Request bin

[RachTheCool]

This is where I dump all the fics that get requested on my "I take requests" thread.

[RachTheCool]

On my "I take requests" Thread, @SleepingPhlox said, "Hey, If you're still up for Steven Universe stuff, it would be great to see a fic where Amethyst gets sick for the first time. And it's really miserable. But she discovers that the grossness of sneezing really freaks out Pearl and she finds that hilarious so it makes being sick almost worth it. But it's still miserable." I found this idea absotlutely adorable, and i found this a good way to enforce my, "Pearl and Amethyst were really good friends until Rose died" theory. There are hints of Pearlmethyst, but it can be read as just Pearl being a type of older sister. So here it is.

 

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Amethyst had always loved pearl, and she had loved her back (in a sister sort of way), ever since Rose had brought her back to the temple. Pearl had always been a fun older sister to Amethyst. She would fill her in on all of the "nerdy" stuff, (as Amethyst would refer to it as,) and hang out with her when she wanted it.

 

Today though, something felt off. Amethyst was feeling kind of bad, physically. She laid lifelessly on the floor, before Pearl came to check up on her. "Amethyst... Are you... alright?" Amethyst looked up and locked eyes with Pearl. Through doing this, Amethyst noticed that there were signs of blatant worry in Pearl's eyes. "Y-Yeah I'm fine..." Pearl sighed and shook her head. "Alright.. I was just... checking..." She turned around and started to walk away. "Actually..." Pearl stopped dead in her tracks, and turned to face Amethyst again, "I... I think there's something wrong with me..." Pearl stepped over to Amethyst so she was only about an inch in front of her. She crouched down and looked her in the eyes. "Hmm? How so?" Pearl asked, worry slowly creeping into her voice. Amethyst sat up and turned to Pearl. "I... everything hurts... my throat, my head... my body is sore, too... and i think... there's something thats making my nose kinda leaky..." Pearl's shoulders dropped a little, as she sighed internally with relief. "Oh... You must just have a cold.." Amethyst crossed her arms, looking down and pouting. "I hate it... It feels awful..." Pearl placed her hand under Amethyst's chin and pulled up her head so they were staring each other in the eyes. "I'm very sorry you feel that way Amethyst. I do agree with you, being sick is awful... and disgusting..." Pearl shuddered at the thought. "Pearl... what is this... tickly feeling in my nose... uhh hhh" Pearl cringed inwardly, knowing what would happen next. "AXSHWW!!" Amethyst sprayed all over the floor in front of her. Pearl scrunched up her face in disgust. "Amethyst! Cover your mouth! Colds are contagious!" Amethyst chuckled. She thought that Pearl was really funny when she was annoyed. "Sorry... so.. how do i do that?"Despite being sick, Amethyst was still her bubbly self.

Pearl loved Amethyst's heartwarming presence, she was fun to have around and was sweet. After the hour long lecture on how to cover a sneeze, she went to get Amethyst a blanket due to her complaining she was cold. "Hmm... this one will do..." Pearl thought aloud, grabbing a blanket from wherever she could find. "Hello Pearl... what's that blanket for?" Pearl jumped at the sound of Rose's voice. "It's uhh... Well Amethyst is sick, and-"

"Say no more!" Rose interrupted her, a grin on her face as she rushed off to help the purple gem. "W-wait!" Pearl ran up to her, trailing behind as they went back to amethyst. Rose bent down to meet Amethyst's height. "Hello Amethyst... Pearl told me you were sick.. I understand this is your first time, and it's not a really good thing. It happens a lot with humans, but not as often with gems." Amethyst sniffled. "Its awful... AHKSHUU"

Pearl shuddered in disgust and pulled back. "AMETHYST I TOLD YOU TO COVER YOUR MOUTH!" Amethyst giggled. It was fun to see Pearl freaking out like this, and it almost made being sick worth it. "Pearl, give her a break." Garnet said, walking in. "Hey Garnet." Amethyst's voice was now stuffy and congested. Garnet gave her a pat on the head. "Who told her she was sick?" Whispered Pearl to Rose. "Hmm... It was probably her future vision..." Rose said, still thinking. "More like I heard you from outside the room." Rose and Pearl stiffened to feel Garnet's hands on their shoulders. The three gems' attention shifted to Amethyst, who was sniffling constantly, a mess of snot covering her face. "Pearl... my nose won't stop.... leaking..." Pearl stood up and tilted her head with sympathy and concern for the small, purple gem. "Oh... Well, Amethyst, there's actually a thing for that..." Pearl lifted a finger to her mouth and looked around, before walking off, and coming back carrying a box containing thin sheets of paper. "These are.... tissues. You push them against your face, and.... empty the snot into it..." She held one in front of Amethyst's face, as her eyes lit up with curiosity. Her small hand reached out for it, as her fingers wrapped around the tissue. She turned it over in one hand, not knowing what to do with it. "You, uh, put it on your nose... and uhm... blow... your nose!" Pearl smiled sheepishly. Amethyst took her advice and blew her nose. It felt nice to finally get rid of all the slimy liquid. It felt even better when Pearl flinched in disgust to hear the sound of Amethyst emptying out all of her snotty mess. She couldn't help but chuckle at poor pearl who was a slight germaphobe.

-Time Skip because i honestly don't know what to put here-

"...And That's how me and Rose took down an entire army with one shot!" Pearl, who was telling Amethyst a story, finally finished. "Now here's the story of how we won the battle of-" Pearl stopped to see that Amethyst was asleep, curled up in her lap. She ran her fingers through Amethyst's short hair and smiled. Outside the doorway two other gems were peeking through, seeing the two gems happy, by each other's side. "They are so cute together.." Rose whispered. Garnet shushed her and closed the door, and they let the two gems be until Amethyst recovered.

[SleepingPhlox]

Dude.

This is so great!  I love the whole "nonhuman learning about illness for the first time" thing.  You write the Gems so well.  I've always thought if Pearl having a motherly relationship with Amethyst and Amethyst is kinda in a rebellious phase since she's had less time to figure out how she fits into everything, and that's why she gives Pearl such a hard time.  

Thank you so much for taking my request and doing such a good job with it.

[RachTheCool]

2 hours ago, SleepingPhlox said:

Dude.

This is so great!  I love the whole "nonhuman learning about illness for the first time" thing.  You write the Gems so well.  I've always thought if Pearl having a motherly relationship with Amethyst and Amethyst is kinda in a rebellious phase since she's had less time to figure out how she fits into everything, and that's why she gives Pearl such a hard time.  

Thank you so much for taking my request and doing such a good job with it.

You're very welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it; I was actually very scared I did a bad job.

[RachTheCool]

News flash: I lost all the progress I made on the PMMM fic. I'm going to need to start over, so it will take much longer than I intended.

[Kiaory]

17 minutes ago, RachTheCool said:

News flash: I lost all the progress I made on the PMMM fic. I'm going to need to start over, so it will take much longer than I intended.

Oh dear.  What happened? Did you accidentally delete the file or something?

As before, whether you want to continue working on it is up to you. If you do I would be happy to offer writing advice/help if you get stuck like before. I think that it should be sufficiently on-topic as long as it keeps to this thread.

[RachTheCool]

2 minutes ago, Kiaory said:

Oh dear.  What happened? Did you accidentally delete the file or something?

As before, whether you want to continue working on it is up to you. If you do I would be happy to offer writing advice/help if you get stuck like before. I think that it should be sufficiently on-topic as long as it keeps to this thread.

Wow look, sneeze fetish forum, deciding to taunt me, brought all the story magically back. You just had to wait till I posted the false alarm before bringing it back, didnt you?

 

Anyway, so it doesn't happen again, i transferred it to a google docs so that I won't lose the entire story. I do want to continue, I can't imagine how rude i would sound if i didn't keep my word writing request-based stories.

[RachTheCool]

Okay, I finished the PMMM fic, but I'm scared to post it because the ending was rushed and it's honestly not my best work.

[gay-for-the-snz]

I realise this is not the place to do it, but I don't know where your "I take requests" thread is (I'm so sorry for doing it here). If it is at all possible and you feel like it, could you do one with Gladion from Pokémon Sun/Moon? It's totally okay if not, once again I'm sorry for asking here

[Kiaory]

3 hours ago, RachTheCool said:

Okay, I finished the PMMM fic, but I'm scared to post it because the ending was rushed and it's honestly not my best work.

 I wouldn't worry about it too much. You seem kind of hard on yourself, but from what I've seen your writing is really quite good. 

 That said, there's no reason you can't go back and revise your work if you want to, or think it needs it.

(I'm pretty sure that I, at least, I love it either way. )

[RachTheCool]

10 minutes ago, Kiaory said:

 I wouldn't worry about it too much. You seem kind of hard on yourself, but from what I've seen your writing is really quite good. 

 That said, there's no reason you can't go back and revise your work if you want to, or think it needs it.

(I'm pretty sure that I, at least, I love it either way. )

Oh, well i got sorta writers block and i had no idea what to put and I was lazy so i just made Sayaka leave.

[Kiaory]

5 minutes ago, RachTheCool said:

Oh, well i got sorta writers block and i had no idea what to put and I was lazy so i just made Sayaka leave.

 If you want to post it as it is, I'm certainly not going to be complaining.

However, I might be able to offer some suggestions for the ending if you could give me a little more context? What was it you were having trouble resolving?

EDIT: Not  that there aren't situations where Sayaka leaving doesn't make sense. Like, if Kyoko's sick enough that she obviously can't win, then I could see her  walking off because her point has already been made, in the right context. 

[RachTheCool]

3 minutes ago, Kiaory said:

 If you want to post it as it is, I'm certainly not going to be complaining.

However, I might be able to offer some suggestions for the ending if you could give me a little more context? What was it you were having trouble resolving?

i wasnt sure how to end it

[Kiaory]

3 minutes ago, RachTheCool said:

i wasnt sure how to end it

Well, I can offer suggestions, but they might not be too helpful since I don't know the context. How about you post what you have that works, and then we can brainstorm and ending from there? Plenty of people write stories in two parts, after all.

[RachTheCool]

In my "I take Requests" thread, @Kiaory requested I do a Puella Magi Madoka Magica fic, with Kyoko as the sufferer. The setting is somewhere between This Just Can't Be Right and Can You Face Your True Feelings? I hope I got those titles right. Also here we're assuming that Magical girls can get sick because logic. I found the anime generally confusing, so I'm sorry if i am extremely out of character. Also, I had some writer’s block so the ending is kinda rushed. Let's get started!

 

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It was a cold night, And Sayaka was walking slowly in the sidewalk. Moonlight gleamed across the streets, and the night sky was pitch black tinted with streaks of midnight blue. The wind whistled as the air grew colder, and Sayaka, who was walking through the streets, shivered as she continued to trudge around. It was a perfect night to catch a cold, and Sayaka knew this, so she was wearing a sweater. Then, her thoughts were interrupted by a nearby noise.

“KTCHOO!”

Sayaka looked around, looking for the mysterious sneeze that came from around the corner. She clenched her fists and regained her confidence as she ran around to the corner of the house she was next to. In a dark alley, there stood Kyoko, undoubtedly the source of the sneeze.

"Heh, Looks like my cover was blown." She snuck a bite of pocky and ran, charging after her with her spear. She was so close to snatching a win against Sayaka, but then there was that tickly sensation that always seemed to come at the wrong moment. Kyoko would've sworn the world was playing tricks with her when right before she hit Sayaka with her spear, the sensation to sneeze overwhelmed her to the point where she couldn't hold back anymore. "hhhh.... ehhh..." She pulled her head backwards, as her nose tortured her for a bit before the final sneeze. "KSHEWW!" She stopped and sniffled, wiping her nose with her arm, sounds of wetness and misery coming from the red-haired girl. "Bless me," She pulled her hand away from her face and blinked tiredly.

"Uhh... Are you.. okay?" Sayaka said hesitantly, trying not to show she cared about Kyoko at all. Which she didn't! "I got a cold, but don't get your hopes up! I'm still going to destroy you!" Kyoko took a bite of pocky and stared the blue-haired girl in the face with determination. Sayaka stiffened and put on a more serious face. She shook her head at the thought of her ever caring about one of those other magical girls that didn't care about who died or not. "Y-Yeah! I'm not letting you off the hook for having a cold either!" 

"Well I'm not gonna give up, because a simple cold isn't gonna stop me from- ahh" Kyoko's face scrunched with the sensation to sneeze. They really DO come at the worst time, Kyoko thought, as a sneeze practically proved Kyoko's last sentence wrong. "KITCHSHUU!" Kyoko sprayed all over the floor in front of her, making a mess all over her face.

"Uuughhh..." Sayaka groaned, eyes locked on her shoes, which was absolutely soaked with mess. Sayaka tried to think about the mess and how gross it was, so she wouldn't think anything about worrying about Kyoko. "Ever hear of covering your mouth?" 

Kyoko sniffled, about to apologize, but she decided not to. Pfft, She thought, stuffing her face with pocky, Sayaka doesn't deserve my apology.  She stared coldly at Sayaka.

"Not only do you have no respect for human life, but you also have no idea what manners are?" Sayaka turned away, crossing her arms, "You gotta be kidding me! I don't even... I don't even wanna fight you right now!" Part of that came from Sayaka's worry for Kyoko, but she didn't want to admit it. Sayaka couldn't believe herself though, passing up a perfect opportunity to win! Kyoko was weak and vulnerable! However, she wasn't going to pass up a perfect opportunity to make fun of Kyoko. 

"Ey Kyoko, why don't you go back to bed where you belong? I need to go home and get a new pair of shoes anyway." Sayaka had a cold smirk on her face, and Kyoko could tell she was mocking her. "Hey, I'm not that- oh no not again.." Kyoko felt a tickle in her nose, and worse, her mouth was full of pocky. Why did this have to happen when she was eating? "HHHKASHUU!" 

Food everywhere. The only two words needed to describe what happened. It was an absolute mess. Luckily, she didn't get Sayaka's shoes this time.

"Nonononono!" Kyoko shouted, attempting to clean up her mess, "I wasted so much food! Ugh!" She sniffled, picking up all the crumbs and wrapping them in a tissue to throw out later.

Sayaka laughed. While she was still upset that she passed up a perfect oppurtunity to win, she was glad Kyoko was suffering in at least some way. Sayaka somehow had a feeling things were going to work out between Kyoko and her.

[Kiaory]

On 2/11/2017 at 6:04 PM, RachTheCool said:

In my "I take Requests" thread, @Kiaory requested I do a Puella Magi Madoka Magica fic, with Kyoko as the sufferer. The setting is somewhere between This Just Can't Be Right and Can You Face Your True Feelings? I hope I got those titles right. Also here we're assuming that Magical girls can get sick because logic. I found the anime generally confusing, so I'm sorry if i am extremely out of character. Also, I had some writer’s block so the ending is kinda rushed. Let's get started!

 

Ok, I'm really sorry I took so long to respond to this.  I'm sorry if this isn't very good and helpful feedback, but I'm afraid that I if don't respond I never will. So:

First off, thank you so much for writing this. I'm really grateful that you were willing to do this for me. As far as feedback goes... I'm not really sure what to say. It's pretty good. The only real negative thing I would say about it it that the actual writing style, the way you pace things and put together words, is a little rough. That's just something that comes with practice as far as I know, though, so you'll pretty much inevitably get better at that if you keep writing. 

Regarding the concerns you mentioned:

The characterization is pretty solid, except that they seem much more friendly and open towards each other than they would be at this point in the show. Less hostile. That's probably a necessary change, though, given the type of story you're trying to tell here. I doubt many people want to read about teenagers fighting to the death in aa sneezefic, after all.

Regarding the ending... I guess it is a little rushed. The actual events described are good, though, it's just the number of words they happen in. I don't think I would've been able to come up with another ending besides Sayaka walking away. Maybe If there was a bit where the cold had kind of humanized Kyoko to her, and she was surprised/conflicted at herself for letting her get away, but also could bring herself to stab someone who clearly needed to be in bed asleep? So it was a moment of character development? IDK, that's where my mind went anyway.

I hope this helps...

(Also, if you ever want a story written in return, feel free to ask. You didn't have to take on this request, especially after I was so difficult with my suggestions at first, but you did anyway even when it was hard. Seriously, I owe you one.)

[RachTheCool]

10 hours ago, Kiaory said:

Ok, I'm really sorry I took so long to respond to this.  I'm sorry if this isn't very good and helpful feedback, but I'm afraid that I if don't respond I never will. So:

First off, thank you so much for writing this. I'm really grateful that you were willing to do this for me. As far as feedback goes... I'm not really sure what to say. It's pretty good. The only real negative thing I would say about it it that the actual writing style, the way you pace things and put together words, is a little rough. That's just something that comes with practice as far as I know, though, so you'll pretty much inevitably get better at that if you keep writing. 

Regarding the concerns you mentioned:

The characterization is pretty solid, except that they seem much more friendly and open towards each other than they would be at this point in the show. Less hostile. That's probably a necessary change, though, given the type of story you're trying to tell here. I doubt many people want to read about teenagers fighting to the death in aa sneezefic, after all.

Regarding the ending... I guess it is a little rushed. The actual events described are good, though, it's just the number of words they happen in. I don't think I would've been able to come up with another ending besides Sayaka walking away. Maybe If there was a bit where the cold had kind of humanized Kyoko to her, and she was surprised/conflicted at herself for letting her get away, but also could bring herself to stab someone who clearly needed to be in bed asleep? So it was a moment of character development? IDK, that's where my mind went anyway.

I hope this helps...

(Also, if you ever want a story written in return, feel free to ask. You didn't have to take on this request, especially after I was so difficult with my suggestions at first, but you did anyway even when it was hard. Seriously, I owe you one.)

Wow... What a detailed reply! I'm sorry I couldn't get my story to meet your standards... It's honestly not my best work mainly because it was a request but I enjoyed writing it. Actually, I owe you one! I still need to write the fic with Jenna!

[Kiaory]

On 2/16/2017 at 8:19 AM, RachTheCool said:

Wow... What a detailed reply! I'm sorry I couldn't get my story to meet your standards... It's honestly not my best work mainly because it was a request but I enjoyed writing it. Actually, I owe you one! I still need to write the fic with Jenna!

Aww, no!  Please don't feel like your story wan't good enough. It was great. I'm just bad at giving positive feedback, so I usually end up just talking about the negative. 

 

Also, I'm glad you enjoyed writing it! But please don't feel like you have to write the other story if you don't want to. Like I said in the other thread, it you should only write it if you find it interesting and want to, not because of me or because I asked you to.

[jai_is_bae?]

On 1/30/2017 at 6:18 PM, RachTheCool said:

This is where I dump all the fics that get requested on my "I take requests" thread.

I can't find your "I take requests" thread

[Joal 555]

21 minutes ago, jai_is_bae? said:

I can't find your "I take requests" thread

 

It can be found here

 

[RachTheCool]

On 2/17/2017 at 3:03 PM, Joal 555 said:

 

It can be found here

 

Woah, I was about to reply and it looks like someone beat me to it 

[RachTheCool]

On 2/17/2017 at 0:30 PM, Kiaory said:

Aww, no!  Please don't feel like your story wan't good enough. It was great. I'm just bad at giving positive feedback, so I usually end up just talking about the negative. 

 

Also, I'm glad you enjoyed writing it! But please don't feel like you have to write the other story if you don't want to. Like I said in the other thread, it you should only write it if you find it interesting and want to, not because of me or because I asked you to.

Oh, I want to write the other one! I came up with a bunch of ideas for it. It's just not going to be my top priority, if that's ok. I got a lot on my plate already.

[Kiaory]

5 hours ago, RachTheCool said:

Oh, I want to write the other one! I came up with a bunch of ideas for it. It's just not going to be my top priority, if that's ok. I got a lot on my plate already.

Of course it's okay!  You do you. Write what you feel like.

[Kalla]

On 1/30/2017 at 5:21 PM, RachTheCool said:

"Pearl, give her a break." Garnet said, walking in. "Hey Garnet." Amethyst's voice was now stuffy and congested. Garnet gave her a pat on the head. "Who told her she was sick?" Whispered Pearl to Rose. "Hmm... It was probably her future vision..." Rose said, still thinking. "More like I heard you from outside the room."

I love the cleverness of Garnet's comeback here! Especially since Garnet tends to be annoyingly omniscient in fanfic, it was nice to see her simply noticing Amethyst's obvious symptoms instead of predicting this event. Rose is very sweet in your fic and I definitely think she would be a motherly figure to Amethyst. We know that in canon she told Amethyst that she was perfect just the way she is, which is a very parental way to reassure an insecure person (or Gem.) Seconding @SleepingPhlox, I also love the trope of a non-human character experiencing illness for the first time, and Amethyst is such a fun subject for this. I can't imagine that she would conscientious about covering her sneezes, heck, she plays with her boogers canonically. I think she might even be entertained/fascinated with her cold symptoms, if she's not too miserable.

re: your signature, I'm not familiar with Undertale (although the lesbian fish chick seems p cool), but it's great to see another Steven Universe fan here writing fic! If I've inspired you in some way that's super flattering and I'm happy to hear it!

[RachTheCool]

16 hours ago, Kalla said:

I love the cleverness of Garnet's comeback here! Especially since Garnet tends to be annoyingly omniscient in fanfic, it was nice to see her simply noticing Amethyst's obvious symptoms instead of predicting this event. Rose is very sweet in your fic and I definitely think she would be a motherly figure to Amethyst. We know that in canon she told Amethyst that she was perfect just the way she is, which is a very parental way to reassure an insecure person (or Gem.) Seconding @SleepingPhlox, I also love the trope of a non-human character experiencing illness for the first time, and Amethyst is such a fun subject for this. I can't imagine that she would conscientious about covering her sneezes, heck, she plays with her boogers canonically. I think she might even be entertained/fascinated with her cold symptoms, if she's not too miserable.

re: your signature, I'm not familiar with Undertale (although the lesbian fish chick seems p cool), but it's great to see another Steven Universe fan here writing fic! If I've inspired you in some way that's super flattering and I'm happy to hear it!

Ahhh oh my god I can't express enough how much I love your fics! Since you're into peridot, (which I am too) I made a fic of her if you saw. I'm planning on making an interactive one too. I'm so glad you liked it! I was so scared you didn't exist on this website anymore! You are the sole reason I made an account here, I'm a huge fan and I'm so grateful of you replying with such positivity!