Guilt has gotten me

[Sapphire]

Bah! Not posting something about my cold is making me feel too guilty, especially since I impulsively mentioned it in CarolinaGirl's thread yesterday. I am wordy, and long winded and not nearly so accommodating as army-girl who highlights the non-sneeze portions of her observations. So good luck to any who can persevere through the irrelevant parts.

First of all, since this is my second cold since September, and I am not one to catch colds frequently, I suspect that the fact that I have been following a serious running training schedule since July might be taking my immune system down a notch. That's my theory anyway because this cold started this week on Tuesday, which followed the Saturday morning that I ran 11.5 miles in 34 - 44 degree weather, which is cold for the city and state in which I live.

Now, I swear that this cold has been completely wacky because I started feeling a sneezy tickle on Tuesday afternoon, but I couldn't sneeze no matter what. This tends to happen to me when I have a cold. For every sneeze, I have about 5-10 intense tickles that feel like I will sneeze. Basically, I just walk around all day on the verge of a sneeze. And this continued on Wednesday when I still could not sneeze all day and all night long. But I probably started to build up to sneezing at least 50 times throughout the day. It didn't matter if I was at home or out somewhere - same thing. By now, I was going insane, and I thought that there was no way that I could go through the same feeling again on Thursday.

Well, on Thursday, about five minutes after I woke up and walked into the kitchen, I started to feel the tickle and the beginning of the usual sneezy feeling. I was waiting for water to heat up for my tea, and I had my mouth open, and my eyes were watering, and I wanted the sneeze to come out so badly, but for a second, I thought that it would probably not come out. Then a second later, I threw my head forward, "HUUUCHISSEWW" and sneezed all over the front of my shirt I was like "Finally."

But the relief just really didn't last very long because the sneezy feeling just stuck with me, only this time I would sneeze every so often. Over the next hour and a half while I got dressed, I sneezed about 5 or 6 more times, which is a lot for me. I know that I sneezed once in the shower. I sneezed several more times while driving to and from school for the day. And after that first sneeze that was kind of high pitched, almost all of the sneezes were just huge and uncontrollable once they started coming. I couldn't make them smaller or less loud; it was just like "HA-AAACHOOO"

On Friday, I was still sneezing. I remember one in the car downtown when I was stopped at a red light because it was really deafeningly high pitched. I was looking for a race site downtown for a Sunday race (today), and I had had 2 or 3 false starts where I had to inhale a bit and then the sneeze went away. But at the stoplight, I felt a burning and tingling in my left nostril (which is the only side affected by this cold ) for just a couple of seconds, and being the major paranoid freak that I am, since there were people waiting at a bus stop immediately to my right, as I started to inhale, I turned my face a bit to the left, but I brought my right hand up to my face and went "Hiiiieecheeeew" and then I had to grab a tissue out of my purse and wipe my hand off not good.

So Saturday, more harsh sneezes all day long. Starting from Thursday, I would say that I probably sneezed between 10-15 times a day, which for me is a ton. The tickle was so damn annoying that I felt in my mind that I was fully willing to sneeze anywhere I was, but my mental block usually took care of things. So I would walk around school or around the supermarket with my mouth hanging open and my eyes squinted and tissues in my left hand but nope the only places I sneezed were at home or in my car. Yuck, at this point, my car and apartment are really germy. Lucky no visitors are coming by, and no one is driving with me.

Today is Sunday, and I had to run a 5 mile race today. Last night, I had thought that my sneezing would have to be gone this morning, but nooooo, I woke up, got out of bed, and on my way to the kitchen, "HURA-KICHOO" The sneeze was so strong that I had to bend way over toward the ground. And then in the shower, "HUR-ACHOO." I kept sneezing all the way until I had to leave for the race at noon.

I drove downtown 20 minutes, and I ran the race for 50 minutes ... in the rain. And guess what? The tickle for me goes away when I run. Not sure why, and maybe it wouldn't happen for everyone, but for me, I didn't feel any tickles. But as soon as I crossed the finish line, they cut the timing chip off my shoe, and I had cooled down for a couple of minutes, I felt a swarm of tickles inside my nose. For a moment, I felt out of control, like I might just start a sneezing fit right there, and the last sneezing fit I can remember was probably dates back to when I was 20 years old. But then, nothing ... the tickles backed off.

And after about 15 minutes of chilling, I headed to my car, started up, pulled out into traffic, and then "HUH-ACHOO" and I felt the sneeze on my neck. Since I've been home, I've been sneezing about once every half hour.

All I can say is that I'm maxxed out. I've reached my personal sneeze limit. For those who are way sneezier than I am, my hat is off to you. Like CarolinaGirl said, I don't know how you do it. And for those who enjoy the sneezy part of the cold, I also respect you all for not being hypocrites. I am a real hypocrite because I like other people to have the sneezy cold and not me.

Please let me stop sneezing tomorrow.

[Alucard]

Lovely obs!

[Sapphire]

Thanks Attila! I was trying to reply to your post, and I accidentally hit "edit." So now it looks like I've edited your post, but I really didn't. This is what happens when Bondi upgrades me to a moderator. It's very dangerous.

So, sorry about that.

[count tiszula]

Guilt has now got me as well, if indeed my post on CG's threead influenced you , or indeed if it didn't.

However, how can this be when such a magnificent self obs appears? All th ne elements are there; details of each sneeze, spelt out separately, and, most teasingly, of all the lovely tickles. Simply wonderful. Can there be more?

On another matter, may I suggest that feeling really sneezy because of a cold and not being able to sneeze is the most senasible time for a really good clothes tag, or indeed matchstick, up the nostril. It is certainly what I do.

[Sapphire]

You're really sweet, count. If I just hadn't written anything yesterday, then I would have been guilt free today (because no one would have known that I had a cold anyway ). Self observations just make me feel vulnerable. It's easier to write about someone else.

And now, I've realized that I feel really sick - probably not a good idea the whole racing in the rain with a cold, so I hope I'm not getting worse now. I'm going to have to eat something and go to bed soon.

Guilt has now got me as well, if indeed my post on CG's threead influenced you , or indeed if it didn't.

However, how can this be when such a magnificent self obs appears? All th ne elements are there; details of each sneeze, spelt out separately, and, most teasingly, of all the lovely tickles. Simply wonderful. Can there be more?

On another matter, may I suggest that feeling really sneezy because of a cold and not being able to sneeze is the most senasible time for a really good clothes tag, or indeed matchstick, up the nostril. It is certainly what I do.

[sneezinglover]

Awesome obs! Thanks for sharing!

[Bondi]

Bless you! Thanks for sharing; even if you didn't enjoy it, I still enjoyed reading it!

[Aisha]

Wow....

Sapphire, that was just wonderful! I was so suprised when I saw this self ob from you, and now that I've read it I feel like christmas just came early!

I'm so happy you shared this with us, I know EXACTLY what you mean about self obs making you feel vulnerable! In the past I have considered writing a self ob (but it would be nothing as mesmerising as this one!) but in the end shyness won out. It seems my mental block extends to even writing about my sneezing! Just thinking about trying to spell out one of my own sneezes for everyone to "hear" intimidates me.

Now back to you! I absolutely loved the details you included in what you wrote... I could imagine all of them!

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon...

[Mirf]

I think thats the first time i'm really glad about something related to "GUILT"

Thanks Attila! I was trying to reply to your post, and I accidentally hit "edit." So now it looks like I've edited your post, but I really didn't. This is what happens when Bondi upgrades me to a moderator. It's very dangerous.

So, sorry about that.

.. And .. I'm truly sorry .. but reading that just made my day ..

I mean .. not more than.. .. never mind

Edit:

OMG i totally forgot .. and get better .. .. darn .. i tend to forget things all the time .. even more if i get carried away by something ..

.. and i bet quite a few won't agree with me ..

.. But i hope you get better soon anyway

[Dawnie]

Today is Sunday, and I had to run a 5 mile race today. Last night, I had thought that my sneezing would have to be gone this morning, but nooooo, I woke up, got out of bed, and on my way to the kitchen, "HURA-KICHOO" The sneeze was so strong that I had to bend way over toward the ground. And then in the shower, "HUR-ACHOO." I kept sneezing all the way until I had to leave for the race at noon.

I drove downtown 20 minutes, and I ran the race for 50 minutes ... in the rain.

Hey sweetie. I run road races too. Looks like you maintain about a 10 minute mile. Good for you. I do to. And lord knows I've ran my share of races in the rain. It sucks. Certainly can't help with that awful cold you have.

Not sure why, and maybe it wouldn't happen for everyone, but for me, I didn't feel any tickles. But as soon as I crossed the finish line, they cut the timing chip off my shoe, and I had cooled down for a couple of minutes, I felt a swarm of tickles inside my nose.

That happens to me as well. Whenever I've had a sneezy cold or suffering from allergies, for some reason when I'm working out or running, the tickles and the never ended feeling of having to sneeze subsides. But it seems only till I've cooled down.

By the way, am I the only one that things the line: "I felt a swarm of tickles inside my nose" is VERY hot???

[Sapphire]

HeHe - I haven't been able to get on the forum today, and I came back now and found all of these cool replies. Thanks sneezinglover, Bondi, Aisha, Mirf, and Dawnie -- it was really nice to read your responses. Aisha, I can understand what you're saying about the mental block because these mental blocks are really powerful. Believe it or not, I was still sneezing for most of the day today, but now it's after 10:00, and I think it seems like it's starting to subside a bit. I really do have some hope for tomorrow being more of a normal sort of sneezing day for me.

Dawnie -- That's cool that you run road races too. If we lived closer, we'd make good running partners because we're both at the ten minute mile pace. This is my first time being serious about running. I've only ever done sort of half assed running where I run recreationally here and there (unless I count back to age 15 when I ran 6:30 miles -- oh to have those days back). But now that I'm older, I realize that I need to maintain some kind of regular schedule. I've been planning on keeping it up from year to year to see if I can improve my pace. I'm going to run a half marathon here in my city in January, but I imagine that since it'll be 13 miles, I might end up doing close to 11 minute miles -- not sure.

[Dawnie]

Dawnie -- That's cool that you run road races too. If we lived closer, we'd make good running partners because we're both at the ten minute mile pace. This is my first time being serious about running. I've only ever done sort of half assed running where I run recreationally here and there (unless I count back to age 15 when I ran 6:30 miles -- oh to have those days back). But now that I'm older, I realize that I need to maintain some kind of regular schedule. I've been planning on keeping it up from year to year to see if I can improve my pace. I'm going to run a half marathon here in my city in January, but I imagine that since it'll be 13 miles, I might end up doing close to 11 minute miles -- not sure.

Well I'm up and down. The longest race I've done is the Tufts 10K for Women in Boston (6.2miles). Other than that I usually run 5k races and a few 4 milers. It would be cool to have a running partner. I don't maintain too much during the winter months. I do some running on the treadmill, but I really don't care for it. I'll probably do my next race in April of 07 and it'll be a 10K. I'll more than likely start training on the treadmill sometime in Feb. or March.

Anyway, I hope you're starting to feel better.

[Illiana]

What lovely obs! Thanks for posting them, you're so nice~ Especially since you don't feel well. u_u I know what you mean about mental block and needing to sneeze all day, and I agree with The Count de Tisza -- I got so annoyed with waiting that I just induced. It helped clear my head sooo much. @_@ Ah, relief~

[Guest Silver Pixie Dust]

God bless you! I hope you feel better soon~

Very lovely obs... I melted in my chair. x3

[c_strawberrydiamond]

I really loved reading your post, Sapphire, thank-you! And I am so proud that you got up the courage to write this! Thank-you!