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Of Captains and Colds - (4 Parts)


crazy_cat_girl

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]Title:Of Captains and Colds: Part ONE

Author: Crazy_cat_girl

Fandom/Orginal: fanfiction!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of this movie, but I really wish that they were my friends. :-(

Rating:N/A

Summmary: This is just a dramatic, over-the-top, completely out of character tale about Captain Jack Sparrow getting sick, and how it is dealt with. It's a little flourished and a little dark, but I can't help but be angsty sometimes. If it's a little too mushy...well, I will write a happier one later, maybe.

Authors Notes: (if needed)I also wanted to say thank you to Vetinari for posting your story about the cap'n because it gave me the courage and the inspiration to write one myself. This is my very first posted piece of sneeze-fiction. I had always kept them to myself before but I am so glad that I found this site. So here, enjoy it, I hope!!

Not too much sneezing in this beginning section, but more to come in the next parts!

“Captain?”

Gibbs watched the figure grapple with the ship’s wheel, rain sluicing across the already slick deck. A wave of wild salt water washed over the deck and the Pearl lurched violently.

Gibbs grunted and hunkered down to keep his balance. Lightning forked over the masts, and for a moment, Captain Jack Sparrow was illuminated, his body leaning against the wheel. In the glow, he looked unimaginably sickly and pale. Gibbs knew what his duties were. He slid across the wild deck and got close enough to Jack to be heard over the storm.

“Captain, you’ve been at the wheel for two days straight with no rest at all-“

“Hardly, Gibbs, your calculations are confused. The storm blew in only yesterday morning and I…I…aishuu!”

Jack quickly turned his face into the shoulder of his soaked coat, sneezed twice more in rapid succession and pulled a wet and useless handkerchief from his pocket.

He used it anyway.

“Pardon me, where was I? Oh, yes. The storm only blew in yesterday morning. You’re adding days to the trip. I say, you aren’t getting addled in your old age are you, Gibbs?”

The ship moaned and slid down into the valley of an oncoming wave. The crew on the deck scattered to safer places, and the water mountain spilled across the deck, leaving it frothy and freezing cold.

“Hold on, mates!” Jack called over the rail, his shout hoarse and lost in the roar of the storm. He frowned to himself and laid a rough hand against his throat. He caught Gibb’s worried stare and repaid him with a carefully placed smirk.

“Captain, I wish that you would spend some time below deck. If not to sleep, then to get warm and dry for a bit before you catch your death out here.”

Jack sighed, turned to retort a complicated and witty response, but his nose suddenly got the better of him. So sad to be sabotaged by one’s own nose, he thought as he flinched and frantically retrieved the wet handkerchief. He’d barely gotten it to his face when the sneezes came, short, sharp and forceful.

Ah-eshuu! Eshuu! Eshuu!

In the midst of his fit, the ship’s wheel yanking out of his free hand and spun furiously to left.

Eshuu! Ah-eshuu!

Still sneezing, he dropped the handkerchief and snatched out for the escaping wheel. He realized that he was just as useless as the soaking wet hanky when his boots slid on the slick and treacherous decking. He fell sideways, catching himself painfully with his right arm. When the haze cleared, he realized that Gibbs had wrestled the wheel back under control and was yelling something down below. The rain ran down Jack’s face, and he found himself coughing and unable to stop. He tried to pull himself back up to his feet, but the coughing distracted him. He vaguely wondered if it was the rain stinging his eyes, or if his eyes were leaking themselves.

“Easy does it, Jack.”

Will Turner reached under the Captain’s arms and lugged him upright. He clapped Jack on the back a few zealous times; and looked at him with some concern.

“Are you alright?”

“Get him below deck, “ Gibbs ordered.

Jack tried on a rakish smile over his discomfort and pulled away from Will’s support.

“I was just on my way below deck, and thought I’d take a trip.”

Jack started off in the direction of his cabin, his swagger more pronounced than usual.

“Help him, lad.” Gibbs mouthed to Will. The blacksmith had barely taken three steps when another wave surged across the deck.

One moment, Will Turner was there. The next, he had vanished.

Gibbs felt fear roil up in his belly.

“MAN OVERBOARD, “ he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Jack turned at his cry, and immediately sprinted to the deck railing.

“Turn us about,” he ordered, his voice deep and unwavering now. The others moved with a new found speed as they worked to propel the ship against the wind. Jack squinted out at the swirling dark water, searching for a sign of Will.

Anything.

Come on, lad, he thought, scruntizing the black water with even darker eyes, come up.

Anything.

Come up come up come up.

Then a flash, a white shirt, an even whiter hand.

“Will!”

Someone handed the captain a rope and he tossed it to where he’d last seen the floundering black smith. He knew that Will Turner happened to be a grand swimmer, but on a night like this one, no man was friends with the sea.

“Will, the rope! Reach for the…”

But it was useless; thunder boomed over head and the dark had swallowed up Will again.

Jack took off his coat and hat, handed them to the sailor beside him.

“Captain!” Gibbs called from the wheel, “what are you-“

Jack planted one foot on the railing and leapt into a neat dive.

He immediately wished he hadn’t. The water came up to meet him eagerly, and he felt the cold stab his entire body. He knew now why Will was unable to respond to their hails. Water this cold could freeze a man into stillness in just a few minutes.

Gibbs turned to see something even more startling than his captain plunging off the ship.

A night gown clad woman was coming up the steps to the deck. She turned and looked around her in confusion, her large eyes taking a silent count of the pirates standing by the rail.

He watched as her chest rose and fell faster and faster as she took notice of who exactly was missing and a small gasp rose from her.

Even from where he stood so far away, unable to hear her, he saw her mouth form the word in a plume of cold breath.

"WILL!"

Elizabeth ran to the side of the ship in bare feet, bent so far over the rail that Gibbs was tempted to call her back.

Jack clamped down on the feeling of cold and panic, and treaded the moving water the best he could. He looked around for the boy, tried to guess where he had been pulled away, and swam with a powerful and expert stroke.

He felt rather than saw the boy in the next moment, a tug at his extended arm.

He grabbed blindly, found a hand, and pulled as hard as he could. Will tore to the surface gasping and coughing, and Jack swiftly wrapped a strong arm around him. The water threatened to drag them apart, but Jack held tight.

“OYE!”

Jack shouted to the ship and a few seconds later he heard the plip of a rope hitting water. He found it, and wrapped the slithery thing around his arm.

“Kick!” He commanded to Will, and he felt the rope begin to get taut.

“Oh, thank goodness!”

Elizabeth pushed through the crowded assembly of pirates, and helped to pull her fiancé over the railing.

Soaking and exhausted, Will allowed himself to stand a moment in her warm and comforting arms.

Jack pulled himself over next, and stood dripping on the deck as the crew stared at him with awe and expectancy. He opened his mouth to say something appropriately heroic, but his eyes moved over to Elizabeth and filled with a cloud of something approaching sorrowful confusion.

He reached out a hand towards her, and she looked at him, shocked.

“Mother,” he murmured, “mother, what are you doing here?”

Then to everyone’s surprise, Captain Jack Sparrow collapsed like a doll made of damp rags.

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This is NICE. :twitch: I like your style, a little laconic, a little ironic here and there (the useless handkerchief that 'he used anyway' made me laugh... then the mental picture kicked in and it made me squirm... :D)

and you have a way with words that keeps the reader interested. (If I may speak for all other readers!)

Plus, Captain Jack Sparrow falling ill with a cold NEVER fails to spark my interest and my panties! so I must thank you much for putting this up and I'm looking forward to the rest! :heart:

(oh, and don't worry: not too little sneezing, either. :hyper:)

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Oooh ... very dramatical setting ... how I love maritime stories ! Especially with a fetish touch ...

Please continue.

C

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This is NICE. :yes: I like your style, a little laconic, a little ironic here and there (the useless handkerchief that 'he used anyway' made me laugh... then the mental picture kicked in and it made me squirm... :yes:)

and you have a way with words that keeps the reader interested. (If I may speak for all other readers!)

Plus, Captain Jack Sparrow falling ill with a cold NEVER fails to spark my interest and my panties! so I must thank you much for putting this up and I'm looking forward to the rest! :D

(oh, and don't worry: not too little sneezing, either. :yes:)

Yes, very nice. I was struck by "a few zealous times" and "an even whiter hand". And the sneezes were good too. odd that cold water and exiguous clothing should not be more popular. But Elizabeth , now, in her nightie and a barefoot maid;dare we hope.?

And welcome to the forum.

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Yay...... :innocent:

Jack is all wet! ;)

Definately can't have too much of him sneezing either :D

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Mmmm, sneezy Jack ... ;)

Great story! I really like your writing style :D

*sits down to wait for more*

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!! This is so good!

Poor jack, having to rescue the boring will, and risking his life for it too! :lol:

I love this story, please update soon:D

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This is NICE. :D I like your style, a little laconic, a little ironic here and there (the useless handkerchief that 'he used anyway' made me laugh... then the mental picture kicked in and it made me squirm... :laugh:)

and you have a way with words that keeps the reader interested. (If I may speak for all other readers!)

Plus, Captain Jack Sparrow falling ill with a cold NEVER fails to spark my interest and my panties! so I must thank you much for putting this up and I'm looking forward to the rest! :hug:

(oh, and don't worry: not too little sneezing, either. :innocent:)

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked it. (I do admit, I had to look u "laconic." lol)

I think that Captain Jack Sparrow's sneezes must have the quality of day-dreams. :-) The character is so sexy just on his own!

I wonder if he will sneeze in the next movie... my DVD player would be on perpetual rewind and replay.

:laugh:

Oooh ... very dramatical setting ... how I love maritime stories ! Especially with a fetish touch ...

Please continue.

C

Thanks so much for reading!

I think the sea is so wild and interesting, violent sometimes and tame, too. And an especially good setting to throw in a cold...

This is NICE. :yes: I like your style, a little laconic, a little ironic here and there (the useless handkerchief that 'he used anyway' made me laugh... then the mental picture kicked in and it made me squirm... :laugh:)

and you have a way with words that keeps the reader interested. (If I may speak for all other readers!)

Plus, Captain Jack Sparrow falling ill with a cold NEVER fails to spark my interest and my panties! so I must thank you much for putting this up and I'm looking forward to the rest! :hug:

(oh, and don't worry: not too little sneezing, either. :innocent:)

Yes, very nice. I was struck by "a few zealous times" and "an even whiter hand". And the sneezes were good too. odd that cold water and exiguous clothing should not be more popular. But Elizabeth , now, in her nightie and a barefoot maid;dare we hope.?

And welcome to the forum.

Oh, thank you! I am so happy that this site exists!

I am sorry, no Elizabeth sneezes in this particular story...but perhaps in the sequel? ;) I thought about it, but I was just too caught up in the Sparrow-ness to focus on anything else.

Yay...... :D

Jack is all wet! :lol:

Definately can't have too much of him sneezing either :laugh:

Thank you so much!

I loved your story too!

And your avatar is pretty awesome too. :D

Nice one!

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy the next part!

Mmmm, sneezy Jack ... :innocent:

Great story! I really like your writing style :)

*sits down to wait for more*

Thanks a lot! Jack is my favorite pirate ever! If he were real, we would be friends.

Well, maybe.

!! This is so good!

Poor jack, having to rescue the boring will, and risking his life for it too! :omg:

I love this story, please update soon:D

Thank you!

I think Will is pretty boring, too. I tried to give him a bigger part in this, and it totally didn't work. Jack is a better sneezer anyway.

;)

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Here is part TWO.

Enjoy, everyone!

“A fever.”

Gibbs pronounced grimly, one sea hardened hand over Jack’s brow.

He and Will had brought the man into his cabin, and pulled off his wet clothing. The captain, wrapped in warm blankets, shivered in his sleep.

His eyelids fluttered until his pupils focused on Gibbs, standing over him like some grimacing statue.

“Now, if you’re here,” Jack said, his voice a gravelly whisper, “then who’s steering my ship?”

He pushed the blankets away and moved to swing his legs off the edge of the bed.

Aieshuu! Hah..eshuu! eshuu! …ugh, damn it all to…tuh…huh..ai-eshuu!”

He cloaked his face with his elbow and croaked out another curse.

eshuu! …what miserable f…uh…heh…heshuu!”

He swiped the sleeve of his night shirt beneath his wildly running nose.

“Here…”

Elizabeth stepped through the doorway of the cabin.

Her hair had curled in the rain, and she had put on a robe over her white night dress, still soft on barefeet. She was holding a small cloth out to Jack, and she stepped closer to his bedside.

He took it from her hand, thankful.

It was a handkerchief and it was blessedly dry.

He looked up into her face and froze a moment, staring.

Then he shook his head a little, his face cleared and he smiled, his wet nose still buried in the arm of his shirt.

“Thank you, pet.”

She nodded, relieved that he had recognized her.

He made a gesture of grand gratitude, a flourishing bow of the head, then turned pointedly away from her to blow his nose.

“Now, who exactly is manning my ship?” He continued, clearing his throat.

“Pintel, I believe, sir” Gibbs reported.

Jack tried to rise again, rolled his eyes and lowered himself back down defeated.

“I seem to be quite not myself,” he murmured.

He sighed, and pointed at Will,

“You will go down below and dress yourself in something dry. Then you will take the wheel until I regain my…,” he closed his eyes and pressed Elizabeth’s hanky beneath his nose and inhaled in expectation of another wet sneeze. He paused for a few seconds before opening one eye, then the other, cautiously, he lowered the handkerchief.

“My balance,” he finished, lamely.

“Gibbs, you make sure that my ship gets through this storm. If you run into any problems, you come to me, and rouse me, and prop me up and stuff me for all I care. Just get me. Just…Ju..heh..eshuu! Eshuu!

Jack sneezed into the handkerchief, and swore. Elizabeth made a sound of sympathy at his distress, and he gave her a sideways glance.

“And you, pet, you are no doubt tired and cold. Get down below and get back to sleep. Don’t fret over an ailing pirate, lass. Captain Jack Sparrow has been through far worse dangers than a head cold, I assure you. You needn’t wuh…wuh huh..huh aieshuu! Eshuu! Eshuu!” He caught the sneezes again with her hanky, and groaned a little.

“Bless you,” she said, and he nodded, eyes squeezed shut as vertigo overtook him.

He shuddered and the bed trembled.

“I’ll stay,” Elizabeth told Will and Gibbs.

“Aye, I believe that would be best,” Gibbs said and made his way out of the cabin.

Will gave Elizabeth a quick smile of admiration and followed Gibbs out into the storm.

Jack opened his mouth to protest and found himself coughing instead.

“I…I..really…d..don’t need,” he managed, but she turned to him squarely, put her hands on her hips and said,

“You are ill, Mr. Sparrow. You need to rest your mouth and your body in order to get better. You also need someone to be here to mind your real needs and make sure that you get well again.”

“AIE-shuu!”

Elizabeth grimaced at Jack’s wet sneeze,

“And I suppose I should find you some fresh hankies, too.”

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Excellent developmemts. I'm liking this a lot.

Glad you like the Avatar. Another of my favourite characters. An Edward Scissorhands story..... now that would be a challenge! :drool:

Anyway, thanks again for continuing. I look forward to more! :)

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You all are going to make me develop a thing for pirates. I've added the movie to my Netflix cue, since it all seems so yummy.

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YAY for part THREE....

hope you enjoy it! It's kind of short, tho, sorry. :-)

Elizabeth was humming softly, distractedly, as she dipped the cloth in a bowl of cool water and wrung it out.

She folded it and gently dabbed Jack’s face. He’d fallen into fitful sleep an hour ago, buried under as many extra blankets as Elizabeth could find.

She watched his nose, reddened and sore, twitch above his moustache, and she felt a deep pity clamp around her heart.

It was so strange to see so strong a man taken down by something so completely; unable to fight as he normally did against flesh and blood foes.

Suddenly, he moved beneath her hand, bringing his wrist against his nose and mouth, and bucking in the grip of another fit of merciless sneezing.

“AIESH-esh! Ah-ehsuu! Eh-shush! Eh-esh! Esh! ESH!”

Miserable, he sniffed hard and rubbed underneath his nose.

“You were finally asleep, too.”

He looked over at Elizabeth’s sympathetic voice as if he hadn’t expected to see her there.

He started when he saw her, as if she were a ghost, lurching backwards in bed as if to escape.

After a moment or two, he laughed, a shaky thing that reminded Elizabeth of wagon wheels on gravel roads.

“You startled me,” he explained, not removing his brown gaze from her face, “I thought you were...someone else.”

She gave him what she hoped was a knowing and haughty glance.

“Your mother must have been very beautiful.”

He waited a beat, wondering if he should pretend he didn’t hear, but then gave up and laid himself back down against the pillow, one arm over his face.

“Are you flattering me, love, or yourself?” He replied.

She laughed.

“Perhaps a little of both,” she teased, “but as you seem to keep confusing me with her, I am naturally curious.”

“Ay,” he said, after a pause, his voice flat and vaguely dangerous, like a too still sea,

“she was beautiful.”

He rolled and looked at Elizabeth hard.

“I need to blow my nose,” he said.

Elizabeth reached to the table beside his bed and retrieved a fresh white hanky for him. He accepted it without thanking her.

“I made you some tea,” she offered.

“I don’t drink tea.”

“You should try some at least.”

“I won’t!”

“It will help you feel better and-“

“I doubt that!”

“You’re being awfully obstinate.”

“You’re being awfully ob-stin-ate!” he mimicked, and turned away from her, crossing his arms over his chest.

She watched his black haired head bob with coughing as he grumbled about foolish women and their foolish teas.

She bit her lip.

“Oh, Jack,” she murmured, “I am sorry that you aren’t well.”

He made no sound for a long time, until soft snoring filled the cabin, and Elizabeth knew that he slept.

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Oh Lord, it's delicious. It really is. You have the tone of a novelist and you write a fiercely attractive Sick Sparrow. :) *Praise Shower!*

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Mmmmm, lovely! I love how you make Jack sneeze, they sound perfect! Thank you so much! :twisted:

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Here is the end of the story. It is kind of anti-climatic and a little over-the-top gooshy mooshy ooshy. But I couldn't help myself. Enjoy! And thanks so much for reading!!!!!!

Jack stood in the middle of a narrow street, and wondered if he was dreaming. That would explain the cloudy, faded quality of his surroundings. It loomed familiar though, and his memory didn't have to stretch far to conclude exactly where he was.

Definitely dreaming, he decided.

Aieshu!

Ha, dreaming and still sick, he mused miserably.

But then a second sneeze echoed his, sharp and high pitched beside him.

He looked down and saw a young boy in the street beside him, furiously scrubbing a little red nose. Big brown eyes blended into a face coated with dirt and dust, and long black hair, cropped unevenly, shuddered and swayed as the boy sneezed again.

Not this, Jack thought immediately. Wake up, old boy. Wake up wake up wake up-

"Jackie?!"

Both the captain and the child jerked and looked towards the sound of that voice.

The child broke out into a large and toothy smile, and began a swift jaunt towards a door-way.

Jack swallowed hard, and followed.

"Mama!"

The lad scampered up a splintery flight of stairs, and entered the room at the top with boundless energy.

Jack came slower, absorbing the scene with his kohl-lined eyes. The center-piece to this tiny room was a bed, the boy was clamoring up onto it now, and beside it a small table, a broken stool, a low melted candle, and a fireplace with a lick of flame inside of it.

A woman was lying in the bed, but Jack avoided looking at her directly.

She was wearing a white nightgown, her long blond hair unbound and layed out over the pillow like a silk sheet. Her face however, was not as youthful as the hair. It should have been...he knew that much. She was not a terrible old woman, but the deep brown circles beneath her eyes and the hallowed cheeks added years to her. He knew that if he looked into that sweet face, he would see eyes identical to his own, brown and deep.

"Mama," the child said, still beaming, as he held out a grungy fist, "I did so good today!"

The woman smiled wearily,

"Well, Jack, you did well.”

He opened his hand and revealed a gold coin, bright and yellow against his dirty fingers.

“Where did you get this?”

In wonderment and horror, his mother touched the money.

Captain Jack Sparrow gnawed guiltily at his lower lip, hovering in the doorway; he remembered filching that coin from the pocket of a gentlemen.

Little Jack chewed on his lower lip, too. He started to formulate an acceptable answer when his face skewed and he sneezed.

His mother frowned, and gave him a handkerchief from beside the bed.

The child went to give it a great a honk when she stopped him with a mock haughty look.

“Jackie! Never blow your nose in front of a lady.”

He giggled- his mother! A lady!- and turned away.

She laughed too, but it ended in a fit of wet coughing that sent a chill down an older Sparrow’s spine.

She noticed the look of concern on her young son’s face, and she reached for him. She forced a smile across her pale features, and pulled him close to her chest.

“Jack, did I ever tell you about the time I was concubine and spy to the King of France…,” she began.

And in the darkened doorway of the desolate little room, Captain Jack Sparrow’s lips rose to a half-smile.

******************************************************************************************

*

He awoke to the sound of low thunder and to the relentless tickle in his nose.

At least the storm was coming to an end outside, his chamber rocked gently and he sensed that the worst was over.

It was good to be back.

He furiously rubbed at his face, hoping to delay the inevitable sneeze. The tickle subsided and he sighed, opening his eyes.

He felt a heaviness near his legs and he saw Elizabeth, captured like a painting in the glow of the lamp. She was fast asleep, her head resting on her arms on the bed beside him. The damp cloth she had used to help quell his fever still was held in her hand.

Jack felt something then. Something highly unnatural.

He couldn’t quite analyze and properly categorize the emotion that was now swelling his chest.

It felt good, but it felt terrible at the same time. He could not remember a time when someone had cared for him like this, since his mother had passed away so many years before. He felt…

Not love, perhaps, but something like that, he decided as he watched her back rise and fall slowly. Something-

The sneeze had built itself while he was preoccupied.

Oh, no, he thought, and tried to stifle it, but it had reached well beyond the peak of control and a half trapped,

“snx-snEESHU!”

escaped from his lips, misting his bed covers in a fine, inelegant mess.

Elizabeth jerked awake from the sound and he kicked himself for pulling her from her rest.

“Pardon me, love,” he said, trying to sound suave, but his voice sounded too much like ancient ruins to do him any good at all.

“Bless you,” she said, wiping sleep from her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Oooh, just fine, fantastic, back to my ol’ self, thank…tha…thuh..thu-uh…ah…ah…AEISHUU!”

Uncovered, an ocean of a sneeze left him and settled on his blankets like dew.

“Well, you sound terrible,” she retorted and placed a firm hand on his forehead.

He gently wrapped his own hand around her wrist and pulled her arm away.

“I am feeling much better now, thanks to you.”

She blushed and made a move to retract her hand, but he didn’t relinquish his grasp.

“I want you to get to bed, love,” he said and smiled, “but before you go, would you do ol’ Jack one last favor?”

She nodded, though looked rather doubtful.

“I would very much like it if you could make me,” he spoke each word carefully, “a cup of tea.”

“I thought you didn’t like…”she trailed off, and he continued.

“If you make a cup for yourself as well, and sit by and by for a while, well…I can’t say I would mind telling you a bit about Jack Sparrow’s beautiful mother.”

She gave him a baffled look, then sighed. The corners of her mouth could not help but twitch into a smile.

“I suppose that isn’t a terrible bargain…I’ll be back in a moment.”

Not love, Jack thought, after she had left in him in the confines of his cabin. At least, not love as Will felt for her in that youthful and passionate way.

What was it? He pondered it as he propped himself up against the pillows. The word for it occurred to him, and he dismissed it guiltily as a word that a pirate had absolutely no use for at all, a word that spoke leagues of weakness. He cared.

“Pirate,” he reminded himself out loud.

It didn’t make one bit of difference. Such treasures couldn’t be buried so easily.

END.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ah well.....all good things must come to an end...... :down:

Even Sparrabeth. :drunk:

We are now left with Wilizabeth! :eek:

Of course if we were really brave we could cut out the middle (wo)man and wander into Sparill territory, or perhaps that should be Willow.

Or perhaps not. Can't imagine it somehow. :pimp::pirate:

Anyway, goodbye to Johnny. :angelsad: It was nice while it lasted.

Cheers Crazy Cat Girl :2cool:

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Goodness, it was really incredibly nice. Hulde, hulde! A lovely story! :laugh:

Only.... are you SURE that this is the end? That there might not be, say, a sequel to it? A slightly longer stroll down the path of delicious Sparrabeth hurt/comfort wrongness? Are you sure...? :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

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