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Sneeze Camp


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All convicted offenders were led into a class room

to receive Sneeze Camp's standard sermon.

"You have all been brought here for a single

simple reason: uncontrolled sneezing in public.

Sneeze law has been in effect for many years now,

yet some of you still choose not to obey."

Tash couldn't believe her ears: What on earth is

wrong with them? What is all this talking about sneezes?

Sneeze law? Does that count for tourists too? This

can't be happening?

"We have effective methods for making you people

sneeze lawfully, or even better - not at all! After you

complete the treatment, all your disgusting habits will be


Tash got angry. Her violent sneezes were not

some choice she made. They just happened. She couldn't

help it. What did they think? Surely this retarded government

couldn't force her to stop sneezing? Why was this happening

to her of all people?! She was hardly even aware of her sneezes,

let alone be ashamed of them. Her friends did laugh at her

on a few occasions because of her powerful sneezes, but surely

nothing could be wrong with that, could it? After all if God made

it so enjoyable, it couldn't be wrong, could it? Tash lost her temper.

"If you dare to come near me I'll be sneezing in your face",

she yelled at the instructor.

"Ah, we have a volunteer", the instructor sneered at Tash,

"I see in your record that you suffer some allergies?

Why don't you stand in front of the room and demonstrate to us

your sneezing?" Two guards grabbed Tash, and brought her in front

of the crowd. A microphone was put under her nose, and a video camera

was pointed at her. She saw herself on a big screen, projected for

all to watch her. The guards firmly held her while

the instructor took a feather and slowly tickled her nose. "Let's find

out just how allergic you are."

Tash felt very awkward.

Never before had she been so aware of her own sneezing. They wouldn't

actually make her sneeze in front of this crowd would they? She

decided to fight the urge to sneeze. No way they'd get what they wanted.

But the more she started thinking about sneezing, and not wanting to

sneeze in front of the crowd, the more her nose seemed to tickle.

She got scared: "Please, don't hurt me. I didn't do anything wrong!

Why am I here?!"

"Isn't that clear? You are here because of your disgusting sneezing

habits... you sneeze way too loud, and way too wetly. Moreover, you

have been seen sneezing uncovered. This goes agains the laws of

this country. Being a tourist doesn't mean you shouldn't obey our law!

We will now repeatedly make you sneeze until you learn how to control

yourself." - and while he was explaining he inserted the feather a bit

further into her left nostril. Tash felt a tickle and a shiver along her spine.

Normally Tash enjoyed these shivers as they meant relief would soon follow,

but this time it scared the heck out of her.

"Please, don't *sniff* do this to me. I'll try to be a - *sniff* a ...a

bedder perzon if you don't... *sniff* I will try to beha -- "

"Shut up! We don't need promises. We need proof.

You will repeatedly sneeze for us, until you

can control it!" The feather was shoved up her nostril a bit further,

and Tash could no longer resist... "Esssheeew. Essheeww. Esssheeewww"

She had always been sneezing in multiples, and this time was no exception.

"Bring a hankie!", the instructor ordered one of the guards. "She must

clean her nose now." A white handkerchief with small

flowers on it was brought to Tash, and she cleared her nose:

"Mmmpfffff... mpffffff.. mpffff. mmmmmpf"

- one nostril at a time as once taught to her by her mother.

"I am not satisfied", the instructor yelled at her. "That's the most

disgusting sneeze I've heard in ages. Again!"

This time she had to sniff some powder.

"Ha-eeshooo... Hatchee... Hasheee". Tash couldn't help it.

She sneezed as she always had, unable to change her years-old habits.

"You'll have to do much better if you ever want to leave this place."

The instructor kept yelling at her for sneezing wrongly. But Tash had

no idea how to sneeze properly. "Ha-eeshaaw ha-eesh"

She didn't know what she was expected to do. "Hatshaaa... eshew"

Life's so unfair at times. "Heeeeeshhhheewwww... heshshshsh"

Tash gave up. She didn't care anymore about what they would do to her.

She was ready to accept how wrongly she had been living and how

unforgivable her disgusting sneezing habbits were. The instructor now

caressed her hair, and softly told her: "Why don't you cooperate?

Simply stifling your sneeze can't be that difficult?"

With the rest of her power she managed to half-stifle her

next sneeze into her cupped hand. "Haashmmmmff"

"We are making progress I see", the instructor smiled at her.

Tash suddenly felt some hope. With her last powers whe managed to

"Hmmppppffff": for the first time in her life she completely stifled

a sneeze - which made her instructor happy.

"See! I told you we'd teach you to sneeze properly!" Go get some rest now.

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Haeeshoo, that is just about the weirdest bit of fiction I've ever seen. You've got one twisted imagination, dude!

Keep it up, you big nut!

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Wow :laugh: That's a scary concept! Well-written! I love Tash's attitude towards it - and what a humiliating set-up, with the microphone and video camera! To draw attention to such things in front of such cold-hearted people! It's extremely surreal and really got me thinking as it was the first thing I read this morning :laugh: Awesome job :o

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This is bloody brilliant, so inventive and really stands out. My god, isn't this the worst nightmare of practically everyone here? It's certainly mine :o A really nicely written, original, dystopian concept...great stuff. It would make an interesting longer story.

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Terrific story! I don't think it's weird at all, but then, I constantly have fantasies about sneezing lessons and the like.

You can't beat a good bit of sneeze torture.

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