The Elven Cloak. - (20 Parts/Complete)

[Vetinari]

Hi Lostfreak

Ages ago you asked for a Dominic Monaghan story. Hope you're still up for it!

Part 1

Sometimes I think I am the luckiest woman alive. And sometimes I just KNOW I am!

I love my job – make up artist to the stars. Spending the mornings (and sometimes afternoons and evenings) studying and improving the looks of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp (difficult to improve upon perfection but I tried hard!), but the best years of my life so far were spent in New Zealand. On the set of Lord of the Rings.

To explain myself further, I must let you know that I have a strange fetish. For sneezing of all things. As a youngster I used to dream of celebrities sneezing near me, on me….Allergies would be great but I had a certain fondness for colds. After all the sneezes could be passed on! Anyway I'm wandering. On with my tale.

Dominic Monaghan is a cute guy. He's friendly. Good looking in a quirky kind of way. And that English accent -just to die for! My story really starts the day he was allocated his elven cloak. As usual I had made up his face first thing. He waltzed in nice and easy, sexy in his jeans and stripy black and white shirt, tousled blond hair all everywhere. Making up his face was an easy job if truth were told. He has lovely skin. Anyway, after I'd finished he wandered off to wardrobe to get into costume. Once dressed he'd come back through and I'd arrange his wig. I always found that part a bit sad really. Because he looked so much better without it. But still it was my job. What I was getting paid for. And so was he of course!

Anyway, I looked forward to him coming - he was always good for a bit of backchat. Flirtation I guess you'd call it. Some actors are really up themselves though I shouldn't say it. Not him though. Everyone was treated nice from the tea-girl up. But this day – the day he got his elven cloak – he looked a bit distracted when he came back for wigging up. He said "Hi" as usual but then sat there all quiet. No grinning. No innuendo. I could have sworn he looked worried about something.

"Are you Ok?" I asked. He didn't answer immediately. Just sat there with a far away look in his eyes.

"Dom?" I prodded. He looked at me. His eyelids were fluttering. My stomach did a flip. He held up a finger as if to say wait. And then just sat there. I'll swear he sat there five minutes, his finger in the air like an apostrophe. With an adorable pre-sneeze expression on his face. He sniffled, taking his time looking pained with his eyes half shut, breath hitching. I just waited, watching him breathlessly, stomach turning to mush.

It came eventually, a wet, forceful "H'ISSSHH!" The upper half of his body jerked forward with the force. He looked pained, embarrassed. But he wasn't finished. I could see him building up again, faster this time.

He pinched the bridge of his nose desperately his features slack. Urgently he began groping for pockets. Trying to find a handkerchief. Of course he had none. Only the enveloping cloak impeding his access. In frustration he steepled his hands over his face and sneezed again. A wet hollow sound. He groaned.

"Sorry," he said.

I handed him a tissue from the box I always had to hand, not daring to open my mouth for fear of exclaiming with delight at the perfection of his sneezes. I'll swear the words "That was so hot" got as far as my lips but I bit them back. He blew his nose wetly. Swore under his breath.

"Something's making me sneeze," he said stating the obvious, his eyes shining, teary looking.

"You don't say?" I raised my eyebrows, smiling mischievously. "Maybe it's me." I sighed. Wishful thinking……

I turned to get his wig. Pulled it on over his own tousled mop. Smiled at him sweetly.

"Thanks" he said. He sketched a wave and left.

TBC

[VoOs]

OMG SQUEEEE! I love Dom! And I love this story! So freakin' CUTE!

[LOSTfreak]

OMG, Thank you sooooo much! This is awesome! Wow, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this....Dom is awesome!

[Vetinari]

I realised after my first post that I hadn’t done any kind of disclaimer. Just for the record I don’t own Dominic Monaghan. In fact I have never met him or Orlando Bloom, nor indeed any of the cast or crew of Lord of the Rings. It’s all made up. In fact it’s the only way I could think of getting Dom without his wig,,,,and Orlando with his. Any excuse eh?

Anyway, shortly contagion may enter the cast. Any requests from anyone for characters other than Dom and Orlando to get involved will be given full consideration. And now on with the story.

Part 2

Dom bounced into the room late the next morning.

“Dunno what that was all about yesterday” he said. I was sneezing all over the place. Something was driving me mad.”

“Are you feeling better now?” I asked.

“Yeah. Top of the world.”

“We’ll need to be quick,” I warned him. “They’re wanting to get started shortly.”

Carefully I applied base to his skin, smoothing, obscuring all trace of facial hair. His blond streaked hair was tousled as ever and he looked casual in a black and white striped rugby shirt. As I worked I admired his cute bone structure. He grinned at my concentration.

“Doesn’t take long to make me look beautiful does it?” he teased. “Not like that ugly idiot Orlando.”

“What’s that?” Orlando Bloom strode into the room in full Legolas regalia, a fake scowl on his regular features.”At least I don’t spoil every scene I’m in by sneezing on Frodo.”

Dom reddened. “Umm……yeah,” he had the grace to look embarrassed.

“You sneezed on Elijah?” I gasped giggling. Elijah was well known on set for being a bit of a germophobe.

Dom hung his head. “At least I’m better today,” he said. “I’ll make it up to him by being perfect in every scene.”

“You’d better,” said Orland sternly. “Otherwise I’ll shoot you with my super accurate elf bolts.” He pulled an imaginary bow string and shot Dom through the head with an imaginary arrow. Dom ducked rapidly and looked up laughing.

“Missed,” he mocked. “You’re rubbish with that thing.”

“Better go and get dressed,” said Orlando. “You’re going to be late again.” He turned to me “He’s always late him. Think it takes him an hour to cover up that spiky mop he calls his hair. You’d think he could brush it occasionally….” Laughing he dodged Dom’s wild attempt to slap him. ”Too slow goldilocks,” he called over his shoulder as he skipped through the door.

“Arse,” muttered Dom good humouredly. “I’d better go get kitted up.” Be back shortly for me itchy wig.”

He arrived back shortly rubbing his eyes which were already a bit teary and red looking.

“My eyes are all itchy,” he stated unnecessarily. I turned to get his wig as he sat down in front of the brightly lit mirror.

“Uh-oh.”

I turned to look at him my eyebrows raised. “Why uh-oh?” I asked, holding out his wig ready.

“My nose, it’s ......it’s itching again…” he sniffled wretchedly. I could see his breath starting to hitch and he raised his right hand running his finger along the base of his nose speculatively.

“It’s this…..” he began, then stopped, obviously struggling. He tried again. “It’s this….huh……this bloody…ah….uhu….aITCHOOOO!....cloak isn't it.” He sneezed uncovered towards the floor. I had a full view of his face. His eyes were watering. "It started yesterday as soon as I put the damned thing on did't it. And it been just the same again today."

Inwardly I couldn’t help but be pleased. I knew he would have to wear the cloak for a long time to come. For the rest of the movie in fact. In my minds eye I imagined every morning punctuated by Dom’s gorgeous sneezing. Because to me it made him even more attractive than ususal. Oh….. that loss of control.

“Where’ve you gone?” he looked at me suspiciously. “You were miles away.”

My attention returned fully to him as I saw his dark eyelashes fluttering, onto his cheekbones. His breath became uneven. I placed a conciliatory hand on his shoulder and tried to look sympathetic as he raised his palm, rubbed the end of his nose hard in a circular motion. I felt his shoulder tense, felt the shuddering intake of breath.

“AACHHOOOO!”, the sneeze shook his entire body, bending him double, again uncovered, aiming at the floor.

“Damn it,” he sighed. “Elijah will be thrilled with me.”

“At least it’ll give Orlando something to be happy about,” I ventured.

He wandered off muttering something under his breath. I thought I heard the words “smug elf git” but I may have imagined it!

TBC

[Guest]

This is so deliciously wonderful! I can't wait for more!

Yum Yum!

Unicornpearlz

[VoOs]

Eeheehee, just lovely! You write the boys so cuuuute!

[LOSTfreak]

*is smiling like a cheeky git while reading* This is wonderful! I can picture everything. Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU! hehehe....

[Elle]

More More More More Moremoremoremoremoremoremrowr.....I likes it!!

[Vetinari]

Thanks to Chancy, LOSTfreak, VoOS, unicornpearlz for commenting. Your encouragement is very much appreciated. As I said before I am open to requests regarding other cast members, in particular I need a female cast member to include before too long so if anyone has any preferences just let me know.

Part 3

Dominic looked very depressed this morning. His gorgeous eyes looked downcast.

What’s up?” I asked.

“Oh it’s nothing,” he said gloomily, looking if anything more miserable still.

“I can see there’s something wrong,” I said. “Just tell me.”

“Really,” he said, “it’s nothing much. It’s just the whole thing on set with that bloody cloak making me sneeze all the time. And yesterday I had hayfever as well. Elijah keeps going on about it and it’s just getting to me that they’ve had to do so many retakes. I know I’m just driving everyone mad but I just can’t help it you know.”

“That’s rotten,” I said. “Do people really go on about it?”

“Oh,” he said. “It feels like it to me. It’s probably partly my imagination because it’s annoying me so much. I just feel like I’m not doing a good job. Sneezing all the time. Hell! I hate it,” his voice held intense frustration.

“You can hardly help it!” I pointed out reasonably.

“I know” He sighed. “At least you’re patient with me. It took you about ten shots to get me wig on yesterday didn’t it!” he looked at me, all puppy eyed and appealing.

I thought back to the previous day. It had indeed taken a while because every time I got the whole thing almost lined up and positioned he had sneezed. Sometimes I had been close enough to feel spray on my arm despite his careful attempts to turn to the side away from me. “Didn’t you find it disgusting, me sneezing all over you?” he asked.

I couldn’t help myself as a slightly inappropriate giggle escaped me at his question. “Erm no,” I said trying to keep my face straight. “I certainly didn’t find it disgusting.”

He caught the amusement in my voice; looked carefully at my face. I tried to suppress the grin that was fixed there. Unsuccessfully.

“What’s so funny?” he asked frowning.

I passed my hand over my face smothering the smile. “Nothing,” I tried to look innocent but the smirk returned and I couldn’t suppress it.

“What?” he said again. “If you don’t tell me I’ll come and sneeze right in your face and it’ll serve you right!” What a threat! I was tempted to refuse to say more just to see if he would be true to his word. But I wanted to cheer him up.

“Actually,” I said “I don’t find it disgusting when you sneeze. Your sneeze is very attractive.”

“Eh?” he looked at me as if I was mad. “My sneeze? Attractive? Nah, you’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“No!” I countered. “Actually I’m a bit of a connoisseur of sneezing and I happen to think yours is particularly pleasing.”

“Pleasing? Not really?” his words were an objection but his voice was starting to sound intrigued.

“Mmm!” I nodded.

“Let’s get this straight,” he said. “I sneeze and you find it attractive?”

“Very sexy,” I confirmed.

“Really?”

“Look for goodness sake,” I said. “Just go and get your cloak on and let me enjoy myself for a few minutes OK?”

“Oh! Well OK then.” He certainly looked a bit happier as he headed off to wardrobe.

*******************************************************************************

“Et-CHEW!” He came round the corner, eyes shining, rubbing his nose and breathing fast,… “Hu…Eht-SSHOOO!” He sneezed again, loudly, uncovered, aiming at the floor. By the proud grin on his face it appeared I had been successful in my attempt to cheer him up. He looked at me, his eyes teary and sniffled.

“Well?” he said.

“Well what?” I asked coolly.

“Christ,” he said in sudden consternation, “you weren’t joking earlier were you?”

“No,” I laughed aloud at the look of panic on his face as he considered whether I had been pulling his leg. His look of relief was almost comical.

“So you really don’t mind?”

“Just the opposite.” I said. “You carry on!”

*******************************************************************************

That was a Friday and afterwards we had a couple of days off. I went away for the weekend but couldn’t really get Dom out of my mind. He was actually the first person I had ever told about my unusual tastes and I wondered what effect it would have on our friendship. His initial reaction had been definitely quite positive after the initial disbelief and I wondered if life was about to get even more interesting. So I was concerned when I arrived on Monday morning to see him, waiting for me looking if anything more depressed than he had been the week before.

“You’re early,” I said to him as I entered, swinging the door shut behind me.

“Hi,” he said quietly, his eyes down, looking at the floor. I searched his face, wondering what had gone wrong. He had seemed excited on Friday. I had looked forward to seeing him. Along with the crestfallen look there was something strange in the way he refused to catch my eye. He looked if anything edgy and there was something else. Guilt?

“Dom?” he looked up. “What is it Dom?”

He looked away again, dropping his head.

“Oh for goodness sake Dom, it can’t be that bad.”

“I’ve done something terrible,” he said in a hollow voice.

“What?” I was becoming almost alarmed, wondering what on earth could have happened that was awful enough to make him so worried.

“Well,” he said, “you know we all went out drinking on Saturday night?”

“Erm yes,” I replied tersely. What had he done I wondered, a chill gripping my heart.

“Well,” he went on, “I was drinking tequila slammers with Orlando.”

“Yeeees?”

“And we got a bit carried away.”

“Aaaaand?”

“And I told him...” he said miserably "I told him about that thing you told me on Friday."

I thought about that for a couple of minutes. It could have been worse I thought. Even if Orlando thought I was crazy, weird? there wasn’t much he could do I thought.

“Is that all?” I asked.

“All?” he repeated. “It’s bad enough isn’t it. What you told me should have been in confidence but he was slagging me off about how much I was sneezing and it just slipped out somehow……” He tailed off.

“Oh for heaven’s sake would you stop looking so sad?” I said. “He might not even remember for all you know.”

The door swung open behind me at that moment.

“HEh-ISSSHHHHA!”

I swung round fast. Orlando was standing there a slim twist of white tissue in his hand and a wicked grin splitting his face.

[VoOs]

Heeheehee! Orliiiii!

MmmMM, so lovely! Can't wait for the next part!

[count tiszula]

Delicious! It's always nice when the narrator comes out; and the climactic moment with Orlando is just marvellous. [added to which I actually know which one he is...and he's in costume too...].

What next?

[Vetinari]

Delicious! It's always nice when the narrator comes out; and the climactic moment with Orlando is just marvellous. [added to which I actually know which one he is...and he's in costume too...].

What next?

Well that would be telling.....

But I do need a female shortly as I mentioned above. Any of the female stars of LOTR appeal to you? Alternatively any old girlfriends of any of the stars that might be visiting.......?

[aggedy_ann]

mmmm....this is simply yummmy. I'm loving it.

[count tiszula]

Delicious! It's always nice when the narrator comes out; and the climactic moment with Orlando is just marvellous. [added to which I actually know which one he is...and he's in costume too...].

What next?

Well that would be telling.....

But I do need a female shortly as I mentioned above. Any of the female stars of LOTR appeal to you? Alternatively any old girlfriends of any of the stars that might be visiting.......?

Well, I didn't like to say following that recent thread; but for me it would have to be Cate Blanchett looking all pale and ethereal [assuming I've got the right one...]. Keep up the good work!

[LOSTfreak]

Soooo cute! Wow, this is great! Absolutely wonderful! Poor Dom....I love him.

[(hippo)]

HOLY Crap on Crepes this is SO FREAKIN AWESOME!! hooly crap.. hgnn... And you know i dont generally rad stories right? I mean, man! If you can get ME to keep reading and reading it's GOTTA be good

Ooh! what about Liv Tyler! In all her beautiful Elven dresses and everything.. She's got such a Madonna face..

And i cant wait for more Orlando *if it's coming * Dom is SO cute!! and i love it how you portray Orlando to be such an arrogant bastard, im LOVING it!!

oh, please do write more, this? is GOLD

Thankyou!!!

[Vetinari]

Heeheehee! Orliiiii!

MmmMM, so lovely! Can't wait for the next part!

VoOs.......you're wonderful.....and Orly is soooooo pretty in his wig.......

Soooo cute! Wow, this is great! Absolutely wonderful! Poor Dom....I love him.

He is cute isn't he!

mmmm....this is simply yummmy. I'm loving it.

Cool! Here's more...

HOLY Crap on Crepes this is SO FREAKIN AWESOME!! hooly crap.. hgnn... And you know i dont generally rad stories right? I mean, man! If you can get ME to keep reading and reading it's GOTTA be good

Ooh! what about Liv Tyler! In all her beautiful Elven dresses and everything.. She's got such a Madonna face..

And i cant wait for more Orlando *if it's coming * Dom is SO cute!! and i love it how you portray Orlando to be such an arrogant bastard, im LOVING it!!

oh, please do write more, this? is GOLD

Thankyou!!!

Perhaps some Liv later if you like would like her too!!! I'm glad you're enjoying it and hope you like the next section.......

Delicious! It's always nice when the narrator comes out; and the climactic moment with Orlando is just marvellous. [added to which I actually know which one he is...and he's in costume too...].

What next?

Well that would be telling.....

But I do need a female shortly as I mentioned above. Any of the female stars of LOTR appeal to you? Alternatively any old girlfriends of any of the stars that might be visiting.......?

Well, I didn't like to say following that recent thread; but for me it would have to be Cate Blanchett looking all pale and ethereal [assuming I've got the right one...]. Keep up the good work!

Glad you like it. We'll go with Cate for the moment.......and a small cameo, just for you!

Part 4

Excerpt from the diary of Cate Blanchett

I’ve enjoyed being at home but it’s good to be back here on the set. Everyone’s so friendly and so many people have told me they missed me it’s been lovely. The flight wasn’t bad at all although Heathrow remains a nightmare despite the VIP lounges. Luckily I ran into Billie Piper in there and we sat together on the first leg to LA. The poor thing seemed a bit under the weather though. She told me that she thought she was coming down with a cold before we even got on the plane. I could hear the huskiness in her voice even then. But the air conditioning played absolute havoc with her nose and she spent most of the flight with a box of tissues on the table in front of her. Every ten minutes or so she would pull another one from the box and hang there for a few seconds before she sneezed. She has a very feminine sneeze - a cute “itchew!” sound although as the flight wore on they grew wetter and her voice became really quite congested. The poor thing looked really cold-ridden and sorry for herself. In fact at one point she fell asleep leaning on my shoulder. I felt so sorry for her when she was woken up only a short time later by a sneeze. It was so sudden she didn’t even really have time to cover her mouth! Thank goodness I have a strong immune system. Anyway I’d better get some sleep now. I’m feeling quite tired and there’s another big day of filming coming up tomorrow.

**************************************************************************************

“Hi,” the grin on Orlando’s face widened still further as he strode into the room waving his tissue. I heard Dom’s quiet groan as I braced myself for his next move. Truth be told the situation was not without some intrigue for me. He looked pretty good with that long blonde hair and those startling blue eyes. His sneeze definitely suited him; a bit brash perhaps, slightly uncontrolled. Enthusiastic. And he certainly didn’t appear repelled by the idea of a sneezing fetish!

“Something wrong?” his innocent air was comical as Dominic glared stonily at him. ”Whaaat?” he drawled and I couldn’t help laughing aloud at his injured tone and hurt puppy eyes.

“I. Told. You. In. Confidence,” Dom ground out through gritted teeth.

“But ..but……”

I shook my head, giggling like a maniac at Orly’s crestfallen look. “I think you’ve spoiled his big entrance Dom.”

“Big entrance! I’ll give him a big entrance.” I couldn’t help laughing more at that and after a moment Dom started to see the funny side too and a grin stole over his face. He never stayed angry with anyone for long. It was one of the things I liked best about him and instead of annoyance he started to eye up the crumpled twist of tissue Orlando was holding with some interest.

“How did you do that?” he asked. “You know, how did you sneeze just at the right time?”

“I’ve been practising!” eyes glittering Orly puffed his chest out, sounding proud of his new achievement.

Dom looked mystified. “Practising?”

“Yeah, there’s this whole forum all about it, about people who like sneezing,” he raised his eyebrows suggestively at me. “It tells you how to induce…..?” he glanced at me for confirmation that he had the word right and I nodded slightly, “…induce and EVERYTHING!” his voice held the wonder of the newly initiated, amazement perhaps at the scale of this thing he had never heard of before.

“So how did you do it?” prompted Dom.

“Using this,” he held out the carefully twisted point, now moist, and Dom inspected it.

“So you just put that…..what?….up your nose until you sneeze?”

“Yes!” said Orlando proudly. “I’ll show you. He threw the soiled tissue away and reached over for the box on my table, brushing past my body provocatively, his eyes on mine as his arm reached out, a wicked looking grin once more in place.

He turned a chair round to face us and sat down easily, crossing his legs so his left ankle rested on his right knee. Eyeing us casually he rolled the corner of the tissue with unconscious grace, barely watching what he was doing and when he was satisfied he carefully inserted the tip into his right nostril. I briefly glanced at Dom beside me who was staring with fascination at the spectacle, then turned back rapidly, my eyes locking onto the regular features before me which were starting to slacken into an ecstatic pre-sneeze expression. I could see his eyebrows raising, his lashes grazing his cheekbones as they fluttered open and shut. His breath hitched twice. He was visibly almost there, hanging, waiting. He raised his head slightly, squinting up at the light, pushing himself over the edge and withdrawing his hand, holding onto the armrests of the chair to leave a perfect view of his face as the release overtook him, snapping his head forward, blonde hair flying. “ITCCHHHHAAA!” it was wetter than the last and he didn’t cover at all, just letting loose without self consciousness, rubbing a tear from beneath his right eye as his self satisfied smile reappeared. I felt Dom flinch back slightly as I felt a misting of spray but his face too broke into a shy smile as he looked at me.

“Can I have a go?” he asked.

Can I???? Aaaargh!!!

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before replying. “I expect so,” I managed, proud that my voice came out sounding so calm. I passed him the box of tissues and moved my chair aside from his……to get a better view of course! I had seen him sneeze a number of times obviously but this time held a new fascination. I enjoyed the look of fierce concentration in his face as he rolled the corner of the paper handkerchief, getting it just right, adjusting until he was completely happy. He didn’t have the unselfconscious grace of Orlando but his intensity, his quiet determination had a charm all of their own, especially for me for whom his current activity was so delectable. Once ready he tentatively inserted the twisted point into his nose and sat there a moment or two

“Nothing’s happening!” he said disappointed, a downcast look on his face.

“Try a bit further in,” commanded Orly, the acknowledged expert as ever. The sad look stayed on Dom’s face, he cast me a sorrowful glance and I took pity on him.

“Do you want me to have a go?” I asked.

“I’ll do it!” Orlando stepped forwards. “Lean back a bit,” he commanded and Dom did as he was told, raising his tousled head until it was slightly tilted back, his nose aligned with the startling blue eyes. Orly took the tissue from him, re-rolled a firm point and inserted it into Dom’s nostril, aiming for an area high up at the back. I could see Dom flinch slightly as he felt his nose beginning to tickle and almost immediately he got a sneezy look on his boyish face. He held his position with his head back, and an increasing look of desperation. He began to raise his hands as his eyes closed and he steepled his hands over his opening mouth.

“Uuh…Eht-SSSHOOO!” he sneezed into his hands the sound hollow, delicious. A look of incredulous delight spread across his features. For someone who disliked sneezing so much before he was definitely coming along I thought with some satisfaction.

[count tiszula]

Hooray! Hooray! B Piper finally gets to sneeze! And just for me? *hot tears of gratitude well up in his little eyes* How can I thank you enough; especially of course the uncovered sneeze on CB's shoulder. I was wondeing if her fictional persona might object to being shoehorned in, but honestly the poor fictional girl's flary nostril has been feeling sneezy for months and has never managed to get one out; what a relief! Hmm shoehorning Billie Piper.....

Meanwhile , the proper story is going brilliantly; all that virgin inducing stuff; it's just so exciting , isn't it. I can see this working up to a veritable orgy of mutual inducing.......

[Vetinari]

Hooray! Hooray! B Piper finally gets to sneeze! And just for me? *hot tears of gratitude well up in his little eyes* How can I thank you enough; especially of course the uncovered sneeze on CB's shoulder. I was wondeing if her fictional persona might object to being shoehorned in, but honestly the poor fictional girl's flary nostril has been feeling sneezy for months and has never managed to get one out; what a relief! Hmm shoehorning Billie Piper.....

Shoehorning. Who's talking about shoehorning. Billie Piper was living in LA at about this time and Cate was living in the UK. Flights from London to Wellington go via LA so what could be more natural than them meeting!

I can see this working up to a veritable orgy of mutual inducing.......

Can you really?

[count tiszula]

Hooray! Hooray! B Piper finally gets to sneeze! And just for me? *hot tears of gratitude well up in his little eyes* How can I thank you enough; especially of course the uncovered sneeze on CB's shoulder. I was wondeing if her fictional persona might object to being shoehorned in, but honestly the poor fictional girl's flary nostril has been feeling sneezy for months and has never managed to get one out; what a relief! Hmm shoehorning Billie Piper.....

Shoehorning. Who's talking about shoehorning. Billie Piper was living in LA at about this time and Cate was living in the UK. Flights from London to Wellington go via LA so what could be more natural than them meeting!

I can see this working up to a veritable orgy of mutual inducing.......

Can you really?

a) What indeed? {Must read therest of her autobiography; ooops, what a givaway]

I certainly can. Excessive, and all. {How did that get in there?}

c) The boy Bloom is a Man of Kent, or is it Kentishman! Must ..recruit.. for ..rising ...against ...Livingstone.

[Geist]

WOW, how did I miss this?!?! Fantastic, wonderful, creative and AMAZING job! Loved every second of it!

[LOSTfreak]

Awesome! Sorry, I'm not replying to this until just now. This is great! I can't wait to see what happens next. YOU ROCK!

[(hippo)]

Dude, this is freakin AWESOME!!

The subtleness of the sneezing (not just sneeze after sneeze after sneeze i mean, but good strong plot and fun! ) and the characterisation is amazing and your descriptions are perfect!!

Gawd, im loving this SO FRIKKIN MUCH!!

Thankyou! Thankyou!

[Vetinari]

(hippo), LOSTfreak, Aku, Count....I am lost for words. Thanks for your comments they are highly valued.

Oh and (hippo) plot....got a bit lost here sorry.

Count....an orgy......well we can't really - there are under 18s present.......Oh! an orgy of sneezing....well OK then!

And here for all of you (and anyone else that may be reading this), here's

Part 5

Excerpt from the diary of Cate Blanchett

I have been feeling uncharacteristically tired today and have had the strangest sensation in my nose and throat – the unpleasant feeling that there was rather more mucus there than there should have been. Perhaps my immune system is not as strong as I thought. No matter I will try to get an early night tonight and hopefully I should still be able to throw this off........

***********************************************************************

Orlando prowled round the small room, looking as ever for distractions. The previous day’s inducing had descended somewhat predictably into a race during which he and Dom each attempted to coax out ten sneezes in the shortest time whilst I, having been nominated adjudicator (Orlando’s eyes were GLEAMING as he suggested it!) squirmed in my seat as I watched these two men, each gorgeous in his own way sniffing their way through fully thirty minutes of nasal torture.

There were rules of course: Each was limited to one tissue but use of the light was allowed, as was any other locally found stimulus excepting pepper from the canteen. And because I was adjudicating, the final rule was no blowing or covering!

Mmmm…

Orlando started well with a rapid triple which he greeted with a triumphant shout and some celebratory shaking of his fist in the air. Repositioning his rolled up tissue, he replaced it in his left nostril and almost immediately was rewarded with a further two

“ITCCHHHHOoo!, Hi-AITSCHAA!”

More dancing around and fist thrusting were underway by the time Dom, lifting his head to look at the light and closing his eyes almost ecstatically, was overtaken by a colossal “Huh…At-SSSHOOO!”, his first sneeze which snapped his head forwards forcefully. I could see as he lifted his head that another was on the way as he glanced up at the light again, eyes half closed, long eyelashes fluttering, he struggled manfully to bring the obvious tickle to a head by lifting his hand and gently massaging the bridge of his nose. His eyebrows lifted again as his face went slack and his mouth opened in preparation. “CHOOO!”

Orlando, who had stopped his prancing to watch started jumping up and down, waving his hand like an impatient schoolboy. “He covered, he covered, I saw him use his hand” he yelled.

“Did not!” countered Dom turning towards him.

“Did too!”

“Not!”

“Did!”

“HEY!” my yell was loud enough to gain their attention immediately. “Would you just get on with it please,” I snapped in my best schoolmarmish tone. They both stood there for a second shuffling their feet apologetically then returned to the matter in hand (or perhaps that should be in nose).

Orlando’s tissue by this time was becoming rather soggy. I could see that the point was wet and beginning to bend, laden as it was with clear mucus. I expected him to change it, personal experience having shown that a fresh corner was more effective, however he did not. Despite this decision, he did coax forth another very wet sounding and desperate “It-cHHAAA!”. He turned to the side, sneezing straight out and I could see the spray falling parabolically, all backlit by the spotlight which was shining from the wall behind him onto his long blonde hair.

Dom, I thought, was almost undone, having managed only one more, rather apologetic sneeze, virtually in unison with Orly’s last. Had I not been so attentive (my eyes were almost popping out of my head as you can imagine) I might have missed it. But I had reckoned without his quiet determination and his unexpected deviousness. He had been tickling away at his left nostril unsuccessfully for several minutes, during which I could see he was causing plenty of irritation. Several false starts complete with raised eyebrows and stiffening shoulder muscles were testament to that, as was a solitary tear that had escaped his left eye and was currently running unheeded down his cheek. His lack of success was frustrating him though, demonstrated by an emerging frown and several annoyed glances at Orlando, who actually was meeting with little success himself. On his final glance however he saw, as I did, that Orlando had abandoned his soggy tissue and was carefully licking a strand of his long blonde wig into a fine point, carefully holding it up to the light to examine its shape before inserting it.

He was rewarded almost immediately by a sharp intake of breath heralding another desperately wet sneeze, again turning his entire body sideways and sneezing jubilantly, sniffling wetly afterwards as his obviously running nose threatened to overflow. Dom looked on thunderously, not quite stamping his foot in frustration but clearly annoyed by the new ploy of wig induction. Suddenly a gleam of light crossed his features, the storm left his face and he was running next door to where his previously hated cloak hung on one of the long costume railings. Triumphantly he carried it back into the room, shaking it out almost like a torero about to begin taunting a mad bull. Holding it up to his nose he sniffed it deeply. Lifted his head and stood there awaiting his fate.

"heh-ISHoo! H'ITSSSH!.......H'ISSSHH! HRrr-eSHOOO…………..Heh-CHHssssooooo! …………………….Hi’ ETCHOOO!”

Eyes watering frantically he stood there and buried his nose in the grey cloth once more. His shoulders lifted, his eyes closed and he took a huge gasp of air before bending forward with a mighty “HA-TCHHOOOO!” Throwing the cloak to the ground he jumped on top of it, dancing around, fists raised in obvious elation, a positive use found at last for the hated cloak. He turned to me and I stepped forward to hug him, bouncing and cheery as he was. He stood finally still, arms around my waist as mine were around his and standing there, with his body pressed against me, I felt the telltale tensing of his muscles, noticed his breathing become uneven. He tried to let go, to pull away and I clung even more tightly to him, relishing the build up despite the fact that I couldn’t see his face. I felt the jerk go through his body as the sibilant rush of air exploded beside my ear, felt the spray misting my neck and a deep sigh, almost a groan escaped me. He pushed away again and somewhat reluctantly I let him go. He was blushing sweetly and hanging his head so I gently pulled him towards me and rested my cheek against his in a consoling gesture.

He turned then to the deflated looking Orly who was standing there pouting childishly, bottom lip trembling as if he was going to cry. “Sorry mate,” he said looking rather sad at the devastation on his friend’s face.

“Why can’t I have a cloak like that?” he whined.

“You have,” Dom pointed out gently.”

“Yes but mine doesn’t….mine doesn’t…..”

“True,” conceded Dom. “But you’ve got your wig at least,”

Orlando’s face brightened perceptibly as he considered the possibilities. “Tomorrow,” he said, “we’re going to think of another competition. And this time I’m going to win!”

TBC

[count tiszula]

What a gem! This is just wonderful.

"The final rule was no blowing or covering". Ah, would that such a rule were universal.

And the backlit spray; perfect. Reading the latest chapter, I recalled the occasion some decades ago at the school when, attacked by unusually strong sunlight, my companions gave vent to just such a flurry of sneezes, the morning sun illumining the spray that burst from each contorted face, eyes fluttering, nostrils flared.