how do you get away with it when your SO doesnt know?

[brownsville]

Hey, ive just started dating a wonderful guy- who has the hottest sneezes ever!!! better than that- hes really sneezy and even better than that (so good to talk to people who understand my joy!) he does these massive build ups, and even better than that- he sneezes pretty much differently every time- like today- this morning two harsh sudden wet sneezes- then in the afternoon, two beautiful build ups and two wet sneezes into his hand (with the old "oh dear, i'm going to sneeze...) and my personal fave, a little stifle this evening.. soo hot...!

he has no idea (at least i hope he doesn't!) i choose not to tell for a number of reasons, but mainly cos its my personal private thing that i enjoy, y'know. as a result, as i'm sure a lot of you guys can relate to- i get really self conscious when somebody sneezes and it makes me hot!! i sometimes wonder what the look on my face is like!

today he sneezed and i remarked afterwards "hey, that new tv isn't bad at all is it?" *cringe* i nearly got caught out last week- we were making out and he turned away (turned away dammit!!) and sneezed, then said "oh i'm really sorry about that" then about five minutes later he randomly asked "have you got any fetishes you havent told me about then?" *yikes!!!* i said; "huh? whaddya mean? huh?? why? why did you just ask that? no, none!" /defensive.

he just said he was stroking my feet and noticed i'd made a few jokes before about me having a shoe fetish... (cos of the amount of shoes i have) phew!

the problem i have is two things- a) i cant bless him- because i really dont wanna do anything thats going to draw attention to the fact that i noticed he sneezed, though i do want to bless him! i generally dont bless people (cos it gets me hot!) but i blessed this girl at work and it came out all wrong! Oh my god i nearly died, and now i'm worried about anybody hearing that in my voice! this girl i work with normally does quite wet sneezes but i was on the computer half distracted and she came up to show me something, and right next to me half stifled the most adorable sneeze like "hitchhhooo" and without thinking- i went "oohh...bless YOU" in a way that sounded like i was in a porno film!! she just laughed and went "oh haha- the way you said it then!!" i kind of chuckled and said "yeah i know, d'oh, i was on the pc, and distracted haha!"

then I went in the next room to curl up and die!!

And B ) for you guys who don't tell but are in a long term relationship- how do you get away with your SO not finding out and not putting two and two together!! i'm worried one day my SO is going to think "hang about.. every time i sneeze...." He said to me today " i've been really sneezy today, my nose is all sore too, i hope i'm not getting a cold..." he was cooking at the time and then i started pawing at him.. "whats wrong with you?" he chuckles.. christ if he only knew!!

So i suppose my question is- if youre with a partner who really knows you well and your responsiveness- how do they not begin to think that there might be a link between the sneeziness and your arousal? has anybody been busted like this before? your thoughts please.....

[KawaiiKitty]

My husband has NO idea. I tried to tell him once and he was completely disinterested, so I reckon his punishment is he doesn't GET to know that a completely normal thing can turn me on whenever he wants. I don't know...we live in the same house, sneezes have come up on TV all the time, he sneezed in front of me countless times...I guess either I have an extraordinary amount of self control or else it's not that easy for people to figure out.

My last long term boyfriend, I constantly told him his sneezes were cute and played with his nose, but never told him of the fetish, and he never figured it out either.

Perhaps the moral is "don't worry"!

[Geist]

While I DID tell my ex husband about my fetish, I didn't tell him about the forums. (This one wasn't around yet!) I guess it was sort of like this was my "personal" fun time and I didn't feel like he had to know about it. I mean, he had his...um....porn....(sorry, no other way to say it! ) so there was no reason I couldn't have mine.

Mind you, there's a reason he's my "ex" husband, but I didn't want him knowing about this place just the same. I don't see anything wrong with that.

However, I must assure you of this, you are NOT as obvious as you think. I realize that it may feel that way, but (at the risk of sounding like a broken record!) sneeze fetishists see the world through fetish-colored glasses quite often. We think differently from the average person and I honestly do not believe they think about sneezing that often. It's just something that happens to them. To us, it's a major event!

Oooh, and I know what you mean about blessing someone and getting all hot and bothered. Part of the reason I don't say it is because it comes out sounding like something overtly sexual and full of lust when I do! I personally don't like being blessed at all, but if I find a sneeze unbearably hot, my "liquid-sex" bless you comes oozing out of my mouth anyway.

~Aku

[Sneesee]

Well, when I first found the forum and became active, like, the first day I found it, I did try to keep it hidden from hubby. What I would do was go on when he wasn't home, or late at night while he was sleeping. Only, I didn't keep it very long, and it was a good thing because I was not very good in the beginning about cleaning out the computer's history (we share ours), and he did see the name of the forum in the bar when he was doing a search for something. Ooops! I'm a lot more knowledgable now than I was back then.

Either way, I came clean, he knows about this place, and he knows I'm a moderator. So, at least I can be on here ever when he's home and stuff. I don't like hiding that sort of thing. But, for years, I did hide it, from everyone. I would still bless people, because I never figured they would ever find out. And bascially, I was right.

Even now, when I've told people, they still say they would have never figured it out in a million years. My friend, Head Cashier, even said once, "Even if you jumped me every time I sneezed, I probably still wouldn't have figured that one out! I'd never put those two things together, ever."

And also, perhaps your boyfriend only used the word fetish to describe obsession. I've heard these two words interchanged a lot lately. You mentioned having a shoe fetish,a nd he just wanted to know what else you are obseesed with, that was probably it. I've heard lots of people use the word fetish lately, in a non-sexual way. In fact, this weekend, we have a friend who was obsessed with pirates, and joked all night around a bonfire that he wanted to become a pirate. One of our other friends asked, "What's with Mark and his sudden pirate fetish?" Obviously, Mark isn't turned on by Pirtaes, like we are turned on by sneezing, and some others are turned on by feet or leather and such. She meant, why is he obsessed with them.

So, I really don't think that he's going to find you out. But I also understand why you don't bless him. I always stifled my own, because I didn't want any attantion ever brought to sneezing, at all. So, I guess we all have our reasons for our actions. But, I don't belive he can possibly ever figure it out, unless you tell him.

[brownsville]

aww, thanks sneesee, i guess you're right, and i think i am viewing things through "fetish coloured glasses" i told my friend i look at "fetish stuff" he told me what he looks at and i wouldnt tell him though. he made a few guesses at things like smoking, leather etc.. but not this- like your head cashier- i guess its just not in people's consciousness at all. i guess its cos i'm dreading the day if i ever get found out! oh and this-

"Obviously, Mark isn't turned on by Pirtaes, like we are turned on by sneezing"

made me LOL! he's probably on a pirate fetish forum writing "she isnt turned on by sneezing obviously like we're turned on by pirates...."

[polychrome]

"Obviously, Mark isn't turned on by Pirtaes, like we are turned on by sneezing"

made me LOL! he's probably on a pirate fetish forum writing "she isnt turned on by sneezing obviously like we're turned on by pirates...."

Anyway...I respect your decision to keep it to yourself, but I ended up coming clean to my boyfriend (now husband) because he was going to reformat my hard drive and I had no idea whether he might find something. I figured it was better to talk about it than to have him discover it and either ask about it, or worse, pretend he *hadn't* found out about it. It was on my mind for months as one of only 3 things I didn't want to tell him (some things I don't feel a particular need to tell him but aren't big secrets) and I figured we were getting so close I wanted to knock it down to 2. He kind of laughed at me for being sooooo nervous about something so innocent, but he's been really supportive. My advice for keeping it under wraps is to not let him fix your computer if it breaks, clear out your history regularly if he is going to be using your computer, get in the habit of blessing him now so he doesn't pick it up as a random thing if you decide to start later (and you'll get more practice keeping your voice under control). Someday you might decide to share the fetish, but like many others, my husband had no clue whatsoever even though I pretty much pounced on him whenever he had a sneezy or sniffly day.

I hope things go well with this one!

[Feta Sneeze]

I find that saying "bless you" comes out the same way as when saying the word "sneeze". Just...wrong sounding. Like it's something dirty and erotic. I don't like saying them because my tongue gets tied every time I try and say them! Then when I finally DO say "bless you" to someone, I feel like I'm stuttering and they know I've just said something that gives me all away. ::sigh::

[brownsville]

Yeah thanks guys- well thats it- NOBODY uses this p.c, because its locked and i'm good at making excuses! aargh! well, i think i'm gonna try and do it tonight, it'll be easier if hes closer to me- i'm not saying it if he's far away! lol.

i might try and run it into something- so after he sneezes i'll go "aw, bless you, are you okay...?" haha

Oh and this-

" I find that saying "bless you" comes out the same way as when saying the word "sneeze". Just...wrong sounding. Like it's something dirty and erotic. I don't like saying them because my tongue gets tied every time I try and say them! Then when I finally DO say "bless you" to someone, I feel like I'm stuttering and they know I've just said something that gives me all away. ::sigh:: laughing.gif"

......was soooo much like me- i almost thought I'd written it! I know how you feel!

He sneezed in the car on saturday and there were two passengers in the back. One said bless you! from the back, and the other said "yeah, bless you!" i said- "does that cigarette lighter work still?"

[Sneesee]

"Obviously, Mark isn't turned on by Pirtaes, like we are turned on by sneezing"

made me LOL! he's probably on a pirate fetish forum writing "she isnt turned on by sneezing obviously like we're turned on by pirates...."

Maybe he is, I should ask him!

He sneezed in the car on saturday and there were two passengers in the back. One said bless you! from the back, and the other said "yeah, bless you!" i said- "does that cigarette lighter work still?"

OMG! This line really made my day! Made me laugh so hard!

[brownsville]

hahaha! thats nothing Sneesee- i've got a whole repetoire of silly comments i burst out with out of awkwardness. Two of my recent post sneeze awkward silence howlers were: After a fit in the kitchen i said: "you know, it's easy to forget how hot a chip pan can really get!" and after a big one in front of the t.v- "I've sometimes thought there might be a small animal in the attic..."

Gaarrghh!!!

well last night i did it- i thought "i'm gonna do it and come and tell the forum of my success!!" BUT i screwed up, haha!

but i'm getting there- he sneezed right next to me and i kind of mumbled "awblessyouuohisyournosebadagain?" hahaha!!

But the bad thing is- i was so self conscious- i didnt enjoy the sneeze as much as when i just stay silent as though i never noticed! damn!!

[LOSTfreak]

I have been having a bit of trouble in this area and am REALLY scared that I'm so obvious, that my family will find out. Whenever someone sneezes, for some reason I kind of feel akward saying "Bless you." I didn't have that problem a couple years ago, but I do now....And my face gets all red and I act all weird whenever I'm watching a T.V. show or movie with someone sneezing.

[brownsville]

hey lostfreak, although i'm in the same boat as you- i remembered something today that backs up what sneesee and akutenshi said. My boyfriend has a fetish (relating to some sort of s&m) and he was joking about it on a public forum before i met him and making these ( i thought) sarcastic comments about it like "oohh! yeah i love a bit of the old.. really gets me hot! hahaha!" - i had even said to him before "haha! into that are you!" as a joke, he just laughed it off. although in a separate conversation as friends i asked him if he was into anything remotely kinky and he said no- and i believed him.

However, he told me as his SO about it seriously- and even though wed made jokes about it- and it was probably quite obvious looking back- i NEVER guessed.

Because even though i'm fetish minded, its kind of selfish- i dont go around looking for signs of others fetishes (except sneezing! lol!) i think even if you acted REALLY weird in front of your parents, theyd probably think at best that you were kind of disgusted/grossed out by it (luckily with our fetish thats what prob comes to mind if we dont bless or look awkward! ha!) thats my cover if i ever get asked "whats up with you?" if i act really weird, i just go " ha! its gross!" thats the excuse i use if i ever get picked up on it - i have in all my years only been questioned twice to my ludicrously awkward reactions to a sneeze. I think people automatically assume your undereaction is from embarrassment, or politeness. I've been watching other people's reactions to a sneeze in my paranoia and i've noticed that people who dont bless, sometimes just smile and look a little embrassed if somebody sneezes in front of them- and i doubt everybody who doesnt bless is a fetishist!

I've forced myself to acknowledge some sneezing- and i've practised doing it with random members of the public to try and train myself that its okay to acknowledge it without feeling like somebody is gonna yell "AARRGH! YOU'VE GOT A SNEEZE FETISH!!" It's about self consciousness really, and its all in your mind, but its very real. Last year in college i made a fool of myself by not reacting to something and i realised that in some cases reacting to a sneeze is normal. This girl in one of my groups has an INCREDIBLY loud attention seeking sneeze. we were doing quiet reading and she suddenly went "AAAAAAARRRTTTTTTSSSSHHHHOOOOOOOOOUUUIIIII!!!" twice and everybody jumped and started laughing going "oh my god, your sneeze!! god it scared me!!" and the teacher made a "joke" by going "BLLEEESSSS YOU!!!" back to her and said "OH! we liked that one! didnt we" everybody was laughing- EXCEPT ME. who was suddenly finding the page we were in very engrossing, and i ended up going red! i thought, come on, pull yourself together- i looked wierd THEN not reacting!! then next lesson this girl next to me had an ADORABLE fit, and i was sitting there in ignorant heaven, when a friend said "aw man, were you listening to her sneezing?" You can IMAGINE the look of horror and guilt on my face as i looked up going "whaddya mean!" she said " we were just saying, her allergies are killer today- have you HEARD her?" "Oh, that, um, yeah...." After these two incidents i decided I'd have to stop feeling so awkward for my own sanity!

Although i can look at it objectively, i still feel the same amount of self consciousness. i was on the phone just now and the guy on my end- on tv, for christ sakes said "she had a pretty bad cold and i could see her sneezing and wiping her nose..." and my first thought was "AARGH! TURN THE T.V DOWN! what will my friend think if he hears it, hell think i'm into sneezing or something!!!!" which is ridiculous, but you can't help feeling like that, because for US it's something sexual, and is probably the equivalent of a non fetishist sitting there getting turned on my something or someone. I certainly feel like that sometimes. When somebody says something about their sneezing i'm mortified- the other day i was on the phone to the electricity board and the woman was talking, and she stopped and said "oh- excuse me- i think i'm going to sneeze-" she may have well have said "excuse me- i'm just about to masturbate- do you want to watch?" i felt THAT embrassed. i think sometimes we beat ourselves up over it, but we cant help our sexual responses. because we have a fetish, we associate it with sex- nobody else does.

long post but i hope that helped a bit- theres lots of us here who feel the same

[LOSTfreak]

hey lostfreak, although i'm in the same boat as you- i remembered something today that backs up what sneesee and akutenshi said. My boyfriend has a fetish (relating to some sort of s&m) and he was joking about it on a public forum before i met him and making these ( i thought) sarcastic comments about it like "oohh! yeah i love a bit of the old.. really gets me hot! hahaha!" - i had even said to him before "haha! into that are you!" as a joke, he just laughed it off. although in a separate conversation as friends i asked him if he was into anything remotely kinky and he said no- and i believed him.

However, he told me as his SO about it seriously- and even though wed made jokes about it- and it was probably quite obvious looking back- i NEVER guessed.

Because even though i'm fetish minded, its kind of selfish- i dont go around looking for signs of others fetishes (except sneezing! lol!) i think even if you acted REALLY weird in front of your parents, theyd probably think at best that you were kind of disgusted/grossed out by it (luckily with our fetish thats what prob comes to mind if we dont bless or look awkward! ha!) thats my cover if i ever get asked "whats up with you?" if i act really weird, i just go " ha! its gross!" thats the excuse i use if i ever get picked up on it - i have in all my years only been questioned twice to my ludicrously awkward reactions to a sneeze. I think people automatically assume your undereaction is from embarrassment, or politeness. I've been watching other people's reactions to a sneeze in my paranoia and i've noticed that people who dont bless, sometimes just smile and look a little embrassed if somebody sneezes in front of them- and i doubt everybody who doesnt bless is a fetishist!

I've forced myself to acknowledge some sneezing- and i've practised doing it with random members of the public to try and train myself that its okay to acknowledge it without feeling like somebody is gonna yell "AARRGH! YOU'VE GOT A SNEEZE FETISH!!" It's about self consciousness really, and its all in your mind, but its very real. Last year in college i made a fool of myself by not reacting to something and i realised that in some cases reacting to a sneeze is normal. This girl in one of my groups has an INCREDIBLY loud attention seeking sneeze. we were doing quiet reading and she suddenly went "AAAAAAARRRTTTTTTSSSSHHHHOOOOOOOOOUUUIIIII!!!" twice and everybody jumped and started laughing going "oh my god, your sneeze!! god it scared me!!" and the teacher made a "joke" by going "BLLEEESSSS YOU!!!" back to her and said "OH! we liked that one! didnt we" everybody was laughing- EXCEPT ME. who was suddenly finding the page we were in very engrossing, and i ended up going red! i thought, come on, pull yourself together- i looked wierd THEN not reacting!! then next lesson this girl next to me had an ADORABLE fit, and i was sitting there in ignorant heaven, when a friend said "aw man, were you listening to her sneezing?" You can IMAGINE the look of horror and guilt on my face as i looked up going "whaddya mean!" she said " we were just saying, her allergies are killer today- have you HEARD her?" "Oh, that, um, yeah...." After these two incidents i decided I'd have to stop feeling so awkward for my own sanity!

Although i can look at it objectively, i still feel the same amount of self consciousness. i was on the phone just now and the guy on my end- on tv, for christ sakes said "she had a pretty bad cold and i could see her sneezing and wiping her nose..." and my first thought was "AARGH! TURN THE T.V DOWN! what will my friend think if he hears it, hell think i'm into sneezing or something!!!!" which is ridiculous, but you can't help feeling like that, because for US it's something sexual, and is probably the equivalent of a non fetishist sitting there getting turned on my something or someone. I certainly feel like that sometimes. When somebody says something about their sneezing i'm mortified- the other day i was on the phone to the electricity board and the woman was talking, and she stopped and said "oh- excuse me- i think i'm going to sneeze-" she may have well have said "excuse me- i'm just about to masturbate- do you want to watch?" i felt THAT embrassed. i think sometimes we beat ourselves up over it, but we cant help our sexual responses. because we have a fetish, we associate it with sex- nobody else does.

long post but i hope that helped a bit- theres lots of us here who feel the same

Thank you! Actually, that does make me feel a bit better about it. Feeling obvious kind of sucks because we really aren't that obvious, as you proved here.

[doggo]

Hey, this is really helpful to read! I mean, for me this thing has always been accompanied by MASSIVE shame, guilt and awkwardness. Mentionin the TV-thing in some posts made me laugh out loud so hard! I mean, it's just like me! Since I was a child I found it unbearable to watch the "sneezy episodes" of any TV-shows (it's curious that there is almost always at least one!) with others. And I would never DARE to bless anyone, and it makes me feel quite unpolite. Well, I have been practicing to bless my boyfriend (who has a habit of sneezing from about anything), as I'm otherwise so relaxed in his company.

It's actually quite fun to watch anime, as there is so often sneezing-related stuff that is precicely meant to make you go "awww... so cute", so I can be mesmerized by it without being "caught" so easily as it feels just natural to pay attention in that way.

But yeah, personally I think that if my boyfriend could put the pieces together and realized why I was so horny when he's sneezy, I guess he would just think he's really clever and would try to use that as his advantage without saying anything. I doubt he would suspect right away that even I myself were concious about that. If he would say something, I think I would just play innocent and say something like "yeah, that's possible, i might actually be like that" and rest my case for a while. The ice would be broken easily that way and I could later really tell about it. And if he stays clueless, well, I like to have my secret kink

[a_nonny_mouse]

This thread is kind of painful to me -- I can't imagine keeping secrets like this from a long-term partner. Any partner worth a damn will respect you; any partner not worth a damn, you should move on from, so you can meet one who is.

Regardless, though, on blessing people, I have to share: I sort of compulsively respond with a calm and pointed "bless you" these days. I never used to, but when I realized it was because of a hangup I trained myself to do it. I have this weird detachment I invoke sometimes, especially when people sneeze. The "bless you" is camouflage now.

[doggo]

This thread is kind of painful to me -- I can't imagine keeping secrets like this from a long-term partner. Any partner worth a damn will respect you; any partner not worth a damn, you should move on from, so you can meet one who is.

I got your point but it is still a bit complicated. Personally, I think I live in a relationship that is unbelievably open, there is no forbidden subjects whatsoever etc. But this thing is something I have in my long, lonely fethisist years thought to be something unbearably shameful, something no-one in the world could share. When you teach yourself to think like that, and you're all alone with your kink, it makes your sense of what is trivial, what is serious and what is a crime agains humanity go all mixed up and fuzzy. Personally, getting in touch with this forum has changed me instantly, and I'm not so terrified by the thought anymore.

Well then there's another thing, for me any kind of "elaborateness" is a turn-off. I just love that the things that excite me happen naturally, and I can observe without the observed being concious if and especially why am I so turned on. I just like it more that way. That's why even if I'm not so terrified by the idea to be found out, I wouldn't like to discuss it much enough with my SO to show it's extent.

[~~~]

I agree with you. I would usually tell the person or they'd find out after i've known them for a long while , but i find it difficult to actually sit there and talk about it. it makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather just have them know about it and be able to tease me and stuff without the elaborate-ness.