Icarus Rex Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I'm notorious for being almost freakishly observant in most situations, so I've got a few good sneeze-observations kicking around in my brain. I'm also looking for feedback on which kinds of obs everyone generally prefers. Whenever I write an observation or story, it ends up being super-lengthy, and I was wondering if, for this sort of thing, everyone likes reading... er... "raw" sneeze descriptions better?Obviously it's different for everyone, but I'm curious. Anyway, on to the obs...---So, there's this girl in my Art History class, and I'm really not sure what she's doing there... but that's a different story. She arrived at class late one day, pissing and moaning about having to sit in the front row because of it. She's the type of person who complains about the sky being blue, but today she was complaining about having Fall allergies, so it was actually worth listening to for a change. Suddenly, as if complaining about them reminded her allergies to kick in, she was interrupted by three drawn-out sneezes, "Huhhwa-SCHOO... ha-ESHHHOO... hhhupAASHOOO!" each with about a second in between.She shut up after that, but sneezed twice more, "HAHESSCH-shoo... HUHHWAHH-CHOO... HAASCHYOO!" louder and more desperate each time. I sit towards the back of the room, but I could still see her shoulders give a small convulsion with each build-up, and her ponytail bob up with her head after each recovery.She stopped for a little while, until the class' attention was directed to a slideshow projected on the right wall of the room. As everyone reoriented themselves, I glanced over at the girl, who I could now see in profile. Even with the lights dimmed, the reddish color creeping into the bottom of her nose from all the sneezing was visible. During this quick glance, her brow crinkled without warning, and her nostrils flared dramatically. She seemed caught by surprise by the force of the first one, "HAAA-HEHSCHOOO!" and managed to snatch a tissue from the box on her desk just in time for the second, "HUHHweeh-SHOO!"She groaned obnoxiously afterwards, and I can only assume kept complaining all day.
WLF2226 Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Very good observation!! wow that is what I miss from the school, the classmates that couldn't hold back her sneezes
count tiszula Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 This is terrific, especially the lovely elaborate details "The reddish colour creepimg into the bottom of her nose..." Can't work out if it's raw or not, but please keep with this style. The gods spoke , and thundered from a blue sky.
Vetinari Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Super lengthy is fine by me. Very nice indeed if I may say so.
Lamborghini Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 This length is perfect. And so is the ob. Thanks. Lamborghini
army-girl Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Thumbs up ^.^= I'm glad I decided to scroll a little further for my entertainment As far as the writing goes, excellent obs! a good amount of detail and by my standards (), not lengthy at all Then again research has shown that as far as text-length goes, my standards are COMPLETELY OFF . I like how you kept it all spaced up (something I appear to be incapable of doing, though with my tendency to produce text in bulk I suppose using proper paragraphs IS considered spacing it up).Keep it coming
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