HP: Family - (6 Parts)

[Guest]

Title: Family

Author: Unicornpearlz

Disclaimers: These characters and world belong to JKR, though I wish I had Remus all to myself!

Summary: Harry is spending the night, but catches a cold. Lots of Remus/Sirius ANGST.

Warning: Blood is mentioned in parts 7 and 9.

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1

“You feeling all right, Rem?” Sirius asked, nervously wringing his hands. He had been pacing around the house for about 20 minutes, intermittently glancing at the clock.

He took a deep breath through his nose to emphasis that it was all clear. “I’m fine. Really. No need to worry about me.” Remus smiled. Harry was coming for his first sleep over today. It hadn’t been easy to convince Molly to let him stay, but Remus assured her that he’d be there and that no harm would come to Harry. Although he wasn’t sure if it was because she trusted him, or because somewhere deep down inside she knew that Sirius would never harm Harry, she agreed.

Sirius shot him a look. “I’ve heard that before, Remus. Usually just before you pass out or fall so ill you have to be taken to St. Mungos.” His eyes softened as he realized he’d been yelling. He walked up to him and tried again. “I’m sorry, Rem. I’m just so nervous.”

Remus smiled again. “I know. I promise it won’t be like last time.”

Sirius chucked and thought back to that. Harry was just a baby, and Remus was in the middle of an awful case of the flu. But, those were dangerous times. Lily and James needed to be out on a mission, and Remus and Sirius needed to be together. James fully trusted that Remus would be zonked out on the couch, and that Harry would have hardly any interaction with him. Meanwhile, Lily had hoped that Harry would have some interaction with him – she wanted her son to have a tough immune system, early on.

Sirius remembered how they had argued that point. And, he remembered how relieved he was that Remus never heard it. Although he had become tougher emotionally, in his old age, back then he was ultra-sensitive about how he affected those around him. He knew, back then, that if Remus ever heard those arguments that he would feel self conscious ever being around Harry again. James and Lily must have known it too, because by the time they arrived, they had the living room all set up for Remus to either fall asleep or just be there. Tissues, books, water and juice, warm blankets, and cool wash cloths were everywhere.

Sirius remembered the relieved look in Remus’ eyes as he thanked James and Lily, just before succumbing to a harsh non-productive bout of coughing that doubled him over and nearly drove him to his knees. He remembered gathering Remus into his arms as he looked at James and Lily. James had busied himself with turning down the sofa bed. Lily had started some tea. Remus was apologizing and saying that he should just go home. That he was fine. That he didn’t need anyone to worry about him. Really.

Sirius could hear his whimpering and feel him curling up to him on the bed, whispering that he thought he should go home. That he was certain that James and Lily didn’t want him there. That it was dangerous for Harry.

Sirius remembered the looks of sadness, sympathy, and hurt in James and Lily’s eyes when they heard those things. And, Sirius knew they felt guilty about taking him out his home, and about fighting over such trivial things when there were bigger problems than taking care of a sick friend.

Sirius remembered how Remus cried in pain that night, apologizing in his sleep – to James, to Lily, to Sirius, and to Harry. Sirius could never forget the apology to Harry. Remus feverish and sleeping whimpered and rolled over. Then whimpered and rolled over again. Sirius was playing with Harry on the other side of the living room. He got up and brought little Harry to the seat next to the bed.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. So sorry that I’m not strong for you. So sorry I’m always ill. Don’t think less of me Harry. I am strong. And I will protect you unto my death. I will…”

Sirius remembered looking at Harry, who giggled and burbled, too young to understand the vow that was just made before him. And, for the first time, but not the last Sirius sat Harry on his lap and told him stories about how brave and loyal his Uncle Remus was until they both fell asleep in the chair.

The fire sprang to life and broke Sirius out of his reverie. He jumped and looked at Remus again. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure,” Remus answered, as they both went to the fireplace.

Harry stepped out, looking dazed, but otherwise all right.

“Harry! How was your trip? Are you okay? Molly didn’t pamper you too much did she?” Sirius hit Harry with a barrage of questions as soon as he stepped out of the floo.

“Nah, she’s out on some business. Besides-,” Harry paused, his nostrils twitched slightly, but he only snorted a little.

A normal person wouldn’t have noticed. But, Remus and Sirius weren’t normal people. Remus spent over half his life sick or injured, and Sirius had spent the better portion of his life caring for Remus. And, often, when Remus was ill, Sirius’ ailment wasn’t far behind. They gave each other knowing glances. But, behind Sirius’ eyes was a paternal hurt and nervousness. He had cared for Remus loads of times, but never for a family member. Fear in his abilities flickered behind his eyes, and Remus saw it.

“You all right Harry?” Remus asked, giving him a warm smile.

“Yeah,” Harry answered, setting down his overnight bag. “”m fine.”

Sirius paused, but only slightly before grabbing Harry’s bag. “Well, let’s put you up in your room. And, I do mean your room, Harry. From now on, no matter what happens or who is here, this will be your room. It’s just down the hall from Remus and myself, so if you want to have a girl over and have a quick shag or something – .”

“Sirius!” Remus shouted at him.

Sirius turned to him. “What?! He’s a young man. He has needs. He doesn’t want his old uncles listening in on that! Remember us at that age Remus?”

Remus smiled and his eyes twinkled at the memory, while Harry blushed.

“Uh, thanks,” Harry ventured. He didn’t mind that Remus and Sirius were together, in fact, he welcomed it. At first it had been odd – someone who had been so vilianized in his world being so sweet, and then finding out that he was gay on top of it. But, he saw the look that he and Remus gave each other, and it was so obvious that their love was true. Harry couldn’t help but welcome it into his life.

“It’s nothing, Harry,” Sirius continued. “My home is your home.”

Harry smiled, “Thanks Sirius. It feels good to know I have a home.”

Sirius’ face darkened. “What do you mean, Harry? Aren’t you still staying with the Weasleys?”

Confusion crossed Harry’s face. “Of,” he gasped, his nostrils twitched again. But, a few deep breaths and he was fine. “Of course.”

Confused and concerned, Sirius turned to Remus.

“What he means Harry,” Remus stepped in for him, “is that we thought you had a home with the Weasleys. But, your statement seems to indicate otherwise.”

“My- oh!” Harry exclaimed, realizing what he’d said. “I do have a safe and loving home with the Weasleys, and they’re wonderful and all, but it’s their family. And, even though they make me feel like part of the family, it’s nice to finally have a home with my family.”

A look of relief crossed Sirius’ face. “Ok. That’s better. And thank you. I do mean it. We are family Harry. You and I.” From the corner of his eye he saw Remus’ eyes grow sad, but it was only for a moment. “And Remus as well.” He put out his hand for Remus to take, and became concerned when Remus took it, reluctantly. ‘He has to know what I meant,’ Sirius thought to himself.

“I know.” Harry was concerned. Sirius seemed so excited that he was here. But, all that Harry wanted to do was rest. And, though he was loathe to admit it, Remus seemed sad for a second there. But, Harry couldn’t figure out why. Remus and Sirius were and inseparable. Everybody knew that.

“Come Harry,” said Sirius, “let’s get you all situated. How long were you planning on staying for?”

“Just a few nights. Until Monday, most likely.”

Sirius beamed. “That sounds great Harry! Remus is a great cook, and I know he’s already got your favorites planned for tonight.” He ushered Harry out of the room and up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Remus sighed to himself. Harry looked so much like James. A bittersweet smile crossed Remus’ face. He wished that James was here to hear Sirius called Harry family like that. He would have been so pleased.

As Remus started supper, he recalled James confiding in him that he was concerned that when Lily got pregnant he and Sirius would have a falling out. Sirius and Remus always wanted children – a little Scottish girl with fiery red hair. But, because of Remus’ affliction it was impossible. James was afraid that the two of them seeing Lily and James so happy with their own child would be more than Sirius could bear. Remus remembered assuring him that they would be overjoyed when Lily ‘popped a pup’. He recalled James’ forced smile and the doubt in his eyes.

Then he recalled the joy in Sirius when Harry was born. Sirius was beside himself, and was calling Harry his nephew before James and Lily had a chance to approach him about being an uncle. Remus always did love when a plan came together.

2

“Dinner is served!” Remus called up the stairs. Sirius and Harry had disappeared up the stairs over an hour ago. The Marauder in Remus pondered where they went. Maybe Sirius apparated him to another country, or even to Looking Glass Cemetery, where Lily and James were buried. Remus waited a few minutes, but when he didn’t hear foot steps, he bolted up the stairs. Something was wrong, he could feel it. “Sirius!” he called. Nothing. “SIRIUS!”

Sirius poked his head out of Harry’s room. “Oy, Remus, what’s the matter?”

Overwhelmed with relief, Remus flung his arms around Sirius.

“Rem, are you trembling?” Sirius asked, moving them into the hallway and shutting the door behind them.

“Sirius, don’t do that. I was so - ,” he took a shivering breath and attempted to recompose himself.

Looking deep into his eyes, Sirius cupped Remus’ face in his hands. “Remus, it’s okay. I’m right here.” He paused then added. “He does look like James, doesn’t he?”

Resolved not to cry with fear or relief, Remus kept his eyes closed and nodded.

A kiss was placed to his forehead. “I know,” Sirius said.

The door opened. “Is everything okay?” Harry asked quietly.

Taking a large quivering breath, Remus turned to Harry. “Everything’s fine. Dinner’s ready.” With that, he rubbed his hand through his hair and descended the stairs.

Harry gave Sirius a wary look.

“He’s all right, Harry. He just gets worried sometimes.”

After they had sat down to dinner, Remus knew he had to start the conversation. Harry and Sirius kept looking at him as if he was going to break at any moment.

“So, what kept you two?”

Harry blushed. “I’m afraid that was my fault. Sirius and I were talking and I kind of fell asleep. Sirius was trying to wake me, and I guess I wasn’t all that interested in being awake.”

Remus flushed with embarrassment. ‘Good way to over react,’ he thought to himself. “Oh, sorry Harry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay. Dinner’s great. And I was so hungry.” He lied – well in part. Dinner was tasty, but he had no appetite for it.

“So, what do you want to do tomorrow Harry?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know.” In truth, he wanted to sleep. Maybe talk about his parents some more. But, he didn’t want to disappoint Sirius, and he certainly didn’t want to force Remus and Sirius to keep reliving memories that it had taken them a lifetime to move past.

“I’m sure we’ll think of something,” Remus said. He noticed the dark circles around Harry’s eyes and the tired droop in his shoulders.

Sirius smiled. “Do you have to go to Diagon Alley for anything?” he asked Remus.

“A few things.” He was running low on cold remedies that both he and Harry could take. He wasn’t a fool. If Harry was getting sick, the likelihood of him coming down ill was high. “Harry you can join me if you’d like.”

When Harry didn’t answer they turned to see him dozing.

“Go bring him upstairs,” he told Sirius, as he started to clear Harry’s food.

“Oy, Rem. What are we going to do?”

“Take care of him.”

[Guest]

Parts 3 & 4

That night, Remus and Sirius sat snuggled up on the couch each with a mug of hot chocolate, though Sirius’ included a little jolt of something extra.

“It sucks that he’s sick this weekend,” Remus said, quietly.

“Yea, but it’s that he’s trying to hide it that bugs me. He should know he can be himself around us.”

“It may not be just us. It could be that he doesn’t want to admit that he’s sick. Or even that he doesn’t want people worrying about him more than we already do.”

Sirius nodded. “I guess.” He looked at Remus, who was gazing into the abyss. He recalled the sadness in his eyes earlier, and his reluctance to take his hand. “Rem, are you all right?”

Remus blinked and looked into Sirius’ lovingly handsome face. “I’m fine.”

Sirius gave him a squeeze. “But, if you weren’t, you’d tell me right?”

“Of course.” Remus looked up at him with concerned eyes. “Why Sirius? What do you think is wrong?”

“I don’t know. You seemed sad before. And – just – I don’t know.”

“And what Sirius?”

“You didn’t want to hold my hand.”

“Sirius, Harry has been more than accommodating to us and our relationship. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Especially when you were just talking about shagging.”

“Oh.” ‘Well that makes sense,’ he thought.

A soft sneeze from the doorway startled them.

“Excuse me,” Harry whispered. “I’m not very tired right now. Hope you don’t mind the company.”

“No, that would be fine Harry,” Remus said moving away from Sirius.

Harry smiled and sat in the arm chair.

“Can I get you anything Harry?” Sirius asked, moving to get up.

“Some tea would be nice.”

Sirius tossed a glance at Remus.

“I’ll get it,” Remus said getting up. I always was better with tea leaves than Sirius.”

“Careful, you may get splattered with an orange before the duck flies at midnight,” Harry mumbled.

Sirius fell out laughing, and even Remus chuckled as he made his way to the kitchen. He remembered what a crock they all thought divination was, and was pleased that Harry was so much like his father in that regard. Not that he didn’t believe in divination, but there was something about reading tea leaves that seemed a little hokey to him.

Remus brought out a spearmint tea with honey, and Harry visibly relaxed as he drank it.

Remus sat on the other side of the room from Harry, and both Harry and Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, you know you can sit next to him, right?” Harry ventured, gesturing at Sirius.

“That’s kind of you to say Harry, but I don’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Nah, it’s no biggie. I like to see the two of you h-ha-,” he turned his head and buried his nose into his shoulder, “hassht! happy.” He sniffed a little and rubbed at his nose.

“Bless you, Harry,” Sirius said leaning forward, with his elbows on his knees. “You feeling all right?”

“I’ll be fine. Just a bit of a cold. Nothing to be concerned over.” Noticing that Sirius seemed worried anyway, Harry continued with, “I’m fine. Really.”

Remus chuckled, and Sirius glared at him. “Now where have I heard that before?”

“Huh?” Harry sniffled.

“Remus, over there, tends to use that line whenever he’s so ill he can’t move. I’m fine, really, he calls out weakly, when it’s so obvious he’s not.”

Remus continued to chuckle. “Well, I can’t have you worrying about me all the time can I?”

“I worry about you anyway,” Sirius said, gently.

Remus stopped chuckling and smiled softly. “I appreciate it.”

“Hekshht! Excuse me.”

“Bless you,” Remus said. “Are you warm enough? We don’t keep it very warm in here. Sorry about that.” With a flick of his wand a fire sprang to life in the fireplace.

“You remember when James came by right after you lit the fire?” Sirius asked.

“But, the floo network,” Harry started.

“It wasn’t perfected just yet, and your father darn near singed all the hair off his legs.”

Harry smiled, but didn’t laugh. “Were there any bad times when my mum and da were alive?” he asked suddenly.

Sirius’ smile faded. “Well, of course. They were dark times, Harry.”

“No, I mean, before the dark times. Did my mum and da ever fight? Were there disappointments too?”

“Sure there were, Harry, but why do you want to know about the bad things?”

“Well, you two have been wonderful, telling me about them and everything. But they don’t quite seem real. You make them sound like they were always bright funny people, and I want to know what their dreams were – what your dreams were. Did everything work out for the two of you like you always planned?”

“Well not completely,” Sirius said, leaning back. A shadow crossed his face and he crossed his arms in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Sirius, I wasn’t talking about Azkaban. I meant, heh- hesskt! Hepkessht!” Harry pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose wetly. “I meant, did my mum want a girl? Did you two want to adopt? Were there ever any fights or differences of opinion?”

Remus swallowed hard. “Yes, there were those times. Your mum was hoping for twins, actually. She wanted a boy and a girl. Best of both worlds she used to call it. But, she was very pleased with you.”

“Did she have a girls name picked out?”

“Emily,” replied Sirius, gruffly.

Harry leaned back and sipped his tea. “That’s pretty.”

Remus looked at Sirius. He had shut down. Carefully, Remus went to sit next to him, but Sirius held his hand up. “Not right now, Rem.”

Hurt, but understanding, Remus went back to his chair. “Did you know your mother was a poet?” he asked Harry.

“Really?”

“Yeah. She wrote the most beautifully depressing poems. She said it was how she kept being so happy all the time. You see, she and your aunt were very close growing up. But, then you mum got accepted into Hogwarts and their relationship deteriorated beyond the point of salvation. She got her feelings out in poetry. I can pull some out for your if you’d like.”

“Sure.” Harry tried to imagine his mum and aunt getting along. He supposed it had to have happened at some point.

“The one I always remembered the most was:

death and coldness, silence and despair

suicide seems the likely answer,

but what of the repercussions

i know of the light of the other end.

i know of the rest of being gone

i know of the pain i’ll never inflict

but is there more?

is there more to this death than just the bad i won’t do

what about the good

will i be missed

will anybody notice i’m gone

or will i just be a vague memory

somebody they once knew

does it matter either way

no more pain inflicted on others

no more fear of being hurt

what better way to be there for somebody,

always there to listen

always there

no more dreams

no more hopes

no more pain

no more fear

no more...” Sirius grumbled a little and shifted uncomfortably.

“My mum wrote that?”

“Yeah, right after Petunia stopped speaking to her. She was devastated.”

Remus blinked back tears. That wasn’t the one he’d committed to memory. In fact, he’d forgotten about that one entirely. He sniffed and stated, mine was,

“Standing alone

Watching the trees

bend and sway

in the breeze.

Lying in the grass

Surrounded by friends

watching meteors

in a show that never ends.

Playing kickball

And running the bases,

ghosting a team

with proud supportive faces.

Hiking in the ravine

Against our parents wishes

not afraid of wolves or bears,

just sleepin' with the fishes.

I remember my friends,

And the good times we had,

but I had to get out

and it makes me sad.

They know I left

For a better life,

that it would have killed me

to be a trophy wife.

But I still remember

All the things we said,

all the things we did,

all the feelings we had.

I know they had

My best interests at heart

when they told me to go

before life tore me apart.

But, I miss them so.

I miss being a 'we'

and I can't help but wonder,

do they miss me?”

Sirius nodded. “She was an unforgettable lady.”

“My mum was sad?”

“About a lot of things,” Remus answered. “But, the group kept her smiling and that was the good part. She was the best of us.”

Harry smiled. Suddenly, his jaw went slack. “Heptshoo! Epsheoo! Tesshoo!”

“Bless you,” they said, not quite in unison.

Harry groaned and rubbed his temples.

“Headache?” Remus asked.

“Yeah. Just tired, I guess.”

“Do you want something? I’m sure we have something you could take.”

“Nah, I think I’ll just be going to bed now.” He got up and started to walk out of the room. Suddenly, he turned back. “Thanks for telling me the truth. My mum seems more real now. More like I knew her.”

Remus smiled sadly. “Good. Go to bed; we’ll be up in a little while.”

“Good night, guys.”

They heard him pad up the stairs. Then it was quiet.

***

“Sirius?”

“Go to bed, Rem. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sirius, what’s the matter? You know he’s always asking about his parents. It’s only fair he knows the good with the bad.”

Sirius glared at him. “It’s not about Lily.”

Remus sighed. “I thought not.” He got up and sat next to Sirius. “Talk to me.”

“No. Just go to bed Rem.”

“It’s about the little girl, isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Remus started playing with his hands. “Sirius, there are ways to adopt.”

Sirius shook his head. “No, there aren’t.”

“Muggles don’t know. They wouldn’t look at my blood for that.”

“But, they would look at your blood, Remus. Don’t you get it? We can’t have kids. I will never have kids.”

Remus had almost forgotten how much Sirius used to want kids. He thought he outgrew the phase. But, apparently not. “You could go to adopt. And, I could just come into the equation later.”

Sirius looked up sharply. “I don’t want you out of my life, not for any length of time. But… never mind.”

“Sirius, if you still want children, we will make it happen.”

“We can’t make it happen. You know that. They will never let a child near you. You’re affliction is the reason we can’t have kids. And, I am not giving you up.”

Remus looked down and swallowed hard. This was one of those dreams that never came true for Sirius. So many of the dreams he had never came true. This was just one he worked hard to forget. “But, there has to be a way,” Remus whispered.

Suddenly, Sirius stood up, his eyes blazing. “They won’t give us a child because of you, Remus! Remember? We’ve gone through this already! They said everything was fine, until they realized you were a werewolf. You are unsafe, they said. As long as you are with me, I will never have a child! It’s something I’ve dealt with. It’s something I’ll continue to deal with. Now, go to bed!”

Remus blinked rapidly to hold back the tears. He had repressed that memory. But, Sirius was right. He was the reason Sirius could never have kids. “Night,” he whispered and briskly left the room.

As he passed Harry’s room, he heard the door open. “What happened, Remus?”

“Nothing. Go back to bed,” he said as he continued down the hall. He didn’t want Harry to see his tears.

[Guest]

Parts 5 & 6

“Hep-tchoo!”

“Bless you,” Sirius said, passing Harry a glass of orange juice.

“Thangs. Hechtchoo!”

“That cold’s sounding worse. How about we just hang in for the day?”

“Sounds good.” Harry snorted, and then sneezed again. He noticed that Sirius was oddly quiet. He had been awake when Harry came down stairs in the morning. Remus had yet to come downstairs. Harry noticed Sirius seemed distracted. Assuming it was over the same situation that Remus was so upset about, he offered, “Is everything okay?”

Sirius’ head snapped up. “Yeah, thanks.” He smiled, half heartedly.

“Sirius, I mean it. What’s wrong? I know something happened last night after I went upstairs.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed as he took a piece of toast. “How do you know?”

“Hasshoo! Ep-tachoo! Eshhoo!” Harry sneezed wetly, and blew his nose again.

“I raised voices, but couldn’t understand what was going on. When I opened my door, Remus was going past. He looked really upset.”

“He worries too much.”

“You seem pretty worried yourself.”

Sirius scrubbed a hand over his face. “It was a dream he and I used to have. He’s still trying to make it happen, and I know it won’t.”

The clock struck eleven. “I should go check on him. Make yourself comfortable. And make a list of anything you need. Remus will get it when he goes to Diagon Alley.”

“Thangs. Heptshhoo!”

As he ascended the stairs, worry really started to kick in. Even when he was sick, Remus hardly ever slept this late. And, since Sirius hadn’t gone to bed, he had no idea what state Remus was in.

He opened the door slowly. “Rem?”

Remus was in bed, lightly snoring. An empty vile was on the nightstand next to him. Curiously, Sirius picked it up and sniffed it. Just a light sleep aid. He sighed in relief.

He shook Remus lightly. “Rem, come on. Time to get up.”

Remus shook him off and burrowed under the covers.

“Remus, I love you,” he ventured. It used to work when they were younger. But, they hadn’t had a fight in so long that he wasn’t sure if it would still work.

“Fat lot of good that did you, “Remus replied, blinking sleepily.

“Hey sleepyhead. What do you mean, fat lot of good?”

“All I did was cost you what you wanted most.”

Sirius was afraid that Remus would take the fight to heart. “No, all you did was add to my life.”

“Somehow I don’t believe that. You’re spending your golden years taking care of a decrepit old werewolf that cost you what you wanted most in the world. Lucky you.” He glanced at the clock. “Blimey! Is that the time?” He nearly leapt out of bed, and grabbed his clothes. “Tell Harry I’ll be going to Diagon Alley shortly and to make me a list. How could you let me sleep this late?”

“I already told Harry to make a list. And I let you sleep this late because I figured you needed it.”

Remus sighed and shook his head, pulling on a shirt and then a jumper. He went to leave the room, but Sirius stopped him. “Remus, we have to talk.”

Those words sent an icy shiver down his spine. “About what?”

“Us.”

Remus froze and sat heavily on the bed. “We are still an us, right?” he asked quietly.

Sirius looked at him oddly, and then it dawned on him what Remus was asking.

“Of course we are, you git! I just wanted to be sure that we’re okay.”

Remus swallowed but didn’t say anything. “You tell me.”

“I didn’t mean to yell at you like that.”

“Nah, you were right. I did cost you everything.” He was still looking down. The tears were ready to drip out of his eyes, but he kept blinking to try to keep that from happening.

Sirius sat down next to him. “Not everything, Remus. Just a child.”

“Which is what you’ve always wanted most in the world.”

“No, Rem. You are what I’ve always wanted most in the world. I wanted a family for us. Not for me.”

“Well, you have your family now. You and Harry. And that’s good.”

“Me, You and Harry, you mean.”

“Whatever.”

“Remus, you are my heart. Harry is my God child. I love you both.”

Remus looked up. “I wouldn’t ever begrudge you, Harry. Not ever. I am so happy to see the two of you bonding so well. But, I saw you shut down when he asked if we wanted kids. You still want them. And, because of me, we can’t have them. How is that supposed to make me feel?”

Unsure of what to say, Sirius said nothing.

“That’s what I thought. Do you need anything from Diagon Alley?”

“No.”

Without another word, Remus got up and left.

***

“Eptesshoo! Egashoo! Esshoo!”

“Bless you,” Sirius said, and handed over another tissue.

“Thangs.” Harry sighed. “I’b sorry about this. I wish I wasn’t sick my first visit.”

“Harry, there is nothing to be sorry about. Your sick, and that’s fine. It’s not like Remus and I don’t have experience with that sort of thing.”

“Probably more you than Remus.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothig against Remus. It’s djust that he’s sick at least once a month. With all the years you two have together, that’s a lot of months.”

“He takes care of me too, Harry. He’s not an invalid.”

Harry blushed. “I never meant to imply that he was. Just saying.”

“Just saying what?” Sirius was getting angry, and it showed. How dare Harry put down Remus – someone who loved Harry so much and asked Harry for so little.

“Just saying that his affliction keeps you busy, I guess. Eptshoo!”

“Bless you.” He thought about that for a moment. “Yes, I guess it does. But, I still love him in spite of it.”

Harry smiled. “That’s what I love so much about your relationship.” He snorted and started to cough.

When he finished coughing, Sirius asked, “What is?”

“Your ability to take the good with the bad.”

Sirius smiled. He and Remus had an affinity for taking the good with the bad. It was nice that people noticed that. And, even nicer still that Harry noticed that. “Thanks.”

Harry smiled and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Sirius was gone. He glanced at the clock, over an hour and a half had gone by. He noticed that he was covered with a blanket. As he went to get up to find Sirius, his nose twitched. “Hesshoo! Hugshoo! Essffhoo!”

Sirius poked his head in the room. “Bless you. How was your nap?”

Harry rubbed his eyes. “Good, thanks. Where is Remus?”

Sirius frowned. “I don’t know. He should have been back an hour ago.”

“Go find him, then.”

“Nah. Sometimes he just gets caught up talking. And sometimes he meets a friend and they go for lunch. He’ll be back soon.”

But, he wasn’t back soon. In fact, he wasn’t back by suppertime, and Sirius was beside himself.

“Go find him, Sirius. Hesshoo! I’ll be fine. It’s just a little head cold. Go find Remus.”

Sirius was pacing in front of the fireplace. “But I have to take care of you. You’re my family. James will kill me if something happens to you.”

“My da would understand, Sirius. I’m a big boy. I can handle myself.”

Sirius continued to shake his head and pace.

“What if Remus is sick or hurt?”

“St. Mungo’s would have sent an owl.”

“If he’s not in a back alley somewhere.”

“What would he be doing in a back alley?”

“Sirius!” Harry yelled. “Go. Find. Remus!” He snorted and coughed, but remained firm.

Harry’s tone of voice seemed to snap Sirius out of it. “I have to find Remus,” he said, as he grabbed his cloak and flooed to Diagon Alley.

[Guest]

Parts 7 & 8

“Remus!? Remus Lupin!?” Sirius called the second he got to Diagon Alley. There were still a few people shopping, but it was mostly empty.

Sirius ran to the Leaky Cauldron, and asked the staff if they had seen Remus. All of them were certain that they hadn’t.

Quickly, he went to the herb shop, where Remus was a regular.

“I saw him earlier, yep. He came in looking for herbs for cold remedies. Left with two large bags full. What are you two doing, running a hostel?”

Sirius told him that Remus liked to be prepared, and thanked him for his time.

“Remus!” he called out, once he was outside the shop. He ran up one side of the street and down the other. Then he saw them. Two large bags, full of herbs, dumped out on the sidewalk. “REMUS!” he shouted as loudly as his voice would hold.

Then he heard it. A faint moan. So soft that most people wouldn’t even have noticed it. It was coming from down an alleyway. He cut the corner and ran until he saw him. There was blood, a lot of blood. A gash on the side of his forehead. Remus was propped up against some garbage cans, bleeding profusely.

“Remus!” Sirius said, breathlessly, kneeling in front of him.

Remus strained to roll his head to the side, but it didn’t work. “Siri?” he breathed.

“I’m here, Remus.” Sirius’ heart ached. Remus was so pale, and from the blood that had pooled besides him, he could tell he’d been bleeding for quite sometime. If only he’d checked on him earlier. If only he hadn’t been so harsh to him the night before.

He pulled off his cloak and pressed it to the side of Remus’ head. Remus winced, but remained steady. “What happened love?”

“A few people noticed some of the herbs I bought. Figured I was either a werewolf or helping one. They didn’t take kindly to it.”

“Come on, I’ve got to get you home.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s better this way.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Remus was never melodramatic, so this statement scared Sirius.

“You have your family, and you can have your daughter.”

Tears sprang to Sirius’ eyes. “How long have you been here?”

“Since I left the tea shop. I don’t know. What time is it now? It was about two, when I left the shop.”

A shudder went though Sirius. Remus had been bleeding out for about four hours. “No, I’m getting you home.” He placed a weightless spell on Remus, and gathered him into his arms.

“It’s okay, Siri. I’ll be with James and Lily. You can take care of Harry.”

“No, no, no, no,” Sirius whispered and he started walking back to the floo point.

“Besides, what’s one less werewolf, right?”

Sirius paused. “What?”

“That’s what they kept saying. What’s one less werewolf?”

“It’s a big deal to me, and it’s a big deal to Harry. I am not losing you.” He resumed his pace at a run.

“Shouldn’t be. You can have your little girl now. The one with the red hair.”

“Remus, she is probably close to 20 years old. I want you more than I ever wanted her.”

“I’m being a git,” Remus whispered.

“That’s right. But, I love you anyway.”

Remus gave half a smile and started to pass out.

“Oh no you don’t. You stay with me, Remus Lupin. I’m not losing you to the likes of them.”

When they emerged from their home fireplace, Harry was dozing on the couch. The second he saw them, he sprang into action. “Sirius, what do you need me to do?”

“Get a basin of lukewarm water. I have to fix his wounds.”

As Harry ran upstairs, Sirius lay Remus on the couch. “Remus?”

“I’m here, Siri. But, I see James and Lily. They say you’re doing a great job with Harry. Keep it up.”

Sirius swallowed, hard. Remus was slipping away, right in front of him

“Here you go,” Harry said, handing Sirius the basin with several towels and washcloths. He also had brought down the box of bandages. “Heh-egashoo! Eshoo! Efresshoo!”

“Bless,” Remus said, quietly. “You know, Harry. You always were my family too.”

Harry raised his eyebrows and looked at Sirius. “I know, Remus. You’ve always been my family. You and Sirius are closer than blood. I love you both.” He sniffed, though this time it wasn’t from his cold. “What happened?” he asked Sirius.

“Some anti-werewolf enthusiasts saw the herbs he bought and beat the crap out of him. He was bleeding in that back alley for about 4 hours when I found him.”

Something inside Harry’s stomach twisted. “He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?”

“Of course he is.”

Harry sneezed four times in rapid succession. “Hessh! Issshh! Kessh! Hep-Tissh!”

“Four sneezes? I thought you only sneezed three times?” Sirius said, looking at Harry.

“Cold’s getting worse. Maybe I should go.”

“No!” Sirius snapped. “I mean, not unless you want to.”

Harry shook his head, as the clock struck seven. “But, I am a little hungry. Do you want supper?”

“Yes, please Harry. We have soup that you can heat up. Make some for Remus as well, please.”

“Of course.” Wobbly, due to the fever he didn’t want to tell Sirius about, he slowly walked to the kitchen. He set the soup on the stove and waited while it heated.

***

The next day, Harry felt considerably worse. He didn’t even want to get out of bed, let alone face Sirius and Remus.

Then he remembered, Remus.

After supper, Sirius had moved Remus to the bedroom, where he seemed to be resting comfortably. But, Harry wasn’t even certain if Remus survived the night. He was fairly certain he had, however. Sirius was distraught enough over Remus being so badly injured. He could only imagine Sirius’ grief had Remus died. He shook his head of such thoughts and forced himself to get dressed.

Sirius was sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

“Sirius?” Harry whispered. His voice was shot. He wanted to go to sleep. But, he knew Sirius needed him.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“Lousy. You?”

Sirius had been prepared to lie. But, if Harry was willing to tell the truth, he figured he should too. “Terrified.”

Harry sat down next to him. “He’ll be fine, Sirius. Remus has looked worse after a particularly bad full moon.”

“Yes, but someone is usually there during that. From what I could get out of him, he was beaten by at least 4 guys. No one was there to protect him. He just took it.”

“Why would he just take it?”

Sirius blinked hard and tears started to flow.

“Sirius, Remus is really good in a fight. Why… heh- eh –heh Eptishoo! Esskisshoo! Esshessh! Heh-issh!” He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and relieved his nose. Coughing a few times he tried again. “Why would he let them hurt him?”

“Because some part of him thought it would make me happy if he was suddenly just not around anymore.”

Harry, who had been rubbing his temples stopped. “Why?” he asked, incredulously.

Sirius sighed. “One of our lost dreams is that we used to want to adopt. We passed all the tests, and picked out a child. Then they found out that he was a werewolf. It ended everything. It’s what we were fighting about the other night. Somewhere deep inside he’s holding the loss of the dream against himself.”

“So, he thought if he was suddenly gone, you would just adopt and be happy?”

Sirius nodded.

“What a git!” Harry exclaimed. “Oh! Sorry, Sirius.”

Sirius chuckled. “It’s okay. I had the same reaction.”

Harry put his head on the table and started to drift off.

“Harry, why don’t you get to bed. I’ll check on you in a little while.”

Sleepily, Harry nodded and went back to his room.

[Guest]

Parts 9-13

“Remus?” Sirius called softly.

Remus’ eyes fluttered open. “Sirius?” He looked around. “I’m alive?”

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, Rem. You’re alive.”

“Oh, Siri. I’m so happy. I thought those anti-werewolf activists were going to kill me.”

Sirius smiled. “I’m glad they didn’t.”

“You’re glad they didn’t? They weren’t beating on you. I’m glad they didn’t.”

Sirius chuckled. “Let’s both be glad they didn’t, shall we?”

Remus smiled. “Sounds good.”

Sirius’ expression turned serious. “Remus, I don’t want to adopt anymore. I’m too old. And, I’m set in my ways. I just want our family to be the way it is.”

Remus cocked his head, and winced in pain. “You sure? I’m sure we can think of something.”

“I’m positive. Don’t think on it anymore. That phase of our lives is over now.”

Remus smiled. “Okay. How’s Harry?”

Sirius shrugged. “His cold is getting worse. He’s feverish and resting now. I was just going to check on him.”

“How are you feeling, Sirius?”

“Like I have a family.” Sirius started changing Remus’ head dressings. The bleeding had stopped. And the wound, while large, was not deep. “I’m going to take care of Harry for a little while. You get some sleep okay?”

Remus nodded and let sleep overtake him.

***

Sirius placed a cool washcloth on Harry’s forehead. He was burning up. This ‘little head cold’ was turning into a true, ‘I’m fine’ situation.

Harry’s eyes fluttered open. “Thanks, Sirius,” he moaned. “Hesshh!” He tried to cover the sneeze, but didn’t quite make it. However, he was too exhausted and feverish to notice.

“Just rest now, Harry,” Sirius told him, as he settled himself in a chair in the room and prepared to wait it out for the long haul.

***

“Rachoo! Eagachoo!”

Remus stirred awake. His head was still hurting, but he felt considerably better than he did the last time he woke up. Something inside him told him that something was wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on what.

He recalled …. Harry… oh, Harry was sick. And Sirius was upset with him about something. But, that didn’t seem important anymore. Their main goal now was to take care of Harry.

He tried to sit up, but his head pounded in protest. He knew he had picked up headache potions at Diagon Alley. Then he remembered that they went crashing to the ground when he was attacked. He groaned and flopped back onto the pillows. This was not going to be pleasant.

“Rachhoo!”

His ears perked up. Those weren’t Harry’s sneezes. They were much deeper than Harry’s.

“Rachoo! Egasshoo! Oh…”

He knew those sneezes, and that moan. They were Sirius’.

Remus pushed against the pain and hobbled out of bed. Coaxing one foot in front of the other he found Sirius, in the washroom, pale as a ghost, in the middle of a sneeze.

“Rachoo!”

“Sirius!”

Sirius jumped. “Do you need something Rem?” he asked. His voice was hoarse, and his eyes had dark circles under them.

“No, but you do.”

“’m fine.”

“You’re not. How’s Harry?”

“Still sleeping.”

“Come to bed then.”

“Don’t want you to get this. It’s awful.”

“Sirius,” Remus whispered as the world spun around him. “Come to bed.”

Relenting Sirius nodded. “All right, Rem...” And the two of them settled in together.

***

Remus rolled over to put his arm around Sirius, but Sirius wasn’t there.

Panicked, he sat up, and nearly passed out from the pain in his head. Then he heard it. Laughter.

He coaxed himself down the hall and opened the door to Harry’s room. Harry had more color in his cheeks, and less fever. He was laughing at a story Sirius was telling him. Both of them jumped when Remus entered the room.

“You okay?” Sirius asked.

“Just making sure you two are.”

“Yeah, I feel loads better. Actually going to go back to the burrow today,” Harry said.

Remus frowned. I thought you said you were going back Monday.

Harry smiled kindly. “It is Monday, Rem.”

Remus blinked and tried to remember. He couldn’t have been asleep for that long, could he?

Harry climbed out of bed and grabbed his clothes. “I’m just going to get a shower before I go.” He kissed Remus on the cheek as he walked past.

“What was that for?” Remus asked, surprised.

“Because I wanted to,” Harry reasoned and walked down the hall.

Remus turned his attention to Sirius. “You look miserable.”

Sirius’ face fell. “Rachoo! Eatchoo! I ab misderable. Bud, ‘arry is leaving soon. Then we can djust take care of eadchodder. Racchoo!”

Remus nodded slowly, and toddled off back to bed.

***

“Rebus, wake ub.” A snort and a sniffle followed.

Sleepily, Remus pried his eyes open. Sirius was pale and sweating, with fever. But, his eyes were angry.

“What happened?” Remus asked, forcing himself to sit up.

“Remus, where were you when you got beat up?”

Remus swallowed. “Diagon Alley.”

Sirius stifled a sneeze. “I know that, you git. But, where were you when they – hey- heh – Ratchhoo! Heach-Achhoo! When they followed you?”

Remus swallowed hard. He had always been bad at lying to Sirius. This time, though, it looked like he was going to get away with it. Until now. “At the herb-.”

“The truth, Remus.”

Remus sighed. “Why?”

“Because I got a very interesting letter from the Werewolf Hostel stating that they have a little Scottish girl, with red hair, who has recently been brought in. They said they were very happy to have someone with the affliction who was so interested in adopting her, and when would we be able to come in to get to know her some.”

Remus went pale. “I told you there had to be a way,” he whispered.

“Rem,” Sirius’ voice was soft. “I appreciate this. I do. And, as much as I would have liked a child 20 years ago, I’m just too old for that dream now.”

Remus shrugged awkwardly. “Just wanted you to be happy, Siri.”

Sirius sat next to Remus and put his arm over his shoulders. “I am, Rem. You make me very happy. I would have loved a little Emily of our own to play with Harry when they were young – werewolf or not. But, now,” he sighed heavily, and coughed twice, “we’re old, mate. Far older mentally than we are in years. It’s just not going to work. Not that I don’t want it to, but I have the family I want now.” He sniffed.

Remus did too, but it wasn’t because of a cold.

“Remi, you and me and Harry, we’re all that’s left. I don’t need a child to tell me I have a family.”

“What about… nah never mind,” Remus stated.

“What?”

“No, it’s stupid.”

“Hah-ah-heh-Ratchoo! Whad’s stupit?” Sirius grabbed a tissue and blew his nose forcefully.

“What if we volunteered some time to the hostel. Those kids don’t get much interaction. Maybe that would work.”

Sirius beamed. “That’s a great idea, Rem. We could go once or twice a week.”

Remus nodded and snuggled into Sirius. He always did like it when a plan came together.

[Guest silverbirch]

This is beautiful! *SQEEEEEE*

[Guest]

This is beautiful! *SQEEEEEE*

I'm so glad you like it. It literally jumped in my head and demanded to be written.

Unicornpearlz

[Quite Contrary]

Awww.... I love S/R angst! They're my favorite! This was such a wonderful story.

" “Careful, you may get splattered with an orange before the duck flies at midnight,” Harry mumbled. " Wow.

Thank you so much for posting this, I loved it!

[Guest]

Alt Ending: This came to me recently. It starts after part 7 (so it's the new part 8).

Angsty, sneezy. Warnings: death of a character, mentions of sick-up. SAD.

Harry had hardly been asleep for an hour when he heard it. A scream unlike any other. A scream so long and bellowed it sounded like a wolf.

Harry recalled helping Sirius bring Remus to bed. As they tucked him in Remus told him that he was sorry he was always sick, and that he hoped Harry didn’t think less of him. He swore that he would defend Harry until his dying breath, which he apologized for being sooner rather than later.

Sirius was leaning against the wall, in order to give Harry and Remus some time. But, upon hearing the speech, he immediately choked up. Harry jumped when a sob escaped from Sirius.

Harry hadn’t wanted to go to bed. Remus kept talking about Lily and James and how they were sitting on the bed with him.

By that time, Sirius had given into tears and he didn’t even attempt to stop them. He kept muttering under his breath, and it took Harry nearly half an hour to realize that he was praying to James and Lily not to take Remus away from him.

Remus dozed in and out of consciousness, and finally Sirius instructed Harry to go to bed.

Reluctantly, he went; figuring that his uncles needed some time alone.

Now he found himself half asleep running to back to their bedroom. When he arrived, he saw Sirius roughly shaking Remus.

“You won’t do this to me Remus! You won’t!” he ordered.

Remus was so pale he was nearly translucent. “S’okay,” he whispered. “I’m not alone. And it doesn’t hurt to live anymore. The pain is…gone…”

“Remus, please no…” Sirius begged. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. His tirade the previous night screamed in his mind. How he pushed Remus away. How he blamed Remus for ruining his life. How he put Remus in a spot of unworthiness – not only making him feel unworthy of Sirius’ love, but that he was unworthy of the life they had together.

“Sirius, what?” Harry started.

Sirius turned around: his red, tear streaked face contorted in sorrow, guilt and fear. He motioned for Harry to come closer, but couldn’t seem to get the words out.

Finally, Harry understood. Remus was dying.

“Take care of him, eh?” Remus said to Harry. “The old man will need you to keep him young.”

Harry wanted to floo St. Mungo’s, but he didn’t want to leave Remus’ side. In an instant, he realized that Sirius probably felt the same way. He whistled for Hedwig, and put their coordinates with the issue on a piece of paper with instructions for her to fly as quickly as she could. He knew it wouldn’t be enough. He didn’t know what would be enough.

“Harry,” Remus whispered. “No one’s going to come for a dying werewolf.”

In an instant Harry understood that to the world that’s all Remus was. A werewolf. But, to him he was so much more. More than he could say in the little time they had left. And, he didn’t want to take any more time away from Sirius. Sirius needed this time more than he did.

“Remus, I’m so so sorry,” Sirius begged. “I didn’t mean to yell. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Remus, I love you. I’m so sorry for hurting you…” He sobbed harder and harder, as if he hoped that the more sorrow he felt, the more likely Remus would live.

Remus smiled lightly. “Sirius, you have made me happier than I knew I was allowed to be. I love you. I always have. I’m sorry I cost you your dreams. But, I am honored that you chose to mate with me anyway. You can be happy now. You can have what you wanted.”

The next sob choked Sirius and he started to cough. “Didn’t cost me my dreams. Made my dreams with me. I didn’t want a child before you. I don’t want one after you. I wanted one with you. Not in place of. With… Just take care of her, k?”

They both noticed that Remus had gone still. His eyes were staring wide into space, but his soul was no longer behind them.

“No,” Sirius gasped. “Please Remus, no…” He howled in despair. He howled at the moon. He screamed until he didn’t have anymore voice. Then he screamed some more.

Harry was too stunned to scream. His eyes were bright with tears, but he didn’t know how to cry them. He didn’t seem to know how to do anything.

***

“Perhaps he was ‘just a werewolf’ to others, but he was my mate, my friend, my brother. I loved him closer than any blood relative. He was my family when I didn’t have any. He was my strength when I was in Azkaban. He kept me safe from my enemies and from myself. He gave of himself freely and selflessly. And, I – and we all – will be lesser people without him in our lives.”

Harry snuffled tears while Sirius spoke. His speech was so eloquent, so befitting of Remus. Sirius showed very little emotion as he spoke, and Harry had to remind himself that Sirius was probably in shock. Not only that, but Sirius had done this before.

‘No more dreams…’ he thought to himself. He mentally berated himself for asking about the bad times. He was the one who had asked if they wanted to adopt. That was the question that had set Sirius off, that had caused Remus to run late. If he had just not come that weekend, Remus would still be alive.

‘No more…,’ he thought. In essence, although Sirius felt responsible for Remus’ death, Harry knew better. It was Harry who had started the chain of events. It was Harry who killed Remus.

Even though the service wasn’t over, Harry broke free from the crowd and went and hid behind the biggest tree in Looking Glass Cemetery. He gagged until his stomach was empty. He couldn’t stop the sick feeling.

So many people died for ‘the boy who lived’. His life wasn’t worth this. Suddenly, an idea struck him. At the stroke of 3AM, he would leave. Leave everyone. He couldn’t keep killing the people around him: his parents, Cedric, Remus. He couldn’t hurt Sirius anymore than he already had.

There was barely a dry eye at the funeral. Hogwarts professors and students showed up in massive amounts. Members of the Order, even those who had been in hiding showed. Healthcare professionals from St. Mungos were there. Even merchants from Diagon Alley were there. Friends gathered the closest to the casket, but the cemetery was full, and there was hardly a dry eye there. Remus had touched more lives than he ever guessed.

“It’s just weird,” the owner of the herb shop said to Minerva and Severus, “Remus left my shop at two. He said that he had a sick friend at home, and that he was concerned about coming down sick himself. I thought he was heading straight home. The apparition point was in the opposite direction from where he was found. I just don’t get it.” He paused, before adding, “It’s not that he ever told me that he was a werewolf, but I guessed. It makes no difference – he was a good person. One of the best I’d ever met in my lifetime.”

***

"Rachoo! Eagachoo!"

Harry stirred awake. It was nearly midnight, but he didn’t remember falling to sleep. Not to mention, something had woken him.

“Eg-EgHatchoo!”

‘Sirius’, he thought immediately.

He had decided to stay in Sirius’ house, since no one wanted to leave him alone, but he wouldn’t accept help or company from anyone except Harry.

Harry crept downstairs. “Sirius?” he asked.

“No,” Sirius stated flatly.

Harry understood that he didn’t want to be bothered. But, he had caught Harry’s cold, and he was grieving. Harry knew that he couldn’t be left alone.

Harry made him a cup of spearmint tea with honey.

“Thank you, Harry,” Sirius whispered, when he took the tea.

“Of course. I’m sorry you caught my cold.”

“Just a cold,” Sirius mumbled.

“And I’m sorry I caused the two of you to fight.”

Sirius’ dark eyes focused on him. “You didn’t cause a fight.”

“I did. I asked about dark times and lost dreams. I brought up bad memories. I know it doesn’t fix anything, but I am so sorry.”

Sirius dug his palms into his eyes and sniffed liquidly. “It’s not your fault, Harry. But, if I ever hear someone bragging about beating a werewolf supporter bloody, it won’t go well.”

Harry felt empty. He didn’t know what to do or say. He didn’t want to apologize again. But, he wanted Sirius’ pain to stop. And, he wanted Remus to be alive. But, neither was going to happen, and Harry didn’t have any control over that.

“Higasshtchoo!” The sneeze was wet and long. He sighed miserably afterwards.

“Come on, Sirius. You need to get to bed.” Harry knew how miserable this cold would make Sirius, and he wanted to make sure he was well cared for. He looked at the clock: 1AM. So much for leaving at three.

“I’m not sleeping up there.”

‘Of course,’ Harry thought. ‘Remus died in that bed.’ “Come on, my room is comfy. You’ll like it there.”

“Ratchesshoo!” He coughed lightly and nodded his head. Harry was right, of course. He needed rest. But, he doubted he would sleep. How could he? Remus was gone.

“Not your fault,” Harry whispered, as Sirius slept. “Not your fault.”

Harry thought about that weekend. He wished he had gone after Remus when he knew he was upset. He didn’t know what he would have said. Maybe he could have held Remus close and convinced him that he was Sirius’ and Remus’ child now. That they could convince Sirius of that easily.

Sirius had told Harry of the sleep aid Remus took that night. Maybe that slowed down Remus’ reflexes.

Not your fault,” he whispered again.

He had overheard the man from the herb shop, and wondered what other errands Remus was running. He wish he had pushed Sirius to find him sooner. But, it didn’t matter what he wished. Nothing was going to bring Remus back.

He heard an owl coo downstairs and he left Sirius’ side to check it.

“Oh my God,” Harry said, as he read the letter. “That’s where he was. That’s where the people who beat him up saw him coming from. Oh my God. That’s the ‘her’....” He recalled Remus’ last words, ‘Just take care of her, k?’ This was the her. How was he going to tell Sirius?

***

“Harry?” Sirius gasped when he awoke. But, Harry was nowhere to be found. It was still dark out. “Luminos,” he croaked. As the end of his wand lit, he winced at the brightness. He knew he was in Harry’s room, but … wait, did he smell smoke?

“Harry!” he exclaimed as he jumped out of bed. He’d lost James, Lily, and Remus, he would be damned if he would lose Harry as well.

He heard footsteps on the stairs and Harry burst through the door.

“Sirius, what is it?” Harry exclaimed.

He was holding a cigarette in one hand, Sirius noticed. “You smoke?” he asked.

Harry magically snuffed out the cigarette. “Not typically, but I am officially out of coping mechanisms.”

Sirius sniffed liquidly. “I feel ya.” He quickly turned his head. “Heptisshha!”

“Bless you. How’re you feeling?”

Sirius sighed in response.

“Stupid question. I meant your cold.”

“Still feel sick.” He coughed a few times as if he was accentuating his point.

“I figured,” Harry said, dryly. He sighed and started to pace the room.

“Harry, what is it?” Sirius had seen how Harry dealt with grief, and the excess energy was out of place.

“Nuthin’,” Harry mumbled.

Sirius sighed. “I know that’s not the truth, Harry.” His breath hitched and he tried to will away the sneeze, but it got the better of him and rushed out so hard that it made him dizzy.

“Sorry to worry you, Sirius. It’s just something that I need to deal with, and I don’t know how. I don’t want to bother you with it.” He moved over to the bed. “You need to rest. I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Harry, we are all we have now. I need to be there for you. Just as you have been there for me.”

Harry sighed. “Remus received a letter today… from the Werewolf Asylum that Remus grew up in. Apparently he went there as one of his errands, and signed the two of you up to mentor a little Scottish girl named Shannon.”

All of the air rushed out of Sirius. “That was the ‘her’…”

“Yea,” Harry replied. “Now what?”

“I can’t let Remus have died in vain. I’ll mentor her. But, I haven’t dealt with a child in so long. I’ll need your help. Heh…eh…keptschoo!”

Harry sighed. Sirius was right. It wasn’t the family he had anticipated, but it was the family they were dealt. “Okay. But, first, let’s get you well. We’ll take things from there.”

Sirius nodded. “Will you stay with me tonight? I’m feeling very lonely. I haven’t slept without someone since Azkaban…”

“Of course,” Harry said toeing off his shoes and climbing into bed. He held Sirius close for a moment, but it felt odd.

“I don’t need you to coddle me, Harry. That was Remus’ job. I just need you to be here.”

“That I can do,” Harry said closing his eyes and waiting to hear Sirius drift back to sleep.

[SomethingClever]

This is very beautiful... even though it ends sadly... It is all around wonderful...

[Nicole]

I'm glad you posted that alternate ending, otherwise I would've missed this story! Sad alternate ending. But it was beautifully written, as was the rest of the story. Those three are my favorites to read about. And I love the caretaking side of Sirius.

Awesome job, thanks so much for sharing!