roadside hazards

[Guest E.T.]

so i've been living for a few months in this communal-living situation, running a theater company and living in a house of actors, directors, etc. -- whose inhabitants included my boyfriend Jon. Over the course of the summer, eight people living in a space built for two, we got to know each other very well, and my fetish became a well-known source of delight and amusement for Jonny, who is a natural-born tease.

Jon sneezes three times every day, with near-mechanical consistency.

the project we were doing together ended a week and a half ago, and the group dissolved, people going their merry ways, but a Jon and I ended up driving up to Burlington VT to hang out with friends.

Yesterday I drove him back to the train station in Wassaic, NY, to get the train back to his home in NYC.

Driving down rte 7 in the godforsaken hole which is Shelburne, he let loose with a "Hooomp-chuhh!" which was distracting, of course, but just made me frown with disappointment that I'd missed it. I glanced over at him and saw him turning toward me. Glance at the road, glance at him in time to see his face squinch up and explode with another "Hoooomp-chuhh!" A light spray graced my arm, which was weird since he normally covers up. There's a mischevious look on his face before it crumples up into the pre-sneeze grimace and fragments again with a "Hoomp-CHUUHHH!!" My arm is soaked! Traffic be damned, I have no idea what is going on in the road in front of me. My jaw must have been hanging three inches below the rest of my face, because he just laughed and put his hand on my inner thigh.

I turned back to the road, since he never sneezes more than three times in a row, then glance over at him again, still stunned by this unexpected gift to me -- and he's got his hands up toward his face, his profile shrinking up slowly -- and his whole body jerks forward with the final "Hoomp-CHUUHH!!"

He laughs self-deprecatingly, and says, "Well, I didn't think I should sneeze on you for that fourth one..."

YIPES! who can drive in these circumstances? I pulled over to kiss him and told him he's a menace to other drivers.