Guest Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 (edited) Ok, so this is a random little drabble I dreamt up having been very taken with a recent Radio story called Falco: The Silver Pigs. It was about Marcus Didius Falco, a Roman private informer, or private investigator to us. I haven't read the books, so no doubt to anyone who has this is totally wrong history-wise, but never mind. I do intend to read the books, so I might have to change it later. Anyway, this is only the first part: I don't think it needs any explanation really - I will probably continue it, but I have no idea where it's going as yet...so here you are!Part 1I looked up from my book as I heard the door open downstairs and Lenia’s voice raised in greeting. I strained my ears to see if it was him, and indeed, there was his voice in response. I carefully adopted the position of a studious reader, but continued to listen, trying to catch any words of their conversation: not out of curiosity so much as just to hear his voice; his interactions with someone other than me. Marcus and I had only been “married” five weeks: as a plebeian he was a completely unsuitable match for me, the daughter of a senator, but that wasn’t going to stop either of us. It wasn’t as though my father had any say in it now that I was of age, and as long as we didn’t shout it from the rooftops, and I came home often enough for mother to check I was alright, he seemed quite happy about it all. As it was, we were still learning things about each other every day. I heard his voice rise a little in frustration, and Lenia’s in response, followed by silence, and a childish blush and grin rose on my face: not again. Lenia’s complete lack of embarrassment at getting all of her neighbours to piss into her bleaching buckets was still taking some getting used to. She must surely be the best laundress in Rome after all of our efforts.The voices started up again, and I heard his get louder as he approached the stairs, and buried my face in my book once more. Suddenly it stopped, as did the just audible footsteps, and I waited. I hadn’t realised that I had been holding my breath until I let it out in a start as he sneezed loudly, just on the other side of the door.“God bless you!” I heard Lenia yell from the floor below, and, while I was still struggling to regain my composure, he opened the door.“Hello, you,” I began, but got no further, because he was holding up a hand to me.“Just a- A’SHOOO!” Another loud and violent sneeze burst from him before he had even closed the door; he covered his face with a hand as his shoulders shook, then sniffed and shook his head vaguely; shutting the door as he stepped towards me. “Sorry,” he muttered, “must be the smoke – there was a house fire just a few streets over…” He reached me and we shared a kiss; leaning over me as I sat in one of the wicker chairs in the sitting room, his fingers ran across my shoulders.“I’ve missed yo-“ he began, before looking at me more carefully, “Hey, that’s my cloak!”I pulled it tighter around me, returning his look of feigned affront boldly. “I was cold.” He laughed and pulled a chair to seat himself near me. In the firelight he looked tired and pale. I got up to get us both a cup of wine, and handed it to him. “How was your day?” I asked coolly, sipping my own beverage and gazing into the fire.He took a deep draught, then coughed, only just catching himself before he spilt it. When he’d recovered, he replied briskly, “Alright. Got a job – watching some Senator to see who he’s cheating on his wife with.”“Which Senator?”“Publius Vinicius, why?”I thought back in my mind. Publius…surely I had met him at some point or another…finally I remembered the fat, unpleasant little man in the stained toga. Could have been any one of the senators at my father’s house, except for the way he eyed our maidservants…“You’re wasting your time,” I said as soon as I recalled him, “he visits brothels, not rich women.”Marcus was watching me more keenly now. “Quite the asset,” he remarked, smiling fondly. He reached across to stroke my cheek, but paused halfway. His eyes narrowed, and I saw his nose twitch, just once, the delicate skin around his nostrils flaring. He withdrew his hand, and waited with it poised in front of his face, as I heard his breath hitch, just once. “Ah’SHOO!” The sneeze threw his slim frame forward in his seat, and as he rubbed his nose, I heard him sniff. I prepared to offer salutations, but saw from his expression that he hadn’t finished. Still holding his hand in front of his face, his eyes slowly closed as his nostrils twitched and his breathing became erratic. A moment of stillness, before: “Ah’KSHOO!” This second sneeze was slightly wetter than the last, and he sniffed more audibly as he sat back into the chair. The look of distant desperation had gone, so I assumed it was safe to speak.“Bless you.” He ignored this, and continued our conversation.“Well, brothels or no brothels, I still have to investigate Publius. I suppose a good girl like you would have no idea which ones he might frequent?” His eyes sparkled dangerously as he watched me. I did not blush or drop my gaze.“I was living happily in Britain with my Aunt for almost a year before you met me, Falco, so how could I possibly know Publius Vinicius’ libidinous habits?” He was the one to blush to my delight, although probably more from the put-down of using his cognomen rather than Marcus. He sipped at his wine, and I noticed his free hand straying to rub his nose distractedly.* - * - * The next morning I woke as Marcus shut the door with a snap. He had started to make a habit of this: leaving early without waking me. Slowly, I stretched out in our marriage bed, considering the domesticity of my day. I had to go to the market and buy some bread and fish (it would be better if I got up soon because the early catch would be ready about now), and maybe some olives. I wasn’t used to doing this myself, but luckily I’d always enjoyed cooking, so there wasn’t too much difficulty about that. And I’d often attempted to cook for my previous husband, Pertinax , although he soon put a stop to that, preferring instead to see me in the latest dress.After dressing and getting ready, I wandered down to the fish market, considering my relationship with Falco. It wasn’t official, and it had no chance of becoming so until he made enough money to buy into a higher rank. And there was very little likelihood of that happening: 40,000 sesterces to buy into equestrian rank, which would be just about tolerable for my family to approve the match. But at our current rate, it would take about 400 years, without food or sleep, for Marcus to earn the sum. Not that I was unhappy with our current arrangement: I didn’t have any friends in Rome of patrician class, having lived in England so long, so no one laughed or criticised me. My mother had wept a bit, but it seemed more for show than out of real pathos, and my father didn’t mind a bit. Official mistress status was what I had, and official mistress status was quite alright by me. Even if it did involve buying stinking fish from the market twice a week.Fifteen minutes later, my pungent package under my arm, I slipped the key into the lock of our apartment in Fountain Court, and to my surprise found my lover waiting for me. I raised my eyebrows at him as I took the fish into the tiny kitchen.“Do I look pale to you?” he asked as I returned and sat down near him. Not quite the greeting I had been expecting.“Hello darling, it’s lovely to see you as well.”“Oh, yes, hello. Well? Do I look pale?”“Compared with whom? An African slave?”“Compared with what I usually look like,” he responded exasperatedly.“Oh,” I feigned surprise, and paused. “Turn your head to the balcony.” He did so. “Yes,” I decided at least, “but no paler than you looked yesterday.”“I looked pale yesterday?”“Yes. You look positively peaky today. Did you come back merely to ask about your skin colour?”That ended the distraction at last. “Oh Zeus, yes, sorry. It was about Publius again.”“Yes?”“He’s dead.”“Dead?” I wouldn’t have been surprised had my father told me: he was a heart attack waiting to happen. But news from Falco was rarely so innocent.“Yes, dead. Poison, it would appear. Body was found-“ Marcus broke off, rubbing at his nose. The desperate, teasing look was coming into his face again. He tried to explain, “Excu- heh! – going to – heh! Heyy’ISHOO!” The sneeze rocked him forward as he cupped both hands to his face. I waited this time, and predictably a beat later the next struck. “Hey’ISHHH!” Wetter than the night before, and more desperate. Also the first time I had heard him sneeze in several weeks. Marcus sniffed, and then pinched the bridge of his nose, an action I had only seen him perform when he had a headache.“Bless you.”“Don’t start that,” he muttered thickly, still sniffing. I was a little taken aback; it was only a polite gesture. He remembered himself and looked at me apologetically. “Sorry. It’s just I’ve had nothing but it all day: blessings left, right and centre. And this headache which I can’t shift.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose again.“Poor you, “ I said dispassionately, although inside I was all sympathy for my suffering lover. It didn’t do to show too much heart all at once I had found.“Anyway,” he continued after a moment, “The body was found in a local brothel, so you were right. Tongue’s black, so arsenic the best suspect. No idea who did it, but my client still wants me to investigate. Any enemies you can think of?”I shook my head. “It’s been a long time since I saw Publius. My father or uncle might know, though. I could ask next time I’m round.” Marcus nodded. I could see another sneeze approaching, although I wasn’t sure he’d noticed yet.“Good. If you could make that sooner…” he paused, “rather than…later-“ his voice went up an octave as he struggled to speak through the impending sneeze. Resignedly he brought his hands up again, “Hey’ISHOO! Heh…heh…Hah’SHOOO!!” The resounding second sneeze threw him violently forward, and he fished in his pocket for a handkerchief, blowing his nose loudly. Finally he sighed, rubbing his forehead with his free hand.“Well, here’s to my critics.” He announced, smiling sardonically at the ceiling. “Marcus Didius Falco: couldn’t so much as catch a cold.” Edited April 18, 2008 by kastrel Link to comment
count tiszula Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Excellent stuff! I've always loved the fact that the Romans were so obviously different from us that they went out to earn a penny rather than spend one in their efforts to supply the fulling industry. Lots of lovely sneezing too; I do hope that it will continue and the case of the tickly nose will turn out to be a vital clue... Link to comment
vignette Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Ooooh! Really like this - I do hope you continue it. I'd never heard of the series before but considering that I love historical fiction and detective novels, I'll have to chase it up! From what I remember of "The Romans" at Primary School and two years of Latin classes, the history seems pretty good too. The sneezing, of course, was wonderful and I love the sardonic self-pity. Thanks so much for sharing this! Link to comment
queenie Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I have no idea who these characters are, but this is lovely! Keep it up. Link to comment
Guest Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I make a habit of writing fics about characters hardly anyone on here has heard of, so I wouldn't worry. Part 2 is on its way - I'm sure there will be a plot eventually; there usually is some sort of one...no idea what it will be though...murder, intrigue and violence I have no doubt, as I've been reading far too much Claudius the God and playing the Bow Street Runner game too often, and it's leaked into my brain. Anyway, I shall continue to do my best with history requirements - I was even on wikipedia earlier trying to work out whether the 'surname' came first or second in Roman times...it comes in the middle, just to be helpful. So although Marcus is his first name, Didius is his surname and Falco is his nickname...so Vinicius Publius' first name is Publius, and he comes from the Vinicius family, and the first bit has been dropped for ease...I suppose...More information than anyone really needed, I feel. Link to comment
Lynne Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Darn. I saw "Falco" and thought somebody was resurrecting my favorite Austrian rock star! (just joking.... I'm always amazed when I run across someone else who has even HEARD of Falco). Link to comment
the texaskid Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Omigod, I can't believe you're writing a Falco story!!! I'm so excited! I really thought if I wanted one of those I'd have to write it myself. Vetinari, Falco-you can read my mind, right? That's it, isn't it? You're in my head!And I don't mind a bit. Your writing's so good, too. You're so good at capturing the right voice for the fandom-the Discworld fic was perfect Pratchett, as I believe I mentioned, and this is perfect Lindsay Davis-but you manage to get some really cool original touches in there too. I love the fact that it's from Helena's viewpoint, and it really sounds like her to me. Okay, I'll try to stop gibbering now, but golly gee, you're so cool! Link to comment
Guest Serenity Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 I'm enjoying this a great deal. Very entertaining indeed, and I like how patient his wife is with him. Lookng forward to more Roman wrongness! And Lynne, I thought of "Rock Me Amadeus" as soon as I saw the title myself, so you're not alone. Link to comment
Guest Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 (edited) Omigod, I can't believe you're writing a Falco story!!! I'm so excited! I really thought if I wanted one of those I'd have to write it myself. Vetinari, Falco-you can read my mind, right? That's it, isn't it? You're in my head!And I don't mind a bit. Your writing's so good, too. You're so good at capturing the right voice for the fandom-the Discworld fic was perfect Pratchett, as I believe I mentioned, and this is perfect Lindsay Davis-but you manage to get some really cool original touches in there too. I love the fact that it's from Helena's viewpoint, and it really sounds like her to me. Okay, I'll try to stop gibbering now, but golly gee, you're so cool! Wow thank you!! That's amazing feedback - I tend to think that I write most of my fanfics the same, which annoys me, so it's lovely to hear praise like that. And someone else who has heard of the Falco novels! Although that does make me paranoid - correct any non-canon mistakes that creep in please because I haven't actually read any of them.Thanks to everyone who's reading!!Part 2I woke up just before sunrise with a throat as dry as sandpaper, and twice as painful. Careful not to wake Helena, whose beautiful black hair lay shimmering in the twilight, rising and falling as she breathed deeply in slumber, I slipped into a toga and went to the kitchen to get a drink. Once I had it, I settled down in a chair on our little balcony to watch the sun rise over Rome. This was the only thing I truly liked about my apartment in Fountain Court: it was tiny, noisy, and worst of all, not mine, but the views of our great city were spectacular. I took a sip of water, wincing as it stung like strong spirits on my far too sensitive throat. This balcony had a history of pain for me, I realised, recalling the many other sleepless nights I had spent, usually after having been beaten up to the extent that just closing my eyes was painful. But sickness, that was a new thing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been ill, other than after a particularly good night out. Bruises, split lips, and headaches like shards of glass, I could just about deal with. Hell, I’d even managed a couple of broken bones in my time; and the couple of tortuous months spent in that mine in Britain had been the most arduous of my life. But this nagging cough, and a head so dazed and foggy it felt like someone had removed my brains and replaced them with throbbing sawdust, not to mention feeling baking hot one moment and freezing with cold the next; this was far more worrying. It wasn’t something I had any coping mechanisms for. Nevertheless, the view was relaxing, as usual, and although I was shivering a little, it was nice to watch the sun come up, casting its first few rays, glinting from the aqueduct...My mind drifted back to this new case, and I considered my plan of action. Helena could go and see her parents for lunch, and subtly probe them for information concerning Publius’ richer enemies, while I had better follow my own lines of information about his poorer ones. A trip to the brothel would be necessary, and I remembered suddenly that Petro had asked my ‘wife’ and I round for dinner. I’m sure I could persuade him to do the rounds with me. Arsenic required a degree of premeditation that was unusual in brothel deaths; usually it was a discreet stabbing, and the victim was not found in the house of ill repute, although all his valuables were curiously missing. This was evidently something different.Still absent-mindedly watching the city awaken, the sunlight, reflecting from the water in the aqueduct, for a moment caught my eye, drilling straight into the centre of my headache. I winced, and was suddenly overcome by an urgent need to sneeze. That was another thing simply unheard of for me: I never sneeze in company. Far too undignified and uncontrolled. Quickly pulling out a handkerchief, I raised it to my face, just in time for the sneeze to vanish. Sniffing as best I could, I rubbed at my unruly nose, which still prickled and itched annoyingly. The sneeze would neither emerge, nor recede completely, and I was forced to glance at the sunlight more directly. Immediately, this had its effect, and I crushed the cloth to my face to muffle the noise, not wanting to wake Helena.“H’MPSHH’ooo!” I paused, waiting for the inevitable, “H’MPFFF!!” My aggressive stifling method did nothing to improve my headache, and I sat in some discomfort for the next few minutes, sniffing frequently and trying to clear my head a little.There was a quiet noise behind me, followed by a gentle pressure on my shoulder, and then she was there. Still wearing my cloak, as I noted vaguely, Helena crossed to the balcony, and leant out. It occurred to me with an intensity I hadn’t felt for a while that she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen; barefoot and wearing a light shift, her glossy black hair catching the sunlight, creamy skin exposed to its warmth. I got up to stand with her, slipping an arm protectively around her waist. She put her head on my shoulder, and I breathed deeply, smelling her soft, sleepy scent. This lasted all of about ten seconds, before I shivered, and she straightened up, an exasperated look in her eyes. “Honestly, if you don’t have the sense to take care of yourself,” she remarked, pulling off the cloak and handing it to me, “it’s no wonder you’re ill.” I pulled it on under her reproving gaze, before looking at the view once more: the lazy golden sunlight pouring through the streets and back alleys like treacle, ready for another glorious September day.“What are you planning to do about this murder then?” Helena asked, after we had stood watching the stillness for a while. I tried to arrange my thoughts into order. It had been a nice change to have someone to discuss my plans with; Petro was fine, but he was more there for the action than the deep thought.“I’m going to visit the brothel where Publius died, see what I can find out. Maybe one of the girls saw someone hanging around. Petro’s invited us round for dinner tonight, so I’ll speak to him about talking to some friends who might know about it.”Helena nodded, “Do you want me to ask my family about him?”“If you don’t mind. You could go round for lunch.”“Fine.”And that was settled. Helena turned away from the balcony to go back inside, but I lingered a moment or two longer, as the city around my little apartment began to wake up: my city, of intrigue and idols, government and Gods, crime and coercion. Absolutely my kind of place. As I walked back into the bedroom to find my sandals, Helena was putting on perfume. I had bought it for her myself, in earnest of all the things I would buy her if I had the money, but today it just added one further irritation to my cold-stricken sinuses. I quickly turned away from her and pressed my crumpled handkerchief to my face, as the sneeze teetered on the edge of coming, and then threw me forcefully forward “Heh…Heyy’ISSHHH! Hah’ISHHHOO!!” Sniffing, I pinched the bridge of my nose, before swallowing and pocketing my handkerchief once more. There was no doubt that I’d be needing it today.“Bless you,” Helena said dispassionately, though her eyes were sympathetic. Her conflicting signals were still mostly a mystery to me. I remembered how, during that hellish time pretending to be a slave in Britain, she had driven like Apollo himself to get me to the sanitorium, and she had stayed there all through those pain-filled weeks. But I couldn’t recall a single sympathetic or comforting word she’d spoken during the time. I shook my head; trying to fathom Helena Justina’s emotional traits was something I had difficult doing with a clear head – there was little point trying to do so now. Strapping on my sandals at last, I checked myself, kissed Helena on the cheek, and left for the brothel. Edited April 18, 2008 by kastrel Link to comment
count tiszula Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Better and better! I love the photic ness and use of perfume and stuff to produce the lovely sneezes. The mystery is coming on nicely.And since you mention it, you can usually identify the nomina, the middle or family names, by their ending in -ius; but publius and I believe tiberius are exceptions that prove the rule . So indeed it should be Publius Vinicius. Gladiator is much the same. I won't go on. I haven't read the books, but there is a film called "The age of Treason" which the author apparently disowned; I don't know why; it's a terrific romp with lots of excellent plotting by the Flavian emperors. It is criticised because Falco is played by an Australian, and everyone knows Romans haven't got Australian accents. Helena is played I believe by the lovely Amanda Pays..... Link to comment
Guest Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Thanks for the feedback! First post duly edited to swap names around. I knew Publius wasn't a 'surname', but I couldn't work out whether it would count as a given name (like Marcus, Tiberius, Septimus etc) or a nickname (like Brutus or Verus)...looks like a given name, so should come first strictly. It all just confused me because everyone calls Falco Falco, but this is a nickname, like his brother Festus, because they both have the given name Marcus, I believe. And nicknames are for everyone to use, not just for friends, whereas given names are a bit more personal, so maybe only Helena and Petro get to use that. I'm guessing because you'd have to be a good friend for people to know who you're referring to, as a twelfth of the male population was called Marcus!I'm sure no one actually wanted to know that, but it fascinates me, and obviously I want to know what Helena should call Falco and others. Glad you're enjoying it. Link to comment
queenie Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Still don't know who they are.... (I see from comments you wrote Discworld, and I know that one... at least...) but it's lovely. I feel like I know them. Of course, I don't know how dead on you are when it comes to the canon, but that kind of consistency usually means the author really knows what she's doing. I'm thrilled and honored, keep writing. Link to comment
the texaskid Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 And the fabness continues! Considering you haven't read the books, it's amazing how canon-y this fic is. I don't know if you know, the books are all from Falco's POV and you've got his voice just right too, I don't know how you do this! If you get the chance you should give the books a try, by the way, I think you'd like them.In the mean time, keep up the good so-good-my-face-hurts-from-grinning-like-a-spazz work! Link to comment
count tiszula Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Well, since you are so interested, it seems foolish not to pursue the subject.By the period in question, most Romans had the three names. praenomen [forename]. nomen [name ie chief name, probably best thought of as clan name] and cognomen [surname, in effect].Praenomina would only have been used in the immediate family, or in the third person to distinguish say two brothers [eg Lucius Tarquinius, Sextus Tarquinius]. The nomen was the normal mode of address, so possibly if you met Falco in the street you called him "Didi". BUT he seems to call himself Falco, which is his surname or by now hereditary family name. So he is perhaps a bit like Gaius Julius Caesar, who refers to himself as Caesar in the Commentaries. So perhaps calling to him you would say Caesar instead of "Juli". This was common with the larger gentes [clans]. It is the same as usual modes of address in non-tribal societies ; a bit like Scotland. If you meet Donald Cameron of Lochiel, you address him as Lochiel.Of course, it then became necessary to have four, [or more] names . P.Cornelius Scipio Africanus.Tiberius Claudius Nero Drusus Caesar Britannicus. Doesn't Claudius put his full name at the beginning of I Clavdivs? Link to comment
Guest Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Part 3 is being worked on in my head at the moment - suddenly occurred to me that I need a plot to this mystery - but I know what's going in it so don't worry, I'll get there.Continuing the extended name discussion: In Clavdivs he called himself Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus, because he didn't become Emperor until after the end of the book, so he wasn't Caesar, and he hadn't invaded Britain so he wasn't Britannicus...he did mention his full name in Claudius the God, though.I'm not sure that the cognomen was always a surname in the sense we now understand one - it could be, if it was based on another nomen, like Vinicianus, which was like coming from the Vinicius family, or it could distinguish different branches of a large family - so all cousins could have the same cognomen. But I think with Falco it was still more a personal name - because there were no other members of his family called Falco. I'm pretty sure that Helena's father and uncle used their cognomen as another family name, as you describe (Decimus Camillus Verus and Publius Camillus Meto), because they were always referred to as Publius and Decimus, but Gaius Julius Caesar's cognomen was for him still a nickname (it meant hairy), although it later became a family name because all his descendents used it. Similarly, Falco's brother is known as Festus, which is his cognomen, so I think that's also being used as a nickname.Anyway, I think I've got it sorted now. Back to deciding who committed murder most foul... Link to comment
Vetinari Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Well I have nothing to add to the scholarly discussion but I do love your writing as ever Kastrel and this one is wonderful.I look forward to finding out whodunnit! Link to comment
Guest Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 **ATTENTION**We have a plot! *gasps of appreciation and awe* I've actually written something with a plot...it's been a while.Currently it is only a plot outline, but it occurred to me that if I'm doing this in stages I should plan it out first, otherwise I'll regret what I wrote earlier. So yes, I've no idea how good it'll be - considering I've never written a mystery in my life - no doubt you'll all work it out after about 10 seconds of reading...but oh well.Now I might just be able to write part 3 properly... Link to comment
the texaskid Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I can't wait! And in my opinion, even if you can guess where the plot's going or who the criminal mastermind is, that doesn't spoil a mystery if it's well-written, which this one promises to be. I'm very excited!Just adding my nickel's worth to the name conversation-your cognomen was basically the name you were known by-that's what it means, cog-from cogito, I know, and -nomen, name. So Falco is Falco's cognomen, the name most people use, his everyday name. Marcus is his praenomen, which is what his close family & friends would call him. There were only about a dozen praenomena, which is why everyone needed a cognomen as well, because otherwise no-one would know which one of about three million Marcuses or Juliuses or Gaiuses you were talking about. Didius is the nomen, which, yeah, is basically your family name. You know Cicero? That was his cognomen, the name we always call him, and it means chickpea. I find that amusing.Forgive me, I'm a classicist. We're like physicists, nerds by definition. Link to comment
count tiszula Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Yet another string to your bow, tex; how multifarious. However, what we now call Cicero's De officiis was for centuries known as "Tully's Offices"; and we take it that he would have been called "Tulli" to his face, the Tullian gens having few other well-known branches [and he was a novus homo].Rushing back to the topic, we are all on tenterhooks, Kastrel; I am a great worshipper at the shrine of St Robert of Graves, indeed I have been intending to write a Gravesian sneezefic for years... and this whole names thing is such fun. Of course Graves, as a top nutter-book writer, had to go with the "hairy fifth" line for the Caesar etymology; but, after a session with google, I am going with an even more nuttery interpretation, namely that it is a colour-word; like a blue-grey; cf caesius. I will not expand on my reasons.....for now..... Link to comment
the texaskid Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Yet another string to your bow, tex; how multifarious. However, what we now call Cicero's De officiis was for centuries known as "Tully's Offices"; and we take it that he would have been called "Tulli" to his face, the Tullian gens having few other well-known branchesOkay, now that's interesting. Something they didn't tell me during the long and laborious process of trying to translate the old bugger's record-breakingly long and convoluted clauses! Link to comment
chui Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 *ahem* guys...lets make sure not to scare the author with excessive analysis. that being said....wow kastrel.... just wonderful! Link to comment
Guest Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Hurrah! Part 3 is upon us. Thank you for all the AMAZINGLY wonderful feedback - and I don't mind a bit about the intellectual discussion, it's all Greek to me I'd love to be doing Classics, but I think maybe the novelty would wear off - I'm going to be doing Philosophy though, so there'll be a fair bit of old dead writers...Robert Graves is truly great. I wouldn't know anything about the Romans without him, really.Anyway, continuing - there's not much sneezing in this one, I'm afraid, but I felt it didn't work terribly well in the first bit, so it's only in the second bit. Anyway here you go...It is time, I suppose, to recount how I managed to get myself involved in this mystery. The truth is, that although I was originally employed by Marcia Octavia, the new widow, this was strictly to investigate whether or not her husband was having an affair. I thought back to my hiring as I followed the trail of warm and steamy back alleys towards the ‘Litte House’, avoiding the many women who were determined to throw a bucket of unmentionable stuff onto my head. Marcia had been a most unusual client: seeing me only once, paying in advance, and being in tears for the majority of our interview. This had seemed very strange to me at the time: the wives who hire me are generally angry and suspicious; those who merely cry generally don’t want to know at all. But she had hired me, and only a day later we had both got our answer. I had swiftly received a note informing me that my services were no longer required, for evident reasons.And in hot pursuit came another letter, informing me that I was to investigate Publius Vinicius’ death, and I was to be paid a handsome sum by one Tertius Vinicius, brother of Publius. It seemed that despite the widow’s own lack of curiosity, other members of the Vinicius family were showing enough interest to pay for my services.I arrived at the ‘Little House’, as it was best known, as it was just getting busy. Brothels in Rome are licensed and perfectly legal, and this one was well-known to me. One of the girls, Julia, her brown hair hanging in curls around her intelligent face, called out to me as she saw me approaching.“Falco! Had a sudden windfall, have we?” Most of the girls knew me from various investigations, but Julia knew me from my more affluent and lonely moments. They had to be affluent: the Little House was one of the more upmarket houses of sin around. I shook my head, as she let me in.“Not this time, Julia. Here on official unofficial business.” She rolled her eyes. She was one of the few girls who gave me information, and she didn’t like doing it too often. The more guilty husbands I exposed, the less custom there was for her and her sisters. I cut her off before she could complain, “not the usual this time. Publius Vinicius – he was murdered, you know.” I watched as her face closed visibly.“You’ll have to talk to the boss,” was all she’d say, and she led me to the inside office.Camilla was not pleased to see me, but I’d expected that. We never saw each other if we could help it. A few years back, when I’d first had to question someone from the Little House, I’d foolishly gone to her, and been turned away out of ‘client confidentiality’. After some time, she’d consented to my talking to the girls, but it had cost me several black eyes over the years when she felt I was getting too zealous in my enquiries, and costing her money. But this was a murder, and slightly different, so I felt on marginally safer ground. Quicksand rather than a British quagmire, perhaps.“Marcus Didius Falco, what an unwelcome surprise.” Camilla was tall, with strong features and an intimidating way of staring at you. I heard the door shut behind me, and wished that I hadn’t.“Camilla.” I responded curtly. “I’ve come about Publius Vinicius. He’s been murdered, but you already know that. It happened here, after all.”She gave me a totally blank stare. “Who are you working for?”“Oh, come on, Camilla, you know me better than that. All I want is to talk to some of the girls who were around last night, who saw him, so that I can see if anyone noticed anything.” My throat was aching after my half of the conversation, but I resisted the urge to cough.“Why should I help you, Falco? What’s in it for me?”I sighed. This was one of those situations when having some money could really have helped me in my line of work. I improvised.“A man’s dead, in your house, murdered. If it goes unexplained, people will start wondering why. Could be an inside job…maybe someone’s taking payment to keep quiet, maybe to do the deed itself. Bad publicity, Camilla.”“Is that a threat, Falco?”An unexpected response. I really didn’t want it to be a threat, but backing out from it now would be even worse. “It doesn’t need me to make that happen, Camilla, it’ll happen anyway.”“Because my threat still stands, as you know.” I certainly did know. Her threat was that if she thought I was picking on the Little House for clients, then various people with various sharp objects would find me. It was an effective threat, but unfortunately I was under similar ones from every other house of ill repute in the city, so I couldn’t easily win.“I know, I know, but you won’t be losing any clients. Vinicius is already dead, and I don’t care about anyone else. Just a chat, Camilla.”She stared at me for a long moment. Finally she nodded. “Go on then, get out of my office. Julia’ll fill you in. You like talking to Julia.” The door was shutting behind me before she’d finished the last word, and I was surprised to find Julia waiting for me. Apparently our ‘private’ conversation had been overheard.“Well?” I asked her, as she fiddled with an earring she was threading through her ear.“Alright, come upstairs and I’ll tell you.” I followed her into a familiar room, draped with tapestries and silk. In the sunlight it looked a little less exotic and exciting, a little more seedy. I sat on the bed, and she sat in a chair facing me.“What do you want to know?”I marshalled my thoughts: no mean feat considering I was still having to sniff every ten seconds, and my headache had not improved. When I had some semblance of order, I began.“Was Publius a regular client of the Little House?”Her eyes narrowed. “Pretty regular: once or twice a month. He had enough money for it.” So someone could have known to find him there.“Who did he sleep with?”“Me.”“Always?”“Yes.” This was a useful development: if he spoke to Julia about his circumstances I had a better chance of finding things out.“Did he like to talk to you about his life, did he…confide things in you?”I saw Julia’s face take on that closed look again, before becoming aware that my own was changing expression without my consent. I retrieved my handkerchief just in time.“Haah’SHOOO!!” I sniffed, holding the cloth a few inches from my face, waiting with my eyes closed. I was well aware of the idiot I must look. After several ages, the sneeze erupted, “Heah’TCHOOO!!” The harshness of it wrenched at my sore throat, and I coughed a little, trying to regain my composure.“Bless you,” Julia said, more warmly than my wife had uttered the sentiment. “Are you alright, Falco?”I nodded briskly, returning my handkerchief to my pocket, and swallowing, trying to hide my embarrassment. “Did Publius tell you about any enemies, Julia?”Julia lowered her eyes. “No, no…enemies. He talked about his wife, mostly. He wasn’t happy that she was spending so much time with the brother…”My ears pricked up – what could Tertius have to do with it? He had hired me. “Tertius?” I pressed her.“No, that wasn’t his name. Vitrius – her brother. Always hanging around the house, apparently. Publius thought he was ingratiating himself to get money – he’s very ambitious. But Publius never said anything to him: Marcia dotes on her brother, so he can’t have been an…enemy.” Julia’s voice trailed off, and I looked at her to see her eyes full of tears. This wasn’t what I’d been expecting. I decided to move on: Vitrius must be Marcia’s brother, and certainly seemed worth investigating some other time.“One last thing: did you notice anything odd about the last night you spent with him? Was he distracted, or did you see anyone hanging around, or talking to him?”Julia’s eyes unfocused as she considered, but after a moment she shook her head. “No, he was fine, enjoying himself, eating and drinking like normal with the other girls. I didn’t see anyone. Everything was perfect until the poison-“ she broke off again, and it struck me what a horrible thing it must have been to see a lover die of arsenic poisoning.“Alright, thanks. I think that’s all for now. I’ll see you again soon, Julia.” I stood up, and Julia went to open the door for me. She seemed quite herself again.“Oh, I don’t think you will, not for a while Falco, if what I hear’s true,” she answered, smiling flirtatiously, “you’ve got yourself quite the little mistress: well above your station. Do you really enjoy breaking the rules that much?”I didn’t react, partly because I was attempting not to sneeze, rubbing under my nose with my first two fingers, but also because I couldn’t think of anything to say. I had had no idea that mine and Helena’s involvement was so obvious. I muttered a goodbye to Julia, and walked back to the entrance, still trying to hold back the impending sneeze until I was out of the building. But as I reached the doorway I had no choice, and quickly ducked out before a pretty blonde girl carrying some bags, dragging out my handkerchief to sneeze into.“Heh-Hah’SHOO!” The sneeze bent me double, but as I straightened before the next, through bleary eyes I saw the blonde girl walking briskly down the street, laden down with bags. Not for long, though, before, “Hah’ISSHOOO!” I sneezed for a second time, as always. Pausing to blow my nose, which had almost no effect at all, I pondered for a moment where the flaxen-haired girl was going: yellow hair was unusual in Rome, barring the Teutonic slaves from the north, and it compelled me for a moment. But I put it out of my mind, and considered instead my next move. A trip to the widow’s was probably overdue. Even a private informer must pay his condolences. Link to comment
Vetinari Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Arsenic?? The snot thickens! Link to comment
count tiszula Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 (edited) Terrific! Ah, the mysterious blonde. Non Angli, sed angeli, perhaps. How odd that no one will know what this means.Happy Birthday, by the way. And now you can give us more detail on the Little House... Edited April 25, 2008 by count de tisza Link to comment
the texaskid Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 *ahem* guys...lets make sure not to scare the author with excessive analysis. I would hate to scare the author! As an ex-classicist now acting as a pharmacy dispenser I have few outlets for my nerditude, so it builds up and occasionally erupts, that's all. Happy birthday, Kastrel, by the way...why are you giving us presents?This is looking better and better-I love a fetish fic with a plot, and it's shaping up to be a great one. Link to comment
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