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The Office (newer episodes...)


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This is from the newer episodes with the Michael Scott Paper Company. It's going to be in the same format, but I'm going to try to add some stage direction-type things. Just to make it more interesting. :laugh: They'll be in parentheses, talking-directly-to-camera-documentary stuff is in italics, regular dialog is...nothing.


(Opens with Pam sitting at her desk in the small room. Michael and Ryan are doing work at their desks, not paying much attention to her. She looks up at the camera and holds up one finger.)


Ryan: Bless you!

Michael: Bless-DAMMIT, Ryan! God!

(Pam looks at the camera and shakes her head.)

Pam: Spring has sprung in Scranton. Which means so have my allergies! Michael and Ryan have taken it upon themselves to create a game out of it. Since we've got nothing better to do...

Michael: What are the rules? Well there- there aren't really rules, per se. Pam sneezes, whomever says 'bless you' to her first, wins the round. The winner for the day receives one half of a vacation day! I am the reigning champ.

Pam: Wait...how do I ever win?


Michael: Okay. To-dayyy. We are going to be going on a sales call, together. I will demonstrate to you how I want things to run, and then we will go our separate ways and meet back.

Ryan: Where are we going?

Michael: Weeee. Well, Ryan. We are going to another paper supplier's offices. They are close by and I think we have some real leads-

Pam: Michael. Are you talking about Dunder Mifflin?

Michael: Hmm, no. Yes. Yes, I am. But come on, guys! We can make it work. And if not, Pam will just date a couple of them. OH! She already did that.

(Pam's mouth is open and her breathing quickens.)

Michael: Bless you! AHA! Premeditated.

Pam: HUH-tchoo. TSHCHEEW.

Ryan: BLESS YOU. You didn't say it twice, Michael. I get the second one.

Michael: No, Ryan. It applies to the entire set.

Ryan: That doesn't make any sense. They were two completely different sneezes.

Michael: Yes, but they were one in the same. Pam, call winner.

(She looks at the camera for a second, looks at Michael, then at Ryan.)

Pam: Uhm, I don't...hehhhchTCHHHOOO. Ouch. That one hurt.

Michael: That's what she said.

(Pam rolls her eyes at the camera, gets up and walks out the door.)


Pam: I go up to Dunder Mifflin a lot more than Michael even realizes. It's nothing against him, I just...I like everyone a lot better there.

(Pam walks in the door over to Jim, who is sitting with his back to her. She sneaks up behind him to hug him.)

Jim: Hey! How'd you come up here?

Pam: I just walked out. Honestly...I don't think we're ever going to have a client.

Jim: Naw, don't say that. I'm sure you'll be fine. Michael's grandmother is a big investor.

Pam: We already tried her. She rejected.

Jim: Hm. Ouch. Anyway, what else is-- are you okay?

(Pam's eyes are fluttering and her mouth open.)

Pam: Haha, yeah, I just haa-haah (she turns her body away from him with her face buried in her elbow) HAAHCHtchooo! 'Scuse me.

Erin: Bless you! Are you alright?

(Pam looks around at the unfamiliarity of a chipper voice in that office. She sees Erin, the new secretary.)

Jim (whispering): She's new.

Pam (to him): Got it. (to Erin) Thank you. I'm fine, I just have really bad allergies.

Erin: Ugh, that has to be really terrible. Especially with all the flowers here!

Pam (she's humoring her now): Yeah, yeah. It's pretty rough, but I'm okay.

Jim (glances at the camera with mischief in his eye): Sometimes, when she really gets going, she can sneeze up to like, 30 times in a row.

Erin: What!! That's crazy! I bet that takes a lot out of you!

Pam (looks at Jim, now realizing that he's trying to start something): Oh, yeah. I can hardly walk after that. In fact...I think I might have to sneeze right now. Excuse me a min--

(She starts to breathe very heavily, clearly exaggerating to put on a show for Erin.)


Pam: It's fun to screw with the new ones. While they're still trusting.

Erin: Bless you!!

Pam: Ughh. Thank you. I guess it's just not that bad today. (She looks to Jim.) How many was that?

Jim: Only four. I think you'll be good for now, thank goodness.

Pam: I hope you're right. (They both giggle a little and then go back to talking amongst themselves.) So, what are you up to today? Busy?

Jim: No, not too bad. I'm not doing more than I would do any other day.

Pam: (She giggles.) Right. Hold on- HEH-khnngxxshhhh. Uhhh. Sorry.

Erin: Bless you!

Pam: (looks at Jim, rolling her eyes.) Thanks, Erin.

Jim (with a loving smirk): You're so cute when you do that.

Pam: (Giggling.) Do what? Sneeze? I'm disgusting when I sneeze...

Jim: I agree with you on that one. (She playfully hits him.) No, but seriously. When you try to stop them from coming out. Like we won't be able to tell that you just sneezed? It's awkwardly adorable.

Pam: Well. Thank you, Jim. (She leans in and kisses him.) I've got to go. I'll probably be back up soon.

Jim: Okay. Love you.

(Pam starts to walk towards the door, stopping when she's almost at the handle.)

Pam: HEHHH-TCHOOEWW! (Pam, still looking like she's going to sneeze, looks at the camera, smiling slightly.) Hehhh-HEHtshkkgnxxx. (She looks back at Jim.)

Erin: Bless you!

Pam: Thank you, Erin. See you around.

(Jim is shown looking at the camera, then looks after Pam, smiling widely.)

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Too funny! And some brilliant ideas as well as enhanced sneeziness from the lovely Pam. I wonder how long it will be before the new episodes make it across the Atlantic.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Cute! And exactly like the office, especially with Michael and Ryan making up that game, so funny!

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I. Love. This. :D I hope you wouldn't mind if I stole borrowed this method of writing Office fics from you...

I should also start watching The Office. ;)

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I don't often read this sort of fan-fiction, but I wanted to say how good this is! :)

You really captured the feel of The Office- you can actually imagine them having this conversation about sneezing. Nice work. :dribble:

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Sunsprite310

This is awesome! I've become recently obsessed with The Office and this was so true to the show, I love it, especially the Jim/Pam interaction. And the dialogue was just so perfect! I loved when Jim called Pam's stifled sneezes "awkwardly adorable." I don't know if you were planning to continue but I hope you do!

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  • 3 years later...

oh my god! that was so awesome! :D

there needs to be more office fanfiction around here!

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  • 2 months later...

HAHAHA what a cute idea!! I can totally see Michael and Ryan doing that. :D And aww, poor Pam... "Wait, how do I win?" You can always bless yourself. ^_^

I love them arguing over the rules, whether or not one "bless you" applies to the entire "set" or just the one. Michael's dialogue is so spot-on.

Loooove love love the Jim/Pam interaction. :wub: So freaking cute.

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