Forum Moderation and Regulation Poll

[Kiwifruit]

@Bubbles - sorry, I was in a bit of a mood (no excuse, I know, but there you have it) when I read your post and I misread the tone completely I feel stupid now >.< My apologies.

@everyone discussing underaged members - this is gonna sound really bad, but if I had found that only over 18s were allowed to join when I first discovered this board, I probably would have created an account anyway and just not given my age, or if you had to, lied. I wouldn't now, I'd just wait out the last few months, but three years looks like a very long time when you've still got it ahead of you, especially when you're so eager to get through it. Most people here seem to have had an "OMG I'm not the only one! There are others out there who like sneezing!" revelation when you joined; now imagine finding out you have to wait three years to join in with that. All that excitement, but you're not allowed to create an account and start getting to know people and talking about it. I don't see how banning underage members would help much; there's no way of proving people's ages, a false account is just a click away and a lot of people here haven't got their age in their profile to begin with. I know you want all your adult stuff, but there is a place with that and it doesn't take much effort to get access.

...there are those who joined when they were under 18 (Prodigy, for example) who are now adults, who if we had denied them access when they first tried to join, probably would have never come back.

If the forum was adults only, most internet-active sneeze fetishists would still be drawn to it. The pull would be very strong, and I think people would understand the policy when they reached the right age. In any case- what Prodigy would or wouldn't have done is not relevant.

We are a rare breed, and the chances of an U-18 finding another fetishist they could talk to without the help of a community such as this is pretty slim. The alternative, if they choose to talk rather than just stay silent, is that they talk to their friends/parents about it and are potentially met with revulsion and rejection. That's going to have a terrible effect on them and we want to avoid that if at all possible.

You know as well as I do that most of us pre-internet generations grew up telling no-one about our fetishes... I certainly didn't feel such awful pressure that I had to tell my parents, and it didn't have a 'terrible effect on me'. This argument does not make sense.

Don't these kind of contradict? In the first point, you're saying what one member, Prodigy, would or would not have done is irrelevant. Then in the second, you're saying that the argument doesn't make sense because one member, you, didn't experience any terrible effects. Both circumstances can be applied to other members, not just the one; so why isn't it also irrelevant what you experienced as well as Prodigy, or vice versa? People are different. From reading some other people's posts on here, it seems to me like some fetishists have found it traumatic feeling different and not having anyone to talk to about the fetish and have found it a huge relief finding that there are others and being able to talk about it.

Edited August 3, 2010 by Kiwifruit

[Heathcliff]

Don't these kind of contradict? In the first point, you're saying what one member, Prodigy, would or would not have done is irrelevant. Then in the second, you're saying that the argument doesn't make sense because one member, you, didn't experience any terrible effects. Both circumstances can be applied to other members, not just the one; so why isn't it also irrelevant what you experienced as well as Prodigy, or vice versa? People are different. From reading some other people's posts on here, it seems to me like some fetishists have found it traumatic feeling different and not having anyone to talk to about the fetish and have found it a huge relief finding that there are others and being able to talk about it.

No, I don't think these points contradict each other...

You can pick a specific person (like Prodigy) who joined while under 18, and became a very valuable member of the forum. Even if this person were to say "If I had not been allowed to join when under 18 I wouldn't have become involved in the forum", that isn't a watertight argument for allowing underage members. It is possible that there is a 12-year-old who might become an amazing member of the forum; but we don't say "We must allow 12-year-old members in order to make sure we don't offend him."

Secondly; I said that I didn't experience terrible effects from growing up without an internet forum. What I really meant was: it's not just me, I think this is true of almost everybody from pre-internet generations. Certainly as I understand it from reading posts and chatting, we did not go insane, or confess to our parents, because we had no fetish outlet.

I'm simply saying that the forum is not a public service, that people have an unassailable right to. As the moderators have rightly said, it is not a democracy. There is no reason it must be there for under-18 sneeze fetishists, to save them from psychological trauma... and if you really believe that, shouldn't it be there for under 13 kids as well?

[High on Lullabies]

Thank you so much for the excellently detailed explanation! I actually think that incorporating the adult boards as subsections of the main boards, but maintaining the restrictions, is an excellent idea HoL. It is rather like Starpollen's quite splendid two room analogy, I would also suggest if you are going down the path of having adult sections in "Obs, Stories and Artwork" to also have an adult section in "General Discussion" and possibly "Related Fetishes" too, given that some members obviously (and justifiably) do feel uncomfortable discussing some personal experiences surrounding the fetish on open boards given the recent demographic shift within the community. Of course this may well be a large amount of work, in which case simply making the adult boards more prominent is a good compromise.

Thanks for your comments, Dom I wasn't necessarily planning on 18+ areas in General Discussion and RF as well. Partially because I feel it would rather eliminate the need for the Adult Board itself (though it could be used for off-topic 18+ issues still). Anyway, I'll certainly put it to the Staff as an option.

If the forum was adults only, most internet-active sneeze fetishists would still be drawn to it. The pull would be very strong, and I think people would understand the policy when they reached the right age. In any case- what Prodigy would or wouldn't have done is not relevant.

Thank you for your reply Heathcliff, but I have to respectfully disagree. I think it's very relevant. In any case, she is only one example, I could give plenty more. I think whether U-18 members would understand the policy or not is irrelevant, surely it's whether they would respect it or not which counts. And kiwifuit's comment:

This is gonna sound really bad, but if I had found that only over 18s were allowed to join when I first discovered this board, I probably would have created an account anyway and just not given my age, or if you had to, lied.

surely proves that a number of them would not respect it. As I said in my previous post we'd much rather have our U-18 members being truthful about their age so we know who they are, and can help protect them from any sharks, etc.

Our rules need to be enforceable and realistic. If the U-18s who visit us are not going to respect a minimum entry age of 18, then there's no point having one. Given the highly limited tools we have for determining ages, we need people to be honest with us. I don't feel that raising the age limit to 18 would help in that regard.

I can say personally that I would be very grateful if this could happen. As I stated earlier, I have every respect for the policies and the reasons behind them, but as an author I have felt some discouragement from writing and posting my 18+ material because there is so little traffic in the Adult board. Obviously it's not because we don't have 18+ members (as you said, only 10% of our members are U-18 so 90% of us could be reading if we chose... and I understand not everyone here is even into stories to begin with...) but I think the placement of it makes it difficult for people to get to easily and therefore is often "the road less travelled." I would appreciate the Adult sections of the board to be as visible/accessible on/from the main page as other areas.

Thank you for your support As I said in my previous post I will put it up for discussion among the Staff. I doubt there will be any objections to moving the Adult Obs/Stories/Artwork board since none of the rules related to it will be changing, but it's only reasonable to ask. Assuming there are no issues though I will aim to get this done as soon as possible.

[vote_for_pedro]

I feel like kind of a jerk for posting in here without having read the whole thread. Sorry. I'm trying to hurry, and there's a lot of stuff to go through. But I just caught the tail end of this thread and wanted to express my thoughts about the adult stuff. I think moving everything that's 18+ to the adult board is pretty extreme. I understand trying to keep the forum safe from certain things. I also understand concern about the younger members, but only to a point! Trying to shield them from that stuff is a little crazy. Asking them not to post in it is fine. But we had 18+ obs, stories, posts, whatever for years and never got into any serious trouble. So why move it? Are we trying to be their parents? For the most part, the mods here are reasonable and cool. But that's one policy that always struck me as massively overbearing.

[Heathcliff]

I think whether U-18 members would understand the policy or not is irrelevant, surely it's whether they would respect it or not which counts....

Our rules need to be enforceable and realistic. If the U-18s who visit us are not going to respect a minimum entry age of 18, then there's no point having one. Given the highly limited tools we have for determining ages, we need people to be honest with us. I don't feel that raising the age limit to 18 would help in that regard.

With mutual respect, HoL- no, no, no! I must disagree with this argument.

The whole point of having rules is that you believe they are right, and you enforce them whether people try to break them or not. You said that you have discovered 12-year-olds lying about their age to join the forum. Why do you not say "There's no point having an over-13 limit, because people do not respect it"?

I think this all comes down to a choice: you could limit the forum to over-18s because, after all, it is dedicated to a sexual fetish,

or-

you could decide to make it open to some minors as well (with the many worries which that entails), and pick a more-or-less arbitrary limit like age 13.

Your choice is the second one (and perhaps that is admirable) but I really believe it is a choice, not an obligation.

Note: Let me politely say why I am pursuing this debate... as I've said before, I really don't dislike the under-18 members I've spoken too. Also, this is not a democracy, and I don't suddenly expect the rules to be changed. But, I think this issue is one that we run into again and again, and it is a debate worth having.

[doggo]

I think whether U-18 members would understand the policy or not is irrelevant, surely it's whether they would respect it or not which counts....

Our rules need to be enforceable and realistic. If the U-18s who visit us are not going to respect a minimum entry age of 18, then there's no point having one. Given the highly limited tools we have for determining ages, we need people to be honest with us. I don't feel that raising the age limit to 18 would help in that regard.

With mutual respect, HoL- no, no, no! I must disagree with this argument.

The whole point of having rules is that you believe they are right, and you enforce them whether people try to break them or not. You said that you have discovered 12-year-olds lying about their age to join the forum. Why do you not say "There's no point having an over-13 limit, because people do not respect it"?

When it comes to "what's right", all age limits are arbitrary. People grow up in different pace anyway.

Age limits 18 and 13 are different because 18 is about covering one's legal ass. Even if I don't always agree with everything, I think the staff has absolutely no obligation to put themselves in any even imaginary danger on top of keeping the forum up and running. But setting the lower age limit to have realistic means to protect at least some of those teenagers is very much "right" in my book compared to setting only one an age limit that would perhaps make the situation less complicated for the staff but allow them less means to keep an eye on how the younger members are doing.

And perhaps we all have different and preferences when it comes to the ideal fetish forum, but personally I feel more safe and comfortable on a forum that does aim to be teenager-friendly, as the general feeling of the forum is less adunt-content centered than it otherwise might be. Personally I would feel less relaxed posting on a more adult-content-centered forum, perhaps because as a woman I feel that if take an active role in a community like that, I might be asking to be harrassed.

Needless to say perhaps but I heartfelthy agree with HOL here.

THANK YOU for staff for their hard work.

Edited August 4, 2010 by pig

[ooo]

I just wanted to say I love being in a community where someone can bring up an issue and the staff will listen and go to such lengths to explain decisions or consider changing things around. Huge thanks to HoL and the staff for making this forum somewhere I feel safe and happy!

Also, briefly because I think everyone else has said everything I'd want to - I also really like the idea of moving the Adult Obs, Art & Stories section to a more accessible place. And with the U-18s issue, I'm another one who would have lied about my age if I'd had to, and I actually really appreciate that I didn't have to. For what it's worth - and I really don't know how much this applies to anyone but me - I think at the age of 13 and under I would have taken the age-limit more seriously and just accepted that I wasn't old enough for this kind of site. I remember being a lot more intimidated by the internet then, though!

Edited August 4, 2010 by ooo

[tma]

And perhaps we all have different and preferences when it comes to the ideal fetish forum, but personally I feel more safe and comfortable on a forum that does aim to be teenager-friendly, as the general feeling of the forum is less adunt-content centered than it otherwise might be. Personally I would feel less relaxed posting on a more adult-content-centered forum, perhaps because as a woman I feel that if take an active role in a community like that, I might be asking to be harrassed.

THANK YOU for staff for their hard work.

I just had to quote this. I hadn't thought about this before in those terms- but it is true for me as well. That's Exactly it. My biggest fear when I found the community was that it would be a "meat market", and.... well... I'm sorry to say but there have been times in the past where I have felt like that was more of the general tenor. It just generally seemed to depend on who was around and who wasn't. During some of those Occasional times I just didn't participate.

Oh... and having Live Chat back to where people will *chat* and it not being 847974923742 fetishy questions or feeling like you are in a pub and getting hit on- YAY!!! If people want to do that via private chat- cool! But... I Love being able to feel comfortable in Chat again.

[obsessed]

Oh... and having Live Chat back to where people will *chat* and it not being 847974923742 fetishy questions or feeling like you are in a pub and getting hit on- YAY!!! If people want to do that via private chat- cool! But... I Love being able to feel comfortable in Chat again.

SUCCESS.

And /backtolurkdom, hehe. :]

[Heathcliff]

Okay... I understand your point, Pig (and Tma, and Obsessed). I do think it's a sad reflection on men that you think a forum which is 18+ is bound to turn into a horrific meat-market. But, I can well believe this is based on personal experience, so I can hardly disagree.

However, I will pursue this central point: suppose we have a 15-year-old member of this forum called X. Under current rules:

* if X writes a self-obs about his sneezing, that's fine;

* if X talks about his sneezing in the chat, that may be a bit dodgy;

* if X posts a video of himself sneezing, it will be removed and he will be warned.

With under-18 members we have to deal with this bizarre set of attitudes; you can say that we've been over this before, but it is still a very relevant area of discussion.

I don't feel I am a shark; but sometimes I want to bring up sneezing as a topic of conversation in the chat room, and I feel like I am a pervert if I mention it in front of an underage person there. Okay- if someone does not want to talk about sneezing, they should be free to say so... but it should not be wrong to mention it (if we are going to allow everybody to post their own sneeze observations).

We have a dilemma on the forum: "sneezing is sexual except when it is not!" Maybe there is no ideal solution to this, but we have to be aware of it.

[starpollen]

However, I will pursue this central point: suppose we have a 15-year-old member of this forum called X. Under current rules:

* if X writes a self-obs about his sneezing, that's fine;

* if X talks about his sneezing in the chat, that may be a bit dodgy;

* if X posts a video of himself sneezing, it will be removed and he will be warned.

With under-18 members we have to deal with this bizarre set of attitudes; you can say that we've been over this before, but it is still a very relevant area of discussion.

I can attest to the fact that this is not a problem that is unique to this forum - or even forums in general. The local high school students read "The Kite Runner," which is apparently rife with material that is controversial for those under 18 to be reading (rape scenes, etc. I have not read it but was told about it by the students). And that same high school had to plead with the administration to be allowed to perform "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," and were only allowed provided they edit their scripts to leave out strong language and sexual content.

So I think it just highlights that there seems to be a theme of contradiction running through American society about sexual content and minors: you can read about it, but you really shouldn't talk about it unless it's in the purely scientific sense, and you definitely shouldn't do it.

While I agree that this seems to stick out as bizarre, it's a far-reaching reality.

[tma]

Heath- I wanted to say that even though I see things a bit differently I do think that you have valid points.

And also- I want to attest that I have *Never* felt that you were anything other than a total gentleman regarding any conversations. I know that no one was accusing *you*, but I just did feel the need to say that.

Frankly (from my perspective as a woman- I know that there are females that harrass but I haven't experienced that personally) I know that quite a few of the gentlemen around here are just that and regardless of any change in rules would be absolutely respectful of personal boundaries. Unfortunately some ruin things for all. I have absolutely no problem if someone asks me certain things, so long as they are respectful of my feelings not to share and not to keep trying to ask. I've told people that I feel like I want to know a person first prior to discussing certain things and then I have honestly gotten a quick physical discription w/ maybe 1 or 2 likes/dislikes (sort of like what I'd imagine a dating ad to be) and then they say, "Ok... now you know me. So will you *now"??"

I know that things are far as what is allowed and what isn't don't always seem to follow completely (and I agree with starpollen that it isn't unique to this forum). It has always been so. There is trying to balance encouraging truthfulness, having a safe a fun place for people to explore (and it really Is quite different for young people *brings out walker * today in terms of discussing things. When I was a teen, I wasn't even *on* the internet. Everyone wasn't iming and texting and googling and having youtube, and exploring things in a worlwide way. There are things that are really good about the way that things are, but also there are complications.

Many 18+ sites (including Yahoo groups)... Say that everyone in them is over 18- but their security?? Having a person check a box. Ok, yes there is a level of trust involved here too, but... I don't know... I think that personally I'd rather know that I am actually talking to a 14 year old than to have a conversation that I think is with a 32 year old and find out that they are 14. The adult board was created to give those over 18 a place to discuss issues that they don't wish to discuss "out in the openness of the main forum". Same for the u18 for the youth board.

Again... I understand your points. Just have different point of view.

[High on Lullabies]

Heathcliff - I think you make some valid points. No, we certainly have no requirement to allow under-18 members here, and yes the situation certainly can be confusing and seemingly nonsensical, as you've illustrated in your example above. However, like tma, my point of view over the presence of under-18's here is different from yours.

As I said in my original post, we have always allowed under-18 members on the forum. The reason we do so is because the majority of Staff believe it's a good idea, and believe that the benefits to both them and the forum (which I and others have outlined in previous posts) as a whole outweigh the potential risks and disadvantages (which have also been outlined) of having them here. There are members of Staff, both past and present, who believe like you that U-18's have no place on a forum such as this. Equally there are those like myself, who believe they do and for now we're in the majority. There may be a time in the future when the roles are reversed and the Staff decide the minimum age for entry to the forum should be 18.

Since it's been asked I feel I should also try and answer why we chose the age of 13 when we did (June 2008). The main reason would be because it was an age that all the Staff at the time were willing to accept. There was a majority who felt, after having several 11 and 12 year-olds attempt to register (and even one as young as 9 I think, assuming the age entered was genuine!), that a minimum age needed to be set. 13 was suggested and everyone agreed to it.

Apart from the feelings of the Staff involved. When setting the rules, as I've already said, reality has to feature. If you set the age limit at 18, the only way we could police that would be either to require a small payment by credit card (which I don't think anyone would be willing to do) or as I said before, require some sort of proof of ID which frankly seems unnecessary and unworkable in these times of identity theft, etc.

Wherever we set the limit, people are going to lie to meet it, and since as we've already stated there's very little way of us enforcing it. The fewer liars we have the better. Yes, we may get (and indeed have had) a few 12-year-olds register claiming to be 13. But surely that's better than a 14 or 15-year-old claiming to be 18. In allegations of grooming of teenagers for sex, etc the 'he/she told me he/she was 18...' defence doesn't hold much water. Therefore much better that, as tma said, we know who is 18 and who is not, so we can see and deal with the creeps and so innocent parties don't make silly mistakes with people they think are of age.

Okay... I understand your point, Pig (and Tma, and Obsessed). I do think it's a sad reflection on men that you think a forum which is 18+ is bound to turn into a horrific meat-market. But, I can well believe this is based on personal experience, so I can hardly disagree.

I would like to think we could stop the forum becoming a 'meat-market' whatever age limit was set, and it's important to say we are concerned about instances of sharking against members of any age or gender, not just our U-18 members. If a side effect of the fact the forum embraces the presence of U-18 members, helps some people feel more relaxed in posting then that can only be a good thing in my opinion

However, I will pursue this central point: suppose we have a 15-year-old member of this forum called X. Under current rules:

* if X writes a self-obs about his sneezing, that's fine;

* if X talks about his sneezing in the chat, that may be a bit dodgy;

* if X posts a video of himself sneezing, it will be removed and he will be warned.

With under-18 members we have to deal with this bizarre set of attitudes; you can say that we've been over this before, but it is still a very relevant area of discussion.

Okay, the reasons for this generally relates to how the law works. And it's important to bear in mind the law doesn't always make much sense either. An example I often quote is that a 17-year old couple in the UK are entitled to have sex with each other, but if one of them had a sexually explicit photo of the other, they would technically be breaking the law by possessing child pornography. Since the age of consent for sexual intercourse is 16, but the age of majority is 18. As far as observations (self or otherwise) are concerned, I've stated the reasons for the rules being what they are in my previous post and I'm not going to restate them here.

It's important to state first that sneezing discussion in the chat room is not off-limits, whether there are U-18 members in there or not, and they are also allowed to be involved in it. We allow them to be involved General Discussion threads and to post Observations of themselves, no reason they shouldn't be allowed to be involved in such discussions in the chat room. It's true that not a lot of discussion about the fetish goes on in the chat room, but that does not mean it's not permitted. However, it's important to say that the rules about 18+ content still apply, and the concern about sharking still exists. We're not going to have U-18's kicked out of the chat room so 18+ discussion can take place. If two members want to have an 18+ discussion when underage members are present, they can do so in a private window.

What we don't want is, as tma put it is '847974923742 fetishy questions' or indeed people doing what has been called 'reverse sharking' i.e. talking about your own sneezing to another person specifically to try and get a sexual reaction out of them. If people say 'no, I'd rather not talk about that' or try to change the subject, or stay silent then take the hint. However if two people want to have a discussion like that, then that's fine.

[Heathcliff]

Thanks for taking the time to reply HoL (and Starpollen, and Tma above). It does speak volumes about the moderators here that we can discuss these things in a civilized way.

I accept your arguments; I expect it does make for a richer forum community to have teenage members as well as adult ones. In any case, the forum is clearly in good hands whatever the current age requirements.

To answer a couple of your points:

When setting the rules, as I've already said, reality has to feature. If you set the age limit at 18, the only way we could police that would be either to require a small payment by credit card (which I don't think anyone would be willing to do) or as I said before, require some sort of proof of ID which frankly seems unnecessary and unworkable in these times of identity theft, etc.

Of course... I wasn't suggesting an 18+ age test- that would be completely unworkable. It was just for the business of covering legal and moral asses.

If you have an 18+ tick-box entry requirement, a kid who lies about his age can still easily get into the forum; but it is made clear he has given false information, and entered an environment which he has been told not to go into.

It is different from actively inviting under-18 members to a forum which is, after all, dedicated to a sexual fetish.

Wherever we set the limit, people are going to lie to meet it, and since as we've already stated there's very little way of us enforcing it...

You are exactly right...

Therefore much better that, as tma said, we know who is 18 and who is not, so we can see and deal with the creeps and so innocent parties don't make silly mistakes with people they think are of age.

Well, as you say above, you don't know beyond doubt who is 18 and who is not. I agree with you that people are less likely to lie about their age on a 13+ forum than an 18+ forum (because more ages can enter legitimately). But you have to admit, there is nothing to stop a 14-year-old member lying about his age to enter our current Adult Board.

Okay, the reasons for this generally relates to how the law works. And it's important to bear in mind the law doesn't always make much sense either. An example I often quote is that a 17-year old couple in the UK are entitled to have sex with each other, but if one of them had a sexually explicit photo of the other, they would technically be breaking the law by possessing child pornography.

I have to say- I wasn't aware of that. That does show that the law is a bit barmy in this area- and I can't blame the moderators for that!

We're not going to have U-18's kicked out of the chat room so 18+ discussion can take place. If two members want to have an 18+ discussion when underage members are present, they can do so in a private window...

...If people say 'no, I'd rather not talk about that' or try to change the subject, or stay silent then take the hint. However if two people want to have a discussion like that, then that's fine.

Yes, I agree. I guess the solution is to be polite but honest about it; I assume it would be alright to ask "Would anyone like to talk about sneezing in a private window?" if you are ready to accept 'no' for an answer.

[count tiszula]

what HoL doesn't mention is that the law about indecent pictures is part of a "Golddiggers' Charter" which I can only assume is introduced on the great legal principle "habet California, obtinendum". that is, California's got one, we must have one. But whereas in California the thing is that if you have sex with a person of 16, they can blackmail you into marrying them because that makes it all right, in England now if you are having an affair with such a person, which you sre quite entitled to do, but the person sends you a photo of them naked and either displaying their genitalia or erect genitalia, you can avoid the crime either by marrying the person or just letting them move in with you;indigent teenagers please note. The golddigger is also breaking the law and is a child pornographer, but hey, it's worth the risk to get somewhere to live, what?

But that wasn't what I was going to say...

[Lynne]

count, I don't know where you got the idea that forum rules are based on "California" law... such a ridiculous proposition in and of itself, as each state in the United States has its own set of laws, but the laws governing child pornography are FEDERAL. In any case, there isn't a single member of staff from California, nor do I believe there ever has been.

You've used this thread as your personal soap box for long enough. We get that you have a problem with the underage materials rule. Fine. We're not willing to entertain the notion of changing it at this time. Period. Let it go, and enough with the threadjack. If you want to bitch about the staff and our rules, you know the appropriate place to do it, and this isn't it. As it is, it seems as though you've let go the idea of intelligent debate and are now just bent on ridiculing whatever opinion doesn't coincide with yours. Enough is enough. Further posts in the same vein as the one above will be removed as off-topic and inflammatory.

[isheasneezer]

I'm a validating member and i can't vote on the poll...

i LOVE this site, but it annoys me because I can't vote or see everything. I hope that comes with higher rankings though!

[The Mute Poet]

Not to worry, isheasneezer, you'll be able to do all that and more once your account has been validated following the "Pending" stage. Typically that only takes a couple of months (not all that much in the grand scheme of things ) just so we can get to know you as a poster first.

That said, I think just about all of us were a bit frustrated we had to go through validation and couldn't just jump in everywhere right away (even this moderator ), but rest assured it's well worth it in the end!

[Stimuli]

Just right, but, a little strict, I am not allowed to see my own profile untill I become a poster haha

[Vetinari]

I believe the forum is set up so that you can either see all profiles, or none. People place more personal information in their profiles and they feel able to do so because those areas are kept private and are available only to members who have gone through a vetting process. It's a way of keeping active and established members safer, whilst allowing them to interact with each other more freely. It takes a bit of effort certainly, but that has to be weighed against the advantages. Carry on as you are and I'm sure you will be able to view your profile soon.

[nolongeractive]

Though I don't go on the forum daily, I still visit a few times a week and I've always found that the way the forum is run is done very nicely! I feel like I can always get help from someone if I need it and almost everyone is very accepting. Keep up the good work!

[Joal 555]

I have just read the majority of this thread, and what comes across to me from all the comments is that we are extremely fortunate on this forum to have an exceptional staff who all give freely of their time to run this place to the best of their abilty, and to ensure that the forum is as safe as it can be, given the fetishy nature of our shared interest. Sorry, that was a VERY long sentence!

It is obviously impossible for us all to agree with every rule or decision but knowing the honourable intentions of the people concerned surely makes a huge difference to us all

Thank you everyone!

[NoV]

I have just read the majority of this thread, and what comes across to me from all the comments is that we are extremely fortunate on this forum to have an exceptional staff who all give freely of their time to run this place to the best of their abilty, and to ensure that the forum is as safe as it can be, given the fetishy nature of our shared interest. Sorry, that was a VERY long sentence!

Long sentence but I agree with it entirely. I think that the greatest strength of this forum IS the fact that we have such a varied mix of ages and interests, and this only runs effectively due to the tireless efforts of the moderating staff. Many other online forums are allowed to descend into rather horrible, nasty places to visit due to ineffective or relaxed moderating

[sevelatula]

A quick comment. I hope I am posting in the right spot. Love the forum. Would appreciate it if you would separate the media section into male and female to facilitate finding preferences. Many thanks, Jim

[megacycle]

I feel that it is a little over regulated and restrictions placed onto new members is a little over the top. Being unable to do what is normally possible on any other forum or social site is a little harsh on new members. Especially if they are used to being able to view profiles, enter chat, and send notes or personal messages on other sites from the start instead of having to wait until validation has been completed and permission is given. That in the end discourages new members, making them feel a little unwelcome to the community or forum.

I do agree with most of the rules and regulations, but I do not agree with all the rules and regulations that are in place.. Because of the way things are now, new unvalidated members cannot hold a private conversation with any other member on the forum, especially with other new unvalidated members. Unless they are allowed to start topics titled, "Let's talk (Insert username)." on the forum?

The forum as a whole is great, and so are the members. I enjoy spending time on the site, commenting on topics, reading posts, and creating topics.