Unsanitary roommates

[Raining Strawberry]

*Takes a deep breath*

Okay, I am going to try to handle this calmly. Despite wanting to scream obscenities.

My roommate sneezes a lot, but never covers her mouth and nose. Thankfully they're small, squished-sounding sneezes, not huge, messy things that make you think of a spray bottle or rainstorm being hurled in your direction. But still.

Up until now I haven't commented, I guess just because I'm a fetishist and have no idea how to approach the issue in a not-awkward way. Overall we get along well, but we definitely have different ideas as far as germ maintenance is concerned. And she knows that I'm something of a germaphobe, though as far as I can tell, she doesn't take me seriously in that respect. (She gets slightly defensive when I ask her not to do something that affects me/my stuff that I think is unsanitary.)

Earlier today, we were sitting at our desks (side-by-side, about three feet apart), when she turned her head away from her desk, in my direction, and sneezed uncovered. It would have been just as easy for her to have turned her head the opposite direction. I was so shocked that I almost didn't say anything, but finally managed, "could you cover your nose and mouth when you do that?"

And she said, "but I had my mouth closed." And stared at me as if that fully justified it.

Uh, sneeze droplets exploding out of your nose? God, if I didn't have a fetish and wasn't so ridiculously turned off by her, that would have been so much easier to put in. But instead, the convo pretty much stopped there. She might have some idea that I'm pissed though.

How on earth do I deal with this? Obviously it's happened a lot without me saying anything, but this time she actually turned her head in my direction and sneezed at me. Not okay. And she doesn't seem to understand the concept of spray. Or personal space, or etiquette. What am I supposed to say?

[Vetinari]

I don't really know but hopefully she might have taken the hint. It must be hard having to share when you find something like that which disgusts you.

[Anonymouse]

Ugh this is absolutely disgusting. I live with a bunch of guys and it doesn't bother me so much when they sneeze uncovered, but since I'm the only girl and I was living in a double room by myself I got stuck with a roommate who I find really disgusting. I'm not shallow or anything, her eating and sanitary habits are just appalling. She eats the most unhealthy shit, chews with her mouth open and makes weird sounds as she does it, stockpiles food that eventually ends up going rotten and never throws it away, leaves notes in the common room telling others to pick up their garbage in a pile of her own garbage, and sneezes in doubles UNCOVERED. And they ARE the spraying rain forest kind that your roommate thankfully doesn't have.

Whenever it happens in the common room I try to say "Please cover!" even though I HATE that someone her age actually needs to be told to cover her sneezes! Sometimes I even get up and leave because I'm too disgusted by the idea of her having just sneezed all over everyone's communal stuff and I need to go calm down. When she does it in my room I just curl up in a tiny ball and try not to think about how dirty the air is. This semester I've built somewhat of a barrier separating her side of the room from mine, so at least there's that.

I guess the next time she does it just repeat yourself a little more firmly (though you shouldn't have to, people should know by now how to behave). Ask her if it's really that hard for her to cover or at least turn the other way. That's so incredibly rude.

[murphy dee]

GROOOOOOSSSSS. I hate to think she's doing this out of any sort of malice, so that really only leaves carelessness or stupidity.

...how long until she moves out?

[Raining Strawberry]

Thankfully, I think she may have gotten the hint, at least to some extent. She's sneezed several more times today, and I believe every time she's covered up... although... using her hands rather than her elbow or a tissue. Gah. And she likes touching stuff, too. Seems all I can do at this point is remind her if she ever does it again.

I'm guessing that we get used to whatever sanitation standards we were raised with, and sometimes these make us unable to grasp the concept of doing something differently. I'd like to think that the human brain is capable of more, but uh... I've seen enough people do gross things that I've lost all faith.

Thank you for your imput! And AnonyMouse, you're definitely putting up with waaay worse than me. I hope you manage to survive living there!

PS- We're here until June. I'm preeeetty sure that I'll be canning the whole roommate-in-a-single-room concept after this one.

[Anonymouse]

lol thanks. I was looking forward to her graduating this year... but she changed her major last-minute and now she's going to be a super-senior! Of course she asked if she could live here with us again and the guys were too afraid to say no... yet nobody can stand her so I'm like WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST.

I do understand people being raised that way and having a hard time changing their habits. However, when it's common sense you'd think it'd be a little easier. She should be thinking "Oh, hey, I'm an adult so I understand how germs can spread, maybe I should sneeze into my elbow so I don't get germs in the air/on my hands and spread them by touching things." Though apparently she didn't think anything would come out of her nose. Her mouth may be covered but with all that force the germs have to come out somewhere. *shudder*

Of course it's easy to discuss this on here. Saying it out loud is another story. Glad she seems to be moving in the right direction though, just make sure she doesn't touch your stuff.

[nolongeractive]

I have a roommate like this, too! She sneezes often and doesn't seem to be very hygienic about it, though she will try to stifle it. I just wish she wouldn't do it so often so I wouldn't have to think about it.. Ick. Not to mention, she often fails to take out the recycling and her garbage for weeks when she's the one who fills it up. She's generally friendly and not often in the room, so that's okay with me, but there are still little things like that that get to me. I haven't talked to her about her sneezing, obviously, because I doubt I could say anything without being awkward, but if that garbage deal better not keep up..

[March Hare]

In non-fetishist circles, it is actually all right to find that kind of behaviour gross. I would almost say, especially in non-fetishist circles. So if you, calmly and quietly and with a hint of good humour, tell your roommate (when she does it again) "you know, I haven't liked bringing it up because I don't like being fussy, but what you're doing is gross and it icks me out, so please stop it if you don't want me to treat you like a plague corpse" ... well, better leave that last part out, actually... But anyway, saying something like that is NOT going to blow your cover. Promise. And who knows? It might help!

[Raining Strawberry]

Anonymouse- Exactly! Common sense. And yet... some people just don't have it? Maybe my roommate thinks she's semi-stifling her sneezes or something. Because when I say that most of them sound "squished", they do sound sort of repressed. Not that that makes it any better.

The Cracked Egg- It's definitely the little things. Aside from the sneezing thing I feel a bit bad for complaining, since as a whole I've got a good roommate and it could be sooo much worse. But yeah. Ew, your roomie doesn't take out her own garbage? Where is the logic behind that? (If it helps any, I set up a rule with my roommate that if it's yours, you have to deal with it. Such as dishes in the sink. She does hers, I do mine. And no, she may not do mine just to be nice.)

Maru-chan- Yeah, I know that mentioning sneezing isn't going to blow my cover. But since I never talk about it, and have never had to deal with a situation where it so openly came up, I'm kinda new to this. It was a very weird feeling, to realize that I had to address this, and that doing so would not give me away. Thankfully, she's been covering up her sneezes for the most part since then... although I think last night when she was on the other side of the room she did her mouth-closed-open-sneeze thing again. Hasn't everybody heard those stats on how many miles her hour a sneeze travels? Oi. But then, she's faaar from being the most logical person I've ever met.

[Addie]

My roommate does the same thing! I love her, we are really good friends, but it irks the HELL out of me when she sneezes and doesn't cover her mouth! I have a very difficult courseload this semester, and I absolutely cannot afford to get sick, but it's hard to stay healthy when everyone around you is sick and the person sleeping five feet away from you is sneezing all over the place. I invested in a large bottle of Vitamin C tablets and Airborne/Emergen-C. I always, always, always cover my mouth, though most of the time I just either don't sneeze or do it silently if I can. Typically I don't care one way or the other out in the open, but the fact that we're living in close quarters and she's touching my things...ugh. She recently had a cold (right before midterms! what is that?!) and I bought a huge bottle of hand sanitizer, disinfecting spray, and orange juice. What gets me is that she's a NURSING major- aren't they supposed to promote healthy habits??

[count tiszula]

How ironic it is that many of us would think it absolutely ideal to be sharing accommodation with someone who is both sneezy and messy. And without any self-consciousness sneezes all over us. Would that I had had flatmates like that.

Then, "I guess irony can be pretty ironic".

Incidentally, tests have shown that colds are not spread by airborne pathogens; and I often wonder what germs can be spread by sneezing that are not spread by any close contact. Used they not to say that glandular fever can be caught by sharing a cup....?

[Raining Strawberry]

Addie- A nursing major?! Jesus. Well... if you guys are ever talking about your fields of study, you could casually ask her for some tips in staying healthy and reducing the spread of germs. Sounds like you're already covering your bases with the hand sanitizer and spray, but it's worth a try. I mean, how can you leave out the tidbit about covering your mouth and nose? It's a classic. And do you know any of her nursing friends? If you're close enough to them, you could ask if this bothers them too. I'm sure she'll get a talking-to by someone in her field at some point. (Also, in addition to vitamin C, vitamin D and zinc are super-boosters for your immune system. I'd recommend taking those as well. )

count de tisza- "One man's trash is another's treasure," as they say... and sure, it could be awesome to have a sneezy, messy roommate. However, while I've been attracted to a few girls before, that does not include my roommate. I like her just fine, but I think I'd be a bit grossed out if she so much as hugged me. Not my type in the slightest. And her sneezes in and of themselves do nothing for me. Especially when she apparently has two or three mystery symptoms from other things.

And I hear that MRSA bugs grow in the nose? Maybe that's common knowledge, but I just learned that. Yeah, no thanks, I don't want MRSA all over everything that I own.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Raining Strawberry

[LoraLee2]

Well, Raining Strawberries, you handled it alot better than i would, because if someone i found revolting sneezed uncovered in my direction from three feet away, i would have reflexively slapped her across the face... and she probably would never do that again. but totally dont do that, im a horrible person for even thinking that.. however im very glad she is starting to respond to your requests! hopefully your situation continues to improve

[Talon Winchester]

Ugh, I know what you're talking about!! I have a twin brother and he used to sneeze uncovered. We share a room. One night, we were staying up late and he had a cold. We were on his bunk of our bunk beds. He suddenly started rubbing at his nose and his breath started hitching. I looked around for Kleenex, found some, and went to hand it to him but he just turned away and sneezed openly. It was extremely wet looking and sounding. I yelled at him

for doing that so now he always fakes it. He annoys me so much!!!

[Ali Marie]

I am VERY thankful to God that my roommates aren't like yours! One of them even knows about my Fetish, so she is extremely careful around me. We are a cast of actors in the musical Carnival! Currently residing in the hotel dorms of the theatre. They are called "Hotel" Dorms because they are only occupied by the cast during a run of the show. The day after the shows closes we are out of there! I know dorms can get a bit nasty but this is my First experince ever living in a dorm. You have ALL of my sympathy! I can't imagine what that is like for you! The fact that all of my dorm residents are respectable actors from the theatre makes it a bit easier on me. I have Three very well-mannerd roommates!

[Addie]

Oops- just reread my earlier post and realized how it came off. I'm a nursing major too, and though I love her to pieces I am a much better student than she is, so asking her for anything like that would be a little weird. So far I've managed not to get sick (cross your fingers) either time she's had a cold this semester, but there's still like two months to go!

If I roomed with a guy (I'm a 20 yr old female, I don't know how my profile ended up saying 19 yr old male) it would probably be different. I can't say for sure because I've never lived with a guy that wasn't related to me, but usually when my female friends get sick I try to stay away as much as possible / appropriate (I don't avoid them per se, I just make a point of not touching their things, not borrowing pens, not sitting on their beds). However, when any of my guy friends get sick, I turn into a puddle of mush and ask if they need anything and fuss obsessively and show off my nursing student skills (haha), so...

BTW: does anyone know how to change the information so I'm no longer shown as a 19 yr old male? Thanks!

[ichixshiro14]

That's gross! I had a roommate last semester who was rude and actually attacked me (she had to be held back) so I moved out and now have a single...I hope your situation gets better though! And I'm the exact same way, when my girl friends get sick, I want no part of it, but when my guy friends get sick, I just want to mother them btw, to change your profile information, click on "my controls" at the top right, then click on "edit profile" on the left of that page

*edited because apparently I think right is left

Edited March 7, 2011 by sneezelover14

[Addie]

I've tried that numerous times (my controls -> edit personal information) and it keeps saying that I don't have access to this portion of the board!

And your roommate ATTACKED you? That's nuts!! I guess I can put up with uncovered sneezing if you can deal with getting physically attacked. Some people are CRAZY.

[Raining Strawberry]

LoraLee2- Oh, don't worry, wanting to smack your roomie isn't unheard of. I've wanted to do it too. Instead, I stalked out of the room, into the bathroom, and had a full-on spaz attack. If anyone had come in while I was in there, I'm not sure what I would have told them.

Talon- Aaaaack eeewwww siblings. I'm so glad mine doesn't sneeze uncovered. But at least your brother had the decency to turn in the opposite direction!

Addie- You can't access your profile until you've been validated, so you'll have to wait until a mod changes that for you.

ichixshiro14- Whaaaaat??! I'm glad you got out of there. WTF.

[ichixshiro14]

I've tried that numerous times (my controls -> edit personal information) and it keeps saying that I don't have access to this portion of the board!

And your roommate ATTACKED you? That's nuts!! I guess I can put up with uncovered sneezing if you can deal with getting physically attacked. Some people are CRAZY.

Bahaha yeah it was...apparently I called her a bitch in my sleep, and she threatened to kick me out, so I snapped at her and she ran at me...it was nuts

I hope the admins sort it out for you

[Vetinari]

BTW: does anyone know how to change the information so I'm no longer shown as a 19 yr old male? Thanks!

Apology for the threadjack Raining Strawberry.

Hi Addie, there is a section of the forum here where you can ask queries like this in future and then the staff should be able to see them and reply more promptly. You can't change your profile just now because you are a validating member. You can read more about that process on the "Membership Levels" section of the forum in the "Read Before Posting" area which is here.

In the meantime an admin or the owner can change your profile if you let us know which parts you would like changed. Probably it's best to start a thread in the Forum Support ... just in case I don't recheck this thread all that soon and then I can also edit this thread to remove this when I do come back. Hope that's helpful.

Edited March 8, 2011 by Vetinari

[Raining Strawberry]

Oh god oh god oh god it continues. I was taking a forum break in an attempt to focus on school, but this can't be ignored.

And I realize that it's probably going to make me sound like a heartless bitch. Well... I guess all I can say is that I try not to be.

As a whole, I guess my roommate has been sort of or mostly okay with not sneezing too openly since the sneezing-at-me incident. Although I think she seriously does not remember to cover up sometimes, which is beyond me.

But... she's just come down with a potential sinus infection. She was kind of complaining about pressure and being stuffed up and ichy, and went to the nurse's office and got some meds. Not that they stop her from sneezing or anything. Aaaand a few days ago while I was on the other side of the room, she sneezed pretty much all over my entire half of the room. Openly. No stifle. Twice. Unfortunately I had my back turned, though I did see it out of the corner of my eye... but thought it would be way too weird if I whipped around on instant reflex the way I wanted to. And, you know, had a little talk with her.

It's just that, now I'm thinking about every single thing in our room that we both touch. You know, what with her constantly blowing her nose and not washing her hands afterward. Let's see... the fridge door and MY water pitcher come to mind. God, I don't know what to do. I seriously want to explain some basic hygeine tips to her, because I think she actually does need to hear them, but how do I do that without coming off as a bitch or treating her like a child? Like, "hey, (I know that I can't remember the last time I saw you wash your hands in our room, but) could you please wash your hands after you blow your nose before you touch anything else in the room, particularly things that belong to me?" I'd practically have to make a rule that she needs to wash her hands after every noseblow, to get her to do it consistently.

I just cleaned off everything we both touch since she left for a while, but I don't like using disinfectant wipes constantly, and it's not realistic.

And bitchy thing number two-- "Also, (remember that time I got pissed at you for sneezing on me?) Since you're sick, could you work harder to cover all of your sneezes in a tissue or your elbow? I know you're sick, but I really don't want to get sick too."

*sighs* I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Just... help? Any way that I could phrase anything to not sound bitchy, yet still get my point across? I have been dying to give her a tutorial on the fact that we inhale viruses, and even if they don't make us sick, they still grow inside our noses until we sneeze them out.

I feel so horribly uneloquent right now. *Head in hands* I'm sorry.

Living with a roommate has shown me just how much of a germaphobe I really am.

ETA- My brain is completely jumbled right now so I can't remember a thing I just said, but I don't think I said this-- one reason why it's so hard to talk to her about this is that she doesn't ever seem to want to talk about problems between us. She'll tell me all about issues with exes and so on, but she has never once, in all these months, criticized something that I've done, or asked me not to do something, and this includes things that I'm pretty sure really bothered her. (She once said that when she gets pissed off about stuff in general she keeps to herself... so healthy.) And this is even after I told her that I really think we need to be able to communicate openly. As an example I explained something she does and why I would like her to do this other thing instead, please. Aaaand she just got quiet. She never says anything, so I feel like I'm always the one doing the critiquing/criticizing. She doesn't make it easy.

Edited May 3, 2011 by Raining Strawberry

[March Hare]

In all this time that she's been your roommate, has she ever infected you?

[NameTaken]

Ugh. God. That's awful. I can't really say what you can do though (unhelpful, I know- sorry!) but I would completley banish the fetish to the farthest reaches of my mind, sit her down and lecture. About everything. Hygiene, the way viruses spread, washing her hands...If you try not to come off as condescending, she may possibly get the point...? But if she keeps everything bottled up...

Guh. I'm sorry. Advice fail

My sister gets irritated at me for snapping at her to wash her hands everytime after she sneezes into them. I HATE that. It doesn't seem that hard a request to me >.>

The one time she sneezed wetly ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE I screamed at her and was so disgusted I had to go upstairs and cry. And my dad saw my reaction as extremely rude and overthetop (I know it probably was, but- ewwww...) and made me APOLOGISE TO HER. Blech.

As a fellow germaphobe, I feel for you. I really, really hope the situation gets better!

[Raining Strawberry]

Maru-chan- No, she hasn't, but she hasn't had a cold or other respitory virus since I've known her, either. Some mystery symptoms, but apparently not contagious? It's just that, now that she's sick and not changing her habits in any way that I've seen, I really don't want to get infected.

NameTaken- On your face???!! Oh my god, I am so sorry. I'm not sure I could have handled that any better! And I'm surprised that your dad didn't at least tell your sister to take the initiative to turn away. If we've been sneezing all our lives, shouldn't we have some idea of how to control where we sneeze??

And thanks for the advice. Yeah, this does seem to be one of those times when just saying a little something every time it happens is probably just going to get annoying. It's just a matter of finding a time when we're both available, and actually getting her to respond to what I'm saying. I'll definitely give it a try.

*sigh* and I really need to learn how to be sympathetic. It sucks to have a sinus infection/thing, and I get that. I'm just not... feeling the empathy. Working on it.