Put a bullet in my head.

[The Dude]

So today I came about *this* close to sharing the fetish with a friend of mine over the phone, but stopped myself before I could even get the words out. What's ironic is that I'm almost 100% positive she would have been cool with it, and possibly even indulged me... yet I choked completely, like Eminem in 8 Mile. It's as if I could hear them in my head, and even see myself saying them, but for whatever reason the section of highway between my brain and my mouth was down for maintenance. Needless to say, the conversation ended on kind of an awkward note.

What really disturbs me was that this hasn't happened to me in ages! I'd like to think I'm comfortable enough with my fetish to be able to discuss it openly with friends if the topic comes up. Not this time however. Maybe the fact that we're so close, and she knows practically everything about me is what put me off.

Anyway, where could I bitch about this if not here? Gonna go find some nice warm quicksand to play in now. =P

[Niceguy]

I'm sure that almost everyone who eventually managed to tell a SO at some point choked MANY times before they finally managed to. I know I did, anyway. But that's the thing about NOT telling... you get a new chance to change that every single day. But once you tell? You can't UNDO that! So having some trepedation about it is totally understandable. It would be remarkable if it was something that you could say easily. You'll have more chances - and even the next won't be the last.

Just a side note, some unsolicited advice ... I told my wife, years ago, and she was totally cool with it. She hasn't really indulged me, per se, at least not volutarily. (But to some extent, these things are inevitable, if you take my meaning.) But she was cool with it. Thing is? I sometimes still wish I hadn't told her, just because now, when we come accross something that *ahem* turns me on, now she totally KNOWS, where as I used to just get turned on in secret. It's a trade off, but that feeling of her KNOWING... It's like getting caught doing something naughty. Especially out in public, or watching a movie, or something like that. I'm not always keen on having another person, even DW, knowing what's going on down there. Makes me feel kind of... naked, I guess.

Anyway... I didn't want to freak you out even more with that, it's just what I thought of whe I read your post. I guess what I'm saying is: You didn't "choke." And if you did, it's still POSSIBLE that's it's for the best.

That being said? GOOD LUCK NEXT TIME, MY MAN! *punch in the arm* And be sure to let us know how it goes!

Edited March 13, 2011 by Niceguy

[The Dude]

thanks.. it's not unsolicited at all, in fact I hadn't looked at it that way before. Virtually every SO or female friend I've ever had knows about it, and they all thought it was fairly innocent. This one, howver, is much older and wiser so perhaps it's a different standard I was worried about being judged by. It's one of those things where I've gone this long without her knowing, and I wasn't completely sure how she'd react so I'd rather keep my mouth shut than risk damaging the friendship.

In retrospect, I was going about it all wrong. I'll probably wait a couple of weeks then tell her, and see what happens.

Edited March 14, 2011 by Porkins