Vive La France!

[Giant Steps]

So, having recently returned from a voyage a la Paris as a joint celebration of my 18th and mere et pere’s anniversary, I have a number of juicy obs for you. Bon appetite!!

Upon first arrival, I noticed a lot of people walking about – looking very French in their long winter coats – with tissues, either rubbing or blowing their suffering noses. Things were looking promising, but it wouldn’t be until we settled down and went sight seeing that any significant sneezes would emerge.

Ladies, first!

Let’s begin at the Louvre. You all know that big glass pyramid thingy? That one where Tom Hanks finds the Holy Grail? Well, once you go inside there are staircases and escalators leading down to the museum below and my first obs takes place just at the top of these stairs. You see, it was a very bright day and all the glass only amplified the suns rays. Apart from the intense heat, I could feel the back of my sinuses tingling and I wondered what the effect would be on someone coming up the stairs here having spent some time below where it was considerably darker. I didn’t wait long for an answer. An Eastern European woman with a light pink raincoat, rucksack, glasses and a ponytail made it to the top looking a little dazed. Not even giving her a chance to build-up, the beaming sun attacked her sinuses and she exploded with an uncovered “KKSHHHHHHHEEEEEEYAAAAAH”. Barely recovered, she sneezed again directly after, with just enough time to gasp for breath before a louder “AHHHKKT-SSSHHHHHHHHHYAAAAAA!!!” doubling her over. She stopping walking at this point and returned upright, looking either exhausted or ready to sneeze again. Probably both, as her face contorted she sucked in a mouthful of air, reared her head and caught the final in her elbow: “HUUUUUUUUUUUGHRRKK-SHHYYAAAAAA!!” Incredible. Somehow, she shook it off and continued on her way. I wondered though, how many more sneezes could I catch here if I found an excuse to hang around the whole day?

Onward then, to the Champs-Elysees, which is basically a looooong road leading up to the Arc de Triomphe. It’s very nice, though. It runs through a park with fountains and statues and whatnot. Tres belle. We stopped briefly at an outside touristy shop with postcards and silly souvenirs. It’s fortunate we did, however, because otherwise I would’ve missed out on the eye-candy of the day!!

Whilst contemplating the need for a fluffy Eiffel Tower doll with eyes, two smokin’ hot Latina girls walked passed me. The one we will be focusing on had dark skin, shoulder length black hair, sunglasses, a tight green tank top stopping just above a pierced belly button and even tighter jeans which barely contained her voluptuous figure. Pretty stereotypical, right? Especially since it wasn't even that hot. Whatever, I wasn't complaining! I stalked followed her around the shop a little just because…you know..…we were going in the same dire(re)ction? It was totally worth it though, because as she was leaving her walking pace slowed down for no apparent reason. I moved in closer as she raised her arms away from her face and I was rewarded with a brief, falsetto “iiSSSSHHHHHH-OOOOHHhh!!!!” spraying the area directly in front of her. The quick shudder was enough to knock the sunglasses from her face which she caught expertly with one hand before they hit the ground – no thanks to her ample cleavage, I’m sure. If only her jeans hadn’t been so damn tight her butt would’ve jiggled like jelly!

After an endless walk we reached the Arc de Triomphe. Once inside (after realising there is an underground path and you don’t actually have to take the suicidal sprint across the road!) we climbed the steps to the top. Although this next obs takes place inside the building itself, where they have a museum section and a gift shop. I was browsing some of the ever-amusing giant pencils when I noticed a redhead in the aisle opposite me with a distant look on her face. She was very cute. Short hair, with a little ponytail, freckles, a small, round, red nose and blue eyes. My sneeze senses were tingling again and I managed to catch the whole show with a side on view. First the unfocused look down the aisle, with a slightly open mouth. Then a quick twitch of the left nostril; easy to miss. Her breathing intensified; taking larger gulps of air as her blinking became more chaotic. The tickle took over and she had no choice but to surrender to the inevitable. Her head shook slightly as she raised her hand, covering her mouth with her palm and stifled the sneeze between her thumb and index finger: “HAAAAAAAHHH-MMMPHHHHTTTT---uhhhhhhh” *sniff* “uhhhhhhhh” *sssssnniffff* She went into a quick rubbing frenzy to see off any other tickles, then went on her way. D'aww! Bon voyage, madame!

Male section:

A couple of minutes later we were climbing the stairs to the top of the Arc de Triomphe. Firstly though, it’s important to emphasise the light difference between the dim inside – where I had spent the past 10–15 minutes – and the blazing sun outside because that’s definitely what set me off. It caught me completely off guard, and I was trapped! The stairs up are one way and there’s no shelter at the top to hide you from the sun’s persistent glare. I thought I could hold it off but before I knew it…“HEEESSHHHHHHHHHHUUUUGGHHHH” “HEEEEEEEEESHHHH-UUUGHHHH- damn!” quicker than I could move to cover it. I wasn’t done, but this time I was ready and had my elbow over my face in preparation. “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESHHHHHHHUUUUGGHHHH!!” I deliberately forced this one to kill the tickle. It didn’t work though, because even after that massive sneeze my nose was still itching. I was running out of options. It was busy up here and I’m not too fond of having sneezing fits in crowds. This one was punishing me and refused to die down. I stood for nearly 15 seconds fighting with it before it finally escaped as a kind of stifle: "HaaAAAACHHHH--ughhh" That left me with some relief. I had no idea I was so sensitive to light!

Then, to my horror I realise my mum had already started filming for the view and now has the whole thing on camera!!

Edited March 16, 2011 by Giant Steps

[BananaTree]

Ha, I'd love to see THAT vid! Excellent obs!

[Butch]

Giant Steps - AWESOME obs, but also hysterical! Oh man.. it's all on camera??? Geez.

[NoV]

Superb obs - love the way it was written like a sneezing tour of Paris!

[count tiszula]

Funny, isn't it, how the sun is somehow so much sneezier in Paris.

This so reminds me of wandering round that area when I was young. Sadly, I've forgotten most of my obsides. But certainly by the begiinning of summer, a really good place to obs is any metro station; as people come up into the sunlight.... And of course, watching the sneezers go by from a cafe on the Champs-Elysees. [strictly speaking, the Avenue].

A Wonderful collection of obsides....

[SomethingClever]

This is great... In addition to the obs itself, it's hilariously written... Makes me want to be back in Paris, I haven't been since I was very little. Thanks for sharing.