Being right

[queenie]

Short on sneezing, but the idea wouldn't leave my head.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He couldn’t open the door the normal way with his hands occupied, so Sherlock instead kicked the door open, too lazy to set the bags down first.

“Sherlock? That you?” John called as Sherlock strode into the kitchen. “About bloody time, I was ready to give you up for dead.” He shuffled in and brightened on noticing the bags. “You went for groceries? Ace, I’m starved and there isn’t so much as one mold-free biscuit in this entire flat.”

“I live to serve,” Sherlock deadpanned, emptying the bags of their contents and lining them up on the small patch of counter not taken up by laboratory equipment.

John’s brow furrowed as he watched the assembly of this odd collection of supplies. Tissues, Lemsips, decongestants, soup tins, juice, lozenges. “Holmes, for the last time, it was one bloody sneeze!” He growled in annoyance. “I am not ill!”

“On the contrary,” Sherlock smirked, “you most certainly are.”

John huffed.

“John, you work in a medical clinic. Exposure to contagion is something we can take for granted. It doesn’t take the world’s only consulting detective to figure that out.”

He waited a moment for John to confess, then pushed on.

“Three weeks ago, you got caught up in a particularly challenging case of mine. For several days, you lost sleep and neglected your work. The entirety of the following week you tried to catch up on work, which based on the diminished amount of change in the bowl by the front door and the change in the kind of crumbs on your clothes, you mainly accomplished by skipping lunch and making it up later with a bag of crisps from the vending machine. Judging from the wear on your belt, you’ve lately taken to wearing it two holes in from your usual position, so I’d guess you’ve lost anywhere from five to ten kilos. All of this would put your body in a weakened state, prime condition for disease.”

John rolled his eyes. “That’s all circumstantial. It doesn’t prove anything.”

“I’m not finished. Last week, you came home late from work every night. You were most likely held up by an overabundance of patients due to the fact that it’s prime flu season. The influenza virus has a two to five days, so if you had caught it from one of your patients you would have begun exhibiting symptoms sometime in the last three days. When you came home yesterday evening, you were covered in a sheen of sweat despite the fact that the average London temperature in January is four degrees. This indicates a slight fever, perhaps around thirty-eight degrees. Then came the sneeze which you insist is what this is all about.

“The mere fact of your being home at all was another sign. It was Friday evening, which you usually spend with Sarah, yet on this particular day you decided not to go out. Not feeling up to it perhaps? Or is she herself ill as well? You retired early without eating the dinner which is your custom, suggesting one or more of the following: loss of appetite, slight nausea, or severe exhaustion. The fact that this morning you were still in bed when I left for the store at ten confirms my suspicions that you are plagued by exhaustion, at least. You almost never sleep past eight.”

John cleared his throat. “You’re obsessing over me. We’ve got to find you a case to focus on if this is how you’re going to spend your time. It’s creepy.”

“This brings us to now. Your cheeks are flushed and you’ve got a slight shiver which you’re trying to disguise. Probably this is the reason you’ve got your bathrobe on over your pajamas despite its being nearly noon. You’ve been rubbing your head as thought it aches off and on since I walked in the door, and your voice is hoarse. Don’t think the throat-clearing has gone without notice either. Now sit down, you look as though you might faint any minute. Honestly, for a doctor you take abysmal care with yourself.”

John still had an argumentative look on his face, but thankfully he did as he was told.

Sherlock ripped off the top of the tissue box and pushed the tissues closer to John. “Here,” he said, not unkindly. “Your nose has been twitching for the last forty seconds or so.”

The sniffly doctor took a tissue and sneezed. Ehkaush! Heh-Ishaw! He got a new one and blew his now pinkish nose.

“Gesundheit.”

“Stuff it, Holmes,” John croaked, eyes watering, but not without a small, reluctant smile.

Sherlock turned away to hide his own smile. He did so love being right.

[LovelyLinda]

Cuuuute And so in character <3

Thank you so much for writing!

[count tiszula]

A brilliant [and funny] sneezy take on the Holmesian method! And top use of British idioms...[except, he would go to "the shops", not the store.]

[queenie]

Ahh, "shops"! I've been practicing Britspeak, but one always gets by me!

[sneezytwilight]

OMG!! I love it!! cant wait for more!!

[Butch]

queenie - Awesome! Love it. Is there more?

[queenie]

Well... currently there isn't more, and there isn't really a plan for more either. This is why: I do not want it to devolve into stroppy fluffy sneeze porn. I recognize that there is a place for this. But I wanted this story to be somewhat like something which could actually happen on the show, and while the extent to which I succeeded is debatable, I definitely don't want to give up striving for it. All sequel scenarios I've been able to come up with (excepting perhaps one? more details later if forthcoming) would definitely be a vast departure and I don't know how to reconcile that with what I've already written.

[Quite Contrary]

I love this! It's perfect just the way it is, the characters are spot on! Great little story, and funny too!

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Awww, Sherlock's adorable with his annoying cleverness. Poor John. Awesomely written! Could totally see that happening in the series.

[Vetinari]

Yes I very much enjoyed this as well.

[Hawkeye]

This is awesome - I just recently got into Sherlock and this is so in character! Well done. (:

[tma]

This was Brilliant! I could completely picture it, and I loved the interplay between the two.

I wish that there was more- but I completely understand and respect that wanting to keep characters in character (that's something that is a Huge priority for me when I write fanfic or original).

Anyway... completely wonderful- and the ending just made me grin and chuckle.

[fraggle]

Stunning, so perfectly in character. Wish there was more.