Schizofrenia

[cheetah]

Wow, I have no idea how I keep myself away from this place for so long...

I guess this would be a self-observation if it weren't so over-exaggerated. And yeah, I'm like that. Germaphobe fetishist...and I do have a minor panic attack when I get a cold.

_{and I act kinda schizophrenic like that.}

Oh, and you can probably catch on to this, but italics and normal mean one side and another. Apologies for lack of sneezing; to be honest, I just want to break the cycle of never-posting-anything-apart-from-Sonic-fan-stuff. And this extremely short piece was created.

Excuse my language and I hope you enjoy! _{feel free to take as much pleasure from my pain as you wish}

Schizofrenia

I slump back on the bed. The lumpy, cloth-covered springs dig into my back, uncomfortably familiar. With a shaky sigh, I bring a hand to rub the bridge of my somewhat-pink nose. The familiar bedroom and place isn't making this any worse.

I've got a fucking cold.

You know, I think when I get out of this country I'm going to have the strongest immune system in the universe. Ireland is any sneeze fetishist's haven, I tell you. Or perhaps it's just dear old CCS that seems to carry the largest amount of infected students in the history of mankind. Every winter class consists of sitting down and learning while a cacophony of sneezing, sniffling and coughing makes a comforting white noise. And it's easy to feel smug...as well as enjoy it.

And why I can't I enjoy it? Because of course, my brain feels it necessary to make me enjoy things as little as possible, and decided it would be much more fun to give me contagion paranoia as well as a cold fetish.

It'd be nice if my immune system chose a different time to fail, I think miserably, twisting over and sniffing. Perhaps when when I'm less hormonal.

Twisting my hair around my finger, I feel that oh-so-rare tickle of impending doom in my nose. My eyes half-close as I raise an arm...and it fades. Sighing huskily, I slump back down again. Well, this is just freaking brilliant. So happy. It doesn't help that I can actually go through my memory and identify the people who might have infected me.

And on the other hand, this is freaking sweet. Trapped in a state of constant health...at least now I can relish my own suffering instead of somebody else's'! Wow, this feels weird. I wonder if I can make myself sneeze?

As if obeying me, that familiar tingle starts again, and I'm disgusted at my own relishing of this.

"Hh-tschhhht!" I bring my elbow up and immediately it fades, just one blow afterwards. I shrug in disappointment and raise my eyes to the bedside table. The clock, my watch, the homework I probably won't do

and my hand sanitizer. I feel another twinge of disgust as I reach out for it, feeling more clean-freak than usual.

I grind my teeth as the tingle starts again almost immediately: whether it's in disgust or anticipation, I can't tell. It flares, and shut my eyes instinctively...then dies down slightly, still haunting me. I'm now suspended in an odd kung-fu pose, head tilted and arms raised slightly.

It's a bit like wind rather than fire. Dies down, picks up, dies. Picks up again. Being stuck in a about-to-sneeze-but-not-really loop is pretty frustrating. It's still there; having nothing else to focus on, it feels bigger than it is. Like it's trying to push out...actually, that's what it is doing. Pinpricks of annoying sickness poking at me from the inside. I try to breathe in and my nose responds with a reluctant gurgle, and roughly a micro-litre of air reaches my lungs.

There's a twinge and I raise my elbow, bury my head into the pit with a twist of self-humiliation.

"Hhhi-iscchhkt!"

This would be great if it weren't so damn

horrible.

[haeeshoo]

I liked the story !

(calling it schizophrenia is exaggerated though

I think most people experience love-hate from time to time -

also in different contexts.)

[Anonymouse]

I really really liked this. It was very creative, the way you had the part of yourself that was happy about being sick speak in italics. A lot of people have this dilemma (I know I do) but if you can help it just try not to dwell on the details, maybe you'll be able to enjoy it more.

Also, random little thing of mine as a psychologist, schizophrenia isn't the same thing as split personality. A lot of people have that misconception and I have this compulsion to correct them so sorry if that came off as rude. But you're seriously a good writer, I'd love to see more from you.

[cheetah]

Haeeshoo; Thanks! And yes, but 'Schizofrenia' looks better than 'Two rather spontaneous different points of opinion" as a title. XD

Anonymouse: Thank you ^^ And...well, oops.

[blackrose]

i can totally relate to this!