Separate boards for men and women?

[Anonymouse]

I think it's cool that we have the Youth Board and the Adult Board in addition to other boards that younger and older members can interact in together. Am I the only one who would like to see two extra boards for men only and women only? I speak pretty openly about adult subjects in the Adult Board and I end up getting PMs from guys who seem way too interested in what I have to say. At the same time though I don't feel like I should have to censor myself to avoid getting creepy messages. I'd like a place where women can talk about things without being embarrassed about how men will react.

If this isn't possible, or if people are fervently against it, then I totally understand. I just thought it wouldn't hurt to bring it up.

[Natto]

I agree with this. I would like to post more about certain things, but I'm extremely reluctant to because of the unwanted male attention it brings. I know a member who has stopped posting anything except for the occasional fic because the PMs she gets when she does make her uncomfortable. I definitely feel like I'll be harrassed if I actually discuss my fetish in any way...and that's what we're here for. I think there's a definite need for a female safe space here. I'm not sure whether the males on here feel they'd benefit from a male-only section, but I'm guessing they would.

[March Hare]

On one hand I think it's a very good idea. On the other hand I would become extremely curious about what was going on in the men's board and probably start plotting and scheming to worm my way in there as well...

[Kiwifruit]

I'd be all for it too; I'd be much more comfortable asking certain things or posting in particular topics if only other women could view it. It would be good if they had 18+ sections as well as open or under-18 ones. On the red board 18+ questions are primarily what the female board is used for anyway xD

Edited May 4, 2011 by Kiwifruit

[Vetinari]

On one hand I think it's a very good idea. On the other hand I would become extremely curious about what was going on in the men's board and probably start plotting and scheming to worm my way in there as well...

Well when I was a member of staff over on Red, I could see what the men were saying. I appreciate your frustrations but really I can assure you that any effort spent on worming would be largely wasted!

Edited May 4, 2011 by Vetinari

[Enkidom]

On one hand I think it's a very good idea. On the other hand I would become extremely curious about what was going on in the men's board and probably start plotting and scheming to worm my way in there as well...

Well when I was a member of staff over on Red, I could see what the men were saying. I appreciate your frustrations but really I can assure you that any effort spent on worming would be largely wasted!

On behalf of my gender I resent that! Some of us have some very interesting and relevant things to say - not me obviously, but some of us do!

[murphy dee]

Like I said before, yes yes YES!! Such an excellent idea.

It's a shame that some of our fellow female forumers feel like they can't participate in discussions for fear of being accosted.

[Vetinari]

On one hand I think it's a very good idea. On the other hand I would become extremely curious about what was going on in the men's board and probably start plotting and scheming to worm my way in there as well...

Well when I was a member of staff over on Red, I could see what the men were saying. I appreciate your frustrations but really I can assure you that any effort spent on worming would be largely wasted!

On behalf of my gender I resent that! Some of us have some very interesting and relevant things to say - not me obviously, but some of us do!

Oh now I would never deny that. But how many of the interesting conversations you have require that only men are present?

It could be worse. The women's area was all-too often full of menstruation discussion.

[Enkidom]

Something I will just say, as a member of staff, is that if you are getting unwelcome messages after ANY post that you make, PLEASE let a member of staff know as this is not something that we take lightly at all and we are generally happy to investigate. Particularly with the private boards, access is a privilege not a right.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Enkidom

[March Hare]

On one hand I think it's a very good idea. On the other hand I would become extremely curious about what was going on in the men's board and probably start plotting and scheming to worm my way in there as well...

Well when I was a member of staff over on Red, I could see what the men were saying. I appreciate your frustrations but really I can assure you that any effort spent on worming would be largely wasted!

Only because there are hardly any men there.

Still, I suppose you're right.

[Honkytonklagoon]

Hmmm, so the options so far seem to be separate gender forums where the women talk about their periods and the men don't talk about anything -- and the status quo, where women are sometimes/often inundated by male over-interest.

A third option, anyone?

[vote_for_pedro]

On one hand I think it's a very good idea. On the other hand I would become extremely curious about what was going on in the men's board and probably start plotting and scheming to worm my way in there as well...

Well when I was a member of staff over on Red, I could see what the men were saying. I appreciate your frustrations but really I can assure you that any effort spent on worming would be largely wasted!

Only because there are hardly any men there.

Still, I suppose you're right.

The last thread that was posted in was about... um, baseball? Or some kind of team sport. The kind of thing that could've just as easily been in Off Topic. Then it went for like over a year without any activity. Not the thread, the whole damn subforum. I don't think a greater number of men will lead to more interesting chit chat.

[Skiffy]

Hmmm, so the options so far seem to be separate gender forums where the women talk about their periods and the men don't talk about anything -- and the status quo, where women are sometimes/often inundated by male over-interest.

A third option, anyone?

Hmm...

Is there some anonymous way for people being made to feel uncomfortable to flag up another member for their behaviour? I know if I felt a wee bit threatened/put-off by an over-zealous guy, I probably wouldn't want to kick up a big fuss about it. But then, I guess if you can just tarnish someone's name without hanging around to explain/discuss the perceived problem, people might end up being punished unnecessarily...um...I don't know. I guess, as long as the single-gender discussion is kept to a minimum (I mean, as long as most discussion is still inclusive like it is now) then I don't think there would be a problem. But it would be a shame to exclude people from discussion who, if they could participate, would have been respectful and had insightful opinions and advice on the matter. Maybe forum guidelines could encourage people to put their threads in the main forums as much as possible. I don't know. I think I'm just mumbling to myself now.

[Raining Strawberry]

Hmmm, so the options so far seem to be separate gender forums where the women talk about their periods and the men don't talk about anything -- and the status quo, where women are sometimes/often inundated by male over-interest.

A third option, anyone?

Hmm...

Is there some anonymous way for people being made to feel uncomfortable to flag up another member for their behaviour? I know if I felt a wee bit threatened/put-off by an over-zealous guy, I probably wouldn't want to kick up a big fuss about it. But then, I guess if you can just tarnish someone's name without hanging around to explain/discuss the perceived problem, people might end up being punished unnecessarily...um...I don't know. I guess, as long as the single-gender discussion is kept to a minimum (I mean, as long as most discussion is still inclusive like it is now) then I don't think there would be a problem. But it would be a shame to exclude people from discussion who, if they could participate, would have been respectful and had insightful opinions and advice on the matter. Maybe forum guidelines could encourage people to put their threads in the main forums as much as possible. I don't know. I think I'm just mumbling to myself now.

I agree. It can be hard to tattle on someone who's making you uncomfortable, but honestly, look where we are to begin with. A fetish forum. Secret, for many of us. You've got to stick up for yourself and know that the staff will back you up.

And yeah, I think it'd be fine to have separate forums as long as the discussion is kept to gender-specific/sensitive topics. Even if I was garanteed that no man would ever make me feel uncomfortable, there are just some things... that you'd rather only discuss with those who also experience them. No offence intended to the other gender. I simply would rather not discuss my girl-stuff with guys in the convo.

[Nevyn]

I can't think of anything I'd want to say in a male only forum or any reason I'd use it, but if people want separate male/female forums then I see no reason to deny them. However if the only reason females want a separate forum is to escape unwanted attention from guys then we have a problem, and I'm not sure this is the best solution.

Perhaps we should all be reminded to check a person's profile before we pm them, and respect the preferences listed therein. Perhaps we could also add a field in the profile after "Sneezy discussion" for "18+ Discussion", or something like that. Just because a person posts in the Adult board, doesn't necessarily mean they want to be contacted privately on adult topics. At least this way if someone puts "No 18+ thanks" in their profile and then gets an inappropriate pm, they might feel more confident about reporting the sender.

[tma]

I know that it might seem a bit silly- but as others have mentioned, sometimes people (Mostly women) just feel comfortable discussing certain topics among a group of others of their gender.

Joel- from what I am understanding- what is proposed is just a Subforum- so there would be an Option of women or men posting items that they feel more comfortable discussing just with males or females.

I echo what Dom said about reporting any behavior or posts/etc that make you feel uncomfortable, The Staff is great!! Don't feel that it is "tattling". Honestly, I *Have* used the Report function in the past, because there were one or two posts that Really bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable- not for myself, but for other members of the forum and I felt that the posts were not appropriate. I wasn't demanding- just explained how I felt and the Staff were Brilliant and nice.

If you don't want to use the Report function- you can just im a Staff person that you feel comfortable with- just to get their opinion or let them know.

Also, I know that I am not on Staff- but I am *More* than willing to help anyone who feels like a message or situation with this board is uncomfortable. No judgements- I can just give you my personal perspective if you want, and offer support and what help that I can. If you feel unsure about bringing something directly to Staff right off, and feel comfortable shooting me a msg- by all means do so!! I love this community and although I'm not on Staff anymore I still care that this place is fun, safe, and comfortable for people.

[Pearlised]

I agree. It can be hard to tattle on someone who's making you uncomfortable, but honestly, look where we are to begin with. A fetish forum. Secret, for many of us. You've got to stick up for yourself and know that the staff will back you up.

And yeah, I think it'd be fine to have separate forums as long as the discussion is kept to gender-specific/sensitive topics. Even if I was garanteed that no man would ever make me feel uncomfortable, there are just some things... that you'd rather only discuss with those who also experience them. No offence intended to the other gender. I simply would rather not discuss my girl-stuff with guys in the convo.

I agree that there should be separate forums for 'gender sensitive' dicussion and it would come in very handy, but at the same time I can see the place getting clogged up with 'period talk' like thats all women talk about

[Enkidom]

As a matter of personal opinion, while I can see the reason for the request, there are very strong legal protection reasons for having an adult and youth board which aren't applicable for a women's and man's board. I am generally against excessive division of the community on the grounds of "where is the line drawn"? Eventually there could be private boards for every single subdivision of what is a very diverse community (gender based, orientation based, ethnicity based etc.), which would stifle discussion and become almost impossible to police (as, within reason, we try to ensure that appropriate staff to police appropriate sections - so an under 18 moderator for the youth board etc.). I completely sympathize with the reason for the request, but I also don't think that there is any necessity that could not be resolved by reporting harassment to the staff. It's one of the main reasons we do what we do - to protect members, and any complaints will be handled absolutely professionally.

[Anonymouse]

Eventually there could be private boards for every single subdivision of what is a very diverse community (gender based, orientation based, ethnicity based etc.), which would stifle discussion and become almost impossible to police

I started thinking about that after I started this topic. I agree that it would have the potential to get out of hand, plus I wouldn't want to segregate people and make more work for the admins.

Perhaps we should all be reminded to check a person's profile before we pm them, and respect the preferences listed therein. Perhaps we could also add a field in the profile after "Sneezy discussion" for "18+ Discussion", or something like that. Just because a person posts in the Adult board, doesn't necessarily mean they want to be contacted privately on adult topics. At least this way if someone puts "No 18+ thanks" in their profile and then gets an inappropriate pm, they might feel more confident about reporting the sender.

I like this idea. My 'Contact Me' is currently set to 'Unknown' because the only options were 'Yes,' 'Males only,' 'Females only,' and 'No.' I don't want to ostracize guys who might have something interesting to share with me by putting 'Females only,' because I do talk to some guys on here who respect my feelings about discussing adult matters and fetishy things in an 18+ context. But it's those few who don't that gave me this idea in the first place.

I will admit I refrained from reporting certain people because I didn't want to ruin anyone's reputation, in case I was just misinterpreting what they were saying. I didn't feel like I would be justified either, since my 'Contact Me' information is ambiguous, plus I speak so openly in the adult boards that I feel like I'm pretty much asking for it. My profile does indicate that I don't want any 18+ sneezy discussion, though sneezing is already sexual for me so I just feel like discussing it too much with any guy makes it 18+ by default. A guy can talk about his sneezes without it being explicitly sexual, but it still makes me uncomfortable because I know how it makes us all feel. I don't mind reading self-obs or whatever, but when someone PMs me to talk about their own sneezing one-on-one it kind of strips away the anonymity of it.

Also, I know that I am not on Staff- but I am *More* than willing to help anyone who feels like a message or situation with this board is uncomfortable. No judgements- I can just give you my personal perspective if you want, and offer support and what help that I can. If you feel unsure about bringing something directly to Staff right off, and feel comfortable shooting me a msg- by all means do so!! I love this community and although I'm not on Staff anymore I still care that this place is fun, safe, and comfortable for people.

Aw, thanks. This is why I love this forum, people actually look out for each other. I'll keep that in mind for next time - though hopefully there won't be a next time, because I'm about to change my 'Contact Me' to 'No' for now.

[haeeshoo]

but I also don't think that there is any necessity that could not be resolved by reporting harassment to the staff.

Shouldn't the first step simply be to reply to a PM and make it clear that you don't appreciate being approached like that?

Give the offender at least the chance to show his good intentions If that doesn't work you can still report to the staff.

As for a separate man's board - I'm not sure what you expect from it, but in my experience women talk A LOT more about

sex than men

[polychrome]

I don't feel like I need it. I've gotten few unsolicited messages from random guys and usually just ignore them. It doesn't really make a difference to me if I'm sharing personal info with male strangers or female strangers. I'm not opposed if there are enough women who prefer their own space.

[Nicole]

As a matter of personal opinion, while I can see the reason for the request, there are very strong legal protection reasons for having an adult and youth board which aren't applicable for a women's and man's board. I am generally against excessive division of the community on the grounds of "where is the line drawn"? Eventually there could be private boards for every single subdivision of what is a very diverse community (gender based, orientation based, ethnicity based etc.), which would stifle discussion and become almost impossible to police (as, within reason, we try to ensure that appropriate staff to police appropriate sections - so an under 18 moderator for the youth board etc.). I completely sympathize with the reason for the request, but I also don't think that there is any necessity that could not be resolved by reporting harassment to the staff. It's one of the main reasons we do what we do - to protect members, and any complaints will be handled absolutely professionally.

Agreed!!!

(BTW...Sorry I missed you today! Had a meeting after work that held me up. Boo! )

[count tiszula]

Here is another third way; just have a menstruation forum.

That way, women would be able to discuss things that only interest women, and men would know not to read things in which they have no interest. Moreover, as I understand it, menstruation , despite its obvious sexual content, is not regarded as being unsuitable for those under 18, so no problem there either.

But please no more exclusive sub-divisions; things are quite bad enough already. Infact, couldn't we re-integrate some of the existing ones?

[murphy dee]

Here is another third way; just have a menstruation forum.

That way, women would be able to discuss things that only interest women, and men would know not to read things in which they have no interest.

Women do talk about things other than periods when we're left to our own devices, y'know. I know I, for one, rarely talk about periods. When it happen every. single. month. of your life, it tends to become a stale topic pretty quick.

Anyway, the problem is that, yes, while we could have a non-locked forum set aside just for the womens, there are guys (however few and far between) who have an interest in reading that kind of stuff, and will read it and comment on it and/or send us PMs about it. And for some of us ladies, that kind of creeps us out.

[Vetinari]

Am I the only one who would like to see two extra boards for men only and women only? I speak pretty openly about adult subjects in the Adult Board and I end up getting PMs from guys who seem way too interested in what I have to say. At the same time though I don't feel like I should have to censor myself to avoid getting creepy messages. I'd like a place where women can talk about things without being embarrassed about how men will react.

Firstly, bear in mind that if there was a women's board, it wouldn't be an adult forum. I feel, as others have stated, that you should not have to censor yourself from speaking openly on the adult forum. If you are being sent creepy messages then it is much better that it is dealt with. We very much want people to feel safe here and able to post what they want without harrassment. If there are members who are causing problems by PMing people inappropriately, there are various actions we can take from just asking politely that it stops, removing their PM access, or even banning them from the forum if they are causing a serious problem. We do, however try very hard to ensure that each case is dealt with individually and that the action taken is appropriate for the offence.

Shouldn't the first step simply be to reply to a PM and make it clear that you don't appreciate being approached like that?

Give the offender at least the chance to show his good intentions If that doesn't work you can still report to the staff.

It is also possible to block any member from PMing you, if you wish to stop someone who is non-threatening but persistent. I know that pig wrote a discouraging message on her profile about this sort of thing. She tells me she it has worked rather well. And of course, anyone who is distressed can ask the staff for help. We do try very hard to keep things discreet, we try not to over-react, we try not to make things worse. And thanks very much tma for offering your assistance to members who would feel happier talking to someone non-staff as well.

I personally have no great desire to see another sub-division. When I have experienced this, most of the threads didn't interest me at all. I can remember telling a male member just the titles of the "Top ten" most recent posts in the ladies forum and I think seven of them were actually related to menstruation. Other than that, occasionally there were interesting discussion topics, that could just as easily have been posted in off-topic, which I found frustrating becasue I am interested in everyone's views, not just those of women. Very rarely there was a topic, asking for advice that was sensitive, however they were few and far between, and the advice could just have easily been sought in PMs to friends imo.

Edited May 5, 2011 by Vetinari