Crossover Crisis #2: Come Chameleon

[Pilgrim]

Continuation of this guy.

Couple Notes:

- Still doing titles after songs. Totally wrote this while marathoning Smile DK, cuz I'm awesome like that.

- Technically, if there was a specific "villain" from the soul caliber series, it would be Nightmare, but the real antagonistic force behind all the games is the Soul Edge itself, and all its pieces, and Charade is one of those pieces given life, soooo...yeah, that's why he's the villain from that game.

- Toads look like this

VS

“Princess! The monster has defeated both of them! Now I must really insist that we get you somewhere safe!” The Toad advisor tugged at princess Peach’s skirts insistently, trying to pull her up the stairs to one of the castle’s many saferooms. However, she refused to budge.

“Look at it…it’s not coming after me. It’s dragging them away.”

As she had surmised, the strange creature was intent on Mario and Luigi’s capture. It had grabbed both brothers and was stuffing them into a large burlap sack, not paying any attention to her or the many Toads scrambling around the castle.

“It’s not here for me, it’s come for them!” She clenched her fists. “I can’t leave them now. They’ve saved me so many times…Now I must do all I can to return the favor.” She whirled around to face her advisors, who were already halfway up the stairs. “What do we know about this thing? You were watching it fight them, what’s your analysis? Anything at all that might help us beat it?”

“Er, I, um…” They murmured uncertainly. The princess sighed.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to improvise.” She produced a frying pan and a golf club, holding each as though it were a sword of epic conquest, and charged forward at the freakish one-eyed monster that was retreating with the bag of brothers. As she brought the nine-iron club down on top of the piece that most appeared to be its head, it spun around and smacked her in the side of the head, stunning her. It then aimed two quick kicks at her legs, knocking them out from under her and sending her to the ground.

The advisors cringed as their princess was beaten, but one of them had begun stroking its beard contemplatively. “Wait a moment. That thing was able to perfectly counter every move the brothers made too, even without looking. Perhaps it has the ability to read its enemy’s movements before it makes them!”

Another was already heading up the stairs, frantically urging the others up the stairs motioning for the others to follow him. “All the more reason to get out of here! If that’s the case, then the thing is completely unbeatable!”

The third Toad advisor adjusted his glasses thoughtfully, “Well, not necessarily. If we could figure out a way to make its opponent’s actions unknown even to them, it wouldn’t be able to predict them. I’m not sure how we would do that, though.”

One of the Toads, a servant who worked in the kitchens, had been intently listening to the advisor’s conversation, and now was stuck by inspiration. As quickly as his little feet would carry him, he rushed to the banquet table that had been set up in the hall and grabbed a pepper shaker off of it. As the princess picked herself up and lifted her weapons to strike at the creature once again, the Toad unscrewed the top and tossed it over the princess’ head, showering her in the black spice.

“Etshhh! Etshhh! Tchh Tchh Etchh Tchhh Tchh Tcheeew! Heh-Tcheeew! Etcheeew!”

“Keep fighting princess! It’s part of the advisors’ plan!”

Peach ended up swinging her pan much earlier than she had expected as she was rocked forward by the force of her rapid-fire sneezes. As a result, the creature’s parry was too slow, and it ended up getting smacked head-on. Peach continued attacking it, each swing occurring earlier or later than she intended, landing just above or below where she aimed, as the steady stream of sneezes dictated her movements. The creature continued attempting to block

“It’s working! Quickly,” The Toad shouted to the other servants of the castle who were watching the battle. “Everyone find something that can make the princess sneeze! We have to help her win!”

The many Toads immediately scattered in all directions across the castle in search of materials to help the princess induce. Meanwhile, Peach continued sneezing and flailing wildly at the creature. It appeared to be incapable of even attempting a counterattack underneath the pressure from her flurry of blows. However, eventually she began tiring from keeping up the consistent assault, and to make matters worse, the itch in her nose was beginning to die down. Though her irritated nose was still rapidly twitching, the itch from the pepper was giving way to a burn, and the streams coming down from her eyes and nose were dousing both sensations.

“Hetcheew! Hetcheeww! Etchh-Cheew! Ehh-Cheew-Tcheew Ehhh, Hehhh-Ehh...…”

The break in her sneezing also lead to a break in her attack, and the monster took its chance. It grabbed both of the Peach’s weapons from out of her hands and tossed them aside, then delivered a kick to her midsection that sent her reeling backwards into the center of the grand hall. Through her overflowing eyes, she could only barely make out the creature’s movements, but it was clearly running forward for a follow-up attack.

Fortunately, at just that moment cavalry arrived. One of her advisors had secured a Super Mushroom and he hurled it at the princess, causing her to grow to a giant size. Meanwhile, several of her Toad servants had gathered up every pillow and mattress in the castle, and were holding them up over the banister of the second floor overlooking the hallway. One Toad, dressed as a ninja, ran across the railing while cutting through the bedding with a kunai knife, sending a blizzard of white feathers raining down on the hall. In her enlarged form, five times her regular size, many of them were easily inhaled through her nose. They fluttered and tickled sinuses already made sensitive from the pepper.

“HAH-HAHHHH-HATCHEEEW HA-HATCHEEEW! ATCHEEW AHHH-AH-ATCHEEEW! HATCHEEEWW AHHHH-CHEEEEWWW AH-AHH-AAAATCHHEEEWWW!!”

Her giant sneezes sent the monster, along with tables, chairs, and everything else in the great hall, flying across the room, slamming into each other and into walls. As her fit raged on it tore the room apart like a hurricane, and many of the Toads had to hold on to railings, doors, and anything else that was bolted to the ground to avoid being swept away. Finally, as the effects of the mushroom wore off, Peach returned to normal size, and so did her sneezes.

“Heh-Tcheew! I-is it…Hatcheew Atscheew Hah-Atcheew! Beaten y-yehhh-yet-CHEEEW!”

The Toads all turned their attention to the pile of rubble created by the storm of sneezes; broken furniture and castle decorations lay in a heap. Something stirred beneath the pile, however, and before long the monster burst out from underneath it, its many pieces twisting back into the appropriate places from where they had been dislocated from. As it climbed out from the wreckage, it picked up a curtain rod and hoisted it like a spear, running at the princess once more. She was still struggling to catch her breath from the massive fit she had just undergone, and had no chance of evading the creature’s charge.

“Princess! Take this!”

The Toad who had rallied them all at the start of the battle had arrived with a Fire Flower from the castle’s armory, and tossed it to Peach. She grabbed it, and immediately began squeezing it to blast fireballs out from its stigma at her attacker. It dodged each blast flawlessly, however, not even losing momentum as it continued it charge.

But before it could reach her, more Toads arrived to help. Another crew of them had shoved an entire shelf from the royal library all the way to the hall. They quickly aligned it with where Peach was standing, and another group of Toads came forward with a ladder that they propped at one end of the shelf. They all climbed up it, took a simultaneous deep breath, and blew a single huge cloud of dust off the ancient shelf directly at the princess. Its effect was instantaneous.

“Haaaaah-CHEEEEEWWW! Hacheew Hasheeew Haaah-Ahhh-Atcheew Etcheeew Tcheew Tcheew Ehhh-Hehhhh-SHEEEEWWW!! Etscheew! Heh-Tscheeww! Etcheeeww! Hehh-Eh-TCHEEW haaaah-Ahhh-Hatcheew Hasheeew Haaaa-Ahhhh-SHEEEWW!”

With each sneeze, Peach inadvertently fired off another fireball in a random direction. The many Toads scattered as fire was shot in all directions; some of it hitting tapestries, some setting the bookshelf ablaze, others catching scattered feathers on fire. The creature had no way to dodge these blasts, and so had to snake randomly on its path to her. It couldn’t avoid the fireballs forever, though, and eventually one caught it directly in its humongous eye. As the flames engulfed its entire centerpiece, burning it away, a shard of black stone with glowing red veins fell to the ground as the many other pieces fell lifelessly around it. As Peach struggled to regain control of herself, her sneezing still rocking her back and forth as she slumped to the ground exhausted, the Toads immediately began scurrying around to repair and clean up the damage done to the castle. The young servant who had started the battle walked forward and snatched up the stone. He approached Peach, who was pulling out a lacy pink handkerchief from a pocket of her dress and trying to stop sneezing long enough to blow her nose into it.

“Princess! This thing seems to be the source of the monster’s power! What do we do with it?”

“I…Atcheeew! D-don’t…Eshheew! Know. Just get r-rid…Hatcheeew Hah-Asheew Hah-Ah-Ahhhh-CHEEEW! Haaah…Hah. HATSHEEEW!”

The Toad bowed and scampered off to the nearest bathroom, where he promptly flushed the strange stone down a toilet. As it spiraled down into the castle’s plumbing, he almost thought he heard a quiet scream emanate from it, but ignored it and returned to aid the other Toads in the castle’s repairs.

How do you do the things you do / I'd really like to know

[Blah!?]

Excellent, as always! I don't think I ever would have thought of something like this. It makes a nice contrast with the usual situation of sneezing being a hindrance to our heroine.

I can't wait to see what wacky matchups you have in store for us!

[Zee]

You're my hero. Plain and simple.