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Only A Moron Would-...

Graham Cracked

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[[[Ok, I know I've been putting off the final chapter of my SJ fic for a few weeks...the main reason being...I'm addicted to Portal 2. :wub: I've beaten it about 4 times now and I love it everytime. Also, I'm working on a big comic project that is a bit of a side note for me. That's where a lot of my creative energy has been.

Anyway, back on topic here. The Human Wheatley I'm using was inspired by the drawings on deviantart, such as this and that. This style of HW is the best one I've found and, thanks ONCE AGAIN to a lil someone someone...*glares to Pirka once again*, I've come up with a short couple of chapters so far. I'll try not to have any spoilers, as this could be a little experiment GLaDOS pulls on Wheatley to see how he would be as a human...she has enough test subjects to put the life of a core in one...who says she wouldn't? xD No actual sneezing just yet, merely an introduction on how he becomes a human and such. So I'll call this the Prologue instead of Chapter One.]]]

The little silver sphere whirled through his typical railways, his light blue 'eye' scanning the slumbering test subjects. This was his job. Tending to the 'smelly' humans, or so he would call them. He never knew of human sensations, except what was simulated to the core's internal programming. He had his own form of pain, emotion and thought. He sighed as he continued looking up and down the endless amount of bodies kept in suspended animation.

"All these humans..." the core, Wheatley, spoke in a British accent. "...is she really going to test with all of them? I don't understand it! Just one human can live for 80 years worth of testing, why doesn't she just do that?" He continued muttering to himself, approaching a dark spot of the containment area. "Oh, brilliant...gotta go through the dark again...well, it's better than dying from the flashlight I guess..." he said with nerves in his voice.

His blue light of an eye narrowed as if he was squinting to see through the dark. He kept his watch on the test subjects, not realizing there was a fork in his rail. He hardly ever travelled this way, but he had been negligent on observing the ones in this area. But he stopped once he felt the point of the split, looking up to the two paths, wondering which way to take.

"I've never been down either of these paths...but if the Foreman wants me to take both of these, I might as well choose one now, and take the other one afterwards..." He then looked back and forth in both directions. "Let's see...ugh, I can't decide!! Ok, I'm gonna back up, look down and just go as fast as I can. Whichever way I go, that's...the way I'll go...ok..." he slowly backed up, the gears carrying him whirling him a few feet from the split. "Ok..." he sighed, looked straight down and nodded. "One...two...twoooo and a half..." he stalled, nervous on what he was doing. "Uhhhh...ok ok, THREE!!"

He whirled full speed ahead, the split directing him to the left. But he had gone too fast, now he couldn't stop! "Ok! I want to go at my own pace now, please!!"

He tried stopping, but it seemed like he was being pulled remotely. As hard as he tried to back up, only sparks would come from the rail's wheels.

"Help! HELP!! Core out of control!!" Wheatley shouted out to no one, his echoing voice being all that replied...at the moment. "Please! Stop this thing!!"

"Oh, would you just be quiet..." A deep, dark, female voice echoed afterwards in a menacing monotone.

"Huh? What?...Oh, is that you?!" Wheatley blinked around as he continued on in full speed.

"If it's me you're talking to, then yes...it's me." The woman's rather robotic voice answered vaguely. "I'm taking a very short break on testing right now and want to try a new experiment...do you see the test subject travelling next to you on the rail to the right?"

The core looked over with his blue eye and saw a cylinder containing a man's body in suspended animation. He had light brown hair and rectangular glasses in front of closed eyes.

"Yes, yes, I see him, but...what about him?"

"You'll see once you both get here..."

"Here? Here...where is here?" Wheatley asked, not getting a response. "Hello? Are you still there?"

"Well, it's about time..." The large, dangling robot spoke, holding the core with a red, crane-like hand, seemingly showing him around the laboratory.

"Where am I? Why did you disconnect me?! They told me I'd die if I disconnect myself like that!!"

"Oh, they only told you that to be obediant...you must be some sort of moron to believe that."

"'EY!! Don't call me a moron!" The core fumed while in the grip of the claw.

"Well, sorry, but through this experiment, you might just get dumber...that human over there was a failed test subject...one of the first ones in fact. I've been meaning to get rid of him, but then I thought of something." She spoke, bringing Wheatley close to the human for him to take a good look. "What if it was possible...that the soul of a core like yours could become the soul of a human?"

"WHAT?! Are you mad?! I don't want to be one of those smelly humans!! I'd rather be dead than wind up as one of them!!"

"Oh, well, the experiment was only supposed to be a test...and it would have been temporary to see how a core would respond to better understand our test subjects...but if you would rather be dead..." Once she finished speaking, the claw around Wheatley began to tighten.

"NO NO NO NO!! Never mind! Never mind! I'll do it. I love humans! I can't WAIT to be one!" Wheatley said in a panic to save himself.

"Oh, good!" The female robot said, the claw arm moving over to a core placement device directly on top of the cylinder of the human. "This test will run for a week, and then it'll be up to you whether or not you want to return to being a core or stay a human..."

The blue sphere was placed down on the transference device, a series of lights turning on straight down the tube. The liquid inside of the cylinder started to bubble as Wheatley started feeling unconscious, an odd feeling for a robot.

"A...A whole...w-week? I...I don't know if..."

"I'm sorry. There's no turning back now..." The dark woman's voice said. It was the last thing Wheatley heard as a core before complete darkness.

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...you can do both at the same time? xD

It was YOUR suggestion that started the gears in my mind! I should be bowing to your greatness whilst laughing maniacally. :DDD

Hopefully, this might catch on as well as my SJ one did. And don't worry, the final chapter of that will be up eventually. ^^

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OHGODYES!! I was just about to write some human Wheatley and then I come here and see this 8D ah it's perfection. So excited for the next bits.

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EEEEEE!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! OMG Wheatley. <3

Ok, ok I'll calm down..





... IT'S WHEATLEY !!! <3 <3 <3

*bows with Pirka and hands out popcorn as we wait for more*

ETA: iety you should write your story too. The more Wheatley the better!

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ETA: iety you should write your story too. The more Wheatley the better!

^ *agrees fully* :mellow:;):D :D :D

So this is gonna be the first official chapter, since that part was just supposed to be a little glimpse into how Wheatley becomes human. Just what GLaDOS has planned, I do not know...>>

Also, I don't know why I'm so attracted to writing sneezefics about those who have never experienced it before. The panicky emotion from the Twins seemed to start it up in my mind, where I love the first reactions. So, that was another bit of inspiration. Who else would've never experienced sneezing before? A robot. :D]]]

Chapter One: A New Vessel

Slowly, an odd buzzing sound emitted from all around him. Wheatley felt the liquid draining from the cylinder...Wheatley felt it. He never actually felt anything before, other than what was hardwired in the core's system. His two human eyes shot open and he bounded out of the tube in fright, scared to move anywhere. He felt his hands and knees hit the cold ground, skin against skin with his hands patting his face, the clothy clothes all over him, the strange tickle of the dangling, brown hair on his forehead, everything. Everything was new to him. He tested out his new vocal chords instantly.

"AAAAAAAHHHH~!!!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" He shouted, coiling up to try and become the sphere he was used to. He felt something being planted onto his back, then heard the voice of GLaDOS above him.

"Will you be quiet already...stay still. This will only hurt for a moment..." She said, before the thing on his back began to vibrate. Then, tiny needles from the device stuck into his back and dug into his spine, gripping onto him firmly. Wheatley felt every second of it.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" He screamed, his new eyes moistening up from the pain.

"There..." GLaDOS spoke, not giving a single care for Wheatley. "It's installed..."

The round device on his back was white with a blue Aperature Science logo, that began glowing faintly. It seemed to be signaling Wheatley to stand up, controlling his muscles and bones to make him get used to using them. It even released a pain relieving syrum that brought Wheatley to an ease.

"Ohhh...oh, man alive..." He muttered, tilting his head back and sighing happily. "Thank you...that...that was excruciating..."

"I know. I was getting sick of hearing you screaming...not that it wasn't a vital part of the test, but your screams are too annoying for me to tolerate." GLaDOS said, then explained the device she implanted onto him. "That disc is providing you with the normal knowledge of being human. You are now comfortable in that test subject's skin. It also works with your original memory and adds in the required information on how to be human. For example..." she looked over to the floor a few feet away from Wheatley and brought up a red testing button with a series of blue lights leading from the ground next to the button to a blue X on the wall above it. "...go walk over and push that button."

"Why? What's gonna happen afterwards?" Wheatley asked, unsure of her intentions.

"It'll help you not be a moron...now press it already..." she responded, irritated.

"I SAID, DON'T CALL ME A MORON!!" He growled low at her, then looked to the button. He thought about it for a moment, looking down to his new, long legs, draped in very light blue trousers. His human mind thought hard about how humans walked, and instantly, he began walking straight forward. "Whoa..." he gasped, pausing briefly. He stepped forward slowly, taking in the marvel of his first steps. "This isn't all too bad...why didn't they build me like a human?"

"Oh, there is a pair of human based robots that I use for testing, but this is different." She responded, then looked back to the button. "Now press the button already. You need to get used to all of your limbs."

Wheatley rolled his new, blue eyes at her, interested in the fact there were glass lenses in front of them. He decided not to bother with them and continued walking. He stopped in front of the button and looked to it for a moment. He thought of raising his right hand to press it, when, from the corner of his eye, his arm rose up straight, his elbow bent and his hand reached for the button, pressing it down and turning the blue lights to yellow, the X into a check.

"W-Wow..." he gasped once again, amazed and bringing both of his hands up to his face, looking at them. His skin was a bit pale but nice and smooth. With the new feeling of how it was to be a human, the muscles around his mouth formed a small smile. "This is amazing!" He shouted, excitedly, before running about the lobby, jumping about and trying everything he was able to do in his new vessel. GLaDOS merely watched as he danced about the lab, then stopped him by raising a glass plate from the ground right into his face, knocking him down. "'EY! What was that for?! I was having fun!"

"This experiment is not about you having 'fun'..." she said, opening the round door behind Wheatley. "...it's about finding out how a personality core responds to human stimuli. Unfortunately, you were the only one available."

"'Unfortunately'? Don't you have other options? Other cores? Anything?" Wheatley asked, beginning to gain a sense of curiosity.

"I'd rather not talk about that. Now, I've set up a series of rooms that is based off of environments humans experience on a daily bases. Each day this week, you'll go to a new environment. When the week is done, you'll come back here. That is the test. Good luck..."

"Wait wait wait, you mean I'm gonna be stuck in different rooms?! You're treating me like another one of your test subjects!!" Wheatley said, finally understanding it. However, GLaDOS had turned her 'back' to him. He stepped forward, inadvertantly stepping on another glass plate. "I'm talking to you!! Listen to me--AAAAHHH!!!" He shouted, stunned as the glass plate shot him into the dark room, the door closing quickly once he landed inside.

Wheatley felt around in the darkness with his hands, walking slowly with his legs. He seemed to think it was much easier to get around in the dark as a human instead of as a core. "Well, that's one good thing...so far..." he muttered, his new eyes adjusting to the darkness, making it that much easier for him. "But this whole pain thing about humans is aweful...also, dying...and aging...and...well, a lot more...but, I guess being able to see in the dark makes up for it..."

He continued feeling around the walls and rails, looking around, wondering just what GLaDOS meant by 'environments'. He had never been outside of the Aperature Science Laboratory, so he didn't know what humans did before they became test subjects.

Suddenly, he felt himself step down on a button, a series of yellow lights turning on, followed by a slow growing light that soon matched that of the sun. He squinted around at the rather large area he had found himself in. It looked like a vast, green field with actual breezes, growing grass and flowers, even a small apple and maple tree. The simulated sun above him was warm against his face. It soothed him. The pre-recorded chirping of birds echoed in the room. He looked around in a marvel, never knowing of this beauty before.

"This is..."

"Your first test chamber." The voice of GLaDOS sounded in his ear. He jumped at the sound of it and looked around, not noticing any speakers in the beautiful scenery. "I am speaking to you through the disc on your back. Just relax. This is how I'll monitor your physical and mental reactions to the seven chambers. You need to remember three vital things about a human that you need to do to continue on. You have to eat, you have to sleep and you have to not be a moron."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!!" Wheatley growled, reaching behind him and grabbing at the disc on his back.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you..." she said, noticing how he was about to try and rip it out of his spine. "...that would be you breaking the third rule."

"Ugh!! Well, what exactly am I supposed to eat?" Wheatley growled, looking around the field. "Is this green stuff edible?"

"Yes, if you want to act like a deer." She said with the tone of someone facepalming. "Or if you'd rather something of better sustainance, there is an apple tree just off to the distance. Once you start feeling hungry, take one of them. Or two. However many you want."

"How will I know when I'm hungry?"

"You'll know. It's a unique feeling, so I've learned. Most test subjects complain about it after the first week, then suddenly collapse and die. You won't be doing that...as long as you don't be a--"

"DON'T YOU CALL ME A MO--" He began to growl once again, but stopped suddenly, furrowing his eyebrows. He felt an odd sort of itch in the very center of his face. He brought a hand up and scratched beneath his unfamiliar nose, the feeling only growing as he tried to relieve it. His blue eyes watered as his breathing became uneven hitches. "Ihhhk...wh-what is thi--hiiii..." He tried breathing through his mouth to elude the feeling.

"Whatever's happening right now, let it...it's all part of the experiment..." the voice of GLaDOS spoke to him, almost in an impatient tone.

"B-But...this is...I-I...heee..." His eyes fluttered shut. One hand was held just in front of his face as if by instinct, as his other hand twitched into a fist as the feeling grew in his nose. "Heeee--gyaahh...uuuhhh..." The corners of his mouth twitched apart as his nostrils started to flare. "Iiiiihhh...I-I d-...d-don't know what's g-g-going o---heee..." A sudden chill shot up his spine, as if stimulated by the disc on his back. He felt a sting in his nose that brought him over the edge. "IIIIIIHH-GKUU!! Heee--III-SSHHUUU!! Ughh..." his head buzzed and he grasped it with his other hand, the fit seeming to ease up a bit.

"You seem to have an allergic reaction to the pollen of the flowers and trees. A typical human reaction for some. I expected as much from you." GLaDOS said in an observing tone.

"Wha-...What's tha-that supposed to me--meeee--HEEE-SHUU!!" Wheatley tried to speak with more building sneezes, his eyes streaming small tears. He wiped them away and sniffled harshly, rubbing beneath his nose. "D-Do...I r-really have to st-stay her all day?"

"I'm afraid so..." she responded with absolutely no sympathy in her voice. "...let the science begin."

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.... That. Was. Amazing!!!! :mellow:

What a perfect start! I'm loving this! can't wait for more!

*snuggles up next to sneezy Wheatley*

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Chapter Two: Adaptation

"O-Ok...ok...so, I c-can hardly breathe without g-going into a fit...what, is this t-torture?" Wheatley sniffled, sitting beneath the apple tree and resting his back against the trunk. GLaDOS' voice echoed from behind him once again.

"It's not torture, and it's not my fault the body I chose was so weak. He couldn't even complete a fully functional portal device." She said with a tiny sigh. "Oh well...he's your problem now."

"B-But why?! What are you ga-...g- IHHH-HHUU!!!" he sneezed, buckling forward and sending his glasses five feet across the field. "...oh, bloody brilliant...I can't s-see a thing now..." he began to blindly fish around the grass for the glasses.

As he searched, a patch of fluffy dandelions seemed to sprout almost instantly beneath his hands. When he passed over them, he sent the plooms of floating seeds into the air, a few small ones asailing his nostrils. He only felt the tickle of it once his glasses were in his grasp.

"Ihhhgya...oh, no no no no...nohh- heee..." he held his glasses in one hand and gripped at the bridge of his nose with his other, pinching his nostrils together. "D-D-Dis is n-nod fair...I-I ca--HAAA..." As he spoke, the same chill shot up his spine. This time, it forced his hand to release his nose and inhale deeply, the hairs of the dandelion seeds fluttering against his sinuses. "IIIIHH-GHUUU!! Heee-- HEE-HUUU!!! Ihhh...heeeee..." The tickle subsided into an itch, but still lingered, irritating him. "C-Can I...ihhh...c-can I g-go to the n-next ch-ch-chaaaa--HEEE-IHHUUU!!!...chamber y-yet?" Wheatley said, rubbing at his nose once again.

"No. You have to adapt to the chambers in order as it will be, one a day. You going to the next one this early would ruin the test." GLaDOS responded, the very slightest hint of a giggle was noted at the end of her sentence. Wheatley groaned and put his glasses back on, looking straight up to the tree. He then felt another odd feeling, this time in the center of his body. A weird vibrating with a growling noise added to it. He jumped at the sound, grasping at where it was coming from; his stomach.

"Wha-- What was that?!"

"That is your human hunger. I told you, it's vital that you eat at least one food item each day of testing." She said into his ear. "The apples above you are said to be delicious. But you're going to have to climb to get them."

"What? Climb up the tree? I tho-- HEE-KHUU!!" Wheatley sneezed, trying to stand up but feeling his head buzz as he did. "I thought y-you said this body was weak..."

"It is. But you shouldn't be. Look around to see if you can find any apples hanging low."

A click was heard on the disc, and Wheatley assumed it meant communications with GLaDOS was done for now. He rubbed his allergy tears out from his eyes and repositioned his glasses, sniffling as he looked at the tree.

"Let's see..." he started, keeping a finger beneath his nose to try and focus. "Low hanging apples...low...hanging...apples..." He circled the tree several times, repeating that over and over. He stopped once he realized he was acting ridiculous and sighed. "I guess...I do have to climb this..."

He looked over to a branch that was in arm's reach for him and jumped up for it. He grasped tightly at the wood and pulled himself up against it, his legs walking up the trunk of the tree. It took him a while, but once he threw one leg around the branch, he laughed in triumph.

"Ha! This body isn't so bad!" He smiled, looking forward and upside down at an apple that was hanging a short ways away from him. He narrowed his eyes, determined, as he heard his stomach growl once again. "Yes yes, I know, you're hungry! Hang on!...oh, I should be telling myself that..." he said, almost losing his grip as he fought with his stomach.

Carefully, he took a worm crawl upside down on the branch, inching his way to the apple. Once he felt like he was close enough, he stopped, keeping a tight grip with both legs and one arm, releasing the branch carefully with his other. He swallowed nervously as he began to reach out for the apple.

Suddenly, he heard a buzzing by his ear. It wasn't the familiar buzz that would usually sound from the disc on his back. It sounded like it was zooming back and forth by his face. He shook his head a bit to try and get the sound away, when he saw what was making the noise. A large, fuzzy bumblebee hovered around his face, it's wings struggling to support its massive body.

"What on Earth are you?" Wheatley said to the bee from the corner of his eye, his arm still reaching for the apple. "Something like you shouldn't even be flying...you're quite a fatty!"

Almost as if it felt insult, and knew of Wheatley's hardships as a human so far, the bumblebee hovered directly next to the tip of Wheatley's nose, its rapid wings batting against it. His eyes widened as he felt himself hitching, taking in a bit of the pollen that the bee collected on its body.

"N-No no...I-I...I'm sorr-...sorry...ple--- Heeee...s-s-stop tha--haaa..." He stammered, his fingertips just barely touching the apple. The bee, however, wasn't done. It landed on Wheatley's cheek and crawled over to his nostrils, lingering and walking slowly as if to tease him with its furry body.

"Oh-Oh god...Haaaa...Aaaaaahhh..." Wheatley felt the sneeze building. His grip on the tree was loosening, and the hand reaching for the apple shivered. As much as he tried not to, he couldn't help but sniffle, the feeling worsening tenfold. "Heeee--gyeeeeh...Iiiiiihh...HAAAA-- HAAAAAA...IIIIHHH--- HEEE-KHUUUUUU!!!" He sneezed loudly, his body instantly losing its grip on the tree and falling back onto the grass. "AAAGH!!! Uhh...b-bloody thi---hiiii---IIIHH-KUUUUU!!!"

Wheatley struggled to sit back up, looking to the tree, the bumblebee flying around and buzzing as if it was laughing at his dismay. Wheatley sighed and sniffled harshly, rubbing all about his nose.

But through his teary eyes, he saw a small, red sphere in the grass next to him. He rubbed the tears away to clear his vision and saw...the apple. The one he was reaching for. He managed to knock it down before he fell. Wheatley couldn't help it. He started laughing in spite of everything.

"Ahhhahahahahahaa...oh, man...ihhehehehee...oh, this is just brilliant...I really need to get used to all of this..." he sighed, grabbing the apple and taking a bite, savoring the first thing he had ever eaten with a smile.

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I totally lost it when Wheatley sneezed his glasses off, and then laughed so hard I CRIED when he called the bee a 'fatty'. HOW U SO 'MAZIN?

...and so in character toooo ;_;

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^ agree you got Wheatley's hummor perfect!

I so wish I was with him. <3 if I were GLaDOS I'd be savouring every moment of Wheatley's sneezeness!

You. Are. Awesome. Just sayin'. :mellow:

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I totally lost it when Wheatley sneezed his glasses off, and then laughed so hard I CRIED when he called the bee a 'fatty'. HOW U SO 'MAZIN?

...and so in character toooo ;_;

...I've never made anyone laugh to the point of tears before...:DDD *MAJORLY HAPPY~~*

^ agree you got Wheatley's hummor perfect!

I so wish I was with him. <3 if I were GLaDOS I'd be savouring every moment of Wheatley's sneezeness!

You. Are. Awesome. Just sayin'. :mellow:

>///< *modest mode*...I-I'm not that awesome...>///>

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[[[brief chapter today with no sneezes just yet, sorry!! I have a LOT to get done, and I wanted to make sure this story was kept up to date. I'll be sure to do up the next chapter later on today, and it'll be much better, I promise. :byewave::twisted:;) I WOULD call this part 1, but then that'll wind up making the story longer than I intended.]]]

Chapter Three: A Moron's Cold

Wheatley's first sleep was a restelss one. Mostly because of the fact he had to get used to human sleep, which wasn't just a simple shut down. He actually had to focus on sleeping. And in an area full of his allergines, sleep was even harder to come by for him. Each time he would find himself relaxed in a patch of grass, he would soon wind up in yet another sneezing fit just as he was about to fall asleep. So, once the simulated sun rose in his face, his darkened eyes squinted tiredly at it, his body tired and as reluctant as a teenager's.

"Come on, now. It's time to wake up." The voice of GLaDOS chimed in from the device on his back. "The door to the next chamber is right behind the apple tree."

Wheatley groaned as he slowly sat up, rubbing his tired eyes and yawning loudly.

"Wakin' up...means I actually slept last night..." he said tiredly, scratching his head.

"Oh, you didn't sleep?" She asked without sympathy. "Well, that might wind up altering the control results of the next room. You might have to run it twice in that case. Once now, and again when you're fully awake."

"Wh-Why don't y--Hhhheeeyaaaa..." Wheatley said, his voice caught between a yawn and a sneeze. "...nnnnhh...g-give me a room to sleep c-comfortably in?"

"You being comfortable is not part of the test. Hang on one moment..." she said with a sigh. The disc on Wheatley's back sent a sudden electric shock through his body.

"AAAAAAGGHHH!!!" He jumped up in pain, supporting his body against the tree.

"There. You're awake and revitalized. Now, go to the next chamber already." GLaDOS demanded before cutting off communications.

"What the-?! What was that for?!" Wheatley grumbled, stumbling up to the open door that led to another dark hallway. "Man...if I was her, I'd never put my test subjects through something like this...it's just cruelty!"

He stepped through the door, and it instantly shut behind him. Before he could take anymore steps, a flash of bright, blue light shot down in a bolt in front of him, followed by a deep growl of thunder. The shock of this sent him stumbling back.

"Stay there for a little while...I need to tell you about this chamber." GLaDOS' voice spoke with a bit of static.

"WH-WH-WH-WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" He stammered, looking into the still dark and thundering room nervously.

"This chamber is one where you'll experience your first taste of weather. In here is a simulated thunderstorm. You have to be careful in here. I can't talk to you, or else you'll get an even worse electric shock." She said, then lightened her tone. "However, I have provided an umbrella for you to keep dry. It's right next to you on the rail. All I can tell you is, keep dry. Although, I'm not sure about how much hope there is for you." She had a light giggle on her voice with her final sentence. "In Japan, it's said that even in the warmest of rain, only a moron can catch a cold from a storm."

"CUT IT OUT!!!" Wheatley growled, grabbing at the umbrella angrilly and looking at it with the series of flashing lights from the sky. He looked at the device, confused for a moment on how to use it. "Alright, this should be easy enough..."

He grabbed at the webbing of the umbrella and put the hook-like handle on the ground, stepping on it and pulling at the webbing, trying to open it up. As he was doing so, strong gusts of wind blew heavy rain into his face and clothes, his body starting to shiver as the rain seeped through.

"C-C-Come on, already..." Wheatley said, struggling with opening the umbrella incorrectly. "I-I-I've seen h-humans using th-these...it's s-supposed to look l-l-like this!"

What he hadn't realized was that he hadn't released the velcro strap, keeping the umbrella wrapped up and closed. He growled low and pulled at the webbing as hard as he could. Suddenly, the velcro gave way and the umbrella opened up violently, turning inside out. He grabbed at the handle and looked at it, tilting his head slightly.

"Odd...usually they don't look like this...well, at least I got it open." He smiled slightly, holding the broken umbrella over his head.

He started off into the test chamber, the umbrella failing at keeping him dry. The lightning stunned him everytime it shot down from the simulated clouds, the rain beginning to come down much stronger. And soon, the wind picked up faster and faster, head on into Wheatley's face. He shut his eyes and tried to keep a grip on the umbrella, but within seconds, the wind picked it right up from his grasp and sent it flying into the clouds, as if GLaDOS was stealing it from him.

"Wha-?! Oh, brilliant!! What was the p-p-point of giving me that bloody th-thing if I couldn't even ha-have it for the whole d-...deehh..." Wheatley shuttered, his body shivering in the buckets of cold rain coming down on him, as well as the gusts of wind blowing up into his clothes, going right against his skin. He fell to his knees, his arms wrapped around him and his teeth chattering. "H-H-H-Humans...d-d-do th-they r-r-r-r-r-really d-d-deal with th-th-this?"

He felt the irritatingly familiar feeling starting to build up once again in his sinuses. He sniffled harshley and rubbed beneath his nose, his tired, worn and cold body too weak to fight it off. His left brow twitched lightly, his breath hitching and nostrils flairing a bit.

"Iiiigh...iiiiiihhheee...heeee--..." Wheatley started off, but with a gust of wind hitting the side of his face, the sneeze subsided into a cough, his body still shivering. "Uuugh...th-thi--hhiiiii...thi-this...d-doesn't p-prove a-anythi--iiiihh..."

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Cute! I love where this is going. *hugs wet wheatley, and gets sneezed on in the process*

Can't wait for the next bit!

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Gahhh! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond! >_< You should put me in a test chamber for that...I even checked it at like 2 this afternoon, but I forgot to post!

GLaDOS is just bein' mean now. x'D Poor Wheatley...

My favourite part? Wheatley's epic umbrella fail. BECAUSE HE WOULD DO THAT.

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My favourite part? Wheatley's epic umbrella fail. BECAUSE HE WOULD DO THAT.


Chapter Four: A Fool's Denial

Thunder clapped over the shivering mess of a body that was once a robotic sphere. The young looking Wheatley looked up to the sky, the rain dripping from every corner of his face and strand of his hair. The wind blew into his clothing, giving the waterlogged cloth a cold feeling against his skin. He was unable to escape the weather. And the day had just started.

"Hegeeeee...itititititititititititiiiii..." Wheatley shivered, teeth chattering and eyes closed. He felt the nagging urge to sneeze at least once to relieve his sinuses, but each time he felt one build up, it would change into a cough as if that was the experiment GLaDOS was putting him through.

"H-H-H-H-H-H-Hey...l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lad-d-d-dy...c-c-c-could-d-d-d y-y-y-you m-m-m-m-m-make it w-w-warm-m-mer in h-h...Heeeee...--" He trembled, curling up tighter and trying to make some form of communication with GLaDOS, even with the risk of electricution from the rain.

Almost as if the room responded for her, in the way she would, the wind got...colder. The rain began to turn into tiny, hard flakes of ice. The wind sent the ice rain into his face and clothes, specifically down his collar and up his shirt, against the skin of his back and stomach.

"W-W-W-W-What is th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-this n-n-now?!" Wheatley said, curling up tighter. Big mistake. As his body scrunched forward more, the wind whipped up in a curved motion in his face, sending ice shards into his sinuses. The sharp cold stung against him and melted, the water dripping down his nasal cavity. His chattering teeth added in a vibration and he started hitching once again.

"Ughhhuuuhh....iiiihhhh..." he started panting, reaching around shakily to rub his nose, his body growing colder. "Iiiiiigh...heeee--..." He snivelled, accidentilly taking in more freezing air. "Iiiiiiiiihhhh...Heeeegyaaa...Heee-- kaugh! Kaugh kaugh!!" He coughed harshly, his throat beginning to get raspy. The sneeze subsided a bit and he looked up into the storm.

"Guh..." he muttered, congestion building a bit. "Dis...i-i-is nod fair...add dis is odley de segond day..." he snivelled, standing up and walking around, arms still wrapped around his body as he looked for somewhere to keep warm or dry, preferably both. He coughed a few more times before taking one hand and pressing the back of it to his forehead, then cheek. "Ugh..." he whined a bit, feeling his building fever. "Bloody huban body...gwy iz id zo weag?" He continued looking around, whipping his glasses with a finger to try and clear away some of the rain from it. "I gan'd eben zee...heeee--..."

His hand twitched in front of his face, shivering down in front of his nose and mouth. His hand was freezing, and the instant it made contact with his nose, it started twitching as well. He sniffled and coughed a bit, but the feeling finally grew in a steady pace. His shoulders rose and fell as his head tilted back a bit. His breath hitched unevenly, his chest expanding with each raspy breath. And soon, his eyes fluttered shut and his eyebrows twitched and tightened. The feeling in his sinuses nagged him, and he remained in the freezing rain, waiting for the sneeze to finally happen.

"Iiiigh...heee-heeeeeeee...IIIIIIHHH....hee...hheeeeghh..." Wheatley's nostrils flared as he just tried letting it happen, trying not to let it change into another cough. "Hhhhheeee...iiiiiiyeeeehhh...eeeeeeehhhh..."

He suddenly heard an odd, very faint cackling noise coming from the disc on his back, before a sudden tickling feeling in his sinuses pushed him over the edge.

"IHHHYEEEE-HUUUU!!! EEEEE-KHUUUU!!!! IIIIIHH...IHHHHHH-KCHUUUU!!! HEEEEK-CHOOOO!!!! EEEEYYYY-HUUUUU~!!! EHHH-HUU!! HEEEE-KCHOOO!!!" Wheatley went into a massive sneezing fit, his glasses automatically flying off, and now his tucked in blue tie flying out in a mess with his motions. His whole body was drenched, which didn't help the situation at all. "IIIIH-CHUUU!! Heeee...HEEE-KUUU!!! UUUGH-KUUU!!! EEEEEHHH....heee.....hee...iiihhh---IIIIHHHHHH-CHUUUUU!!!" He shivered, snivelling and rubbing his nose and coughing lightly. The rain continued hitting him full force.

He kept on looking around for a place to keep warm, his teeth chattering to the point he couldn't even speak to himself anymore. All he could do was sit on the ground, coiled up in the sphere form he greatly missed. He snivelled and coughed, feeling his human temperature rising the longer he stayed.

"....o, yo-...e som-...rt of moro-..." The staticy voice of GLaDOS spoke through his ear. "...ne, y-.......ve to go th-......at anym-...I'll st-.....or you..."

Wheatley didn't know what she was saying, but soon after she did, the cold wind seemed to calm...the icy rain seemed to slow down...and soon, a simulated sun began to shine through the gray clouds, the feel of its warmth greatly welcome against his skin. He smiled against it, but started coughing up again, snivelling harshley.

"D-...Dank gyu...d-dow gan gyu bake be veel bedder?" Wheatley asked, congested.

"Sorry, I can't understand you. Enjoy your stay there. The weather can be a little...iffy...but don't worry, you only have 18 hours left."

"E-Eiddeen?! Gwy?! I-I...I d--- HEEE-KHUUU!! IHHH-CHOO!!!!" Wheatley sneezed before he could continue complaining. He felt his head buzz and he stayed lying in the sun, his body still shivering from his 'moron's cold'.

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Oh my god. I'm so depressed it's Monday tomorrow, but this just cheered me write up.

I can imagine him. Wet in the sun trying to dry and sneezing every so often, coughing harshly. Feeling faint due to his fever....

I'll shutup before I go on a Wheatley tangent.

Anyway great work yet again! Can't wait for more! :P

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Oh my god. I'm so depressed it's Monday tomorrow, but this just cheered me write up.

I can imagine him. Wet in the sun trying to dry and sneezing every so often, coughing harshly. Feeling faint due to his fever....

I'll shutup before I go on a Wheatley tangent.

Anyway great work yet again! Can't wait for more! :D

Thank you again for commenting! ^^ Yeah, Mondays...I remember those painful mornings, and I have to reexperience them in September...But luckily, it's for a college for artists and writers, so that's a MAJOR plus! But...I'm gonna miss sleep greatly.

I was actually thinking of drawing out a few snipits of this story, the most of them coming from the past two chapters. I wanna draw him struggling with the umbrella, and then the curled up in the sun scene you pictured there. I just...I LOVE HIM!! And I love how there are SOOO many awesome human interpretations of him as well! Just goes to show you how amazingly popular this game, and his character got seemingly overnight. In fact...*goes to play it a 5TH time* :)

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.... dra...DRAW?! OMG you so should do that!

Good luck at art and writing college! Hope you have fun and do well! (although I already have seen your AMAZING talents)

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Gaaaah, I feel so bad for Wheatley right now. I just wanna give him a blanket and some tea... ;__;

GLaDOS you whore! >:D

(Hehe, jk, but still, poor Wheatley...)

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Wahhhhhhhh I'm loving this! I'm hoping this cold sticks around for other rooms as well :blushing: thanks for sharing!!! ;)

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Aww, this is so cute. Poor Wheatley... :) ... I mean... poor Wheatley *hugs and makes tea for* :innocent:

Can't wait to see what chamber GLaDOS has prepared for him next... ^^

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Chapter Five: The Part Where He Sneezes More

"Oh, hi. You made it through the night. Well done. Now, onto the next test."

The voice of GLaDOS rang in Wheatley's ear, waking him up slowly. The door to the next chamber opened in front of him as if it just appeared out of nowhere. His blue eyes were tired and dark. His nose and cheeks were red, where the rest of his face was pale. His hair was in a mess. And his blue tie had obvious stains of being blown into and swiped as if it was his handkerchief. His eyes blinked and he groaned, sitting up and coughing into his fist before rubbing beneath his nose.

"D-Do I reabby habe do go do dah negzt onde?" Wheatley asked, congested as he struggled to his feet, swaying with his spinning head. "Can'd dyu bage be beel bedder birskt?"

"I'm sorry, that's not part of the test. You falling ill is a human reaction to being in the cold weather, and this test is all about understanding human reactions to the environments they go through on a daily basis. Don't worry, only five more days of testing for you." She said, clicking off.

Wheatley whined a bit and sniffled, his head aching. He checked his fever with the back of his hand again, feeling it had gotten worse overnight. He grumbled low and walked through the door, his vision swimming in front of his rimmed eyes.

He slowly walked down the dark hall, his right foot finding a large button in his path. It lit up the chamber he would be staying in for that day, the sight of it making his eyes widen.

"Whad is dis plaze?" He asked, snivelling against the back of his hand. Aside from the lightbulbs along the corners of the chamber, it was quite dark. There were old shelves and book cases against the walls, a shag carpet that stretched the entire room and slow rotating ceiling fans. Wheatley's eyes had to take a moment to adjust to it all, finding this one of the more cozy chambers he had been in. "Dis is a desd gamber?" he asked to himself, chuckling a bit. "I didn'd ding gyu were gibbing be a breag..."

He smiled lightly, beginning to walk around the chamber, approaching the book cases curiously. He squinted at the nameless spines of most of the large ones, not sure of what he wanted to take a look at. He looked up and saw a light blue book, seemingly glowing faintly, as if it was beckoning him to read it. He couldn't see what it was, but he wanted to know.

"Zo, whad dow? Do I glib dis do?" He asked as if GLaDOS would answer. And in her way, she did. Suddenly, a rolling ladder sailed across the bookshelves to the right of him and stopped dead where the book was. Small dust particles fell from where it paused, but Wheatley took no mind. "Oh...uh...dank gyu!" He called out before starting to climb the ladder carefully.

As he started climbing, he heard an odd sort of rattling from the shelf to the right of him. He looked to it and saw what seemed to be a glass plate pushing against the back of it...as if GLaDOS was trying to--


--knock it over.

Wheatley almost fell back off of the ladder when the shelf made contact with the ground, a huge ploom of dust rising in its wake. The rubble of wood and scattered books made him cringe. He wanted to read them, but he continued on for the blue one that caught his eye. He stepped up one more bar and carefully grabbed the book, titled, 'Machiavelli'. He smiled and stepped back down, sitting on the carpet next to the crashed shelf. He was going to find the rest of the books in the mess, but he wanted to start with this one. He enjoyed this rather generous break, but wondered why GLaDOS crashed the shelf...

"Led'z zee...'Hadred iz gained az buchk by good worgs az by ebil.'...huh?" Wheatley read a quote out loud, congested and confused. He sniffled a bit, the dust cloud now moving closer to his face from the fans above him. "'Id iz buchh bore zecure do be feared dan do be lobed.'...I dob'd dink zo..."

As he continued reading, the dust cloud now began to linger in front of his face, tiny particles asailing his nostrils. GLaDOS unfortunately 'forgot' to mention that the body Wheatley was in was severely allergic to dust when he was alive.

"'Oned dho deceibes will always bind dose dho...d--hhhhhooo... a-allow d-d-demse--heee...helbes do be deceibed.'..." As he continued to try and read the quotes, he felt each particle take their effect on his allergies. He quickly removed his glasses to make sure he didn't lose them. This time, he knew he was in trouble.

"B-Ben are...so...so simble a-a-ahhhhh...heeeiii...*sniff*...and y-yield so-- r-r-reabily do dehhhh....heeee--....desires o-of de bobe-HEEEEE....nt dad he gho will drig will a-a-ahhhh....aaaaahhhh.......alwa---heeeee....ys f-f-find anoder dho will s-s...subber do be driged.' A-AA...Amb I b-b-beigg driged?" Wheatley thought, the feeling growing as something seemed to click in his mind.

"D-Dyu...a-are dorduring be...on burbous...de---heeee...ch-ch-chabbers are all b-b-baging be-----HEEEEEE---"

"So, the moron finally figured it out." GLaDOS' voice said with a chuckle, then set the glass plates beneath the shag carpet, the several shelves and the broken one next to him to start vibrating and shaking everything, the dust plooming out in great bursts. She set the fans on full blast, sending the dust down right to where Wheatley was. And finally, she made the disc on his back make sure he stayed still, his head arched back a bit and unable to breathe in through his mouth. His mind growled that he was not a moron, but he couldn't open his mouth. All he could do is breathe in through his nose, feeling his worst allergines floating into it. "Now the real test begins..."


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