somebody's mom took it to the next level...

[Saxxler2]

Anyone see the latest "savage love" column where someone's mom (probably one of our members)

Wrote in worried about their daughter's sneezing fetish?

Seems like spying on your kids got taken to the next level of "write a newspaper columnist about it"

Id post a link but I'm sure as hell not getting warned again, as the kid in question is young (despite there being nothing risque about the article)

[tma]

Well.... as a mother....

I've got to say that depending on the age of the child and the trustworthyness that the child has shown that keeping tabs might not be out of line. And maybe they wrote to a columnist because they were concerned but didn't want to over-react (I don't know- I didn't read the letter), and because they didn't know where else to ask.

There is a line between invading privacy and being a parent. (Not saying that she didn't over-react since I didn't read the letter)

I don't know how parents of young teens try to balance being a good parent- where they keep their child safe, but give them space, especially with the internet and technology present a host of new challenges.

[Saxxler2]

Well.... as a mother....

I've got to say that depending on the age of the child and the trustworthyness that the child has shown that keeping tabs might not be out of line. And maybe they wrote to a columnist because they were concerned but didn't want to over-react (I don't know- I didn't read the letter), and because they didn't know where else to ask.

There is a line between invading privacy and being a parent. (Not saying that she didn't over-react since I didn't read the letter)

I don't know how parents of young teens try to balance being a good parent- where they keep their child safe, but give them space, especially with the internet and technology present a host of new challenges.

This article was more along the lines of the mother assuming her daughter had heard

someone say the words "sneezing" and "fetish" together which had convinced her child

it was a real thing she should become interested in.

[polychrome]

I found the column you're talking about by googling the author and "sneeze fetish". I love his response, and the term "young kinkster"! It sounds like the mom is a little freaked out...but what mom really wants to think about the sex life of her 14 year old anyway?

[Sneezyhugsandkisses]

Yes, NIC, see a shrink—and a pot dealer/medical marijuana provider. —Dan

Amused....

THAT sucks though I feel bad for the girl...honestly its embarrassing to know your mom knows :/

[coffeepot]

I just read the column (which I'll link to here since there's no sexual content, and I don't think we have a rule that forbids the mere mention of under-18s), and instantly came here to see if anyone else on the boards had noticed it. Love his response, especially this bit: "your daughter is perfectly normal—a perfectly normal, perfectly kinky kid".

I do wonder if the girl in question is among us!

[Vetinari]

I think the mother is just somewhat freaked out by the fact that her daughter's interests aren't what she considers "normal". The mother grew up in a different age when there was no internet to look at, and most teens with a sneezing fixation would probably have kept the thoughts inside their heads (or possibly on pieces of paper, in the form of stories or artwork which would be well hidden). I had those thoughts sometimes as a teen but they stayed inside my head and would have been utterly invisible so my mother would never have had to face such a discovery.

What seems normal to us is shocking to her and really doesn't surprise me. If I hadn't found this site, and learned to think about fetishes differently, I would probably have been shocked if I had found my children had a fixation with leather, for example and I would have been worried that it might impact upon their lives in some negative way. Now I would just shrug and hope they were enjoying themselves but that open-mindedness is a learned response. I can't tell for sure from the letter whether this is a plea for more information or whether she has been berating her daughter and is looking for back-up .. I get the impression it's a plea for help on something she can't quite get her head around rather than the latter. I think his advice is spot on, I hope she takes it.

[NameTaken]

Ugh. I feel bad for that girl. I'd hate if any of my relatives somehow discovered my fetish. But then again, they probably wouldn't be so inconsiderate towards me that they would write in to an advice column.

What seems normal to us is shocking to her and really doesn't surprise me. If I hadn't found this site, and learned to think about fetishes differently, I would probably have been shocked if I had found my children had a fixation with leather, for example and I would have been worried that it might impact upon their lives in some negative way. Now I would just shrug and hope they were enjoying themselves but that open-mindedness is a learned response.

I agree. I'm open to pretty much any form of *safe/legal* fetishism, in the fact that if I discover one on the net, such as a balloon fetish or something, I'm completley fine with it. Doesn't even phase me.

Kind of makes me feel sad though, other people's responses to the word fetish or any mention of a fetish at all. Like my dad one time remarked that all fetishists are "perverted, sick-minded individuals."

Thanks dad.

[Quills & Wells]

I agree. I'm open to pretty much any form of *safe/legal* fetishism, in the fact that if I discover one on the net, such as a balloon fetish or something, I'm completley fine with it. Doesn't even phase me.

Kind of makes me feel sad though, other people's responses to the word fetish or any mention of a fetish at all. Like my dad one time remarked that all fetishists are "perverted, sick-minded individuals."

Thanks dad.

I'm the same way, other person's fetish is a part of them the same way that mine is a part of who I am. I don't feel like my fetish makes me wrong or perverted, just unique. I would die if anyone in my family found out, except maybe my sister. Writing it into a news column about it would be even worse. Knowing my family, they'd freak and be concerned that I have become a sick-minded pervert or satanic.

I mentioned something about having a fetish to hubby once and he couldn't handle that, so he doesn't even know

[tma]

Ok... I know that I am showing that I belong to the Dark Ages- (I SWEAR that isn't my daughter :P ), however...

While I agreed with the Majority of the advice given, I'm sorry but I don't agree with this.

In the meantime, WM, if it makes you uncomfortable to read what your daughter is reading online, stop reading it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She's 14 - and I don't think that it is a responsible position for a parent to take to just let a 14 year old do whatever they wish. It wouldn't necessarily be a matter of being an over-intrusive and control freak parent. It seems like being a good parent isn't about doing just what is comfortable and what makes you popular with your child at the moment.

Again... this might be just showing that I am an evil prudish *Adult* so... *cheeky grin*

[Vetinari]

I'm sorry but I don't agree with this.

You shouldn't be sorry, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing. I have always thought you must be a great mother and I don't think there is any single "correct" way to be.

You may think I'm naive and dumb but I allow my 14 year old to use his computer without any control. I guess I just trust him and believe that he is unlikely to get himself into anything too serious. I suppose I'm the opposite of an overprotective parent but I believe he needs to learn to take responsibility for himself and I feel that he is mature enough to use the freedom I give him responsibly. I hope I'm right.

[gryffin]

I totally love the reply... especially the end bit

In the meantime, WM, if it makes you uncomfortable to read what your daughter is reading online, stop reading it.

I mean, if she is simply a perfectly normal, perfectly kinky kid, and her specific kink does no harm to anyone including herself (or does it? ), I can conceive no better way of replying. Unless there is a strong reason to intervene, well, liberty is such a good thing... And I am sure that a sensible parent can ponder and judge whether her feeling uncomfortable is reasonable or not, and if not stop feeling uncomfortable about it? (Reason is underrated these days, I know, but there is something to be said for it! - and am I alone in thinking that writing to an advice column about it is possibly not the most reasonable response?)

[Maxx]

I believe she shouldnt bother, its none of her bussiness

[elements]

WOW! I thought the writer's response was spot on! VERY impressed!

[tma]

I believe she shouldnt bother, its none of her bussiness

Hmmm... really? That just is interesting to me.

I can totally respect a parent's decision that they trust their teen (who probably know better than most other people) completely online. And I know that the older that one's children become, the more that parents need to learn to let go.

But... I dont' know... is it truly horrible to try to protect your child? At what age does your child's choices and life become none of your business?

I think that it is a difficult time, being a teenager and young adult- trying to figure out who you are and assert your independence, and sometimes parents don't make it easier. On the other hand, being a parent can be difficult when you are trying to figure out how much space to gve but how to still protect.

[Vetinari]

But... I dont' know... is it truly horrible to try to protect your child? At what age does your child's choices and life become none of your business?

No it is natural to want to protect your child. I have been thinking about this and I suppose the truth is I tend to only set boundaries for my children when I see signs that boundaries are necessary. I don't feel, at the moment with the internet and that particular child that such protection is needed, hence no boundaries have been set. I think your child's choices and life become none of your business when they leave your home. I try to control their behaviour if I feel it is disrupting me or other family members in ways that are unacceptable, there are certain things that I will not allow my children to do, and certain rules I expect them to follow, for as long as they need or want to live under the roof and while we are providing for them.

Of course, part of the deal is that if they need help, they know they can come to me and trust me to be reasonable, which I think they still do, though I wouldn't expect them to come to me in every case. There are still lots of problems that, until recently I would still have taken to my mother .... and I have always felt that if I had a real problem, she would be there trying to help. I hope I can give the same thing to my children.

[tma]

But... I dont' know... is it truly horrible to try to protect your child? At what age does your child's choices and life become none of your business?

No it is natural to want to protect your child. I have been thinking about this and I suppose the truth is I tend to only set boundaries for my children when I see signs that boundaries are necessary. I don't feel, at the moment with the internet and that particular child that such protection is needed, hence no boundaries have been set. I think your child's choices and life become none of your business when they leave your home. I try to control their behaviour if I feel it is disrupting me or other family members in ways that are unacceptable, there are certain things that I will not allow my children to do, and certain rules I expect them to follow, for as long as they need or want to live under the roof and while we are providing for them.

Of course, part of the deal is that if they need help, they know they can come to me and trust me to be reasonable, which I think they still do, though I wouldn't expect them to come to me in every case. There are still lots of problems that, until recently I would still have taken to my mother .... and I have always felt that if I had a real problem, she would be there trying to help. I hope I can give the same thing to my children.

Thanks for this. I was caught in an existential "mommying" pondering with some of what certain comments brought up for me. My kidlets still have a few years- so hopefully when they are at that point in their lives, I will be at that point with my parenting. You reminded me of that.

I hope that when mine are at that stage that I can handle the balance of safety/boundaries and freedom/trust as well as you are.

[Anya]

Lord...the whole query makes me all kinds of uncomfortable...I hate the thought of either of my parents having possibly suspected (and God forbid sought advice about) my fetish. That poor girl.

[moonbeam_dancer]

It was actually this article that prompted me to finally register a username here (kind of been lurking for over a year, and I did have a username but i never used it and it got deleted), but someone beat me to the post before I was able to start posting. Funny enough, it was my boyfriend who directed me to this column, as it's one that I only read occasionally on my own. My boyfriend's initial reaction seemed to lean more towards, what the heck is this woman doing? But after reading it for myself, it seemed more like, she saw something, it worried her, but she wanted to get someone else's opinion first before freaking out at her daughter (okay, maybe a sex advice column isn't the place to go, but hey, maybe she liked both the anonymity and the fact that he frequently deals with some of the oddities of sexuality). I don't want to make any assumptions as to how she found out what her daughter was looking at online. I don't have kids myself, and I don't know how I will handle things like internet security when I finally do and, heaven help me, they become teenagers. But if she was able to suppress the initial urge to yell at her daughter over this, I'd say that maybe his advice will help her to realize that A) her daughter is growing up and developing her own sexuality and there is no harm here.

[tma]

Welcome moonbeam!

I'm so glad that this got to re-register and to actually post. *grins- now that we are "converting" you, you can never go back.... Mwahaha! :D * (am teasing)

Anyway- that was my inital reaction too... but you expressed it much more coherently.

I'm very thankful that I have friends that I would feel comfortable talking to about things that might be odd or judged by others.