Sneeze Dating (F)

[Cashewnut]

Quite recently, I treated myself to an alternative night out, care of the speed-dating scene. Whenever I'm between relationships, it's sometimes good to console oneself, and seek out some sexy lady sneezes, the best times of year being Summer, for hayfever, and almost any month over Autumn and Winter for colds. Personally, I favour the month of September, as certain women I have been acquainted with have often found themselves in that predicament of not knowing as to whether they have a cold, or the tail end of their hayfever!

I had a suspicion that it was going to be quite a sneezy evening, when I was fortunate enough to witness a quality sneeze from one of my co-workers in the late afternoon. A, as I shall call her only ever sneezes in singles, but they are sooooo wet and desperate sounding. I think A is about 40, and around 5'8" tall. She has a natural medium-dark complexion on her firm, slender body. I've never seen her smile, but she's not exactly miserable-looking either. A very subtle perma-pout gives her face an element of sexiness. A is very well spoken, although her voice has a slight nasal quality to it, possibly induced by a prominent (although by no means excessive) bump to the bridge of her nose. What I appreciate about A's appearance the most is her short cropped dark hair. Whenever her nose lets rip, she has nowhere to hide... Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!

Now that I've got that evil laugh out of my system, I can get back to the story!

So, I was walking through the fresh food department, where the blast of cold air from the fridges have been known to trigger many-a-sneeze. Who happened to be approaching from the opposite direction, but none other than A, and just as she turned round the corner, she appeared to begin to breathe a little deeper and more rapidly, her eyes clamped well and truly shut as her babe-like body pitched forward, as she squelched out a mouth-watering, high-velocity "HEHSCHYYYYYYEEEEOOOOOOOOewwww!" What made it unique however, is that instead of covering her face with a hand plus optional hankie / tissue pressing against the nose and mouth, she had already raised a hand a good six inches in front of her face, its fingers and thumb spread out at full span, as if she was prioritising her own personal vanity (i.e. to conceal her face in the absence of long hair) , over the personal hygiene of the general public. Whatever the reason, and regardless of the cause of the sneeze, I couldn't help but wonder just exactly how much spray had showered onto her hand, and how much of it had been released into the air.

Prior to going out that evening, I checked the pollen count forecast, and was disappointed to observe that it was only moderate. I made my way to the speed-dating venue by bus, and settled down into my seat, in a more sobre state of mind, watching the world go by. Approximately ten minutes into my journey, my daydreaming was interrupted by an abrupt, albeit feminine and only too welcome "AHHHH-SHOO!", much to the beckoning tingle of my sneezer senses! On the seat opposite me, one row up, was sat a pleasant looking young lady, probably about twenty years of age. She was dressed quite smartly in dark sensible clothing - probably an office worker. She had a creamy-white complexion, and her hair was tied back in a simple ponytail, which suits me, as I could get quite a good look at her baby face, including the all-important nose.

This girl had one of the most incredibly shaped lower nose / pair of nostrils I have ever seen! The latter were quite (but not exceptionally) wide, a feature which was flatteringly enhanced by the base of the bridge (or lower "stem" immediately above the nostrils?) which had a distinctive "pinched" look about it. Combined with a gentle upward curve to the tip of her nose, and she definitely had nailed the pig-nose look, but in a cute kind of way. Needless to say, I was absolutely delighted when she delivered a wetter, more girly follow-up sneeze from her adorable little snout: "Huh...sheeeeeyoo!" By now, my sneezer senses weren't just tingling, but rather wired up to a virtual electric shock machine! As I "unavoidably observed" (i.e. drooled ) over my eye and ear candy, I couldn't help but notice how she looked upwards, pointing her snoutilicious hooter towards the roof of the bus, as the tip of it rose up a few centimetres, gently swaying from side-to-side (with the rhythm and rocking of the bus suspension) like a charmed snake! I was wondering if she had come up for air, or was seeking out a light source with which to coax out some more sneezes. She did have a troubled sneezy look to her pretty face, as her eyes seemed quite narrow, whilst her lips rested slightly apart. Monitoring the situation for another ten minutes, I was beginning to lose hope, when I finally heard what sounded to be a stifle: "Hmmmptch!" Looking up, I was disappointed to learn that it was actually a laugh that she was supressing, as she did it again, whilst reading a text message on her mobile 'phone. Boooooooo! On the bright side however, at least she hadn't stifled her sneezes, and one wonders if she had any latent stifling ability - it might just partly explain her snexy snout.

And so... on to the main event of the evening, the speed dating!

Having been on one of these things before during the Summer months, I knew that the probability of encountering someone with allergies was quite high, and this night was no exception. I was enjoying my two minutes or so with one particular lady, when I was so "rudely" (i.e. welcomely) interrupted by her having a brief sneeze attack! But first we must have the obligatory physical description! C, as I shall call her was of a cuddly (but not overweight) build. She had a beautiful pair of well defined dark eyes, and straight jet black hair which came down to the chin, complemented by a lovely bright smile, which contrasted with the darkness of her skin. So, as she was answering one of my questions, you can imagine my dilemma when she momentarily paused, her wide nostrils flexing as a warning sign to the inevitable "HATCHEW!"

"Bless you!" I exclaimed, trying not to show how much I was enjoying her "company" (i.e. sneeze). Before she could acknowledge my blessing, she sneezed once more, this time a little more sharply and slightly higher pitched, a bit like the popping cork from a bottle of champagne: "H'P...CHOOP!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry", she purred, in her seductive soft voice, "It's not you I'm allergic to!"

"Hayfever?" I asked, feigning naivety, when I was really thinking that I would have no problems whatsoever in the unlikely event that she did prove to be allergic to me. Sounded like a match made in Heaven, in my mad warped scheme of things. But as C was about to reply, her nose queue-jumped her vocal chords again, firing out a tuneful "ASHHH-ew!", the second part of the sneeze being of a higher, more feminine note than the first. As she caught the sneeze in her right hand, the organiser's whistle blew, and so I reluctantly vaccated her table, convinced that I was in love (for the third time that day!!!!) Needless to say, C got my tick.

There were no other sneezers that night, although there was one other lady with potential nose issues. Very briefly, she had a pinball smile, long dark wavy hair... and a slight tint of red just below the nostrils, indicative of recent blowing activity. There was also a used scrunched-up tissue set on the table to her side, and intellectual curiosity got the better of me as I pondered the possibilities of her having already sneezed or blown into it. Well, I didn't like to ask, that would have been plain just creepy, and so I had no choice but to tick her as well!

And so, for those of you who care (where's everybody gone?! LOL) did I get any sneezy matches? Sadly not! Did I get any non-sneezy matches? Yup, you've guessed it, none whatsoever! I least I had a sneezy night out on pollen patrol, so it's not all bad...

As is tradition with many of my obs, I'd like to close with a final thought, insofaras the speed date sneezing gives me an idea. How about sneeze dating? Participants would need to be prepared to induce themselves, and be induced by their dates, with conversation being restricted to all things sneezy! There's just one little problem, in that sneeze-fetishism strikes me as pretty much an underground movement. Who in their right minds would organise a sneeze-dating event, without repercussions towards and speculation about their good character and private life in the "normal" everyday world? And more's to the point, who would be brave enough to join in?

Hope you enjoyed / That's All Folks!

[NoV]

Wow! That was a pretty epic obs. Especially liked the one from your co-worker! Not quite sure I could cope with sneeze-dating though... ...although I suspect that someone would be up for it

[Leopold]

You lucked out on the assortment of ladies participating in said event, it seems...

[GrandHyatt28]

very well written