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I Don't Need a Nurse


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Ever go through a phase where the fetish sort of takes over your brain? :) I'm in the midst of one of those phases right now and decided to put it to work. So here's part one of a story that will have...I don't know...a couple sections probably. It's a Criminal Minds (which I do not own) story in which Derek catches a cold and Penelope takes care of him. Enjoy...

“Did you know that the average person takes seven to ten days to recover from most strains of rhinovirus?” Spencer Reid asked without looking up from his keyboard.

“What?” Derek asked.

“It takes seven to ten days for most people to get over a cold.”

Hhihhngxt!! Derek sneezed into the bend of his arm.

“Bless you,” Reid said.

“So you’re saying I’ve got another four to seven days of this?” Derek asked.

“Could be longer depending on the strain. It’s not uncommon for it to take fourteen days or longer.” Morgan glared at him. “Of course, sometimes it shorter,” Reid said quickly. “You’re young and in good shape so you could recover faster. On the other hand, it would probably take a particularly strong virus to overpower your immune system so the opposite could also prove to be true.”

“Reid? Could you stop talking?” Morgan asked.

“Sure? You got a headache?” he asked.

HehhINGXT!! sniff. “Yeah. I’ve got a headache.”

It wasn’t a complete lie; he did have a headache but he really just couldn’t listen to Reid talk about the possibility of having to suffer through this cold for another week or more. He’d woken up with a sore throat a few days ago which progressed to a runny nose, which by today seemed to be turning into frequent sneezing and total exhaustion. He sniffed hard and went back to his paperwork.

Meanwhile, Hotch had just finished a phone call with Strauss when Rossi knocked on his door.

“Guessing by the scowl on your face, you’ve just had a run in with Erin,” he said and sat down across from Hotch.

“That obvious, huh?”

“She has that effect on people. So what do you think about this case in Seattle?” Local police had asked for the BAU to determine if a series of homicides could be the work of a serial killer.

“I think it’s definitely the same unsub.”

“So do I. Want me to round up the team?”


“No?” Dave asked.

“No. That’s what I was on the phone with Strauss about. We’re not taking the case. She’s got to send another team,” Hotch said. “Morgan’s sick and I don’t want to haul him all the way out there and have him end up in the hospital because he catches pneumonia chasing down a suspect.” Rossi nodded. Hotch had a reputation for being rigid but, at the end of the day, the health and wellbeing of his team came first. Always. “In fact, I’m going to send him home early,” Hotch said and dialed Derek’s extension. “Morgan, can I talk to you for a moment?” Rossi got up from his chair.

“Good luck,” he said, knowing the younger agent would be reluctant to take a sick day.

“Dave? Could you go get Penelope and tell her I’d like to see her?”

“Afraid you can’t handle it on your own?” Rossi asked with a smirk.

“Never hurts to have backup,” Hotch said. A few minutes later, a tired looking Derek Morgan came into Hotch’s office. “Morgan. Close the door and have a seat,” Hotch said and gestured to the sofa in the back of his office. Morgan sat down on the couch and sighed. He wasn’t sure what Hotch wanted him for, but a closed door meeting at two in the afternoon probably wasn’t a good thing. Hotch sat down in the chair across from him and looked Morgan over; he really didn’t look well and he was convinced he was making the right call.

“What’s on your mind, Hotch?”

“I’d like you to take a couple days off.”

“What? Why?” Morgan asked, immediately on the defensive but before Hotch had a chance to answer, Derek had to pinch his nose shut and stifle a congested sneeze. NGxcht!!

“Bless you. You’re sick. I want you to take a few days off.”

“Hodch, I’b a little under the weather bud I’m fide.” Aaron resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Morgan turned his head and half stifled a Ahhngxchoo! Instead he pulled his handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and held it out to his agent. Morgan shook his head and muttered something about being “fide” when he was overcome with a sneeze that was far too strong to be stifled. He caught the wet AhhhNGXTSCHH!! in his hands. When he opened his eyes he saw Hotch was still holding the handkerchief out towards him. He reluctantly took it and blew his nose.

“Bless you,” Aaron said with a frown.

“Thank you. It’s just a cold, Hotch. I can still work.”

“Morgan, I’ve already approved you for three days sick leave and told Strauss she’s got to send another team to Seattle.”

“But Hotch—”

“I’m not comfortable putting the team in the field with you at less than full strength. Not only are you integral to the profiling process, you’re the run-and-tackle guy and frankly you don’t look like you’re up for much more than laying on the couch.” Derek opened his mouth to argue but was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. “Come in,” Hocth called. The door opened and a technicolor Penelope Garcia came into the office.

“You wanted to see me sir?”

“I did. Take a seat with Morgan, please.”

“Hey handsome,” she said as she sat down next to him. “This cold still getting the better of you?”

“No,” Morgan said.

“Yes it is,” Hotch corrected. “Garcia, I was just explaining to Morgan that he’s going to be taking three days sick leave and that the team is on stand-down until he’s better.”

“Good call, boss man.”

“No it’s not.”

“Hush,” Garcia said. “Nobody asked your opinion, hotness.” Aaron tried not to smile as Morgan crossed his arms and scowled but did as she said.

“Garcia, I was wondering if you’d agree to taking the rest of the day off and making sure Derek has everything he needs.”

“Of course,” she said brightly.

“I don’t need a nurse,” Morgan argued.

“What did I say about talking?” she asked. “Just sit there and be eye candy.”

“Good. It’s settled then,” Hotch said and stood up.


“Morgan, it’s not a request. Go home. Get some sleep. I don’t want to see you back in this office until you’re healthy.” He knew Morgan wouldn’t defy a direct order even though he wanted to. At the moment, however, all Morgan could do was scramble to get Hotch’s handkerchief back up to cover his nose and mouth before sneezing a violent Ahhktschhew!! AhhNKGTCHSHHEW!! that made him bend at the waist.

“Bless you,” Hotch and Garcia said at the same time.

“Come on,” Penelope said. “I’m taking you home.” Derek hauled himself off the sofa and followed her out of their boss’ office. Once they’d made it back to the bullpen, Derek grabbed his bag and said,

“Baby girl, I appreciate the offer and Hotch’s concern but I can get myself home.”

“Are you saying you don’t want Nurse Garcia to tuck you into bed and make sure you’re all warm and cozy?” she asked with a devilish smile.

“Nurse Garcia, huh? Do you have a uniform?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” She winked before turning serious again. “Come on, my sniffly chocolate Adonis. We’re outta here.”

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Awww, Morgan and Garcia and my faves on this show and I'm really loving this.

You've got everyone's character voices down so well.

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Ooooh your characterization has got me rofling! I love this start, can't wait until you continue! :D Thanks for sharing ^_^

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I don't know Criminal Minds,

but this is very cute so far ;)

I'd love to read more! :wub:

Tehe, and I loved that part:

"This cold still getting the better of you?”

“No,” Morgan said.

“Yes it is,” Hotch corrected

Awesome!! :lmfao:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ohhh, I like the Morgan/ Garcia interaction! A I loooooove how Hotch used Garcia as a backup - good thinking!

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  • 1 month later...

Hi all! Sorry I've been out of it for a while--drama in my real life :). Anyway, I'd like to try and finish this story up in the next couple weeks. Here's another short little section. Enjoy!

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” She winked before turning serious again. “Come on, my sniffly chocolate Adonis. We’re outta here.”

When they got to the parking garage she held out her hand.

“Give me your keys,” she said.


“Because I’m driving you home and we can’t take Esther; I doubt a ride in a convertible would be good for you.”

“Baby girl—”

“Do not argue with me. We both know I’m going to win so just save your energy.” He sighed and handed her his keys and dropped into the passenger seat. “Good boy,” she said and buckled her seatbelt. “Now you just rest your little head and I’ll have you home in a jiffy.” She wasn’t even out off FBI property before the sound of his congested snoring filled the car. Garcia frowned—Derek hardly ever got sick and if he did it was usually just a 24 hour bug. On her way to his house she stopped at the drug store and left the car running while she went inside to grab a few things. He stirred when she opened the door and put a couple plastic bags in the back seat but didn’t completely wake up. Once she pulled into his driveway she leaned over and rubbed his arm. “Come on, handsome. We’re home.” He groaned and turned away from her. “I know it sucks but you can go back to sleep once you get inside.” That seemed to motivate him enough to get out of the car and trudge towards the house. “Go change and I’ll meet you on the couch in five,” she said and went into the kitchen.

She put water on the stove to boil and then put away the things she bought at the drugstore. Orange juice went in the refrigerator, popsicles to the freezer, tissues and cold medicine on the coffee table by the sofa, and tea in the two mugs she got down from the cabinet. As soon as the tea was ready she fixed one for each of them and went into the living room and looked through his DVD collection to try and find something appropriate for a sick day. She could hear Derek in the bedroom coughing. Garcia knocked on the bedroom door.

“You okay in there?” She asked. He opened the door still coughing into one hand. “Aww, sugar,” she cooed and rubbed his back until he was finally able to take a deep breath. “Come on. I’ve transformed your couch into your own personal recovery unit.” When Derek came into the living room and saw how well she’d set everything up he couldn’t help but reach over and wrap an arm around her shoulders.

“You are too good to me,” he said.

“Nope, just good enough. Now take those pills and prepare yourself for some POTC.”

“Is that like the Penelope Garcia version of TLC?”

“Uh, try Pirates of the Caribbean.” she said and started the movie before settling in next to Derek. They were barely through the opening credits when he grabbed the box of tissues off the table and held a fistful up in front of his nose and mouth. His breath hitched twice but the sneeze was stuck. He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees, keeping the tissues in front of his face. Ahh…Hahh Hahh AHHHNGTSCHHEW!! He stayed frozen in that position as he could feel another sneeze lurking. Ahhktschhew!! AhhNKGTCHSHHEW!! Hah Ahh Ahhngtchht!! xtchhshh!! He blew his nose and flopped back against the sofa.

“Oh, bless you sugar,” she said. Garcia reached over and pressed her hand against his forehead. “You’re warm.”

“Aw, Baby girl you know I’m hot.” He tried to grin at her but his expression faltered and he snapped forward and caught a strained Ngkticheew!! in his hands. Garcia handed him several tissues and said,

“Yes, my love. You are smoking hot. Now why don’t you rest that gorgeous, though horribly congested, head on my lap and rest while I continue ogling Johnny Depp.” She pulled a blanket off the back on the couch and patted the pillow covering her legs. Derek complied and laid down, keeping the box of tissues within arm’s reach. Garcia shook the blanket out and spread it over as much of his long frame as it would cover. Once he was settled she began slowly running her fingers over his head. She thought he was asleep when he opened his eyes and said,

“You don’t think Johnny Depp is better looking than I am, do you?”

“Perish the thought! How could anyone be better looking than you?”

“Just checking.”

“Go to sleep now,” she said and rubbed his arm. Derek slept through the whole movie. Occasionally he’d swipe at his nose or cough slightly but he soon settled back down. After Captain Jack had made his final daring escape and the end credits began to roll, she started to slowly wake him up. "Come on, my love. Time to wake up." She felt him start to stir. "That's a good boy," she said. "If you wake up I might even give you a treat." Derek slowly sat up and looked at her with bleary eyes.

"Are you talking to me like a dog?"

"Worked didn't it?" she asked with a wink and went into the kitchen. Ahhngtchht!! xtchhshh!! AhhNKGTCHSHHEW!! “Bless you!” she called out. Garcia came back with a popsicle in each hand just as he finished blowing his nose. "For you," she said and handed him one before sitting back down on the sofa. The cold sensation felt so good against his hot, scratchy throat. Derek took a bit and let it slowly melt in his mouth before swallowing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a popsicle. "Good, huh?" she asked.

"Great. Thank you, baby girl." He smiled as he watched her enjoy her frozen treat as well. She ran her tongue around the popsicle and licked up the places that were threatening to drip down her hand. She caught his eye and grinned.

"You're thinking dirty thoughts, aren't you?" she asked.


"Yes you."

“Maybe, but it’s your fault.”

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Shemar Moore with a cold OH MY SWEET JESUS



mmmmmmm his smokin'


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Aww, thanks guys!!! B-P

There is a conclusion coming...when it occurs to me...seems to be taking its sweet time. One of these days though I promise.

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  • 4 years later...

Love love LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!! I love Criminal Minds and omg Morgan with a cold hhhhaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh I can't take this!

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