Dealing with those who feel differently

[brokensneeze]

I recently met a girl who is probably the sneeziest I've ever known. There is a chance that I may wind up in some sort of non-platonic relationship of some form with her in the future. The thing is, all she has said about her sneezes to other people when I've been around have been negative things, i.e. uncomfortable situations she has gotten into because of her allergies. It's not like it's horrible or anything--she is definitely less allergic around where I live than she was where she grew up, and she didn't mention any serious medical emergencies she's had or anything like that.

Anyway, I wasn't born with an interest in sneezing like you guys were, but I've kind of "picked it up" since I've known about it. It's not as if I'm blaming this forum at all--it's more to do with my brain's great tendency to sexualize a wide range of bodily functions when primed to do so. If I were sexually involved with a woman for whom any such function were especially noticeable, it's likely I'd grow to sexualize it even without suggestion. Anyway, this "second handness" means I'm not anywhere near as extreme as some of you, i.e. I have no problem being next to someone allergic, at least in an inherently non-sexual context, and not needing to react to her (or his) sneezes very much.

Anyway, what I wanted to ask is how you guys have handled the situation of being sexually involved with someone to whom their sneeziness was purely a nuisance. When they had an allergic reaction or talked about their sneezing, was it difficult to reconcile your tendency to read something sexual into it with their perspective of annoyance on it?

Oh and a little PS...

I get the sense she may not be very sexually experienced. I'm not either, but I am far from "innocent" in my knowledge of kinks and stuff. This is a lot of what may make it awkward--it's like part of her is "ahead of itself", i.e. it will stick out before the rest of her opens up sexually if you know what I mean.

[Chanel_no5]

Never had this experience myself, so don't take my word too seriously.

But I feel that if I were to be around someone who really, really felt horrible about their allergies/sneezing, I would respect that but also try to make them understand that it doesn't bother me. In fact, that I find what they themselves find disgusting, to be cute, attractive, even sexy. I think it would probably be hard for someone who's learned to be ashamed of their sneezing to change; I know if I suddenly met someone that said that they liked my "curves" (the nice way of saying "big" sometimes), I probably would want to believe them but with the past experience I have, I wouldn't know if I dared to. But if they really showed it in many ways and made me feel attractive in situations where I usually would feel icky, I think I would calm down - if only a little.

Actually, I would like a girl who's a bit embarrassed about her allergies/sneezing.

And if it isn't that much of an interest to you (as it is to me for example), as in a way you really need her sneezing to be really content, well, just play it cool. Tell her it's no big deal if she seems upset or embarrassed. That she doesn't have to worry about you disliking her for sneezing. That you find it "sorta cute" if that would be a wording that would work.

Just my two cents.

[Buford]

I am an "extremist" as you would say so the answer is no. For me, fetish comes first, even in an unlikely life or death situation. In fact, the annoyance or suffering from it may just arouse me even more.

Oh Buford, you little bastard!

[brokensneeze]

Chanel that makes perfect sense.

Buford, you just made me feel like a little less of a pervert. Don't get me wrong, I'd notice something "fetishy" (for any fetish of mine) even in a situation where someone is in a difficult or dangerous situation, but I certainly wouldn't find it sexier when it caused the other person discomfort or harm. Except for the kind of "tension discomfort" that goes along with all sorts of sexual situations.

It's really no different from nudity. If a hot girl had to strip because her clothes were on fire and she was in danger of being badly burned, I would still notice the nudity, but I would feel much more conflicted than if she were naked at a nude beach or something like that. If she were stripping because she were hiking and had to wade across a deep river, then she might feel uncomfortable, especially if others were watching, but that would make it sexier rather than less sexy as in the fire example.

[Chanel_no5]

If a hot girl had to strip because her clothes were on fire and she was in danger of being badly burned, I would still notice the nudity, but I would feel much more conflicted than if she were naked at a nude beach or something like that. If she were stripping because she were hiking and had to wade across a deep river, then she might feel uncomfortable, especially if others were watching, but that would make it sexier rather than less sexy as in the fire example.

Very good example.

I love the misery and discomfort in allergies, in fact, the vulnerability is the very thing about this fetish for me. I don't like it when the sneezer themselves enjoy sneezing, it takes away lot of the enjoyment for me. BUT I would NEVER want to put anyone in a dangerous situation (make them sneeze from allergies despite them suffering from severe asthma for example), that is not sexy in any way to me, that is just frightening.

[Buford]

Buford, you just made me feel like a little less of a pervert.

Glad I could help!

As for the life or death situation, I was thinking of something less realistic and more extravagant Hollywood-like, probably involving laser beams and a nuclear threat... in a military base... during the Cold War... where was I? Oh right.

But yeah, thats lovely me

[Chanel_no5]

As for the life or death situation, I was thinking of something less realistic and more extravagant Hollywood-like, probably involving laser beams and a nuclear threat...

... and I thought I was doing so good, being all realistic and stuff, and with that I am back to my current obsession again. *sigh* Thanks a lot Buford.

[brokensneeze]

As for the life or death situation, I was thinking of something less realistic and more extravagant Hollywood-like, probably involving laser beams and a nuclear threat...

... and I thought I was doing so good, being all realistic and stuff, and with that I am back to my current obsession again. *sigh* Thanks a lot Buford.

What's your current obsession? Nuclear war?

[chalkdust]

As for the life or death situation, I was thinking of something less realistic and more extravagant Hollywood-like, probably involving laser beams and a nuclear threat...

... and I thought I was doing so good, being all realistic and stuff, and with that I am back to my current obsession again. *sigh* Thanks a lot Buford.

What's your current obsession? Nuclear war?

"Let's play Global Thermonuclear War."

"wouldn't you prefer a good game of chess?"

[atchoum]

It's always interesting to see how someone who started off not being "'one of us" comes to deal with the issues of sneezefetishness...

I can't give any advice, but I can tell you about something that happened to me that has some similarities.

One friend used to curse his allergies and say how much he hated sneezing. When I eventually outed myself (you tend to go through these phases) his attitude changed. I don't think he ever came to actually enjoy his sneezes, but he did drag me to friends with a cat so that I could see his reaction... and he could see mine. In this case it all was great fun for everyone.

But the friend in question was a pretty self-confident and mature person who seemed to take on the whole idea of sneezefetishism as some sort of novel challenge.

Keep us posted.