Do you tell your significant other?

[Guest]

My boyfriend wants to know what my 'fetish' is. I'm nervous about telling him that his sneezes totally turn me on.

Has anyone else ever told their signifigant other? How did you do it and what was their response?

[criticalsec]

My girlfriend asked me point blank yesterday if I have any fetishes. I told her the fairly common ones. I didn't tell her about this one. I've never told anybody. It's like my one secret.

[Vetinari]

Did you tell him you have a fetish, or was his question just a more general enquiry about what really gets you going?

I think it partly depends on your preferences. If you like inducing and would enjoy that if he did it, then telling him might introduce a wonderful new dimension to your fun together.

If "your thing" is much more about random spontaneous sneezing, then the advantage isn't necessarily so great. Sometimes people are even put off and develop a kind of "mental block" around sneezing in front of their SO.

My experience is that telling is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it is useful when your partner really has some idea what really turns you on. If you get to a stage when the relationship is serious and you are living together, I think it's much easier to have a partner that knows because then if you want to use sites like this one, then you don't alway have to be hiding it away. On the other hand it can be frustrating if your partner sneezes once and assumes you will be instantly turned on, as if a switch had been flipped .... when perhaps it doesn't always work like that ... and for some people here, it seems to be the secrecy and privateness that enhances the experience and their partner knowing and anticipating would be actively annoying.

[Kiwifruit]

For my ex, I showed him this article and used to to start discussion about how everyone has some kind of fetish, and (as predicted) he asked me what mine was, so I made him play 20 questions til he got it With my current boyfriend, I think I asked him what he thought of fetishes. He said he thought they were kinda weird and gross xD But meh, I was comfortable enough with him to say "what if I have one?" and then ended up telling him and at some point said "sneezing is cute and sexy" and he said "oooh is that how you see it...oh, that's different than how I usually think of them". So yeah, positive experiences for me

In terms of reactions: I told my ex and my current boyfriend. My ex thought it was weird and "kinda cute" and make fun of me whenever he sneezed xP He did try to make sneaky references to it in front of others, which made me furious >.> My current BF said he thought it was super cute and kind of sexy finding out something that turned me on, and he made himself sneeze for me <3 xD And tells me when he sneezes. He's awesome xD

[March Hare]

My man knows. I took a risk and just told him. It was a moment of great apprehension, as I'd told my former boyfriend and he didn't really take it the way I'd hoped he would, But my man is fantastic. I told him that it turned me on when he sneezed, and asked him if he thought it was weird. He said, "I think it's weird but I like it." Only, he didn't realise it was an actual fetish until he accidentally came across this very forum a day or so later. So that meant a bit more embarrassing explaining. Still, he was cool with all of it and loves to indulge me!

If your boyfriend is an open-minded guy and doesn't mind a little out of the ordinary turn-on, chances are that he'll love the idea of ALWAYS being able to make you hot. Sometimes it doesn't pay off, granted, but when it does, it WELL DOES and your fantasies just might come true. Mine did!

Good luck!

[Sawyer]

Yes, I did tell. The fetish was something I never ever planned on telling anybody ever, and thought it would simply remain a secret and that I would be okay with that. But I somehow let it slip to my boyfriend that I had a fetish, and after a long period of guessing on his part (and incredibly vague answers on mine), he finally got it. I was a little reluctant to admit it, but I didn't say no and finally got around to confessing. It was the most excited/anxious I have ever felt, but I love and trust him immensely and don't want to have any secrets from him, especially this one since it's such a big part of me.

He reacted better than I expected! He did tease me about it at first and he asked a lot of questions. I was still so nervous about it that my answers were short because I really had no clue how to react. It all felt pretty awkward for me, but not bad, really. I'm so glad he knows, because I can talk about it with him and sometimes he tells me when he does sneeze. I'm still a little shy about it, but I don't regret telling him at all.

[count tiszula]

Generally I feel that there is far too much telling going on around here. People seem to tell all and sundry and then get surprised when they are teased or their secret becomes widely known because SOMEONE has told every0ne else about it.

I have said in the past that you shouldn't tell anyone until you're in bed with them. To start off with this means that you won't tell anyone until you're at least 18 because obviously people don't share a bed until they reach the age of majority; but I possibly failed to say that you shouldn't tell everyone you are in bed with unless you know that you can TRUST THEM ABSOLUTELY not to tease you or tell everyone. I may add that if they obviously hate the whole idea of sneezing generally or fetishes generally then forget it; it will do more harm than good.

And I may add that of the very few people I have told, I have NEVER had the sort of positive reaction so often recounted here. Only one person has ever volunteered to sneeze for me; the other two or three went along with it unenthusiastically, really depending on how naturally sneezy they were. None were at all enthusuastic as I would be if I discovered a certain way of exciting a partner. In such circumstances I'd want to talk about it all the time, and I'd be out there buying the clown's outfit and practising my walking in silly shoes until I perfected it. It seems that real life isn't like that...

[Lynne]

Well, i'm lucky in that my current boyfriend and my last ex-boyfriend were both forum members (hi guys!) Have I ever told another partner? HELL TO THE NO! My ex-husband found out about it by accident, and it was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back. He thought it was stupid as hell that I would keep it a secret from him, and I was angry that he had violated my privacy to find out (we had separate computers, he combed through mine to find wavs, evidence of forum visiting, etc.)

I am very glad that my partner knows, however. It's a nice bonus He thinks he's more into it than I am, but I just hide my reactions better

[Vetinari]

And I may add that of the very few people I have told, I have NEVER had the sort of positive reaction so often recounted here. Only one person has ever volunteered to sneeze for me; the other two or three went along with it unenthusiastically, really depending on how naturally sneezy they were. None were at all enthusuastic as I would be if I discovered a certain way of exciting a partner. In such circumstances I'd want to talk about it all the time, and I'd be out there buying the clown's outfit and practising my walking in silly shoes until I perfected it. It seems that real life isn't like that...

I know generalisations are dangerous ... but the impression I have from answers I have seen here to this question before, is that more men react with enthusiasm (Woot! I've discovered something that turns her on, where's the pepper!) than women, who are, perhaps, in general more circumspect. Possibly this is because of the traditional roles that society assigns and teaches, that women should be "pure" and men are allowed to be "wild". I guess this might change as gender expectations do.

I'd also say that the word "fetish" possibly is better avoided. Finding sneezing cute and sexy is quirky, a strong desire to look after someone with a cold is sweet. Although the word seems normal to me now "I have a fetish" would have been terrifying because I associated that word with people being turned on by unpleasant things, like pain or shit (apologies to anyone who loves shitty pain).

It seems to me that those who are proud of enjoying the fetish, those who are at home with themselves and can tell other people in a lighthearted way, generally have few problems when they do tell. There are those who seem to tell everyone and it never causes a problem. Perhaps they have the ability to make it just sound fun and quirky, rather than regarding it as something shameful and possibly objectionable. Sadly I'm not one of them.

It can also be awkward if your SO is not your preferred source of fetishy fun ... so if you prefer female sneezing but in every other way you are straight and your SO is male ... then unless he's very open minded, he might feel it means you don't fancy him. I guess telling is a complicated business with many factors to take into account. Tell him if it will make things easier or better for you, but don't feel pressured into telling just because "you feel you ought to share everything with your SO."

Edited August 23, 2011 by Vetinari

[Jorm]

I've told a number of people, both partners and not and I've yet to have a particularly negative experience. I think it's really all just down to whether or not you want to tell your boyfriend. Is it important to you for him to know? Or do you just feel like you somehow should tell him because he's your boyfriend and he's asked? None of us here can ultimately tell you if you should tell him or not, that's a very personal choice that you'll have to make based on what you're most comfortable with.

In my personal experience it's the wider ramifications you have to worry about, not so much his personal feelings on you having a sneeze fetish. If you've got a good relationship going with his guy I doubt his learning that you happen to have this fetish is likely to cause any serious problems. As other people have mentioned though, unless you make it really clear, he may not get just how private and personal this information is and think it's okay to reference it in public or mention it to his friends who may well then mention it to their friends. People seem to have a tendency to not get that an unusual fetish might be cause for embarrassment and something we don't really want everyone in the world to know about. I've definitely had times where people who knew about my fetish made teasing allusions to it in public and I had to pull them aside later and explain that I'd really prefer they didn't throw it around so casually. So if you do decide to tell your boyfriend I'd recommend being very clear about your desire for that information to stay strictly between the two of you.

[hilsbilly]

Generally I feel that there is far too much telling going on around here. People seem to tell all and sundry and then get surprised when they are teased or their secret becomes widely known because SOMEONE has told every0ne else about it.

I have said in the past that you shouldn't tell anyone until you're in bed with them. To start off with this means that you won't tell anyone until you're at least 18 because obviously people don't share a bed until they reach the age of majority; but I possibly failed to say that you shouldn't tell everyone you are in bed with unless you know that you can TRUST THEM ABSOLUTELY not to tease you or tell everyone. I may add that if they obviously hate the whole idea of sneezing generally or fetishes generally then forget it; it will do more harm than good.

And I may add that of the very few people I have told, I have NEVER had the sort of positive reaction so often recounted here. Only one person has ever volunteered to sneeze for me; the other two or three went along with it unenthusiastically, really depending on how naturally sneezy they were. None were at all enthusuastic as I would be if I discovered a certain way of exciting a partner. In such circumstances I'd want to talk about it all the time, and I'd be out there buying the clown's outfit and practising my walking in silly shoes until I perfected it. It seems that real life isn't like that...

She swore that she would be all mine

And love me till the end

But, when I whispered inher ear

I Lost another friend

[EliGirl]

I always tell my boyfriend if we start getting serious. Usually they're like "No way!" at first, and then they ask questions about it. (e.g. So sneezing turns you on? Do you like my sneezing? etc.) The questions usually lead to "Do you want me to sneeze for you?" I'm like "Yes " So they do. Sometimes I have to show them how to induce

[Chanel_no5]

Generally I feel that there is far too much telling going on around here. People seem to tell all and sundry and then get surprised when they are teased or their secret becomes widely known because SOMEONE has told every0ne else about it.

I agree. I don't think I would tell any SO unless I feel really, really comfortable around them at all times, which isn't likely because I don't often feel very comfortable around anyone. Just far, far too afraid of mockery and the risk of that. But of course, everyone is different, and nobody else can make the choice for you. Just think it over very carefully first.

I just want to add, unrelated to the topic per say, that I keep reading the topic title as "Do you tell your insignificant other?"

[Guest]

So far I told him that its a shake he has to go to the allergist because I rather like his sneezes. I told him I think they're cute

Ilhe was confused because he thinks they're loud. I just shrugged it off and said I like them anyway. He looked at me oddly and then thanked me.

Perhaps he and I will delve into it more at a later date.

[kate]

I could never tell anyone, no matter what. Not just because of a trust thing, but because I would find nothing about talking about it with a partner/having them induce on purpose, etc, to be a turn on. I want it to be just my thing, not something to ever talk about or become a shared issue in the relationship.

Basically, even though I am sure many people would "accept" it, perhaps even happily accept it, I don't think anyone else could really understand my fetish and how it "works", if that makes sense. Having said that, I can' help but wonder how I'd feel if I were married to someone for years and years, and then I found out something as huge about their sexuality as my sneeze fetish has been to me...?

[KatNY]

Yeah, my girlfriend knows. We've been dating for a very long time, though, and we don't have any secrets, really. Kind of an open relationship, I suppose. I told her ages ago and she didn't find it that weird. She occasionally induces for me.

[DragonDust]

My past two boyfriends both knew about it but never really did much with it and I was always very nervous about talking about or asking for things like that. I don't really know why... I think it was because i felt bad asking them to do something like that, ad shyness kicked in, too. Even with my SOs I get very shy talking about my odd little kink need to work on that!

[foreverajerseygirl]

Here's a twist for you. For me, it's not about trusting my husband. I trust him with my life. However, it's about ME. I think that I don't feel comfortable enough in my own skin to share something that is no not mainstream. Do I think he'd make fun of me or laugh at me? I know he wouldn't but there's still that little part of me that feels like a kid and is unsure of herself. Through life, I've been in many a sticky or embarrassing situation and somehow can't shake those feelings.

[Guest]

So... I told him. He was quite taken aback - not because he was disgusted by it or anything, but more because he's never heard of such a thing. The sad part is now - while I'm still VERY turned on by his cute sneezes, I'm terribly embarassed every time he does - and I think he is too. Now, it's like there's an elephant in the room.

Hopefully, he'll come forward with any questions he has. But, if I could go back - I wouldn't have told him. I'll let you know if the situation changes.

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For a good, historically accurate novella, that includes a fair amount of sneezing, coughing, nose blowing, and general illness, read Forgotten, by Nicole Salomone. It takes place during the American Revolution and focuses on the medicine of the time period. It's not too gruesome, but is a quick and enjoyable read.