Crazy guys

[thegreatpretender]

I have the awful pleasure of having a crazy staulker. We had an ok friendship until he got possessive over me even though I told him we couldn't get together because I don't like him that way and have a relationship that's lasted 4 years. He went so far as to try to break us up and has sent me lots of crazy texts over the past year of knowing him. I can't stand him anymore and I hate working with him and feel like I'm in a corner. What should I do?

[JenJen]

Have any of those texts been threatening? Do you feel like you're in danger? If so, I would definitely take these fears to the proper authorities. Or at least, tell this guy that if he doesn't back the hell off you'll be going to the police. Because what he's doing may be considered sexual harassment.

And you work with him? Let your boss know what you've been dealing with and that you feel that your work situation has become unsafe and uncomfortable.

Has your significant other had words with this dope? Your stalker sounds like he needs to be put in his place. His behavior is not acceptable. You would think a stern "stay away from my girlfriend, or else" talk from your significant other would work. Then again, your stalker seems like the worst kind of stubborn.

[dude18323]

I agree with Jen. I think you should definitely talk to your boss or another trusted authority and discuss what the best thing to do is...in my opinion if you really do feel unsafe I think you should go to the police.

To be honest I'm not sure if your significant other putting him in his place will make him back off...because he sounds really crazily persistent I think it might make him do the opposite. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for your SO defending you. I once threw some inappropriate and harsh language at a guy who was harassing my younger sister, and all he did was flip me off but that was that. But I'm just not sure if that will work with this guy from what you've said.

So from my perspective I think the best course of action is to find a trusted authority like your boss or someone else and decide if you should go to the police or take another action you feel would be best.

[Lalena]

I would definitely tell your boss. I had a similar situation when I was in high school. Another lifeguard I worked with would send texts and IMs (back in the days of AOL) that were highly inappropriate and sexual in nature. One time he tried to follow me home from work and I knew my parents were not home. Luckily I had enough sense about me and I drove to the police station instead. When I pulled in there he didn't follow me in, thank God.

The reason I tell this story is because I feel telling your boss is the BEST thing you can do. I didn't save any of the texts or IMs he sent me, but when I told my boss about the situation he notified the police who launched an investigation of his AOL account and cell phone records. They were able to pull up EVERYTHING! In the mean time, my boss was able to avoid scheduling us to work together. The investigation took about a month, but after that month so much came up on this guy, even unrelated to me, that they were able to arrest him at work one day and he went to trial. He served 2 years in jail.

I will say I worked for the city, so my experience may be different since the police is just another department of city employees. If your boss doesn't do anything about it notify the police. They will definitely be able to find something out, even if you haven't saved the texts.

[thegreatpretender]

Sadly enough, I have told my managers and my parents. My managers spoke to him about it in passing and he let up for a bit after that but started again when he thought that we were fine. My stepfather has spoken to some of his police friends but they say that the can't do anything unless he actually does something threatening. And I don't know what would consist of being "threatening". He knows where I live and knows my work schedules too. Isn't that threatening enough without him doing something to me?

[JenJen]

That's what I think is so messed up about stalking laws/getting restraining orders/etc. The guy needs to have actually threatened you for the cops to care, but sometimes by the time a guy is being threatening it's much too late and a woman winds up hurt or worse. It's absurd.

I would talk to your boss again, and really stress how concerned you are. If you're being made to work with a guy who makes you feel uncomfortable, that could be a hostile work environment. I mean, how are you supposed to work properly if you feel like you have to look over your shoulder and be on edge all the time for fear of unwanted comments or advances? And this is happening because you're a woman he wants to be in a relationship with, so I'm pretty sure it falls under sexual harrassment.

Good luck to you. ): This situation sounds so awful.

[dude18323]

I agree with Jen again. If you bring it up again with your boss, they'll know it's still going on and is serious. Just keep telling them so that they know it really is a problem that needs to be fixed ASAP. I'm pretty sure you can get him on harassment, and even if the cops can't do anything like restraining orders or arrests, maybe someone talking to him from the police department will make it stop.

The main thing is just to keep talking to your parents, managers, and police often until the problem is solved.