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Trade with Umeko - Vampire Diaries


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Derp, I totally did not forget to post this until just now.

Hi Umeko! this is for you! :'D //shot.

Drabble-ish one-shot thing.


The leaves outside Stefan’s rented room in the old boarding house crunched in a most unnatural manner. They usually didn’t even rustle in the slightest.

“Damon, you bastard. Even if I don’t sleep, I could still use a little peace and quiet. Would you mind moving with the speed and agility you’ve been so blessed with?”

A very bottled-up “ehNNX-chihh!” in addition to more peace-shattering crunching brown leaves was his response. Or his unintentional response, Stefan observed when his brother appeared beside him. Damon slid his slender finger casually under his elegant nose. He snorted in obvious displeasure.

“At the very least, I didn’t ring the doorbell this time. And I thought your landlady would be thrilled to have such a brilliant young man at her doorstep at three in the morning.”

Stefan did something close to rolling his eyes, but thought better of it halfway, and ended up twirling his pupils around in a dazzling display of his forest green eyes. Damon eyed his younger brother with disgust.

“Stefan, wh-what the h-hell are you d-doIHH doing with your eyes—EH-kxt-SHOO!”

The younger brother smirked. “I didn’t think you were doing much on your part to protect Elena. Don’t tell me you’re overworking yourself to the point you actually get sick.”

“It’s contrary to my belief that vampires can contract normal human diseases,” Damon sniffed gingerly, “if I get sick. Which I’m not.” He snorted in even greater annoyance than he had before, although this time, it sounded more like a dying whale was trapped in his nose. There was no way either of them could overlook this interesting development. It just so happened that Damon had voiced his opinion on the matter first, a humiliating mistake on his own part.

“I suppose your belief will be proven wrong then.” He gave a dark chuckle and brushed his fingers through his dark, wavy hair and then gave an equally dark sigh. “What are we going to do about Elena? She’s a vampire now, and vampires get thirsty.”

“Then we feed her. If we let her go hungry then she’ll start attacking the residents.” Damon leaned back against the wooden walls and threw his arm across his face. “Although I don’t particularly care about what happens to this moronic town.” He sniffed tentatively, and the reason that he slunk his arm so strangely across his face become apparent. “Damn it.” His perfect, pale lips parted and gave in to short and desperate gasps of air.

Hihh-huh ungh…huh-igxt! ESHTT! Hih-ehNGXXchih! EHHHihchoo-KSHuh!” His arm stayed where it was, hovering over his face. He tilted his head back, as he drew his breath in a rapidly increasing manner, preparing for the final battle. “HUH-ihh-hnggh huhXXT-ehTCHoo-hngKXTshoo-HEHNGXX!” He punctuated his defeat with a loud, undisguised sniff. Now it was Stefan’s turn to be disgusted.

“Impressive. Anything else to add that might counter your belief that vampires can’t contract human diseases?”

“Shud ub. Fugg, I cad eved sbell Eleda.” He disappeared for a split second, leaving Stefan to shake his head in amusement at Damon’s humiliation. When he came back, he looked more a mess than he had ever looked before, his eyes misted over and his beautifully sculpted nose ringed in red. “Whad kide of wobad doesed keeb tissues id her house?”

“What kind of gentleman would search a woman’s home without permission?”

Damon threw a deathly glare at his younger brother, though it would have been slightly more effective if he didn’t look so hopelessly pathetic. His eyes had distinct purple shadows beneath them that clashed dangerously with his green eyes. And nobody could look dignified with a shiny trail of mucus running from his nostrils.

Stefan took about half a second to analyze the situation and with a bemused smile playing about his lips, he withdrew a monogrammed handkerchief from his pocket. Damon was dumbfounded.

“Who, id dis day add age, carries a haggerchief?”

“Then I suppose you don’t need this?” Stefan began to fold his handkerchief and stow it away neatly. Another series of sharp inhalations began on the other vampire’s part.

“Sh-shit, gibb be thad,” Damon snarled, snatching the handkerchief. His pale cheeks would have been pink if he had blood running in his empty arteries. Immediately upon grabbing the cloth, he vanished from Stefan’s room. Loud, gasping breaths and the rustling tree branches gave away his location.

HIH-ichoo! EPSHoo! UH-KNXT! Ih-huh-ihIH—FUCK—hahh-hih-HUUHH-uggh…”

Stefan smirked openly at the show going on outside his window. He hadn’t watched something like this in centuries. This was much better than Shakespeare and opera.

hih-UHH-hih-hah'CHEEh uhshoo HUH'NGXTshoo huh'ICHHoo HAAAH-uhhh…” The show ended with a loud groan and an even louder sniff. A low gurgling noise led to the start of the second presentation. Stefan could almost hear the embarrassment dripping from his brother’s nose. Then he heard a branch break, followed by a bang, a string of curses and a single sneeze.

“Take a bow, Damon. I could never do something so outstanding. That was definitely a performance of your caliber.”


My sneeze spellings sort of bother me. Takes practice for great spellings ; __ ;

oh uh btw VividBubbles!, if you're reading this, I was totally not being lazy today and not finishing my part whistling.gif

it's been so long since I've read the series that I think this is totally OOC LOL shoot me

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ick! you spoiled it o.o I'm waiting for season 4 of the show.

She just woke up as a vampire when the 3rd season ended. I have not read the books, I can't read this o.o it'll spoil the show for me

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Emily! LOL. :heart: I can't believe how lazy you are, writing this so not beautiful drabble that I would totally not encourage continuing (she says with sarcasm literally dripping off her tongue). ;) I can't wait for your part! :D No more dilly daddling! :laugh:

BYE! :bleh:

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@Umeko: oh, ouch that stings :( I'm sorry for spoiling it, but if you say that it's at where Elena just wakes up then don't worry, I didn't spoil much :D

I hope you like it more after season 4 starts D:

@vividBubbles!: I'm almost afraid to respond LOL I have no life now. ; __ ; I hate summer school and I hate SATs and I hate math. /goes back into lurkerdom

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