Library Jam (original fiction, F)

[Heathcliff]

This story features two characters I used before in my story 'The Lecture Theatre': Sally and Claire, two university students (I may have changed some of their details but they're basically the same). This story is supposed to be a bit silly and humourous- it features Sally trying not to sneeze inside the dusty college library.

The only sneezes are female, due to a dust allergy. The story features handkerchiefs (because I like handkerchiefs ). I hope you enjoy.

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Library Jam

This is Old Court in the summer: the dry grass, the yellowing stone of the library, and a heavy, stifling atmosphere. God forbid you don't study hard... the university seems to demand it from every brick in its crumbling old buildings. This could drive you crazy... but, as Claire thought, when you've been through exam term once, it's not half as bad the next time.

She walked across the path, heading for the door to the library. Claire was thinking about what she had been revising in her room that morning, but she was hungry, and the thought of lunch was pushing everything acadmeic out of her head.

She pushed open the door, and was hit by the scent of old books. She glanced at the old piece of paper pinned at the centre of the library notice board, which read in large computer-printed letters

'Please be quiet and considerate to other library users.

No food or drink.

No smoking.

No mobile phones.'

Someone had written at the bottom in biro 'No book published after 1960'.

The ancient-looking clock on the wall told her that it was just getting to twelve. She would go and find Sally, and they could go and get a sandwich.

Claire started up the stairway to the third floor, aware of the sound of her feet echoing in the oppressive silence. She passed the second floor on her way up- the fabled 'quiet study' area, with students poring over their books and notes in strict silence. How did anyone work there? The air was thick with the mania to achieve- nothing more important than grades and exam results. She much preferred revising in her room, where she could break her studies by putting on the radio, or making endless cups of tea.

She continued upwards, aware of the slight creaking of the old wooden stairs under her feet, until she reached the third floor. This was the least neatly-kept part of the library, a jumble of desks and small bookshelves where the more obscure books were kept. Even in exam term, there were not usually many people up here. Claire walked through the door. She realised Sally was the only person studying on the top floor, and relaxed a little.

"Sal!" she said, in a stage-whisper so as not to be heard by the people sitting in silence on the floor below.

"I'm going for lunch, do you want to come?"

"Yeah, sure..." said Sally, still distracted by what she was writing. "Just finishing this bit..."

"Come on," said Claire impatiently "I'm starving! You've got all afternoon to turn into a living corpse in here."

"I'm just finishing this paragraph! Give me a minute..."

Claire folded her arms and tried to look bored, although Sally wasn't paying attention. She began to walk around the room and stopped to read the titles of some of the books on the shelf.

"These books look like they haven't been touched in years." she said. "What's this one- 'A Brief History of 19th Century Golf Clubs'. That cannot be a real book..." She reached up to take it off the shelf.

"Don't start moving the books around- you'll stir up the dust. I can't believe you're really interested in 19th Century golf clubs anyway."

"Okay, okay." said Claire, backing away from the shelf. "Just hurry up and finish so we can go to-" suddenly there was a almighty thumping noise, and Claire shouted. Sally turned her head to see Claire stumbling against one of the small bookcases in the middle of the room, and a pile of books on the carpet behind it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I just leaned against it and... there's no back to this stupid bookcase!"

"Of course there isn't, didn't you see that?"

A student's head with a stern expression appeared at the opening to the floors below. "What the hell was that?"

"Oh, nothing- we just knocked some books over."

"Oh. Well, please keep quiet. We're all trying to work down here."

"Yes- sorry!" said Claire in an exasperated voice. Evidently the head felt that it had made it's point, as it grunted and disappeared through the opening to the stairway.

"Twat! It's not like we threw the books on the floor on purpose." said Claire under her breath.

"Just help me pick up the books!" said Sally, hitching up her skirt to kneel down. Claire crouched down next to her. A cloud of dust was drifting upwards from the fallen books, visible in the shaft of sunlight from the window. Sally stopped, and turned her head slightly.

"What is it?" hissed Claire.

"I think I'm- gonna sneeze..." she said in a breathy voice.

"Don't sneeze! There's all those people on the floor below, and you always sneeze so loudly- "

"It's- all this dust-"

"If dust makes you sneeze, why do you come and work up here?"

"It doesn't usually bother me-" said Sally, scrubbing at her nose with the back of her hand. "Only when some clumsy idiot like you starts stirring it up!"

Sally's breath began to hitch- "Haah... haaah... haaaaaah..." Her head dipped forward and she pinched her nose, as her body convulsed violently with the force of the suppressed sneeze "Aaaah-MMMPHH!" Sally staggered two steps backwards with the force of her sneeze.

"Bless you Sal! So, you can sneeze quietly. It wasn't anything too- Sally?"

"Haaah..."

Sally heard her, but she couldn't respond- she felt the burning, tickling sensation come back into her nose. The urge to sneeze was coming back with force...

"-need to blow my nose." Sally opened her bag on the desk, and began to sort through its contents.

"I can't find my hanky."

"Maybe it's in your pocket?"

Sally sniffled- "I'm wearing a skirt, it doesn't ha-have any pockets..."

"I might have some tissues- let me check..."

Claire shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Oh, I haven't got any, I'm- Sally, don't sneeze again!"

Sally involuntarily took a big gulp of air: "Huuuuuuuh- MMMMPHH!"

Again she squeezed her nose between two fingers as she sneezed, and her body shook with the effort. She exhaled in temporary relief, and turned back to her bag.

"I'm sure it's in here somewhere... Ah!"

Sally pulled a pale blue handkerchief from her bag, unfolded it and gathered the cloth around her nose.

"Oh, is that a new handkerchief? It's nice."

"Someone gave it to me for Christmas." said Sally, rubbing at her nose with the cloth.

"I thought you didn't like colourful ones, but you know, it kinda suits you... I guess there's a line between cute and practical, when your nose starts running like a tap-"

"Can we not have this conversation when I'm trying not to sneeze! Let's just get the damn books picked up and get out of here!"

She gave a long, slightly wet blow, and then wiped her handkerchief back and forth over her nostrils. The scratching sensation felt good, and her urge to sneeze faded away.

"I think I'm okay now." She folded up her handkerchief neatly, and placed it on the desk beside her notepad. Together they picked the books up and put them haphazardly back onto the shelf, Sally trying to breathe lightly in the drifting dust. The shelf filled up, and Sally pushed the books to one side to fit the last few in.

As she did so, she inhaled without thinking- and felt a familiar tickle, like the feet of little ants marching about at the top of her nose.

It was maddening- she wanted to rub and scratch her nose- or better still to sneeze as loudly as she liked, to relieve the itch. The thought of sneezing seemed too much, and her breath began to hitch.

"Haah- Haaaah-" Sally forgot her situation for a moment, and looked up towards the window to coax the sneeze out.

"No!" said Claire. "Be quiet!"

Sally went to retrieve har handkerchief from the desk, although her eyes had begun to water. She unfolded it hastily and bunched it in front of her face... Just one big sneeze, she thought- muffled into the hanky it wouldn't be too loud...

As if on cue, the tickle in her nose suddenly increased and she took a deep, shaky breath in, tilting her head back. Claire started, sure that an earth-shattering explosion was coming and angry students would be running up the stairs...

"Aaah-PSSSCHMPH!"

Sally's head dipped forward, and let out a violent sneeze, that was almost completely muffled in her handkerchief. The sneeze felt a little wet; she was glad to have turned away from Claire. She wiped her nose, but almost immediately the tickle surged back into her nostrils, and she waited while the performance was repeated- handkerchief over nose, eyes watering- "Hah-haaah-" breath catching, getting closer... come on... oh, now-

"HAAAH-EEH-SCHOOOO!"

Without quite deciding to, she had sneezed loudly- she and Claire paused for a moment, expecting someone to complain... but nothing happened. Sally massaged her nose, wondering if another sneeze would come... but there was nothing. She blew her nose, and rubbed at her nostrils with the fabric of the handkerchief.

"Do you always sneeze like that?" said Claire.

"Like what?"

"I mean- do you always have to do it so noisily when you let it out?"

"Yeah- I can't help it." said Sally, sniffing slightly.

"Well, have you ever tried to change your sneeze? I mean, make it a bit more quiet?"

"It's not something you can change just by wanting to. I can't go down to a sneeze showroom and ask to test-drive a new model... Oh, God- I think I'm gonna sneeze again..."

"Again? Can't you stop?" Claire watched Sally's expression becoming unfocused

"It- itches..." said Sally, before her breath hitched and she caught a half-stifled "HAAAH-EASSSHTT!" in her handkerchief.

"Bless you," said Claire, out of habit. "Come on- if you're going to keep sneezing like that let's get out of the damn library!"

Sally nodded- she put her handkerchief in her handbag and began to gather up her notes and books... then suddenly her eyes widened, and she dug frantically back in her bag to retrieve the handkerchief just before sneezing again: "HAAH-MPPPPH!" She carried on packing up her things, but now kept one hand clamped over her nose in the blue cotton of the hanky.

They hurried down the stairs, Sally stepping haphazardly as a harsh, prickling itch flooded her nose again. Claire looked back with a worried expression on her face as Sally paused, suddenly gasping, about to sneeze... but managed to contain it as a painful stifle, wadding her handkerchief around her nose as her head ducked forward with the sneeze.

As she opened her watery eyes again and sighed with the small relief the sneeze had bought, she looked through the door on the second floor and saw the students' heads bent over their books. A pale, sour-faced boy at the nearest desk looked round, although no-one else seemed to have noticed.... Sally ducked out of sight as she felt her nose tingle again, and she hurried down the stairs after Claire.

They pushed open the door and felt the warmth of the early afternoon sunshine on their faces. Claire turned around and smiled, her stomach reminding her again that it was time for lunch.

"Now," she said, "where shall we go?"

But Sally wasn't listening- the bright sunlight hitting her eyes was too much... "`Scuse me..." she inhaled deeply, her face rising above the handkerchief held neatly in both of her hands- then she convulsed with a very loud sneeze- "HAAAH-EAAASHOO!"

"Bless you-"

"Not yet-" said Sally, here eyes tightly shut and watering- "HAAAH-EAAASHOO! Haah... YEAAASHOO!"

The final two sneezes seemed almost to echo around the stone walls of Old Court, and made Claire start in surprise- but they finally brought some relief to Sally's nose. The urge to sneeze had faded away.

"'Scuse me, sorry..." said Sally, blowing her nose once more and carefully folding up her handkerchief, before tucking it back into her bag.

"I've got to admit," said Claire, as they walked across the court and headed out to the canteen, "Your sneezes might scare me sometimes, but they're pretty impressive..."

"Oh, yes- ha ha..." said Sally sarcastically.

"I mean it! Such an uncontrolled explosion, it's a bit like an orgasm, don't you think?"

Sally felt the sun get hotter on her face, and blushed. "Er... I don't think so."

"I think I'm onto something here..." Claire continued. "You and your poweful sneezes... I bet there's some guys who would even find it sexy!"

"Oh, don't take the piss!" said Sally, laughing. "What person in their right mind would find sneezes sexy?"

The End

[a-tissue]

That was so cute.

[NoV]

Amazing story Heathcliff Trying to control loud sneezes in a quiet environment has got to be one of my all time favourite scenarios - and you have nailed it

I think these two young ladies deserve further adventures...

[Heathcliff]

Thanks for the comments guys!

[fufufufu]

Holy crap, this was WONDERFUL Those stifles were killing me...

[Chronosynclastic]

Great story. I really liked the descriptions of her trying to stifle the sneezes.

[High on Lullabies]

Oh yes, I did enjoy this very much. You have some really lovely turns of phrase in describing things:

aware of the sound of her feet echoing in the oppressive silence.

The air was thick with the mania to achieve

Beautiful work!

[count tiszula]

Fabulous! The hankie stuff is wonderful, particularly the fumbling and the wonderful business of putting the hankie away and having to REfumble....... Of course she could have had a spare hankie in her knickers, but it wouldn't be as good.

And now it's Claire's turn to find there's something that makes her sneeze almost as powerfully....