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Stifling Her Sneeze Phobia * * * F I C T I O N * * *


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Zoie and Zachary first met at the local community college. They dated casually for a time until their relationship advanced into occasional intimacy and finally to sharing an apartment to save on expenses.

After settling in their apartment, Zachary asked Zoie to be his fiancee and to go with him to pick out a friendship ring. Zoie accepted. She felt as though she was falling in love with Zachary.

As they were discussing their plans, Zoie began to cry. “What’s wrong, Zoie? ” he queried.

“There’s something about me I have to tell you,” she responded. “I’m afraid to sneeze!”

“What! How long has it been since you’ve sneezed?” Zachary asked.

Zoie recalled that the last time she sneezed was seven years ago when she was becoming pubescent. “It was at junior high graduation. As I walked up to get my certificate, I sneezed loud enough for everyone in the gym to hear me. A smart alec classmate asked me why I didn’t hold my breath. I told her I couldn’t because it came on so fast.

“ Ohhh,“ sobbed Zoie, ”I’m the only one in the world who is afraid to sneeze.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Zachary said, trying to reassure her.

“How can you stifle every sneeze?” he asked her.

She said “A friend of mine told me how she stifled her sneezes. At the first sign of a tickle, she would rub her tongue gently across the roof of her mouth. I tried the same technique and it worked every time. So here I am seven years later with nary a sneeze.

“What do you think might happen if you sneeze”? Zachary asked.

“I have these phobic thoughts,” replied Zoie. Like having a car wreck, sneezing on a tray of food, wetting my undies . . . “She continued to sob as Zachary put his arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

Zachary told Zoie that his cousin was a psychologist and that maybe he could help her overcome her phobia. She agreed and he arranged an appointment for her.

On the way to her appointment Zoie felt tickles on two occasions. She stifled both sneezes successfully, at the same time wondering how this psychologist was going to help her.

The doctor asked her to sit in a reclining chair and made notes on what she was experiencing.

“I have a plan,” the doctor said. “Please give it a fair chance. At first glance it may seem . . . well kinky, but I think it will work.”

“Ok,” responded Zoie. “What is it?”

The doctor explained that he would hypnotize her. While she was asleep, he was going to take a dedelion and sprinkle the leaves with a coating of pepper. Then he would gently massage the insides and edges of her nostrils and her upper lip. He predicted that when she awoke she would immediately have a mild sneezing fit before she knew what was happening. That, he said should end her phobia when she realized that no harm came to her from sneezing. Zoie signed the consent form and the doctor began the procedure.

Later, she woke up feeling an overwhelming tickle. Stifling was not an option this time. A seven sneeze mini-fit followed. “Oh goodness,” Zoie enthused. “Those felt sooo good! My body feels more relaxed than I can ever remember it feeling. And I didn’t wet my underpants like I was afraid I would.”

“You’ve been tensing your body with all that stifling over seven years. You will feel refreshingly relaxed from now on as long as you keep sneezing when you need to. Let me know if you relapse into stifling, but I think you’re cured,” the doctor instructed.

Zoie thanked him and left quickly. She wanted to call Zachary and tell him the good news.

When she arrived home, Zachary had prepared dinner and there was a gift wrapped box at her place at the table.

“Tell me about your day,” said Zachary excitedly.

Zoie recounted her visit with the psychologist and how he cured her sneezing phobia.

“Hey,” joked Zachary, “Do I have to listen while you catch up on seven years of missed sneezes?”

“You’d LOVE it,” Zoie joked back as she playfully spanked his butt.

“Actually, I would,” he replied. “Do you realize how horny that would make me?”

“Yeaahh!,” replied Zoie in a seductive tone of voice and with a wink.

“You got me a present? “ Zoie asked as she eyed the box at her chair. Inside she found seven designer hankies, each with a day of the week printed on it. She also noticed Zachary had put a box of SNEEZETIME brand pop-up tissues on the counter so she could quickly get ready for an oncoming sneeze.

“You’re sooo sweet, Honey. I LOVE YOU,” she said as she pressed her head to his chest! Zoie held up the top hanky in the box and proclaimed: “I will sneeze happily ever after,” as she began to feel a tickle coming on.

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