Bless Her, Dear Lord * * * F I C T I O N * * *

[gonnasneeze]

Seth and Amanda had planned for a weekend together. Amanda came from Carefree to Tucson to stay with Seth.

Amanda was a prolific sneezer. She could sneeze up to 15 times an hour at her peak. Her massive sneezes were loud and evolved into shrill screams as they exploded out of her nose. Seth thoroughly enjoyed Amanda’s sneezing but never discussed the subject with her as he suspected she was self conscious about how she sneezed. He wanted to propose to Amanda, but didn’t how or if he should bring up her sneezing. He gambled that maybe Amanda would broach the subject if she accepted his marriage proposal. He wondered how her sneezing might affect their love life, but decided he would cross that bridge when he came to it.

Seth suggested they go to church on Sunday, but Amanda balked at the idea. “I just know I’m going to start sneezing and embarrass myself,” she thought. Still she didn’t want to disappoint Seth, so she finally agreed to go. “Ok,” she thought to herself. “I’ll take my chances and hope for the best.”

The couple entered the church at 10am on Sunday. Amanda spotted two seats in the back. She noticed it would be a quick exit to the ladies room if she felt a sneeze coming on. Seth agreed to these seats and they sat down.

As the service went on, Amanda found she liked it. She convinced herself that everything would work out . . . BUT . . . without warning a five-spot of massive sneezes began. There was no time to exit as she had planned, as the fit was sudden and ferocious:

“ahhhh . . . HEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAASH! . . . ahhh . . . HEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAASH!! . . . ahhhh . . . HEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAASH!!! . . . ahhh . . . HEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!! . . . ahhh . . .HEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!

Amanda’s sneezing brought the service to a grinding halt. She burst into tears that soaked through Seth’s shirt.

The pastor saw her distress and said “Don’t worry my dear. There is no better place for a blessing than in a church. Blessings are a specialty here.

“So, God bless you, Honey,” he said in his most compassionate pastor’s voice.