Jump to content
Sneeze Fetish Forum

Advice re: Chat- (things to consider- "oldbies" and "newbies" and shy)


tma

Recommended Posts

DISCLAIMER: I am by *no* means a "chat room authority". Just trying to *possibly* lay out some ideas/thoughts that I have had about "unwritten expectations" that sometimes seem to come up and can cause divides or cause people to not like chat.

  • Please feel free to jump into whatever the current conversation is.

  • Please at *least* say hello and when people ask what's going on- please respond in general. If you don't- then it seems unfriendly.
  • Please try to greet everyone when they come in.

  • While people *should* and hopefully will maybe ask you general questions re: how's it going, and such- generally there isn't going to be a whole lot of roping you into the conversation. This might feel uncomfortable.

  • *Please* try to remember (including myself) that not everyone gets inside jokes and that sometimes it is really nice to try to make a little extra effort to include a new or more shy person into the conversation.

  • Remember, it can also be hard when there is a group of people (sometimes friends who have known each other for literally *years*) for them to sometimes to pull themselves back from having fun, teasing each other, etc., etc- (like inside jokes or talking to each other a *lot* more)- it honestly doesn't mean that they don't like you.

  • Chat should *never* be totally*all* about one person or two people. Private chat is there for a reason.

  • This is NOT to say that people should feel like they can *never* vent about a bad day, or frustrating situation- etc, etc. We are all humans and should be supportive. We might not know the answers but we can listen.

  • If a conversation doesn't interest you- that is ok. This is NOT anyone's fault. Please don't blame people for having different interests. If the conversation is about gamin for example- I sort of tune out. It isn't my thing, I completely don't have a clue, and that's ok. smile.png

  • If chat is quiet suddenly, it probably has nothing to do with you. Sometimes there are lulls in conversation. Try to pick up a topic (if you feel that you can).

  • Sometimes despite your best efforts at conversation making when chat has fallen silent it doesn't work. Trust me- it might *feel* like it is you- and it will probably feel bad (it totally make me feel awkward).

  • Regarding the above- there *used* to be little symbols that let people know what people might be up to if they seemed not specific "connected" into main chat at the moment. Unfortunately (which is the way forum is set up- isn't w/in Staff control- they aren't mean people) this doesn't exist anymore. Therefore- sometimes people are actually away from their keyboard, private chatting, and/or "multitasking- surfing, drawing, writing- etc.

  • This might seem rude- but if conversation isn't something that they necessarily connect to but they still want to hang around- they generally leave chat up and sometimes get caught up.

  • Tip for newbies: ok- yes this *is* a fetish forum and while it may very well seem to make logical sense to bring up that topic when that is a commonality- it generally goes over like a lead balloon. Most people don't feel comfortable having that be the first thing that they hear from someone- it makes people feel like a bit like an "object" and they would rather get to know you a bit and have a "regular" conversation.

  • People are sometimes get really a bit silly- be prepared. Please don't judge and get huffy.

  • People aren't *always* going to be extroverts. Don't judge people on the fact that they don't *immediately* jump in and/or if they are quiet the whole time.

  • People that seem a little "socially awkward" in chat do NOT = creepers. They may be, but it isn't a given at all.

  • If someone brings up the fetish- if it feels awkward- say so or not participate for the moment. However, don't crucify them and label them for simply bringing it up.

  • If someone/ of just the group in general either says or doesn't seem interested in sf conversation at the moment, it doesn't make them "less" of having the fetish. Also- don't bring it up *every* time a new person pops in, just to see if they are interested. This does *not* make you look good.

  • If the group doesn't seem interested in having a strictly sf conversation- it helps if you *try* to participate in the conversation- especially if it is completely general- like what movies people like, or yummy foods, or what people are doing at the moment- etc, etc. This shows your personality and will make it easier for people to talk with you/get to know you/ greet you in the future

Ok... that's what I've come up with- again these are NOT rules- just some guidelines from someone who has used chat off and on since this place started. If anyone has other suggestions *please* pop in.

Staff- if this would be more helpful in General- please move. And if this would be helpful as a sticky- do so. Thanks! smile.png

I hope that these things maybe help people. smile.png

Link to comment

I vote to move this from the Off-Topic section to th General Discussion or SF Forum one.

Also, I would like to second that--especially since Chat seems to jump-start my Muse--if I'm not greeting you/answering you/etc., it's probably because I have gotten distracted and am not currently even looking at the chat screen, let alone reading it, let alone participating!

Link to comment

Thank you for taking the time to write/post this tma! :)

Regarding the above- there *used* to be little symbols that let people know what people might be up to if they seemed not specific "connected" into main chat at the moment. Unfortunately (which is the way forum is set up- isn't w/in Staff control- they aren't mean people) this doesn't exist anymore. Therefore- sometimes people are actually away from their keyboard, private chatting, and/or "multitasking- surfing, drawing, writing- etc.

This might seem rude- but if conversation isn't something that they necessarily connect to but they still want to hang around- they generally leave chat up and sometimes get caught up.

I do this a lot and I totally don't mean any disrespect by it. I usually only do it if there are several people in chat, because I know the conversation will keep going without me, and I can pop in every so often and get caught up. It's my introverted way of "being around people," so to speak, without actually having to be around people. :P If I decide I'm done and wander off then it's not because I'm not interested, I've just reached my quota for online interaction.

Link to comment

This seems like a very useful, comprehensive list of guidelines that tma's taken the time to write up here. smile.png

Though, it seems to me that you could divide them into two categories: general chat tips, and guidelines on what is considered sharky and inappropriate behaviour.

As I've discussed before on the board, I believe sneezing should not be a taboo subject in the chatroom; in the past I've enjoyed fetish chat with women there. However, a man being too eager to ask about fetish chat can come across like a shark (I have done it myself sometimes).

So I thought I would suggest a couple of guidelines, mainly aimed at men who are interested in talking about the fetish with women.

Don't start chat about sneezing in the main room without asking first, or being invited. I believe it is okay to say something like. "Does anyone want to chat about sneezing?" or "I've seen a couple of good obs lately, anyone want to talk about that?"

It's a bit awkward, but much better than suddenly dropping in a line like "I've sneezed so many times today- damn allergies!"

That is not just idle conversation here. To us this is the equivalent of mentioning something sexually explicit in chat, with no provocation at all.

Don't initiate private chat without asking first. If you really don't want to ask in front of other people, ask politely as your first line of private chat, and do not continue if you are told 'no'.

Especially, don't initiate unsolicited private chat with a line about sneezing, a request for wavs, etc. Whatever you think, most people on the forum consider this to be out-and-out sharking.

Know who you are talking to, and behave appropriately- check profiles. If you can use the chatroom you can check people's profiles. Profiles aren't secret, they are designed to be viewed by members. Many members have their ages listed; many have comments about whether or not they want fetish chat.

If you are in a room filled with under 18s, don't start an adult conversation.

If you are chatting with a woman who says in her profile "I do not like to discuss the fetish with anyone but close friends", it is probably not worth trying to engage her in fetish chat if this is the first time you've met her.

Take 'no' for an answer. If you ask for something- fetish chat, 18+ chat, a particular piece of information- and you are told 'no', accept it first time. No-one is going to change their mind if you keep asking.

Some people who use the chatroom do not want fetish chat, and never will. Some people use the chatroom only to talk about non-fetish things.

Even if someone is in the chatroom all the time- or is a long-standing figure in the fetish community- or posts a lot of fetish material on the forum- this is no guarantee or obligation for them to want to engage in fetish chat.

If anyone disagrees with something I've written, feel free to comment.

Edited by Heathcliff
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...