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If you tell people about it, how long do you wait?


AltoFairy

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I got a question for y'all-

If you tell people(friends, significant others, etc) about the fetish, how long do you wait or trust them or whatever to tell them about it?

I know I personally am not that shy about telling people about it; my high-school friends knew, and my college roommate knows etc etc, so I don't wait too long. I've never encountered a problem or like ridicule from telling people though, so I'm not sure how it goes for other people.

So, how is it for everyone else?

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I've only ever told one person, and that was my wife.

I don't understand how you would tell all your high school friends and everything. Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret, how does that even come up in conversation? I've never had a conversation with a friend that went anywhere near the lines of revealing a fetish. I can't imagine how that would go.

"Hey, did you see that television show yesterday?"

"Oh yeah, it was great! Oh, and by the way, I find sneezing incredibly sexy!"

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I've only ever told one person, and that was my wife.

I don't understand how you would tell all your high school friends and everything. Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret, how does that even come up in conversation? I've never had a conversation with a friend that went anywhere near the lines of revealing a fetish. I can't imagine how that would go.

"Hey, did you see that television show yesterday?"

"Oh yeah, it was great! Oh, and by the way, I find sneezing incredibly sexy!"

haha I know it seems weird, but we'd known each other since elementary school and we told each other everything. My friend group was like five of us and we all knew who had what kinks and everything else like that.

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I could see where it could come up in conversation if you were having conversations about like more intimate subjects with friends, but I just find it so weird to tell any of my friends. They may have some idea from searching through my computer (which I should have probably hid my sneeze-related searches and material better), but I would be horrified if I had to walk around high school with everyone knowing.

I applaud your openness about it, but I could never be like that.

I've told one of my ex-girlfriends and a random girl that I was drinking with one time. That was about it

I currently don't have a SO, but I'd most likely have to wait at least half a year or more if I was in a good relationship before telling the person. I think I would need to build trust with the person and get over that initial period of blissful discomfort (the chase, trying to impress and all that good stuff) before I told a girlfriend.

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I've told SO's and close friends; this may be my strongest fetish but it isn't my only one. So, I'm fairly open. I could care less if people think I'm strange.

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Never told a living soul outside of the forum... so I guess the answer for me is never :lol: This is really something that seems to polarize sneeze fetishists - some just seem to have! to tell people, whereas the rest take it to their grave!

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Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret

YOUR natural inclination, maybe. Not THE natural inclination.

how does that even come up in conversation?

Speaking for myself, I was mainly friends with a particularly open crowd in high school/college. We talked about sex in general so the subject of kinks popped up fairly often. They mentioned theirs, I mentioned mine (and mine was typically the most innocent of the bunch and hardly worth a second thought).

I don't tell anywhere near as many people now as I used to when I was younger, but when I do now it's for context for things I'm sharing with them from the forum that aren't necessarily explicitly fetish-related, because this forum is a really big part of my life and amusing/interesting stuff happens here all the time. So basically everybody I am really close to knows. It's never led to any uncomfortable situations because I don't like to be friends with the kind of people who would make weird judgments or assumptions based on my telling them something intimate about myself - that's just the kind of relationship I prefer to have with people.

That said, I understand why somebody would never consider telling anybody, and I think that both approaches are equally valid, as long as people are comfortable and happy with their decision whether to tell or not.

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I know I personally am not that shy about telling people about it; my high-school friends knew, and my college roommate knows etc etc, so I don't wait too long. I've never encountered a problem or like ridicule from telling people though, so I'm not sure how it goes for other people.

I think it's great you feel so comfortable telling people, AltoFairy! It's your identity, but it's also one of the biggest secrets any of us can have, and it's your decision how many or how few people you want to share that with. It's definitely touchy. And I'm glad you've never had a negative experience with coming out! I haven't either, but we know there's always that small chance, whether real or imagined.

To answer your question, it's definitely a case-by-case basis for me - though I generally don't tell people I've only recently met, there's no timetable in my mind, either. I've been friends with some people since kindergarten and I haven't told them. There are some people I've been friends with for a year or so who I have told.

I can't imagine how that would go.

"Hey, did you see that television show yesterday?"

"Oh yeah, it was great! Oh, and by the way, I find sneezing incredibly sexy!"

It never goes like this. Not for me, anyway. Though maybe some of us are anxious to share and want to force it like that, the topic of human sexuality can come up in discussion pretty easily, believe it or not.

I have told nine people about my fetish this month. Before November, I believe I had told fewer than nine in my whole life. But for me, my reasons for telling people have evolved from "I'm 15 and I want to tell my friend a secret" and "You are my girlfriend so let me tell you what turns me on" to "We're both adults having a serious discussion about human sexuality." Yeah, I talk to my friends about more than TV. So whether it's teenagers sharing secrets with their friends or it's discussing more mature topics on an adult level, I think there are several ways the topic can come up.

And I've told more people this month than ever before because it feels good, it feels good to share this super important part of who I am with people I can trust. I know this openness isn't for everyone - I didn't think it was for me, till recently. You just have to do what feels right for you.

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YOUR natural inclination, maybe. Not THE natural inclination.

Agreed Mint.

I've told a few people, and it's been okay... Nobody really said much and a couple even said they found it cute. It's completely different for everyone when they feel comfortable telling someone about the fetish, a lot of people haven't got the confidence to tell anyone at all. Me personally, I'm pretty open with it. I told my partner before we started our relationship and he was one of the ones who found it cute (he gained the fetish very shortly after :lol: )

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Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret

YOUR natural inclination, maybe. Not THE natural inclination.

No, I'm pretty sure THE is the right word. It's most common for people to be a little reserved and not talk about what goes on in the bedroom. Some people may enjoy sharing that kind of thing, but most of the time even if you try going there people will be like "Whoa! TMI!"

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It never goes like this. Not for me, anyway. Though maybe some of us are anxious to share and want to force it like that, the topic of human sexuality can come up in discussion pretty easily, believe it or not.

I have told nine people about my fetish this month. Before November, I believe I had told fewer than nine in my whole life. But for me, my reasons for telling people have evolved from "I'm 15 and I want to tell my friend a secret" and "You are my girlfriend so let me tell you what turns me on" to "We're both adults having a serious discussion about human sexuality." Yeah, I talk to my friends about more than TV. So whether it's teenagers sharing secrets with their friends or it's discussing more mature topics on an adult level, I think there are several ways the topic can come up.

And I've told more people this month than ever before because it feels good, it feels good to share this super important part of who I am with people I can trust. I know this openness isn't for everyone - I didn't think it was for me, till recently. You just have to do what feels right for you.

I'm not sure I'd call this part of who I am "super important", but now that you mention it, I had a friend when I was like 12 or something and we did talk about the feelings we got when we fantasized and briefly shared our fantasies with each other, and mine included helping girls with colds. I didn't know it was a fetish at the time, we were just innocent, horny kids and this kind of stuff was new and on our minds.

As I made it through puberty, it became less important and the topic didn't really come up that much. If I ever do talk about that kind of thing, it's more of a general discussion that doesn't get personal. It doesn't really seem important to know what kind of sexual kinks my friends have, and I don't think they're curious about mine either.

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Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret

YOUR natural inclination, maybe. Not THE natural inclination.

No, I'm pretty sure THE is the right word. It's most common for people to be a little reserved and not talk about what goes on in the bedroom. Some people may enjoy sharing that kind of thing, but most of the time even if you try going there people will be like "Whoa! TMI!"

I can agree that reservedness is the "most common" feeling about bedroom talk. But nobody out of the dozen or so people I've told ever reacted in a "Whoa! TMI!" type of way. So again, I don't know why you're trying to assign something "the" natural reaction, when we're providing evidence otherwise. As you said in your reply to my first post, telling others isn't so important for you, but clearly for others here it is important - again illustrating that everyone is different. That's all Mint, Leas and I are saying!

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Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret

YOUR natural inclination, maybe. Not THE natural inclination.

No, I'm pretty sure THE is the right word. It's most common for people to be a little reserved and not talk about what goes on in the bedroom. Some people may enjoy sharing that kind of thing, but most of the time even if you try going there people will be like "Whoa! TMI!"

I can agree that reservedness is the "most common" feeling about bedroom talk. But nobody out of the dozen or so people I've told ever reacted in a "Whoa! TMI!" type of way. So again, I don't know why you're trying to assign something "the" natural reaction, when we're providing evidence otherwise. As you said in your reply to my first post, telling others isn't so important for you, but clearly for others here it is important - again illustrating that everyone is different. That's all Mint, Leas and I are saying!

I agree with zneeze and Mint on the topic -- most of the people I've talked to about this as well have been super interested in the kind of thing that I like, and I feel the same about them! I think it's cool and fun and interesting to share preferences, regardless of the type. I wonder if certain groups are more/less open about sexual things like this, though. Maybe it's a cultural or generational thing?

Anyway, I don't mean to threadjack! To answer the original question, which was how long do I wait before telling somebody (versus do we tell at all and why/why not), for me it usually takes about six months of knowing somebody before I can decide whether I think they'd be the kind of person to take it well or be interested. It seems a bit long but I like to play it safe! That being said, if the topic came up before that and I had a pretty good idea that they'd be cool about it, I could see myself confessing then, too.

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Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret

YOUR natural inclination, maybe. Not THE natural inclination.

No, I'm pretty sure THE is the right word. It's most common for people to be a little reserved and not talk about what goes on in the bedroom. Some people may enjoy sharing that kind of thing, but most of the time even if you try going there people will be like "Whoa! TMI!"

Society tells you that should be the natural inclination. Many people are quite comfortable with it, so it's not really the natural inclination. It's just the one that's been taught. ;)

That having been said, I tell whoever I like whenever I feel like telling them. Some people will never know about it. Some know immediately. It just depends on the person and if I feel like talking about it. I used to tell just about everyone because I was desperately looking for another fetish person to converse with. I was hoping someone would say, "Oh? Me, too!" It actually DID happen once, but that's another story. Anyway, I don't really have a "time" or anything. I just tell whoever I want whenever I feel like telling, I guess.

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I've never told anyone outside of this forum. I've known about my interest since childhood and that it was something that turned me on since college. I never told my ex fiancé, I was married for 14 years and never told my ex husband, and I don't plan in telling my boyfriend of 2 years even if we get married. This particular guy has the best shot of me trusting him, but even now I'm too afraid he would make fun of it. I can't imagine spending my life with someone who thought what turned me on was stupid.

I didn't used to be as private as I am but even when I was far more trusting it wasn't ever something I was going to share outside of a pretty committed relationship. Not even my girl besties know and I also have never talked to them about what kink they might have.

My advice is to wait till you're very sure the person won't reject your words. That you can trust them with anything no matter how dark or weird or silly it might seem to THEM that you know they'll take you seriously and respect you.

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I did not tell a single soul until I was 16 years old, when I someone I was dating. Only about 4 or 5 people know my fetish, it is really private to me and I don't feel the need to tell people. Also, I usually say I'm into sickness/allergies and don't say sneezing... except to those few people

This fetish is so ingrained in me, but my sexuality doesn't revolve around it anymore. I started being interested in sexual things around age 16 or 17, and I've had a happy sex life without using my fetish. The fetish part is mostly what I do when I'm alone, LOL.. but in the future I will tell my partner when we are super close/committed. :) When I meet people who are open minded, sometimes I consider telling them just to get it off my chest. I actually "came out" to a friend the other day!

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Even disregarding the natural inclination to keep these kinds of things secret, how does that even come up in conversation? I've never had a conversation with a friend that went anywhere near the lines of revealing a fetish. I can't imagine how that would go.

I think it probably depends on the type of friendships you tend to have. My best friend and I share a lot of the same kinks, and the only reasons I haven't told her about this particular kink are that I have been either not fully aware of it or in denial about it until fairly recently, and also the fact that I think some people think an illness fetish/kink is sort of weird even compared to other kinks. So even though I doubt she'd judge me, I still haven't told her.

It could, however, have come up easily in conversation as recently as yesterday. I told her I'd been reading fics for White Collar and really wanted to watch the show. Later on, she asked why I'd happened to be reading WC fics and I had to vague up my answer for her to avoid the subject ("uhhhh... I was in the mood for h/c fic").

...Which means that if she is also secretly a member of this board, I have probably now outed myself to her. Hi, bestie! ;-)

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Ack! I forgot to answer the original question in my post up there (and I don't have editing permission yet). Sorry for the threadjack! I have never told anyone, ever, except people on this forum. Does it count as "telling" when no one here really knows anything about me?

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I have only told 4 people and they were only people I was in a relationship with. For my first (and longest) relationship I waited months and was extremely nervous about it. Then each time after that it became easier to tell because I understood that people don't think your a freak for having the fetish hehe. I only waited weeks to tell the other partners.

I personally would never tell my friends, family, etc about the fetish though. This may just be me but I think guys don't really talk about this sort of stuff with their friends... not sure if that's the case with the majority of people but that is how it is for me. I would feel much more comfortable telling my female friends about the fetish because I feel they would be more supportive and open to it.

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