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In Which Everyone Survives (but a certain someone overworks himself) M/M Bagginshield - Secret Santa for Masking


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This Secret Santa was an absolute DREAM for me to be tasked with seeing as Bagginshield is one of my OTPs. So much love for those two. Um...think also includes some of my own headcanons if that's ok? Massive dwarf sneezes, Bilbo being too little for a lot of things, mild size!kink and ace!Bilbo. I have so many ideas for this I'm gonna split this into a two-parter so it's not epically long - hope that's ok!


Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, stirred and some words echoed in his head, as if from a dream.

"The eagles, Thorin, look - the eagles are coming. Thorin...Thorin...?"

The last words were fraught with fear, desperation and pain and Thorin opened his eyes, blinked sleepily and then travelled to his left.

And there was the owner of the dream voice. Master Bilbo Baggins, his burglar, his Hobbit, clutching his hand and staring at him with shining eyes.

"I told you the eagles would come." he whispered, gripping him tight.

"Master Baggins!" Thorin gasped, barely registering the sharp pain in his stomach as he lurched forward and gripped the hobbit tight, crushing his lips against his.

It was as he broke away he noticed his wounded stomach and cried out in pain, laying back down.

Bilbo backed away, shocked, "You, er, you need to rest that,.." he muttered before letting the healer rush forward to attend to the dwarf-king's wound.

Bilbo sat on the balcony, looking out onto the pinkish-blue sky. Thorin had kissed him. He ran his fingers gently round his lips, where the warm taste of the dwarf lingered. Why had Thorin kissed him? Was it a dwarf thing? Did dwarves just...kiss their friends and comrades? He thought back to his unexpected journey with the dwarves and found he didn't remember any of them kissing at any point. And none of them had ever kissed him, certainly not. Bilbo would have remembered his first kiss.

"You seem deep in thought, little one."

Bilbo started, he hadn't noticed the elven healer next to him and he blushed when he realised she had been one of the ones in Thorin's room.

"Well - ah. You, er, you saw what happened...in there..."

"You needn't feel shame, Master Baggins, homosexuality is a natural occurence among all living things."

Bilbo blushed further, "Well, that's the thing, I - er, I'd never thought of myself as anything-sexual before. I'd just...never thought about it. Until now, that is. I mean, not sexual, but I'd just never thought about romance or sexual things until...until recently and I suppose I'd always just been to busy bustling about my hole in Bag-End but I'd never given any thought to it all and now Thorin kisses me and I don't know what that means. Not to say I didn't like it, I did, but I don't know...how..." he trailed off, realising he's been carrying on. The healer smiled in that gentle way that elves are inclined.

"You will come to know yourself in time, halfling."

Bilbo, after much pacing up and down, taking deep breaths. Much like he did back in Bag-End when he had been drafted into the company. Only now this seemed much more terrifying.

Rather than passing out, he reached up for the door handle and eased in.

Thorin noticed. "BIlbo?"

Ah, not so sneaky.

"Yes, I'm here. I just thought I'd, er, pop in before I start to pack up." he reached the edge of the bed and saw that the stool he had previously used was gone. He stood on his tip toes, "Er, Thorin? Would you mind...? I think we should talk face-to-face rather than face-to-bed."

Thorin reached over and plucked the Hobbit from the floor with ease, seating him on the bed next to him."

"Thank you."

"You're leaving?" Thorin said softly,

Bilbo fidgeted witht he blanket, "Well, I'd have to go back home sometime..."

"You have a place here. With us. Always."

"Oh come on," Bilbo smiled weakly, "we both know I only get in the way. I haven't been able to do any work round here with the rest of them without someone going 'I've got that, Mister Baggins!' or 'Here, I'll do that, Master Hobbit!' or 'Ey, you're too little for that, you leave that to me.' I can't really provide any help or be of any use to anyone."

"You're of use to me, Bilbo Baggins." Thorin interrupted firmly, "If not for you, our kingdom would be in ruins. If not for you, we would have turned back that Durin's Day. You give us hope and happiness. We are all fond of you, Bilbo. I...I especially."

"You?" Bilbo stuttered, "Then...that kiss..."

"I apologise for initiating that display of intimacy without your consent, Master Baggins, I was not myself." the king quickly replied, flushing, "However, the implications behind it to stand. I do harbour affections for you."

"You harbour...romantic...?"

"And otherwise. But yes."

Bilbo pondered, "I...feel the same."

Thorin looked up quickly, "You do?"

"Romantically, yes. Thorin," Bilbo paused, "I have a lot of things to figure out with myself. The extent of my feelings...I don't doubt my love for you but I have some things to become certain of with me, understand, just me. I would appreciate it if we took this...this relationship...slowly..."

And the king under the mountain beamed, "Whatever you wish, Master Burglar."

"Now, just because the healers say you can get up, that's doesn't mean you can go striding about the forges and straining yourself willy-nilly!" Bilbo fussed, "...where's my pocket handker..ah, here it is...what was I saying?"

"Cease your fussing, Master Hobbit," Thorin smiled, "I will be fine."

"Are you sure?" Bilbo stopped and looked up at his lover, worry creasing his face, "You were stabbed in the stomach. It was a brutal battle, if you were to open the wound again..."

"You have my word that it won't happen again." Thorin reassured him, gripping his hand,

"You'll be alright while I'm gone?"

"Yes, now hurry, so you can be back sooner."

Bilbo smiled and reached up to peck the dwarf sweetly on the lips, "Take care, Thorin Oakenshield."

"HEEEERRR-SCHOOOO!" Thorin sneezed for the fifth time,

"Laddie," Balin chided him, "Should you really be working in forge like this? You've barely taken any time to rest up and I'm not likin' the sound of that sneezing."

"I'b fide." Thorin replied shortly, dragging a wrist beneath his nose, "The repairs need doing if we're to rebuild this kingdom to at least a functional level."

"No great city is built in a day, laddie," Balin reminded, "it could take a long time before everything gets up and running again. And that means a long time for you to take a few sick days off."

"I dod't deed a...a...AAARRSHOO! HEHSHOOOO...Ah...ah..ih...ITSCHOOOOO!"

And that's how the week went on, Thorin stopping to catch each sneeze in his elbow every two minutes and blwoing his nose every five, nobody but Balin speaking up about it and Thorin shrugging the older Dwarf off before the cycle repeated itself.

"I don't suppose he'd listen to us, would he?" Kili muttered, watching their uncle sniffle and rubbed his nose before returning to his work,

"Are you joking? He's least likely to listen to us." Fili grumbled.

And nothing really changed until Bofur came running in, "Bilbo! It's Bilbo! He's back!" he sang, delight plastered over his face.

Thorin snapped his head up, "What?"

"It's Bilbo! Bilbo, Bilbo's back!"

As if work no longer mattered, the company rushed out to see their small friend.




And all at once, Bilbo was tossed into the air, squished on the ground, lifted up hugged, thrown about and waved around by his overbearing, overexcited dwarf friends.

And there he was, Thorin Oakenshield.



An awkward silence fell and Thorin turned around to give a pointed look to his comrades and they sloped off, grinning.

Thorin bent down to Bilbo, meaning to lean in for a kiss when...


Bilbo jumped out of his skin, "B-bless you..."

Thorin sniffled and raised his elbow again to let out another thunderous sneeze.

"Thorin? Er, you all right there?"

"A bild cold, Baster Baggids, dothig to be codcerd over."

"I'll believe you when you can annunciate your words, Your Highness, don't tell me you've been in the forges with a head-cold?"

Thorin looked away, "No."

Bilbo swiped some coal off of his cheek, "Nice try, King Under The Mountain, but I'm somewhat disinclined to believe you. Now let's get you back to bed."

"But the building..."

"Can wait until you're - bless you - better. My goodness, that is a terrible cold you have."

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AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The babes!!!! And Bilbo is all caring as per usual and Thorin is adorable as ever!!!

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OMG I'M DEAD This is too cute for words and Thorin and Bilbo are so adorable together ahhhhhh~!!(I think I ship them more than anything else I ship xD) Seriously, I love this, it's amazing!!!*dies*

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Ahahaha I'm glad it's so well-received, I was worried about my headcanons ruining it! Anywho, I shall continue - there's a bit more sneezing in this part.



"Thorin..." Bilbo sighed, walking in with a tray of tea, "when I said 'get back into bed', I didn't mean 'get back into bed and do paperwork."

"I ab the kig ad I do really deed to be doig work." Thorin replied, thickly rubbing his eyes and taking the tray when he saw Bilbo struggling, "It's a sball code is all."

"Small?" Bilbo repeated incredulously, "Small? Thorin, I've heard trees fall with less of a racket than you make with your - bless you! Sneezes - bless you again, and again - and..." he waited for the sneeze to come out, "...again. Really, Thorin, all you're doing is proving my point."

Thorin muttered something unintelligible and lifted Bilbo up onto the bed, rubbing his nose with his wrist and sniffling.

"Honestly, for all that 'king under the mountain' nonsense, you don't do a good job of taking care of yourself, do you?'' Bilbo fussed, digging a hand in his pocket and producing his own handkerchief, "Here. I remembered it this time."

Thorin laughed at the memory of Bilbo's horror at having to survive without a pocket hankerchief with his terrible pony allergies and blew his own nose. "Thank you, Master Burglar."

Bilbo grinned at him, "Oh, actually, that reminds me - can I trust you to actually rest this afternoon?"

"Of course you can't. Why?"

"Well, I was going to take a look at the gardens."


"Yes," Bilbo said, "see if I can help out with them. I'm no good at forges or building or crafting, but I know how to spruce up a green space or two."

Thorin chuckled, pleased the hobbit had found something he could occupy himself with. "Very well, I shall try to control myself for the afternoon."

"I certainly hope so." Bilbo chided, tapping the dwarf's nose with one of his fingers.

"You're back again, laddie?" Balin looked disbelievingly at his king as he stoked the flames,

"Yes - SCHOOOO!"

"I thought Master Baggins had ordered you to bed." Dwalin shouted over his hammer,

"Baster Baggids is a fusspot ad caddot codfide be to by roob - AR'ZHOOOOO! Like a sball child." Thorin snapped, "I caddot sibly lie id bed while by people work to rebuild our lad...HUH-ptchOOOOO!!"

"No one even expects ye to, Thorin, yet you're out here, gettin' your hands dirty - "


"Thorin Oakenshield!"

The group of dwarven craftsmen turned to see the three-foot Hobbit stomping over to them.

"What did I tell you about staying in bed, mister?" Bilbo snapped, shaking a trowel at the king, who - despite being a head taller than the hobbit - shrunk in stature at the scolding tone, "I trusted you, I knew this would happen! I leave you alone for an afternoon - ONE afternoon - and you, bless you, sneak out of your bed and back to the forges thinking you can single-handedly - bless you again, and again. Well, I've got news for you, mister, you're not - bless you thrice - going to be re-building anything today or any other day until - bend down a second."

"What? Why?"

"Just do as I say."

Not wanting to anger the hobbit further, Thorin bent down and let Bilbo plaster a hand to his forehead, "Until that fever goes down! Now put your silly tools down and get back to bed before I give you a...a..." how did one threaten a dwarf king who had fought more battles than he could count and had already been stabbed by an orc? "A...right good scolding..." he finished lamely.


"And I know that you can't argue, seeing as you're about to sneeze." Bilbo told him firmly,

"Heh, ah..."

Ok I know I said two parts but I'm enjoying this too much.


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What fun, a Hobbit fic! I saw the last movie last week and appreciate the alternate ending. :) Love stubborn!Thorin. His cold is much better than Dragon Sickness. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

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This is delightful! I love Bilbo's blessings randomly dropped into his tirades. Adorable.

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Alright, last part! Honest it is!



"Bless you." Bilbo fussed.

"I dod't uderstad," Thorin whimpered, his kingly facade slowly dropping, "I haven't had a cold like this since I was working in the cities of men. Even then I caught it from Fili and Kili, and they were only children at the time."

"Let me guess," Bilbo panted, trying to jump up onto the bed, "you were overworking yourself then, too."

"I had do choice," Thorin reached over and pulled his little lover up, "We were starvig. Dis' husbad was dead, I had two sball dephews, I had to work to provide shelter for theb."

Bilbo's face softened at hearing the hardships of Thorin Oakenshield's old life. "I'll put on a spot of tea."

"Here you go...one for you, and one for me."

"Thagk you, Bilbo."

Bilbo smiled at him for a moment. Thorin had always looked so regal and fierce, even before he reclaimed Erebor he still had to stature of a king. Now he was tucked in bed like anyone else with a head cold. Wrinkling his great nose at the steam coming up from his tea.

"Elderberry," Dis had said when she guided Bilbo to the kitchens and found him a stool, "always good for colds. If I know Thorin, the cold will stay in his nose and head and he'll go through a dozen handkerchiefs. Make sure it's extra hot - the steam will help."

"You seem amused, Master Baggins." Thorin chuckled at the daydreamy expression on the hobbit's face.

"I was just thinking how unusual it is for a great moutain-king to be beaten down so by a head cold."

"I've been thinking how unusual a mountain-king I am as of late."

Bilbo didn't know when the two of them had gotten so close, but the next thing he knew was that his lips were on Thorin's and they kissed, more passionately and more intensely than they had before. Thorin's hand was cradling the back of Bilbo's head and Bilbo's arms were wrapped round Thorin's shoulders.

Even without looking at him, Bilbo had learned the signs of an impending sneeze from Thorin and broke his lips away from the dwarf's.


Bilbo sighed and produced the spare handkerchiefs he'd picked up earlier, "Dis told me you'd be needing these."

Thorin smiled weakly and blew hard, "I really should be working."

"When you're better," Bilbo insisted, placing a kiss on his reddened nose, "for now, just sleep."

Thorin pulled back the covers, "I think I'll sleep more soundly with my hobbit next to me."

Smiling broadly, Bilbo shrugged off his jacket and clambered in, "I think I can manage that."

"H-ha..ah-ha, ha-haaaPFTOOOO!"

"Sorry, darling." Thorin sighed, sitting on the bed next to the halfling, reaching into his pocket and producing a handkerchief, he handed it to Bilbo and placed a hand on his forehead.

"It's fide, dod't worry about be." Bilbo muttered, blowing his nose,

"You've got a fever."

"You've got work."

Thorin smiled and sat down, "I think I might just get some paperwork done today."

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Oh my god, ADORABLE. I was hoping Bilbo was going to catch it! :heart: I can see Thorin being a softie around him and NO ONE ELSE.

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  • 1 month later...

Ahhhhh!!!! How did i miss this!!! And Bilbo out sassin Thorin?

Priceless!!! And they kissed and then Bilbo gets it...

The babes!!!!!

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