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The Guess Who


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Hi there. I did vanish for a little while, some stuff went down that wasn't conducive to writan and such. (will get back to that other story

Here's a short thing I blarghed out. Was initially going for cute with this, but it turned sarcastic with runaway stereotyping. =D


Nicole walked through shop's double doors, they slid shut behind her. She glanced around the white, well-lit interior, looking for the beauty aisles. Spotting the one, Nicole headed on with a skip in her step. Coming in from the cold never failed put her in a good mood for some reason.

The 27th had always been the day she'd go to buy Cath a birthday present. Her friend's birthday being so close to Christmas, Nicole was one of the few people who'd get Cath two presents. She'd narrowed her choices down to either perfume or scented candles. Cath loved both, but maybe she'd like the candles more-

Hi there!”

Nicole's reverie was suddenly interrupted by a very cheery female voice, American by the sound of it. Nicole bit the bullet and slowly turned her head to face the woman.

She quickly saw the woman was a shop assistant. Early thirties, in a white jacket and skinnies. Her well made-up face was surrounded by an organised mess of curly brown hair.

Would you be interested in sampling some of our perfume today madame?”

American, and pretty fresh off the boat by how much she was smiling.

I'm okay, thanks.” Nicole said quietly, returning a polite smile.

"Are you sure, madame? This brand's really popular back in Richmond. I only emigrated last month..."

She'd already started trying to sell with conversation, Nicole gave the smallest of internal sighs.

...so lucky to get this job! I wasn't sure what I was doing initially, I mean, the store's named after shoes but it's a druggists?” She giggled. “How does that work over here, for you guys?”

That was definitely her standard line.

Uh, I guess everyone just learns the name when they're kids.” Nicole offered with a small smile, trying to edge away by the smallest of distances.

Not faltering, the woman pressed.

Uh-huh. Well, we've got a lot of other choices her madame. A lot of it's very cool stuff, it'd suit you.” She gestured down at a waist-high stand by her side, covered with all sorts of perfume bottles of different shapes and sizes.

This wouldn't be happening if Cath were here. She'd probably do something crazy, like start singing. "American Woman! Stay away from me-ee!"

God she loved that girl.

No, thanks.” Nicole said a little more insistently. “My nose is pretty sensitive, so I'd probably start sneezing my head off." She managed a weak grin.

Nicole was just about to take the initiative and step away, but the initiative was already gone. The American woman brought her hands up to Nicole's face, perfume bottle in hand, ready to dose her anyway.

She was still smiling!

Nicole's response was mostly out of instinct but partially out of indignation. She slapped the woman's hands away, towards the floor. It wasn't in time though, and a misty jet of perfume sprayed out onto Nicole's neck, following through onto her chest. In the same instant the bottle was freed from the woman's grip. It fell like a stone to shatter on the floor.

A fiercely tickly sensation immediately flooded Nicole's snub nose. She started twitching her face around, trying to ease the burning of her nostrils. This was nasty perfume. Goddamnit One Direction.

The American woman had finally stopped smiling, now she was looking at Nicole with an expression of both surprise and anger.

That soon changed however, the ascending mist of spilt perfume must have reached her face.

"Ih-shyew! Ihshyew!" Nicole's eyes suddenly squinted shut as she was overcome by two high-pitched sneezes, quickly muffled into the crook of her arm. She could feel there'd definitely be plenty more. Keeping her arm right where is was, she glanced back at the American woman. By the agonised look on her face she was suffering much more than Nicole, maybe she shouldn't be working at the-


...perfume counter. The shop assistant held her big nose in the air as if it were a bomb about to detonate, her nostrils going with the idea that growing larger would help.

"Ih-shYew! Uhshyeeww!"

Nicole released again, the American woman following just a second later.

herrrRR-CHNGX! HHH-CHRNGX!” Her attempt to stifle the first two sneezes failed embarrassingly.

The shop assistant blinked rapidly, her eyes tearful. She was now completely focused on the itch plaguing her nostrils. Well, she looked pretty focused.

A few seconds was all the respite Nicole got before the irritation spiked again. She took in a hushed breath as she felt her nostrils flare against her jumper. Just before her eyelids fluttered closed, Nicole saw the American woman's nostrils bulge open.

Ih-SHYEW! shYEW! shYEW! hhh-shyew!”


She gave several throaty sneezes, drowning out Nicole's with their raucousness. She'd check that they hadn't drawn any attention, but Nicole couldn't stop sneezing.

huhhCHEWW! hhuh-huhhHHCHEWW!”

ihshYEW! Ih-shyeww! Ih-ihh-ih-shyew! “hh. Hh...!”

As Nicole continued to muffle itchy sneezes into her sleeve, the American woman seemed to have recovered. Nicole passingly wondered that her larger sneezes had driven the perfume away. The woman took in two deep sniffs to confirm the end of her sneezing fit, nostrils flaring once, twice.

Then her face screwed up again and her lip curled, revealing the whites of her teeth.







haaah... huh-huh...!”


huh! huuhhhh...”

Maybe covering her face helped, but Nicole was all sneezed out. The itch had almost completely dissipated.

The shop assistant on the other hand seemed to be stuck in limbo. She was a little bit of a mess now, make-up streaked with tears.

Nicole's heart skipped a beat as she realised her own make-up might be in the same state, but then she remembered she didn't really care.

huuhh... huh-huh-HUH! ...huh...”

Nicole could only stand there awkwardly as the shop assistant suffered in front of her. She really ought to consider a different placement. Nicole's small nostrils twitched in sympathy for a moment, before she pushed her nose up with the back of her finger.

huh...! huhHH! huh-hhh...!”

She didn't feel comfortable just staring, so Nicole started half-glancing around the shop.


Jeez, this was pretty torturous. For both parties. The shop assistant was really trying, too.

She tried pinching the bridge of her nose, pinching her nostrils, sniffing against the back of her hand...

huh, huh, huh... hhh...”

Nicole suddenly remembered she'd organised to be around Frank's for 3:30, she didn't have time for this! Well, the woman's eyes were squinted shut pretty firmly, so she probably wouldn't notice if...

Nicole glanced around surreptitiously before darting forward, bringing her face up to the woman's. Giving herself a split second to savour the irony, Nicole blew a jet of cool air up the shop assistant's enlarged nostrils. She darted back just as quickly, taking a breath to steady her nerves.

The shop assistant's big nose scrunched up powerfully, red lips parting.


The force of this backed-up sneeze sent the woman backwards, her bottom bumping into her perfume stand and sending it toppling over at an angle. It slowly finished its fall onto the white floor, landing with a crash and a clatter.

Nicole and the shop assistant's eyes met. They both looked quite flustered. Had she felt Nicole's breath on her? A few moments awkward silence ensued. It seemed neither of them were quite sure of what to say.

Nicole then gave a delicate sniff of the air around her. She looked back at the shop assistant a little sheepishly.

Uh, actually. I think I will take a bottle of that perfume.”

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Love the way they end up matching each other sneeze for sneeze, and especially the way you describe the way each woman's nose responds to the sneezing fit. Some great details - thanks for posting :)

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I'm glad to see you've returned along with writing another great story. Are you going to continue your previous story or are you starting something new.

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You have such a fun writing style! I'm happy to see another story of yours after so long of having been away from the forum :)

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