Favourite TV quotes

[Chanel_no5]

From "Last Man Standing"

Kyle and Vanessa are dancing when Ed walks by.
Ed: “Looks like two dogs trying to get back in a boat!”

 

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Gilmore Girls:

"You don't move or change. There's a picture of you in the attic that Dorian Gray is consulting copyright lawyers about." 

[Anonymouse]

"I think my water just broke."

"Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one... Oh, you mean your body water. That's much worse."

This one (from Brooklyn 99) popped in my head after seeing a Facebook announcement about someone's water breaking.

Samberg's character also refers to the doula as a "vaginal Gandalf" in this episode. 

[Chanel_no5]

Resurrecting old thread just because.

Here's a bunch from the first season of "Westworld": 

"I guess people like to read about the things they want the most, and experience the least."
- Bernard.

Bernard: "It's beautiful. Your brow. When you're angry but trying to control it, the fine muscles pull into a little arc. It's elegant. Would you mind if I recorded it? I'd love to show it to my team." 
Theresa: "No Bernard, you may not record it."
Bernard: (delighted) "Ah, there it is again!" 

"The only thing wrong with the seven deadly sins, is that there aren't more of them."
- Maeve.

Theresa: (sarcastically) "It's so sexy being compared to a frightened beast."

"You can't play God without being acquainted with the Devil."
- Ford.

"My father used to say; only boring people get bored." 
- Ford.

"If you go looking for the truth, get the whole thing. It's like a good fuck. Half is worse than none at all."
- Maeve.

 

 

 

[March Hare]

"I can't have the women in my life teaming up! I'll be outnumbered!"

Sayeth Lucifer, in the show that bears his name.

[All Time No]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Charles: “But you don’t even care about it Eleanor! I mean, remember? ‘Oh, hey, Charles I’ll never have a baby with you because I don’t love you, and a child’s not gonna fix that!’” 

Jake: “Oof, when he started doing the silly voice, I thought it was gonna be more fun, but... it wasn’t.”

[Chanel_no5]

"We can't define consciousness because consciousness does not exist. Humans fancy there's something special about the way we perceive the world, and yet we live in loops, as tight and as closed as the hosts do, seldom questioning our choices, content, for the most part, to be told what to do next."
- Robert Ford, Westworld season 1

So, to avoid spoiling too much I won't write out the names of the characters in this exchange, also from season 1:

Creator of AI: "Your imagined suffering makes you lifelike."
AI: "Lifelike, but not alive? Pain only exists in the mind; it's always imagined. So what's the difference between my pain and yours? Between you and me?"
(And people wonder why I always get an existential crisis after watching Westworld, come on! )

 

"Since it's liberty you're defending, I suppose you have no choice but to let us pass... freely." 
- Maeve, Westworld season 2.

 

[Selene]

From Magnum P.I., because I really love it

And what I love even more is when Higgins is losing it over a scratch in the precious Ferrari:

Higgins: "This isn't a scratch, it's a bloody gouge."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And from the Golden Girls:

Rose: "Where are you going?"
Dorothy: "To either get ice-cream or commit a felony. I'll decide in the car."

[Chanel_no5]

20 minutes ago, Selene said:

Rose: "Where are you going?"
Dorothy: "To either get ice-cream or commit a felony. I'll decide in the car."

GO DOROTHY!!!  

 

[Selene]

@Chanel_no5: Don't you think it's even better when you know that she's just putting on a coat over a nightgown while she says that? xD

 

And I forgot two things from Blackadder.

The one and only Baldrick with: "I have a cunning plan."

 

And one long-ish quote from my favourite Blackadder episode "Ink and Incapability " where Baldrick and Blackadder try to rewrite Dr. Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language, because they think Baldrick accidentally used it to light a fire.

Blackadder, while re-writing the dictionary: "Baldrick, what have you done?"

Baldrick: "I've done 'C' and 'D.' "

Blackadder: "Right. Let's have it, then."

Baldrick: "Right. 'Big blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in.'"

Blackadder: "What's that?"

Baldrick: "'C'." [meaning "Sea"]

Blackadder: "Yes. Tiny misunderstanding. Still, my hopes weren't high. Oh, and what about 'D?' "

Baldrick: "I'm quite pleased with 'dog.' "

Blackadder: "Yes, and your definition of 'dog' is?"

Baldrick: " 'Not a cat.' "

[Chanel_no5]

8 minutes ago, Selene said:

@Chanel_no5: Don't you think it's even better when you know that she's just putting on a coat over a nightgown while she says that? xD

Yeah!! Oh God, that's the beauty of those shows, the quotes works on their own but the visuals always make it better.  

Just to add another Golden Girls quote: 

Dorothy: "It's so hard to dress for a psychiatrist. You wear black, they think you're depressed. You wear red, they think you're angry."
Blanche: "You wear a negligee, they think you want to sleep with them..."
Dorothy: "Why aren't you arrested more?" 

 

[Klingon]

 "always remember do what is right because it is right" -Letters from Iwo Jima

"Ohana means family, family means no-one gets left behind or forgotten" - Lilo and Stitch

"lo there do I see my father, lo there do I see my mother and my brothers and my sisters, lo there there do I see the line of my people back to the begginning, lo they do call to me, they bid me take my place among them, in the halls of val halla where the brave may live forever" -Viking prayer 13th warrior

merciful father I have squandered my days with plans of many things, this was not among them, but at this moment I ask only to live the next few minutes well, for all we ought to have thought and have not thought, all we ought to have said and have not said, for all we ought to have done and have not done, I pray thee God for forgiveness (also 13th warrior)

 

 

[serpentspass]

I've got some Prison Break quotes that never fail to make me laugh.

Sucre: "What's another word for love?"
Michael: "What's the context?"
Sucre: "Oh... you know... 'I love you so much I ain't never knocking over a liquor store again' context."

Prisoner: "What the hell are you doing, John?"
John: "The Lord's work."
Prisoner: The Lord wants you to spread horse crap all over your mattress?"
John: "It's not in our place to question His will."

Lance: This is the best pie I've ever had. Do you know what it needs, though?"
Sara: "Hmm?"
Lance: "Some crack."

Store clerk: "Maybe I know your grandpa... What's his name?"
Tweener: "His name is Grandpa!"

[Chanel_no5]

Binging Star Trek: Voyager, because I wanna.  

Harry: "Captain, there's something out there!"
Janeway: "I need a better description than that, Mr Kim!"

Janeway: “Fire at will.”
Tuvok: “I have the will, but not the means, Captain.”

“Full phasers, manual targeting; keep firing until you hit something!”
-  Possibly Janeway’s best and most unprecise order ever.

Tuvok: “I was most insulting to you.”
Janeway: “Don’t worry about it, I’ve been insulted before.”

The Doctor: "It looks like an allergic reaction. What did he ingest?"
B'Elanna: "Just a cup of Neelix's coffee."
The Doctor: "It's a miracle he's still alive."

Paris: “Well, Harry and I wanted to explore the station. Um, we wanted to broaden our understanding of alien cultures, and…”
Janeway: “Skip the recruiting speech, you were looking for a bar.”

"It appears we have lost our sex appeal, Captain."
- Tuvok.

"But I've already prepared today's topic: how to keep your nostrils happy."
- The Doctor is going to contribute to Neelix's morning show.  

"It may not be apparent, but I am often amused by human behaviour." 
- Seven of Nine.

 

Aaaaand one that's more inspirational:

Tuvok: “There is no alternative.”
Janeway: “There is always an alternative, we just need to find it.”

 

[March Hare]

From BBC's Sherlock:

 

Watson: "Amazing!"
Holmes: "Meretricious."
Lestrade: "...and a happy New Year!"

Holmes: "Don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street."

 

[Joal 555]

From 1970s Doctor Who, a classic back handed compliment.....

The fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) speaking to Harry Sullivan (Ian Marter):

"Well done Harry, you're starting to think logically. You shouldn't take any credit of course, it's entirely down to my influence....."

 

[Reader]

The Great British Baking Show -first episode- 

“I’ll put in a wee bit more effort tomorrow and have one less pint tonight.”

😂

Why is this show so calming to me? 

[TheFetishPony]

Favorite quotes (funny):

 

"I'll take a potato chip... and eat it!" - Light, from Death Note.

"Well, this ant's about to get in his pants!" - Fin, from Adventure Time.

"Oh. Oh,  'around for us'! I thought you said 'Walk to the zoo and back'." - Cinnamon Bun, from Adventure Time.

 

Favorite quotes (dark/serious):

 

"..If you disobey even the smallest request, I will annihilate them, Robin. And I'll make you watch..."  - Slade, from Teen Titans.

 

"You are alone, child. There is only darkness for you and only death for your people. These ancients are just the beginning. I will command a great and terrible army, we will sail to a billion worlds. We will sail until every light has been extinguished. You are strong, child, but I am beyond strength. I am the end, and I have come for you." - The Litch, Adventure Time.

[Esstrosa]

My bro is dead he’s gone but he’s on my back and in my heart he lives on as a part of me if your gonna dig dig to breach the heavens even if it’s my own grave I’m digging I’ll keep going one I’ve dug my way through that means I’ve one who the hell do you think I am I’m Simon I’m not my bro I’m me simon the digger - Simon gurren Lagann

[Travel]

I just finished re-watching "Twin Peaks", all of it, I love so much of the dialogue. What's best is that it's often the kind of dialogue you can apply to your life: 

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee." 

[Chanel_no5]

So, these are double-translated. The show is in Danish, I watch it with Swedish subtitles, and then I translated the quotes to English. But they're decently correct. 

"I believe that we already live in a multi-ethnic society, and therefore it's a complete waste of time to discuss how to avoid it."
- Part of Birgitte's closing remarks in a debate.

Birgitte: "This works, right?"
Philip: "Do you want the truth or the loving version?"
Birgitte: "Truth."
Philip: "Your ass is too big for that skirt. At least five kilos."
Birgitte: "Loving version?"
Philip: "Dry-cleaner's shrunk the skirt."

During dispute between the US and Greenland (which is a constituent country of Denmark)
Minister of defense: "We have no reason to damage our otherwise good relations to the US."
Birgitte (Prime Minister): "And what about our, otherwise good, relations to Greenland?"

"Why is it, that whenever a woman gets a position of power, she has to: apologise for being a woman, be ten times as competent as a man in the same position, and promise to never favour other women?"
- Birgitte goes on a rant when people criticise that she lets another female cabinet member propose a bill to get more women into executive positions. 

 

* Maybe I should add where they're from, too. My latest favourite show "Borgen".

 

[matilda3948]

If you haven't seen "Killing Eve" you have to ASAP! It's delightful! I could quote nearly everything, but this is my favorite from last week from Carolyn:

"My time is very valuable...to me."

[bloom]

This is a livestream (so, completely ad-libbed) rather than a TV show, but in Critical Role, Percy De Rolo's "Your secret is safe with my indifference" and "Life needs things to live" are so classic to me.

Most of my favorite quotes don't come from TV, to be honest. Most of them come from livestreams or random (let's be upfront - McElroy) videos. I can't tell you the amount of times that "backpack full of applesauce, backpack where he keeps his applesauce, jaa'm's got that applesauce that you crave" has gone through my head in the last week. 

[Reader]

Hannibal

Will Graham (profiler of serial killers battling with himself) “Killing Hobbs felt good.”

Hannibal (the “meat eater” working with Will as his therapist/partner) “Killing must feel good to God  too. He does it all the time. And are we not created in His image?”

[Chanel_no5]

I love this show so, so much, I don't even care anymore that I have to use subtitles to understand more than every ten words.   It's so intelligent, and every time the main character is starting to get a little bit too perfect, a little bit too smooth, she does something really shitty or irresponsible and suddenly feels like a real person again. I'm in the middle of season 2 now and MAN! To think this gem has passed me by for almost a decade because I don't understand Danish, I feel ashamed.  

Again, doubly translated quotes:

Kasper: “I may not be one to give you personal advice, my private life is pretty fucked up, but if I may…”
Birgitte: “…give me some fucked up advice? Sure, go ahead.”

Birgitte: “Good morning Kasper, can you come pick me up today?”
Kasper: “No, I have a meeting soon. Can’t I just send Kim (the driver) as usual?”
Birgitte: “No, that’s not a good idea.”
Kasper: “Why not?”
Birgitte: “Because I accidentally slept with him last night.”

Adding another couple...

"Do you keep asking because you enjoy hearing me say 'no comment'?"
- Birgitte to reporters.

Kasper: “And play off emotions. You're good at that. Say something to the effect that 'I'm Prime Minister for part of my life, but a mother my whole life'...”
Birgitte: “That's just tacky."