Guardian Angel (original fiction, M/M)

[Subtly Clashing Wishes]

I'm so hoping these two will finally come clean to each other. Their feelings for one another is the least of their hurdles. Is it too much to ask that the Valentines infused apartment might be a catalyst for a heart to heart? Please?

[Juto]

On 4/15/2018 at 10:48 PM, helyzelle said:

It seems I forgot to comment on the previous chapter  Oops! Sorry! You know I loved it, don't you?

But really, these boys are breaking my heart now. The love is so strong, and they just... they don't think... but it IS mutual!

The way Zach thinks about Jonah is so sad. Jonah is just so so so close to what he wants and still so completely NOT at all right. Oh Zach, if only it was that simple. 

I wish they would get these misunderstandings straightened out already. I so want them to be happy. They are not now 

I hoped you would
Aww they WILL be happy I promise, but I also promised I would put them through hell first and I'm well on my way to doing just that  

On 4/15/2018 at 11:55 PM, Juno said:

Oh man, I had no idea who to side for in this part. Poor Elijah, being stood up for his Valentine’s Day surprise and then having Zach consider another man, or for Zach who can’t be with Elijah and needs something real! It’s so sad  I can’t wait for the next chapter to see if they can sort it all out

also, I just wanted to comment and say that I love your writing and the way you write their sneezes, it’s all just so good and I don’t want it to end!

I hope I don't disappoint   and thank you so much.

On 4/16/2018 at 5:25 AM, Hedgehog said:

It was good to learn more about Zacharias' thoughts - the reasons why he went to this party alone. But of course, Elias would come to protect and rescue him. In the end, he's still his guardian angel.  

To a fault. But for how long...?? (hehe)

On 4/16/2018 at 6:36 AM, Arty said:

Reading this sadness like: 

Me waiting for when these get their stuff together like:

Hehe sorry Arty

On 4/19/2018 at 8:49 PM, caramelfuzz said:

Oh my word this is so amazing!!! I binge-read it the other day instead of doing my homework and I have no regrets!
I can't wait to see how it ends! <3

Oh my, you binge-read the whole thread? Kudos to you then!
Thank you thank you. It won't be long now...

On 4/20/2018 at 11:00 AM, starpollen said:

Oh my heart!  Oh the angst!  Oh the adorable ness!...  Please never stop writing these two!

Oh my gosh thank you thank you

Careful what you say though, I may come to expect a good prompting when their main story line is complete   my inbox in always open.

 

[Juto]

On 20/4/2018 at 6:08 PM, Subtly Clashing Wishes said:

I'm so hoping these two will finally come clean to each other. Their feelings for one another is the least of their hurdles. Is it too much to ask that the Valentines infused apartment might be a catalyst for a heart to heart? Please?

It is in deed time for a heart to heart

 

So my computer did a weird thing because one comment was on another page and I'm about as tech-wise as a ... something extremely un-tech-wise...

Anyway. ONWARD!!!

In my defense, I named this next chapter before @Subtly Clashing Wishes wrote her comment

I apologise for the complete lack of sneezes in this part, this piece was entirely for plot.

 

Part 92 – Heart to heart

 

A sensation of panic and despair pulled him forward and Elias darted past Zachariah in the small hall, rose petals poofing up by their feet as he halted and stopped Zachariah from walking further in by planting a firm hand on his chest.

“Zachariah, uhm, could you do me a favour and wait outside for a minute or two?” he asked.

“Why?” Zach stretched his neck to try and peek behind Elias, but the light from the hall didn’t reveal any more than a metre of floor speckled with red. “Elias, why is our floor covered in rose petals?”

Elias contemplated various options in the course of a split second; everything from feigning complete ignorance to actually shoving Zachariah back out the door and dispose of all unfortunate love declarations before his ward had the opportunity to see just how far Elias had taken this. Predictably for the smitten angel though, planning never turned to action as Zach – curious, little pup that he was – had pushed past him and turned on the lights in the living room. The low whistle that followed had Elias scrunching up his face in despair. After having witnessed his ward allowing himself to be flirted with – and Elias assumed the flirting would have been reciprocated had Zach not succumbed to what was still an enigmatic outburst – this affair of trying to create the perfect Valentine’s experience for Zachariah in the confines of their apartment now seemed like the worse idea in history.    

“You did all this?”

Zach’s voice behind him was small enough to slither under his skin and lodge itself like a stone in his chest. Elias hadn’t moved – couldn’t move. He had no idea how to shoo all thoughts of wonderful yet impossible affections from his mind, and now, with the weight of Zach’s insecure voice gnawing at him from inside he couldn’t possibly arrange his face in neutral folds and pretend it was all just for a laugh. Well, he could technically, but he might have a small army of lovey-dovey-plushies arguing against him amongst a sea of flowy love sprinkles.

Elias’s mind was like his state; a graceless heap, undeniably, incorrigibly dead!

He hadn’t even realised he’d stopped breathing, body frozen, eyes unseeing until Zach came back to stand before him, coat gone, hugging a large heart-shaped plushie to his chest. He drew a ragged breath, hands shaking slightly when he noticed Zach’s eyes were red, but from sadness or anger, Elias couldn’t tell.

“You did all this even after I told you that I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s with you?”

Anger then.

Elias felt his heart plummet in his chest. He’d been wrong all along. It wasn’t that Zachariah didn’t want a Valentine’s experience, it was a case of not wanting a valentine’s experience with him.  

Zach scoffed in an incredulous manner, knuckles growing white where his fist was clenching the outstretched arm of the plushie. “I even let that guy tell me all his stupid pick-up lines while you were standing right there!”

Elias hung his head, all too aware that he had crossed a boundary when he’d fled the apartment in a flash of jealousy and anger to stalk his ward against his wishes. Not that Zachariah was technically in any position to give him orders, but considering their close relationship, Elias should have known his actions would not have been well received.

In his defence, he’d only meant to stalk, not actually meant to be discovered doing so, and he’d certainly not planned on begging for gracelessness within half an hour of finding his ward on campus. Nevertheless, Zach’s disappointment in him was justified. 

“And now you’re graceless again all because I’m an idiot without any idea what I have or what I want. I can’t even live my life without some divine perfection saving my ass all the time!”

Lifting his head slowly, Elias was met with the softest and most hopeless gaze he’d ever seen.  

“I don’t know how to do anything right by you, do I?”

The inwards directed criticism of Zach’s words took Elias by surprise. He’d been expecting the harsh blow of pure ire pointed at his unwillingness to leave Zach alone for even a single night, at the way his over-concern for Zach’s well-being had finally overcome his sensibility, but it turned out he was wrong. Again.

“You’re perfect to a fault in almost everything you do and I just wish-“ Zach’s face crumbled with the weight of his own thought. “Just… please.” He whispered, letting the details of his half-spoken plea remain a mystery. 

Elias could only imagine what Zach’s inner most plea was, but he was awfully content that it somehow revolved around him and judging by the hopeful sound of Zach’s plea and the way his stormy eyes held more affection than anger, Elias dared to hope it wasn’t all directed at his own shortcomings.   

The sickening mixture of guilt, jealousy and pure anger with himself for having upset Zachariah evaporated like smoke and he held out his hand for his ward who looked at it with a questioning frown.

Elias should have explained, should have taken it upon himself to rid Zach of all his ridiculous accusations at his own behaviour tonight, should have offered the broken pieces of his heart in apology; allow me. Believe me. Forgive me. Please love me.

But all that came out his mouth was:

“Dance with me?”

Zach had clearly been on the verge of tears, trembling arms squishing the plushie tighter and tighter to his chest, but he blanked at Elias’s request.  “W-what?”

“Dance with me.” Elias politely commanded, leaving no room for decline as he took one of Zach’s hands in his and gently pried the plushie out of his iron grip. But Zach remained motionless, looking at Elias in a way the angel had never seen before; a swirling combination of doubt, insecurity and something Elias would almost, almost call excitement.

“Zachariah Wentworth Benedict,” He would never grow tired of seeing the way Zach’s eyes warmed and his cheeks bloomed whenever Elias coated his full name in rich velvet. “Grant a dead man his last request and just dance with me?”     

With no more words, Elias gently led Zach along the alluring come-hither-path of rose petals that weaved from the hall to the living room, switching on the stereo with a quick flick of his hand as they swept by, and proceeded to turn to face Zach, curling a hand around his waist with a tender smile. He kept only enough distance between their chests to maintain a light air that only flirted with the blurry line between comfortable friendship and the closeness that Elias was desperate for.   

“Is this just a poorly disguised excuse to make me move and warm up?” Zach asked with a suspicious smile, but the growing heat in his cheeks told Elias his ward was already warming up nicely on his own.

He sighed dramatically and aimed a genuine smile in Zach’s direction, wondering for a brief moment about the instant catch in Zach’s breath, but a few beats later, Zach seemed to relax into his sway in tune with the music and Elias felt hesitant fingers crawl around his hips and dig into the soft skin at the small of his back as Zach pulled himself a little closer.

Feeling content with once again having Zach safe and warm in his arms, Elias dared to revisit tonight’s mystery, but Zach just remained silent at his questions, eyes looking everywhere but at Elias.

The graceless angel sighed, feeling a little defeated. “If you don’t want to tell me what happened tonight, I’ll respect that. I won’t ask again.” He assured Zach with a tender nuzzle on his lower back, feeling his ward draw a slow breath.

“It’s just…” Zach started, but paused. “Elias, I just wish-.“ Again, the request was left unspoken and only expressed with a shake of Zach’s head. “Never mind what I wish.” He concluded in a defeated voice.

Elias wanted very much to assure Zachariah, that whatever this wish was, Elias would make it his after-life’s mission to grant it, but Zach robbed him of the chance to form any coherent words when he nuzzled his face into Elias’s chest, resting his toasty cheek by the angel’s sternum. Out of their own accord, the guardian’s arms tightened around him and his breath was stolen when Zach hummed contently against him, unruly curls tickling his chin. The graceless angel couldn’t resist pressing his lips into them.  

A moment of torturous, agonizing bliss passed before Zach seemed to realise how intimate his move had seemed, and pulled away with an embarrassed chuckle. 

“I bet you wish you were sharing this dance with Amelia and not me.”

Suddenly, Elias had an uncomfortable flashback to a night of fever, of medicines that wouldn’t offer relief and of a white lie told to protect Zach’s fragile heart and his own contractual guardianship. But with Zachariah looking so abashed and discomfited at arm’s length, drawn back from Elias’s chest and leaving a bleeding, wailing wound in his wake, it was difficult to hold on to even a shred of that white lie.  

 “Zachariah, there never was an Amelia.” Elias found himself admitting before his mind could do anything to stop his mouth. “Not in the way you think.”

“What?” Zach’s voice was quiet, bordering on fearful, and Elias was almost afraid to continue when he noticed the swirling hurt and confusion in Zach’s eyes. But Zach didn’t move away. Elias took a deep breath to ready himself for an overdue explanation.

“Amelia was my younger sister. Even though I held her in high regard despite her being stubborn and teasing-.“ He broke off with a chuckle as he recalled the way she would snatch the food off his plate and blame him for getting her gowns all muddy. “-I never loved her, as I love-“

His sense tried in vain to stop the truth from being spilled, but Elias’s dead heart wouldn’t listen. One lie was rectified, and with it came a roaring flood of bottled up affection that Elias could no longer contain, and he started to shake lightly in anticipation of finally, finally having the half-truths and concealed emotions unchained from his chest to unveil only those emotions which filled him to the brim with happiness.

Zach’s eyes were intense enough to burn a whole straight through his sapphire ones, body tensed in a way that suggested Zach was waiting for the harsh blow of a truth he wasn’t sure he would survive and so Elias stepped closer, closing the distance that Zach had created to wrap his arms more firmly around him, feeling his ward stiffen as he tucked his head under his chin. The touch of Elias’s lips to his hair made Zach liquify a little more, growing more and more pliant in his angel’s arms while soft hands worked soothingly up and down his back and even softer lips continued to nuzzle his hair.

The ward uttered no words while Elias worked the tension from him, and when Zach hesitantly brought his hands up to rest on Elias’s hips, befuddled face still tucked securely away under Elias’s chin, the guardian could finally admit the truth.

“Zachariah, I have only ever been in love with one person. This person has turned my whole existence around, literally.” The body in his arms stiffened at the words but relaxed again when Elias angled his head to place a kiss on his forehead. “And from the first day I saw him, yes, him,” he added when a gasp of surprise sounded against his chest. “Balled up under a mountain of blankets and pillows, sick and alone and miserable something inside me just… clicked, and the hollow in my chest that I’d carried since that enemy soldier put a bullet in me-“ his lips produced a small smile as a shy finger came up to touch the mark of his chest. “-was suddenly filled a desire to care for this person. That desire turned effortlessly to affection when we started to communicate through ready-made tea and broken mirrors.”

Elias’s had expected some form of reaction from Zach by now, but the ward remained silent, fingers resting on Elias’s chest above the bullet-shaped scar. “And the day I revealed myself to him and he said my name, I knew I would never be able to leave him.”      

When the words he’d kept so carefully under wraps for so long spilled from his lips into the shared intimacy between their bodies, Elias felt the weight of a thousand bullets being lifted from his chest. Zachariah was quiet, too quiet for Elias’s liking, but he couldn’t stop the flow of words now that the gates had been opened.
The worry, the fear that Zachariah would misinterpret his affections, or even worse, reject them – and him – still filled him with dread, but he was too far gone now, way past the point of no return and if Zach filled his next breath with words of disdain, Elias would accept his refusal with all the grace he could muster, but he could no longer live this half-hearted pretend when every fibre in his body begged to be accepted and loved in return.

So, he let the words flow.

And yet he knew, that no matter what happened now, no matter how Zachariah perceived his confessions, that whatever Elias secretly hoped for their future could never be. He was still a guardian bound by contract to protect his ward and any relationship surpassing that was forbidden, but the need to rectify his lie, to reveal the true nature of his heart had driven him beyond the reach of sense, beyond the border of propriety, the secrets in his chest too heavy a burden to carry alone anymore.

“I love you.” He finally whispered into Zachariah’s hair, torn between hoping that the words would make a lasting imprint and have Zach miss them altogether for the hopeless and devastating truth they carried. “It’s only ever been you, Zachariah. Always.”

Zach was still silent but had made no move to disentangle himself from Elias’ arms. Elias prayed his silence was caused by Zach slowly piecing fragments together to fit Elias’s words into the plausible truth he knew, and not outright shock from the revelation. Regardless, the angel needed to offer him a way out.

“If, uhh, i-if you’re not comfortable with that I understand. Say the word and I’ll request a transfer, remove myse-"

The word transfer sent a sudden jolt through Zach’s body and he finally lifted his head to look at Elias. The guardian lost his ability to speak. The stormy grey-blue eyes that Elias knew better than any other colour on earth had changed. A still, anchoring calm had settled in them, a liquified depth that pulled Elias closer, beckoning him like the call of a siren and he was helpless to obey. The hand that came up to caress his cheek was cold and shivery, but soft and reassuring.

“You love me.”

It was a statement, not a question and Zach’s voice had been almost too low for Elias to hear.

“You love me.”

A little louder this time with subtle undertones of incredulous wonder woven into the soft breath.

Elias could only nod, throat tight as he squeezed Zach’s body closer as if he could force it through his chest and into his heart where he already had a place waiting for him. He felt rather than heard small puffs of breath against his chest but before he could regain his ability to form words, Zach had pushed himself up on his toes, and without breaking entanglement, pressed his lips against Elias’s.

The kiss happened without fanfare. No blaring horns burst from the sky in celebration, no angelical choir emerged to sing their praises. Nothing. Zach’s lips felt warm, but timid, the press of his body against Elias’s even more unsure, but it was everything Elias had dreamed it would be; the glorious acceptance of his affections, spoken not verbally, but through gestures of affection, as shy and uncertain as Zach himself.

Every nerve ending in Elias’s body seemed to swarm to the one spot where his lips were still connected to Zach’s. His lips sang with a buzzing current that only intensified and threw flashes of pleasure through his entire body when Zach smiled breathlessly against them before initiating another kiss.    

As sweet and wonderful as it was, somewhere in the back of his head, his mind screamed for him to stop.  He knew it was wrong! He knew it was forbidden! He knew he would cause havoc on earth for letting this happen, but no bone in his body made any attempt to move away. He held his ground, gladly accepting everything that Zach was willing to give him without pushing him to give anymore, wishing the world would stop spinning so he could be allowed to morph into the only person in the entire world he cared about.

He ought to stop. Now. He ordered his brain to move away, to loosen the fiercely indulgent and protective grip he had around Zachariah’s waist and move away.

He waited for himself to follow the sensible order.

A beat. Nothing happened.

Elias slid his hand up under Zach’s shirt to force their bodies closer while angling his mouth to deepen the kiss, nearly bursting with euphoria when Zach hummed in reply, hands fumbling endearingly before coming to rest on Elias’s biceps, squeezing gently. Elias responded to the unvoiced plea for him to not move away by murmuring “I’m yours” into the soft skin at Zach’s throat, punctuating the promise by placing a soft kiss there as well. 

He only tore his mouth away when he felt an unpleasant, blazing heat emanating from his pocket. Zach’s lips moved unabashedly to plant kisses along his jaw and neck while Elias reached into his pocket, pulling out a small piece of parchment with smouldering edges. As he watched with what little attention was not dedicated to the way Zach was pulling his shirt down to let his lips ghost over his clavicle, letters appeared on the parchment.

 

You have been summoned to the 5^th heaven where you will face accusations

 on the grounds of intimate relations with your ward.

 

Elias froze with a strangled sound. Zach paused in his adoration of his skin to utter his name in fearful bewilderment, but Elias didn’t have time to explain before, to his alarm, more ominous words appeared.

 

Prepare for immediate suspension and removal to a holding cell to await trial. 

 

Before the words had truly sunk in and he could reach out to hug Zachariah closer to his chest, unwilling to part from him for anything in the world his ward had already been taken from his hold. From his heart.

“No! Zachariah?!”

The name forever imprinted on his dead heart was the last sound he uttered before their living room melted away and an unearthly bright light filled his vision. 

 

TBC…

 

 

 

Edited April 22, 2018 by Juto
weird spacing happened???! I hope it's fixed now.

[starpollen]

Yes!... 

And NO!!... 

gaahhh cliffhangers!... 

[Arty]

What the flying fucking monkeys!? Yasssss they kiss!! No!!! Ominous things are......are happening!!!!! Noooooo

[Kaze Wo Hiku]

Oh well shit has just hit the fan hasn't it...........

 

[chronic reader]

So I can’t PM yet.  I just binged this whole thing and it is one of the most beautiful drabble fics ever and I wanted to let @Juto know that I will be awaiting (as long as it takes) for the next installment❤️❤️❤️

[ichixshiro14]

On 2/3/2019 at 10:59 PM, loyal-phan said:

So I can’t PM yet.  I just binged this whole thing and it is one of the most beautiful drabble fics ever and I wanted to let @Juto know that I will be awaiting (as long as it takes) for the next installment❤️❤️❤️

Ditto!! What a cliffhanger 😱😱😱

[BardwithaBlade]

Ohmygosh 

Wow

No joke, I just spent all morning binging this, I love Elias and Zach so much. Just my luck to catch up to such a huge cliffhanger. 

I'd meant to make note of a few favorite things as I read so I could gush properly, but never actually did and now I wouldn't know where to start. Suffice it to say my heart totally skips a beat every time Zach calls Elias "Master Universe" & I'm such a sucker for sick Elias and scolding Zach.

Just... wow 😍😍😍

[Alabaster]

Honestly, it's not even fair how good this is.

[2SHY222]

Two weeks of reading and I end on a MEGA cliffhanger 😱😵 

Sorry this is my first post on this thread. @Juto I am in love with your writing. I laughed, melted, cried, and died. The love and humor swept me off my feet 🥰 I don't know if and when you'll finish this amazing  saga but I just wanted to applaud you for these amazing characters 👏👏👏🙌 🙌🙌

[Juto]

So... I had every intention of coming back here to finish this story. It's been knawing at me for years.  And I had promised my forum friends time and time again to do just that...

... and now, 3½ years later... I HAVE XD

Please bear in mind that like 98% of this stuff was written 4 years or so ago, and I'd like to think I've evolved as a writer since then, but I have no intention of spending a decade re-writing the parts, so please accept them as they are, flawed, spell-checked (but only just), roughly edited, short and sweet in some places, chunky in others, but finished.

Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this story and for the sweet people who have commented in recent years. So, in case you're still interested, here are the final parts (with an epilog coming as soon as possible).

 

Part  93 - Trial

Zach was slowly pulled from somewhere between exhaustion and unconsciousness to the sound of dangling keys and a heavy click of a lock. He cracked one eye open but met nothing but foggy darkness, so he figured he was still asleep. In his and Elias’s bedroom, there was always some minor source of light either dancing in from under the drawn curtains or the kind of angelic, soft light that Elias used to read by while Zach slept on his chest.
Absorbed by that memory and the ghostly lurking agony of not being touched by his angel made Zach break through the exhaustion and snake a hand out, seeking. But all he found was empty air above a smooth, icy surface.  

Keys jangled again, and confused curiosity won out over exhaustion. He forced one eye open in time to see a blurry, retreating figure glide through a wall of fog with a pair of wings sticking out of his back. He shook his head. He must be dreaming. Only now that he was more awake, he realized he wasn’t in his own soft bed but was instead resting on some makeshift mattress of feathers and fabric. Baffled, he looked around, taking in more of his surroundings. He appeared to be in a dark, marble room, at least, it felt like marble underneath a thin layer of smoke that covered the floor, coiling and weaving around itself. It dispersed momentarily as he moved his hand through it, but then quickly swallowed his hand in its dewy tendrils. It felt cold. Not smoke then. Clouds.

What on earth?

Or rather…

Images flashed through his mind; broken words, scrambled touches… rose petals? Nothing coherent.

“You did all this?” He heard his own words supplied to the string of fragments in his memory.

“Dance with me.” His mind added another voice, full of adoration and torn emotions, hurting and beckoning. A voice that sent Zach’s heart fluttering.

Elias.

“You love me.” Zach heard himself murmur in his mind and he recalled the strength it had taken to believe Elias’s words; words he’d never dared hope to hear, but words his heart had yearned for, for what felt like longer than his own lifetime.   

Elias.

A brief sensation of pure joy swept over his mind, soft lips against his, a promise sealed with a kiss.

A kiss.

A bolt of bright white light.
He had a sudden, strange feeling that the room he was lying in wasn’t any place on earth.

The sudden memory pulled another string of recollections with it out of the hazy fog in his mind, and with the dawning came the dread.

What had he done? Where was he? And most importantly… where was Elias?

He didn’t realise he’d uttered the last question out loud before a silken voice answered him out of the swirling fog. 

“They have taken him to a holding cell, to await his trial.” An angel emerged out of the cloud-like wall from the place Zach had heard the jangling of keys. “I’m sorry this must all seem strange to you. Don’t worry, you won’t remember much, if anything at all, after the trial.”

Zach sat up, trying to shake the murkiness from his head. Nothing the angel man had said made any sense to him. “Are you a guardian too?” he asked instead.
“I used to be,” the angel said with a knowing sadness in his voice.
“Then you know.” Zach said, voice strong despite his growing unease. “You know why I need to find Elias.”     

The angel looked away sympathetically, and Zach felt panic rise in his chest at the prospect of not being able to see Elias. His throat felt suddenly tight, confidence crumbling away to allow tears to well in his eyes.

“Please.” His voice broke, as he choked on a sob. “I need to see Elias. Please.”

The angel thinned his lips and lowered his brow into a thoughtful expression as he seemed to battle with his conscience.

“Please.” Zach begged, feeling his chest ache and burn with longing. 

The angel cast a worried look behind him, before producing a small key from inside his robes.

“We only have little time if you want to see him before the trial.” The key clicked, and the door swung slowly open. The angel extended his hand towards him and Zach did not hesitate to take it. “You must follow me.”

What did the angel mean by ‘trial’? But Zach didn’t have time to ask before the angel pulled him out of his cell, through an almost concealed corridor and out through another door. The room spun in Zach’s vision and he fully relied on the angel to guide him. The scenery changed abruptly, swirly cloud hiding smooth and bright marble turned to grim locks and dark floors, turning the cloud layer a murky grey. There were rows of cells around them, cells that made the room Zachariah had woken up in look like a five-star hotel. From the last cell on the row to his left, Zach could see a black mop of hair sticking out between the bars. Zach’s pulse climbed and he let go of the angel’s hand, running faster than he ever had before, fog flying around his feet. 

“ELIAS!”

“Zachariah?”

That voice! His voice! Zach almost cried out mid-sprint, before he skidded to a halt in front of the right cell, clutching the bars as his feet couldn’t find secure footing. Strong hands seized his wrists and pulled Zach as close as the bars would allow, crushing him, wrapping him in a silver white, feathery embrace while Elias’s hands cupped his face and crushed their lips together between the cold marble bars. Zach welcomed the crushing pain dulled by the softness of Elias’s lips on his that made his entire body burn with a fierce fire even the coolest marble couldn’t subdue.  

Elias broke the kiss, keeping Zach’s face close to his own. “Please tell me you’re okay, darling.” The emotion in Elias’s words made Zach press himself closer against the bars, squeezing Elias’s hands in his own two. They shared an urgent kiss through the bars before Zach pulled away, gasping. His heart was still beating wildly against his ribs.

“I’m okay.” He whispered, sniffling from the touch of the cold stone or from the giant chasm of emotions that boiled inside him, he couldn’t tell. He sniffled again, giving in to a small sob. “I’m so sorry, Elias. I’m so so sorry.” Not knowing what other words to form that could express his incomprehensible swirl of emotions, Zach just leaned against the bars, connecting with Elias’s skin wherever he could and let his tears fall.

“No, no, no Zachariah, please don’t cry, my darling, this was none of your doing. I should have been more careful, I knew the risk, I should have never let it get as far as it did. This is all my fault.”

“But it was me.” Zach insisted, voice growing strained with tears and despair. “I kissed you!” 

“You did?” Both Zach and Elias turned towards the angel whom Zach had completely forgotten in his haste to get to Elias. He’d caught up and had apparently been watching the emotional exchange. Now a perplexed look painted his features as he looked from Elias’s small nod to Zach’s determined gaze.

“I did, yes.” Zach was happy to note his voice sounded stronger, more confident. He turned to gaze affectionately at the sapphire gems that were focused only on him. “I love him.” He felt warmth creep into his cheeks despite the cold as he realized it was the first time he’d uttered those exact words. Slowly he turned his head to look at Elias, clearing his throat and smiling shyly. “I love you.” He said with more confidence than he felt. “I never said it back to you. But I do, Elias. I-I love you too.”

The warm and endearing look Elias gave him now was worth it all and Zach would happily have let himself drown in the feeling alone had he not been grabbed from behind by more than one pair of hands and dragged backwards, away from his angel, away from everything he wanted.

“Wait! NO! WAIT! ELIAS!”

He fought back, kicking behind him and screaming, arms reaching out towards Elias, begging. “NO! I want to stay. Please let me stay.” The guards who had grabbed him let him go, and he ran back into Elias’s embrace.

“Please.” Elias was pleading now, not to Zachariah but to the angelic guards who had tried to pull him away. Please let him stay until the trial.” To Zach’s surprise, the door to Elias’s cell opened beside him and he hurried inside, blocking out everything else but the feel of Elias’s safe arms, soft wings and the sound of his murmured words of affection in his ear.

“It’s okay, my darling. Don’t cry, it’s okay.”

Overwhelmed by emotions and exhausted, Zach gave in to the pull from Elias’s form now wrapped around him, shushing him, rocking him. Zach begged silently for another kiss by turning his lips towards the sound of Elias’s voice and was granted his wish before sleep pulled him fully under.

*****

“He’s so weak.” Elias couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sleeping love in his arms even as he addressed his mentor Izra’il, standing just outside the cell, watching them. “How long until-?” He couldn’t make himself say the words. He knew exactly what would happen once the trial was over. It was too dreadful to even think about.

“Half a day. Maybe less, it’s hard to say. It’s never wise to bring mortals through the back door to the heavens. But don’t worry, it’s not in the council’s interest to hurt him. They only want to keep him here long enough to get a statement before they make him drink and lower him back down to earth. This will all feel like a dream when he wakes.”

Elias was all too aware, and it broke his heart.
“And me? What happens to me?”

The apologetic silence from his mentor made tears creep up in the angel’s eyes and he wrapped his ward tighter in his wings, sealing them both in a fluffy cocoon.

“Raphael will plead your case to the council.” He heard Izra’il say beyond the wall of feathers that enveloped himself and Zachariah. “Hopefully, he’ll be able to soften the council’s verdict.”

Hopefully, Elias thought to himself. But it didn’t matter. Best-case scenario; the council would relieve him of his contract with Zachariah and let him keep his guardian status but assign him a new ward. The worst-case scenario? Elias didn’t even dare consider what punishment they could have in store for him.

But no matter the verdict, it was unlikely that Zachariah was a part of his future to come. The kiss they had shared was likely their last and the hours he could spend with him until his trial would be their final hours together.

Tears trailed softly down his cheeks as he buried his nose in Zach’s soft curls, feeling his even breaths against his chest while he prayed to every single patron he knew that he was wrong. 

*****

The murkiness was back. Zach was being gently pulled from sleep and guided through hall after hall of swirling cloud. It was so dreamlike that he didn’t even stop to question his whereabouts or who was leading him. When he came fully to, it was to the sound of a great hammer continuously hitting a hard surface. The room was silent around him and when Zach’s eyes could finally focus, he saw rows upon rows of angels, all silent, all waiting. To his horror, Elias stood in the middle of the room, wings chained to the floor like an accused angel. His eyes were fixed on Zach, not wavering for a second. Zach noticed to his great fear, that he himself was sitting in the witness stand.

“Order!”

The hammer stroke again and Zach recoiled, finding Elias’s eyes and held them as the judge above him let his voice ring out in the vast hall.

“Let the trial against the guardian Elias Luca Fitzwilliam and his involvement with his contractual ward begin.”       

 

Part 94 – Verdict

Zachariah was sure he was dreaming. Wherever he looked, cloud obscured everything save the scene that was unfolding before his disbelieving eyes, a scene he would have never believed in his wildest dreams had it not been for the pair of sapphire eyes that shone brightly across the room, never leaving his. They were the sole anchor Zach could fasten his fleeting and swirling mind to as wave upon wave came crashing into him, threatening to pull him under, pull him into a dark abyss of guilt and fear. Even though no robes restrained him, his limbs felt heavy with fatigue. Too heavy to move. He tried his best to concentrate as words like ‘breach’, ‘prohibition’ and ‘penalisation’ flowed through the air above him, loud enough for him to hear but just beyond the reach of his comprehension. The accusing words stood out as blaring beacons of fearful light in the darkness, like sirens, luring him into their midst against his will with the sole aim of pulling him deeper into the blackness. Beautiful voices meant to soothe and guide sang out into the room, but the song had turned to fire. Hands that were meant to be soft felt like daggers as they gripped his shoulders and made pointy gestures at the blazing blue eyes, which seemed to get more and more frustrated and panicky as each voice sang its accusations.

Finally, another set of voices sang for him in defence, yet their song was wrong. So very wrong.  

Zach had yet to use his own voice. The absurdity of the entire scene taking place had rendered him speechless, and he was convinced that should he attempt to speak, he’d find that his voice had been replaced by bird tweets or car horns; something equally bizarre to fit this outlandish picture. Several times the room fell silent and more than one pair of blue eyes looked to him expectantly, but he couldn’t speak.

“Please,” he heard a familiar voice say. “You’ve already kept him here too long, please just end this now.”

“The ward is clearly in shock. Remove his guardian at once,” another voice boomed. 

It wasn’t until the hammer once again demanded the room to silence and the man sitting above Zach’s position in what had to be some kind of podium spoke in a deep, resounding voice that Zach’s mind caught up with the happenings.

“Based on the evidence put forth against him, the guardian, Elias Luca Fitzwilliam is convicted of having broken the Guardian Code. He has broken the rule of secrecy and has consciously initiated a physical relationship with his ward for his own personal gain. An action that was not deemed in the best interest of his ward. Based on prior knowledge of the borderline infractions made by the accused, the Court has found guardian, Elias Luca Fitzwilliam guilty as charged and-“

“No.” Zach finally managed, loud enough to cut through the steel attention of the room. All eyes fixed on him again. “N-no. That’s not true.” He forced himself to continue. “I-I wanted him to. It’s my fault.”

“It’s okay, Zachariah.” A stiff hand was placed over his and the fogginess in his mind seemed to abate slightly.  “You’re free of his hold here. You can speak freely.”

“But-“ Zach’s protests were met by a row of angels whose expressions ranged from unconvinced to downright mistrustful, but he pressed on. “I am telling the truth.” He forced the swirling fog from his mind with some effort, aware that he didn’t exactly cut the picture of a trustworthy and reliable source of information in his current dazed state. There was only one thing he knew he could say without even the remotest hint of doubt. “I love him.”

The statement initiated a mumbling hum of voices all around him, but Zach only focused on the blazing blue eyes that had seemed to liquify as if they could magically flow through the air and swirl around his heart. He was focused enough to catch the mouthed ‘I love you, too’ before a sharp voice shattered his mind once more, stealing his focus and crashing a new wave of murky haze right into him, making him gasp and waver in his seat, nearly falling off.   

“The ward has no idea what he’s saying. He’s already been here too long to be a reliable witness. You must send him back now before his mind takes permanent damage.”

“Very well.” The deep voice above him said. “Seeing as he’s given his statement and the forthcoming no longer is of any concern to him…” The voice paused and Zach’s gut twisted. “Bring him the Vial of Oblivion and add his name to the board for re-evaluation of angelical assistance.”   

The hammer fell again, along with Zach’s last hope. He heard Elias scream his name in pure agony and only just managed to catch his eyes, which still stood out blazing blue in the white clouded room. “I love you.” He whispered, before a vial was pressed to his lips and he was forced to drink. One mouthful, two. Three. Arms enveloped him and the air that crashed against him as the angel took wing whisked all senses away.

*****

Across the room, Raphael sighed distressingly as he pondered what was to come. Next to him, Elias was caught in heart-wrenching misery, crying his ward’s name over and over as if it would somehow bring him back. His chains were the only things keeping him from harmful self-destruction. Raphael winced in sympathy. He knew the procedure all too well, and he knew Elias did too; after the proceedings of a trial such as this one, the ward was given a mixture to make him forget anything and everything that had to do with his guardian. He would be guided back into his life with the puzzle pieces re-arranged in a fashion resembling how his life would have played out if his guardian had never been part of it. Zach would wake up and continue his life, utterly unaware that a guardian angel had ever been part of it.

Raphael could tell the loss of his ward had crushed Elias more than the looming fear of his own fate, and he was sure that given the chance, Elias would always put Zach’s life before his own. Which was the exact argument he intended to make before the judge. He’d seen it repeatedly in the live-reports in his office, a timeless, unchained affection that fuelled each of Elias’s decisions.   

Elias had broken the rules, it was true, but the most vital breaches of his contract had been carried out to answer Zach’s beckoning. After the first and unwelcome realisation that Zach had had a stalker in his life, following him around, Elias had retreated back to being the invisible and silent guardian and had only truly revealed himself when Zach had called for him. Orchestrated a majestically fluffy – too fluffy for the Patron’s taste – celebration of their pretended love to please Zach and despite the setting, Elias hadn’t wavered from his guardianship. He’d been truthful and open and given his ward the option to refuse his services. He’d been professional even as his chest had burned with a fierce longing. And again, Zach had been the one to breach of contract, he’d been the one to step out of his role to initiate the kiss that had started this whole avalanche of accusations. It looked bad, Raphael knew, but Elias’s life rested upon his words now, and he would not let him down.

Elias’s life had been taken from him when he’d stepped forth in hero’s shoes to protect an innocent boy. He’d spent a lifetime serving the heavens, and he’d fulfilled the duties of his guardian contract with as much heart and soul as befitted a veritable guardian angel. He’d more than earned a chance to reclaim what his short-lived life had deprived him of.

Raphael clenched his hands. By the gods, he deserved one decent, untainted shot at this, and the Patron would do everything in his power to plead his case.

He stood as his name was called, sparring a last glance at his accused angel who had retreated so far into himself that he only sat staring at the floor, eyes seeing nothing but the cloud and marble in front of him. Raphael rested his hand upon his shoulder as he swept by him.

“You’ll see him again, son.” He added with the softness of fatherly emotion. They were all his children. Elias had been the little troublemaker of the bunch, no question, but Raphael respected him all the more for it. “I promise.”

*****

“It is decided then,” the judge said as the jury council had reached their decision based on Raphael’s plea. The hammer fell a final time and Raphael tried to hide the smugness of his success behind a business-like smile as the final verdict was stated. He thanked the judge, turned around and headed back to his formerly accused angel who was already surrounded by the jury making last preparations to carry out the verdict.

The Patron crouched down, so he was at eye-level with Elias who still looked every bit as if he was still stuck in purgatory, giving no signs that he’d been even remotely aware of the trial after Zach had been taken from him, all memories of Elias wiped from his mind. The Patron knew time was of the essence; the jury was already bringing a vial to Elias’s lips. He chose his words carefully as he said, “I’ve managed to get you one final chance at this, Elias. The rest is up to you, now.”

Elias blinked, barely wincing as the edge of a smouldering sword separated his wings from his body. The vial’s contents already taking effect.

The devastated look in his eyes was already fading too, replaced by a hazy confusion that had him drawing his brows up in bewilderment as the Patron put a hand on his shoulder and stared deep into his eyes. He needed to make sure his last words made an impression deep enough to cut through the oblivion that was increasingly consuming his former guardian.

“Find Zachariah Wentworth Benedict. Find him. Find Zachariah.”

 

Part 95 – Dawn

1 month ago

*Beep*

“…”

*Beep*

“Doctor, we have a steady heartbeat.”

“Yeah, he's a lucky fellow, this one. What was his name again?”

“Elias. Elias Luca Fitzwilliam.”

“Well, Elias Luca Fitzwilliam, congratulations on your new heart.”

*****
*Riiiiiiiing*

“Uhm, hello?”

“Good evening, sir. Are you Zachariah Benedict? Son of Mary and Matthew Benedict?”

“Yeah..?”

“I’m afraid I have some bad news about your parents.”

*****

2 weeks ago

Elias’s new heart sank as he processed the news he had just received.

“So, maybe I'll never regain my memory?”

The nurse gave him a sympathetic smile. “It's difficult to say at this point. After two weeks, the first signs of old memories should have broken through, but there's still hope. Maybe returning home to your apartment in a few weeks will trigger something.”

“But chances are I won't even know it's my apartment.”

“I’m sorry.” She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. “I don't know what else to tell you Elias. You were found by the side of the road, presumably a victim of a hit and run accident. You had a valid social security card with your name and your address on it and a set of keys in your pocket when you were found. Nothing else. The police haven’t been able to find any records of either family or job. You’re like a phoenix. Reborn.”

Elias hung his head. 22 years. Just gone.

*****

Zachariah tried to hold back tears as he squeezed his mother's lifeless hand in both of his.

The doctor placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Don't give up hope. There's still a chance they might wake up. It's only been two weeks.”

“But even if they do wake up they will still be faced with charges that could put them away for years.”

“I'm afraid so. The police discovered several hidden packets of smuggled drugs after the accident.”

Zach nodded, tears finally spilling over and running down his cheeks.

“I know it’s a lot to process,” the doctor said. “You’re of course welcome to stay as much as you want. Or if you need to talk to someone-“  

“I'm fine.” Zach answered automatically. Honestly though, he was anything but. His parents may have been absent and neglectful but they were still his parents. If they never woke up, or possibly worse, if they did wake up and were imprisoned for life, regardless of which he would be left completely alone.

*****

Present day

“Good morning, handsome. Want to enjoy your breakfast out in the hall by the windows? It's a beautiful and clear day. From this floor, you'll be able to see the entire hospital park. The colours are so very beautiful this time of year.”

Elias beamed at the middle-aged nurse who had been like a mother to him since he had woken up from surgery. “That sounds lovely, Lizzie. Thanks.”

“Sure.” She paused. “Get comfortable in your chair, I’ll wheel you out.”

Elias grimaced. Two weeks of recovery and he still wasn’t able to move around without exhausting himself. It still baffled his doctors.

“You’re just an old soul,” Lizzie had assured him with a smile. “Your body needs a little longer to heal.”

“An old soul, huh?” I’d sent her a sly grin. “Is that why I sometimes wake up feeling like an old man?”

She’d only grinned back.     

He heaved a sigh, but made his way slowly to the chair and sank down.

Once out in the hall, Lizzie wheeled him as close to the windows as his chair would permit. “Here's your bagel and your tea. Careful not to spill it. We can't have any accidents now or the good doctor won't permit you to leave the chair tomorrow.”

He flashed a brilliant smile at her. “I’ll be careful Lizzie, thank you.”

Twenty minutes later the *ping* of one of the elevators rang through the hall and a single doctor followed by a young man came out.

Elias eyed the young man curiously. It was the first time he had seen an actual visitor get off on his floor. He looked more closely at the younger man's features. He looked more like a patient than a visitor. His face was pale except for his nose and cheeks which were slightly flushed  and he looked like he was sweating. As Elias watched him, the young man looked up suddenly and took in his surroundings. He cursed quietly and rolled his eyes as he turned back towards the elevator and pushed the button frantically, hoping the elevator hadn't continued upwards. Unfortunately it had. The young man groaned and buried his head in his hands.

Elias felt the strongest, unexplainable urge to walk up to the young man and wrap his arms around him. Where the hell did that come from? Did he perhaps know this man? He looked again, taking in the younger man's curly chestnut hair, his thin frame that seemed to be shaking slightly and his pink tinted, but cutely plump cheeks and flushed nose that was just raised back up from his hands.

Elias had to catch his attention, maybe the young man would recognised him.

“Wrong floor?” He called out to the young man.

The man turned his head, looking in Elias’s direction for the first time. He produced a tired smile as he nodded. “Yeah.”

Elias held his breath, waiting, hoping, the seconds ticked by but the young man showed no sign of recognition. Clearly, Elias’s mind was playing tricks on him. Still, there was something about this man. Something familiar, although Elias couldn't place it. Elias noticed the younger man suddenly tensing up and bringing a fisted hand to press against his nose. His breath hitched a few times and then the younger man bent in half.

“Hmpft’ch! Hn’gktx! Snf! Hheh… He’ngxt’schju! Snf!”

“Bless you!” Elias called to him, before his own mind had bothered letting him know he was going to speak. His hands went automatically to his pockets. They were empty. Why wouldn’t they be? Why was he looking for his pockets anyway?

“Thanks,” the younger man offered him another tired smile and Elias’s heart went out to him. He didn't look healthy at all. The strong urge to hug the man, to comfort him in some way came over him again and he nearly made to rise from his chair.

With a *ping* the elevator announced its presence again and the younger man stepped inside and turned, eyes finding Elias’s own. Elias’s breath caught as he saw, truly saw the colour of the other man's eyes. The most mesmerising orbs, the exact colour of angry clouds about to release their wet cargo were looking at him as the elevator doors closed between them.

A few days later, Elias was granted permission to take a minor stroll (in a very slow and controlled tempo) around the hospital with nurse Lizzie at his side. Dressing, he padded his pockets. Something felt oddly empty, as if he were missing something. Tissues! Of course! He could never go anywhere without tis-… Hold up, tissues? Why would he need tissues? His nose wasn't runny, he wasn't feeling sick. He wasn't planning on getting his hands dirty… Then why on earth?

His head snapped up as Lizzie came walking in through his door. “You ready?”

“Sure Lizzie. Uhm, is it possible I could bring a packet of tissues with me?”

“Uhm no, of course not.” Lizzie went back out into the hall and popped back in a minute later, handing him a small packet of tissues. “Are you feeling ok?”

“Yes!” He assured her. “I just… I don't know, I never go anywhere without a packet of tissues… Apparently.” He added, more to himself than to her.

Lizzie’s face lit up. “Is your memory coming back?”

Elias shook his head. It didn't feel like he remembered anything concrete, only that there was something about tissues. The tucked the packet in his pockets and shuffled after Lizzie out the door.

*****

“Wow Lizzie, you were right, the view it quite beautiful from up here.” They were on a higher floor now, on the opposite side of the towering hospital, overlooking the bustling city below.

“I know. You're not the first Prince Charming I've brought up here.”

Elias turned to flash her a brilliant smile, but his eyes caught on a figure standing in the hallway behind her. A young man with chestnut curls was leaning back against the wall, his arms wrapped protectively around himself while a doctor was facing him, talking silently. It was the same man who had gotten out on Elias’s floor by accident. He’d recognise those curls anywhere.

As Elias watched, the younger man's face lined with worry and he nodded sadly towards the doctor. The doctor left him with a light pat on his shoulder. The younger man buried his face in his hands and let out a violent shiver before he raised his head again, his eyes slightly unfocused as he leaned his head back further before pitching forward into his waiting hands, sneezing.

Immediately, Elias’s hand had shot down towards the packet of tissues in his pocket, as if on cue. He suddenly felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and he swayed slightly. Steady hands supported him as Lizzie gently lowered him into one of the chairs positioned by the windows.

“Are you feeling alright, Elias? Does it hurt?”

Yes it hurt, but not the kind of pain she was asking him about, but a deep, buried, forgotten pain that made his heart clench and his chest tighten at the sight of the young man who clearly ought to be resting in a warm and comfortable bed where someone could take care of him and nurse him.

Elias would kiss his forehead to test for a fever before he'd let his hands roam over the other man's scalp to relieve the tension that had to be lurking there and then…

He froze. Whoa! What?? Elias would do no such thing. He didn't even know this man, why would his mind spin a scenario like that?

He saw the other man being once again overtaken by a few harsh looking sneezes before he attempted to wipe his nose on his sleeve after having briefly scanned the hall for any other useable objects. Elias felt the strange protectiveness wash over him again. He needed to do something. He tucked the tissue pack into Lizzie’s hand.

“Lizzie, go over to that man and offer him that, please.” Lizzie shot him a perplexed look. “Please.” He said again, willing her to understand the severity of the situation. Something was at stake, but he wasn't quite sure what. With a secretive smile, Lizzie complied.

Elias’s eyes followed her as she approached the young man who was once again leaning back against the wall, looking even more worn out and sickly than he had a few minutes ago. She touched his shoulder lightly, making him aware of her presence before she handed him the tissues and pointed towards Elias at the other end of the hall.

Elias once again found his eyes locking on that mesmerising, cloudy gaze. Rain-filled and heavy-looking skies set in a pleasant face with round cheeks and pink lips that presented him with a small smile as the young man nodded his thanks. For a second, Elias almost believed that the man would come down and talk to him. He had taken half a step in his direction before the doctor he had been speaking to re-emerged and gestured for him to follow.

Lizzie was once again at his side, taking the seat beside him just as the young man turned a corner and disappeared.

“What's gotten you so worked up? That poor man’s just got bad allergies, he said.”

Elias couldn’t answer. He had no idea, honestly.

“Elias, dear, you have to focus on getting yourself better before you run around the hospital and play guardian angel to other people.”

Not just people, Elias thought. This man, this particular man. “I think he needs me, Lizzie.”

 

Part 96 – The park

The sun was shining, big and beautiful and warm. The flowers were blooming, bringing the entire hospital park to life with their rainbow of colours. Vanilla ice cream clouds were dancing slowly across the clear blue sky and all around him, the trees, the bushes, the plants were alive and vibrant, enveloping him in a sea of green. Springtime was beautiful, but Zach couldn't give a flying rat’s ass about any of it!

He had chosen the most secluded part of the park to flop onto a bench, finally away from parents in comas, prying doctors asking questions he couldn't answer and that god awful hospital ambiance! He had had enough of hospitals as a child. Being a cancer kid, twice, had not been fun! But right here, right now, on this bench away from everything, he was finally free, he had escaped, if only for a little while. There was one thing he couldn't escape though. Every time he closed his eyes, a shining pair of sapphire gemstones were looking at him behind his eyelids. The same pair of eyes he had seen on that patient on the wrong floor a few days ago and then again on his parent’s floor yesterday. Zach hadn't stopped thinking about him. It had gotten to the point where Zach had almost gone back to the elevator to go and see the man, but he couldn't for the life of him recall which wrong floor he had gotten out on. And it was probably no good trying to explain to the nurse in the reception that he was looking for a patient with sapphire coloured eyes and, untamed coal black hair. Zach let out an annoyed huff of air. Right, there was another thing he wasn't able to escape either; his persistently poor health. Amidst dealing with doctors, police officers and lawyers his body had chosen to succumb to the worst cold. He had been trying to fight it off for almost a week now, but it only seemed to get worse. If the constant headaches and frequent dizzy spells were anything to go by he was pretty sure he was way past ‘minor cold’, heading into deeper into full-blown illness territory.

Not to mention, his nose was constantly bothering him. He brought up a hand to clasp over his ticklish nose as he felt the lurking tickle in the back of his nostrils growing in force and crawl teasingly towards the tip of his nose.

“Hn’mptsch! Snf! Hn’gktxt! Snf! Hheh… Hemp’ftschju!-uhh!”

Zach slumped in his bench as the sneezes drained him of energy. His lungs decided to follow with a wet and heavy cough that left him wheezing. Tears of pain and utter exhaustion sprang from his eyes before he could stop them. He was so fed up with everything! Fed up with hospitals, fed up with prying questions, fed up with all the shit he had to deal with because of his parents. It didn’t matter if his parents woke up from their comas and were sent to jail or didn't wake up at all, he was going to have to live without them. Easy. He had been practising that for years! He had no one! NO ONE! Hell, he could keel over and die right here on this bench in this empty corner of the park! Who would fucking notice? No one would give a toss!

His mental outburst ignited another flurry of sneezes and a following cough that threatened to shred his lungs apart. But Zach really couldn't care less.

He didn't care that every sneeze brought another handful of black spots to disturb his vision.

 He didn't care that each cough left him with slightly less room for oxygen, tightening his chest and squeezing his airways. He had an inhaler back at the hospital for when his asthma was triggered by his cold, but honestly, he couldn't care less anymore.

He looked up. The leaves on the trees high above him had started to spin. Zach felt a blissful moment of complete weightlessness before he hit the ground hard. The green leaves slowly faded and his vision turned black.

~ ~ ~

“If you turn right by the lake it will take you up to the most beautiful part of the park. Don't turn left, that's the boring corner, no one ever goes there. Turn right! And if you get lost?”

“I know I know, Lizzie, walk back towards the big grey tower,” Elias said with a smile. He could see most of the park from the windows in the hall, so naturally, the hospital could be seen from anywhere in the park.

“And if you’re not back in one hour?” Lizzie held up a threatening finger.

“You'll send out a search party,” Elias replied, smiling.

“Damn right I will! If you feel tired, rest! Don't put a strain on your new heart. You have to take it slow! Promise me!”

Elias smiled at his favourite nurse. “I promise, Lizzie.”

“Good, got everything you need?”

Elias padded his pockets and found a packet of tissues that he now carried with him anywhere he went. Yep, he was all set!

Twenty minute later, Elias was facing the lake. To his right, children were out playing, enjoying the early spring warmth, the flowers were blooming and the park was a picture of serenity. To his left, a slightly overgrown path lead to a remote corner of the park, that wasn't nearly as colourful and joyful-looking as the path to the right. Nevertheless, for reasons Elias could not have explained even if he wanted to, his feet made him turn left.

He and been walking for a few minutes, enjoying the comfortable silence provided by the heavy-leaved trees. Only a distant coughing broke the peaceful quiet. Elias frowned. This was a hospital park, but a person with a cough like that should definitely not be out and about. The coughing grew stronger as Elias followed the path deeper into the secluded park. A few tired sounding sneezes rung through the air, following by an even heavier and definitely not well-sounding cough.

Despite his promise to Lizzie, he picked up the pace, feeling his heart rate quicken in line with his added step. There was a dark cover of trees ahead with a few sparse white benches.

More heavy coughs sounded from up ahead.

Elias turned his head towards the sound. There, on the bench on the other side of the clearing was a person… A man! Not just any man, Elias realised as he continued to move closer. A mop of chestnut curls was hiding the man's face from view while his body continued to tremble with a new round of harsh coughs… That man, he realised. The man with cloudy eyes and heavy curls.

Elias stopped dead in his tracks and let out a mental “No!” As he saw the young man turn his head upwards, sway in his seat and tumble over sideways onto the hard ground.

And he was off. Sprinting! Moving as fast as his legs could carry him towards the man. That man. His man! He nearly fell over him in his attempt to stop running but he managed to balance himself in the last second and fell to his knees next to the lifeless body.

Pleasebealive! Pleasebealive! Pleasebealive!

With one hand on the young man's chest and his ear against his lips, Elias sighed in relief. He was still breathing, but it was a very laboured breath with a heavy wheeze. Elias felt the moistness on his hand resting on the man's chest. The young man was soaked in sweat and shivering hard despite the heat flowing from him. Elias pulled off his own jacket and wrapped it around his smaller frame before he gently lifted him up and sat down on the bench with the younger man cradled in his arms. The movement caused him to stir and his eyelids fluttered for a few seconds before they were able to remain open long enough for his eyes to focus on Elias’s face.

“Hey you.” Elias smiled sweetly, hoping he wouldn't scare the poor man in his arms. The young man opened his mouth as if to speak but pitched forward instead, burying his head in Elias’s shoulder.

“Hempft’schju! Snf! Mpt’schju! Hehh… He’Tishoo! Snf!”

“Bless you! Here.” Elias drew a tissue from his pocket, (he knew there was a reason he had brought these). The man blinked and gave Elias a hazy and questioning look before his own hands feebly came up to take the tissue. The small exertion caused the young man's wheeze to worsen and he drew a ragged breath before curling in on himself against Elias’s body.

Elias held his patient close as his entire body trembled as a cough fought its way out of him, gasping and wheezing. The young man kept his eyes closed as he panted in the aftermath of the coughing fit.

“C’mon. Let’s get you back to the hospital.” Elias wrapped his arms tighter around the shivering body and placed a soft kiss of his forehead, realising too late the wild inappropriateness of his action. He tensed as the younger man opened his eyes once again to look at him. His gaze was dull and unfocused and his voice was barely audible as he mumbled a single word before his eyes fell shut again.

Elias placed another kiss on the man's clammy forehead, not caring squat about the impropriety. Why should he? He could have sworn the young man in his arms had just called him “angel”.

He set off towards the hospital at a pace far too quick for his new heart. His pulse was like an overwhelming drum in his ears and sweat was slowly trickling down his back. He glanced nervously at the man in his arms every few seconds to make sure he was still breathing. A few times he actually had to stop to be able to hear the high pitched, wheezy breath over his own roaring pulse.

The young man hadn't moved or coughed in several minutes and Elias feared the worst

His heart protested painfully as he quickened his pace even further. As he got closer, he felt his chest tighten with each step, small spasms shooting uncomfortably from the muscles in his chest down through his arm and his diaphragm. He really ought to stop and rest, but the wrapped up bundle in his arms let out another lung-clenching cough and struggled to get air back in through a heavy wheeze and Elias found himself ignoring both physical and emotional pains in his chest.

Once he got within shouting distance of the main entrance to the hospital he stopped, almost falling over, and drew a deep breath.

“HELP ME PLEASE! PLEASE HELP!”

A small group of nurses, Lizzie amongst them, came running towards him. Elias sunk to the ground, no longer able to stand as the tightness in his chest blurred his senses and made his head swim. He was aware that the nurses were trying to pry the young man out of his arms and he reluctantly let him go.

“No wait, no! He's mine!” Elias tried to say, though sound barely made it past his lips. “I saved him! I'm his angel! He's sick! Please! Please let him stay with me!”

Lizzie had called for two stretchers as soon as she had spotted the pair of them. Strong arms now took hold of him and placed him on the small mattress. His tight chest refused to loosen and streaks of fiery pain shot down through his arm. The last thing he remembered before he blacked out from the pain was a few cold fingers gently caressing his own, before him and the young man got separated and wheeled off in different directions.

 

*****

“One deep breath, come on!”

“*Cough**Cough**Cough**Wheeeeeze*”

“That's it! Inhale as deeply as you can.”

“*Wheeeeeeze**Cough**Cough**Wheeeeeeze*”

“That's it! Keep going! You're doing fine!”

*****

“Charging! 600! CLEAR!”

*Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

“Charging! 800! CLEAR!”

*Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

“Charging! 1200! CLEAR!”

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

“He's gonna make it.”

 

 

Part 97 – The dream

The hallways were empty except for the occasional nurse on the early part of her nightshift. Elias had opted for the stairs, to make himself as unnoticeable as possible. Six flights had seemed like a lot for his heart to take, but somehow he had managed it.

He crept along, hidden in the shadows along the walls, looking for that one particular door.

Not that.

Not that.

Not that.

That!

Checking the coast was clear, Elias darted across the hall, coming to a stop just outside the door. He didn't know how he knew that this was the exact door he was looking for, but there wasn't a doubt in his mind.

“Hmp’tschoo! Snf! Hup’tschju! Snf! Hhah… Ahh… Ha’Atschju! Snf! Ugh!”

Yep! There was the audible proof! This was definitely the door he was looking for. Without further hesitation, Elias slowly opened it and tiptoed inside.

There was the young man! His beautiful patient, lying in his bed with his back to Elias and his chestnut curls spread delicately over the pillow. The door gave a tiny *click* as it closed behind him and the man gave a start before he turned around. His featured softened and his eyes shone bright as he took in the sight of Elias.

He reached his arms out for Elias and smiled affectionately. “Angel.”

It took less than a second for Elias to transport himself across the room and fling himself into the waiting arms. Both let out a content sigh as their arms locked around each other. It was the warmest, safest and most amazing embrace that Elias had ever felt! Even if he'd had his memory, there couldn't possibly be anything that could have matched this embrace.

The man in his arms tensed suddenly but didn't pull away. Elias grew immediately worried. “Are you-“ but he was interrupted as the man’s breath started hitching.

“Ah’mpft’schuh! Hh… He’nxt’ch-uhh!”

“Bless you, my darling!” Elias placed a soft kiss on the boy's forehead and felt a shiver run through him.

“Angel, I'm cold.” The man tried to snuggle closer to Elias, curling his head under his chin.

Elias chuckled lightly and fully crawled into the hospital bed and eased himself down under the covers

with his patient still tucked securely in his embrace. He rubbed his hands over the young man's back and up and down his arms. “Better?”

“Mmmm… Almost.” He shifted and turned his front fully against Elias’s, pressing his nose against his collarbone and curled his right leg around Elias’s.

Elias smiled again and pulled the man impossibly closer, wanting nothing more than to morph their bodies together. “Now?”

“Mmmm,” he sighed contentedly, then suddenly tensed. “N-no w-wait…hheh… I need t-to hh… Sn-hhh-sneeze.”

Elias reached in his pocket after the tissues he knew were there, but the pocket was empty.

The young man curled around himself with Elias’s arms still holding him as tightly as possible, as he sneezed into the tight space between their bodies.

“Ah’tschjuh! Hh… Ha’tschoo! I'm so sorry! That was gross!”

Elias merely smiled and offered a “bless you” as he gently brushed a stray curl away from his patient’s eyes. He felt him give in to a full body tremor. Elias worriedly tucked the duvet tighter around the trembling man. “Stop shivering, please, you're making me anxious.”

“M’sorry” his patient muttered with a small smile. “It's just the slightly elevated body temperature”

Elias let out a noncommittal “huh”, calling the man on his choice of words. “Why do I get the feeling nothing’s ever ‘just a slightly elevated body temperature’ with you?”

The smile faded from the man's face and a sad look crept over his features. Elias immediately regretted his words. Apparently he had touched a nerve. He brushed his thumb across the younger man's cheek, feeling the answering blush confirm that ‘slightly elevated body temperature’. He weighed his words carefully, only wanting to offer comfort and not scare the younger man away with the declaration of complete and all-consuming love that he felt bubbling in every fibre of his being.

“Don't be sad, my darling! You are perfect.”

The man didn't answer, only squirmed closer and buried his hot face in Elias’s neck. Elias welcomed the opportunity to press another tender kiss to his skin. “What about now? Feeling better?”

”Very.” His patient had pulled back slightly again to gaze up into Elias’s face.

Elias frowned, noticing a small tension between the younger man's eyebrows. “Haven't they given you anything for your headache?”

His patient gave him a puzzled look. “How do you know I have a headache?”

How did he know? He had no idea, to be honest. But he knew. There was something familiar in the tense setting of the man's brow and the way his eyes squinted slightly. Without knowing what exactly he was doing, Elias brought his hand up and let his fingers press patterns into the young man’s scalp. He had the strangest feeling, like he had done this before. His fingers moved easily between curls in familiar paths towards particular pressure points. A soft almost-moan from the too-warm body in his arms told him he was doing the right thing.

After a few minutes, Elias stopped pressing and simply ran his fingers gently through the soft locks. “How are you feeling now?”

“Mmm perfect!” The boy’s arm nudged up against Elias’s body and carefully, very, very carefully, came to rest on top of Elias’s bandage on the left side of his chest. “Are you okay, angel?”

Elias turned his head and gave him his most affirming smile. “I've never been better.”

Fuck hospitals. Fuck medicines. Fuck heart monitors! This! This was all he needed! This man. In his arms! He could practically feel his heart settle comfortably in his chest, allowing Elias’s body to connect with it and let it ooze the warmth and delight that spread through his body. He was healing! Better than he had done in the past month. “Why does this feel so right? We barely know each other?”

The young man shrugged. “I have no idea. Maybe this whole thing is just a dream.”

Elias considered that for a moment, feeling the weight of that probable truth and as a result, internally debating what he should do with the precious time that remained.

“Well, if that is the case, and we're going to wake up any minute anyway, I trust you won't mind if I…. “ he let his bottom lip creep along the younger man's jawline, from chin to ear. “… Kiss you here?” He pressed his lips to his jaw, just beneath his earlobe. “Or…. “ he followed the trail of the eyebrow. “… Here?” And placed a very light kiss on the tense spot between his eyebrows. “Or how about…” He placed feather light kisses along the bridge of the nose, from brow to tip, creating enough ticklish irritation to produce a single, soft sounding “ihh… Tischju!” from his patient.

Elias couldn't hold back a smile at the cute sound of the man's irritated nose. “There! Bless you. Or maybe just one final…”

Before he had time to touch his lips to any other part of the man's soft skin, hands had seized a firm grip in his hair, keeping his head still, and the younger man's eyes, bright and shiny with affection sought out his own. “Stop wasting precious time, angel. The man's eyes focused briefly on Elias’s lips, then shot back up to his eyes before he pounced.

~ ~ ~

Elias let out a frustrated groan as his lips collided with the cotton texture of his pillow case and his arm pressed his own duvet tighter against his body. Of course it had been a dream. In real life, he would never have forgotten to bring tissues.

~ ~ ~

Several floors above, Zachariah stared teary-eyed into his own pillow where, only moments ago, before he'd opened his eyes, a pair of brilliant sapphire gemstones had been looking at him and velvety soft lips had kissed his face.

 

Part 98 - Visitor

Zachariah took a deep breath. As deep as his healing lungs would allow him anyway, partly to check for a tell-tale wheeze and partly to build up his courage to question Lizzie, the nurse currently assigned to making sure to took his medication on time. Zach had been delighted to discover that Lizzie was also the nurse overseeing the progress of… well, his angel – whoever he was.

“H-how is he doing?” Zach finally asked after a couple of hesitant starts.

The corner of Lizzie’s mouth pulled up. ”Your ’Guardian Angel’? He’s doing better. The doctor still demands he keeps to his bed though. He keeps asking about you.” She winked at him and raised an eyebrow teasingly. “But I haven't told him much. Poor guy needs to focus on getting himself better and stop worrying about other patients.”

“Maybe, uhm, maybe I could see him today?” Zach tried, nervously twisting the bedsheet between his hands. “If he's better, I mean. Maybe he would stop worrying if, hheh, if he sa-hhh-aw me.” He quickly plucked a tissue from the box on his bed and brought it to his quivering nose just in time.

“Hn’gktxt’ch! Hhehh…Hmpft’schju! Hhah… H’Atschju! Snf!”

Lizzie sent him a worried look. “Yeah, you sound the very epitome of health!”

“Please Lizzie!” He said pleadingly, nose still buried in the tissue. He could think of nothing he wanted more than to see those sapphire eyes again.

Lizzie pursed her lips, tapping them lightly with her finger. “Tell you what. Follow me to his room at lunchtime, maybe you two can get a few minutes together before you eat, but!” She held up a finger, looking sternly at him. “I'll go in first to make sure he's well enough for this. And don’t. Tell. The doctor.”

~ ~ ~

“Quick!” Lizzie hurriedly removed Elias’s tray with his strewn sketches, quickly picking up all his blue and grey coloured pencil, even the cloudy blue one he kept tucked between his lips as he needed it more often than the rest.

“Oi! Wha-?”

“Shh! No time for silly questions.” She sat down on his bed beside him and started dabbing at his face with a wet washcloth. After a few seconds she deemed his face clean enough and turned her eyes towards his unruly mop of hair. “Yeah, I give up.” She exclaimed with a quick shrug and instead started piling his sketches.

“Lizzie, what's the meaning of this?” Elias asked, grinning, looking at Lizzie whose eyes had found the half-finished drawing he had been working on. She picked it up slowly, running her fingers gently over the enlarged eye, lid half-closed, giving it a slightly dreamy look and with an iris in blue and grey nuances, the exact colour of a single raincloud on a bright summer day.

“Elias this is extraordinary.” Elias blushed slightly at the praise. Apparently, he was good at this? Maybe he had done it before? “Did you paint from a dream? From something you've seen?” Her eyes flickered to the door and back to Elias where her look turned hopeful. “Memory, perhaps?”

Elias shrugged, hoping his blush wasn't as deep as his fiery hot cheeks suggested. He knew perfectly well what that colour was. Those eyes, on that young man… Elias felt a small skip in his heart beat.

Lizzie beamed at him as she got up to put the drawing away and handed him the packet of tissues that he demanded to have in his pocket every single day. “You have a visitor.” With that, she got up and made for the door. Just before exiting she turned back towards him. “I'll be back with your lunch in a five minutes.” He saw her open the door and leave, smiling sweetly at whoever was waiting to see him on the other side of it.

Elias tensed. Could it be a friend? A family member? Someone who could finally tell him who the hell he was? He thought for a second. There was really only one person in the entire world he wanted to see right now.

His eyes widened as that one person slowly stepped through his door.

Cloudy eyes watched him cautiously as the man stepped fully into the room. Elias noticed with joy that the man looked infinitely better than the last time he had seen him. His lips were no longer blue, his skin was still pale, but not sickly looking and his eyes no longer dull and unfocused. It was still quite obvious that the young man had been sick, and probably still was. His nose still had that reddened, shiny surface that came from rubbing it too much during a bad cold, his cheeks were slightly flushed as if the fever hadn't quite released its grip yet and there were still red and tired circles around his eyes. The young man drew a deep breath and Elias noted that the wheeze was still present, but only just. All in all, he was definitely on the mend.

“Hi,” he finally said after almost a minute of just standing there, staring. “They, Uhm, they wouldn't let me see you sooner. Lizzie said you suffered a heart attack after…” He trailed off, looking questioningly at Elias.

Elias quickly shook his head in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “No, well, only a minor one, barely worth mentioning!” Although, a full day of nonstop scolding from both nurse and doctor told a different story. He didn't want the young man to worry, after all, he couldn't have done anything to prevent it. It had been Elias’s decision. His risk. And given the choice, he would have done it again. “What about you? I've kept asking but they've refused to tell me anything.” He sent the younger man a pleading look, begging him to be alright. “How are you doing?”

“I'm fine.” The response sounded automatic. Habitual. And Elias wasn't buying it. He kept his eyes locked on the young man's face and noticed his blush deepening under his scrutinising gaze before he finally heaved a sigh. “It was just a bad cold.” Elias sensed there was more and kept staring, brows drawing together in concern. “… That sort of turned out to be pneumonia.” Elias raised an eyebrow, still probing for more. “… And bronchitis.”

As if he had something to prove to Elias, the young man's eyes glazed over and his jaw went slack before he abruptly turned to his side and pressed a fist against his nose.

“Hh…ah’tschjuh! Ah'tschjuh!. Snf! Excuse me!”

Elias pulled the packet of tissues from his pocket and reached them out towards him. “Bless you. Tissue?”

A shy smile brightened the younger man's face at the sight of the tissues. “You know, Lizzie calls you my ‘Guardian Angel’? She's been bringing me a packet of tissues every day saying that if you had been permitted to visit me, that's what you would have done.” He blushed slightly at his own words, but his face turned grave again and his cloudy eyes bore into Elias’s. “Uhm, thank you! For, uhh, saving me, I guess. I'm not sure what would have happened if you hadn't found me and brought me back here.”

Elias was about to brush off the gratitude, but something didn't add up in his head. “But why would they permit you to leave in the first place? Surely, patients with pneumonia AND bronchitis should be properly-“

“They didn't know!” The younger man cut in with a small heave of his shoulders and an embarrassed shake of his head. “I didn't tell them.”

“Then why are you here? In the hospital I mean?”

But the man didn't answer. He was too busy looking up into the light, a very sneezy expression settling in his features as his one hand wavered patiently in front of his face. Before he was quite sure what he was doing, Elias was out of his bed, snatching the packet of tissues out of his own pocket. He swiftly pulled one out and placed it gently around the man's quivering nose with a mumbled “bless you.”

He snapped forward, pressing Elias’s hand holding the tissue against the lower part of his face. Elias brought his other arm around his waist to steady him.

“H’aiCHOO! Hheh… HE’mpft’CHOO! Snf! Ugh!”

“Bless you!” Elias said with a smile as he slowly removed his hand from between the tissue and the younger man's hand, hoping he hadn't embarrassed him and feeling extremely awkward for what he had just done without any prior consideration. Worry had taken over his mind and actions. “Are you sure you’re on the mend?”

The young man smiled shyly and wiped his nose with the tissue before sniffling wetly. “Yeah, sorry, they just took their time building. Thank you.” He raised the crumpled tissue in his hand in gesture. “For some reason, I always seem to forget about these before it's too late.”

Elias gave an answering smile as he backed up towards his bed, suddenly anxious to put some less awkward distance between them. “Yeah, I know!” Wait! No he didn't! What!? His mind really had to stop playing tricks like that on him. “Uhh, I mean, you're welcome. I'm always fully loaded, so, uhh, yeah, you're welcome.”

“Oh, do you have bad allergies or something?”

“Uhm, I don’t know, actually. Or, I don’t think so, I mean.”  

“Then why do you always carry tissues?”

Elias had absolutely no answer, other than “they're for you”, which sounded weird, even in his own mind, so he kept silent and merely shrugged.

An awkward silence settled in the room. Elias had slowly eased himself down onto the edge of his bed and the younger man was still just standing there, looking flushed and slightly uncomfortable. He kept opening his mouth as if to say something, but no sound came out. Elias had so many questions, so many urges he couldn't quite explain, but he had already behaved in a highly socially despicable manner, invading his personal space, holding him while he sneezed. It had felt good, no doubts there, but the frightening lack of understanding for feeling the way he did scared him him enough to keep his mouth shut.

They were both saved from the awkward silence as Lizzie came sweeping through the door, carrying a tray of food for Elias.

“Alright young man, back to your room, you’re next on rounds.” She shot the man a pointed look and a smile. “I’ll come check on you before the end of my shift.”

“Thanks Lizzie.” With a shy smile and a nod towards Elias, the man backed up towards the door.

Elias’s heart ached at the thought of the young man leaving. When would he see him again?

“Oh, dang it!” The young man suddenly exclaimed as he dramatically slapped his hand against his forehead. Elias tried to hide a smile behind a worried frown. Clearly the man wasn't an actor. There had been nothing natural about that gesture. “I, uhh, I forgot your jacket. I meant to bring it.” He looked dramatically anguished. Elias fought to hide his smile at the cliché line he knew was coming. Hoped was coming. Begged was coming. “I'll, uhh, I'll bring it tomorrow? Is that okay?”

What a stupid question! Of course he wanted him to visit again tomorrow.

“Yeah, I'd like that.”

“Great. Uhh. I'd better go, before the doctor comes back and we end up in ‘hospital detention’.” He shot Elias a warmer smile and Elias felt his heart flutter excitedly in his chest. “See you tomorrow,” he smiled again and added blushingly after a moment’s hesitation; “my guardian angel.”

“See you tomorrow, my darling.” Elias froze. The word – well endearment – had just slipped out, almost as if his brain found the term natural enough to order it past his lips without further consent from Elias’s mind. “I mean, I.. uhh… W-well I-I-I… what?” he stuttered as he stared in bewitchment at the way a deep shade of red started blooming in the young man’s cheeks, unfolding smoothly under the surface until it had painted a scarlet blossom from ear to ear.

Elias was doomed. There was no way to bounce back from this.

Except…

The young man looked just as bewitched as Elias felt. “’Darling’. I, uhm, I like that. See you-” and then, warmly, as if the blush had coated his voice with affection, “-angel.”

And then he was gone and Elias was… well… more on cloud nine than in an actual hospital bed.

He could barely breathe as a deep, slow burning fire lighted in his chest. The flames licked their way up his arms and down his abdomen and legs but they didn’t burn him. He hadn’t felt this good since, well, forever (as far as he could remember anyway).

“Lizzie, do you believe in destiny?”

“Oh yes.” She smiled secretively as she placed his tray of food on the small table by his bed.

Elias couldn’t remove his eyes from the door. One way or another, fate had brought them together. He was sure of it.

Guardian angel.

He tasted the new pet name in his mind, finding it to his liking. If destiny would let him, he’d guard that young man – his ‘Darling’ - forever.   

 

 

Part 99 - Discharged

A few pre-meal dates (as Lizzie had come to refer to them) quickly turned into to actual meal-dates as their respective doctors found their health situations greatly improving on a daily basis.

Elias couldn’t be happier. Darling (as Elias had consistently called his new-found friend partly because he constantly seemed to forget asking his actual name and partly by desire to re-experience the delicious blush in the young man’s cheek as he heard the term of endearment, not to mention the way it made Elias’s own heart glow with a strange exhilarating feeling) had greatly improved over the last few days, health wise. The warm glow was building in his eyes and his face had some healthy colour to it again. He’d also seemed to overcome his initial shyness and had started to open up and share his concerns and expectations with Elias.

He learned all about Darling’s parent’s condition and the sentence that awaited them and consequently the reason Darling was at the hospital to begin with. Darling had just finished telling him about his dream to travel the world if he could collect enough money.

“Can’t you sell your parent’s house?” Elias asked him one day when the two of them sat opposite each other in his bed (Darling had in his haste forgotten his shoes in his room and had endearingly been curling one foot over the other for warmth until Elias had invited him to warm them under his covers in his bed. With him.).

Darling shrugged. “I don’t know yet, the court hasn’t decided on my rights. I’m twenty, but depending on my parent’s sentence, the house may still belong to them. One thing’s for sure though, I don’t intent to live in it if I can at all avoid it.”

Elias sensed that no happy family memories were connected to this house and its inhabitants and judging by the charges his friend’s parent’s faced, Elias guessed, not a happy childhood either. A sudden urge to close the distance between them and wrap his arms around Darling’s fragile frame hit him like a giant wave. Whatever this man, his man, had been through, Elias internally vowed that he would do everything in his power to prevent Darling from ever experiencing such sad events again.

“What about you?” Darling asked, pulling his knees up to his chest and rocking back and forth under the duvet, pulling the duvet towards him so Elias was forced to move closer to stay under it. A sacrifice he was more than willing to make. “What are you gonna do once they discharge you?”

Elias shrugged. “I have absolutely no idea. My memory hasn’t come back. I have no Idea who I am or what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Darling hugged his knees closer and Elias found himself wishing it was his body being held so firmly in Darling’s embrace. He scooted a little closer, pooling a little more of the duvet atop Darling’s feet. “They still haven’t found any records? Family members? Anything?”

“No.” Elias thought about the key he was found carrying in his pocket. “I have a key and an address, that’s it.”  Somehow, he felt it should bother him more than it really did. He should feel angry, abandoned, neglected, maybe even vengeful. He looked at the way darling blushed and mumbled a shy apology as his still-cold feet bumped into Elias’s under the covers. But he made no inclination to move. Right here, right now, Elias felt happy. No sad memories came knocking, no recollection of guilt or misery. He could wait all day for Darling to show up whenever Lizzie could make it happen, they’d talk for a few minutes, sometimes longer and Elias could spend what remained of the day replaying their ‘date’ over and over in his mind and wait for tomorrow’s meeting while he drew sketch after sketch, fragments of the same portrait; rain-cloud eyes, individual cluster of curls, pink lips smiling shily.
He was happy, truly happy. Being ‘angel’, and Darling’s friend was enough for now. He shook his head. “No, I still don’t know of any family. No memories have come back to me. Lizzie doubts it will ever happen.” Despite his words sounding sad, in his heart, Elias was content to just sit here with Darling, especially when those mesmerizing cloudy eyes peeked up at him through that gorgeous mess of curly hair.  

“Oh, well, that’s too-“

“EKG time, little guardian.” Lizzie poked her head through the door and opened it to let in Elias’s doctor pushing the equipment. “You’re coming with me, wardling.” She pointed to Darling as Elias’s cardiologist prepared the test.

“Sure, Lizzie.” He hopped down form the bed, wincing slightly as his cold feet hit the floor. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Elias revelled in the expectant look he was given. He held a small hope that Darling yearned for his company as much as he yearned for Darling’s.

“Don’t forget your shoes, please. You’re still recovering.” Elias shot him a stern look but kept the smile on his face. He was rewarded with a grin, an adorable blush and a nod.

“I won’t, angel.” The young man left, following Lizzie out the door.

“Be safe, my darling.” Elias whispered, looking at the door closing behind the young man that occupied his dreams. Funny. Every time the young man left the room (and whenever Elias’s mind drifted to him – which was pretty much constantly until their next ‘date’) a name danced on the tip of Elias’s tongue, just out of recognition’s reach. He wasn’t even sure this name he couldn’t remember belonged to the young man but something deep in those cloudy eyes stirred his memory.

***

“Good news.” His doctor happily informed him the following morning. “EKG looks good, you’re healing nicely, no signs of infections.” He smiled broadly at Elias. “We’re discharging you.”

Giddy as a schoolboy Elias jumped the stairs several at a time, his key and what few personal items he was found with jingling lively in his jacket pocket. He skidded to a halt as he reached Darling’s floor and slowly approached the nurses’s station. Luckily, it was Lizzie who greeted him with a smile.

“So glad to hear you’re finally going home.” She angled her head to look around him. “Where’s your little ward, guardian?”

“I’m here to see him, actually. Tell him the news.” Elias wasn’t sure if his discharge was good or bad news. It was good that he had finally healed enough to be declared fit for discharge, but now what?  If he went home but Darling had to stay. His chest suddenly ached anew. “What room is he in, Lizzie?”

“You mean he’s not with you?” Lizzie frowned, questioningly.

Sudden dread hit Elias square in the chest. “No. Lizzie where is he?” The blood was pumping in his veins almost making him dizzy.

“I’m sorry, Elias, he was discharged yesterday after your ‘date’. He had a meeting with his solicitor in town yesterday, I gave him directions to bus 145. He came back here to spend the night with his parents before going home.” She glanced at her watch. “He left about ten minutes ago.”

The new heart in his chest that had beat to joyfully the last couple of days suddenly felt like it was dying all over again.

 

*****

A few floors below, Zach was recovering from having been given almost the same information; His angel had been discharged ten minutes ago and had left. After his own discharge, yesterday, Zach had gone to a meeting with his solicitor but had come back to spend the night in their room, not knowing how else he should proceed. When morning finally came, he’d wanted nothing more than to find his angel and spend whatever time he could with him before… something. Anything. But he was gone. Crestfallen, Zach thanked the nurse who’d supplied the information and headed for the elevator hall. What else could he do but to go home? A memory flickered. The park. He looked out the window as he waited for the elevator door to open. Judging by the colour of the clouds there was a solemn promise of heavy rain on the horizon, but Zach didn’t care. Anything was better than home. He would feel closer to his angel on that secluded bench in the park.

The elevator door finally opened and Zach squeezed his way to the very back, hanging his head. He’d probably never see his angel again.

*****

Elias feverishly pressed the elevator call button, fuming before it finally arrived so overly stuffed that he wouldn’t be able to fit. Cursing, he went for the stairs, running as fast as his new heart allowed it. Bus 145, that was all the lead he had. He’d search every house by every stop until someone could give him any information concerning his Darling with the cloudy grey eyes and a mess of curly chestnut hair.

He jumped the stairs, several at a time, almost bumping into an elevator full of people in the entrance hall. He shot a quick apology over his shoulder as he kept running for the bus stop outside the main building. Maybe Darling was waiting for him there? Maybe he hadn’t left? It was a fool’s hope, but it kept Elias searching.

*****

As the elevator door opened at the ground floor and people started pooling out, Zach was almost knocked to the ground as the man in front of him stumbled backwards and mumbled something about insolent youths and their stressing pace. Zach’s distant and depressed mind turned back to reality and he heard several of the people from his elevator mumble curses after someone. With a sigh, Zach manoeuvred out of the elevator crowd and searched out the exit that lead to the park. After a short walk – to be honest, he’d trusted his feet to find it again, he hadn’t lifted his head once – he once again found himself on the exact bench where his angel had saved him a few short weeks ago.

Recalling those deep, sapphire eyes giving him such loving and devoted looks had him bury his head in his hands and start sobbing. He was alone, more alone than ever. One heavy drop of rain fell on his head, then another. Soon, Zach was soaking wet and chilled to the bone but he stayed on the bench, curled up into a tiny ball, crying until his chest hurt.

*****

“NonononoNO! GOD DANG IT!” Elias cursed as bus 145 drove away in front of his eyes before he could get to it. He checked the time table, the next bus was an hour away. He wrapped his arms around his shivering form as the heavy rain relentlessly poured down, coating everything in its wet, slippery cover. People were gathering under the small shelter, trying to keep themselves out of the rain, but Elias didn’t care. He just wanted to be alone.

Not thinking about anything, he let his feet drag him along crunchy gravel walks, past a ghostly and abandoned playground and darkened flowerbed. Suddenly, the rain stopped abruptly and he looked up. His feet had lead him to a small pavilion in the middle of the park. He plonked down onto the somewhat dry bench. At least he was alone and not being rained on. His eyes focused on his surroundings as he swept his wet hair out of his eyes. Recognition stirred in him. This looked like the place he had found his friend a few weeks ago, over there by that row of benches by the cluster of trees. He narrowed his eyes, trying to see clearly through the rain. There! On one of the benches was a small figure, a bundle of wet clothes, curled around itself. Could it be?

Before he had time to consider the probability of it being anything more than an abandoned backpack, Elias had sprung out of the pavilion and was running as fast as his legs would carry him towards the bench, throwing himself down on his knees as he reached it. His heart leapt up in his throat and he suddenly couldn’t remember how to breathe. It wasn’t an abandoned backpack, but a soaked bundle of clothes covering a shivering form with eyes the exact colour of the cottony overlords that controlled the downpour above their heads.

Darling!

“Angel? Is it really you?” The bundle had asked him before it had started crying and had crawled out of its curled up state to wrap itself around him. Hoisting the wet bundle of shivering limbs up in his arms, Elias half walked, half ran back to the pavilion where they would at least be sheltered from the cold rain until they could figure out their next move. One thing was certain though, he was never letting go of Darling again. Ever.

 

Part 100 - Reunited

It had taken a lot of back rubbing, gentle shush-ing and rocking back and forth before Elias had calmed his friend down enough to could speak. What followed were some distressed apologies, some half-hearted attempts to move away and some shyly mumbled “I should move, I’ll get you wet,” spoken through chattering teeth. Elias would have offered him his coat, but it was just as soaked and no warmer than the clothes he was already wearing. “sorry, I just,” he made a useless attempt to dry his eyes with his wet hands. “I was afraid you’d gone and I-“ he didn’t say anymore, but Elias knew the words in his heart. The fear of being separated. 

So…” darling said, sniffling. To Elias’s great dismay, he inched further away, but darling seemed embarrassed about his needy display, so Elias let him. “What are you gonna do now?”

Elias thought about it for a minute. He had absolutely no idea.

“Oh.” Darling responded to his shrug. Elias waited, but no other words came. One look at his friend showed that he was a little distracted. One hand hovered in front of his face and his head was tilted back slightly, eyes searching for a source of light, possibly to lure out the stuck sneeze that his scrunched-up face suggested. Despite their current situation, Elias couldn’t help to find Darling’s expression oddly endearing. A memory flickered just outside his reach and on impulse he curled an arm around Darling, pulling him closer against him as he blew a thin stream of air against the sensitive side of his friend’s quivering nose.

“Ahh’tsschjuh! T’sschjuu!-uhh!

“Bless you, darling. You know you’re quite adorable when you sneeze.” It suddenly hit him what he’d just said and he froze. Profusely embarrassed with himself and the inappropriate bluntness he’d suddenly blurted, Elias cleared his throat and scooted to the side, putting an acceptable distance between himself and his still sneezy looking friend, whom he’d just called ‘adorable’. As if his action alone wasn’t embarrassing enough.

“Hhh… H’atsschjew!”

Elias mumbled another blessing, embarrassment reddening his cheeks. But the sweet and sincere “thank you, angel” from his friend calmed him. The heavy rain drumming on the pavilion roof was the only sound as the pair sat in silence for a little while, Elias too abashed to speak and from the look of it, his friend’s shiver was making speech hard for him. Elias frowned in worry as the young man blew hot air into joined hands and wrapped them tightly around himself.

He yearned to pull the young man into his arms and warm him any way he could. Just to hold him, to comfort him, to soothe him, was all Elias could think about. But he wasn’t sure his devoted action would be received well. Regardless of personal desire, he really ought to get his still recovering friend home and dry, but he didn’t know how, so he picked up their conversation from before as he dared to inch a bit closer.

“What about you?” He eyed the distance between them again and wiggled a little closer. “What are you gonna do now?” Darling’s hand twitched and his arm moved to give him space. For a brief, joyous moment, Elias thought the arm was being curled around him, but his friend seemed to change his mind mid-move and brought his arm down again. Elias struggled to appear oblivious and picked up the conversation again. “Uhm… What about your parents and the house?” He instantly regretted his question as his friend’s pained expression came back and his flow of tears resumed. “Listen listen…” Elias said encouragingly, holding up his hands. His friend sniffled and knuckled his nose but gave him his full attention. “I uhh…” Suddenly unsure of his own proposal and his friend’s emotional state, he started fumbling for the right words. ”I just… uhm… “ He swallowed nervously. A jolt of electricity shot up his arm as Darling’s hand suddenly snaked its way into his own. It was enough to make Elias find his voice and the words tumbled out of him.

“I’m headed to an apartment I don’t remember living in, trying to resume a life I don’t know how I’ve lived. I have no idea what I’ll find once I get there, but-” His eyes found Darling’s and he smiled as the grasp on his hand tightened. He felt his heart warm and his voice growing more steady. “-I’m sure there’s tea in the cupboard and some water in the tap to boil. Maybe even some dry clothes and some tissues…?” He ended the sentence on a questioning note, too shy to ask directly but he hoped Darling would still catch his meaning.

Darling was using the back of his hand to dry new tears from his cheeks. He looked surprised at Elias. “That’s really very kind of you, but…” There was a ‘but’, Elias’s heart dropped into to stomach. “… but are you sure? I mean, I’d be intruding on your new life bringing my own shitty situation with me and you need time and calm to-“

“But you’re part of my new life.” Elias didn’t realise he’d taken both of Darling’s hands in his own before he pressed them to his lips and felt them warming against his skin. He knew he was being very forward and there was no sign of his strange, unquenchable love for this man being reciprocated but he couldn’t help it. It was the truth. He couldn’t deny it, not that he wanted to. Darling provided his new life with a meaning he was desperate to cling to. “You make me happy. You’re all I know. I… I…” I love you. “I don’t want you to not be in my life, regardless of what it used to be. Come home with me.” Please be in my future. Please BE my future. He pulled back, feeling embarrassed at his passionate outburst. “Or you know, I could be less advancing and point out that you’re wet and cold and I know you don’t like to go back home straight away and I could offer you a soothing cup of tea and some dry clothes, I mean, it’s the least a guardian angel could do, right?” He drew a deep breath, looking away and releasing his friend’s hands from his grasp.

“I’d love that, angel.” Darling’s answer took him by surprise. He really thought he’d ruined what little chance he had of keeping this man in his life with his bluntness. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask but I keep forgetting for some reason.” Now it was Darling’s turn to blush and look away, shaking his head at himself. “Not that I mind calling you my ‘angel’,” Oh how that blush intensified. Elias could almost feel it warm his own skin. “But I assume you also go by a different name?”           

“Oh! Uhm. Yeah, It’s… It’s Elias.” Despite not having any known ties to the name, he liked it. it suited him, not as much as ‘angel’ did, but still. “At least, that’s what it says on my social security card, so I guess that’s my name, but I honestly don’t mind ‘angel’. He smiled. Please call me that for all eternity.

“Elias?” God, it sounded even better in velvety baritone. Yes, he definitely liked his name on those lips. “Well, hi Elias, I’m-“

Zachariah!

The name that had stirred in his memory for days, painfully out of reach suddenly sprung to the forefront of his mind. And he exhaled it on a sigh just as the young man said,

“-Zach, or rather-“

“Zachariah!”

“Well, yeah.” Zachariah – somehow that name stirred something in him, something warm and loving, something safe and wonderful -  narrowed his eyes at him, suspiciously. “H-how did you-“

Elias had no time to consider his actions before his arms wrapped themselves around Zachariah’s chilled frame, feverishly pressing their lips together. Upon impact, his body felt like it was exploding into a million fragment, all taking twists and turns to fit with pieces it hadn’t been connected to before. Everything he was, everything he knew was arranging itself around Zachariah in his arms.

This felt so right. This urge to hold Zachariah in his arms, to press their lips together seemed as vital as breathing and at the same time, completely unfamiliar, as if his heart had longed for it for an eternity without being permitted the satisfaction of the actual kiss.

The kiss.

His lips on Zachariah’s, warm, tender and…

… and wholly inappropriate!

Shocked, he broke the kiss and looked anguished at Zachariah whom he still hugged tight against his chest. He quickly stretched his arms, pushing Zachariah away from him. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I know this is a terrible breach of etiquette I just. It-it’s you. I mean. I don’t remember you, but I just… I somehow…” He wished the universe would either bring his memory back this very instant, or swallow him up. “I’m so sorry.”

He pulled his hands close to his chest and ducked his head. Whatever clever magic had earned him this blissful moment with Zachariah had surely been banished thanks to his complete lack of propriety. 

Soft hands curled around his own clenched ones and Zachariah shifted closer, hot breath ghosting over Elias’s face. “I feel the same, angel.” Elias looked up, scarcely believing what he was hearing, but begging the words to be true. Eyes so deep and mesmerizing couldn’t lie. “I know I’ve looked into those piercing sapphires before, but how?” 

“I have no idea,” he blurted. “And honestly, I don’t care.” He held his arms out, wordlessly begging Zachariah to cuddle up to him again. “Please just say you’ll come home with me?” Elias’s new heart leapt of joy as Zachariah’s face lit up into a brilliant smile and he scooted willingly into Elias’s arms, wrapping his arms around him. “Oh, my Zachariah, my darling.” The words came naturally as if his voice had spoken the name a million times. “Please be mine.”            

Zachariah turned in his arms, beaming as Elias once more pressed their lips together in a searing kiss. Zachariah nodded eagerly against Elias’s lips, pulling back only enough to whisper, “I would love nothing more, angel.”

*****

Across the small meadow, hidden behind the thick row of trees, sheltered by a black umbrella, was the archangel Raphael. His lips curled up in a small smile as he observed the former guardian and his former ward reconnect. He allowed himself a satisfied nod.

Well done, Elias.

“I told you I’d bring them together, didn’t I?” Nurse Lizzie walked up to him and nudged him with a self-satisfied smirk. 

Raphael gave her a once over and rolled his eyes. “You look ridiculous in that female vessel.”

Lizzie stuck her tongue out and giggled before pulling what appeared to be a face mask over her head. Emerging from under it was an angelic face, his hair black and his eyes mischievous. 

“Always fun playing a ‘meddler’.” Izra’il straightened the hair on the mask in his hands that seconds before had been the face of ‘nurse Lizzie’. His look turned seductive as he focused on the archangel beside him. “You sure you don’t want me to bring this back with us to the Seventh Heaven?” He pursed his lips, raising a single eyebrow. “Maybe just the nurse attire?” He made his eyebrows do a little suggestive dance.

“Izra’il!” Raphael jerked away, looking nervously around them. “Not here.” He added out the corner of his mouth.

“Whatever you say… archangel.”

Raphael groaned at the purr in his lover’s voice and side eyed his swaying hips still in uniform. He shot a final look at the young couple who were preparing to exit their shelter still wrapped in each other’s arms, looking happy. They had done what they could. Whatever happened now was up to Elias and Zachariah. Together.         

 

The end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Juto]

On 2/4/2019 at 7:59 AM, chronic reader said:

So I can’t PM yet.  I just binged this whole thing and it is one of the most beautiful drabble fics ever and I wanted to let @Juto know that I will be awaiting (as long as it takes) for the next installment❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so so much and I'm so sorry for the long wait.

 

On 5/8/2019 at 2:21 PM, ichixshiro14 said:

Ditto!! What a cliffhanger 😱😱😱

SORRY!!! Everything is okay now, I promise XD

On 7/4/2019 at 5:56 PM, BardwithaBlade said:

Ohmygosh 

Wow

No joke, I just spent all morning binging this, I love Elias and Zach so much. Just my luck to catch up to such a huge cliffhanger. 

I'd meant to make note of a few favorite things as I read so I could gush properly, but never actually did and now I wouldn't know where to start. Suffice it to say my heart totally skips a beat every time Zach calls Elias "Master Universe" & I'm such a sucker for sick Elias and scolding Zach.

Just... wow 😍😍😍

Aww thanks. Happy you like them.

On 8/5/2019 at 3:15 AM, Alabaster said:

Honestly, it's not even fair how good this is.

*smiling like a total loon* thank you <333

On 4/22/2020 at 6:26 AM, 2SHY222 said:

Two weeks of reading and I end on a MEGA cliffhanger 😱😵 

Sorry this is my first post on this thread. @Juto I am in love with your writing. I laughed, melted, cried, and died. The love and humor swept me off my feet 🥰 I don't know if and when you'll finish this amazing  saga but I just wanted to applaud you for these amazing characters 👏👏👏🙌 🙌🙌

Awww bless!! thank you so much. So sorry for the long wait. X

[ichixshiro14]

Ahhhh what a great ending!! Thank you so, so much for finishing this, my heart is so full for them ❤❤❤

[Kolen]

I read all this in a total of less than twelve hours. I LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT OML!!!! Everything about this was amazing and I can happily say I saw a lot of the plot twists before they happened, I just had a really big feeling. Also for clarification, somewhere I did see that his age remained a 17 or 18, just to let you know. I am not entirely certain as to where it is, but I believe it is after page 15. Thank you so much for finishing this, it is truly a work of art.

[Coffee Chicken Barista]

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guessagain]

I absolutely adored this! I think I must have read it 5 times at least!