Inappropriate interactions with underage members

[March Hare]

In addition to everything everybody said, but especially this

The main board is an excellent safety net. Since most of our members are not here to creep on the younger members, it's a lot of extra eyes watching the interactions. I can easily see situations where the actual youth member may not understand that someone is being creepy (took me a while to figure out sharking, etc.) or they may be too hesitant/shy/uncomfortable to report it to the staff; our more seasoned members may notice creepy behavior and report it before the youth member does. Anyone who is truly predatory is going to have to be more careful on the general board. If everything is on the youth board, all it takes is one fake profile that gets miss and, once they're validated, they're in a very small pond. Experienced members have "been around the block" and know the red flags. I think it would be shame to lose that level of community oversight. Just reading the thoughtful responses to this thread show how committed our community is to having a safe environment.

Additionally, restricting so much content makes it difficult for youth members to participate enough to get validated and, thus, get access to the board. This is particularly true if we remove those fictional fandoms that attract many of the youth members in the first place.

Many of us participate in the yearly Secret Santa event. If we were to problematise the sexual aspect of our fetish community to such an extent that it would boil down to age segregation, there will be no more Secret Santa because it would be impossible for adult members to write for minors and vice versa. Of course, the alternative would be one event for the Youth Board and one for "the rest of us", and who knows? That might be what most of us want. I don't know.

(It may sound trivial to some of you, but this whole discussion is making me slightly paranoid about that Secret Santa fic I wrote last year. I'm 31 and my characters were 17 or so. Apparently I didn't do a bad job, so now I'm sort of feeling that someone is going to accuse me of sexualising minors any day now.)

[Sageacity]

As an overage member... I understand the good intentions of wanting to discuss this, and that this doesn't just concern U18 but also 18+ who don't wish to stumble upon U18 material that would be PG to vanillas, but just uncomfortable overall due to their fetish. I also understand that there is a concern that adults are looking at obs with someone who is a minor as the subject, whether or not they decide to comment on it, and using that as sexual fodder. Saying that, quite a few writers have chosen to keep their age a mystery, and do not specify the age of the people in the obs, with neutral settings. And the known minors who do post, the posts aren't self obs, but an obs about a 18+ individual.

I will almost never comment upon stories/observations written by members under the age of 18. If I do, it will be concerning an appreciation of their writing style. It will not be 'damn this was so hot'!

This, basically. I could say that I am not as "charged" as others, though I just recently came out of that 'closet'. I didn't join this forum for just the steamy bits, but to hang out and converse, to see the funnier/casual side of the fetish, or just unrelated convos. But I have lines drawn between 'this is cute/interesting' and 'HOT DAMN' so to speak.

But what might start out innocent might get more into details of a sexual nature that I am not comfortable with, and I would prefer to stay in the Youth Board. My suggestion is, for those adults that don't want to see snez period in relation to a minor (whether the obs is debatably innocent), have the posters specify in the title U18 or etc. Yes, this does not stop 18+ from seeing the post that potentially wish to prey on minors, but thankfully humans cannot read each others thoughts, and if they decide to comment with something indecent, their butt can be penalized. But hopefully, it is plain in the rules that such behavior is not okay, minors know that's not okay, and that minors feel safe enough to report any creeping. But more importantly, I hope all minors know the safe practices to keep their information protected... And that, is a downside that comes with the internet world in general, as there is only so much that can be controlled.

RPs written by adults without any explicit sexual content constricted to the general RP boards.

Yes, I have a similar mind frame on that matter. And as far as I know, no one can force a minor into an rp that they are uncomfortable with, so long as they understand the nature of the RP. Same goes for any adult who feels

uncomfortable with role-playing with a minor, or a character that is a minor.... yeah.

As far as fictional work goes...

I don't see why (or how) to segregate fictional material. As some people have pointed out, it would include any fandoms like Harry Potter, Glee, The Fault in Our Stars, Big Hero 6, Frozen, and Divergent (and those are just the ones I saw on the first two pages). Not only do I think this is overly restrictive of fictional content, it's easy for the members who don't want to read them to skip it (as opposed to observations which you might not notice until reading most of the obs).

Matilda said it for me. All in all, it's tricky, and there are a lot of gray areas. But what I like about this forum is that while there may be less than honorable characters, they are outnumbered by very good people, who look out for the younger members and their safety and are more experienced when it comes to forms of sharking and nip it in the bud.

[Sawyer]

My suggestion is, for those adults that don't want to see snez period in relation to a minor (whether the obs is debatably innocent), have the posters specify in the title U18 or etc.

I think this is a really good idea -- it allows us to keep track of which is which, and sets U18 obs apart from 18+ while setting a standard that 18+ is "normal/acceptable".

NameTaken, on 11 June 2015 - 08:01 PM, said:

RPs written by adults without any explicit sexual content constricted to the general RP boards.

Yes, I have a similar mind frame on that matter. And as far as I know, no one can force a minor into an rp that they are uncomfortable with, so long as they understand the nature of the RP. Same goes for any adult who feels

uncomfortable with role-playing with a minor, or a character that is a minor.... yeah.

My only problem with this is that a lot of the time, minors don't have the life experience or even general knowledge that they are being creeped on or taken advantage of until years and years later. I am not saying this to insinuate that adolescents are totally irresponsible, but it is not uncommon for somebody to look back and realize that an adult was behaving inappropriately toward them and they didn't know better. I know that this is not only the case for me (having joined at age 13), but for a few others that I've talked to as well.

[Sageacity]

1434773985' post='680788']

I think this is a really good idea -- it allows us to keep track of which is which, and sets U18 obs apart from 18+ while setting a standard that 18+ is "normal/acceptable".

... Thank you Sen? But now that I've re-read my own statement, I feel like I need to clarify. I meant tagging in the title for real life stories that if a vanilla/muggle were to stumble upon, would look harmless. Just someone sneezing due to unfortunate or everyday circumstance and the person in question doing the sneezing/other related fetish is underage, whether self-obs or obs.

In all honesty, I couldn't speak for minors as far as recognizing when someone (18+) is being inappropriate or not, and that is the biggest issue isn't? But then, every person who finds this place comes from a different background. I understand this a discussion, not a vote, and not up to us on how the forum is run hereafter... but what would be the solution, hypothetically? We already have Youth Observations, it's getting minors to strictly put their obs there. I'm only a little leery of that because 1) It might make minors feel left out, or limited to things they feel they can share with the community. 2) Everyone's level of "fetish" is different. If that makes sense. 3) Age representation. There is no sure-fire way to ensure, even if "00" wasn't an option, that every user is being honest.

I mean, I suppose... there could be a page or link for minors (18+ even) with a basic outline of signs to be wary of, if that wouldn't be going too far into coddling.

[Vetinari]

I mean, I suppose... there could be a page or link for minors (18+ even) with a basic outline of signs to be wary of, if that wouldn't be going too far into coddling.

There is some internet safety information here, most of it general, but with some specific recommendations for under 18s.

I have been watching this with interest, though haven't felt the need to comment as up till now, tma has said almost everything I was thinking.

The recent discussion has reminded me of the not-too-distant past though. Before we had the adult board, all observations were placed on the general boards and people posting overtly sexual material were asked to specify 18+ in their title. U18s were not allowed to post in those threads. Perhaps if posters writing observations about under 18s were to specify U18 in the title, then the opposite could apply, and members over 18 could be disallowed from posting there. That would at least prevent the problems described where people have opened posts and subsequently felt uncomfortable. My only concern with this would be that if non-fetishists stumbled upon the forum, it actually draws attention to those posts. From a very brief recent check of the obs board, blatantly U18 posts don't seem all that prevalent (though others may be more knowledgeable on the exact stats). Here in Norway, most teens don't leave school until 19, so posts mentioning school are not necessarily from minors and many posters don't specify their age, which makes things more complicated still to 'police'.

Personally I am satisfied with the status quo, despite the fact that it has always been a compromise which will never please everyone. We have been "invaded" before following various more-or-less mainstream media coverage and despite the mix of members, there has never been the remotest whiff of official interest or interference, therefore presumably the forum is not considered to be some kind of paedophile grooming ground. The staff are also extremely conscientious and very protective towards minors. Just because it is done very discreetly, doesn't mean that it isn't going on.

With regard to RP's, I believe that they come under a similar category to any other work of fiction and therefore should not be restricted. I accept that there are occasions when older and younger members have RP'd together, indeed when the concept first arrived I think a number of older members took part, myself included. All but one or two have now dropped out, but unless there is anything obviously inappropriate going on (in which case, the staff would step in anyway) then they should be allowed to continue. Younger members who have access to the Youth Board and Private Messaging can RP in those places if they feel uncomfortable elsewhere. And if RP's for U18s were restricted to the Youth Board, would those involving over 18s be restricted to the Adult Board, even if there was no adult content? Or would U18s be banned from joining in? That also seems restrictive, unfair and unnecessarily complicated to me.

[Heathcliff]

Looks like this thread is winding down- I was going to post here about a possible smaller change, about displaying accurate ages in profiles. In the end I decided it would be better in a separate thread. But since it is sort of relevant to this, here is the new thread:

http://www.sneezefetishforum.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=62398

[Lisayep]

Hi folks,

I'm quite new here and to be honest I'm quite uncertain where the line is in terms of 'sexually explicit content' and what is appropriate to write. I really don't want to offend or overstep the mark. This question seems relevant to interacting with/commenting on U18 content, but also more broadly. This all feels sexual to me. So it seems to me that the line of sexually explicit has already been crossed just by describing sneezing or talking about what we like about it.

I read a post along the lines of 'how you know you have a sneeze fetish' (funny! and true - very entertaining) - and it mentioned something along the lines of 'your porn is free....' And I thought - yes. quite. I hadn't seen sneezing referred to as 'porn' before - but isn't like how many people see it?

Please could someone clarify what is viewed as 'sexual'? What kind of language is OK? Is it OK to describe how this stuff makes us feel.... but with limits? I posted about fantasies and held back from describing it quite as fully as it goes in my head because.... well... it was 'adult'.

Clarity would be really appreciated. Thanks!

[Joal 555]

Hi Lisayep

It's virtually impossible to tell you a precise cut-off point where one can say that language up to this point is allowed and language beyond that point isn't allowed. However, the rules say the following:

Overage Content: Overage content is defined as anything that describes or depicts overt sexualization such as fondling, masturbation, sexual activity, nudity, etc., as well as graphic violence. All 18+ material is to be posted in the approriate sub-forum. Observations, Stories and Artwork should be posted in the Adult Obs, Stories and Artwork Section. Video clips, photos and audio files can be shared in the Adult Board or Adult sections of the Gallery. Topics for general discussion of adult subjects should be posted in the Adult Board.

I hope that helps you, but if you are in any doubt about whether you will be allowed to post something on the main boards that may be considered adult in nature, it's better to check with the staff before posting it. You can do this by using the "contact us" feature at the top of the page.