How to deal with being ashamed of the fetish?

[Watercolor Daydreams]

This is probably something that a lot of people on here have had to deal with, but there are times when I feel really ashamed of having a sneeze fetish. Like, really, really ashamed. I know that having the fetish doesn't make you a bad person, but when I just think about how weird my infatuation might seem to people, or what their reactions would be to the sneezefics I write/read, I get all cringy and I feel so abnormal. Especially when I see some (admittedly dauntless) people posting their sneezefics on forums outside of this one (i.e. Fanfiction.net) and I see people commenting on how weird it is that the character(s) keep(s) sneezing. Does anybody have any tips as to how to deal with it? Being able to talk to other nonjudgemental people on this forum helps somewhat, but in the "real world" I still feel really embarrassed about it.

[Sawyer]

I don't think I've ever been outright ashamed, but I was very shy and uncomfortable discussing the fetish with anybody who didn't have it. Reading all of the success stories on here and forming a lot of really close, intimate friendships with people from the forum turned me around completely. It really helps to have a support system of people that you love whose existence constantly reassures you that there's nothing bad or undesirable about the fetish. Not only that, but knowing that to most vanillas, knowing you have a sneezing fetish really isn't a big deal. They either react in a positive way or a neutral way, and those who feel negatively about it are honestly not people that I want to spend my time with.

I'll be honest, I do try to keep my fetish away from the "real world", just out of courtesy for others. It's my sexual fetish, so when I'm presenting a piece of creative work to people who don't have it, then sneezing really has no place. Non-fetishists really don't get it, and indulging myself in a space that's meant to be fetish-neutral feels inappropriate to me. I wouldn't have trouble admitting to having a sneezing fetish to someone who doesn't have one, but I also wouldn't really go into detail about it unless they asked, just because I think it would be kind of awkward and unnecessary. That's why I love coming here and why I love talking to all of my friends who share the fetish -- it's a space where I can totally and completely embrace my feelings about sneezing with others who feel the same.

[MaiMai]

I think it's true that a lot of us have been ashamed to some extent of our fetish at one point or another; I know I go through periods of being more/less comfortable with it. The main thing that I try to remember is that, in the 'real world' as you put it, you can never know everything about other people. Fetishes by nature are sexual, and so aren't usually a topic of general discussion - you never know what quirks, kinks, fetishes, etc. other people might have. Chances are, someone else has something they're just as ashamed of for being 'abnormal', whether it's within the same realm as the fetish or something entirely different.

Re: writing/reading fics - if someone is reading a sneezefic (especially if it's on this site), chances are they've come across it intentionally, and it's most likely that their reason for that is that they also have the fetish! We seem to be rather a niche fetish (or at least, it's always seemed that way to me), so I don't think non-fetishists are often going to encounter the material here.

To be honest, our fetish is pretty tame in comparison to a lot of others, and if it's not hurting anyone, then it's probably alright! Rather than a secret to be ashamed of, I try to think of it more as a positive secret, something that's extremely individual to me and has led to me becoming involved with a whole community of awesome and lovely people, and introduced me to writing fanfiction! Just because I choose not to share it with everyone doesn't mean it's something bad.

I don't know if any of that helps, but... that's how I try to think of it.

[Watercolor Daydreams]

you never know what quirks, kinks, fetishes, etc. other people might have.

That actually made me feel soo much better. Thank you! And thank you Sen Beret.

[NoV]

When I was younger, I certainly went through times when I was ashamed to have the fetish, especially before my forays onto the internet when I truly believed I was the only person with a fetish for sneezing However, it is perfectly possible to keep your fetish out of the 'real' world. I have never told a soul outside of the forum, and will most likely take the secret to my grave. I have never been one those people who have burning need to tell friends, partners and parents, and prefer them not to know to be honest. I actually believe that if people in the 'real' world around me knew of my fetish it would spoil sneezing for me

So...my advice would be just enjoy it - its certainly not hurting anyone, and there is no law of the land saying you have to reveal your fetish to world. I haven't and I'm happy

[SexualOddity]

you never know what quirks, kinks, fetishes, etc. other people might have.

That actually made me feel soo much better. Thank you! And thank you Sen Beret.

This is so true. The first time I told anyone outside of my husband was when I was drunk on a camping trip and my friend and I were the last people awake. I can't remember what in the world made me decide to tell him (cider), but I did, and he said, something like, 'that is a bit weird but, fair enough, I tend to be attracted to people of a particular ethnic origin so I get it'.

And I thanked him, but I told him that I wasn't sure that the two things were equivalent. And I told him about how hard I found it to like sneezing, and how I would try to wish it out of existence (I've really struggled with shame about the fetish. When I first joined here my first thought was 'How do I ask these people whether there's something wrong with me?'). Once I'd said that, he told me about a completely different sexual preference, one that was more unusual and went much deeper, and was a source of similar anxiety for him. That really made me think about the prevalance of sexual quirks. Maybe it was just chance, but I do think that sexuality is a strange beast and lots of people deal with feelings that they can't really understand, from 'Why am I attracted to this person and not that person?' to preferences that become a defining characteristic of a person's sexuality.

I don't know whether I have any advice, exactly, except to say that I know that it's hard. Before finding this site, I tried so hard to stop entertaining fetishy thoughts in the hopes that the feelings would go away. It didn't work. Now, I'm trying to accept this as a part of me, on the forum and in real life (hence the username). Thanks to the forum, I've learnt that it's okay to acknowledge and indulge my feelings. And I'm not always totally able to do it. I've been here for about four years I think, and I still turn the laptop away from my husband when I write sneezefic, and I still have to battle through about fifty layers of guilt to enjoy it when he sneezes. But, after talking to the people on here, I can myself permission to try to accept this part of myself, even if I'm not able to actually achieve it just at this moment.

So, perhaps that's my advice. It's okay to not feel completely comfortable with the fetish. But give yourself permission to try.

[TheBowler]

I remember when I was first discovering I had a fetish where I asked my brother if he liked watching people sneeze. At that point, I was naive enough to believe that maybe a lot of people felt this way, but he looked at me with a real puzzled look and said that he didn't. I doubt he even remembers I asked him that, but I'll probably remember it forever, because it didn't feel weird until I got that kind of response from it. I did eventually tell my gf about the whole thing though, and it got much better reception from her.

Honestly though I really only told her because she's just a real good-hearted person and she wouldn't tell anyone else either. I can guarantee you I won't tell anyone else in the real world, and I'm quite content with that. I mean, it's pretty embarrassing to have to walk around with this fetish knowing that most, if not all the people around you don't think of sneezing the same way, but that doesn't mean how you, or the rest of us feel about it is wrong. It's just who we are, and nobody should ever be saying it is wrong to embrace who you are.

Basically, tell people or don't tell people. That's a choice we all make. But just know that the people telling you it's wrong are wrong themselves. There's nothing wrong with this, it's just who we are.

[SleepingPhlox]

Well, I've always been of the opinion that, unless I am intimate or am planning to be intimate with someone, they probably really don't want to hear about the finer details of such matters. My partner knows and that's pretty much enough for me.

I don't feel very strongly that people need to know this about me unless it directly affects them. Yes, I have put sneezing into "regular fics" but now that I am here and can write entire fics just devoted to sneezing I may not feel the need to do that as much anymore. Then again, with fanfictions there are usually huge hurt/comfort (which I love almost as much as sneezing!) so in some circles it doesn't come across as all that odd.

Plus, just a huge YES to the whole entire second paragraph of Sen Beret's post. I could not have said it better if I tried for a hundred years. I have a very strong memory of back in the earlier days of the internet, this dude who kept interrupting a totally unrelated conversation to keep talking about women getting their feet tickled. It was uncomfortable and annoying. So I have always remembered how that guy made everyone feel, and try to be very conscious not to do the same thing. I might be really keen to babble on about this or that character sneezing, but not everyone is, So it's not being ashamed of it around others, but respecting that pushing MY "turn ons" into other people's space is not always appropriate.

HOWEVER, I am massively uncomfortable about extending my fetish to non-fictional people or people that I am not directly intimate with. Every once in a while I will get the urge to google someone in the public eye to see if I can find something and...I feel really dirty afterwards. Like no better than the folks who were trading the hacked nude celebrity pictures a while back. Because while it might be innocent to most people, I know full well why I'm searching for it, and I feel like I've been very disrespectful and crossed a line. That kind of thing makes me feel very strongly ashamed of myself and I've never really been able to reconcile it in my mind.

[SmokeyGhost]

you never know what quirks, kinks, fetishes, etc. other people might have.

That actually made me feel soo much better. Thank you! And thank you Sen Beret.

I'd take it one step further. Look around the Internet at other fetishes that people have been blessed / cursed with. Ones where they need to do really elaborate things to get satisfaction. Or worse, ones where they need people to be hurt or feel pain. Or ones that venture into territory that isn't socially acceptable like age. On the one hand, I feel bad for those people because I know that a fetish isn't something you choose, it's just something that you have. And on the other hand, I feel REALLY glad that it isn't me. In the grand scheme of things, we're really VERY lucky here.

You can always seek therapy if it really bothers you. Fetishes aren't AT ALL unusual. You would not surprise a therapist in the least by admitting you're sexually aroused by sneezing. But I've never felt that need. I've always seen it as a good thing. (But no... like many said above, it's not something I bring up in conversation. You can get by just fine never admitting it to anyone if that's what you prefer to do.)

[sexysneezefest]

I'm going through the SAME thing! I would go on youtube "binges", watching sneeze videos for an hour or two at a stretch and then feeling really dirty and guilty about it, so not watching for the next 5-6 months and then "giving in" and binging again. Felt like there was something wrong with me. Like I was a "creep" or something. 3 days ago I stumbled upon this forum. (I don't know why it took me so long to google sneeze fetish forum) But it feels nice to be a part of a non judgmental forum.

I still think I'd DIE before telling someone in the 'real' world about this, though.

[BurgundyJayne]

I joined this forum after a few months of lurking last fall. I had never looked up stories or wavs or videos or anything prior to that. I realized I had the fetish in my early 20s and I'm now in my early 40s. I've never told another living soul about my fetish, I was married for 14 years and have been in a relationship for 3 years. No partner has ever had the slightest idea.

I totally hear you on feeling ashamed. But I'm a shame factory in general, so a lot of things make me feel that way that shouldn't.

I love connecting with others on the forum and I love that my life has been enriched by finding community, and finding wavs and stories I like.

I hope one day the shame feeling subsides. But I'm still not ever going to tell anybody. I'll take this to my grave. Personal preference.

[QueenOfHearts]

I hope one day the shame feeling subsides. But I'm still not ever going to tell anybody. I'll take this to my grave. Personal preference.

I'm 40 now, and have been a member of this forum for a long time (though I haven't said much). I've never been in a relationship, because relationships are...hard for me. :/ Anyways I also have a tickling fetish and have become more open about that - not that I go around telling people but I actually use my usual usrrname (this isn't it) on tickling websites, and people have "found" me that way, plus I go to tickle fetishest gatherings (just the chats, not the play parties). But I have never told anyone about my sneezing fetish. I've always considered it a secondary fetish but to be honest my memories of having it go farther back into my childhood than tickling. I do think though that if I was ever in a physical relationship I would rather indulge in tickling than sneezing with my partner...my own relationship with my sneezing fetish has been kinda weird and guarded, I guess. Its hard to explain.

Not long ago I decided to join fetlife to connect with the tickle fetishists I chat with. What you do on there is you can fill out a portion of your profile with like keywords of all your kinks (I left that blank so far) and you join discussion groups that interest you. I've joined a bunch of those including the very few sneezing ones I could find. The groups you belong to are shown in your profile, so anyone looking at your profile will see them - so now, people I know CAN find out. To be fair I am using yet another username on there, not my common one, but I have shared it with rl friends, so....what I'm saying is for the first time ever I'm sort of revealing that I have this fetish, and I dunno. No one's said anything, but then I guess when you're ON a fetish site you can't express too much surprise at other people's fetishes, lol.

But I still wonder what will come of it. I am in fact ashamed of having this fetish. I dunno. I think this is the most I've ever said on here.

[TouchOfGrey]

I personally don't think it's something I'll ever get over. I will never tell anyone because if someone else knows, even someone close to me, they could tell someone else out of anger, you really just never know. I don't think I could handle that happening. I've tried 'giving up fetish stuff' but you know, I'm human. I have urges and I have not found that to be a practical solution. And it's not even that I want to be 'cured' necessarily... I enjoy my fetish. But the shame is always there. I guess there are worse afflictions out there... but the best way for me to deal with it is by keeping it in anonymity.

[RediChalyn]

I post sneezefics on fanfiction.net but I've never had negative commentary about it. In fact, I met a few people on there who I think are also fetishists since they love reading sneezefics and have actually given me requests/helped me come up with ideas.

[buffysummers]

I hope one day the shame feeling subsides. But I'm still not ever going to tell anybody. I'll take this to my grave. Personal preference.

I feel the same way, I'm not even that comfortable talking about it online, telling someone in real life just seems out of the question. I don't know if I'm even that ashamed, sure it's something other people might think of as weird but there are millions of other "weird" things in the world. I think if you're dying to tell someone you should just do it, shame be damned! But I'm extremely introvert and sharing personal things with other people is like torture to me, sharing something so deeply private wouldn't even enter my mind.

[somuchfog]

I basically just realized mine a few days ago, so for me the shame is REAL deep right now. I'd always had a fascination with illness in general, even as a kid playing house or something, my "character" would always get sick... So it goes back as far as I can remember, but I used to push it out of my mind because I knew other people would find it strange. It's only when i started reading fanfiction and developed a major preference for sickfics that it started to make sense. I realized that I'm into vivid descriptions of characters getting colds and flus, to the point that it's sexual... and it's so weird typing this all out now because that's even more of a confirmation to myself that this is actually a thing!

So basically, I don't plan on telling anyone in the real world about this, and hopefully being active on here and meeting people will make it seem like less of a burdening secret. I know I shouldn't really be ashamed because, as others have said above, it's not like I chose this, and there are FAR worse things to fetishize in the world. But yeah... for now, back to my beloved sneezefic!

[somuchfog]

I post sneezefics on fanfiction.net but I've never had negative commentary about it. In fact, I met a few people on there who I think are also fetishists since they love reading sneezefics and have actually given me requests/helped me come up with ideas.

I'm on there looking for sneezefics all the time! Not sure if this violates any forum rules but can you direct me to any of your writing?? I'd love to check it out!

[Lisayep]

Accepting ourselves for the sneeze fetish AND everything else about ourselves is a challenge that most people face I think. You are, obviously, not alone. I'd say good going to be on the forum already and connecting with other people who feel the same way! That's a great step to acceptance. Honestly, some days I struggle to accept and be kind to myself in general, quite aside from the fetish, so I know how you feel. Just remember though, that the fetish is really harmless.

Also remember.... the more you get to know people, the less 'perfect' and 'normal' you realize they are. Have you had that experience? You get to know someone and you see only their external persona at first, and they seem to have life so sorted! They you get to know them more and realise they have a ton of issues and hang-ups and worries and problems and challenges! EVERYONE is more complex and less normal than the persona they present to the world. I'd suggest most people have some interesting turn-ons... not all of them are willing to admit them. So you're miles ahead of most. And your fetish is harmless and a socially acceptable thing to do in public! BONUS ;-).

[BananaTree]

I've had it since I was a child and I thought, when I realized I LIKED it, that I was nuts. Like totally crazy. See it used to terrify me as a child. I could NOT watch Pinnochio because of the Monstro scene at the end. I would run and scream, crying under the table hysterically. My mom just didn't get why THAT scared me and not some other scene like Maleficent turning into a dragon. I didn't get it either.

I would always be drawn in by anyone on TV sneezing and cartoons. One in particular was a wolf trying to eat little ducklings and he literally captured them by shaking pepper on them, making them sneeze to distract them so he could get them. And they were over-dramatic long drawn out sneezes, of course. lol (anyone else remember this one? It's old)

Sneezing haunted my dreams, HAUNTED them. It was like a curse.

Until I was older. Then the "I must be crazy" and shame kicked in.

When I got internet, I'd find myself looking up pictures and whatnot and feeling weird doing it. Then when I found this place by random Google search I nearly cried. I couldn't believe there were people like me! That I wasn't crazy. I wasn't alone.

I don't think I'll tell too many people in RL. I've told like 2 girl friends.

And on other places in the interbutts I use a diff username and have posted what could be called sneezefic on fanfiction.net. Only my friend noticed the sneezing in it was a bit much, but I did disguise them as "oh this guy has a cold or this guy is allergic to cats" so no one commented "hey this is strange."

Not only have I known I have this "weird" sneezing thing but I also have a crying thing which made me even more ashamed. I mean how evil can I be to WANT to see people in pain? I mean come on, most people don't sob openly - tears streaming, for joy. Some do but not as often. I had to deal with that too. And I have a bit of the tickling as well. (Boy I'm a mess lol)

That all being said, I've come to terms with all this and I'm not ashamed around those that are like me. in RL...idk if I'll ever find a SO that I can be honest about this with. Maybe the tickling lol

What was my point in this ramble?

I don't even know

Oh yeah, I am so thankful that this place exists! Thank you to everyone who made it and all the other sites for us and yes this fetish is pretty harmless.

(Unless you're an idiot who snorts pepper or some crap)

Edited August 15, 2015 by BananaTree

[Niceguy]

People will judge you, but that's true ANYWAY, about ANYTHING. And it's their problem, not yours. Appreciate want you enjoy and if you dont want anyone involved, regardless the reason, they don't have to be. But there is nothing wrong with YOU.

[SneezyPony]

I don't plan on telling anyone about my fetish, I don't want to be seen as weird. I think of it as my own personal little world of stress relieving. This forum that is. I really love sneeze fics and characters getting sick is just qkfmqlfmqkdmqmkdak. I sometimes find reading sneeze fics stress relieving.

[Enrique78]

I'm also in the "not telling" camp. I wouldn't even tell a gf, but I think my reasoning is different. I have more of a sick fetish than a pure sneeze fetish; it has to be authentic (and usually contagious) sickness. Inducing, faking and exaggerating are turnoffs to me. I like it when there's an element of "hard to get" - like a girl who tries hard to downplay or deny that she's sick but who finally gives in, genuinely frustrated and run-down. I wouldn't want to tell a romantic interest about this and cause her to a) deadbolt her doors when she catches a cold, or overexaggerate or create a non-authentic illness.

I was intrigued by a previous post because I too have had a thing for sneezing/sickness for so long that I once thought that people only got aroused when the opposite sex was sick. A bit later, but still as a fairly young grade school kid, I found a nurse's office pass on the floor at school. The pass had been written for the prettiest girl in our grade level, but it was several weeks old. Just seeing the words "fever, cough, stomachache" next to Jessica's name gave me a weird feeling that I recognized even then as not "normal."

Though I've never said anything to a gf, I think I was close to being "discovered" once. My ex-gf came down with a pretty rough respiratory illness and texted me her symptoms - fever, coughing, sneezing, hot one minute/chills the next... Really, she had just about every symptom that fit into my "yum" category. It might have been the fact that I drove 20 miles in like ten minutes and arrived with Vaporub and soup in hand. Maybe it was the fact that I spent the next two days glued to her, spooning and wiping her forehead. Whatever it was, at one point she said playfully, "It's almost like you like me more when I'm sick." *cringe*

[GG Lewis]

I'm also in the "not telling" camp. I wouldn't even tell a gf, but I think my reasoning is different. I have more of a sick fetish than a pure sneeze fetish; it has to be authentic (and usually contagious) sickness. Inducing, faking and exaggerating are turnoffs to me. I like it when there's an element of "hard to get" - like a girl who tries hard to downplay or deny that she's sick but who finally gives in, genuinely frustrated and run-down. I wouldn't want to tell a romantic interest about this and cause her to a) deadbolt her doors when she catches a cold, or overexaggerate or create a non-authentic illness.

I was intrigued by a previous post because I too have had a thing for sneezing/sickness for so long that I once thought that people only got aroused when the opposite sex was sick. A bit later, but still as a fairly young grade school kid, I found a nurse's office pass on the floor at school. The pass had been written for the prettiest girl in our grade level, but it was several weeks old. Just seeing the words "fever, cough, stomachache" next to Jessica's name gave me a weird feeling that I recognized even then as not "normal."

Though I've never said anything to a gf, I think I was close to being "discovered" once. My ex-gf came down with a pretty rough respiratory illness and texted me her symptoms - fever, coughing, sneezing, hot one minute/chills the next... Really, she had just about every symptom that fit into my "yum" category. It might have been the fact that I drove 20 miles in like ten minutes and arrived with Vaporub and soup in hand. Maybe it was the fact that I spent the next two days glued to her, spooning and wiping her forehead. Whatever it was, at one point she said playfully, "It's almost like you like me more when I'm sick." *cringe*

Wow, it's so crazy to read someone describing their experience and have it be so similar to mine. I feel like you someone peeked inside my mind and now you're describing everything I feel.

I have had this fetish for as long as I can remember. I can remember being seven years old and watching an episode of TV where the main character got sick or injured and had to be cared for. Even at that young age, I was aware of feeling so good inside as I watched. I can remember being six years old, and one of my classmates who I had a crush on got sick in school. He ended up collapsing in class, and I had to run and get the nurse. I had this desire to be close to him and take care of him. Remembering that, I feel ashamed that I was drawn in by his suffering.

I feel a lot of deep shame around this fetish, and sometimes I feel like a hateful freak because of it. I always wonder why I just can't be "normal". Right now, I'm really trying to explore romantic relationships more, and I'm wondering how I can do that when I often need a person to be vulnerable for me to be attracted to them.

I've never been in a relationship before. My fetish for sickness and hurt/comfort is so strong that I feel like I would have to tell any partner that I have about it. However, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so ashamed. I've only ever tried to tell a couple of people before: My brother and one of my closest friends. They both love me and are very accepting, and I still can't tell them! Ugh, it's to the point where I'm worried that I can only have a relationship with someone who shares the fetish. I just feel so awkward and freakish.

I am so grateful to have found this community, though. When I started reading on fanfiction.net and realized that people who write "whump"/sickfics are just like me I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. From like age 6-14, I secretly pined away, yearning for episodes of my favorite shows where a character I had a crush on got a fever or got hurt and then someone else took care of them. My stomach is twisting just thinking about it. On one hand, it feels good. On the other hand, I keep reminding myself what a desperate weirdo I am.

*Sigh*, I'm so glad other people are struggling with the same things I am. It's so nice not to feel alone and to feel accepted. Sorry that I just sort of rambled. I just joined a week ago, and this is my first post ever! I guess I just have a lot of pent up feels. So, Enrique78, I just wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same way you do, and your post feels like you peeked into my soul.

[blueprint]

I gotta admit that I have mixed feelings about it. I have known for a very long time that I have a fetish, although when I first felt it, I didn't know what it was called. I was very young. And over the years I have come to accept who I am and that it's a part of me that I can't change and that in a way makes me happier. On the other hand I still feel it's weird and wrong and I have never told anyone outside this forum and I would never tell anyone in the "real world" about it. I'm just not ready to deal with people's reactions and I doubt I never will be and one of my biggest fears is that my husband will figure it out which is weird in itself because I tell him everything! I want to thank all of you posting before me, though because a lot of what you wrote made me feel a lot better about it all.

[Enrique78]

Very, very kind of you to comment. I haven't connected this directly with anyone on a subject like this. Thank you very much. I can definitely sense the awkwardness and shame that you feel. I can relate to a large extent, and I'm certainly not going around talking about this stuff in public, but I do think you're being hard on yourself.

Sure, it's a little weird, but how many other intimate things are also kind of strange? At least with our kink, we're comforting people rather than, say, flogging or restraining or humilating them. You're not going around making people drink stagnant pond water, at least as far as I can tell, so you're not causing the sickness or hurt. If you're like me, it's just that when a romantic interest inevitably gets sick or is hurting in some other way, you just hope that they're the kind of person who will allow you to care for them. I'm sad to hear that this may have stopped you from having relationships. You get turned on when you get to be nurturing; there are worse things.

I could be speaking out of turn, but I'm wondering if the experience with your sick childhood crush actually contributed to the fetish. There you were at an impressionable age in a very high-intensity event, probably the first time you saw someone pass out. More than that, it's this guy you have a crush on, and he's very suddenly depending on you to help him by getting to the nurse quickly. I could see that as the sort of thing that makes an enduring impression. Maybe it's not relevant, but since we're on the same wavelength about a lot, I thought I would throw it out there.

For me, the hurt/comfort thing can blend over into other types of hurt besides sickness (though sickness is my absolute favorite) and those things definitely show up in my personal life. In my own relationships, I tend to go for emotionally expressive and clingy types. I'm turned off by hardcore women who bottle things up or the girl who locks herself in her room for three days when she's sick. There is a definite trend toward vulnerability in my girlfriends. As an example, an ex of mine had pretty significant depression. I feel guilty to even think that a person's psychological fragility might have in any way turned me on, but I guess it is what it is. Vulnerable people can sure make for some complicated partners.

In a nutshell: I wish you didn't feel so marginalized, because I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. I wish you didn't have quite so much of that guilty voice in your head, but I think it speaks to the fact that you have a strong conscience when it comes to people who are suffering. Thanks for posting.