Horsebot 3000 (a Community fic, Jeff)

[Zwee]

A/N: Hey, all! I haven't posted in a really long time. But... I got into the show Community recently (which I don't own, in case anyone was wondering) and kind of fell hard for Joel McHale's character Jeff. Which meant, of course, that I did the natural thing and wrote a ton of sneezefic about him. Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino) is also on the show and is equally gorgeous. Just putting that out there. He does not sneeze in this one, though. Sorry.

I haven't seen much on here about Community, other than the completely stellar and hilarious drabble written by stephab13, which anyone who likes Community should immediately check out.

I'm not going to pretend my characterization or dialogue is as good as hers, but I figured it was worth posting. <3

Anyway. This story is based on the episode from season 3 "Studies in Modern Movement." For anyone who hasn't seen it, Annie moves in with Troy and Abed, and Jeff fakes sick to get out of helping out. He eventually gets spotted shopping by the dean of their community college, who blackmails Jeff into getting Mexican food and singing karaoke with him (among other things).

The premise of this story is that Jeff was actually sick, and just didn't realize it right away. Most of the stuff in here happens in the actual episode (at the end), I just rewrote it so he was sick.

TL;DR: This is a Community fic heavily based on a season 3 episode. Sorry I'm so long-winded. >.<

~*~*~*~*~

After his taxing day, Jeff Winger realized that it was possible he may have made a mistake in not helping Annie move.

His voice was hoarse and sore from yelling at Dean Pelton (and from singing his heart out, but he ignored that), he was in a crappy mood now that he’d realized his e-mail wasn’t safe, and his nose still hadn’t stopped running from the all the extra-spicy salsa the dean had made him eat. Not to mention he had somehow been tricked into singing a duet of Kiss From a Rose, something he was sure the dean would never let him forget.

He also felt guilty. He’d been following Troy and Abed’s live-tweet of #AnniesMove for something to do on his “date” and now he felt bad for faking sick. All his friends seemed to have been having fun, and they would probably be upset at him when they found out he was lying. If he’d just sucked it up and gone to the damn moving party, he could have left early with an excuse and still had time to make the sale at Gap, not to mention he could have avoided the dean altogether.

He was halfway home when he decided to turn around and face his problems head-on. He made a quick stop at the grocery store for drinks and some Advil (his head was hurting for some reason) and then made his way to Troy and Abed’s apartment.

When he got there, Abed was showing everyone an infected-looking cut on his side and the rest of them were exclaiming over it in concern and disgust.

“Hey guys,” he said hoarsely, before clearing his throat with a cough.

“Jeff!” Annie looked at him in surprise. “I thought you were sick!”

“I was…” he began before coughing again, harder this time. “—nt” he finished. “I kinda made it up to get out of helping.”

“But you sound sick,” Annie said, looking concerned.

“Yeah, well, that’s a long story. The point is, I’m not sick. And, I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” Britta said, crossing her arms. Then she shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“It is?” Jeff was not expecting that. He was expecting huffs “not cool dude”s and Annie’s signature shocked squeak. Shirley might lecture him, Britta would definitely lecture him, making his headache even worse.

“Yeah, it is.” Britta said, and Annie shrugged, nodding.

His breath was hitching all of a sudden. He set down the drinks on Annie’s bed hastily and twisted to the side to sneeze into his sleeve. “Hehhihh… Hihh’TSCHhuhh! Hihh…KSHhhew!”

“Gesundheit.” Britta said, and then, without missing a beat, “Oh, hey Jeff, did you know that when it snows, my eyes become large?”

Jeff was confused for a moment, before his eyes widened, as the rest of his friends began to sing loudly. “And the light that you shine can’t be seen!”

“He tweeted it?” Jeff panicked, checking his phone as they surrounded him, getting louder and louder. “HE TWEETED IT!” He cried at the ceiling, as though for mercy.

The rest of them seemed to be enjoying themselves, singing the chorus loudly in his ear and dancing. Even Annie joined in, though to Jeff’s relief it seemed she hadn’t seen the video.

They didn’t stop singing. They sang the whole song.

Jeff only lasted halfway through the next verse before he flipped them off with both hands and walked backwards to the kitchen to escape. At that point they had all been dancing around him, screaming the words at the top of their lungs.

Once to the kitchen, however, his nose had resumed its tickling. Luckily he found a paper towel roll just in time, grabbing a handful because he knew he’d need it. His breath hitched desperately and he directed a helpless sneezing fit into his cupped hands.

“Hehhihh… Hihh’TSCHhhihh! Hehh’ESCHhhuhh! Hhh’TSCHhhuhh! Huhh’KITSCHhhew!”

He hadn’t thought anyone had heard him (the sounds of sing-shouting were still raging from the bedroom) but, to his surprise, Shirley spoke up, her voice dulcet as always. “God bless you, Jeffrey!” She was standing in front of him, looking surprised.

“Thanks,” he said, scrubbing at his nose in irritation.

Then Annie was there, holding a tissue box that looked much more inviting than the paper towel roll he was currently using. “Jeff, you really don’t sound well. Are you sure you’re not sick?”

“As much as I’d like to say yes, that I really am sick and I didn’t lie my ass off this morning and convince the girl at Gap to pretend to be a hospital nurse, that would also be a lie, so,” he took a deep breath, “No. I’m not sick. Sorry, Annie.” But just as he’d finished, the tickle in his nose was back with vengeance. “Hihh… Hihh’TSCHHUHHhh!”

“God bless you again, Jeffrey!” Shirley chirped, followed by a surprised-sounding “Bless you!” from Annie.

“Thanks,” Jeff scowled, annoyed at his nose.

As the night wore on, Jeff’s symptoms grew worse and worse, and his friends grew increasingly skeptical of his fervent insisting of being fine.

Finally, after his fifth coughing fit followed by his tenth, eleventh and twelfth sneezes, the study group could believe him no longer.

It was Abed who broached the subject in his typical candid manner. “Jeff, I know you don’t want to admit it because you’re perpetuating the cool, tough-guy archetype, but I think you might be sick.”

“Abed, that’s ridiculous. I already admitted to you guys I’m not—Hh… Hihh’ITSCHhhuhh! Hehh’ESCHHhhew! Sick.” He grimaced, looking at them all a bit sheepishly. They stared, skepticism on their faces until he sighed, defeated. “I guess it’s possible I’m coming down with something.”

Abed muttered something about a classic storyline, Britta laughed and called it karma at its best, Shirley and Annie cooed their sympathy, and Pierce, grumpy that his paint-fume brain damage had been upstaged by Jeff’s cold, huffed in indignation and pouted.

Troy shrugged. “At least your sneezes don’t sound dumb like mine do.”

Jeff rolled his eyes, coughing into his elbow.

“Poor Jeffrey!” Shirley patted his shoulder. “Troy? Abed? Where is your medicine cabinet?”

Troy and Abed exchanged puzzled looks. Troy spoke up. “Yeah, we don’t have one of those.”

“Is that where you’d keep something for this?” Abed lifted his shirt again, making them all groan.

“Who can drive me to the store?” Shirley looked at the group members expectantly. When no one spoke up, she lowered her voice to a growl. “I know you don’t expect me to walk there!”

“I’ll take you Shirley.” Pierce announced. “Who wants to be around Winger’s germs anyway?”

Shirley hesitated for a moment, as though hoping someone else would volunteer. Then she sighed, picking up her purse and saying, “I’m driving.”

She called a sweeter-sounding “God bless you!” behind herself as Jeff bent with another sneeze, and then the door shut behind them.

“Hey, I know what can distract you from being sick, Jeff.” Abed said suddenly, holding up a finger.

“A bottle of scotch?” Jeff said under his breath.

“Nope, better.” Abed leaned toward Troy and whispered something in his ear. Troy’s eyes widened and he began grinning with excitement.

The two grabbed Britta and Jeff by the arms and dragged them into their makeshift bedroom-blanket fort, seating them roughly on the bottom bunk.

“What’s going on, Abed?” Britta asked suspiciously as they watched Abed bustling around the “room” turning off all the lights.

“Whatever this is, I think I’d rather just be sick and miserable, thahhnks,” Jeff groused, trailing off with yet another waist-bending sneeze. “Hh… HHTSCHhuhh!”

Annie shushed them, clearly wanting to be a part of whatever this was as well. They could see her kneeling beside the other two outside, whispering madly.

After a moment, a bright light from outside the blanket fort was turned on. Jeff could see through rapidly watering eyes that Britta was giving him a look of bewilderment, but he was too busy fighting off an impending sneeze to raise a dubious eyebrow in response.

“Huhh… Hehihh’TSCHhuhh!” He followed this with a fit of harsh coughing.

“Gesundheit.” Britta passed him the tissue box.

Troy cleared his throat loudly from behind the curtain to get their attention.

“Now presenting The Adventures of Troyborg and Horsebot 3000!” Abed announced, followed immediately by the sounds of Annie ‘psst’ing. They whispered another moment, before Abed tacked on a hasty “Joined by Princess Annie-droid!”

The shadows of three puppets appeared, projected onto the sheet in front of them.

“Alright, if I have to sit through this, I need a beer,” Jeff muttered hoarsely, getting up.

“Grab me one!” Britta called after him.

The story of the puppet show was a little hard to follow, seeing as it involved both time and space travel, as well as three different species of alien (all with their own languages), and, inexplicably, a robot horse. But Jeff had to admit he enjoyed it. It was a good distraction from his symptoms for a while.

The show was permeated with derisive looks exchanged between the two audience members, as well as Jeff’s frequent sneezes, but he was having a good time. Britta didn’t even give him flak for drinking beer when he was so sick, although mixing a developing fever with alcohol may not have been a great idea, because he found himself getting emotional.

His sore throat grew tight with rising emotion when Annie cried, “Peace and tranquility have been restored to Greendalia!” And his eyes pricked with tears when Troy added, “All thanks to Horsebot 3000! He belongs to the stars now!”

“Alright, five more minutes and we should probably put a stop to this, right?” Britta was saying, turning in time to see Jeff’s shoulders begin to shake with suppressed sobs. “Jeff!” she cried, alarmed. “Are you—?”

“I liked Horsebot 3000,” he said thickly, biting his lip to keep from crying.

She turned back to the show for a moment, rolling her eyes, then twisted to face him again. She placed a hand on his forehead.

“Alright, bed time, Winger.”

He nodded helplessly, sniffling into his sleeve. “Hht’ITSCHhh!” The room was suddenly blazingly hot, and he fussed with the collar of his sweater in discomfort.

The other three must have overheard Britta, because they appeared from behind the curtain, beaming proudly at their performance.

“Do you feel better, Jeff?” Annie asked earnestly.

“Uh, you were right,” he muttered quickly, his voice fading fast. “That was just what I needed.”

“I knew it!” Abed raised a finger, looking at Troy.

“Awesome!” They high fived each other, and Annie hugged them.

“Aww, you guys! This is going to be so fun!” she cried.

“Heihh’ITSCHH! Huhh’ESCHHhoo!”

“Bless you, Jeff! I think maybe it’s time you went home.” Annie bit her lip, reaching up on tiptoes to feel his forehead. “Jeff! You have a fever.”

He shivered, freezing, then began coughing into his sleeve. He had to place a hand on the wall to keep himself up. His vision was beginning to swim.

“I’ll take him home.” Britta sighed, just as Shirley and Pierce reappeared at the front door.

“Jeffreyyy!” Shirley called. We have medicine for youuu!”

He accepted the medicine with a grimace, allowing Shirley to dose him up, then collapsed dizzily on Troy and Abed’s couch until Pierce began poking him in the back with one of Abed’s fake swords to wake him.

“Time to go home, Jeff,” Britta said, helping him sit up. She slipped under one of his shoulders, and he felt Troy get under the other, supporting him to the door.

“I love you guys,” he slurred sleepily, looking at them all with fever-glazed eyes.

“We love you too, buddy.” He heard Troy’s voice from his left.

The last thing he saw was his friends’ shining faces, fuzzy with his fever and the extra-strength cold medicine Shirley had given him, before his vision faded completely and he fell deeply asleep.

~*~*~*~*~

Hope you all enjoyed it! <3

[MaiMai]

Aaaahhh! I'm freaking out for two reasons right now. One, because A COMMUNITY FIC. I LOVE COMMUNITY SO MUCH. And two, because you wrote it, Zwee, and your writing is awesome!

I loved how you chose to set it in that episode! My mind also went down a similar route when I first watched it. xD

And it was so in character! I particularly loved Shirley's 'I know you don't expect me to walk line', I could totally hear that in her voice. And Abed's character archetype line, too!

The way you described the fever was so cute, and the spellings, too.

Finding this has made my day! Thank you for writing it!

Edited August 2, 2015 by MaiMai

[SneezyHolmes]

Never seen this show but this fic was so cute!

[Zwee]

MaiMai

Posted 02 August 2015 - 04:03 AM

Aaaahhh! I'm freaking out for two reasons right now. One, because A COMMUNITY FIC. I LOVE COMMUNITY SO MUCH. And two, because you wrote it, Zwee, and your writing is awesome!

I loved how you chose to set it in that episode! My mind also went down a similar route when I first watched it. xD

And it was so in character! I particularly loved Shirley's 'I know you don't expect me to walk line', I could totally hear that in her voice. And Abed's character archetype line, too!

The way you described the fever was so cute, and the spellings, too.

Finding this has made my day! Thank you for writing it!

Aww, MaiMai, thank you! Your comment made MY day!

Community is the best. I'm so happy you think it's in character! And I'm incredibly flattered that you like my spellings.

My mind ALWAYS goes down that route, haha. Thank you thank you thank you for the lovely review!!

SneezyHolmes

Posted 02 August 2015 - 10:01 AM

Never seen this show but this fic was so cute!

Hey, thank you!! I'm glad you liked it even without any context! Community is a super good show too, just btw.

[AnteatersOnParade]

This totally read like an episode! I loved it! Very cute and very well nicely written!

[Bruyere]

“He tweeted it?” Jeff panicked, checking his phone as they surrounded him, getting louder and louder. “HE TWEETED IT!” He cried at the ceiling, as though for mercy.

Hee!

Finally, after his fifth coughing fit followed by his tenth, eleventh and twelfth sneezes, the study group could believe him no longer.

It was Abed who broached the subject in his typical candid manner. “Jeff, I know you don’t want to admit it because you’re perpetuating the cool, tough-guy archetype, but I think you might be sick.”

Aww. I really like this description

The story of the puppet show was a little hard to follow, seeing as it involved both time and space travel, as well as three different species of alien (all with their own languages), and, inexplicably, a robot horse.

Can definitely see this being a real thing from the show.

This was such a great story. You captured the whole group really well and their dynamic (I loved how you wrote Shirley, especially) and got the spirit of the show down as well!

[RiversD]

Ooh! I'm working through Community, so I haven't reached season 3 yet, but this was so, so in character. Jeff and Shirley especially, but all of them were wonderfully believable, and I really felt for poor Jeff.

You rock!

[Sass]

First off, I am so so happy to see a community fic! I love that show! You did a really good job of their characterisation, which can't have been easy because they are all so different. Such a great story line too! I like that they were all included too. Your such a star!

[stephab13]

Hooray! More Community!!!

This is just perfection. I LOVE it! Your characterisation is pretty damn good, Zwee! And it's so easy to read, plus you capture their lightheartedness so well. It's magical!

Any chance we'll be seeing more from you? :D

[Zwee]

.

Edited August 9, 2015 by Zwee

[Zwee]

This totally read like an episode! I loved it! Very cute and very well nicely written!

Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm so happy you loved it! And so flattered that you think it read like an episode!!

“He tweeted it?” Jeff panicked, checking his phone as they surrounded him, getting louder and louder. “HE TWEETED IT!” He cried at the ceiling, as though for mercy.

Hee!

Finally, after his fifth coughing fit followed by his tenth, eleventh and twelfth sneezes, the study group could believe him no longer.

It was Abed who broached the subject in his typical candid manner. “Jeff, I know you don’t want to admit it because you’re perpetuating the cool, tough-guy archetype, but I think you might be sick.”

Aww. I really like this description

The story of the puppet show was a little hard to follow, seeing as it involved both time and space travel, as well as three different species of alien (all with their own languages), and, inexplicably, a robot horse.

Can definitely see this being a real thing from the show.

This was such a great story. You captured the whole group really well and their dynamic (I loved how you wrote Shirley, especially) and got the spirit of the show down as well!

Oh my, thank you!! The puppet show part is a real thing (it's the end clip from the episode this was based on) but I used my imagination for it somewhat, so I'm really happy you think it fits! I'm glad you think the spirit of the show is on point, that's a huge compliment for me, so thanks!

Ooh! I'm working through Community, so I haven't reached season 3 yet, but this was so, so in character. Jeff and Shirley especially, but all of them were wonderfully believable, and I really felt for poor Jeff.

You rock!

It's SUCH a good show. I'm rewatching. I just introduced my family to it, so I'm having fun showing them the amazingness that is Community. Um... wonderfully believable!? Thank you a million times! That's sweet. You rock, too!

First off, I am so so happy to see a community fic! I love that show! You did a really good job of their characterisation, which can't have been easy because they are all so different. Such a great story line too! I like that they were all included too. Your such a star!

There should totally be more Community stuff around here! It's so nice to hear that you thought my characterization was good! Thank you so much! Aww, YOU'RE a star too!

Hooray! More Community!!!

This is just perfection. I LOVE it! Your characterisation is pretty damn good, Zwee! And it's so easy to read, plus you capture their lightheartedness so well. It's magical!

Any chance we'll be seeing more from you? :D

Aaahh thank you!! I can't tell you how flattered I am to hear that from you! I'm so happy you liked it, and that you thought it was easy to read!

More? I mean, I have like 10 Community stories saved on my computer right now (as well as some from other shows and things). I could post another if anyone was interested!

Thank you all so much for the sweet reviews!! I love reading them! It fills me with joy!

[NoThankYou]

This was too cute! I miss that show. (Actually, I don't know if it's still on or not, but I stopped watching it because community college only lasts two years and Pierce got too insufferable.)

I love the whole instant karma aspect - oh Jeff, you deserve most of the stuff that happens to you. (: