Struggle with life >_<

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Hello lovely forum, yet again.

I really need to stop throwing stuff on here, but in times or need or just in general wanting for selfish relief, I really don't have anywhere else to go. *sigh...*

So I'm just gonna put it out here.

For those that didn't know, my life currently is driving me more to insanity and road to breaking down from everyday life and stressful situations. Almost two weeks ago I was driven to the Hospital because I had a minor panic attack that effected my breathing, causing hyperventilation and making me pass out. I was kept there for a few days to be kept under observation. Which I didn't mind at first, but then got really edgy. Because who doesn't love being kept? It turned out, that as expected, my body was having a bad response to a sudden increase in blood pressure. I will admit to seeing that coming, but yet couldn't do much about it. I am currently home, so don't worry. After they sent me home with some medication, to take with my current medication, I was a sleeping lump on the bed for a good 8 to 10 hours a day.

Now, for the current situation.

For the past three days I have been dealing, if you can guess, with life drama. Which I deal with on a normal basis. However, these three days just happened to take a turn South. My mother called on the first day that my uncle, who is in his proud early 70's, was in need of surgery to remove a clump of cancer. Needless to say that she was worried, my family was worried, and everyone came rushing to me. I've lost four relatives this year. One fairly recently due to America legalizing Gay Marriage. (Whoot too all my Gay Rights bretheren!) So that goes without saying that that has taken a toll on me as well. Moving on.

On top of work, looking after my brother and his 'disabled' mother, and dealing with the multiple crisis's at hand, I'm losing my fight. Thus losing the battle. For the past four days I have been suffering, yes, suffering, with a persistent migraine that has forbade any attempts to get it settled. I haven't been able to eat, breathe easy, relax, or even get a few good hours. Everything was boring holes and needles into my skull that eventually, I just shut off my phone and closed my laptop. It's going on two days that I haven't turned my phone back on. And I'm just now on my laptop because it's going on 5 am and everyone is asleep, so I can't really do anything ese. All social media that could possibly get my attention is cut, leaving me with nothing but quiet. But that has far from hindered any rest on my rushing brain or my migraine that is pulsing at my temples.

I can't sleep. I'm nauseous to the scent and sight of food, and every damn little speck of light burns. I've tried everything I could to help ease myself down, but nothing is working. I searched up a help guild on my symptoms and all come back with the same results. 'lower my stress level' 'lower my stress level' 'lower my stress level'. I fear I've reached the point of no help and have pretty much just given up everything. The pain is too great and I just can't take it anymore. I'm shaking in heat, sweating in cold. My hands are trembling, and my mind his racing. And honestly I just want to end it. I haven't had an 'ending' thought in a record breaking 7 months, but right now, that's the only conclusion I see for stopping this pain. But I refuse to reach that level in life. I wont go back on it. But if this keeps up any longer, I might not be able to stop it.

So I guess what I was trying to say here, is that...I'm in distress, I'm breaking down, and I don't want to repeat a road I haven't traveled down for a long time. I'm not asking for support, or for any real advise on the struggle. But I am opening up. And I am taking a step forward. But I'm not asking for anyone to join me. I'm just asking that someone will hear this. I'm not asking you to care, or even to acknowledge this. But I want, for anyone who is dealing with a hard struggle, some more severe than mine, to stand up. Don't walk into that dark pull. I know it's hard, and I know damn well that it hurts. But its not worth it.

I'm drowning in a pit of pain and darkness, with hopes of it just suddenly being gone. But I know if that road passes, I've accomplished nothing...

Thank you for your time to read. I know my words can be jumbled and full of nonsense. But for those who really do care. I am struggling. I've been struggling. And there's so much more I could write out. But this was just a small update. Many of you don't care, and that's fine. I know that because I have written this, someone knows the pain I am going through, and I feel more confident in myself for sharing. And I just hope that someone actually understands how hard it is for me, for anyone, to open up about something like this. So again, thank you for taking your own time to read. I'm taking one last day of silence to try and get my barrings. And if that doesn't work, then I'll try every last option I can think of. Because right now, I'm dealing with this alone. And for once, I wish I wasn't...

Wish me luck!

Pyrus_Fangmon, out~

[Arty]

Arty is wishing you more then luck. I want you to get bbetter. I'm so sorry about what's going on. I wish things were easier on you. Please try to rest. That's the only way your body can heal. Are you getting any kind of treatment for the migraine? Please please please allow yourself to rest. :hug:

[Leafeon78]

I hope you get better as arty said rest up it make the process speed up a little wishing you the best of luck.

[Mr Sneezy]

You should get medical help right away. Taking new meds that are possibly clashing with old ones and causing your body to revolt.

Tell your brother and all the rest of them to look after themselves if they're not going to help you.

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Arty is wishing you more then luck. I want you to get bbetter. I'm so sorry about what's going on. I wish things were easier on you. Please try to rest. That's the only way your body can heal. Are you getting any kind of treatment for the migraine? Please please please allow yourself to rest. :hug:

thanks. I'm doingy best to rest, believe me. I want to get better too. But only if I'm able. And for taking something, I can't really with the others I'm taking. But it seems to be leveling out a bit, not nearly gone though.

I hope you get better as arty said rest up it make the process speed up a little wishing you the best of luck.

thank you too. I'm doing what I can.

You should get medical help right away. Taking new meds that are possibly clashing with old ones and causing your body to revolt.

Tell your brother and all the rest of them to look after themselves if they're not going to help you.

no, the meds I was given are good with the others. I made good sure of that. But my migraines have always been stubborn even the strongest ones.band its not like they aren't helping me, there's just nothing they can really do... It really sucks.

[Arty]

Still, you have to take care of yourself before you can other people. ..I know I'm the biggest hypocrite but still...

[Leafeon78]

Okay well I wish you the best