A Big Sneezy Wakeup - Told Side by Side

[sn12345678987654321]

So, the other night I had a sneezy situation happen to me that greatly reminded me of a sneezy situation I saw someone else go through on an airplane. It gave me a fun idea for an observation. What if I told the stories side by side? So you could experience dual sneeze build-ups in all their torturous glory. After all, there is so much beauty in the build-up.

Ok, well . . . It's an experiment so we'll see how it goes.

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"You grab her so I can put her stuff up in the overhead bin." I looked up from my phone to see a somewhat frazzled looking woman foist her 4 month old daughter onto her husband's lap. "crap" I thought to myself. Just what I need. I was on a long international flight, and it was scheduled to travel all night. I had booked the front row of economy in order to get at least a little rest. And now, a couple and their 4 month old were sitting next to me. The husband sat in the middle seat, and his wife sat on the aisle. She was attractive. She had long brown hair. Straight. A thin face with brown eyes. Small lips, and a upturned nose that was sharp, but fit her face really nicely. But she looked tired. Her eyes were all red. Her hair was frazzled. And she was sniffling.

As soon as she sat back down and got all her child gear organized, her husband immediately gave the baby back to her and promptly fell asleep. "Ugh" she quietly said. She sat down and buckled her seatbelt. Ready for a looooong trip.

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As I sat in the rocking chair in my baby's room, slowly rocking back and forth, I felt a deep love, and a deep tired. I looked in the mirror earlier that night, and saw that I LOOKED tired. My eyes looked a little redder than normal, and seemed a little deeper in my face. But I couldn't complain. My wife certainly had it harder. I didn't have to push a baby out.

But at that moment. Alone with my baby in the nursery . . . I felt exhausted. And maybe that sleep deprivation was making me feel a little bit sick. Was my nose a little red too?

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"Hey, I want to apologize in advance. She's normally really good on planes, but we've been going through a bit of a rough spell."

Snifffffffff.

"I hope she sleeps, but she's a little unpredictable. You know. 4 month olds." The woman started chatting with me and preemptively apologizing. Somehow her Australian accent made everything seem a little more ok. I said not to worry. I tried to be polite.

She turned her head to the side, and scratched her nose on her shoulder. And gave another big sniffffffff. It sounded sort of messy. "Are you feeling ok? You sound a little under the weather" I said.

"I think I'm fine. Thanks for asking, my nose is just a little itchy, that's all. And I can't ever really scratch it proper while I'm holding her." I looked at her as her red nose twitched and she sniffled a deep sounding sniffffffff inhale.

We took off, and as soon as we got up into the air . . . The the crying started.

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I was rocking back and forth in the chair trying to soothe my crying baby before giving a nighttime bottle. I was not an expert in soothing kids, and all the bouncing, rocking, singing, patting I was doing just wasn't working. I decided, "screw it, I'm just going to try the bottle."

Like magic. . . . Silence. No more crying, and a little pair of eyes were slowly starting to droop shut. I had one hand cradling the baby, and the other was holding the bottle as I sat in the chair.

All of a sudden, I felt little pinpricks deep in the back of my nose. I tried to wrinkle up my face to make them go away, but they wouldn't. I didn't have any free hands, so I tried to turn my head to my shoulder and rub my nose on it. The pressure of my nose pushing into my shoulder somewhat alleviated the tickle. But it wasn't gone. I snifffffffed in, and tried to focus on anything but the tickle. Feeding typically took about 20 mins. I needed to hold off at least until then.

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About 1.5 hours of persistent crying and angry glances later, the woman started feeding her baby and the crying stopped. Her husband must have built up an immunity, because he had no trouble sleeping through the whole thing. The lights were all out on the plane and most folks had eye masks or earphones on. But you could tell everyone was noticeably relieved when the crying stopped.

The woman was holding her baby in one hand and holding a bottle in the other when I heard a sniff. I was starting to fall asleep, but I couldn't help thinking about her sniffling over there. What if I missed a sneeze. I'll bet she had a beautiful sneeze. Big and loud. An incredible relief to all that itchy torture.

I opened my eyes just slightly. You know. The kind of eye opening you do when you sort of want to look at someone, but you are hoping they think you're asleep (wow . . . rereading that, it sounds pretty creepy).

Anyway, I saw her flexing the rims of her red, running nostrils. wider, and wider. Then she started scrunching up her face. Then a gasp. "Ehhhhhh." Her nose was trembling and her eyes were watering. She took a deep breath, and then a vacant stare came over her face. This was it, I thought.

But she was fighting it. "No. . no . . no . . ." She was silently mouthing. She wiggled her nose from side to side, and her breath started to hitch. "Ahhhh. . . Ahhhh . . " Then she pressed her nose into her shoulder hard and took a deep sniff.

And all was quiet.

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My nose started dripping a little bit. It was so itchy, that I didn't know how I was going to hold it back. I could feel my nostrils involuntarily expanding. Feel the pinpricks getting stronger. I could feel my breath start to to catch. "Ahhhhh. . . " I have never been a soft sneezer. I have tried stifling, and I have no idea how people do it. It's not just that it sort of hurts, but I really cannot hold my sneezes silently in. No matter how hard I try.

I wanted my baby to stay asleep so that I could get some sleep. But I also really wanted . . .no needed . . .mto get this sneeze out. "Ahhhhh . . . . Ahhhhhhhhhhhh." I silently felt myself approaching the threshold. You all know what threshold I'm talking about. The one that you hit, and no matter how hard you try to hold it in, nothing can stop it. I felt my nostrils flare, and I scrunched up my face to try to hold it back just a little bit longer. "No . . . No . . .no . . ." I thought. Just hold it in!

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She wasn't moving a muscle. Everything was frozen in place. She still looked like she was about to sneeze. Eyes rolled back and half shut, nostrils wildly flared, lips forming a pursed oval with tips of teeth showing. But her breath had steadied. At least a little bit. Sneezing would have been disastrous at that point. Not only would she face hours of angry stares for waking the crying baby, but she didn't have any hands free. She wouldn't be able to cover her mouth and nose. If she sneezed straight ahead, she might hit some snooty person in first class. Turning toward the aisle would spray someone else. Down and she would spray her baby. She was frozen in a torturous snarl. I could sympathize with the itchy torture she must have felt. Then . . Her breath started to hitch again. "Ahhhhhh . . . .ehhhhhhh . . .ehhhhh . . . ." She fought it back . . .

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I tried to breathe deeply. Tried to clear my mind. Tried to scratch my nose with my shoulder, but nothing was working. This was a problem. No hands were free. How would I catch what might be a messy, itchy sneeze. Luckily there was no one around. But I did not want to wake this baby. I needed at least a few hours of sleep, "Aahhhhhh" my nostrils opened and flared as I took in a breath. "Ahhhh . . ." It tickled so much. "AAAHHHHHHH." I tightened every muscle in my face to hold it back. But it wasn't working.

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All of a sudden, I could see it in her eyes. I could tell she had given up. I knew the feeling. Screw it all. In this moment, I don't care about the consequences. I just need this itchy, ticking torture to end. She was going to give in.

"Oh no . . . Oh no . . .oh no . . .ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." She took in a huge gasp of air.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"

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I couldn't hold it back. I took in a few last hitching breaths. "Ahhhhhh . . . Aghhhhhhh. "

This was going to be big . . .and messy.

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"EEEEEEEGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" nostrils wildly flaring, her eyes rolled back. Her teeth clenched.

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"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" this was it. . . Point of no return.

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"AAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCHHHHHHEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW"

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One of us let out a massive, uncontrollable, spraying sneeze!!!!

It was amazing!!!

But the baby woke up and started crying.

The other one was able to hold back.

No relief.

But the baby slept peacefully.

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Who do you think it was?

As I was writing the end of it, I realized it might be fun to let you imagine who it was. That way, you can attribute the beautiful messy blast to whoever you most hoped would actually sneeze.

I hope you liked the observation as much as I did.

P.S. If you reeeeeaaaly want to know. . . I'll tell you. But be careful what you wish for.

[Subtly Clashing Wishes]

That was a great obs duet. And I like the fact I don't know who sneezed and who didn't. Bravo!

[glaciosity]

This was an incredible obvs! Thank you so much for sharing. The anticipation....

[Geneticist]

Wow! That was so creative Do let us know eventually, please!

Your writing style is very enjoyable to read....you are a master of sneezy suspense, it would appear!

[Ouro]

This was really clever, I don't think I've ever seen an obs done like this before. Very cool, and I like the open-endedness of leaving it up to the reader to imagine who ended up sneezing. I'm carefully visualizing both and deciding which I like better Thanks for a very novel read!

[AnteatersOnParade]

Beautifully done! The juxtaposition was beautiful. However... I'm a closure kind of gal... so.... *smiles*

[Anonymouse]

I wasn't sure what to expect from this, but damn, it was awesome! Best of both worlds and I like that you left it open-ended. For her sake, I hope the woman on the plane was able to hold back.

[sn12345678987654321]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much. It was fun to capture (and experience). It seems like the majority of commenters like the idea of not knowing who sneezed, so I'm going to keep it a secret.

And thanks for the "master of sneezy suspense" comment. I think it's really just the part of all this I personally like so much. I am really a big fan of when people try hard to hold their sneezes back and ultimately get overtaken by the uncontrolable urge to release, and then finally do . . . regardless of the consequences. . . to sweet relief.

Ok. Glad you all enjoyed!