"Young-ish sexuality" --anyone else relate?

[brokensneeze]

There's something that's really troubling me a lot in my life, and has been doing so ever since I realized it. That is, my sexuality feels "younger" or "less developed" than I myself actually am. I will explain below what I mean, but I just wanted to say that although this has nothing to do with sneezing, since this board has a good balance of people of all genders, orientations, and degrees of asexuality, I thought I might get some answers here. I actually had a convo about this with one member years ago through PMs, but I wanted to share this more generally.

I am quite inexperienced with relationships for my age (I've never had a girlfriend, and didn't even have friendships through much of childhood), and also had some kind of obsessive "crushes" on girls when I was in early childhood that were not reciprocated--I'm saying this because it might explain why I am this way.

But, while I'm certainly sexual (and attracted to girls/women), I want a relationship that's not only with someone who has a similar level of experience as myself, but that is really playful and where we don't necessarily go "all the way" in bed (trying to be as PG as possible, since unfortunately I can't post on the adult board). In other words, I find the female body beautiful, and would like to touch it, but don't have the same focus on "going inside of it" that most guys seem to have. I also have the desire to use more "childlike" or "sweet" names for body parts rather than "dirtier" ones, and am turned on by someone who has innocent curiosity about my body and even hers, rather than outright raunchiness. And I prefer girls who are jumpy and hyper rather than hot and heavy, romantically speaking.

In other words, it seems my desires are more like the "precursor" to actual, adult sexuality than that adult sexuality itself. Where the problem comes is that I wonder how many adult women are still at a stage where they want that kind of relationship, and even still have the required curiosity. Like, most people get the exploring, "show me yours stuff" out of the way before they are adults. There doesn't even seem to be a sexual "culture" for adults who are still into this--even the whole "adult baby" thing is mostly centered around a "parental" role--and to me it says something when there doesn't even seem to be an established fetish for something.

Hopefully someone can reassure me that I'm not as alone as I think--and maybe give me tips on how to find someone else who is the same way.

[Turtles]

There is actually an established fetish.
I just can't remember what it's called right this moment.
But I think it's something along the lines of "Age play" very different to "Adult baby" 
A friend of mine is VERY into almost everything kink related or if she isn't into it, she knows about it.
I'll ask her when I talk to her next.

[Turtles]

I just spoke to her, she says "Yes this is age play"
To find more about this, you're probably going to have to Google it, there may be some forums related to it.

[Guest]

While it is hard to find such people, it is not impossible to find those who yearn for the same earnest, "pure" bond that you do. I have met several people (female and male) who took pride in their "innocence" who were my age and did not consider themselves to be asexual. I cannot say for certain how simple it would be to find someone in your age bracket who is into the more tender, playful parts of a relationship, but I am sure that there are some out there. Perhaps you should consider delving a little deeper into things related to ageplay and see if that is, in fact, what you are looking for. However, from what I have gleaned from your topic, I must say that it simply sounds as though you might not necessarily have a paraphilia or kink for something such as it, and simply want to savor the more chaste aspects of a romance. However, I am not very well-versed in things such as ageplay and the like, so may want to take what I have to say with a grain of salt. I admit that I am rather ignorant about the subject.

As for your question about whether anyone else can relate, I must admit that I am unsure. I used to have such a mindset, but I find that it has become more perverse with age (that is likely thanks to sexual frustration). For a time I actually believed that I was asexual because I would become bored and/or appalled whenever someone I was cuddling with tried to take things up a notch. To be fair that was when I also shamed myself for indulging in anything that would bring me sexual gratification. However, whenever I finally realized that it is perfectly normal and okay to do that I found myself desiring more scandalous things. Sometimes, though, I find that all I want is to be close with someone; to just lie with them under the covers and gently rub their ear or something along those lines. So, all in all, I can empathize with how you feel.

[Nola]

7 hours ago, Ferv said:

I must say that it simply sounds as though you might not necessarily have a paraphilia or kink for something such as it, and simply want to savor the more chaste aspects of a romance.

This is what I was thinking when I read what you described as your feelings, broken. I can empathize with this aspect if this is what you do actually mean. (To be honest, I'm not really sure what age play is, so if you do mean that I probably can't relate). I don't want to give myself any sort of label (I don't like how people just randomly assign themselves things that might not even be real sexualities), but I do consider myself much less interested in sexual things than a lot of women my age. I may just have a really low libido, and I can say for certain I'm very turned off by 'mouth-things'. Basically, to keep this as PG as possible, if I want it done, which is rare, I've always been much better at doing it myself and thus, see no need for all the complications that arise from letting someone into that very vulnerable aspect of my life. Also, my few experiences with sexual stuff has been either unwanted or just....not that great....so maybe I'm coming at this from a very misconstrued and pessimistic perspective. *shrugs* You're not the only one with a 'more advanced age' who hasn't got it all figured out yet, don't worry.

Anyways, that was probably not necessary. But my advice to finding someone like you is to definitely be up front when you're beginning a new relationship. A lot of people can be very willing to at least try to accommodate your needs (this isn't based on statistics or anything, just my observations). 

Also, since you're admittedly inexperienced with relationships, this might have a lot to do with the following:

15 hours ago, brokensneeze said:

it seems my desires are more like the "precursor" to actual, adult sexuality than that adult sexuality itself.

Either way, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and I'm sure you'll find someone who will be accepting of whatever your sexual needs and desires are. Good luck.

[Dusty15]

16 hours ago, brokensneeze said:

(trying to be as PG as possible, since unfortunately I can't post on the adult board)

It looks like you should have access to the adult forum, actually, so you're welcome to post there as well if you'd like to be more specific/in-depth re: the sexuality bits.

As for your question, I agree with Ferv and Nola that it sounds like you are interested in more of a romantic, slow relationship and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of it probably has to do with your inexperience and I would imagine that this kind of relationship feels safer. I can relate somewhat, having not dated much either. I didn't have any sort of a physical romantic interaction until I was 28. 

I think you need to decide whether you want this kind of relationship because it seems safer and more appropriate to you to be with someone who has the same experience level as you, or if you are genuinely only interested in inexperienced/'young in relationships' partners. Because there are probably enthusiastic yet experienced women out there too who would be willing to take things slow with you. Either way, I think you need to be very open and transparent about your experience level and expectations if you plan on entering a sexual relationship with someone if you want it work out, based on what you've said.