Emetophobia/filia : when attraction flirts with repulsion

[Elektra]

Hi guys,

I've read some post mentioning I wasn't the only one around here, so I thought i'd ask around : I'm personnally puko-phobic big time. Not only does it scare me out of my wits for myself, and I'll do anything to avoid it, but the irrational fear also works towards other people : knowing someone is being sick next room gives me tackycardia and can send me directly down to a panic attack.

However, this digust/fear attached to vomiting seems to transform into an obsession when it comes to fiction, and I was wondering if it had anything to do with a fetish. I will repeatedly write scenes where the heroe will suddenly get sick and in need of rescue, and in this context (and *this context only*) it triggers my hurt/comfort response and can be almost a turn-on.

I was wondering if any of you experienced the same thing, with the strange attraction/repulsion contrast, and if you think phobia and fetishes can be linked somehow?

 

 

 

[SneezyHolmes]

I agree, I can not stand the thought if vomiting or being vomited on but in fiction/roleplay I am totally into it but it's solely from a caretaker's perspective. Outside of my desire to take care of those that are sick, I cannot stand puke but I do classify myself as an Emetophiliac to a very minor to medium degree.

[Satan]

This is definitely a really interesting contrast, I can't really relate to it in that way, but I think I understand where you're coming from.

In my case, anything vomit related makes me uncomfortable, no exceptions. It only varies if it's going to make me extremely uncomfortable, or just a little bit uncomfortable.

However, I did experience before that certain other things that I am repulsed by also sometimes make me really curious about them at the same time (not attracted though, just curious), maybe it's just human nature.

I guess the attraction to it (despite the phobia) may come from the attraction to care taking and vulnerability, which often seems to go hand in hand with the fetish in many people. A person who is doing emeto things is after all, very vulnerable.

[Elektra]

6 minutes ago, Satan said:

I guess the attraction to it (despite the phobia) may come from the attraction to care taking and vulnerability, which often seems to go hand in hand with the fetish in many people. A person who is doing emeto things is after all, very vulnerable.

I totally agree with you both, and the appeal is definitely the care taking side. Maybe the borderline factor also come from the movement of 'letting something out', which in sneezing and coughing is really exciting to me, but in throwing up is exactly the opposite. This 'release' factor seems to be the common point...

[Guest]

I can understand where you are coming from completely, Elektra. I have always abhorred and been absolutely, positively disgusted by vomit. Thus, I have lived my life doing my utmost best to avoid it if at all possible. However, ever since I began educating myself more about different sorts of paraphilias, I have noticed that for some infuriating reason the subject is always floating somewhere around my thoughts. I have also taken note that I have brought it up a number of times whether jokingly or otherwise. I cannot say that I have a fascination with the actual act itself as it paralyzes me with fear, but I have come to develop a fondness of sorts for caretaking scenarios involving those with upset stomachs. Since hurt/comfort can be applied to it I have warmed up to it a bit. In spite of that I want to say that it is not a kink for me.

[Sitruuna]

Ok this got longer than I had intended and I kind of almost side tracked really quickly:

I used to be pretty emetophobic about both real life and fictive puke but I've got much, much more comfortable with it in the past 4 or so years. I remember how I realised back when I had just started getting more comfortable with it that if I wasn't emetophobic I would probably find it hot. And that's kind of what happened? Now I can even stand it in real life if the cause is right (ie someone puking because they've drank too much alcohol) and in fiction I find it really appealing. But in the wrong context/scenario it's still a huge NO.

I've been thinking about it in the past couple of months (again) and I'm not sure anymore if I actually ever found myself feeling icky distressing because I was afraid of vomiting or if it always was just about I being a stubborn asshole who wants to fight such urges till the very end, and knowing that with puke I probably would not be able to win that fight. If that makes any sense. I guess when it's I instead of someone else I mostly fear embarrassing myself and showing weakness? And thus my aversion to other people puking due to unknown reasons would simply be "what if it's contageous and I catch it and something embarrassing happens".

Aside from that there's always the actually scary stuff. I'm not afraid of death/dying nor am I afraid of illness, but I do find death by illness very distressing. If you take the things that I usually find hot about being sick to the extreme it suddenly becomes a nightmare. Puke related stuff have a too high probability of serious dehydration and other such problems that easily become lethal. To enjoy puke I need the environment to be controlled enough, the cause to be something that passes easily enough and without medication, and it can't take place somewhere where clean water is not quaranteed nor somewhere where it's really warm. Among other stuff.

Anyway. I actually enjoy other things than the h/c aspect of puking. Like that's nice, too, but I really like all the feelings of physical discomfort and/or pain, the intense need to do something and any attempts to fight the inevitable as well as the moment in which the character realises they can't keep it down any longer.

[Nola]

This is such an interesting topic, and one that I know I need to reply to, but it will be hard to do, and also will probably not make much sense as I try to sort out my thoughts. But, what the heck!

I have always been emetophobic, my mother recently told me a story about me when I was barely two acting emetophobically. I, myself, haven't done the deed since I was seven years old and am very proud of that. In real life, I am appalled by it, get intensely angry at those who do puke and panic the hell out when someone feels ill. I shake, I cry, I can't breathe and I always have this constant 'I want to go home' thought running through my head if I'm ever in a situation that turns from maybe to gross. Even if I am home. I have many ways, we'll say 'witch doctor things' that I do to make myself feel less nauseated when I feel as such, as well, even though I'm smart enough to know better. 

I think my phobia for it is related to control, A LOT. Which is why I get so severely angry when someone else pukes, because how dare they not have the control that I do? And also, I find it unacceptably rude to do it with such 'abandon', like in a trash can, a sink or, goodness gracious, a floor. We poop in toilets all the time, even when it is out of control, our first thought is to go to the bathroom. But it doesn't seem that pukers think that way. To me, at least, I know I'm very, very irrational when it comes to my thought processes here - hence, the phobia.

But here, as it does with many of you, it gets a bit tricky. I can read about it in fiction, I can write about it in fiction, and I even make my favorite characters do it in fiction, instead of just some random character. I even kind of like the idea of 'emotional puking', even though as I type that I recoiled. It is such a strange way to feel. I think because, in many ways, my fetish is also related to control. But that kind of loss of control is more or less, normal, appropriate, acceptable. It is less of a violent loss of control, and therefore, I well, tolerate and enjoy it. So, maybe that's why in fiction it can also be tolerated, because I deem it more acceptable and appropriate. Less violent. 

Not sure that makes any sense. But I think it is what I wanted to say.

[Elektra]

Thanks so much for replying so in depth, you guys are amazing. And yes, Nola it does make a lot of sense to me that it would be connected to an issue of control. It actually reminds me of another thread, where some of us exposed how they loved vulnerability and loss of control in others (I can totally relate) but actually hated it in themselves. Some even mentioned getting mad if anyone not close tried to care for their well being. Being vulnerable definitely equals intimacy to me, whether intended or forced by circumstances, and it can range from almost a turn on to downright unpleasant.

And I can see how coughing/sneezing/puking all get down to letting something happen that you can't control, and letting something *out* as well. And there's the notion of relief/release that follows in each case, even if they're very different.

On 25/07/2016 at 1:48 PM, Sitruuna said:

Now I can even stand it in real life if the cause is right

Well that's kind of good news, there's a way out for emetophobics! The contrast is so sharp to me :  like I will write fiction where I rescue or support SO sick, and take intense pleasure out of it, then in RL I find my partner lying on the couch looking green, a basin on the floor next to him just in case, and the mere sight of the basin will send me haywall! How's that possible?

On 25/07/2016 at 0:31 AM, Nola said:

In real life, I am appalled by it, get intensely angry at those who do puke and panic the hell out when someone feels ill. I shake, I cry, I can't breathe

I'm with you here, except with the anger. I personally shut my ears in case I might hear something! Both your replies evoke control, and also havin the 'right conditions'. Is it that much worse for you when it's family members? I have a terrible phobia of hearing my parents throw up in the middle of the night, for some reason.

Anecdote : there was this one time I flew a plane from Paris to NYC, and we got stuck about NYC unable to land because of a sheet of ice covering the tracks. So we started circling the city...going back and forth, back and forth. And people around me started to puke! And they couldn't go to the bathroom, which was closed cause we were 'in landing process', so the steward started handing out puke-bags....Seriously?!!!!   I did plug my ears , then, in front of everyone, feeling both panicked and ashamed. Looks like I'm no doctor!

[Enrique78]

From an early age, I was pretty intensely emetophobic, but I've gotten better. I think it was mostly that I had an irrational fear of catching a stomach bug and being miserable with vomiting myself. I remember that if someone in my family was vomiting, I wanted to leave the house completely.

I remember feeling really conflicted and odd over this for the first time when I was in junior high. There was a cheerleader at school who was always really nice to me even though I was a shy and awkward kid. One day, I passed by the nurse's office and saw her lying on one of the cots. She said that she had just thrown up and that she felt really cold but that her temperature was hot. Because I had no social skills, I mumbled something and ran off (but not out of disgust or fear of getting sick). I remember feeling an intense curiosity - the first time that I'd wanted to nurture someone who was vomiting instead of being completely repulsed.

As an adult, I'm much better. I don't enjoy the sight/smell/sound of beside someone while they're vomiting, but I don't mind cuddling with someone on the couch who has been sick with a bug. In fact, since stomach stuff is such a personal and potentially awkward thing, and since a lot of vomiting people would just want to be left alone, I'm turned on by the thought of caring for someone who is willing to be that vulnerable in front of me.

[Nola]

On 7/28/2016 at 6:38 PM, Elektra said:

I'm with you here, except with the anger. I personally shut my ears in case I might hear something! Both your replies evoke control, and also havin the 'right conditions'. Is it that much worse for you when it's family members? I have a terrible phobia of hearing my parents throw up in the middle of the night, for some reason.

I am not surprised that you don't feel the anger. I am the only emetophobic I know that feels anger this intensely over it, more so than any other emotion. I do close my ears though, definitely, because the sounds are probably the worst thing because they are so close to something that might actually be okay if not for the, you know...

As for it being worse with family members, perhaps. But then I've always assumed that the reason I thought so was because my home was supposed to feel 'safe' and when someone was throwing up, I didn't feel safe. And since my family members and I shared a home once...I did feel similarly when I lived with roommates in college, if they were sick, I just couldn't function. Then again, once I was in a public restroom and someone...you knowed...and I took that really, really hard. Because you are literally trapped in a stall as you're finishing your business and you have no escape. I still want to die thinking about it. *shudder*

I totally feel you on the middle of the night thing, though. The night is peaceful and quiet and then something so terrible and unexpected happens and you have no time to prepare. Blech.

Alright, now I need a shower. Ick.

[MoonDuck]

I'm assuming this thread is talking about what I think it's talking about, but I can't read anything in here because the word itself just gives me so much anxiety  (And I therefore won't be using the word.) But I want to give my thooughhttts. 

Okay so I hate the thing so much that the actual word could make me cry. I may have, uh, hallucinated a situation recently and that made it all even worse. But anyway, I am positive that I would kind of be into this thing if I weren't so terrified of it, like it's kind of hot to think about for the, like, two seconds that I can. Probably not in real life, though. It's weird to have mixed feelings, but the fear is definitely too overpowering now to consider liking it. Maybe someday. 

I forgot to add: Thinking about my family doing it is way worse than thinking of anyone else doing it (which is true of sneezes, family doing things that are supposed to be sexy is not good). So that also makes me think that I could be into that.

[GG Lewis]

I've always had kind of a fascination with people puking. I've never been afraid of it. I was just really curious about this crazy thing that the human body does. It's so out of the ordinary and weird. I think for me, it's a loss of control issue, too. I agree with liking to see it in others, but hating it in myself, because I always want to be in control.

[skater]

Wow I somehow missed this topic when it was first posted.

I absolutely hate to see or hear it in real life. I don't consider myself emetophobic because it doesn't negatively affect my life at all, except that I'm a little less eager than I should be to help drunk/sick friends.

Emeto in fiction, however, is by far the strongest and most sexual part of my fetish. A million times hotter than sneezing. This is kind of a recent development in my fetish though, and I'm really hoping I'll eventually go back to primarily liking colds and sneezes and cute stuff like that  

[SneezyHolmes]

I'm an emetophiliac for sure. However, I don't like it outside of roleplays or fan fiction. And its simply just a kink that ties into my liking of H/C.

[Rook]

27 minutes ago, SneezyHolmes said:

I'm an emetophiliac for sure. However, I don't like it outside of roleplays or fan fiction. And its simply just a kink that ties into my liking of H/C.

^THIS THIS IS ME IN WORDS THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLMES FOR PUTTING INTO WORDS WHAT I COULDNT  (I'm excited about this because a lot of people don't understand that I like the h/c and angst and not the actual vomit)

[Elektra]

Haha thank you guys for bringing up that topic of mine again, it's still something I write about very often in my fics. And yes, @batmansgirl that makes a lot of sense to me.

Reaching out to someone in need and vulnerability is one of the hottest thing for me.

On 04/08/2017 at 7:54 PM, skatergirl said:

Emeto in fiction, however, is by far the strongest and most sexual part of my fetish. A million times hotter than sneezing.

That is really interesting skatergirl. I seem to recall a sexual episode in my early childhood that involved the idea of puking in that same way (very unconscious on my part) --now I wonder if it has to do with the body movement, and the hold back and contraction that last a few seconds and is out of control, just like during an orgasm (and BLAAAH there goes my attempt at putting something completely hard to explain into words)

Well, at least I tried.

[Rook]

I'm glad i made sense to someone 

[NYCgirl]

I don’t think there’s anything attractive about actually vomiting.  I certainly don’t FEEL sexy when I have to vomit...but the idea of my partner wanting to hold my hair while I vomit (either because I have the flu/am carsick/have food poisoning) and take care of me after...that’s hot.  

[Travel]

Part of what has led me here has been my "brushes" with emetophilia; since I was a kid, I've had a fascination with vomiting: If in a movie or a cartoon or in real life someone was going to throw up, or mentioned feeling sick, I'd feel "hooked", I can't really describe it. As I got older that would keep happening and as a teenager, if a girl I liked told me she had thrown up or gotten sick, I'd feel a stronger attachment to them and like a certain excitement from that. Around this time I learned about emetophilia, but truth is, I struggle really hard to really get turned on by vomiting. I'm not easily grossed out by it, but if I end up watching too many pictures or videos of people vomiting, I start to feel sick myself. Also the empathetic worry I get from it happening in real life is too much, I can't get turned on by it at all. I want to help that person feel better. 

Tending to someone who is sick or the idea of it, especially if it's a short, non-threatening ailment gives me a good feeling and makes me want to get closer to that person. But if it's pushed to extremes like puking, I think that's something I feel more comfortable with role-playing or writing instead of outright seeing it IRL. 

[Guest]

Huh, this is an interesting thread. I personally don't feel grossed out or turned on by emeto, maybe if someone does it in front of me it will probably gross me out, but it's mostly the smell... If I don't smell it, then it will not affect me as much. 

 In some sickness stories it's probable that they will add puking, but if someone takes care of the sick person, I will think it's cute  Also, I HATE when I vomit, when I was a child I didn't have a great diet, so when I puke I get really pale and my stomach hurts, so I try to avoid that.

When it comes to fetishes I think I'm pretty open-minded, as long as you like it and you're not hurting anyone then it's cool 

[Kuchafya613]

This is a really interesting thread and something that I've been thinking about recently!

I've been severely emetophobic since I was five or six, to the point where I would have full-blown panic attacks at the thought of someone possibly getting sick. I'm somewhat better now, but I still jump and cover my ears when people cough too loudly or forcefully. So it's definitely still a phobia for me.

That being said, I started watching videos of people throwing up as a means of exposure therapy...and it kinda turned me on? I'm cringing just writing that because I hate to admit it, but it's true nevertheless. (I've also encountered it in fics and I'm good with it there, too.) I certainly wouldn't call it a fetish because it's still very much a phobia, but it's definitely not 100% revulsion, either. There's just something fascinating to me about how different people sound when they're sick (just like I'm fascinated by how different people sneeze). And I think that a big difference for me is the element of control; when it happens in real life, it's completely out of my control and all I can do is run away, but if it's a video or a sickfic, I can always just make it stop, which makes me less anxious.

[Travel]

One thing I should add, though, is that for a while and maybe even still now, I was terrified of vomiting. I was overly cautious with anything in order to avoid it, I'd say I still am. But overall, I was scared of getting sick, especially with anything related to the stomach. However as I've gotten older, I developed IBS so basically any stomach ailments have become far more constant to the point that although I'd still rather avoid them, I see them more as a nuisance rather than the worst thing that could happened to me. And over the years I've done a lot of work in controlling my anxieties so although I'm still scared of the same things, I think my fears are far more modulated than they were some ten years ago or so. 

 

 

[Natural Sneezes Paradise]

Hello , 

Being sick like a cold with some coughs and sneezes here and there is much different than vomiting . 

As for the first its your body's reaction to the exposure of rain , cold wind , going outside after having a bath ect .

On the other hand vomiting is mostly happening because of germs and the reaction of your body trying to remove them .

Your εμετοφοβία is mostly there because you are afraid of the germs that cause it .Having a cold is natural and every organism has been through it , but not every organism has fought against the same germs .

Just my opinion , please correct me if im wrong .

Have a nice day .

[Travel]

I don't think you're wrong, but remember that there is such a thing as the cold virus so colds are also caused by germs and the like. What I understand happens is that your colder temperatures lower your body's defenses and makes it easier for the cold virus to get into your body and attack it, with the symptoms being mainly a reaction of your body trying to get rid of the virus. 

[Elektra]

Thank you so much for all your contributions, and for making this thread so rich; it's really interesting to read everyone, and I can relate to a lot of things.
@Travel : I think they never found a "cold virus" as of yet? But y

ou have all the other virus, flu and the like, with cold like symptoms, so I guess when you get down to it...;)

On 9/19/2018 at 9:11 AM, Natural Sneezes Paradise said:

Your εμετοφοβία is mostly there because you are afraid of the germs that cause it

I also have the phobia even if it's puking from getting drunk --I never truly got drunk because my stomach would stop me wayyy before that happened. (sometimes I regret that LOL)

On 9/19/2018 at 7:33 AM, Travel said:

However as I've gotten older, I developed IBS so basically any stomach ailments have become far more constant to the point that although I'd still rather avoid them, I see them more as a nuisance rather than the worst thing that could happened to me.

Same here. I've also developed IBS, and digestive pains are something of a daily (and nightly, I should say grrr) nuisance. However, I still never puke --unless I really, really have to, and then I'm terrified. Recently I got up in the middle of the night with serious nausea, and I cursed my inability to let go : honestly, you feel way better after throwing up, but I couldn't help but hold back. I always thought throwing up was naturally accompanied with tachycardia, too, and now I wonder : is it just my own panic that causes it, or normal body reaction ?

On 9/19/2018 at 6:45 AM, Kuchafya613 said:

I've been severely emetophobic since I was five or six, to the point where I would have full-blown panic attacks at the thought of someone possibly getting sick

You and me both. I haven't managed to get back the "exposure therapy" you've tried though : I did try watching Utube videos of puking just to get past the fear, and I just can't do it. I've been wondering also about the breathing factor : you know how breath is a big part of the turn on for sneezing and coughing sometimes? What if with throwing up, the incapacity to breathe was part of the phobia?

 

Just some thoughts....