Birthday Story for MaiMai :) <3

[Sophie<3]

Alright, I've already said Happy Birthday to you in your other thread that I've just started, but, um, I guess I'll just do it again?

Once again, you are amazing, you mean the world to me, I hope you have the best day because you deserve it so much! And to make your birthday just a little better I've written this story for you. The birthday stories you wrote for me (as well as anything else you've ever written for me!) were so wonderful and I treasure them so much, so I'm really hoping that you'll enjoy this thing that I've written for you featuring both sick!Rafe and sick!Daniel!

I had a few more ideas for stories for you, but as you know, I don't have a lot of time at the moment, and somehow, this one story turned out longer than I had initially planned. If I do end up writing any of the other things that I thought I might over the next few weeks, though, I'll be sure to send those to you, too! For now, though, I really hope that this will be enough. Words can hardly express how much your friendship means to me, but as you know, we've talked before about stories being such sweet and personalized gifts, so yes, I really hope this will make you happy!

Enjoy! And have a wonderful birthday! I love you!

PS: Oh, I just realized, for everyone else, I should probably mention that this is a fanfiction for the wonderful Dublin Murder Squad fandom! <3 I mean, surprise, surprise, who would have thought. So, yes, the book is called The Likeness. I adore it with all my heart. The sick characters are Rafe and Daniel. And I adore them, too. (And MaiMai has the biggest crush on Daniel, so yeah. )

 

 

I Remember

 

Memory is a strange thing.

My childhood is mostly a blur with a few pointy, sharp bits sticking out. Nasty details I can’t forget, within that tangle of disorder and messy emotions. School turns things more peaceful, but nothing is in focus here, either; everything still overlaid with the softening filter, condensed into one long dream-like scene.

In my memory, it’s only when I meet the others that things start separating into individual moments. There was the instant when I spotted Daniel in the exam hall while we were waiting in line for registration, my hands fidgety and the muscles in my shoulders knotted with anxiety, him, looking bored and vaguely annoyed and terrifyingly unapproachable. But I straightened my back, took that gulp of air, and - now or never - opened my mouth to talk to him. What came out, of course, was nothing but that silly comment about one of the portraits, but we started talking and I, with more self-confidence than I felt, decided we would see each other again at the library tour the next day. And from then on, it was like everything came into focus, subdued colors going bright with a shock. And everything that came after, Justin and Rafe and Lexie, and the house, is ordered in my mind and detailed and vivid and too real to ever be erased again.

It’s funny, the little things that stay with us. I remember one night, we were all in the living room, content after a wonderful meal. What it was, I can’t quite recall, but the sensual details remain: taste of sea salt and rosemary and thyme and crispness on my tongue. It may have been a roast and salt potatoes that we had, though I’m not entirely sure.

I was sitting in my spot, satisfied and full and a little sleepy after the meal, and I was working on my stool. Similarly, Daniel was sitting in the corner by himself, reading what I believe was Layamon’s Brut, remote and introverted. Arguably, withdrawn can probably be described as Daniel’s modus operandi, but that night, I remember, he looked especially fixated and solitary. It made me want to go over to him, nudge his shoulder, touch his hair, do something, anything, to pull him back into our midst. But I knew that he needed these times to recharge, and I soon realized that it was comfortable in a way, having him down there with us, a natural part of the group even when he wasn’t paying the rest of us any attention.

Meanwhile, Lexie and Justin had found one of Daniel’s books about Irish Mythology on one of the shelves and they were going through it together, pointing out things and making chatty comments. It had started out with Lexie wanted to look at the pictures, exclaiming enthusiastic inanities (“Look, Rafe, this guy looks just like you!”, when she spotted a picture of Aengus, which sent Justin and me into a laughing fit, “Aw, yes, lovely, with the birds around his head and all!”).

Rafe himself was still recovering from a cold that had left him going back and forth between feverishly vague and irritated for a few days. At this point, he appeared to be a bit better; the congestion finally loosening to the point where his nose blowing was actually productive, and the mild fever that had lingered for a while finally gone. He seemed more energetic and generally in a much better mood, too, but he was terribly sniffly and couldn’t help the coughing and sneezing.

“Hey, look, there’s a picture of you, too, Lexie!”, Rafe said cheerily, when Justin turned a page to reveal the image of Cailleach, the old hag, particularly ugly in Daniel’s book with white hair, a blue-ish skin tone and arthritic hands. When Lexie bent over the page expectantly and finally caught sight of the image, Rafe burst out laughing, and Justin began giggling, too.

“Careful, you”, Lexie said, grinning, picked up a nearby pen and pretended she was going to flick it at him. Rafe, in turn, lifted one of his used tissues as well as a single eyebrow challengingly.

“Oh, God, please don’t throw that!”, Justin pleaded and tried to duck behind Lexie.

“For Justin’s sake, I surrender”, Lexie told Rafe with dignity and lowered the pen again.

“Good, because I’ve got plenty of these”, Rafe joked, then suddenly had to cough. It was true. He had been blowing his runny nose almost constantly, poor thing, throughout our dinner and afterwards, and there were balled-up tissues all around him.

“You are going to pick those up, aren’t you?”, I asked him with a warm smile showing that I was being sympathetic more than anything.

“Yeah, sorry”, he said with a helpless liquid sniffle, then quickly got himself another tissue. “I’ll clean up after myself, I promise”, he told me through the fabric.

I hesitated for a moment, my hands with the stool hovering in the air. Then, I put it down and moved over to Rafe, taking a seat on the couch next to him. “How are you feeling anyway?”, I inquired quietly.

He had just finished wiping his nose and folding the tissue away, but before he could reply, he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, took a shaky breath and brought the hand with the used tissue up to his face again to catch three sudden sneezes. “hhh’niushhH! Heh’ieshhH! Het’cheww!”

“Bless you”, I said softly. Justin and Lexie were too caught up in some animated discussion about one of the drawings, but Daniel’s eyes flickered over to us and he echoed my words.

“Thanks”, Rafe said thickly, smiled briefly at me and nodded at Daniel before blowing his nose again with a new tissue. “I’m alright, except for, well, that”, he told me then, and laughed.

“You seem a little better”, I agreed, then reached up to touch the back of my hand to his cheek. He felt a little warm, but not worryingly so, especially since he was wearing a thick wool sweater. My hand was still resting on his cheek when unexpectedly, the vacant look came over his face again. He blinked, gulped a quick breath and reached up to push my hand away, before turning to the side, his arm only half-raised to cover the spray. “Hehh’iuuushhh! Hh’iiieshh! Hup’chiuuu! Oh, Jesus.”

“I mean, you seem better except for, well, that”, I told him with a small laugh, and he grinned through more sniffles.

“Rafe, you need to cover”, Justin told him absent-mindedly, eyes still on the book. The reprimand had an affectionate tone, though. “Otherwise we’ll all catch your cold and we don’t have enough tissues for that.”

“It snuck up on me, Justin! I do make an effort, you know, but these ones came on really quickly!”

“What, are you looking for sympathy?”, Lexie asked him cheekily, glancing up. “Poor Rafe, too ill to be hygienic. Poor baby.”

“You know, sympathy would be nice, at least every once in a while!”

“Aw, come on, don’t pretend Justin hasn’t been waiting on you hand and foot through all of this”, Lexie told him, and I could see a hint of redness creep into Justin’s cheeks while he pretended to be thoroughly absorbed by Daniel’s Irish Mythology. “Bringing you tissues, making you tea, cooking you soup…! And I don’t even think he’s heard a single word of thanks, so…”

“He did say thank you”, Justin objected quietly, but both Lexie and Rafe ignored him.

“Oh, look who’s talking! Like you’re little Miss Gratitude”, Rafe exclaimed, and promptly had to cough again from raising his voice in this way.

“I’m a very appreciative person”, Lexie told him primly, putting on her holy face. “In fact, I’d go as far as to call it one of my virtues.”

This sent Justin into another giggly fit and Lexie herself couldn’t quite keep a straight face, either.

“Oh, yeah? Well, what about that time Justin stayed up with you through the night when you had that terrible cough?”, Rafe pushed on, mock-accusingly. “He was there rubbing your back and holding you and bringing you endless cups of tea, and I don’t think I heard you thank him for that one, missy!”

“I couldn’t thank him at the time because I had no voice!”, Lexie defended herself.

The teasing went on like that for a while, lazy comfortable banter. At times, back then, Lexie and Rafe could keep up this sort of playful mockery for up to an hour, while the rest of us just sat and watched, only interjecting with small comments occasionally.

Eventually, Rafe had another sneezing fit, and when everyone blessed him, he said “Thank you” so pointedly and gratefully that it made us laugh and ended their discussion.

Meanwhile, Lexie, no longer content merely commenting on the pictures, had started reading out parts of the book in a dramatic voice. The only problem was that it was written in Irish, and her pronunciation of the words was truly painful. Justin, being from Belfast, was no help. He had never learned Irish in school. Neither had Rafe, of course. I had, though, and I couldn’t help but cringe at her terrible mispronunciations. Naturally, Daniel had learned Irish, too. He was quite good at it even, better than I was, and finally came out of his fixated state, saying: “Lexie, please.”

This, of course, only served to encourage her, and soon she was doing it on purpose. Her way of saying the words, harsh sounds where they didn’t belong and previously unheard-of phonetic combinations, fetched small noises of disgust, relentless headshaking and several well-meant corrections from an exasperated Daniel, until she grinned her cheeky Lexie grin at him and he finally caught on.

“Really”, he said, with a tiny spark of amusement. “Sometimes I think you shouldn’t even be allowed near languages, Lexie, if you’re going to purposefully slaughter them.”

“And yet, I am studying English Literature”, she told him happily.

“And we’re glad”, I said, with a wink and a smile for her.

 

Only a little while later (Daniel silently absorbed, me happy with the progress on my stool, Rafe snuffling beside me), Lexie got restless suddenly.

“Right”, she said, getting up on impulse. “Love your book, Daniel, but I can’t sit anymore.”

“You’re going out?”, Justin asked disapprovingly, casting a look at the pitch-black outside.

“Going for my walk.”

“Wear a scarf”, Daniel advised absent-mindedly, eyes still on his book. “It’s cold.”

“Thanks, mum, I will”, Lexie grinned, but he gave no discernible reaction. Lexie turned away, but I frowned and began watching Daniel more closely.

Like I said, it wasn’t unusual for him to withdraw into his own mind and become very still, even for hours at a time, but suddenly, it felt to me like there was more to his silence. I couldn’t put it into words, then. The stiffness I perceived in his movements, like he was aching a little, the slight tinge of red on his cheeks… I could have just as easily been imagining it. And still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. It was intuition, preverbal and as inexplicable and unfailing as a young child’s.

Meanwhile, Rafe next to me fumbled for another tissue frantically, and just barely managed to catch two wet-sounding sneezes with it.

“Bless you”, Justin told him, with a quick worried look, then turned back to Lexie with the same frown on his face. “Really, Lexie, I don’t see why you have to go out there all by yourself every single night. It’s dark and it’s cold and it’s creepy – “

“It is not creepy!”, Lexie interrupted, scandalized. “It’s actually quite wonderful, Justin!”

“Oh, really?” He cast another doubtful, uncomfortable look outside.

“Yes! It’s romantic, if anything! The fresh air feels really nice. You get to move a little after a long day of sitting, which, no offense, I knew being a literary student is generally more of a sedentary matter, but wow, I just get all this build-up energy inside me at the end of a day like this, and I feel like I might burst if I don’t walk it off, don’t you?”

“No”, I told her plainly, and Rafe spluttered into his tissue.

I saw the corner of Daniel’s mouth twitch, too.

“Well, anyway”, Lexie proceeded. “It feels really nice, like I said. And it’s a bit like you’re the only person in the world, you know, walking in those lanes all by yourself? But in a good way! It doesn’t feel lonely. More as if you’re ruling everything, like. And the stars are so beautiful out here in Wicklow! Plus, there aren’t any cars or people out. I’m telling you, it’s wonderful.”

“You think there aren’t any people out”, Rafe pointed out, folding the tissue away. “Because that’s how good they are at hiding.”

“Please stop, Rafe”, Justin said, and shuddered. “Like I wasn’t worried before.”

Rafe grinned at him. “What, you actually think Lexie is being stalked by secret ninjas out there? That’s next level, even for you.”

Justin gave a tiny snort and an eyeroll. “Not ninjas, obviously. Don’t be ridiculous. But other people, like? Somebody from the village? It’s so dark out, how can she be sure that nobody –“

“Because I also have functioning ears, thanks very much”, Lexie informed him. “It’s so quiet out, I’d definitely hear if anybody was sneaking up on me.”

“Still”, Justin insisted fretfully. “I just don’t think it’s safe…”

“Come with me, then”, she invited him unexpectedly. Justin, so suddenly confronted, paused and stared first at her, cheerful and inviting, then looked over to me for support.

“We could all go, actually!”, Lexie modified her suggestion. “All of us, together!”

“Sounds good”, said Rafe, giving his nose an absent-minded wipe with the back of his hand. “I feel like I’ve been cooped up for days.”

Predictably, Justin didn’t approve at all. “Oh no! You’re still sick, Rafe. If any of us should not be wandering around in the cold, it’s you. You –“

“I feel much better, thanks!”, Rafe told him insistently.

“You had a temperature of 38.6 only two days ago! You are still sneezing and your cough sounds horrible! If you go out now, you’ll get worse again. Tell him, Abby!”

The pleading eyes when he turned to me for support warmed my heart, but still, I shrugged and smiled. “I think if Rafe is feeling up to it, it’ll probably be alright, Justin.”

“But –“

“The fever’s all gone. And he says he’s feeling better. Right?” I turned to Rafe, who nodded enthusiastically.

“But –“ Justin still didn’t look happy, and now that I had let him down, turned to Daniel, who finally tore his eyes off the page. “Daniel. Do you think we should go out? In the dark, in the cold, where god knows who else…?”

“Jesus, Justin, it’s a walk through Glenskehy, not Guatemala City! I think we’ll live!”, Lexie told him, laughing.

“And I think Rafe is old enough to decide for himself whether or not he’s feeling up for it”, Daniel told Justin evenly, to which Rafe said: “Thank you” with a pointed look at Justin.

“As for the others…” Daniel’s eyes cut across the room, found mine, locked with them.

“I’d like to go”, I said in a quiet voice, and he closed his book right away.

“It might be a good idea for us to learn your route, Lexie”, he said next, with one last look at me before he turned to her. “That way, should anything ever happen, at least we’ll have some idea how to find you.”

“Not you, too, Daniel! Nothing’s going to happen”, she laughed, with an affectionate eyeroll at all our worrying. “And now, come on, I’m not waiting any longer!”

Justin made a small huffy noise, and Daniel said, talking over another battery of coughs from Rafe’s direction, “If you don’t want to come, Justin, you can stay here, of course.”

We walked through the shadowy house, socked feet on wood, tiny clicking sounds amplified in the large quiet rooms at each light that we switched off. Moments later, we were bundled up in our coats, everyone’s face except for Daniel’s hidden behind scarves. The air outside welcomed us just as Lexie had promised: cool and pleasant as cold water, and the view of the stars took my breath away.

Justin came with us, of course. Because that was how we did things back then. Together. We knew of no other way.

Maybe that’s why I remember this nightly walk so vividly, with the clear sky overhead, the softest of winds and small animals in the undergrowth scuttling all around us. It was the only one we ever took together. It was the only time Lexie allowed us to come with her.

We walked in hushed awe for a while. Even Justin, who had made a show of wrapping his arms around his body and looking around warily at first, gradually began to relax, and I caught him staring at the Milky Way in wonder. The view was exceptional that night.

I caught Daniel’s eye and we exchanged brief smiles. His hands were buried deep in his pockets. He looked cold, but he walked on, stoically, and I was still searching for the right words to say when our silence was interrupted.

“Heh…” Rafe stopped, took a shaky breath. We all turned to look at him. “hehh’epchH! Hnn’iuuchH!”, he sneezed then, covering with his elbow. If I hadn’t already been looking at him, the sound might have made me jump.

“Bless you”, I said, dipping my head and giving him a smile. “You okay?”

“Grand”, he sniffled and started walking again. We fell into step instantly. We had only walked a few steps, though, when his breath suddenly starting hitching again. This time, he kept walking, sniffling in a clear effort to make the feeling go away, but failing. This time when it happened, he kept on walking with determination, only ducked behind his elbow again. “Hhhh’iuuSH! Hh’iiutchh!”

Justin blessed him, sounding concerned, then reached out in what seemed like an automatic movement, his fingers grasping at Rafe’s elbow. “Are you alright?”

“Abby already… hnn’iuuSh’ew! Asked me that.”

“You shouldn’t have come out here. It’s much too chilly. If your temperature goes up again tonight - “

“Justin, will you… heh’iewwsh! Will you stop, for the love of God? I’m just sneezing, okay? I feel much better overall, honestly. The pressure behind my eyes is finally gone.”

Justin looked on the verge of making another worried remark when he saw the way Rafe was smiling at him, his nose runny and his eyes watering from the sneezes and the wind, and his fringe sticking out from underneath the hat Justin had forced on him, but his expression nothing but friendly and reassuring.

“Fine”, Justin replied, quietly and tenderly. “In that case, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

The moment was so sweet, so private in a way, that of course Lexie felt compelled to speak up.

“One thing’s for sure”, she said chirpily. “If anybody is lurking in the dark and out to get us, they won’t have any trouble finding us now, thanks to Rafe.”

“Hey”, Rafe protested, on a chuckle. “At least if we get separated, we won’t have any trouble… Hheh’niuuush! Finding each other again.”

“If we get separated, I want to be in the group you’re not in”, Lexie teased. “That way, I won’t be so terribly exposed, but I still won’t have any trouble locating you and everyone who’s with you.”

“Oh, are these your special military tactics? Where did you pick up those?”, Rafe retorted. “Are you secretly a…”  But the sentence finished itself in coughing.

“Military tactics! And what are yours?”, Lexie mocked him playfully. “Communicating your position to others with the sound of your coughing and sneezing? That how professionals do it?”

“At least Private Highland has the group’s interests at heart”, I said, putting on a serious face before cracking up unexpectedly. The wind was blowing my hair into tangles and I reached up to fix it. I caught Daniel looking at me, but when I cut my eyes to him, he averted his.

“You know, I’ve changed my mind, actually”, Lexie exclaimed suddenly, nudging Rafe in the side. “I want to be in your group. It’ll be safest, because any stranger in the dark will stay as far away as possible when they hear you, so they don’t catch your hell plague.”

The surreal atmosphere of those deserted midnight-country lanes didn’t stand a chance against our banter, but I didn’t mind. It just showed to me, one more time, that being with the others meant safety, familiarity, no matter where we were.

As we walked through the dark, we kept on joking and teasing. The sound of our laughter mixed, Lexie’s bubbliness against the background of my low chuckling; Rafe’s was interspersed with coughing.

That was what it was like back then. One of us would make some kind of silly remark, somebody else would respond with something ridiculous, and from there on, it would grow, until we were talking about ludicrous matters as if they were the most normal thing in the world. When we first moved into the house, we had more inside jokes than I could count. Seemingly trivial, everyday words would sometimes send us into fits of giggles that left us all, even Daniel, gasping for air. One time, the five of us cracked up terribly in one of our lectures at the mentioning of the word “lemon”, and to this day, I can never hear or read the phrase “chewable toothpaste” without at least starting to grin.

These are not jokes or anecdotes I could explain to any outsider, and even if I could, I’d never want to.

As we kept on walking, suddenly Daniel and I found ourselves hanging behind. Lexie had taken the lead, her steps were fast and energized. Rafe was making an effort to keep up – possibly to prove to the rest of us that he was truly feeling much better and, in spite of the frequent sneezing, almost over this cold – and Justin, of course, could never stray further than a few steps from him.

Daniel, though, was walking slowly and with his head down, and intuitively, I had fallen back, too, until it was just the two of us walking next to each other. Again, I noticed that his hands were buried in his pockets as if he was cold. He had been laughing along with the rest of us only a little while ago, but now, as I was watching him, I once again spotted the tired look on his face.

“Are you cold?”, I asked gently, unobtrusively turning my body to further reduce the distance between us.

He looked up at me, seemed faintly surprised for a moment, and shrugged then. “It’s a cold night.”

“Why didn’t you take a scarf?”

His nose had started running and he couldn’t help a small sniffle. “There weren’t enough for everybody. Lexie couldn’t find hers and took Rafe’s. I gave mine to him.”

Immediately, my fingers flew up to my throat, grazed wool. “Do you want mine? I don’t feel cold.”

He gave me a small smile. “That’s because you’re wearing it. Don’t take it off. Not for me.”

I dipped my head, returned the smile, a little sadly, because I knew that he wasn’t going to budge. “Alright, then”, I said quietly, and since at this point, we were walking right next to each other, I reached out and linked arms with him. “At least let me do this, then.”

That tiny automatic sniffle escaped him again, and he turned to the side a little, his body going stiff for a second. When I hung on to his arm, though, eventually, he relaxed and our steps fell into the same rhythm.

“What were you reading earlier?”, I wanted to know.

“Brut, at first.”

I squeezed his arm affectionately, smiled. “I thought so.”

“Yes”, he said, and when the wind started up again, since his side was pressed to mine, I could feel a shiver run through his body. “But then I switched to this book my tutor gave me. She wants me to read it for my thesis.”

“Oh?” I turned to him with interest. Ahead of us, Lexie had begun to sing, and Rafe, only seconds after joining in, was cut off by a series of sneezes he caught in cupped hands. “What’s it called?”

“My Name is Red”, Daniel told me, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the note of disapproval in his voice.

“You’re not a fan, are you?”, I asked, amused.

He looked at me, held my gaze for a few seconds, then chuckled lightly. “Not exactly, no.”

“Well, clearly, it’s not medieval epic poetry. So why did she give it to you?”

“The common element are unusual narrators”, Daniel explained. “Each chapter has a different narrator, and they are all rather special. One chapter is narrated by a corpse. Another by the color red.”

“The color red?”, I raised an eyebrow, grinned when our eyes met. “That does sound unusual. How come you’re not intrigued?”

He sighed, and sniffled again. At this point, I was beginning to pay closer attention to it.

“I don’t see why I have to include modern works at all. To my mind, everything I want to analyze is part of the selection of texts I already have, which are all, as you, of course, know – “

“Medieval epic poetry”, I said, finishing the sentence for him.

He heard the affection in my voice, lent me another smile. “Precisely.”

It was comfortable walking so close to each other. Though casual physical contact was common among the five of us, Daniel didn’t usually permit so much of it, and not for such a prolonged period of time. I couldn’t help but feel privileged and faintly excited at feeling his side pressed against mine like that; at the fact that our arms were still interlinked.

I was about to tell him that if he saw no value in those modern texts, he should probably try to communicate this to his tutor, preferably without insulting her and the entire world of modern literature, when he came to a halt abruptly and I was forced to stop with him.

“Daniel, what –“, I started, then broke off when I saw the look on his face. His head was tilted back slightly, his lips were parted, eyes half-closed. He sneezed so rarely that the sight was most unusual. Still, I recognized it. And waited.

He drew a long shaky breath, then finally, his head snapped forward and his wrist came up. He pressed it against his nose and mouth, and I felt his body shake with the force of the sneeze. “Huuh’UuUKshhh!”

I opened my mouth to bless him, but he made a small noise, as if to indicate that I should wait, then sucked in his breath again. At the same time, he tried to disentangle his arm from mine, and I let him go.

“hhh’iiiUUKchh!”, he sneezed, now taking a step away from me. “huhh’ueeUUtshhH!”

“Bless you”, I said finally, and he nodded in acknowledgement without looking at me, then started walking again.

Lexie, Rafe and Justin, ahead of us, were so caught up in some animated discussion (“You could not find your way using the stars, Lexie! You know nothing about celestial navigation!” “How insulting! What if I told you that I sailed around the world when I was thirteen and simply never told you about it?”), they hadn’t even noticed.

I bit my lip as Daniel walked on, then took a few hurried steps to catch up with him. There was no denying now that he looked exhausted, and he had started sniffling again, too. I wanted nothing more than to ask how he was feeling, to reach out and push away his hair, maybe feel his forehead to check for the fever that I suspected he was starting. But I knew of the acute embarrassment this sort of attention would cause him, so I forced my hands into my pockets instead.

“Do you think we should turn around?”, I asked, when Rafe had to stop walking to cough forcefully behind his elbow.

“I think Lexie is already leading us back toward the house”, Daniel replied, and for the first time that night, I heard the change in his voice: slightly lower than normally, a trace of hoarseness. It was only perceptible to those who knew his voice well, but I did. And I was surprised at how quickly this change had been brought on. The sneezes, I suspected, must have torn at his throat and made things worse.

“Hey”, I called out, and Lexie and Justin looked over their shoulders at us, while Rafe’s face, red and breathless from the coughing, was still mostly hidden behind his arm. “We should probably go back home now.”

“We’re already halfway back”, Lexie told me with a grin, thereby confirming Daniel’s assessment. “See, Rafe? I can too astronavigate!”

“You didn’t even look at the sky!”, he argued, as soon as he could breathe again. “It’s just that you’re the only one of us who actually knows these lanes!”

We kept on walking all the same, trusting her to lead us back safely.

Again, Daniel and I were hanging back a little, as Lexie, Rafe and Justin started playing a half-hearted game of tag, without doubt initiated by Lexie. The sound of her giggling traveled on the wind, over to us.

“You’re it!”

“You only touched my hood! It doesn’t count!”

Daniel and I broke into smiles at the same time.

I looked at him, then at Rafe, Lexie and Justin in front of us, careless as children.

The warmth and affection I was feeling was reflected in Daniel’s eyes.

“Aren’t they just…?”, I started, but struggled to find the right word.

“Aren’t they”, Daniel agreed softly.

Rafe’s coughing was growing more frequent now, though. The physical activity and all this talking in the cold air had taken its toll, apparently. At this point, Justin was casting worried glances his way at second intervals, which was probably why nobody but me noticed when Daniel turned to the side and coughed quietly into his fist.

“See”, Lexie said happily when Whitethorn House materialized out of the darkness. “We didn’t get attacked by ninjas or angry villagers with pitchforks. I told you.”

“Ah, sure, we got lucky this time”, Rafe joked, before muffling two sneezes against his jacket sleeve.

“Come on, let’s get you back inside, and into bed”, Justin told him with an affectionate little nudge and a lot of warmth. And I was happy to see that Rafe, exhausted, sleepy, and content, let him, and only smiled and nodded in response.

 

***

 

I can’t tell what time it was exactly when I awoke. It might have been four in the morning. The moon was almost full that night; I might have put it down to that. Except at that point, long before Lexie decided to leave us and everything changed, I never had trouble sleeping in Whitethorn House. On the contrary, I drifted off gently each night and fell into deep, restorative sleep that I never woke from until morning.

This night, I felt, was different. What made me put on a pair of socks and walk downstairs is equally hard to say, but I quite like to think it was intuition.

Walking on surely, as if pulled by invisible threads, I reached the living room, where I found Daniel at the dinner table. I saw him before he spotted me. This, of course, only served to confirm my suspicion that he wasn’t well. He was normally too perceptive for his own good.

There were books spread out on the table in front of him (of course there were!), but he didn’t look like he was actually taking in any of the words. He was staring at the page with a blank expression on his face. For a moment, I hovered in the doorframe. Then, suddenly, he took a sharp breath and brought up a hand. “hhh’UTchHH!”, he sneezed, and as his head snapped down, he turned it to the side just enough to catch sight of me. When he looked up, I saw surprise flicker in his eyes, but before he could say anything, his eyelids were fluttering again and he was forced to press his hand more tightly over nose and mouth to catch more sneezes. “hheh’uuUShhH! Heh’eeuuuKChh!”

Meanwhile, I’d slipped into the living room, closed the door behind me and walked over to him quietly and light-footedly. A fourth sneeze bent his upper body, and by the time it had finished itself in coughing, I was there and my hand was on his shoulder.

“Abby, I’m… terribly sorry”, he managed in-between coughs. “Did I… wake you?”

“Not at all”, I said, and moved my hand to the spot between his shoulder blades, where I began to rub small circles.

“I tried… to be quiet”, he explained, still coughing and breathless. I could feel the vibrations, could feel the hollowness tearing at his lungs. I kept my hand where it was, hoping it would provide comfort and reassurance. “That’s… why I… came down here.”

“Shh, it’s alright”, I said. “I didn’t hear a thing. I just… woke up. And thought I’d go downstairs. I don’t even know why. It was just a feeling I had.”

Finally, he recovered and looked up at me with a small smile. “Your intuitions never cease to amaze me.”

I returned it, then pulled up a chair and took a seat next to him. “I thought you were unwell earlier today, you know”, I said softly. “You could have said something.”

He sniffled, and averted his eyes. “I wasn’t sure myself, Abby.”

I exhaled through my nose, half-chuckle, half-sigh. “Justin was so worried about Rafe. Meanwhile, you are the one who shouldn’t have been walking around in the cold.”

“Like I said, I wasn’t sure, then”, he told me evenly.

The way he looked then, pale and tired, eyes shiny, dark glossy hair a lot messier than normally, lips chapped… it was all I could do not to lean forward and wrap my arms tightly around him right then. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, tell him exactly what he meant to me…

It was all I could do to take a small, measured breath and busy myself with tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, while looking out the window instead of at him. “Did you get any sleep at all?”, I asked, when the urge had retreated a little.

“Not exactly”, he admitted. Then, his breath caught again and he turned away from me in a rush, brought up his other hand this time to cover. “hhh’UTCh’ew! Hnn’IiiKch!”

Out of politeness, he was making an effort to stifle the sound, but I could see how much it hurt, those strong sneezes tearing at his throat and lungs.

“It’s grand”, I whispered, and before I could help it, my hand flew up and I was grasping at his arm. In a smaller voice, blushing, I added: “You can let them out.”

He sniffled again, and I could see him blush, too, but he was helpless with his nose so runny. “Thank you”, he said quietly, fumbling for his handkerchief.

“Of course”, I whispered. “I didn’t come down here to make things worse for you, Daniel. You can… let them out, honestly.”

“Thank you”, he said again, then turned further away from me to wipe his nose.

I couldn’t help a small chuckle. “And you can blow your nose properly, too. Really, I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”, he asked from behind the fabric.

“Absolutely. Have you seen Rafe these past few days?”

He laughed a little at that, then proceeded to give his nose a gentle, but effective blow.

After he’d folded the handkerchief away, we sat in silence for a little while, then I nodded my head at the book in front of him. “What’s this?”

“My Name is Red”, he replied, but he said it so regretfully that I couldn’t help but giggle again.

“The one where the color red narrates a chapter, yes? I heard it’s a work of art. Honestly, I’m so intrigued”, I teased, and he nodded contemplatively.

“It’s an interesting approach, certainly”, he admitted. “I just don’t believe the desired effect was achieved quite in the way that…” The rest of the sentence, however, was lost in coughing.

I moved my chair closer, put up my hand, hesitated for a second and let it hover in the air, then placed it on his back again until the coughing stopped and he was taking deep, shaky breaths.

“Rafe’s cough didn’t start until the second or third day”, I said, with a frown. “I feel like you’re progressing much faster.”

He shot me a quick look that to anybody else could have meant anything, but I, knowing him so well, spotted the trace of uncertainty and sheepishness.

“What is it?”, I asked.

“My throat first started feeling sore in the morning”, he admitted, in a low voice.

“This morning?”

“Well. Yesterday, to be precise.”

“You said you weren’t sure whether you were getting sick! If you’ve been feeling dreadful this entire…”

“The throat might have been from my cigarettes or the cold air or any number of things, Abby”, he told me reasonably, but I regarded him with unconcealed skepticism.

“Right. Because you’ve never smoked before in your life, and the temperature dropped suddenly and unexpectedly.”

He sighed. “You’re right. I might have been able to draw the right conclusions at an earlier point in time. I suppose I was simply…” His breath caught again. He raised one hand quickly, held it up at me like an apology, then turned away again to sneeze into the handkerchief this time. “heh’uuUTSH! EUshh’ew!”

I was relieved to see that he’d given up on attempting to stifle the sound. “Bless you”, I whispered and he thanked me, before giving his nose a self-conscious wipe.

“You can go back to bed, if you’d like”, he said to me then, a bit stiffly.

“Don’t be silly. I’m not leaving you here all by yourself.”

For a few moments, he regarded me silently, and I could see the thankfulness in his eyes. Then, he looked away once more. “I appreciate it, Abby, but I’m afraid, I’m not very good company tonight.”

If it had been daytime or if he had been feeling just a little better, I might have replied with some kind of a joke or a playful, teasing remark. But somehow, the dark empty house invited truths that had never been spoken before, and before I knew it, I found myself whispering: “You are. Good company. Always, Daniel.”

The look of faint surprise on his face was replaced quickly when he began coughing once more.

“Jesus”, I whispered, pressing my lips together in concern. “I really feel like you’re progressing much faster than Rafe was. You sound dreadful.”

“It’s alright”, he tried to assure me, but it didn’t do much, because he could barely breathe and he said it in a painfully raspy, congested voice.

“Really, though, it’s not”, I murmured, then reached out on impulse to place a hand on his forehead. He flinched a little and attempted an evasive movement, but I was determined to keep my hand where it was.

“You have a fever”, I judged then, wide-eyed and concerned.

“I thought I might”, he admitted, reaching up to take hold of my wrist, then moving my hand until it came to rest in his lap. “Earlier, when I was lying in bed, I couldn’t get warm. I went to get a second blanket for myself, but it wouldn’t help. It’s strange, though. Rafe didn’t start the fever right away, did he?”

“Like I said.” I squeezed his hand. “I feel like you’re progressing much faster.”

He sniffled, nodded thoughtfully. “It appears that way.”

“Also, you said it started yesterday.”

I had said it a bit crossly, implicitly scolding him for keeping things to himself and pretending he was fine when really he wasn’t, and in response, his next line came with an apologetic undertone. “I suppose it did.”

“Daniel”, I said next, looking at him intently. “You can’t keep sitting here. I know it’s not easy to go to sleep when you have such a bad cough, but I’d feel much better if you at least went to lie down again.”

He seemed faintly surprised at this suggestion, but at the same time, he appeared to be fairly detached from most emotions, the way feverish people get sometimes, vaguely cheerful and strangely careless. This change, along with the fact that his hand in mine was trembling slightly, led me to conclude that his fever was rising.

“Really, Abby”, he said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. I tried earlier, but I simply couldn’t.”

“I know, I know”, I said soothingly, deciding that it was time to take the lead. “But you could at least lie down again, rest your head, you know? Come. Come to your room with me.”

He looked up at me, a little unfocused, uncharacteristically uncertain. “Will you…?”

“I’ll stay, of course”, I promised quietly.

“Well”, he said, dipping his head, one corner of his mouth lifting. “In that case.”

We made it through the house and up the stairs in hushed silence, though when we were passing Justin’s room, he had to stop and stifle a sneeze. Afterwards, he looked at Justin’s door in worry, but I shook my head and smiled. He’s asleep. You didn’t wake him up.

By the time we had reached his room, he was shivering visibly and I help up the blanket for him. When I was about to cover him with it, he stopped me.

“Didn’t you say… you were going to stay?”

I paused, hesitant for a moment, then smiled at the intent and faintly hopeful look he was giving me.

“Yes. Sorry. Of course I’m staying.” And with that, I lifted the blanket back up and got into bed with him.

The hours that followed weren’t exactly peaceful. As night slowly faded and early morning luminescence started to leak through the clouds outside and spread over Whitethorn House’s eastern wall, Daniel’s light, fitful sleep kept getting interrupted by bouts of coughing. He couldn’t help the incessant sniffling, either, and when he sneezed, both our bodies, pressed so tightly together in the small space of the bed, rocked with the force. All I did was hold him and reassure him with small smiles and mumbled Bless Yous and help him blow his nose, tell him over and over that it was alright, and once, when I’d turned around to face him, I reached up and, daringly and with my breath held, ran a hand slowly and deliberately through his sweaty hair.

“God”, he whispered feverishly. “You look so beautiful. What would I ever do without you, Abby.”

I smiled, heart fluttering in my chest. “Try to sleep, Daniel. I’m not going anywhere.”

And when morning broke, he finally managed to fall into a deeper sleep, and after a while, lulled by the slow and constant up and down of his chest against my back, I followed him.

That was how Lexie found us when she, surprised to find my bed empty, thought to check Daniel’s room. She could tell from his flushed face and the stuffy sound of his breathing how ill he was, decided not to wake us, and went downstairs to make breakfast by herself: apple cinnamon porridge, two bowls of which Justin reheated and brought up to us later that day.

And though Daniel was ill and it pained me to see him suffering, the hours I spent curled up in his bed, with his arm wrapped around me, and his breath against my hair, are one of my happiest memories. The feeling of that deep, comforting sleep even as night had turned into day and sunlight was shining brightly onto my face, is something I’ll never forget. The peacefulness and tranquility of those hours… A single day that felt like a month, precious seconds stretching out luxuriously and graciously, creating a feeling of vastness and longevity that I’ve hardly experienced since…

I’ll never forget those hours, I swear. And how could I?

It was the longest Daniel ever let me sleep next to him.

[MaiMai]

SOPHIE, OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER AND I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE DOING THIS FOR ME, OH MY GOSH!!!  This lovely TL story, oh man oh man oh man, there are SO many things that I want to say about it, because it is so beautiful!!!

Firstly:

22 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

MaiMai has the biggest crush on Daniel, so yeah.

This is SO true though, save me! And this fic that you wrote me just made me fall for him even harder.....

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

In my memory, it’s only when I meet the others that things start separating into individual moments.

I love this detail about things only being clear in Abby's mind once she had met the others! It's almost like nothing even mattered up until that point, because once they met, everything was just so right and things fell into place and everything was so perfect. Also, I love that you chose Abby as the narrator for this! I'm really in love with how you write her voice!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

him, looking bored and vaguely annoyed and terrifyingly unapproachable.

The reference to Daniel looking so unapproachable makes it feel so similar to the original!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

It’s funny, the little things that stay with us. I remember one night, we were all in the living room, content after a wonderful meal. What it was, I can’t quite recall, but the sensual details remain: taste of sea salt and rosemary and thyme and crispness on my tongue. It may have been a roast and salt potatoes that we had, though I’m not entirely sure.

This paragraph is all so beautifully written, and also realistic, in the way that Abby can remember the taste, but not quite exactly what they were eating...? It's really atmospheric!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

Arguably, withdrawn can probably be described as Daniel’s modus operandi, but that night, I remember, he looked especially fixated and solitary. It made me want to go over to him, nudge his shoulder, touch his hair, do something, anything, to pull him back into our midst.

Okay but this description of Daniel is completely spot on! And I particularly love "arguably, withdrawn can probably be described as Daniel's modus operandi". It's really eloquently phrased and captures him really well, I feel! And the fact that Abby wants to pull him back into the present, with them in the lounge, is really sweet.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

It had started out with Lexie wanted to look at the pictures, exclaiming enthusiastic inanities (“Look, Rafe, this guy looks just like you!”, when she spotted a picture of Aengus, which sent Justin and me into a laughing fit, “Aw, yes, lovely, with the birds around his head and all!”).

A) Irish mythology!!! You know I love mythology! B ) Knowing how Aengus is traditionally portrayed, this made me giggle, because there are some similarities between that and how I imagine Rafe!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

feverishly vague

This is my new favourite phrase omg, help.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Hey, look, there’s a picture of you, too, Lexie!”, Rafe said cheerily, when Justin turned a page to reveal the image of Cailleach, the old hag, particularly ugly in Daniel’s book with white hair, a blue-ish skin tone and arthritic hands. When Lexie bent over the page expectantly and finally caught sight of the image, Rafe burst out laughing, and Justin began giggling, too.

Honestly, their teasing and the way you write it gives me life! <3

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Oh, God, please don’t throw that!”, Justin pleaded and tried to duck behind Lexie.

 

“For Justin’s sake, I surrender”, Lexie told Rafe with dignity and lowered the pen again.

Lexie surrendering for Justin's sake, omg, that's precious and hilarious

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

My hand was still resting on his cheek when unexpectedly, the vacant look came over his face again. He blinked, gulped a quick breath and reached up to push my hand away, before turning to the side, his arm only half-raised to cover the spray. “Hehh’iuuushhh! Hh’iiieshh! Hup’chiuuu! Oh, Jesus.”

Rafe pushing Abby's hand away is super super adorable, damn.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Rafe, you need to cover”, Justin told him absent-mindedly, eyes still on the book. The reprimand had an affectionate tone, though. “Otherwise we’ll all catch your cold and we don’t have enough tissues for that.”

The matter-of-fact way Justin points out that they "don't have enough tissues for that" is the best thing ever. Also, how he's sort of telling him off, but not really because there's still some affection there... The Rafe/Justin feels are strong in this one!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Aw, come on, don’t pretend Justin hasn’t been waiting on you hand and foot through all of this”, Lexie told him, and I could see a hint of redness creep into Justin’s cheeks while he pretended to be thoroughly absorbed by Daniel’s Irish Mythology. “Bringing you tissues, making you tea, cooking you soup…! And I don’t even think he’s heard a single word of thanks, so…”

Aaaaaand Justin has been looking after Rafe so well, because of course he has!! He's such a sweetheart.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“I’m a very appreciative person”, Lexie told him primly, putting on her holy face. “In fact, I’d go as far as to call it one of my virtues.”

 

This sent Justin into another giggly fit and Lexie herself couldn’t quite keep a straight face, either.

Omg, Lexie's "holy face", I can picture that absolutely perfectly!  The fact that it's such a blatant lie that not even she can keep a straight face is hilarious, too.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

Eventually, Rafe had another sneezing fit, and when everyone blessed him, he said “Thank you” so pointedly and gratefully that it made us laugh and ended their discussion.

And then Rafe eventually ending the bickering with the pointed "thank you" is so great!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

Naturally, Daniel had learned Irish, too. He was quite good at it even, better than I was, and finally came out of his fixated state, saying: “Lexie, please.”

Hahahahahaha aaahhhh, poor Daniel! Coming down sick and having to deal with Lexie's horrendous pronounciation of Irish on top of that...!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Really”, he said, with a tiny spark of amusement. “Sometimes I think you shouldn’t even be allowed near languages, Lexie, if you’re going to purposefully slaughter them.”

 

“And yet, I am studying English Literature”, she told him happily.

 

“And we’re glad”, I said, with a wink and a smile for her.

Again, poor Daniel, but this is also so funny! And I have so much love for how Abby casually slips in that they're glad she's studying English Literature at the end, aaawww!!  

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

Like I said, it wasn’t unusual for him to withdraw into his own mind and become very still, even for hours at a time, but suddenly, it felt to me like there was more to his silence. I couldn’t put it into words, then. The stiffness I perceived in his movements, like he was aching a little, the slight tinge of red on his cheeks… I could have just as easily been imagining it. And still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. It was intuition, preverbal and as inexplicable and unfailing as a young child’s.

Omg, of course Abby would know him well enough to know just by looking that something wasn't quite right, aaawwww! They're so close!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

no offense, I knew being a literary student is generally more of a sedentary matter,

This made me laugh, too, because man, it's so true!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“You had a temperature of 38.6 only two days ago! You are still sneezing and your cough sounds horrible! If you go out now, you’ll get worse again. Tell him, Abby!”

JUSTIN BEING ALL PROTECTIVE OF RAFE, HOLD ME

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“I’d like to go”, I said in a quiet voice, and he closed his book right away.

Daniel immediately preparing to go once Abby says she wants to go is the most adorable thing!!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

It was the only one we ever took together. It was the only time Lexie allowed us to come with her.

This is so poignant, that this is the only time Lexie ever let them come with her... It makes everything feel just that bit more magical and momentous, you know?

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

He looked cold, but he walked on, stoically, and I was still searching for the right words to say when our silence was interrupted.

Daniel trying not to look like he's cold, aaawwww....!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Heh…” Rafe stopped, took a shaky breath. We all turned to look at him. “hehh’epchH! Hnn’iuuchH!”, he sneezed then, covering with his elbow. If I hadn’t already been looking at him, the sound might have made me jump.

The way they all look at Rafe when this happens though!! I adore how they're so protective and caring with one another!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

Justin looked on the verge of making another worried remark when he saw the way Rafe was smiling at him, his nose runny and his eyes watering from the sneezes and the wind, and his fringe sticking out from underneath the hat Justin had forced on him, but his expression nothing but friendly and reassuring.

 

“Fine”, Justin replied, quietly and tenderly. “In that case, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

 

The moment was so sweet, so private in a way, that of course Lexie felt compelled to speak up.

There are so many different things about this part that I love!!! One is the fact that Justin forced Rafe to wear a hat, because damn that is the cutest thing ever. Another is the moment they have with each other, awww! And then, "of course Lexie felt compelled to speak up" killed me!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“One thing’s for sure”, she said chirpily. “If anybody is lurking in the dark and out to get us, they won’t have any trouble finding us now, thanks to Rafe.”

 

“Hey”, Rafe protested, on a chuckle. “At least if we get separated, we won’t have any trouble… Hheh’niuuush! Finding each other again.”

 

“If we get separated, I want to be in the group you’re not in”, Lexie teased. “That way, I won’t be so terribly exposed, but I still won’t have any trouble locating you and everyone who’s with you.”

 

“Oh, are these your special military tactics? Where did you pick up those?”, Rafe retorted. “Are you secretly a…”  But the sentence finished itself in coughing.

 

“Military tactics! And what are yours?”, Lexie mocked him playfully. “Communicating your position to others with the sound of your coughing and sneezing? That how professionals do it?”

 

“At least Private Highland has the group’s interests at heart”, I said, putting on a serious face before cracking up unexpectedly. The wind was blowing my hair into tangles and I reached up to fix it. I caught Daniel looking at me, but when I cut my eyes to him, he averted his.

 

“You know, I’ve changed my mind, actually”, Lexie exclaimed suddenly, nudging Rafe in the side. “I want to be in your group. It’ll be safest, because any stranger in the dark will stay as far away as possible when they hear you, so they don’t catch your hell plague.”

The whole of the dialogue about military tactics and Rafe giving them away is priceless!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

One time, the five of us cracked up terribly in one of our lectures at the mentioning of the word “lemon”, and to this day, I can never hear or read the phrase “chewable toothpaste” without at least starting to grin.

I'm sorry, but I NEED to know about why they find "chewable toothpaste" so hilarious!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

Don’t take it off. Not for me.

These two lines right here made me fall about twelve billion fathoms deeper in love with Daniel.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

That tiny automatic sniffle escaped him again, and he turned to the side a little, his body going stiff for a second. When I hung on to his arm, though, eventually, he relaxed and our steps fell into the same rhythm.

And the way that he eventually relaxes with Abby by his side, hold me...!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Well, clearly, it’s not medieval epic poetry. So why did she give it to you?”

DANIEL AND HIS MEDIEVAL EPIC POETRY NARRATORS, YES~! (Did I mention that I literally got the idea for my medieval lit research essay from what Tana says Daniel is studying? Maybe this is partly why I love him so much, because we share a love of medieval poetry with weird narrators, haha!)

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

It was comfortable walking so close to each other. Though casual physical contact was common among the five of us, Daniel didn’t usually permit so much of it, and not for such a prolonged period of time. I couldn’t help but feel privileged and faintly excited at feeling his side pressed against mine like that; at the fact that our arms were still interlinked.

I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY THIS IS ADORABLE OMG

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Daniel, what –“, I started, then broke off when I saw the look on his face. His head was tilted back slightly, his lips were parted, eyes half-closed. He sneezed so rarely that the sight was most unusual. Still, I recognized it. And waited.

 

He drew a long shaky breath, then finally, his head snapped forward and his wrist came up. He pressed it against his nose and mouth, and I felt his body shake with the force of the sneeze. “Huuh’UuUKshhh!”

 

I opened my mouth to bless him, but he made a small noise, as if to indicate that I should wait, then sucked in his breath again. At the same time, he tried to disentangle his arm from mine, and I let him go.

 

“hhh’iiiUUKchh!”, he sneezed, now taking a step away from me. “huhh’ueeUUtshhH!”

Hnnnnnnngggg I'm dead. But oh man, that little detail about him sneezing so rarely though? That completely slayed me, because I love when characters who don't sneeze often suddenly do when they're sick, aaaahhh!  And omg, he doesn't take his arm out from in Abby's until after the first sneeze.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

for the first time that night, I heard the change in his voice: slightly lower than normally, a trace of hoarseness. It was only perceptible to those who knew his voice well, but I did. And I was surprised at how quickly this change had been brought on. The sneezes, I suspected, must have torn at his throat and made things worse.

That subtle voice loss, omgggg. Gah you know me far too well!!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“We’re already halfway back”, Lexie told me with a grin, thereby confirming Daniel’s assessment. “See, Rafe? I can too astronavigate!”

 

“You didn’t even look at the sky!”, he argued, as soon as he could breathe again. “It’s just that you’re the only one of us who actually knows these lanes!”

"I can too astronavigate" is an absolutely wonderful line.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Aren’t they just…?”, I started, but struggled to find the right word.

 

“Aren’t they”, Daniel agreed softly.

This is honestly just such a sweet and lovely moment.

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Come on, let’s get you back inside, and into bed”, Justin told him with an affectionate little nudge and a lot of warmth. And I was happy to see that Rafe, exhausted, sleepy, and content, let him, and only smiled and nodded in response.

Rafe letting Justin make him go to bed, my heart...!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

There were books spread out on the table in front of him (of course there were!), but he didn’t look like he was actually taking in any of the words. He was staring at the page with a blank expression on his face. For a moment, I hovered in the doorframe. Then, suddenly, he took a sharp breath and brought up a hand. “hhh’UTchHH!”, he sneezed, and as his head snapped down, he turned it to the side just enough to catch sight of me. When he looked up, I saw surprise flicker in his eyes, but before he could say anything, his eyelids were fluttering again and he was forced to press his hand more tightly over nose and mouth to catch more sneezes. “hheh’uuUShhH! Heh’eeuuuKChh!”

The way Daniel catches sight of Abby during the sneezing, omg...  And I love the "of course there were!" comment about the books!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

The way he looked then, pale and tired, eyes shiny, dark glossy hair a lot messier than normally, lips chapped… it was all I could do not to lean forward and wrap my arms tightly around him right then. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, tell him exactly what he meant to me…

Awwwwhhh, Abby. I wish she could have done this when she had the chance...

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Are you sure?”, he asked from behind the fabric.

 

“Absolutely. Have you seen Rafe these past few days?”

And omg, Daniel's all shy about doing that and then Abby just points out how Rafe has been doing it all the time the last few days!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“My Name is Red”, he replied, but he said it so regretfully that I couldn’t help but giggle again.

This also made me laugh, because I feel this so much! Some books you're made to read as an English Lit student are ones you would really rather not! 

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

“Really, though, it’s not”, I murmured, then reached out on impulse to place a hand on his forehead. He flinched a little and attempted an evasive movement, but I was determined to keep my hand where it was.

 

“You have a fever”, I judged then, wide-eyed and concerned.

And Daniel trying to evade Abby checking his forehead...!

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

The hours that followed weren’t exactly peaceful. As night slowly faded and early morning luminescence started to leak through the clouds outside and spread over Whitethorn House’s eastern wall, Daniel’s light, fitful sleep kept getting interrupted by bouts of coughing. He couldn’t help the incessant sniffling, either, and when he sneezed, both our bodies, pressed so tightly together in the small space of the bed, rocked with the force. All I did was hold him and reassure him with small smiles and mumbled Bless Yous and help him blow his nose, tell him over and over that it was alright, and once, when I’d turned around to face him, I reached up and, daringly and with my breath held, ran a hand slowly and deliberately through his sweaty hair.

This whole paragraph is so atmospheric and immersive 

23 hours ago, Sophie<3 said:

I’ll never forget those hours, I swear. And how could I?

 

It was the longest Daniel ever let me sleep next to him.

AND THEN THIS BIT AT THE END IS SO. SAD. But also so beautiful at the same time?? My heart hurts

Honestly, Sophie, I don't even know where to begin with how absolutely amazing this story is, and how utterly grateful I am!  I got so excited when I saw you had posted this (although I forced myself to wait until after I had slept to read it, because I saw you had posted it at 2 am after a gaming marathon with my flatmate when I was very tired...! ) So, I woke up this morning and immediately started reading it before I had even gotten out of bed, and I just never wanted it to end! I felt so much like I was there with them, like Abby was telling me the story! I didn't stop smiling for so long after I read it! When I actually got up, I was stood in the kitchen grinning to myself like an idiot while I made breakfast, haha! And you know how sometimes, when you read a really good story, it just sticks with you? That's been me all day! It's just been stuck in my head, and I couldn't wait to get back and re-read it and try to at least remotely put into words how much I adore it! It's making me want to reread The Likeness and write so many fics, and that's the best thing ever! Gosh, I hope this comes even close to expressing how much I love it, but gosh. I love this story, and I love Daniel (heh ) and most of all, I love you! Thank you so much for making my birthday amazing with this beautiful beautiful story!

[queenie]

This is precious! Sweet and tender and repressed and melancholic, just like the source material. Good job!

[Winged]

Oh my goddddd   I've told you before that I love when you write The Likeness, but this is probably my favorite of your pieces. Rafe recovering from his cold, Justin being worried, Lexie being cheeky, the teasing about the astronavigation and the tag -- and then Daniel being all stoic and quiet and Abby trying so hard not to be head over heels for him. The scene in the dining room was masterful, I love the "come to bed" trope so much. Beautiful work!

[Sophie<3]

Awwwww, @MaiMai, ohhh my God, thank you so much!! When I read your incredibly sweet, lovely, detailed, appreciative comments the first time they made me so happy! And now I just read them again and they are so amazing! Thank you so much! I had a wonderful time writing this story for you. All I wanted was to make you happy with it, so I'm just really happy to see that apparently, you enjoyed it! And seeing you react to the specific things I put in there just for you is so wonderful! So while I could quote every single line of what you've said and just go "Awww, gosh, thank you so much!" in a gaspy, breathless, choked-up voice from my place down on the floor where I have collapsed crying happy tears, I will restrain myself to responding to a few specific things! But overall, let me just say thank you! Your comments make me so happy!

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE DOING THIS FOR ME

Hahaha, I had to be so secretive, like "Yeah, no, I haven't managed to get any writing done at all lately, like, none at all, it's awful!"

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

This is SO true though, save me! And this fic that you wrote me just made me fall for him even harder.....

Heeehhhh...! Mission accomplished! I like introducing my friends to characters I love and watching them fall for them. And afterwards, I like to make them fall even harder...!

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

A) Irish mythology!!! You know I love mythology! B ) Knowing how Aengus is traditionally portrayed, this made me giggle, because there are some similarities between that and how I imagine Rafe!

Awww, yes, obviously, Irish mythology had to be a thing in this! I just thought the idea of Lexie making all these chirpy clueless comments while going through Daniel's book was pretty cute and funny. But the fact that you already had a clear idea of Aengus that even kind of matches how you imagine Rafe makes this so much better, aww, god, that's amazing!

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

This is my new favourite phrase omg, help.

Same though...? And to be honest, I think I stole it from The Secret History. It might have been "feverish and vague" there, but you know, same concept. Glad you liked it! <3

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

Rafe pushing Abby's hand away is super super adorable, damn.

Eeeep, thanks! And honestly, every single pairing of people within this group is too precious for words, I swear! When the Abby/Daniel ship sank like the Titanic, I was happy to go down with it! Same with Rafe/Justin! (And even Lexie/Rafe, I suppose.) But platonic Abby/Rafe certainly has potential, too. They are just all so infinitely adorable and lovely...!

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

Hahahahahaha aaahhhh, poor Daniel! Coming down sick and having to deal with Lexie's horrendous pronounciation of Irish on top of that...!

Personally, I like to imagine the tired look on his face as well as his exasperated tone of voice.

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

I'm sorry, but I NEED to know about why they find "chewable toothpaste" so hilarious!

That is a drabble that still needs to be written, I suppose!

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

DANIEL AND HIS MEDIEVAL EPIC POETRY NARRATORS, YES~! (Did I mention that I literally got the idea for my medieval lit research essay from what Tana says Daniel is studying? Maybe this is partly why I love him so much, because we share a love of medieval poetry with weird narrators, haha!)

AWWW OH MY GOD, that's amazing!! Seriously, how did you ever live without the Dublin Murder Squad? How did I ever live before coming across these books? How does anybody live a life without Tana French's books? At this point, I think it's safe to conclude that a life without the Dublin Five is certainly possible, but sort of pointless!

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

This also made me laugh, because I feel this so much! Some books you're made to read as an English Lit student are ones you would really rather not! 

1) Clearly, references to life as an English Lit student were a must in this! 2) It was sooo hard to find a good book for my purposes here, though? I needed to find something that matches Daniel's idea for his thesis, but in a modern context. And all I came across were things like child narrators or animal narrators, but I was like "Nooo! It needs to be more unusual than that! I want object narrators! I want an entire novel that's narrated by a fork or something!" And "My Name is Red" was the best thing I found. I suppose I could have just made up a book, too, but since English Lit is your jam ( ) I wanted this to be authentic.

On 30.1.2017 at 0:20 AM, MaiMai said:

And you know how sometimes, when you read a really good story, it just sticks with you? That's been me all day! It's just been stuck in my head, and I couldn't wait to get back and re-read it and try to at least remotely put into words how much I adore it!

Wow, this is such a sweet comment and made me so happy! Thank you so much! I've honestly thought about this a lot and it's so cute and super flattering! Thank you!

All in all, these comments are just further proof of how lovely you are and that you 100% deserved this story as well as 100 more! All I wanted with this was to make you happy, and I'm overjoyed to see that you liked it so much! Thanks so much for your sweet comments, they made me so happy, too! Also, I didn't want to bump your birthday thread again, but everything you said on there was also so incredibly wonderful and brought tears to my eyes, so thank you for that, too! You are too amazing! I am so glad you had a good birthday. If anybody deseves that, it's you. Thanks again for your comments! Much love!

 

On 30.1.2017 at 2:47 AM, queenie said:

This is precious! Sweet and tender and repressed and melancholic, just like the source material. Good job!

Awww, queenie, thank you!! 'Just like the source material' is probably the biggest possible compliment in this context! I feel so flattered! Thanks so much!

On 30.1.2017 at 7:21 AM, Winged said:

Oh my goddddd   I've told you before that I love when you write The Likeness, but this is probably my favorite of your pieces. Rafe recovering from his cold, Justin being worried, Lexie being cheeky, the teasing about the astronavigation and the tag -- and then Daniel being all stoic and quiet and Abby trying so hard not to be head over heels for him. The scene in the dining room was masterful, I love the "come to bed" trope so much. Beautiful work!

N'awww, Winged, thank you!! The fact that this may be your favorite of my TL stories means a lot! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

 

All in all, you guys, high-five to all members of our tiny-but-dedicated fandom! I adore you all.