Easter Mass-ive Sneezes (Surprise for Facet)

[CeruleanBlue]

My title is so clever... *sarcasm*

So, @facet...

I just kind of wrote this — I'm going to call it a ficlet since I normally write longer things lol. It ended up shorter than I wanted, but I wasn't really sure how to continue/elongate it. I spent too long on it to not post it, though. It takes a while for the sneezes to come in, and I'm not very happy with it generally but I doubt it's fixable, so I'm just going to get it over with lol. *well that was enticing*

... I hope you like it lol. *returns to the shadows*

 

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Ryan slowed down the moment they entered the church, subconsciously interlinking his fingers with Andy's. He kept his boyfriend's hand in his own even when they sat down, holding it tighter, even. His gaze darted around the building anxious.

He decided he hated Easter right then and there.

You may be wondering what was making him so nervous about Easter, especially for someone of his stature. He was 6"5 and reasonably built. What could be bothering him so?

The answer is quite simple: the church's traditional decorations of Easter lilies. It was even perhaps a bit too overdone in this particular church — it was difficult, nay, impossible to find an area of vision that didn't contain several flowers.

Ryan didn't find them as beautiful or elegant as the other attendees, oh, no, on the contrary. While he thought they were moderately pretty, he hated the sight of them.

You see, Ryan's allergies bothered him from time to time, but nothing got to him as badly as Easter lilies. There was something about them — the pollen, the teasingly sweet scent — that made him sneeze like nothing else.

Seconds after Ryan and Andy had sat down, he could already smell the overbearing scent. It was equivalent to a person applying far too much perfume. Ryan gave a cautious sniff, and immediately switched to breathing through his mouth as a better course of action.

He struggled to focus on the words Andy was so vehemently listening to. Andy was a very devout Christian, and he honestly loved church, especially on Easter. And this year was the first year he had managed to drag Ryan along with him too.

Ryan was an atheist, and he felt a little awkward in churches, especially around prevalent holidays. He fidgeted with his tie, feeling somehow underdressed even though he wasn't.

He just hoped he could get through mass without...

No, he was fine. He'd be fine.

"Are you going to be okay?" Andy asked him at that moment. Ryan cleared his throat a little.

"Yeah, I'm not being affected by the lilies at all yet. I should be fine," he lied. His nose was already tickling, and it had only been ten minutes or so. He checked his watch. Only four minutes had passed. He winced inwardly. He had a bad feeling about this.

He rested his head in his hand, cupping his fingers over his nostrils. It, of course, wouldn't work, but it was a subtle (hopefully) attempt to filter the air a bit. It didn't help at all.

A half hour into the service, trouble started to brew.

Andy tightened his grip on Ryan's hand when he heard a shaky exhale from the man. His eyes instantly shot to him.

Ryan pinched his nose shut tightly, however, it didn't help alleviate the itching in the slightest. He swore under his breath and ran a hand through his chestnut brown hair tensely. A few moments passed before -- "hh!" -- his breath caught again, desperate and deep. Andy eyed him closely.

"Do you need to go outside?" Andy whispered.

"N-no," Ryan stuttered, and Andy couldn't tell if it was due to the impending sneeze or to anxieties. "I'll be f... heh!" Not only did that render his statement completely unconvincing, but it's urgency and the way it rustled Andy's hair scared the other man thoroughly.

"We're going," Andy insisted, adding an emphasized "now" as a preemptive strike to any resistance. Ryan nodded, afraid to take a breath in to speak as it would certainly turn into hitching. He shoved his fingers against the underside of his nose roughly. His eyes unfocused, and for a moment he thought he would lose it at that moment. Andy grabbed Ryan's arm and practically dragged him out of the church, shocking him out of the sneeze momentarily.

As soon as they stopped moving (and Andy was to his side), Ryan seemed to lose control instantaneously.

"Hahhhh..." The grass in front of him now pointed in his direction, and even Andy's blonde hair waved in the force (prompting him to quickly step behind Ryan).

The issue here was --

An extremely desperate, near-climatic "hehhhh" was stolen from Ryan. Andy covered his ears.

-- Ryan's sneezes were... well...

"Hasschhhhhhyuuuu!! Ehhhhhxtcschahhhh!! Hg'yeshhhhuuuu!! Ihhhhhtschuhhhh!!"

Andy cringed and bit his lip. He wasn't even done yet.

"Hystchhhhhhhuu!! Hah... Hahh... Tschuuuu!! Hihhhhhyeshhhuh!!" Ryan pitched forward with one, two, three more sneezes, with a grand total of seven. He didn't dare cover even one.

Finally finished, he rubbed his nose vigorously to rid it from the rest of the tickle and gave a mighty sniff.

He was afraid to open his eyes.

When he eventually did, after wiping away allergic tears, he was met with dead plants, flattened beyond repair. But that wasn't all. In addition to a few trees missing some branches, there was also a small dip in the ground where most of his sneezes had been directed to. And by small, I mean several yards in diameter.

Ryan's sneezes were gigantic, and so was the force behind them.

He stumbled back in surprise and disappointment, bumping into Andy, who put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay," Andy said in a gentle, comforting tone, spinning the other man around to face him. "It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it."

Ryan averted his eyes guiltily. "I'm really sorry. I know you wanted to enjoy today," he murmured. Andy could barely even hear him, he spoke so quietly.

Andy, at a loss for words, pulled him into a tight hug. He hated it when Ryan was upset (honestly, he could fill an hour's worth of ranting up just on the way Ryan always tried to hide in the crowd — even though it hardly ever worked considering his height).

Ryan let himself sink into the embrace for a few moments. Suddenly, he shoved Andy away from him and did a sharp 180°.

"Hehhhh... Hyiitschuuuuh!!" He let out a final sneeze, possibly even harsher than the previous ones. Once he was sure that it was the last of them, he turned to Andy.

Andy's ears were ringing from not having enough time to cover them.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. A-are you okay?" This time, his stammering was due to nervousness and guilt.

Andy forced a small, relaxing smile and nodded. "I'm fine."

"Do you want to go back in?" Ryan suggested. Andy simply narrowed his eyes and stared him down until he retracted that offer. "Yeah, that's probably a bad idea," he admitted, still sniffling.

"Only probably?" Andy jested warmly.

"Okay, definitely," Ryan corrected himself.

"Exactly. I don't really mind though. Let's just go home."

On the way back to their car, Ryan pointed out, "hey, you know, this is yet another reason why I shouldn't ever come to church with you," earning a chuckle from Andy that turned into a full-blown laugh when Ryan added, "I'm just sayin', I told you this was a bad idea."

Andy elbowed him playfully (if a bit strongly), and Ryan rubbed the spot for a moment before returning the favor.

Andy never forced Ryan to accompany him to church — under any circumstances — again.

 

END

 

 

 

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Yes, Facet, this is inspired by our conversations and the thread on flower preferences lol.

Happy holidays, @facet!

*quickly forces myself to click submit before I change my mind*

[facet]

.

[Usagi]

Oh this was great! Love the suspense of it! I should follow your writing more! 

[CeruleanBlue]

8 hours ago, facet said:

Oh my God!!

This is delightful!

I LOVE the pun title!

Easter lilies!! Boys! Church! (Wait..) YES!

I actually love that you have them at church though for real. I get upset when people think gay people can't / shouldn't be religious.

This is so fucking cool, Blue! Thank you so much! I love that Ryan's like, "Yeah, I'm totall- hiihh..totally fine," and Andy is like, "You're full of shit. We're leaving now."  

And that he thought that it had been 10 minutes..

^^^ This. Oh man. Fantastic. Thank you so much!!!!

I'm actually pretty pleased with my title lol. When in doubt, pun.

Yeah, I came across you saying that you loved allergies to Easter lillies and that churches were swamped with them at Easter so I was like, "hey, I could totally write that right now."

That thought crossed my mind while writing this and I agree — there shouldn't be any problem with gay people being religious.

Haha, yeah, Andy's used to dealing with him by now, plus he's mentally panicking about if Ryan sneezed inside the church.

Lol Ryan wants to leave the second he sees one Easter lily — time is not going to pass quickly for him.

I'm so glad you liked it!!!

 

8 hours ago, TsundereKushami said:

Oh this was great! Love the suspense of it! I should follow your writing more! 

Thanks!! Glad you enjoyed it.  Actually, if you did follow my writing more, this would be the perfect time lol, since I have a lot of free time and I'm writing a lot right now.

[Usagi]

5 hours ago, CeruleanBlue said:

 

I'm actually pretty pleased with my title lol. When in doubt, pun.

Yeah, I came across you saying that you loved allergies to Easter lillies and that churches were swamped with them at Easter so I was like, "hey, I could totally write that right now."

That thought crossed my mind while writing this and I agree — there shouldn't be any problem with gay people being religious.

Haha, yeah, Andy's used to dealing with him by now, plus he's mentally panicking about if Ryan sneezed inside the church.

Lol Ryan wants to leave the second he sees one Easter lily — time is not going to pass quickly for him.

I'm so glad you liked it!!!

 

Thanks!! Glad you enjoyed it.  Actually, if you did follow my writing more, this would be the perfect time lol, since I have a lot of free time and I'm writing a lot right now.

Even better! I look forward to it for sure! 

[Alex Hemmings]

I love it