Passive Aggressive Floral Death Threats - (Original, N)

[Garnet]

Hello, friends. I haven't posted anything publicly on the forum for a while, but here is a new character that I'm not yet freaky and over-attached to, so. Here you go! The setting is loosely settled in the modern monsterverse that I've placed other drabbles in, where humans and magical beings interact on the regular, but occasionally in weird ways. The victim here is my walking techno shitpost character of a lich, Bluebell. No visual reference yet, still working on the art, so use your imagination until then.

Not proofread at all, in my usual fashion. Enjoy!

 

---

 

"Excuse me, sugar."

Mia nearly leapt a country mile, when the slow syrup of the stranger's voice crept into her oblivious subconscious. She'd been bent over the back counter, ribboning together a few custom orders, and hadn't heard the door chime go off.

Which, in retrospect, was a bit odd. The automated ping was a ruthlessly loud and obnoxious thing that frequently frightened her, even a year into her employment, out of rote daily tasks. 

She hastily dried her hands on her apron and bustled around the half-partition to the front, plastering on her default retail smile for the stranger lingering there on a propped elbow.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't hear you come in!"

In fact, how in the world had someone slipped in so beneath her notice? She was certain that the last customer she'd helped, face-to-face, had been over an hour ago. Had this person really been lurking among the displays that long without her notice? That seemed... almost impossible...

Trying not to let her reflexive nerves show, Mia gathered herself to a perky false confidence. "How can I help you?"

Her customer of the hour was... well... something, at a glance. Some months into this line of work, and Mia had become quite accustomed to histrionic and panicked brides, desperate partners seeking to ply their loved ones with ornamentals, and the grim begrieved. Flowers were for many occasions, and for the life of her, she couldn't immediately match one to this person.

Hell, she couldn't even pin a gender on them, at a glance. Tall, but not towering, with a bone structure that was both chiseled, jaw-firm and strong in the cheeks,  yet held enough fragility to suggest a shift in either direction, or else none at all. The presence of heavy, dark lashes, a svelte physique, and plush lips could have gone in either direction. Their cleanly hemmed, neutral business casual suit of a lazy, geometric blazer, patterned blouse and slacks was equally untelling. Even their hairstyle was worn purposefully ambiguous -- shaved on the sides, with the rest gathered into an exceedingly long, thick ponytail that been dyed a rich navy blue. 

Their voice gave no further clue, a comfortable and complacent middle-register dripping with accent as they extended an index finger and tapped lightly on the counter in an idle gesture. Sniffed once, maybe for emphasis. 

"I'd like to arrange a custom bouquet, for delivery, if y'all got the time?"

The smooth, molasses cadence of their Southern drawl did a good job of assuaging any lurking distrust about the circumstances of their arrival. Mia found herself smiling genuinely at the customer.

"Well, sure! It won't go out until tomorrow at the earliest, though, if that's alright?"

The stranger folded both of their arms, now, across the service desk, and smiled in a thin band of pearlescent white. "That's just fine."

Mia licked her lips, glanced at a few of the ornate silver rings on the stranger's hands, then reached for a small, handheld tablet stashed under the counter and pre-loaded with the store's inventory, including what hadn't made it to the display floor yet. 

"Okay. What's... what's the occasion?"

The stranger's dark eyes lidded slightly. In contrast to their deeply saturated hair and pale, nearly-pasty skin, they were black, black, black as the abyss. 

"Oh, gloating, definitely."

Mia's brows picked up, bemused and amused at once. It wasn't so common for a customer to come right out and admit some pettiness, but here this person was simpering at her counter. They sniffed again, swept a long finger in a firm back-and-forth beneath their septum. Belatedly, she noticed a tiny, black steel hoop pierced right through it, cabochon'd with a little blue gem. "What d'ya recommend for that?"

She pressed a crooked forefinger to the thin line of her lips, contemplative. Here was a singular opportunity to venture outside of the norm of her day-to-day requests, and she felt cattishly rejuvenated by the idea whilst also inclined to mind her space.

"Well. I guess that would depend upon the individual, and the history," she started, and suppressed her grin as the stranger leaned in with their deep, dark eyes, bright hair, and long nose. She decided that she liked them a bit, even if their vibe was a somewhat creepy one.

"I need somethin' that says, oh..." The customer sing-songed with a side-to-side, thoughtful rock of their head that made their ponytail sway. "Imagine a little florist popped up right down the ways, there. They're not very good, but they think just the world of themselves and couldn't keep their noses out of your shop?" They hummed. "Somethin' that says... I'm better than you, now mind your damned business or I'll mind it for you." 

"Ahhh, yes. The passive aggressive floral death threat gesture," Mia ventured outside of her typical banter-bravery with a customer that she didn't know from beans. Nonetheless, the stranger had a queer, vibrant energy that she thought she could pick up on. The broad smile they rewarded her with felt like a fizzy little high in her chest.

"Now you're barkin' up the right tree." 

Mia laughed, and turned the tablet to face them on the countertop. "Well, there's plenty of flowers that symbolized insulting things, in Victorian times. Petunias and butterfly weed meant resentment," she began, tapping through a few options for their selection. "Peonies can mean anger..." 

"Oh, lord," the stranger blurted with a liquid, caramel laugh, tempered only by the hasty sniff that followed, and the chuck of a knuckle under their nose, although it didn't appear to dull their humor much. "Mm, 'scuse me. The pink! That's the most hideous thing."

Mia's grin sharpened. "Then again, a surefire shot is to pick out everything against your recepient's aesthetic, and then pretend that it's heartfelt."

"Blacks and purples, throw 'em right in the trash," the stranger chuckled, with another sniff. "Anythin' tasteful, really." This time, they retrieved a small, neatly folded satin blue square from from the pocket of their jacket, brought it to their nose and dabbed neatly to first one long and slightly watery nostril, then the other. A good call, as the latest sniffle had had a distinctly wet pull to it. Mia darted them a thoughtful glance, and tried not to make obvious her slight lean backwards.

"Coming down with something?" She ventured in the politest tone she could manage, then glanced towards the window and the sharp weather beyond. "It's the season for it." And as compelling as this odd person was, she couldn't afford a sick day any time soon.

The stranger picked their head up from the handkerchief with a smile. "Oh, no ma'am. It's all this..." They rolled their eyes back, raised both hands, and waggled their fingers theatrically at the shop surroundings in general. "... life! Doesn't agree with me." 

Mia's mouth hooked wryly to one side. "You're allergic to pollen?"

The stranger's attention came back down, undeterred. "Somethin' like that!" They swept a corner of the handkerchief beneath their nose again, by now beginning to acquire a slight, rosy flush of its own from the attentions. 

Mia smiled. "I won't prolong the misery, then. So... the hot pink? The peonies?"

The stranger flapped a hand. "Yes, yes. Maybe the butterfly weed, too, with the orange. Is that hideous enough?"

Mia barely suppressed a smile, this time. "The tackier the better, right? I've got some green cockscomb I could throw in, too..."

"Lord," the stranger groaned. "That'd be... that'd..." Their sweet, even tone began to waver, as one hand gripped the edge of the counter, and their eyes hazed into something mirrored and distant. Mia had a fair idea of what was coming, but still bit her lip when they abruptly whirled away from the desk and into a crumpling sneeze.

"-- hei'ISSHHH'oo!" 

The sound was more violent than it was loud, sounding scraped-out and desperate enough to fold the stranger like a marionette cut by a couple of its strings. They straightened only long enough for an inhale, one arm hovering towards their face, then crushed into a staggering encore.

"HEI'ESSHHH-oo!" 

"Bless you!" Mia volunteered, chipper, as they straightened back up with a dazed sniffle, but a smile that went nowhere.

"Thank you, honey," the stranger sighed, pressing and holding the handkerchief to the left side of their nose for another moment as they blinked back over the options thus far. "Green cockscomb'd be just about perfect. Make me a god-damned monstrosity, Miss..." Their eyes thinned, chest shuddering, although the shiver of nostrils and jewelry was hidden behind the press of the cloth. "Miss..."

"... --hey'ESSSZSH--oo!" 

Another soaking sneeze was fielded against the cupped palm of their handkerchief, as the stranger bent at the waist like one of the jointed push puppet toys she'd owned as a child.

"Mia," she volunteered, once they'd recovered, even though her nametag said as much. The stranger sniffled deeply, and blinked several times in the universally allergic fashion of an attempt to waylay an itch without rubbing, and making it worse. At least it wasn't catching.

"And bless you again." Much as she was kind of, in an odd way, enjoying the stranger's crippling interruptions in the midst of their forward momentum, she was a bit sympathetic, and had a mind to move this along quickly. "What size of bouquet were you looking for?"

The stranger recovered, sniveling softly, and looking much more pink-limned around the eyes than before. "Oh," they chuckled, in spite of it. "The bigger the better, Miss Mia."

"Our grand displays run about two hundred, but that includes optional extras..."

"Extras," the stranger choked in apparent delight, before sucking the breath back in, expression crinkling, and ducking into their hand. "--hae'ISSSHH'oo! Ugh! Snff! 'scuse me, darlin'. Do tell, about these extras."

"Oh, well," she stammered, as they swiped the handkerchief far too roughly against the underside of their nose, such that she feared the ring jewelry there being pulled straight out.  "Balloons, stuffed animals, chocolates."

The customer flapped a frantic hand, even as their eyes were creased shut and head bent into a deep, itching massage of their nostrils. When a couple of seconds had passed, they sniffed and looked up. "All of it, please. I leave it to your best and most aw-hhh...... awful judgement."  Sniff!

Man. Who the hell was this person, and how rich were they, to be so committed to sending a not-so-subtle fuck you simply to someone who'd wronged them? Mia shook her head, but tapped the appropriate order keys as she assembled a mock-up of some virtual bouquet, for her own reference. 

"Man, my boss is gonna fire my ass if he sees me making this," she chuckled to herself, as she reviewed her options.

The stranger had, by now, composed themselves just enough so that the wink they flashed in her direction ticked something delightful. "It'll be our little secret, if you want it t'be."

"Yeah, sure," Mia smirked as she tapped out the last of her notes. On the tablet screen -- and here she didn't particularly care if the customer saw -- she'd named the project Ronald McDonald Hot Mess. "Alright, and who am I saying this is from?" She hoped the answer wouldn't be some cowardly anonymous, after all this.

Instead, the stranger shook their head, sniffed, and smiled. "Bluebell."

Mia blinked. "Bluebell..." What in the fresh fuck... 

"Just Bluebell."

If her boss had been here, he might have tanned her hide. As it was, she blurted it out before she could stop herself, eyes wide: "Your parents named you Bluebell?"

The whole morning had been patently ridiculous -- from the bridesmaid bouquets she'd slaved over, to this strange customer and their stranger request, to the name that they expected her to slap on all of it. All the same, Mia's hand shot to her mouth, horrified.

Bluebell, meanwhile, seemed fucking delighted. "No!" They laughed, sniffed, and smudged again at their nose. "My parents named me something very different, but that got the axe when I..." To Mia's abrupt shock, they arched one hand up from a blazer sleeve that wasn't a hand at all. Instead, the thin and digits had reduced themselves to nothing but black bone, in some humanoid assembly of claw-like metacarpals. They drew the skeletal hand in a classical gesture across their own throat. "... also got the axe!"

Well, what the fuck.

Mia could have pegged the stranger (Bluebell) with a non-human energy since they'd first materialized into the shop, sure. The hum of magic there was intense. However, they also didn't look dead, in her limited experience. Thin and pale, yes, but with no obvious rot or decay. Just a whole lot of cheerful fervor, as they rocked back on their heels, fingers tucked to pockets, and simpered at the befuddled florist.

A ghost. A wraith. A zombie, a jiangshi, a ghoul, a draugr, a...

Well, it really didn't fucking matter, did it?

She licked her lips, then swallowed. Bluebell's hand had returned to its human (glamoured?) shape as it rested passively on the counter. "And... the delivery address?"

Bluebell smiled. "It's to a..." They blinked, hazy, and smile faltering by reluctant degrees. Mia, patient in spite of her nerves, waited it out, but after a few beats with their head turned and a hand hovering at the ready, Bluebell seemed to lose the impulse and relaxed with a slow, itchy sniffle.

"Mmm! 'Scuse me again." They cleared their throat, hard, then finally gave in to brushing a wrist across their eyes with a mild complaint. "Can't seem t'stop once I start, you understand?" Mia was mute, but nodded slowly as they swallowed, then sighed. "It's for a mister Elias Pasquier, Office 3 C at the Galleria Museum, in Oldtown. That give you enough, s-su-- hei'ISSHSH-shoo! ... sugar?"

Mia processed this. The Galleria was not an insubstantial institute. She'd delivered elaborate and expensive bouquets there before, for lectures, exhibit openings and lofty promotions, but it felt a bit askew that someone so apparently petty as Bluebell would have any connection with any of its curators.  

"Will he... be expecting this?" She ventured, perhaps futilely. Bluebell bit back a laugh.

"Maybe! I'd sure like t'be a fly on the wall when he gets it, if you catch my drift. Now ring me out, darlin', before you need t'put me outta my misery," they groaned softly, refolding the handkerchief and giving their nose a one-handed pinch and rub with it. 

"Hah, right," Mia smiled in spite of herself, and hastily tapped together a few additions to the order until she could come up with a price-tag. "Um, all told it comes to two-hundred-eighteen and..." She didn't bother finishing, as Bluebell produced a slim black credit card from somewhere on their person, and slid it pointedly across the desk. "Aaaand I'll just run this for you."

She snuck a discreet look at the raised print name on the card, as she was swiping it through the machine. She'd half-expected to actually find Bluebell Bluebell in slightly rubbed-off bas relief. Instead, the card apparently belonged to a one Belzariah Petrescu. Mia squinted at it for a second, but had since gotten a hold of her impulsive tongue, and didn't voice aloud her many, tangled questions. Where would she even start? Besides, as fun of a project as this promised to be, she wasn't interested in being the next recepient of a fuck off and stay in your lane bouquet. 

Bluebell or Belzariah or whoever had turned away and gained a step or two from the front desk, to blow their nose into the handkerchief with a thin, fluid sound. Even if it wasn't contagious, Mia was relieved when they swept back around, pocketed the cloth, and stole a pump of the hand sanitizer on her front desk before they made to sign the receipt she pushed across the counter. 

"If you wanna put your phone number or e-mail on there, I can send you a picture of the complete arrangement," Mia started, then blinked when Bluebell produced another card from their personal inventory. This one was printed on matte black textured cardstock, with the print slightly inlaid in a slightly shimmered font. It bore the same name as their credit card, along with a minimal amount of contact details. 

"Honeybee, I'd -- snff! 'Scuse me, I'd love that. Now, you've been real accomodating. You call me if you ever need a favor back, alright?" An index finger tapped firmly to the card in question, before drawing back. Mia blinked at it, and had a thousand follow-up questions about exactly what kind of favors this Belzariah "Bluebell" Petrescu was able to conjure up in return. Instead, she pulled out her own phone case from a back pocket, beneath her apron, and carefully tucked the card inside. It seemed a personal offer, after all.

"Great! I'll have it out by tomorrow afternoon, at the latest."

Bluebell flashed her another wink, which by now she was beginning to suspect as magically charged, for the weird pulse of electric energy it put through her. Monsters...

"Thank you kindly, Miss Mia. I'll see you 'round, alright?" 

"Sure! Take care," she offered, neutral, and watched as the tall, mysterious stranger made it to the door, hesitated before the sliding glass with a great breath, and dipped into one last, enthusiastic sneeze.

"...hae-ESSSZSCH-oo!" 

Then they shook it off, quick as a dog, sniffed, and disappeared out onto the city streets beyond. Mia, who had not yet put away her phone, thumbed the very edge of the card where it stuck out of the case. Favors indeed...
 

[starpollen]

Very nice!

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

GARNET!!!!! I'M FUCKING SCREAMING YO WTH!? THIS IS SO GOOD !!!!

Please allow me to breakdown my favorite parts:

First of all gender neutral bitches represent!!! I love that Bluebell got gender neutral pronouns the whole fic and was never pinned down as M or F, that's #Goals for me and it was fucking awesome to read. Plus your description of their voice!!! God i can picture that tone so clearly!!! And i'm love it

So i was already fucking hooked but can i just say the pace and cleverness with which you include these little details is masterful. The nose ring, the rings on their fingers, the body language, all of it, just fucking slay me with immersiveness why don't you, i love it gosh

your spellings on fucking point as usual, spectacularly impressed with how you matched the spelling to the character's "voice" in this fic in particular 

also god.DAMN! I LOVE THE SLOW BURN TO GET TO THE GOODS. frick it's like a strip tease it really is!! Like you know. You know it's going there but the anticipation just hooo...... it! turns!! up!!!

by the time i got to my first favorite part: 

6 hours ago, Garblin said:

"Bless you!" Mia volunteered, chipper, as they straightened back up with a dazed sniffle, but a smile that went nowhere.

"Thank you, honey," the stranger sighed, 

I literally slapped. my own. face.  alskdjdhs 

LOVE how much Bluebell is enjoying this whole plan of theirs as well, that enthusiasm and glee is so goddamn FUCKing endearing

When i got to the part where it says who the magnificent, HORRIBLE, gaudy arrangement is for... i damn near yelled out loud!!!!! 

Elias!?!?!??!? Elias what did you do to piss them off like that!!! 😂😂😂😂 

"I'd like to be a fly on the wall..." DAMN ME TOO!!

God!!! in summation i FUCKING LOVE Bluebell and i caaa~aaanot fucking wait to see them if/when u do draw them, i am upsessed, thank u that is all

[rockbell]

im in love! 

[Snapdragon]

Oh man, this is quality. A lich being allergic to living things (??) is a delightful idea, and Bluebell is such an appealing character - their androgynous looks and snarky dialogue got me like  And those SNEEZES, DAMN.

[AngelEyes]

This is fantastic! I love Bluebell's sheer delight at the pettiness of the situation. Makes me want to know more!

[meepsy]

Ahhhhhhhh you wrote Bluebeeeeeelll! I am so glad  So sassy and unapologetically petty -- with this and daybird shenanigans going on, i kind of feel bad for Elias lol!!! ALSO: gooood descriptions, i love the hair especially, and the septum piercing  And also also! I really love Mia as well??? Flower shop clerk knows how to roll with the craziest of 'em, haha!!! She is v good and i want more of her also!!!!

Lemme pick out a few of my fav lines, because your writing is too good not to 

21 hours ago, Garblin said:

"Okay. What's... what's the occasion?"

The stranger's dark eyes lidded slightly. In contrast to their deeply saturated hair and pale, nearly-pasty skin, they were black, black, black as the abyss. 

"Oh, gloating, definitely."

omg i lol'd at work at this! Laying their cards on the table at least!! I love that this is how we are introduced to them, and I also love how Mia is maybe a bit more on board with it than she should be.

21 hours ago, Garblin said:

Mia laughed, and turned the tablet to face them on the countertop. "Well, there's plenty of flowers that symbolized insulting things, in Victorian times. Petunias and butterfly weed meant resentment," she began, tapping through a few options for their selection. "Peonies can mean anger..." 

haha! I like that she is so knowledgeable but also feeding into their antics! A conspirator at heart!!

21 hours ago, Garblin said:

"Lord," the stranger groaned. "That'd be... that'd..." Their sweet, even tone began to waver, as one hand gripped the edge of the counter, and their eyes hazed into something mirrored and distant. Mia had a fair idea of what was coming, but still bit her lip when they abruptly whirled away from the desk and into a crumpling sneeze.

"-- hei'ISSHHH'oo!" 

Oh wow, yep, that is good O__O Did i mention that i am into the southern drawl and syrupy voice very much also?? Esp when twisted into breathy hitches like this >u> Good good stuff, keep it coming plzzz.

21 hours ago, Garblin said:

Bluebell, meanwhile, seemed fucking delighted. "No!" They laughed, sniffed, and smudged again at their nose. "My parents named me something very different, but that got the axe when I..." To Mia's abrupt shock, they arched one hand up from a blazer sleeve that wasn't a hand at all. Instead, the thin and digits had reduced themselves to nothing but black bone, in some humanoid assembly of claw-like metacarpals. They drew the skeletal hand in a classical gesture across their own throat. "... also got the axe!"

Ahh, i love this <33 Good segue to confirm weird vibes as weird, undead lich vibes, in fact. I love black skeleton hand, and the delight they take in revealing it 

21 hours ago, Garblin said:

"Honeybee, I'd -- snff! 'Scuse me, I'd love that. Now, you've been real accomodating. You call me if you ever need a favor back, alright?" An index finger tapped firmly to the card in question, before drawing back. Mia blinked at it, and had a thousand follow-up questions about exactly what kind of favors this Belzariah "Bluebell" Petrescu was able to conjure up in return. Instead, she pulled out her own phone case from a back pocket, beneath her apron, and carefully tucked the card inside. It seemed a personal offer, after all.

I love this very much, and this makes me want more Mia also!! Red flag seen and acknowledged, but still considering! Though to be fair I also am very curious about what sorts of favors Bluebell could bestow... (this might or might not be a not so subtle request for you to write more with these two, wink wink ;D)

To sum up, this was lovely -- your writing and characters are so lively and make me fall in love every time. Bluebell is great and hot in the best unsettling way, lich with a life flower allergy is um... real goood also, and Mia is a wonderful balance between cautious and devious. I am very much into this (and all your characters, tbh, but u knew that >u>)

 

[RiversD]

Garnet! Garnet Garnet Garnet Garnet Garnettttt........... You Absolute Marvel.

I need to write this now otherwise the mountain of things I could say is gonna overshadow my ability to say any of them.

You know I liked this. Allow me to point out some of the reasons why:

You put me in Mia's shoes so firmly I've still got post-immersion brain-reel. Also, I like her style. And empathizing with Miss POV didn't half make the rest that little bit more vivid...

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

Tall, but not towering, with a bone structure that was both chiseled, jaw-firm and strong in the cheeks,  yet held enough fragility to suggest a shift in either direction, or else none at all. The presence of heavy, dark lashes, a svelte physique, and plush lips could have gone in either direction. Their cleanly hemmed, neutral business casual suit of a lazy, geometric blazer, patterned blouse and slacks was equally untelling. Even their hairstyle was worn purposefully ambiguous -- shaved on the sides, with the rest gathered into an exceedingly long, thick ponytail that been dyed a rich navy blue.

well hel-lo. Where have you been all my life?

Side note- I'm so jealous of both your physical descriptions and your ability to insert them into a story without it feeling clunky or dull that I'm practically vibrating.

That goes for all the other little notes on appearance and voice that slide in between bits of dialogue, too. I see those.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

Sniffed once, maybe for emphasis. 

Mhmmm?? Gah, it's unfair how easily I'm hooked.

On 1/16/2018 at 2:22 PM, Quing Nerd said:

it's like a strip tease it really is!! Like you know. You know it's going there but the anticipation just hooo...... it! turns!! up!!!

^Like Q said^ I'm hanging on their every sniff word.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Oh, gloating, definitely."

Oh, I like you.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

They sniffed again, swept a long finger in a firm back-and-forth beneath their septum. Belatedly, she noticed a tiny, black steel hoop pierced right through it, cabochon'd with a little blue gem.

hhhh. Just had to pause here, because hooo, that's... that's something, huh? Heckuva mental image to go home with. And I will. Ooohh man...

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

The broad smile they rewarded her with felt like a fizzy little high in her chest.

Oh boy, have I been there, Mia. I love their banter all the way through this, by the way, quoted and otherwise.

Ahnnn, all the stuff around their nose and its problems and their causes.... all of itttt...

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

Mia smiled. "I won't prolong the misery, then. So... the hot pink? The peonies?"

The stranger flapped a hand. "Yes, yes. Maybe the butterfly weed, too, with the orange. Is that hideous enough?"

Mia barely suppressed a smile, this time. "The tackier the better, right? I've got some green cockscomb I could throw in, too..."

"Lord," the stranger groaned. "That'd be... that'd..."

ahhh, you're killing me. I'm so engaged and amused by the conversation they're having, and then you peak the sneeze-anticipation at the perfect time, and I implode. Whoosh, gone, leaving behind an empty shell to type my gratitude. Gosh, you're good.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

Make me a god-damned monstrosity, Miss...

Perfect.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

Their eyes thinned, chest shuddering, although the shiver of nostrils and jewelry was hidden behind the press of the cloth.

HNNNNGHHHHhhhnnn... have mercy....

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

universally allergic fashion

noice

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

sniveling softly, and looking much more pink-limned around the eyes than before.

*thumbs up emoji*

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Extras," the stranger choked in apparent delight

I love them. I think it says something about how much you've made me feel like I (kinda) know them up to this point that I read this line and 50% of my brain went "yessssss", while the other half burst out laughing. It's a beautiful moment and I shall treasure it.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

head bent into a deep, itching massage of their nostrils

ohhhhh... oh nooo....ohhh... *incoherent noises continue off-screen*

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

"All of it, please. I leave it to your best and most aw-hhh...... awful judgement."

Another excellent line. I also love her being impressed by their commitment to this gesture, and also imagining how much money you must have for this not to hurt.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Your parents named you Bluebell?"

I might love Mia a little bit as well. I like the fit of her shoes, if you know what I mean?

Niiiiiiiice glamour/reality reveal, by the way. Beautifully done.

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Will he... be expecting this?" She ventured, perhaps futilely. Bluebell bit back a laugh.

"Maybe! I'd sure like t'be a fly on the wall when he gets it, if you catch my drift.

oh, wouldn't we all, Bluebell. Wouldn't we all... (this whole situation is gold and I love it)

I bet that promised photograph will give them no end of pleasure...

I love that despite the allergic reaction, they're still committed to politeness- see for example, hand sanitiser (I also really like how you show us little details like that that just make the character breathe live seem real)

On 1/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Sure! Take care," she offered, neutral, and watched as the tall, mysterious stranger made it to the door, hesitated before the sliding glass with a great breath, and dipped into one last, enthusiastic sneeze.

"...hae-ESSSZSCH-oo!" 

Then they shook it off, quick as a dog, sniffed, and disappeared out onto the city streets beyond

What an exit! I might need to have a little sit down...

You have made me very, very happy, Gar. I know I haven't said half the things that have crossed my mind since first reading this, but hopefully this sample gives you some idea!!! Love love.

[Akahana]

AH~ I knew I recognized the writing style!!  This is super intriguing, if you ever expanded this story I'd be along for the ride.  Both of the characters are quirky and somewhat off in a likable way, and the sprinkle of the supernatural was a nice touch

[March Hare]

First of all: that title is a gem in itself. "Passive Agressive Floral Death Threats" goes on my List of Perfect Band Names.

On 1/16/2018 at 8:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Okay. What's... what's the occasion?"

The stranger's dark eyes lidded slightly. In contrast to their deeply saturated hair and pale, nearly-pasty skin, they were black, black, black as the abyss. 

"Oh, gloating, definitely."

YAAAAAAAAAAA.

On 1/16/2018 at 8:38 AM, Garblin said:

"--hae'ISSSHH'oo! Ugh! Snff! 'scuse me, darlin'.

GLORIOUS SPELLING RAWR.

On 1/16/2018 at 8:38 AM, Garblin said:

On the tablet screen -- and here she didn't particularly care if the customer saw -- she'd named the project Ronald McDonald Hot Mess.

WOMAN, I'm laughing out loud here. This shizz is ten times better than Kazuya Minekura's.

On 1/16/2018 at 8:38 AM, Garblin said:

Bluebell, meanwhile, seemed fucking delighted. "No!" They laughed, sniffed, and smudged again at their nose. "My parents named me something very different, but that got the axe when I..." To Mia's abrupt shock, they arched one hand up from a blazer sleeve that wasn't a hand at all. Instead, the thin and digits had reduced themselves to nothing but black bone, in some humanoid assembly of claw-like metacarpals. They drew the skeletal hand in a classical gesture across their own throat. "... also got the axe!"

OK, now I'm thinking you've been Stephen King's top-secret fetish alter ego all along.

On 1/16/2018 at 8:38 AM, Garblin said:

"Mmm! 'Scuse me again." They cleared their throat, hard, then finally gave in to brushing a wrist across their eyes with a mild complaint. "Can't seem t'stop once I start, you understand?" Mia was mute, but nodded slowly as they swallowed, then sighed. "It's for a mister Elias Pasquier, Office 3 C at the Galleria Museum, in Oldtown. That give you enough, s-su-- hei'ISSHSH-shoo! ... sugar?"

GRSJFKNDGLMBRDRZFKGL.

On 1/16/2018 at 8:38 AM, Garblin said:

and dipped into one last, enthusiastic sneeze.

"...hae-ESSSZSCH-oo!" 

ENTHUSIASTIC?!

OH GODS. I LOOOOVE IT. And I thought I'd seen all the adjectives. But it's YOU. OF COURSE we'll never have seen all the adjectives.

So. Much. YES. Thank you. Thank you everything.