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Just something short about my two favourite idiots.


“You didn’t take a raincoat with you?” Alena asks, when Mahin comes in dripping wet, her clothes and hair clinging to her skin and water pooling beneath her. “Didn’t you look at the forecast this morning?”

Mahin scowls, the way she always does when she’s demonstrably in the wrong. “Get me some towels before I ruin the rug,” she says snippily.

Alena is too used to Mahin’s defensiveness to be at all bothered by it. She fetches a towel, wiping the rain off Mahin’s face and scrubbing her hair. Mahin sighs a little at the contact, like a cat being scratched. “Take off your wet clothes,” Alena tells her. “You’re going to catch your death of cold.”

Mahin lets out an impatient huff and takes the towel from Alena. “You can’t actually catch a cold from the rain. It’s just an old wives’ tale. Colds are caused by exposure to viruses.”

“Mmm.” Mahin ignores Alena’s noncommittal reply, and begins stripping off her clothing despite her stated objections to Alena’s logic. After all, take off your clothes has never been a suggestion that Mahin has particularly wanted to ignore from Alena.

The next day, Alena arrives home from work to the sound of thick sniffling. She enters the living room to find Mahin on the couch in a small pile of used tissues, Kleenex box balanced on her lap, her nose pink and damp.

Alena crosses the room to her, surprised that Mahin didn’t hear her the instant she opened the door. She normally notices every unexpected creak of a floorboard. She wonders if Mahin is so stuffed up that her ears are clogged. She taps Mahin on the shoulder, and Mahin startles, looking up.

“Oh, hello Alenda,” she says, and her voice is enough to answer Alena’s question. She sniffles and rubs a finger under her nose irritably.

“How are you feeling today?” Alena asks.

“I—hihgTTCHUh!” Mahin’s hand flies up to catch the sneeze. Grimacing at the snot dripping from her fingers, she plucks a tissue from the box in her lap and blows her nose vigorously. “I’mb a bit under the weather, actually,” she admits, as though it wasn’t obvious.

“Well, I won’t say I told you so.”

“This,” Mahin gestures at her pink, dripping nose and watery eyes, “Is a coindcidendce. I would have caught cold regardless of whether or ndot I had gottend caught ind the raind. HihHTCHIIH!” She catches the desperate-sounding sneeze in a tissue and blinks dazedly, rubbing her nose through the soft paper.

“If you say so.”

Mahin scowls up at her, the effect ruined by a liquid-sounding sniffle. “Dond’t give mbe that attitude. It’s the—the truth—hihhetCHHUhh! ItCHUHh! G’TSCHUUUHH!” Her small fit soaks through the tissue pressed hard to her nose, and afterwards she breaks into worryingly congested-sounding coughs. Alena rubs Mahin’s back, feeling the smaller woman relax slightly at the touch.

“I’mb goindg to get sombe cold mbedicinde,” Mahin announces, pushing herself up from the couch. “This is goindg to be deeply unpleasant, I cand just tell.”

Alena is in front of her brandishing a raincoat before she can even reach the door. Mahin raises an eyebrow.

“Alenda, it’s barely drizzlindg. I’ll just take and umbrella.”

Alena pushes the raincoat at Mahin. “You’re going to give yourself pneumonia.”

As if to prove her right, Mahin’s fist goes to her mouth, covering another round of chesty, phlegmatic coughs. “Well, if it will mbake you feel better,” she says, taking the coat from Alena, and Alena counts that as a victory.

The raincoat is Alena’s, and it is much, much too big for Mahin. Alena pulls back the hood to reveal two glaring green eyes, and Alena can’t help but smile.

“You’re cute,” she says, kissing Mahin chastely on the lips, and when she pulls back Mahin’s mouth has quirked into a smile as well.

“So you have and ulterior mbotive for mbakindg mbe wear this.” She snuffles and scrubs hard at her nose, a dazed, deeply sneezy look entering her eyes.

“Maybe.” Alena pulls Mahin closer by the waist, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket and folding it gently over Mahin’s twitching nostrils.

“IhGTCHUUhh! Ih-ihkSHHUHh! AHK’SHUUhh! Hih-ITCHUUH! ATCHUUUHhh!” The sneezes throw her forward toward Alena. Alena presses the handkerchief over Mahin’s mouth as Mahin coughs hard into it, eyes watering. When she manages to swallow down the last coughs she looks tired and depleted. She takes the handkerchief from Alena and blows her nose with a long gurgle. “Ugh. Doesn’t it bother you to get my snot all over your hands?”

“No,” Alena says honestly. “I don’t mind when it’s you. I like taking care of you.”

Mahin’s eyes widen, and she laughs. “You,” she says, and Alena can hear hoarseness creeping into her voice, “Are also cute. And it’s a good thindg too. I dond’t kndow how I’d put up with you otherwise.”

“Are you implying you only like me for my looks?” Alena teases.

“Perils of beindg gorgeous, I’mb afraid.” Mahin presses a kiss to Alena’s jaw, and Alena feels a blush spread up her cheeks. She can’t believe Mahin can still make her go weak-kneed like this after having known each other for so many years.

“You know, my coat is too big,” she says. “Maybe you better just wait here with me until the rain stops.”

“That just mbight be a good idea,” Mahin says, kissing her again, but within seconds she has to turn to the side, sneezing wetly into the air. She sighs, wiping her nose with her hand. “You’re goindg to catch this if I do, though.”

“I won’t.”

Mahin pauses, looking incredulous. “I have a highly condtagious upper respiratory infectiond. Mby saliva is teembindg with viruses, which will be aerosolized as soond as I cough or sneeze, which, I have ndo doubt, is goindg to be happendindg frequendtly. Of course I’mb goindg to give it to you if we kiss.”

“If you say so.”

“I—hihTSHIIH! I do say so.” Mahin snuffles, and Alena kisses her nose softly, prompting Mahin to sneeze again.

“Prove it to me, then.”

Mahin’s lips crash against Alena’s, her tongue slipping into Alena’s mouth, and Alena can’t help but feel that no matter who’s right in the argument, they’ve both won this one.

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