Asexual? Sneezesexual? What am I?

[spirkestielgirl87]

So I've never posted anything but fanfic and obs before so not sure if this is in the right place (If not so sorry and please feel free to move it) but I was wondering if anyone could relate. For the longest time I've considered myself bisexual because I don't really have a gender preference. But..I'm starting to think I might actually be ace. I am only physically aroused by sneezing/sickness/caretaking. That's all I think about when I'm being "stimulated" (trying to keep this PG lol) by myself or others. It's like it's a purely physical need that is connected to the fetish and not connected to actual people or relationships. I don't find genitals or bodies arousing in any way and honestly find being "with" someone  boring and inefficient (like I would rather just do it myself while thinking about fetishy stuff). I do experience romantic attraction like I want to kiss/cuddle, but have no desire to do more with another person. Can anyone else relate? Does this sound like asexuality, or is that just how it is for everyone with a strong fetish?

[Asexy]

The most reliable way for you to find your sexuality is to explore, but I find that more conservative sexualities can be identified just by searching what can physically satisfy you.

In my opinion, your sexuality can be determined by your desire for oral, anal, or vaginal sex by the people you see. If you won't care to have sex with people, you are asexual.

Asexuals can have libidos (a desire to masturbate, or have sex), but what determines a persons sexuality is when you decide you want to use some part of another gender (or person's) body for your own sexual pleasure, and many asexuals can experience romantic attraction too, but I'm just not one of them.

I'm an aromatic asexual with a sneeze/nose blowing fetish, and all it means is that I have little to no desire for romance or sex. All you have to do is think about whether or not you want sex (physical pleasure) as much as romance (emotional stimulus) and you'll find your sexual orientation.

[spirkestielgirl87]

Thank you that was really helpful! I am really starting to think asexual does describe me, and maybe biromantic. I never even considered that I could be ace for a long time because it seemed contradictory for aces to have fetishes. But the way you explain it makes perfect sense! 

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Lots of aces have fetishes! Asexuality is (generally; it's a spectrum) defined as not being sexually attracted to other people. It can be a little complicated in our case, since what we're attracted to (sneezes, etc.) by its nature requires other people, but most ace (and fetish!) folks will say that anything connected to a specific fetish doesn't really count, because you're attracted to the thing rather than the person. 

Hope that helped! 

[spirkestielgirl87]

Yes it does help! It's been so helpful to hear from ace people with the fetish. I have tried exploring ace communities recently, but always felt like an outsider because of my fetish and it made me doubt if ace was an accurate label for me. I think it definitely helps thinking of it as a spectrum. There have been a few instances in my life where I've felt sexual attraction, but it's very rare. And it's usuaslly for celebrities or fictional characters rather than actual real life people (not sure how that fits into the equation lol) but Im getting closer to being able to sort through all my thoughts/feelings and give names to things which feels good. So thank you!

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

7 hours ago, spirkestielgirl87 said:

it's usuaslly for celebrities or fictional characters rather than actual real life people (not sure how that fits into the equation lol)

That's not at all uncommon. For myself, I can find people "hot", but that's as far as it goes; my fantasies (such as they are) are exactly as you said: nearly always about fictional characters, or at least celebrities I've never met. 

Also (and I do not in ANY way mean to imply that this wasn't an EXCELLENT topic, because it was and is!), if you do a Forum search for...hmm, maybe try "sexuality" or something similar? Anyway, if you search for that, I believe there's at least one topic of members discussing their own sexuality, I think in enough detail that you might find some helpful info there about the ace spectrum and where fetishes fall into it.

[bloom]

15 hours ago, Asexy said:

more conservative sexualities

What in the world does this mean? That asexuality is somehow more progressive that being gay or whatever? That's... laughable, to say the least. As for the rest of your... interesting post, I would maybe take a minute to realize that peoples' sense of sexuality is incredibly varied and significantly more nuanced than your post lays out, and that perhaps, as someone who admittedly does not ever experience sexual attraction, that you are not in a position of authority so as to define it for people who do experience it, because a lot of your post is just flat-out wrong. Just some food for thought.

As for the OP, having a fetish and not feeling sexual desire for people in other capacities is basically normal. You can still identify as bi if you feel attracted to men and women in other ways, if you want to. 

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

1 hour ago, Junia said:

You can still identify as bi if you feel attracted to men and women in other ways, if you want to. 

Yes, this! Absolutely! I should have mentioned that: that (aside from the fact that you can and should identify however you damn well please) you can absolutely identify as both bi and ace if you feel that both of those orientations describe you somehow. I generally describe myself as a panromantic bi-attracted autochorissexual, or a "bi/pan ace...yes, it is possible!"

[PuddinPop]

I identify myself as asexual, because I have no desire to be intimate in any way with another person. This doesn't mean, however, that I don't have a libido. I do, but I only find aspects relating to this fetish arousing. I find no attraction at all to 'conventional' sex (I use quotations as the conventionality of sex differs from person to person) and would much prefer not to engage in any form of intimacy with anyone else. Even on the VERY rare times that I do (I have a partner I am engaged to and it's been almost 2 years since we were intimate) I have to think about the fetish in one way or another to.. finish, so to speak. 

This is completely straying a little, but I always find it curious when people think that being asexual is an actual sexuality; it isn't. It's a contributing factor, for sure, but not an actual sexuality. You can be a gay asexual, a queer asexual, a heterosexual asexual, a bisexual asexual... etc. Sexuality isn't defined on whether you want to have sexual relations with others or not, but I have seen these terms be confused in the past. 

As for the OP, to me is sounds like you could possibly be on the asexual spectrum. I'm personally a queer asexual, as I am attracted to all and any gender; men, women, NB, trans, etc. For me, it's because I have no attraction or desire about genitals, because I have zero interest in any form of intercourse. Genitals don't define who I can and do fall in love with. I fall in love with the person, not what gender they were assigned at birth or what gender they identify as now. But I do know there are asexuals who have absolutely no libido, and some who have average and above-average libidos. Some aces have sex, some don't. I don't think there's a quantifiable measurement that defines 'this is ace but this isn't'. 

This post got a little rambly and I'm not sure how much sense it made or how much it actually helped I guess OP, just take comfort in knowing you're not the only one who feels the way you do. There are many of us. 

[Kaze Wo Hiku]

33 minutes ago, MyOwnPrivateSFC said:

Yes, this! Absolutely! I should have mentioned that: that (aside from the fact that you can and should identify however you damn well please) you can absolutely identify as both bi and ace if you feel that both of those orientations describe you somehow. I generally describe myself as a panromantic bi-attracted autochorissexual, or a "bi/pan ace...yes, it is possible!"

Yep that's what I am. Though really I am attracted to all genders but I don't feel fully pan yet. I dont like sex but I have a libido only every activated from this fetish.  I agree with Puds, sounds like you're in the ace spectrum which is pretty darn broad as well.  But yes you're not the only one who feels that way.

[Asexy]

1 hour ago, Junia said:

What in the world does this mean? That asexuality is somehow more progressive that being gay or whatever? That's... laughable, to say the least. As for the rest of your... interesting post, I would maybe take a minute to realize that peoples' sense of sexuality is incredibly varied and significantly more nuanced than your post lays out, and that perhaps, as someone who admittedly does not ever experience sexual attraction, that you are not in a position of authority so as to define it for people who do experience it, because a lot of your post is just flat-out wrong. Just some food for thought.

As for the OP, having a fetish and not feeling sexual desire for people in other capacities is basically normal. You can still identify as bi if you feel attracted to men and women in other ways, if you want to. 

That's exactly why I decided to explain it myself this time.. sexuality isn't a broad spectrum depending on where someone falls. I went ahead and described conservative sexualities as anyone who is gay, straight, or a sex repulsed asexual by their curiosity and willingness to accept sexual advanced of the same sex, or the opposite sex. The less fluid they are, the more conservative I described, since many straight men and women won't dare to have do anything sexual with anyone unless they're the opposite sex.

No disrespect to gay's or bisexuals, I went ahead and used it myself for the three forms of sex and the four simplified orientations. Homo/Asexuality have separated spectrums, and you won't be able to gauge them on the same one.. I only see that fluid sexuality exists within all four depending on how willing you are to accept an advance from someone outside.

It's kinda like a dude I know, who is exclusively heterosexual, who will aggressively push away any gay dudes hitting on him, rather than someone who couldn't care less. 

Again, no disrespect, but in order for someone to find theirs, they'll have to experiment with what satisfies them and where they want it from. If that desire for sexual satisfaction doesn't exist from another person's body, that's what asexuality is. I find that many asexuals can still feel straight without actually caring for sex.

 

[skater]

I generally don't like labeling my sexuality but it certainly is not conventional, if that makes you feel better  the only way I can enjoy "doing more" with another (usually male) person is to fantasize about sneezing females. pretty weird

[PetalPunk]

21 hours ago, spirkestielgirl87 said:

So I've never posted anything but fanfic and obs before so not sure if this is in the right place (If not so sorry and please feel free to move it) but I was wondering if anyone could relate. For the longest time I've considered myself bisexual because I don't really have a gender preference. But..I'm starting to think I might actually be ace. I am only physically aroused by sneezing/sickness/caretaking. That's all I think about when I'm being "stimulated" (trying to keep this PG lol) by myself or others. It's like it's a purely physical need that is connected to the fetish and not connected to actual people or relationships. I don't find genitals or bodies arousing in any way and honestly find being "with" someone  boring and inefficient (like I would rather just do it myself while thinking about fetishy stuff). I do experience romantic attraction like I want to kiss/cuddle, but have no desire to do more with another person. Can anyone else relate? Does this sound like asexuality, or is that just how it is for everyone with a strong fetish?

I relate heavily to what you've explained and I'd be happy to explain/talk/explore/whatever through DM if you'd like to talk 1:1
Just know what sexuality is infinite and labeling yourself can feel refreshing--in that there is a name for what you're experiencing--but also limiting because it IS a label. Sexuality is fluid and will always be fluid. Whatever you feel is valid. Yes, asexuality is in itself a spectrum, and you might pin a few accurate descriptions about aces, and you might ping a few about bi people. I identify as biromantic, but honestly, I care more about the fetish than I do about desiring sex with the fetish incorporated somehow. I fall on the fluff/caretaking side of things and get stimulated on my own and would rather do that than with someone if you catch my drift. 
I find that I like a physical and romantic relationship with anyone I can establish an emotional connection with, but rarely have I experienced sexual desire in any case. That's a pretty baseline description of being ace, as far as my opinion and experiences go, but the bisexual stance comes from wanting to be with someone whom I have an emotional connection--male/female--doesn't matter. Don't really care about your genitals, what I care about is if you're a good person. 

[Medowsweet]

On 1/29/2018 at 10:42 PM, spirkestielgirl87 said:

 And it's usuaslly for celebrities or fictional characters rather than actual real life people 

Man!  This is me!  Except not celebrities, because they are too "real"?  "Human"?  Only characters.

[Snz.]

On 1/29/2018 at 11:40 PM, spirkestielgirl87 said:

So I've never posted anything but fanfic and obs before so not sure if this is in the right place (If not so sorry and please feel free to move it) but I was wondering if anyone could relate. For the longest time I've considered myself bisexual because I don't really have a gender preference. But..I'm starting to think I might actually be ace. I am only physically aroused by sneezing/sickness/caretaking. That's all I think about when I'm being "stimulated" (trying to keep this PG lol) by myself or others. It's like it's a purely physical need that is connected to the fetish and not connected to actual people or relationships. I don't find genitals or bodies arousing in any way and honestly find being "with" someone  boring and inefficient (like I would rather just do it myself while thinking about fetishy stuff). I do experience romantic attraction like I want to kiss/cuddle, but have no desire to do more with another person. Can anyone else relate? Does this sound like asexuality, or is that just how it is for everyone with a strong fetish?

Esentially this, in a nutshell. 

[XOsneezy]

I’ve struggled with my lack of sex drive for a long time. By sex drive I mean my desire to engage in sex with another person - my libido, however, for the fetish, is pretty average or above average. I really only get off to anything sneeze related, and usually on my own. I recently discovered the term ‘asexual’ and it freaked me out because I didn’t want to be ‘abnormal.’ It still does freak me out. I wish I was like others. I am in a very happy relationship with a man who I am very attracted to, but only sometimes do I actually want to have sex. It’s weird. I can’t say I’m fully asexual, because I do experience a want for sex sometimes. I’d say I’m somewhere on the spectrum; I’ve been using the term graysexual for myself. But I try not to label, because it makes things so black and white and I tend to beat myself up for it. Instead, I try to be kind to myself and allow my psyche / body to want what it wants when it wants it.

I think, personally, it takes the pressure off of yourself if you remember that there doesn’t need to be a hard label if you don’t want there to be, or if it makes you feel bad about yourself in any way. Coming to terms and peace with being on the asexual scale is still something I have not done with myself, so if you are still in a position where you don’t know or aren’t ready to accept what you do know, that’s perfectly fine. This fetish can make things feel complicated sometimes, but just know you’re not alone in it.  

[King Mob]

I'm coming to term with being on the ace spectrum myself. Intercourse has always been off-putting to me, and I've never been a big fan of genitals. I do have a decent libido, and can get aroused without the fetish being involved, but in general have no desire for intercourse. My recommendation is this: explore, be honest with yourself and others, and don't be afraid to change the label if at any point it no longer seems to fit.

[insertwittyusernamehere]

Hi there,

I identify as an asexual (well, on the spectrum, so grey) and I have a sneeze fetish. I don't believe I have really felt sexual attraction  (at least how I understand it), except on certain recreational drugs (which I've now had to give up). I have a very low libido. I don't masturbate as I rarely get any urge to and don't enjoy it. But sneezing is pretty much the only thing that will physically arouse me (short of prolonged simulation down there). So whenever I want to have sex with my boyfriend, I get him to sneeze a lot first. I still have sex because it is definitely something my boyfriend enjoys, and I'm usually neutral towards it.

[sneffnie]

On 1/30/2018 at 4:40 AM, spirkestielgirl87 said:

So I've never posted anything but fanfic and obs before so not sure if this is in the right place (If not so sorry and please feel free to move it) but I was wondering if anyone could relate. For the longest time I've considered myself bisexual because I don't really have a gender preference. But..I'm starting to think I might actually be ace. I am only physically aroused by sneezing/sickness/caretaking. That's all I think about when I'm being "stimulated" (trying to keep this PG lol) by myself or others. It's like it's a purely physical need that is connected to the fetish and not connected to actual people or relationships. I don't find genitals or bodies arousing in any way and honestly find being "with" someone  boring and inefficient (like I would rather just do it myself while thinking about fetishy stuff). I do experience romantic attraction like I want to kiss/cuddle, but have no desire to do more with another person. Can anyone else relate? Does this sound like asexuality, or is that just how it is for everyone with a strong fetish?

a label is only a label. its that simple hienz beans and asda own beans ... well they are still only beans

dont be so hard on yourself you dont need to explain or compimise yourself ever and dont. It doesnt matter if the majority dont get you a small percentage will better still that person will the person to whom which it all matters too even if people dont full on get you you will find some will try to get you to understand you believe me they are the type of people you want in your life if they go out of their way to try and understand you and no pinalise you for something that you are not in example god forbid normal  - thats fantastic

personally it took me along time to get over being embarased and ashamed of my dirty/distgusting habit of looking out for people with colds and doubling back to see the sneezer do that small wettish sniff after the sneeze and trying my best not to be highly aroused. then to decide hell with it i will be full out on scene daring sexy puh-lease  anything but and more lables to shake a stick at and i was proud 

all the labels to which should i choose  the possibilities are never ending 

bi-sexual, fluid bodily, nuturing ... naturist, princess, babydoll, fetishist, exploring...

the list could go on and will always go on 

but i realised one simple thing i wasnt proud of the titles or names i was proud cos i was being honest with myself which is the the most important thing 

you are you - no ones else thats the best label you can ever have 

im gonna bow my head and sign out now

Sneff

xx  

[Sawyer]

I've already talked about this quite a bit in some other threads, but I thought I'd weigh in as somebody who used to identify as asexual and does not anymore. I'm not turned on by anything other than sneezing, and most of the time I couldn't care less about sex/genitalia beyond thinking that it's cute and cool -- it's not arousing to me. 

Even though I'm not super interested in sex, I'm able to get turned on easily, even if it is by sneezing. The presence of arousal at all is what confirms to me that I'm not asexual. It's not about wanting sex, it's about the experience of arousal and having a sexuality at all. I could probably go my entire life without having intercourse and be alright with it, but seeing the appeal of being able to satisfy my sexual desires through intimacy with another person -- whether it's while they're sneezing or simply while I'm thinking about sneezing during intercourse or whatever -- is what stops me from identifying as asexual, since in the end, I am sexually attracted to people (especially when they are sneezing).

Sexuality is pretty personal, so it's up to you how you choose to identify! There is a big community that includes those who fall more into the grey area, and it's interesting to see people choosing different labels for similar experiences and what draws us to certain words and identifiers.