Queer Eye - "#QESickTips" (Fab Five, m)

[angora48]

I love the new version of Queer Eye on Netflix, and I couldn't resist writing some fluffy sickfic with the Fab Five.  Since they're real people, I suppose this would fall under RPFiction, but the fic is still within the context of Queer Eye itself, written like a special minisode they released on YouTube or something.

Here are our "characters" (from left to right:  Jonathan, Karamo, Tan, Bobby, and Antoni)

I always like to have a fic completed before I start posting (so I don't get distracted halfway through and leave people hanging!), so I should be able to update regularly.  Hope you like it - here's Part 1!

 

 

LOFT

At the Fab Five loft in Atlanta, the morning saw a lot of tired-eyed bustling in the kitchen. Antoni gave an enormous yawn as he buttered toast, trying to bring a little order to things. “Karabbo, cad you get the orange juice out?” he asked, his voice low and stuffy.

Karamo stifled a cough into his shoulder and opened the door to the fridge. Meanwhile, Tan plunked himself down at the bar beside Bobby, wiping his nose with a tissue.

TALKING HEAD, TAN

Tan’s usually-coiffed hair was disheveled; he was wearing a brown zip-up hoodie over his lilac T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. “All right, bit of a hiccup,” he explained to the camera. “We were supposed to be beeting our dew hero this week, but we’ve had to give hib a raidcheck because all five of us have caught pretty bad colds.”

LOFT

Antoni shooed Bobby away from swiping a piece of toast. “Dot ‘til I’be done,” he insisted. He turned away from the food, clearing his throat.

TALKING HEAD, JONATHAN

Jonathan wore a long charcoal-colored sweater – loose-fitting, a tiny bit Flashdance – and black sweats. His long brown hair was tied back in a messy knot. “It’s like, ‘You’re ready to chadge your life, yaaas!’” he exclaimed, giving the illusion of energy despite his slightly-drooping eyes. “‘Let’s sedd five sdotty besses idto your house to touch everythig you owd!’” He gave the camera a serious “bitch please” face.

LOFT

As Karamo poured orange juice into five tall glasses, Jonathan wandered into the kitchen sniffling. “There she is,” Tan remarked. He sniffed, wriggling his nose.

“Bordig,” Jonathan said, his voice crackly. He came to rest his head on Karamo’s shoulder with a mild pout.

TALKING HEAD, KARAMO

Karamo had on a fitted long-sleeved black shirt that he’d topped with a knitted scarf, along with a pair of pajama bottoms. “Sidce w-” Karamo frowned, holding up a finger to the camera. “Excuse be…” His eyelids fluttered shut. “Hehhhhh… SHOOOOO!” he sneezed into the crook of his shoulder. “Sorry,” he said, smiling sheepishly off-camera. “Should we go agaid?”

In a new shot, Karamo resumed, “Sidce we can’t do our usual bakeover this week, we decided to bake a little bidisode for you here at the loft. Y’all know our QE Hip Tips?” He paused, clearing his throat. “Well, today, it’s QE Sick Tips.”

LOFT

Antoni set down his platter of toast, slightly adjusting the array of accoutrements laid out on the counter. “All right, step right up,” he announced. “We’ve got jab, we’ve got ciddabod add sugar, we’re got lebon zest, we’ve got dutmeg, we’ve got thid-sliced a- aaahhhh-hihhhhh-ehhhhhh-CHIOOOOO!” The sneeze snuck up on him; he just had time to turn, cupping his hands over his nose and mouth. “…Apple rigs,” he finished anticlimactically, sniffling.

“Okay,” he continued, a bit self-consciously, “clearly I deed to wash by hads before I touch addy of it, but you guys dig in.” As Antoni crossed to the sink, Tan jumped up from the bar and joined him.

TALKING HEAD, ANTONI

Antoni was dressed in a gray T-shirt and loose-fitting pajama pants. He hair looked rumpled, and there were circles under his eyes. “I’ll be hoddest, I’be dot great at being sick,” he admitted. “I tend to get a-” he sniffed, rubbing his nose, “-a little OCD about it, add it gets worse whed I’be away frob hobe.” He put on a falsely-cheery grin and gave the camera a thumbs-up. “It’s gudda be a great bidisode!”

LOFT

In the kitchen, the guys were crowding around their little toast buffet, adorning their breakfast according to their individual tastes. “This is all gorg, thadks hud,” Jonathan commented to Antoni over his shoulder.

Bobby sneezed a strong “huhhhhhhh-SHOOOOOO-ehhhhh!” into his cupped hands. “Is there addy peadut butter?” he asked, surfacing.

Tan winced. “Do you dot have a sore throat?” he responded. “How d’you thidk you’d be able to swallow peadut b- butter?” He sputtered into a cough, burying his face in the crook of his arm.

“Dod’t forget your orange juice,” Karamo insisted. He passed out glasses, calling, a la Oprah, “You get ad orange juice! Add you get ad orange juice! Add you geh- gehht… mbb…” Hastily shoving a glass in Jonathan’s hand, Karamo sneezed a loud “HAAAAHHHH-ehhhhh-CHIUHHHHH!” into his shoulder.

“Bless you, child!” Jonathan cooed.

TALKING HEAD, BOBBY

Bobby, his blonde hair unkempt and his face stubbly, wore a baggy blue T-shirt and gray sweatpants. “It sucks that we had to reschedule with our hero this week,” he remarked, “but I have to say, I’be dot bad about the idea of staying id, staying cobfy, add dot really doig addythig that doesd’t-” He broke off, grimacing. “Could you hold od for wud sec?”

A quick shot of Bobby, half-turned from the camera, blowing his nose.

“Staying id, staying comfy, and dot really doing addything other thad lazing around,” he repeated.

LOFT

Karamo addressed the troops, who nibbled their toast as they listened, sleepy-eyed but dutiful. “Okay, guys,” he said. “The thebe for today is self-care, both physical add ebotional: we’re looking at what will help us feel better while at the sabe tib recogdizing that we’re sick add it’s okay to iddulge ourselves a little.”

“Questchud – can by self-care idvolve blowig by dose off-cabbera?” Jonathan asked, raising his hand as he spoke.

A chorus of “Nos!” greeted him. “It’s called ‘reality TV,’” Bobby pointed out. “You can’t get away frob the realdess!”

Antoni pulled Jonathan into a side hug. “It’s okay,” he said, reassuring. “We’re all id the sabe boat.”

Tan, polishing off his toast, rubbed the crumbs off his fingers. “Are we ready?” he asked, sniffing had. “Let’s do this!” Jonathan and Antoni exchanged resigned “here we go” looks.

[angora48]

Here's Part 2.

 

LOFT

To kick things off, the other four followed Bobby to the living room.

TALKING HEAD, BOBBY

“With addy dezide, the cardidal rule is to thidk about what your client is going to deed,” Bobby explained. “Here, though, whed we have four clients, plus byself, there’s a lot to take idto account. I’be just trying to bake sure we have sobething that’s going to work for everyone.”

LOFT

“Dow,” Bobby began, “sidce there are a lot of us add we’re all gudda have different deeds throughout the day, I thought it’d be best to set up bultiple spa-ace… es” He turned around, bending over double as he sneezed a strong “hihhhhhhh-CHOOOOOO-ehhhhhhhh!” into his hands. “Mbb…” he mumbled, rubbing his hands on his sweatpants.

“Ooh, that’s a good look,” Jonathan remarked.

“Dot od the pants! Dot od the pants!” Tan cried.

“Addway…” Bobby said pointedly, bringing them back around, “here id the living roob, we’ve got our cobbudal space.” He gestured around to the couch and the cushioned chair; the couch was currently playing host to a stack of blankets, and five pillows had been set out. “This is where you cobe if you deed sobe cobpaddy, if you want access to the big TV, baybe if you’re feeling a little deedy add wadt sobewud to cuddle with.”

“Side be up for that!” Tan exclaimed. He pulled Antoni onto the couch with him, and the two curled up together.

Jonathan, meanwhile, squealed, “By pillow!” and jumped onto the chair, picking up the pillow and hugging it.

“Yep, I brought all of our owd pillows out here,” Bobby confirmed. “Whed you’re feeling ****y add trying to sleep? Accept doh substitutes. Doesn’t batter as buch where you sleep as log as you’ve got your owd pillow.”

As Karamo joined Antoni and Tan on the couch and Jonathan reached for one of the blankets on the stack, Bobby went on. “We’re set up here for everything bajor,” he said. “As you cad see, we’ve got coasters everywhere for glasses add bugs, plus these extra tray tables I set up for food,” he glanced to Antoni, “which will be cobing up later.” Antoni nodded. “Tissues, obviously, wastebaskets for used tissues – all the basics.

“We dod’t deed it pitch dark id here,” Bobby went on, “but we do wadt lower light to bake it eas-”

“ehhhhhh-SHIIAAHHHHHH!” Tan sneezed loudly. “Sorry,” he said, wincing; Antoni tsked and rubbed his shoulder.

“Okay, cad we all agree that we dod’t deed to apologize for addythig udless we actually, like, sdeeze od sobewud?” Jonathan suggested. “‘Cause otherwise, we’re gudda be here all day, huddy.”

“I secodd that,” Karamo agreed, leaning forward to grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table and hand it to Tan. “Let’s all be forgiving of each other, add bore ibportantly, forgiving of ourselves.”

“Great poidts all aroud, “Bobby said. “Dow, if I’be dot bistaked, I was saying sobething.”

Tan and Antoni exchanged looks, then declared, in unison, “Sorry, Bobby!” while Jonathan struck an attentive pose, elbows on his knees and propping up his chin on his fists.

Bobby chuckled, coughing lightly into the back of his hand. “As I was saying, we’re goig for low light here, so the blides are dowd add the lights are dibbed. Obviously, we’re dot all gudda sleep all day, so I also put up these iddividual reading lights f- for addybody who wadts t…” He paused, turned away and coughed, “…to read or be usig a sbart device or whatever.”

“Yeah, defiditely use the reading lights whed you’re od your phode or a tablet,” Karamo concurred. “Also, turd the brightdess dowd od your screed. That blue light frob a device screed will bake it harder wh-” he sniffled, rubbing his nose, “-whed you’re trying to sleep, so turd down the brightdess add use the reading light idstead.”

“Let’s all be kide to our eyes,” Jonathan added. He fussed with his blanket a little, curling up in his chair despite his long legs.  Covering his nose and mouth with his hands for a hasty “HAHHHHHH-shuhhhhhhh!”, he sniffled and told Bobby, “I love our little sick dest. I’be sdug as a gay bug id a rug.”

“That’s what I was going for,” Bobby replied, smiling. “We wadt to create a space that’s restful add cobfortable, with boste everything we deed so we cad just set- sehhhhh…” He drew in a sharp breath. “Hag od… IHHHHHH-shioooooo!” He clapped a hand over his mouth to sneeze. “Uhhhhhh…” he murmured, sniffling. “We cad settle id add get cozy.”

“Add before, you bedshud sobething about bultiple spaces?” Antoni prompted. He sniffled, rubbing his nose with his finger.

“Right,” Bobby said, nodding. “We all doh there’s such a thing as too buch togetherdess, so I have the sabe basics set up id the bedroobs for addywud who deeds to escape for a bit: tissues, wastebaskets, coasters, add extra blankets. All you’d deed to take with you is your pillow.”

“All codtidgedcies covered – perfect,” Tan said.

Karamo squeezed Tan’s shoulder, noting, “Tad, huddy, you are so stuffed up.”

“I doh – I thidk I deed adother tissue,” Tan admitted sheepishly. Snuggling closer to Antoni, he said, “Karabbo, would you be a love, add…?”

“Of course I’ll get you wud of these tissues that Bobby has codvediently set up around the roob!” Karamo announced, slightly hokey but selling it, as he leaned forward to the coffee table.

“I’ll take sobe of that actshud,” Antoni added. Karamo grabbed a whole box, and Antoni and Tan both took tissues, Tan to blow his nose and Antoni to wipe his.

“Dicely done, Bobby,” Karamo said. “Dow get id here!”

Grinning, Bobby jumped onto the couch, cheerfully squashing the protesting Antoni.

[Hovercuke]

This is such a cute and fun concept! And you’re really doing it justice. I like how each person’s very distinct voice is clear, even coming through the stuffiness! 😉  

[angora48]

Aw, thanks, Hovercuke!  I had a lot of fun trying to write for each of them.  I'm sure the advice I made up is way more basic than theirs would be, but the concept was too cute to resist!  The Fab Five is just made of fluff, care, and affection, so I loved the idea of them all having colds together.  😊

Here's Part 3!

 

LOFT

Now, it was Tan’s turn to stand, leaving Karamo, Bobby, and Antoni on the couch. The blankets had been distributed – Jonathan had draped his artfully around himself.

“All right; let’s talk clothes,” Tan said. “It’s less about looking good add bore about feeling good. Whed you’re ill, you’re gudda wadt clothes that are cobfortable add cater to your deeds.”

As Tan wheeled out a rack of clothes, Jonathan piped up, in a stuffy-nosed British accent, “I’ve got sobe looks here…”

“I have got sobe looks!” Tan agreed sportingly. “Again, dot decessarily chic, dot deh-”

“hihhhhhhhh-SHIUHHHHHHHH!” Antoni sneezed. Grimacing, he reached forward for a tissue, wiping his nose.

“Bless you, by love,” Tan said before resuming, “doh decessarily cool, but cobfortable, add that’s what we wadt.”

“Yes, please!” Karamo agreed, sniffling as he rubbed his nose.

TALKING HEAD, TAN

“Dow, obviously dot everywud has the luxury of being able to stay hobe whed they’re ill – I get it,” Tan clarified, “add so there are different strategies of dressing if you’d dot feeling well add you have to go to work.” He paused, coughing lightly into his fist. “But sidce we’re lucky eduff to be staying id today – even though, techdically, we are still working – we’re going for baxibub cobfort.”

LOFT

“Tell us about these edsebbles, huddy,” Bobby urged, letting one arm hang over the back of the couch.

“Take it away, Tad!” Karamo enthused.

“So,” Tan began, “our biggest codsiderashud here is going to be tebperature. You doh how it goes whed you’re ill, especially if you’re at all feverish – sobetibes you’re hot, sobetibes you’re cold…”

“Baba, I g- ihhhhh-shiooooooo!” Jonathan sneezed into his hand. “Ugh – I got the chills, Baba,” he repeated, vamping.

“Exactly,” Tan replied. “So what we wadt is lighter fabrics id layers. Cottod is pretty good – dot the lightest, but it breathes well, ih-” he stifled a cough, “it’s dot too heavy, plus, it’s soft so – hag od…” He turned away to cough into the crook of his arm. “…It’s cobfortable f- for a lie-in – god…” He coughed again.

“Oh, Taddy, huddy…” Jonathan crooned.

Antoni jumped up from the couch. “I’ll get you sobe water,” he said. Tan nodded in acknowledgment; he cleared his throat, which turned into another cough.

“There you go,” Jonathan said soothingly as Antoni returned with a glass of water and Tan took a slow drink. “We dod’t wadt that throat getting too dry, ‘cause thed she gets irritated.”

“Okay – better dow,” Tan said, clapping his hands briskly (possibly to distract from his slight blush.)

“That’s right, bring it od back,” Karamo urged.

“So we’ve got our light fabrih-ihcs… hehhhhhh-SHIUHHHHH!” Bobby reiterated before a hard sneeze into his shoulder.

“Yes, add thed we wadt to layer theb,” Tan resumed. “Rather thad the heavy sweats that are going to feel biserable whed you’re feeling flushed…”

“Karabbo!” Antoni prodded through a played-up cough.

“…Go for a T-shirt add a light pajaba pant, add thed put aduther layer od top of that,” Tan said. “I like a hoodie wih- with a zip…” He gasped a little, lifting a hand to his face. “ehhhhhh… ehhhhhhh-hihhhh-uhhhhhhh-CHOOOOOO!” Sniffing lightly, he returned to his spiel, indicating his own hoodie. “They’ve really versatile for tebperature – you cad do up the zip, you cad pull up the hood, you cad wear it opedd, it’s easier to get od add off thad sobething you have-” he cleared his throat, “have to pull over…” He paused, taking another sip of water. “Plus, boste of theb have pockets, so you’ve got a place for your phode or whatever.”

“It’s sdiffly chic,” Jonathan declared, snapping. “Work it, hud!”

Tan struck a brief pose while Karamo and Bobby pretended to photograph him, then added, “I also brought out sobe scarves add hats for addywud deeding a little extra warbth, along with sobe sipple boccasids for whed you’re booving about the loft.”

“So are we ready to try this stuff od or what?” Karamo asked. He jumped up and the others followed suit, beelining for Tan’s clothes rack. Jonathan instantly gravitated toward a thigh-length black wrap (“I dew you’d go for that wud,” Tan remarked,) while Bobby tried on a maroon stocking cap. As Karamo pulled on a black zip-up hoodie, he laughed at Antoni, who was dramatically throwing a long scarf around his neck.

[angora48]

Here's Part 4.

 

LOFT

It was back to the kitchen, at least for Antoni. The other four, by now too cozy in the living room, had all piled onto the couch and turned around so they could see Antoni at the counter.

TALKING HEAD, ANTONI

“Food has so buch power to cobfort add soothe,” Antoni observed, “so that’s really what I wadt to lead idto today: foods that will help us-” he cleared his throat, his eyes briefly flickering down, “-feel better, but also, foods that will just help us feel good.”

LOFT

“All right, Adtodi, you got this, Karamo encouraged, rubbing his nose with his finger.

Jonathan was busily wrapping Tan in both a blanket and a bear hug. “What’ve you got for us?” Tan asked, surfacing.

“Okay, guys, this is where the bagic happedds,” Antoni told them. He turned, coughing lightly into his shoulder. “There are so baddy foods that are really bedeficial for whed you’re sick,” he sniffled, “so we’re just gudda get all the good stuff.”

“Yassss!” Jonathan enthused, snuggled closer to Tan.

“First up, we all doh how ibportant it is to stay hydrated,” Antoni began, “especially if you have a fever. So, really, it’s all about thehh- the lih-quids…” He spun around, drawing in a sharp breath before bending over double to sneeze a strong “haaaahhhhh-CHIUUHHHHH!” into the crook of his arm.

“Doh hadds – I’be good!” Antoni announced, turning back around, his hands held up like a surgeon. “Obviously, you wadt to-” he sniffed, “-to keep your hadds clead whed you’re sick add cooking for other people, so get id the habit of using the crook of your arb add/or be prepared to wash ofted.”

“Yeah, sdot bakes for a really disgusting coddibent,” Bobby observed.

“I doh, right?” Antoni replied, sheepishly sniffling. “Hedce keeping your hadds clead. So addyway,” he said, forcing the conversation back around, “liquids are good, hot liquids are eevedd better, because the steab will help opedd up your airways. So we’ve got two kides of tea – chabobile has good calbing properties, to help you feel restful, while Echidacea is gudda be soothing od a sore throat.”

“Plus it gets you feelig all dice add toasty!” Jonathan pointed out. His breath hitched and he cupped his hands over his mouth for a strong “Hehhhhhhh-ihhhhhh-SHOOOOOO!”

“Right – add switch to water if you’re deeding to cool dowd a little,” Antoni added. As his cohorts rose from the couch and headed to the array of mugs sitting on the counter, he said, “Lebbod add huddy are also really good for colds, so we have that as well.”

Once everyone had picked out their tea and stirred in the additions of their choice, they returned to the couch while Antoni crossed to a stockpot on the stove. “Add of course, what would a sick day be without chicked soup?” he asked.

“There we go,” Tan said, nodding his approval; he twisted around to reach over Jonathan for a tissue box.

“Classic,” Karamo agreed.

“Sure, it’s a cliché,” Antoni admitted, “but it’s a cliché ‘cause it’s fricking abasing. This dish is everything you could wadt whed you’re feeling crappy.” He coughed into the crook of his arm, then took a sip of his own tea.

Narrating as he worked, Antoni said, “Chicked addything is gudda work here – if you were roasting earlier add have a chicked carcass, that’s a great way to get all those last bits of goodness out of it – but I’be just using sobe bodeless, skidless breasts add thights. It’s super easy, because just being id the boiling water is gudda cook it udtil it’s ready to fall apart, add-” he sniffed, “-we wod’t have to fish addy bodes or judk out afterwards.”

“This gudda be abazing, Adtodi,” Karamo said.

“Add id addishud t-to-oo…” Antoni paused, drew in a breath, and sneezed – “hihhhhhh-CHIOOOOOO!” – into the crook of his arm. “Mbb – id addishud to the good dutriedts frob our chicked, we’re also gudda load up od the veggies.” He turned his attention to a cutting board on the counter, which was surrounded by fresh vegetables. “Reall addy veggies you wadt are-” he cleared his throat, “-are gudda have sobe great vitabids to give you ad extra boost. Garlic is really good for whed you’re sick, so we’ll back sure we get a dice abount of that, but we’ll balance it out with a good variety of different veggies.”

As Antoni finished chopping leeks, carrots, celery, potatoes, and mushrooms, Bobby shrugged out of his hoodie and slung it over the back of the couch. “I cad’t sbell addy of that, but I bet it sbells great,” he said.

“Yeah, that’s the hard thing about cooking whed you’re sick,” Adtodi admitted, adding the vegetables to the stockpot. “Whed you’re stuffed up, it dulls your sedse of taste too, so you wadt to do whatever you cad to accedtuate the flavors – addything to tebpt your appetite. Speaking of…” With a flourish, he opened the freezer door, revealing several cartons of ice cream.

The other four cheered. “Look at you!” Jonathan cried. “Servig up that ice creaby gooddess, yassss!”

“All of this is for later, by the way,” Antoni noted. “Obviously, we just had breakfast-” he sniffled, “-a little bit ago, add the soup will deed a few hours to cook add really bix all the flavors id. But I wadted to preview what’s cobing. Y-”

“Hold od…” Karamo instructed. He tensed, lifting a hand to his face. “Hehhhhhhh… ehhhhhhh… hihhhhhh-chiiaahhhhhhhh!” Rubbing his nose as he grinned at Antoni, he explained, “Didded’t wadda biss what you were saying – go od.”

“Right,” Antoni said. “So I was gudda say, I doh, dutrishud add hydrashud add blah blah blah, but sobetibes, you’re just like, ‘I’be sick – give be ice creab.’”

“Absolutely,” Tan agreed, settling into Karamo’s arms, while Jonathan snapped approvingly.

“But we are gudda dress it up just a little,” Antoni added. He indicated a cluster of fresh and canned fruit sitting on the counter next to a baking dish. “Fruit, obviously, is adduther good source of dutriedts, so we’re gudda get a dice little sborgasbord of fruit going od, coated with ciddabod add sugar add thed baked till it’s carbelized. I’be telling you, best ice cream topping you’ve ever had.”

“Yes, please,” Bobby remarked.

“Is that it for you?” Karamo asked as Antoni finished tossing the fruits in the baking dish with cinnamon and sugar. “Duthing else you have to do f- for dow?” He stifled a cough and took a swallow of his tea.

“Yep,” Antoni replied. “That’s the beauty of soup – wudce you’ve chopped your veggies, you cad just let it go add it does all the work for you.” He sniffled, rubbing his nose with one hand as he used the other to cover the baking dish with foil. “I’ll get up a while later to stick this id the ovved, but that’s it udtil the soup is ready.”

“Thed get your cute butt back over here!” Jonathan insisted.

With a smile and another sniffle, Antoni returned to the couch, where he was enfolded in a bevy of inviting arms.

[angora48]

Part 5 ☺️

 

LOFT

Jonathan was back in the chair now, sitting cross-legged with his wrap pulled cozily around himself. The other guys stayed settled on the couch; Tan nursed his tea while Antoni rested his head on Tan’s shoulder.

“Let’s go, Johddy,” Bobby urged. “Let’s get our groobing od!”

“Are you guys so ready for our gorgeous self-care bobedt?” Jonathan asked.

TALKING HEAD, JONATHAN

“Okay,” Jonathan began confidingly, “so I am super self-codscious about this dose ruddig od cabbera like she is. I ab servig up sdotty – sweaty – realdess here.” (He emphasized his words with claps.) “That is how buch I care.” With his hair in a knot, he couldn’t toss it, but he made a hair-tossing motion anyway and smiled.

LOFT

“First of all, sick days are cobpletely ‘bessy hair, dond’t care,’” Jonathan told the others. “You rock that bedhead, you work that stubble, you – hold od…” he covered his nose and mouth with his hands, coughing. “…You dod’t feel obligated to do addy work you dod’t feel up to doig.”

“Is that it?” Karamo joked, making like he was going to get up from the couch. “Is it by turd dow?”

Jonathan gave a classic younger-sibling-being-picked-on pout. “Girl, sit your ass down,” he replied.

Karamo raised his hands in surrender, then turned to bury a “hihhhhh-CHUHHHHH!” in the crook of his arm.

“That’s right,” Jonathan said, vindicated, before returning to his spiel. “But it’s like Tad said, it’s dot about looking good so buch as feeling good, add for be, that kide of beads clead? I bead, it’s bad eduff to be sick without feeling gross od top of that.” Sniffling, he delicately blotted his nose with a tissue.

“I woulded’t say showering every day is a bust whed you’re sick, but baybe like every other day?” Jonathan went on. “I feel like three is pushig it. But really, eeved if you dod’t wadda do a whole routide, a shower cad just feel so good addyway. Chills, obviously, add the hot water’s like a little midi-massage if you’re feeling achy, plus the steab will help break up the codgestchud id your dose add chest – I bead, be prepared for sobe serious dose-ruddig add coughing, but wudce that’s over y- you cad actually… bre-eathe…” The sneeze he was fighting got the better of him; he disappeared behind his blanket for a moment. “ihhhhhhh-SHOOOOO! Hehhhhh-uhhhhhhh-SHIAHHHHHH!

“Also,” he continued, reemerging, “cad I just say, like bubble baths? I bead…” He trailed off, letting the notion speak for itself.

“Plus, it’s aduther opshud of sobewhere to go if you’re deeding a little alode tibe,” Bobby pointed out.

“Readig by bide huddy,” Jonathan agreed. He cleared his throat and picked up his tea from the end table beside him, taking a swallow. “Add thed if you’re dot feeling up to a shower or a bath, agaid, it doesd’t have to be addy big thig, but I thidk just a few little bits of self-care really bake a big differedce.” He coughed into the back of his hand.

“Like, if nuthig else,” he went on, sniffling, “I say, wud: brush your teeth. I bead dappig od add off all day totally beads like twedty-four-sevvedd bordig breath, so at least give those teeth a little love.”

“Dot to bedshud that garlic id the soup,” Karamo pointed out.

“Hey, it’s super-good for you!” Antoni protested.

“Of course,” Jonathan agreed, “but that’s also why we wadda brush our teeth. Add thed two: wash your face. If you’ve got a little baby fever, she’s gudda be sweaty, add it’s just gudda feel a little better to get that face washed.”

“Also, I forgot to bedshud this before, but chadge your clothes,” Tan added. “I doh you’re just hagging about add sleeping, but dod’t wear the sabe pajabbas for days od edd.”

“Yassss!” Jonathan exclaimed; his voice cracked a little as he spoke, and he brought a hand to his throat, clearing it gingerly. “Speak the truth, Taddy – you dod’t wadda be livig id all that grossdess whed you dod’t feel good. Ahhhhhhh…” he lifted a hand to his face. “ehhhhh-hihhhhhh-CHIAHHHHHH!” He carefully blotted his nose, sniffling.

“Ugh – which brigs us to our last big poidt,” Jonathan said, dropping his tissue in a wastebasket. “We all doh about the red cold dose, which is dot a good tibe for addywud. Dot odly does it bake you look like a sad Rudolph, it hurts those poor little dostrils! So, to lessedd or prevedt that, this is aduther area that’s gudda deed a little love.”

“Yes!” Antoni said with a sigh. “I hate getting a sore dose whed I have a cold.” He coughed into his fist.

“Well, your fairy godbuther is here looking out for you,” Jonathan told him. He grabbed the tissue box on the end table. “First of all, you wadt to bake sure you get *******es – oh, ****, I cad’t say ‘*******,’ cad I, ‘cause it’s actually a bradd? Fide – tissues with loshud added id. They’re just gudda be a little softer od your poor dose. Take your tibe whed you’re blowig-”

“I’ve devver had addy cobplaidts,” Karamo quipped. He was met with a chorus of laughter and “Ohhhhs!”

“Yes please to both,” Jonathan replied, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at the camera. “With blowig your dose, it’ll bead less fricshud, which beads less chappig. Add thed, idstead of wipig your dose, either with a tissue or with your hadds, you just wadt to dab it. Addythig you cad do to be a little gedtler.”

He leaned forward to reach for a few containers on the coffee table. “Fidally,” he said, “give that dose a little extra love. Petroleub jelly works great, but if you dod’t have addy, boisturizer will do the trick too.” Demonstrating as he spoke, unscrewing a jar of petroleum jelly, he said, “We’re just gudda be very light add gedtle add apply just a sball aboudt right here aroud the dostrils, just to keep theb frob gettig too sore.” He stifled a cough into the back of his hand.

Handing his containers off to Karamo, Jonathan used a tissue to wipe his hands off. While Bobby blew his nose, Karamo carefully dabbed petroleum jelly on Tan’s nostrils.

“W- wait…” Tan said breathily. He turned away, covering his face. “Ehhhhhhh… hehhhhhhhh… ehhhhhhh-CHOOOOOO-ihhhhhh!” He made a sheepish face as Bobby handed him a tissue and he dabbed at his nose. “Try agaid?” he suggested to Karamo.

“I got you, boo,” Karamo replied, gently tracing the lines of Tan’s nostrils with the petroleum jelly. Meanwhile, Antoni and Bobby shared a jar between them.

[angora48]

Here's Part 6.

 

LOFT

It was Karamo’s turn to stand, facing four very tired-looking friends on the couch. Antoni and Tan had both sunk low into the couch, their foreheads resting lightly against one another, and Bobby had a comfortable arm around Jonathan, who cuddled his pillow.

TALKING HEAD, KARAMO

“We sped a lot of tibe helping other people, showing theb how to take care of thebselves,” Karamo explained earnestly. “But it’s tibe to practice what we preach add take care of ourselves too.”

LOFT

“All right, y’all,” Karamo said, his voice low, “last but dot least.”

“Isd’t a little presubptuous to say ‘last but dot least’ about yourself?” Bobby queried, teasing.

“I bead, this last step is ad ibportadt wud that you dod’t wadt to forget,” Karamo clarified good-naturedly. He sniffled, rubbing his nose with his finger. “You’ve all bed helping us work toward our goal of self-care, both physical add eboshudal, add dow we’re briggig it hobe.

“Dow, obviously getting rest is ibportant whed we’re sick,” Karamo began, “but we also doh that it’s hard for boste of us to just sleep all day. So we deed opshuds to keep us occupied while we’re awake that are still going to be restful.”

“Right,” Antoni agreed. “It’s tibe to get od our asses!”

“Exactly,” Karamo replied. He turned his head, coughing lightly into the back of his hand. “Add so…” He gestured to the coffee table, which was stacked with an assortment of low-key diversions.

“We’ve got all the basics here,” he went on. “”Ad assortbent of books, baggazides, y…” He paused, his expression frozen.

“There it cobes…” Tan remarked.

“hehhhhh-SHUHHHHHH!” Karamo sneezed forcefully into his shoulder. “I was gudda say,” he resumed, sniffing, “you’ve got your phodes, obviously, for addythig you wadda do odlide, but we have a few iPads too – take your pick. A deck of cards, earbuds for addybody who doesd’t decessarily wadt to duck out right dow but who still wants to tude the rest of us out for a while…”

Antoni leaned forward to pluck a pair of earbuds off the coffee table. “Saving that for later,” he announced. “You doh I love all of you, but I already doh I’ve gudda be deeding that eventually.”

“Add of course…” Karamo said, in a tone of building anticipation. He gestured with a flourish to the TV, and the others cheered.

“Brig od the bidge!” Bobby urged.

“As we’ve bed saying throughout the day, it’s tibe to be a little iddulgent with ourselves,” Karamo said, “so really, it’s about doing whatever we wadt. Persodally, for TV, I recobbend sobething that’s dot super-stibulating – rebebber, we are trying to edcourage sleep. So, I’d avoid a lot of heavy actshud or addything with a codvoluted plot that’s really gudda debband your attedshud.”

“Basically, what I’be hearig is doh Gabe of Throdes thed,” Jonathan observed. “ahhhhh… ehhhhhhhh…” He pressed his pillow to his face. “hihhhhhh-CHIAAAAAHHHHHH!” Bobby gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“Probably dot the boste restful choice,” Karamo agreed. “Go for sobething lighter, sobething that’s easy to just have od id the background add that bakes you feel good. Add, with five of us, it also beads codsidering each other. Udless there’s sobething that all of us really agree od, we should take turds with the rebote, so everybody’s getting a little of what they deed.

“Dow, back to the Idterdet really quick,” Karamo continued. “This is absolutely a doh-shabe day, where all of us are free to be as udproductive add-” he cleared his throat, “-waste as buch tibe as we wadt.” He took a sip of water. “But again, we want to probote restfuldess add good feelings, add so we wadt to cultivate that id what we choose to look at odlide. We all doh that sobe parts of the Idterdet are super toxic-”

“Preach, hud,” Jonathan agreed.

“-Add those are the parts we wadt to avoid right dow,” Karamo continued. “So, if you tedd to get idto fights with people od Twitter, stay off of it. It the dews stresses you out, dod’t read or watch it. Stick with stuff that’s gudda baidtaid a good eddergy for you, whether it’s a budch of-” he sniffed, “-a budch of positive thigs od your Idsta, or cat videos, or whatever you deed.”

“A strict diet of- of positih-ihhhhh…” Antoni trailed off. He sat up, away from Tan, and sneezed into his hands. “IHHHHHH-shiuuhhhhhh! Mbb – positivity,” he finished, sniffling. “I love it.”

As Antoni reached for a tissue, Bobby clapped his hand over his mouth to cover a forceful “HEHHHHHHHH-ihhhhhh-CHIOOOOOO!” With a lopsided smile, Antoni handed Bobby the tissue and took another for himself.

“Defiditely,” Karamo said. “Dow, this last point is particular to our situashud, all of us being away frob hobe. Super ibportant, guys:” (he punctuated his words with claps,) “keep – your – fabbily – accessible.”

Tan nodded. “Yes – yes,” he concurred. He stifled a cough into the back of his hand; Antoni rubbed his back.

“We all love our job add being out here,” Karamo said, “but we cad also feel lodely for our loved wuds od a good day, add those feelings cad really bagdify whed you’re sick. So if you deed to, call, text, FaceTibe, or whatever with your people, whether that’s your husbad or partder, your kids – hell, eevedd your bob if you’re close. Sobetibes, you just deed to hear frob your baba, you doh?”

“Sobe of us,” Bobby amended quietly. He took a swallow of his tea and winced; Jonathan gathered him up in his arms.

“”Right,” Karamo told him. “You bight be tempted to thidk, ‘Doh, I dod’t want to bother theb,’ or ‘Doh, I’be just being deedy,’ but **** that. We’re always telling people to ask for help whed they deed it, add that goes for us too.”

“Absolutely,” Tan said. “So, for idstadce, if I’be feeling I deed a hug frob Karabbo…?”

“Thed all you gotta do is ask,” Karamo replied, grinning. The others squashed together on the couch so he could join them, wrapping his arms around Tan.

“Oh, but if I were you, I would keep your phodes od silent with the vibrate off,” Karamo added, still cuddling Tan. “That way there’s duthing to bother you if you’re trying to sleep, add you’re id touch with your people bore od your owd terbs.”

“Oh yeah – duthing wakes you up like a text alert,” Antoni agreed.

“Shh,” Jonathan told his phone, pulling up the settings. “You behave.”

“Add thed, just take it easy,” Karamo concluded. “We cad do that, right?”

“Defiditely,” Tan said, snuggling closer to Karamo.

Antoni cozied up to Bobby. “Just what the Fab Five ordered.”

[2SHY222]

This is amazing! I love this so much. More more more 

[angora48]

Thanks, 2SHY222! I really appreciate it - it can be a bummer to post a fic where there are hardly any comments, so I appreciate you (and Hovercuke) taking the time to let me know you like it.

Here's Part 7, the conclusion of the story. I hope you enjoyed "#QESickTips"!

 

 

LOFT

Scattered scenes give a picture of the rest of their day.

*           *           *

Everyone crowded into the kitchen as Antoni ladled soup – swimming with generous portions of chicken and vegetables – into bowls.

“Thadk you,” Bobby told Antoni, taking a bowl. Karamo grabbed a sleeve of crackers off the counter to crumble into his.

Tan took his first spoonful and gave a congested but contented sigh. “Adtodi, by love, that is fadtastic,” he said.

“It’s warb id by belly!” Jonathan added, tugging his blanket to keep it from dragging on the floor.

“That hits the spot,” Bobby agreed, taking several spoonfuls as he walked back to the chair and settled in comfortably.

*           *           *

In the living room, the TV played softly. Tan was curled up drowsily in the chair, his blanket wrapped around him. Antoni leaned against Karamo (who was reading on an iPad) on the couch, playing Head’s Up with Jonathan on his phone.

“Island dear Africa,” Antoni told Jonathan, “addibated boovie with Chris Rock as a zebra.”

“Ub, Badagascar, thadk you!” Jonathan pronounced, flipping the phone to give himself a point.

Tan stirred in the chair. “Hbb?” he mumbled thickly, running a clumsy hand under his nose.

“Duthing, hud,” Bobby said, getting up from the couch to collect the empty soup bowls strewn around the room.

“You just sleep,” Karamo added.

“Doh, yeah,” Tan murmured drowsily. “Yeah, I’ll just…” He trailed off. Karamo coughed into his fist and exchanged a fond look with Bobby.

*           *           *

Antoni sank low into the couch, eyes closed, earbuds in. He was dead to the activity around him – chiefly, Jonathan leading Tan and Bobby in yoga. “We’re gudda do just a half-pigeod today, ‘cause we dod’t push it whed we’re sick,” Jonathan instructed. “So let’s brig the left foot back, add thed we gedtly let the right dee fall to the side, right about to your wrist. Get a dice gorgeous little stretch goig.”

Karamo came in from around the corner, slipping his phone into his hoodie pocket. He stood behind the couch, taking in the scene for moment, before leaning down by Antoni. “Dot id the bood for yoga?” he asked.

Taking out one of his earbuds, Antoni opened his eyes, smiling sheepishly. “Jodathad idsists he’s going easy od theb, but it still looks like too buch exershud for be,” he admitted. Stifling a cough, he turned slightly so he could see Karamo. “You talk to your boys?”

Karamo nodded, sniffling. “Dice to hear frob theb.”

On the floor with Bobby and Tan, Jonathan said, “Okay, add dow we juh- juhh- HEHHHHHHH-ihhhhhhhh-shiooooooo!” He sneezed into his shoulder. “Excuse be – we just walk the figgertips forward, as buch or as little as you wadt because we are takig it easy.” This last remark was said more loudly, presumably for Antoni’s benefit.

“You are all kides of stuffed up, girl,” Karamo noted, walking around the couch to grab a tissue box from an end table.

Antoni grinned sleepily. “Sdiffly baby,” he said.

“Add I so love that you’re poidtig it out,” Jonathan replied, making a face but accepting the tissue Karamo gave him.

“I’be sorry, cad we take a bobent to appreciate that I’be ill but this is the best ****ing half-pigeod I’ve ever dud?” Tan broke in.

Bobby, stifling a cough, said, “Great job! I’d clap, but I dod’t thidk I cad do that udtil Jodathad tells us how to get out of this.”

Meanwhile, Jonathan exclaimed, “Go, Taddy!” before doing a “thread the needle” twist so her could have his back to the camera as he blew his nose.

*           *           *

Tan was back in the chair, holding out an iPad so Antoni, sitting on the arm, could see as they scrolled through pictures of animals that looked like celebrities. On the couch, Karamo was channel-surfing and Bobby was reading a book while Jonathan slept on his shoulder.

Antoni and Tan let out twin exclamations of delight. “Okay: greyhound Chrih-ihhhh… hehhhhhhh-SHUHHHHHH!” Tan turned, muffling a sneezing into his shoulder. “Greyhoud Christide Baradski – who wadts to see it?”

Karamo grinned. “Yes, please,” he said. He grabbed a tissue, which he exchanged with Tan for the iPad. While Tan dabbed at his nose, sniffling, Karamo settled back onto the couch and held out the iPad so Bobby could see.

“Oh by god, that’s a little scary,” Bobby remarked.

“You just doh that dog would look dowd her dose at you if you used the wrog fork id a coudtry club,” Karamo observed. He squeezed Jonathan’s shoulder. “Johddy – hey.”

Antoni and Tan both cried out in protest. “Dod’t!” Antoni said.

“Let hib sleep!” Tan insisted.

“Okay,” Karamo conceded, holding his hands up in surrender. As he passed the iPad back to Antoni, he added, “But save that picture. If he fides out he bissed a greyhoud Christide Baranski, there’s gudda be hell to pay.”

“Good poidt,” Tan agreed, wincing.

Antoni nodded decisively. “Saving ibbage,” he announced, tapping the iPad scrren.

*           *           *

Tan rounded the corner into the living room, absentmindedly rubbing his throat, to find Karamo lounging on the couch and Jonathan dawdling at the counter while Antoni scooped ice cream into bowls.

“Hey,” Karamo said, catching Tan’s hand for a quick squeeze as he passed. “Is your headache addy better?” He turned, coughing into the back of his hand.

“A little,” Tan admitted. He sidled up to Jonathan, who slipped an arm around his waist. “The ice creab toppig’s ready?” Jonathan, tsking, handed him a tissue from a box that had been moved to the kitchen counter; Tan sniffled and gently wiped his nose.

“Yeah – we had to let it cool dowd a little after it cabe out of the ovvedd,” Antoni explained as he carefully began to spoon carmelized baked fruit onto the ice cream “Otherwise, you basically h- haa….” He paused, pressing his nose and mouth to the crook of his arm. “ehhhhhh-hihhhhhhh-CHUHHHHHH!” He grimaced, sniffing. “You basically have a bowl of ice creab soup withid two bidutes.”

“Which, I bead, wouldd’t be the worst thig,” Jonathan ventured. “We’re all sick, so ice creab soup would be cute add od poidt, right?”

“Hey, if you wadt soup, put it id the bicrowave,” Antoni told him. “It’ll be pledty soft as it is.” Tan coughed into his hands, and Jonathan pulled him into a comforting hug.

“Karabbo, can you see if Bobby’s awake?” Antoni asked. “I’ll hold off od his if he’s dot.”

“Mbb hbbb,” Karmo murmured. He pulled himself up and headed down the hall, rubbing his nose with his finger.

Bobby, lazily thumbing through something on an iPad while he lay in bed, looked up at the sound of a quiet knock. “You awake?” Karamo asked softly, sticking his head in.

Bobby stretched. “Yeah,” he replied. “What’s up?”

“Adtodi’s doing the ice creab dow if you wadt addy,” Karamo explained. “I could bring you sobe.”

“Daw, I cad get up,” Bobby told him.

“You sure?” Karamo asked as a hard “IHHHHHH-shiuhhhhhhh!” hit Bobby as he sat up.

Bobby nodded, sniffling. “Cobe od,” he said. He held out his hand (the one he hadn’t just sneezed into,) and Karamo helped pull him up.

Back in the living room, Jonathan and Tan had returned to the couch with their ice cream; the TV played quietly in the background. Jonathan’s tired face brightened as he saw Karamo and Bobby reappear. “There he is,” Jonathan crooned.

“Hey, girl,” Bobby replied. He and Karamo headed to the kitchen, where Antoni finished dishing up the ice cream. He handed them their bowls and all three returned to the living room, Karamo taking the chair.

“Oh by god, Adtodi, that’s ***ing delicious,” Bobby exclaimed, having taken his first bite before he’d even sat down.

“Mbb, yes,” Tan agreed. “The warb fruit add the cool ice creab – you put theb together add they- they f- fee…” He paused, lifting a hand to his face. “hehhhhhhhhhh-CHIOOOOOOO-ihhhhh! Mbb…” He rubbed his nose. “They feel really good od a sore throat.”

“I ab obsessed with this,” Jonathan declared, cuddling up to Adtodi.

“Well, everyone,” Karamo said with an air of official-ness, “I’d say we’ve dud a good job taking care of ourselves add each other today. I dod’t doh about the rest of you, but you’ve all bade be feel a lot better about being sick whed I’be away frob by fabily add by owd bed.”

Antoni nodded while Bobby said, “I seccodd that,” and Tan added, “Absolutely.”

“Guys,” Jonathan asked, “cad we do cheers with our ice creab bowls? I thidk that’d be super fierce.”

“‘Self-care’ od three?” Bobby suggested.

The other four concurred, and on the count of three, they all cried, “Self-care!”, clinking their bowls together.

[panic!attheeverywhere]

I’m pretty new to this, and this is my first comment ever, but this was just so adorable and in character and I LOVE it! 

[SneezingGodess914]

THIS FIC WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE!!!! I love Queer Eye especially Antoni this has made my day!!!

[Willowwhip]

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh


THATS WHAT RPFiction means!!!!

WHOOPS

my story is not RPFiction, i was...dumb. Thank you for inadvertently curing me of my ignorance in this matter.

This is a cute story. I'll have to check this out once I get around to watching Queer Eye because I don't...get any personality from these folks besides Flamboyantly gay as it stands, but it's very lovely and I hope you continue it ❤️

[2SHY222]

Literally my favorite fic ever ❤️

[Former Empath]

.

Edited September 14, 2019 by Empathic Mystery

[Empathic Mystery]

Awww, this is so cute!  I love the show, and it's an adorable idea to have them be all sick like this. ^^  You did such a great job creating this mini episode with their personalities coming through. 🤩

[uwus and love]

i just found this and conveniently i've started watching queer eye a couple weeks ago so this is all i've been looking for and more. thank you so much!! it's absolutely wonderful 

[angora48]

Aww, thanks, I'm glad you liked it! The idea was just too cuddly to resist, and I had a lot of fun writing it.