Sneezy Dreams and the want for Care-taking

[elements]

Hey all,

I'm experiencing some strange dreams that I think only you can understand and empathize with.  I guess I'm craving some TLC and care-taking, but I've found that the real-life versions of care taking come with so much emotional baggage, that it's not as pleasurable as it used to be.  For instance, I used to think it would be great to be sick with a high fever etc as long as someone was taking care of me, but the realities of that situation (is it the flu and I'm gonna die!? ugh, anxiety) prevent me from enjoying those moments.  I had a big life-threatening event in my life, and so the "fun" and sexual tension behind care taking just seems to not exist anymore...except in fantasies/dreams :)

So...this means that I've been having dreams where I'm around someone (usually fictional) that is attractive and I want to care for me, and I end up fake sneezing in the dream for attention.  But they feel so real, I wonder, "am I actually making myself sneeze?"  I try stifles, failed stifles, all kinds of sneezes, hoping that the person will notice and reach a hand over to my cheek or forehead and say, "hey, are you feeling okay, you don't sound so good." (cue me melting, like right now, even writing this!) Unfortunately, often I'm just being an attention whore and the person doesn't even notice, so I wake up feeling unfulfilled from my dreams, too!  I'm just craving an intense "you have bewitched me, body and mind, and I love-love- I love you." (Pride and Prejudice 2005, anyone!?) intense emotional/physical connection feeling. Eek! 

And my husband in real life is so caring and kind, I feel guilty craving this.But I guess his care-taking isn't as intuitive as what I imagine in my fantasies.  And again, since that awful life-threatening event, both of us get easily rattled and have PTSD around me not being in my best shape.  So, I spend a lot of time now being STRONG and FINE, and I'm craving a little (NON-serious/life threatening) delicate flower moments, of attention and care and concern.

Can anyone relate? I'm sorry if this was complicated/too deep for here. I know sometimes I just wanna come on here and enjoy myself, so no worries if you don't have input.

I'm gonna roll over and go back to sleep and pray for more of those dreams :-D

 

[Willowwhip]

Bich oof. I get that. 

I recently came to the realization (two days ago) That all of my 'fetishes' revolve around some aspect of caretaking. Doesn't matter if it's me doing the care taking or being taken care of. Doesn't matter if it's two other people. Doesn't matter if it's sickness, or injury, or pregnancy, mental illness, w/e. I crave that sweet sweet care. I wanna see it. I wanna see all of it. 

But being in the situation is scary and I'm sorry that you can't live out your fantasy. Perhaps you could try talking to your spouse? If not, there's always roleplaying or writing available--but if you catch feelings really easily, roleplaying may not be the best idea. Or at least, direct roleplaying. You could create characters with someone else on the forum and take turns writing them, and that would be less direct.

I am an emotionally dependent person and I catch feelings like a virus. It's really bad.

[Willowwhip]

I forgot to elaborate. I say "Fetish" because it is certainly an obsession, and it does activate my loins technically, but I'm not...It doesn't feel sexual. But i'm very young to the world of intimacy so...I could be wrong.

[Reader]

15 minutes ago, elements said:

Can anyone relate?

Yes, deeply so.

And since real life is not an option, I’d just suggest that you role play with your husband. Teach him what you want. Try not to be shy about it. You can even show him what you want by pretending that he’s the one that needs care. It’ll take time. It’s not like he’s going to be a natural at it at first, but it should work. 

[elements]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and for your response!

We've been together for over 10 years, and I have spent the whole time trying to lead him to what I want by showing him when he is sick. Problem is, he finds my care taking a little overbearing (understandable 'cause a lot of it is hormone driven since it is intertwined with this fetish), and I've had to pull back.  It's that "I love that you're sick but at the same time hate seeing you suffer, quick let's make you better" push pull tension of the fetish we all seem to know so well that he finds intimidating. 

So when I'm sick, he does whatever I need, but doesn't like, take initiative, you know? He doesn't really have instincts on how to care for me beyond making sure I get my get dose of tylenol on time (which I appreciate!) but the emotional side of the care taking (for both of us) seems to fluctuate between super intense and serious so it's not a turn on, or "oh, you're good, you don't need my help" and no in between.

...I do like your idea of roleplaying though, because then it's like...we deep down know it's not serious and no one is really ill, so we can just enjoy. But, you hit the nail on the head..I'm shy (even with myself!) that I have those desires. 

Thanks for the encouragement..I'm gonna give it a try! ❤️

 

[Reader]

26 minutes ago, elements said:

 

35 minutes ago, elements said:

 

36 minutes ago, elements said:

I'm shy (even with myself!) that I have those desires. 

Let’s think of ways to help you through the shyness! 😄

To not feel like you’re sharing this huge personal side of yourself to a brick wall, have your husband share his fantasies first in an rp setting. Or maybe take turns saying an action.

Example from you: I want you to feel my forehead and tsk.

Example from hubby: I want you to wear high heels to bed. 

You could show him your favorite stories on the forum! You could show him your comments to observations where you name what you liked. You wouldn’t have to tell him a thing. You could show him. Make sure you let him know that he can ask you any questions. But take your time in answering them. Maybe answer them the next day. And watch out for signs of him being overwhelmed. 

41 minutes ago, elements said:

I'm gonna give it a try! 

That’s awesome! Good luck! Have fun 😏

[Infernal]

I can relate to this, but in reverse (i.e. wanting to take care of someone as opposed to wanting to be taken care of). I definitely agree with talking to your husband about roleplaying, since it's a lot less stressful than actually being ill, especially if you guys have traumatic stirrings surrounding that. Good luck!

[LimeyBlimey]

On 6/20/2019 at 10:59 AM, elements said:

So when I'm sick, he does whatever I need, but doesn't like, take initiative, you know? He doesn't really have instincts on how to care for me beyond making sure I get my get dose of tylenol on time (which I appreciate!) but the emotional side of the care taking (for both of us) seems to fluctuate between super intense and serious so it's not a turn on, or "oh, you're good, you don't need my help" and no in between.

Yep, I struggle with this too with my hubs. He even knows about my fetish, although only as of a few months ago (it took us 9 years of marriage for me to finally tell him and he was 100% accepting of it). His care-taking instincts are minimal, to say the least, but they've always been that way. However, whenever he is sick he loves having me take care of him. But anytime I'm sick, I have to ask him for everything, lol and he will just sympathize in that moment and move on. Ugh. For him and many other people, perhaps your hubby as well, care-taking just doesn't come naturally. Also my hubs never even says bless you anymore when I sneeze, though he will happily say it to anyone else! I think he stopped saying it years ago, but now I'm starting to wonder if he just has a mental block now on me, lol. I can literally be sitting in front of him and sneeze, and he will say nothing. And I've talked to him multiple times about it and he still doesn't say it unless I remind him to, which if it reaches that point it just kills it for me.

Anyways, while the receiving aspect of care-taking doesn't personally do it as much for me as the giving aspect, it can definitely still be a bit frustrating. I think it's just difficult for those without our fetish to truly understand the workings of our brains and our desires that come with them.

[elements]

On 6/20/2019 at 10:43 AM, Reader said:

Let’s think of ways to help you through the shyness! 😄

To not feel like you’re sharing this huge personal side of yourself to a brick wall, have your husband share his fantasies first in an rp setting. Or maybe take turns saying an action.

Example from you: I want you to feel my forehead and tsk.

Example from hubby: I want you to wear high heels to bed. 

You could show him your favorite stories on the forum! You could show him your comments to observations where you name what you liked. You wouldn’t have to tell him a thing. You could show him. Make sure you let him know that he can ask you any questions. But take your time in answering them. Maybe answer them the next day. And watch out for signs of him being overwhelmed. 

That’s awesome! Good luck! Have fun 😏

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to give such tangible suggestions! We've explored some of these things...even in terms of sneezing, I'll say "can you say how much it tickles when you're inducing?" He will, then the next time, he won't, unless I ask. I guess what I'm hoping for is not to have to ask all the time, but that he'll understand my turn ons and try them unprompted. But I know that might be too much to ask. I also ask him about fantasies, and he tells me he is happy with our sex life, so while that is flattering, I often hope to myself that he isn't holding back. I'd love to fulfill fantasies for him :)

[elements]

On 6/25/2019 at 4:15 PM, Gee said:

I can relate to this, but in reverse (i.e. wanting to take care of someone as opposed to wanting to be taken care of). I definitely agree with talking to your husband about roleplaying, since it's a lot less stressful than actually being ill, especially if you guys have traumatic stirrings surrounding that. Good luck!

I like both Thanks for responding! I think we'll give the rp a try!

[elements]

On 6/26/2019 at 7:38 AM, LimeyBlimey said:

Also my hubs never even says bless you anymore when I sneeze, though he will happily say it to anyone else! I think he stopped saying it years ago, but now I'm starting to wonder if he just has a mental block now on me, lol. I can literally be sitting in front of him and sneeze, and he will say nothing. And I've talked to him multiple times about it and he still doesn't say it unless I remind him to, which if it reaches that point it just kills it for me.

OH MY GOSH YES! He says it because I told him I like it, but I want him to WANT to bless me, haha. I so get this! When you have to ask, it's not as sexy....the organic, caring nature of taking the time to bless someone is like "I see you, I saw that you sneezed, are you okay?"

On 6/26/2019 at 7:38 AM, LimeyBlimey said:

 I think it's just difficult for those without our fetish to truly understand the workings of our brains and our desires that come with them.

Seriously! I'm way to shy to talk to a therapist about this, but I often wonder what we could learn about ourselves with some professional research! We seem to be a warm, caring, endearing bunch overall IMO

 

[Willowwhip]

I honestly wonder if part of this fetish comes from some unfulfilled desire from our childhood? I can't speak for everyone, but for me, I was...emotionally neglected as a child. The only time I got attention was when I was sick, and luckily(unluckily) I got very severely sick a few times. My family members would tell me stories about it occasionally, and it sort of...became cemented in my mind that was how you experienced care and intimacy. My grandmother was an intensive care nurse before I was born and still identifies as a nurse TO THIS DAY. Taking care of people is her whole life, and she was where most of my emotional, mental, and physical care came from.